Tag: Future

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

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I should go to confession. I’m not as bad as the Catholics. Who am I to judge? I’ve got all my sins, which B would hear about. The worse would be in my sleep. If I do talk in my sleep. But awake and scared now. “Troubles To B, Virgil.”

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

844 Days Without B III, Day 285 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I have been awake all day. Both the Day Job and Time Travel. Why Daddy?

That was the last question you ever asked me. I know it’s stolen from Angel “A Hole In The World.” And can we not talk about stealing today? I was so close to paying. Criminality? Even now, I can see the look you would give me. That “Are you serious, Dad” vibe. As serious as when I watched you die. And I heard you, “Please, Daddy. Why can’t I stay?” Anytime I get sick to my stomach over the crimes I commit. I remember you. “I killed you.” Either nobody believes me, or they don’t give a damn. As Coriolanus Snow put it, “At the moment, anonymity was a condition greatly to be desired.” That explains why I’m here today. Hoping I can hide, Braxton…

More to the point, my troubles couldn’t find me as I lay here as the song goes. “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” No! Braxton, you had guard duty. My prince. And would that make me a fearful king? You’ll hate me for saying this, Braxton. “No, never!” I can hear you, Braxton. Your words, ha-ha, go in and out, but I am trying B III. Anyway, AHEM, short of your death and my birth, my greatest crime is… surprise, FEAR. When I was but a boy, I was sent to juvenile detention. Humans suck B, but you know that. There are more walls, bars, and guards every day of existence. For me or others, Braxton. “All Eyez on Me,” hmm?

But I’m not Tupac. And, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” The two of us were trying to play each other’s savior. To think about the weeks leading to your death, I thought, “I’m so screwed.” You know. I remember to take notes when being “REAL STUPID. “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Add Thursday, May 18, 2023, to the list. I haven’t even given it a name yet. But yet again, it involves sticking this dick in crazy. Hell! I wonder if I will be here. Always fearful. Anything else? Well, I thought the air conditioner had fucked up again. The damn filter. You know what your granddad would say, more like do. I deserve it, but not over that, I know. Sinful Stupidity. That’s my new genre. Troubles To B, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

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Have I ever been cheated on… uh? Have I ever cheated? Flirted. The only thing that has cheated someone out of all of me? The goodest boy, my grief, giving people a reason not to trust me. Am I Aladdin, Jesus, or the government? “Trust Me V… Braxton.”

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but what about the other stuff? Mind, body, and soul… This should be a given, hmm?

As a friend, father, effing buddy for life… Isn’t that called being a husband? Family? Braxton’s my only reliable reference. And he won’t be saying much out loud, my love. What about Virgil? He’s been here 283 days. I know where his problem lies. TRUST. Virgil is right? Since “The Pic Phenomenon,” I can’t say I trust myself. Did I ever? If it ain’t music, it’s movies, so allow me my Nic Cage as Cameron Poe moment… “There’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.” The other guy… B III. Braxton knows everything about me. Well, now he does, wherever he is now. I’m sorry. Love, I trust you now. Again, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”

You would have figured I’d learn my lesson. My son couldn’t trust me to save his life, love. I effing tried! And here come the waterworks. He trusted me, and I failed my boy. Every single day I fail myself. I wake up, hit the alarm, and WHAM! One more day failed, and so to all the rest… “You cannot hurt me,” I want to scream! Of course, anyone can; trust. And who am I in the grand scheme of things? How badly I want anonymity. This is the very thing I took. Though I meant no animosity. But for this anomaly in my moral code. Desire is desire. But would I break our trust for it? I did his, theirs, and as always mine.

How dare I ask you to trust me again, and with what? That “Whenever you call me, I’ll be there.” When I’m not thinking about Thursday, May 18, 2023? Let’s say Sunday, August 13, 2023. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day.” How many days I’ve believed my last? Happiness? Do you trust me to find my happiness? The love? I haven’t had that since a birthday I had. And I was pretty young. “What the Hell is going on?” I’m sure people will ask, “With all these things that I’ve done.” Did I feel good doing them? Yes. Am I guilty, my love? Yes. Gross? Sure. Being a “man.” But for you, our younglings… Yo Braxton, you there? And even Virgil and them. Trying! Trust Me V… Braxton

842 Days Without B III, Day 283 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 323 ~Virgil’s Business Bugs B~

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“Well, you can tell by the way I roll, shorty, that I’m a ladies’ man. A businessman.” While B III was here. Trying to win the maid or spending money on his favorite girl. And now existing… more like slavery. How dare I? Virgil’s Business Bugs B

Saturday, May 20, 2023

Saga 323 ~Virgil’s Business Bugs B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I don’t know what for. I got wealthy Olds? Nah! No boobs, books, or bureaucracy.

What? Do I need to be any more depressed at the end of the week? I was annoyed; what was it? Monday, Tuesday, or both? When I couldn’t “watch” wrestling. Oh! I was all “jerk to divas” (Twitter), no doubt Lady Lunalesca. But actual television. Effing nightmares. Lunalesca, it’s been all porn. And seeing how I’ve had to restart my… celibacy, abstinence… Should we call it sobriety? It’s been three days and counting. SHE’S not helping. Case No. 7906243 – What’s Under The Jacket? with Lulu Chu | Shoplyfter. What about My Dirty Maid Destiny Slams Her Cuban Big Ass On My Cock? There’s Ashley Graham. If you’re wondering what got me out of bed… More like it woke me up. Depression at missing Braxton?

You must be sick to death of hearing about him, Lady Lunalesca. The highlight of my week. A few precious minutes of meditation. Thinking of something to be grateful for, always being Braxton’s Dad. Next came sleep. And then there’s writing which explains the conversation we’re having right now. And why my underwear isn’t at my ankles this very second? Because this is my business. Lady Lunalesca, business, existing… Effing. Don’t I wish? Do you know how many pornstars there are when looking up Shoplyfter? And here Virgil has left me all by my lonesome. More like I put him in B’s room for now. Ain’t like he’s coming to look for me. He wants to live long enough to figure out what he’s doing.

Because it ain’t taking B’s place. Not that he ever could. To keep existing Lunalesca? Please! You can relax. I haven’t taken a painkiller today. And the last time I touched a gun… Well, it sort of spoiled my meditating mood. I was hearing things. It was something creaking. How about something I have to pay for? Again not the crux of my sadness, Lu. But we’ve talked about my big three pornos. And then my three elements of gratitude. With depression comes my boy, blogging, and an effing ton of bucks needed. Uh, food? Hell! If my “father” were here, I wouldn’t mind starving. B, I wouldn’t mind “living.” Because he was a “good dog,” and what’s best for business. Virgil’s Business Bugs B

839 Days Without B III, Day 280 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

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A bad day… um, evening to today. Over 12 hours. Not in a Daniel Porter sort of way. Think Fuel Bad Day meets Jennifer Lawrence “The Hanging Tree.” Without my B, the world is a sadder, more maddening, and “bad” place. Or it’s me? Virgil, Will, Can’t B

Thursday, May 18, 2023

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

837 Days Without B III, Day 278 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I don’t feel right from last night to now, Braxton. (Sigh). Existence is a bitch.

It’s sad above all else Triple B. Nowhere near Life unless we’re talking about that song “New Day.” Something you and your grandma have in common… “I want to take this time to thank you. Even though I’m doing Life.” Death appears luxurious, my friend. What the eff do I know, right? I took your Life from you. Uh, there’s V and so much more. There are books, bank accounts, boobs, and this blog. And there’s always you, Braxton Barks. You and me always and forever. But I was close to joining you. Effing books. There’s no telling what set me off in “The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.” I haven’t read all of it, but I am trying. Honest, I don’t want to anymore.

And I’m mad about it. I mean, not about the book. But I am getting those “Stroke of Midnight” and “Blackout: A Thriller” vibes. You were here for the former. One more thing to be mad about. The only thing. You’re not here, and that’s my fault. I failed you. Braxton, what else is there to be mad about? I should focus more on you than on books. You’re not Lady Sophia, I know. But your Dad is always trying to figure out how I effed up. And, as I said, I was… Well, indifferent all day yesterday. Then, “The Hanging Tree” was on repeat for hours. “They strung up a man, they say, who murdered three.” You, me, and whoever I could be. Being a Father not included anymore…

Because I’m bad. And not in a Michael Jackson sort of way. I’m a dog-murdering scumbag. That’s harsh of me. Your grandma used that term after her sister, my aunt, was killed. But that’s neither here nor there. What? Braxton, I’m thinking of your great-granddaddy. Everything that went wrong with ME that day. Hell! What about last night? I’m late. Braxton, it’s because I was talking to your could-be stepmom. Have you seen Mr. Shadow B? M Anime lost her cat, and what did I do in my infinite wisdom? I’m ashamed of myself, Mr. B. If Virgil weren’t here, I swear. If I didn’t believe “He Lives In You.” You being you, B III. Virgil deserves to live. I can’t be dead… Sad, mad, bad? Virgil, Will, Can’t B…

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 319 ~Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s~

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I wasn’t a good man when Braxton was here. But I was far better than now. Listening to audiobooks. Todd discusses the difference between an orgy and a gangbang. Surprised I don’t have a wife yet. I Wish B had met her. “Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s.”

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

Saga 319 ~Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but before… Well, I was a different “man.” I’d even say less of one. Being honest

And not fair at all. If anything, I don’t want to go sounding like the GOP. But I have always been one for the Nuclear family unit. Two parents and 2.5 kids. Half? Please, Braxton! Yeah, if you don’t know by now and you do. You being you. I had to find a woman that got me. Anyway, Braxton was/is my whole world. Only this world got a lot bigger. Today marks 835 days without my firstborn son. My Braxton. How I wish you could have met him. Would it be easier? Me being a single father. Hell! Should I even say it like that? And today of all days? I’m time traveling. So it’s Sunday, May 14, 2023. How about it’s Mother’s Day? Hmm?

I wish I could say I’ve been busier. You are the mother of all our beautiful children. I did say 2.5. Right? With all the money we have… I want a lot. Fatherhood and manhood. And speaking of things I should stop thinking… My GOP ideology. But I have money. Or is it my father’s? Money equals love. Has he ever felt that? Unconditional love… I wished my Ma a Happy Mother’s Day, and she would beat my ass thinking of my Old Man as such. Only I look at what I’m asking of you. Well, that I’m hoping you’ll feel. Braxton. A love for the furry son you’ve never met, and here I have Virgil Vivi amongst all our two-legged children. “What is Love?”

I shouldn’t have to ask that, and I don’t. At least not when it comes to me pouring the Bisquick and you making pancakes. I do mean the kids that we made together. “My Love.” But why do you think I call B pancake? He couldn’t haven’t been more mine. Braxton, He’s My Son. He will always be. I sing, “Nothing’s gonna change my world.” But the “man” I am, and the woman I hold you to be… To love Braxton as I do. Virgil? I don’t have favorites when it comes to our children. Friend, favorite parent, a father. Love my Braxton. Love our kids, love me, and love Virgil. Could you love the man I was, where you were Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s?

835 Days Without B III, Day 276 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 316 ~B Said Mama, V~

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The first girl that won B over I’d choose. The first two were related to us. The third, he was leading to the bedroom. “What, Daddy, what’s wrong with her?” Never got to a fourth. Hasn’t been a woman in this house since he’s been gone. B Said Mama, V

Saturday, May 13, 2023

Saga 316 ~B Said Mama, V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. As you know, Lady Lunalesca, we Billionaires are the biggest crybabies. I already started for Braxton…

Well, at least he’s part of why I’m crying now. Hell! He didn’t see me cry the day we met. I have to ease up on meditation. Last night, during the session, I was told to think of something that made me feel good. I’m sad to admit that B was nowhere to be found. What I thought about was being in bed sleeping. It could be worse, Lady Lunalesca. Already as the song goes, “Pretend that we’re dead.” I was that before Braxton. After… But anyway, the night I first met him, I couldn’t cry. He was this little “ball of fluff” I always wanted, even if I forgot. And there he was, being hugged by his new mom. I’ll be a monkey’s uncle…

If that. A brother or the other human that he had. Because the question became, “Where is your mother?” Braxton’s mom was everywhere. Now I didn’t mean that the way it sounded… Don’t my nephews have two different daddies? Shut-up! So B III’s mom, ha. What about my Ma? I haven’t seen her since Granddaddy’s funeral on Monday, January 30, 2023. Lunalesca, I’m sure I’ve talked to her after that. I’m a “man” who wants a family but can’t provide for one, that’s for damn sure. I have $5,000 in my name. Feeling lucky, hmm? And again, manhood and fatherhood. Nope! I texted her about the garbage bill. I think. But as far as getting a hug from her. I smelled worse than the corpse.

That was so not cool, I know. I still think about what I said to M Anime’s racial slur. Yep. You know Lady Lunalesca, I want to do much more than hug her; when it came to Braxton and his Aunt Carolina’s yabbos. Hell! He would have called her Ma as he led her to the bedroom. I do miss her “platonic” hugs. And I always said I would find him a hug. One more promise that I didn’t keep. Write a damn tab. No, I’m not mad, Luna. Looking at the date, and I’m cold. I don’t get enough hugs. My voice is like ice, to be sure. And something’s hard like ice. Finding a mom for Braxton… and Virgil. B Said Mama, V

832 Days Without B III, Day 273 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words… Well, adults lie? And here I am, trying my hand at “adulting.” But I’m like a bully. Words. They may cost me the girl. Make V not trust me. And make me sing, I Hate Everyone. B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil.

Thursday, May 11, 2023

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

830 Days Without B III, Day 271 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Those words never change. Names and letters? Did I ever say anything to hurt you?

Of course, I did. And I’m still paying for it 823 days later. However, we are talking on Sunday, May 7, 2023. You know what that means. Sad to say, Braxton, this week is gonna suck. Not as much as most, but still. Anytime I have to breathe. Meditation Braxton, always. Well, at least for a month and some change. And you don’t like when I talk about, let’s say, shedding the mortal coil. At least I do speak to you. Talking to Virgil… freeloader, fatty. I need to stop with names like that. Hell! I’m not sure he even knows “his name.” Who am I, a slave master? And I would call you a little douche. All the time, B III. Looking it up…

Anyway, I need to talk to Virgil more. Even today, he’s been hanging out in your room all by his lonesome. Do I need more reasons to miss you? I would wear a groove in the loveseat working. I’m surprised your pillow held up as long as it did waiting, Braxton, waiting until I had all the time in the world for you? Last week it was all about your Aunt. I told you it was her birthday. The only thing she’s measuring is alcohol intake. Your dad has no such luxury. I wish I did. Only you know I’m much worse. Why V is alone. The lies we tell our children. I should have let you be a dad. You remember our walks. People…

Hell! Every footstep is heavier now. It’s like I walk a little except for, you guessed it, the Day Job. My pockets would have been fatter with everyone wanting to buy you or have you breed. Only Virgil won’t have such problems. Ball-less, barkless, except for his bawling anytime I leave. You know I was about to say “it.” Like father, like son. I’m still crying over you. But I don’t think I’ve shed any tears this Sunday. The heart, head, and balls are all heavy. Though I’d ask you to keep that last one to yourself. But your Aunt. So nice. And I continue thinking about what M Anime said. Can’t say something nice… I’ll try with Virgil, Braxton. Promise? B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

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Braxton couldn’t cheat death; none of us can. On people, pay, and pleasures. I’ve never been one for Love and Happiness. But I am Hopelessly Devoted to You… if your name is grief or a specific pleasure. Cheater? Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil.

Tuesday, May 9, 2023

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I wouldn’t even need that to be my old man. He cheated on my Ma.

Yeah, this ain’t the week for this. Right? And this was a long time ago. I have a half-brother I’ve never met, around college age. No love there. Love and time, isn’t that right, love? Other than being a provider, I don’t want to be anything like my “father.” Never. Cheating, though? I was thinking about that Sunday, May 7, 2023. Not like that… Please! I have many views on such, but I’m not talking about love. Love. No, the other love. My B III. How often have I said Virgil’s name today compared to B’s? Uh, Good Morning. Hell! Even before you, there was Braxton. Then us… And with Virgil Vivi, there was, “V, you need a bath? I’ll take you to get one.”

It’s all that walking in the yard. At some point, it’s going to get mowed. Such a little thing, a husband mowing the lawn. I was raised on TRADITION! Fiddler on the Roof, I’m sorry. Not for the singing. Nope! That’s always been me. Pop Culture Whore… We’ll get there. I mean for cheating on life, not you, my wife but life with death. Oh, I’m in love with it. The only reason to wake up is that I move a bit closer to it. Step by Step… more music? Yeah. Ma was a big fan of The Preacher’s Wife and Whitney Houston. I remember. Anyway, I have to get her something for Mother’s Day. And you as well. A mom to such beautiful children.

I’ll forever be grateful that they take after you and not me. Do I feel cheated? Not at all, love. Now, Braxton, I swear I think he was in love with Aunt Carolina. Those boobies? Someday, I won’t be so juvenile when it comes to those. Oh, like one day I won’t think about B? That’s like telling me not to think about sex ever. Ask Cherry about that, ha-ha. It’s like me wanting to have a threesome or thoughts of us becoming “Swingers,” right? I mean, not now. And I’m not a cheat. Not with you, and again there’s B, but here is V. Like the song, Is This Love? Could You Be Loved? Braxton’s big heart. Mine’s broken. Death. Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil

828 Days Without B III, Day 269 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 309 ~Braxton, The Charge, Virgil~

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I never wanted to be a president or king. There was a time I wanted to be Dennis Hof, minus the GOP. But as Malcolm X put it, “I have to stand here today as what I was when I was born: a black man. Trite, considering. Braxton, The Charge, Virgil

Saturday, May 6, 2023

Saga 309 ~Braxton, The Charge, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can be guilty as sin but with enough paper… meaning green, not white.

I could use both; to be honest, I could use both. Seeing as how I haven’t been feeling well this week. I need to see a doctor. But considering the last few attempts. I get what I effing deserve! Lunalesca, who am I, the Joker? I’ve said it a few times. The comedian is dead. And yet my entire existence… So I won’t hold my breath on Trump ever facing punishment. And King Charles III Coronation is going on today. They say, heavy the head that wears the crown. Hell! Unlike Trump, I have a conscience. And the crowns I have been seeing, uh? Better not to say. But my head hurts, amongst other things? Braxton is dead. I yelled at a friend. The Day Job sucks. So, I’m guilty.

What did I do wrong? Lunalesca, I could name any number of things. Waking up. Honestly, one of the Revenge of the Nerds movies says it better… you were born. That’s enough. I’m sorry I’m so down this morning. If only I got up late again today. But my punishment or mistake? I don’t even know (sigh). The fact is I want to sleep, Lunalesca. But there is my charge. Virgil Vivi Bradford. He’s been getting worse… more scared, Lu. Like father, like son? But he’s not my son. Lunalesca, Virgil will never be Braxton. Lunalesca, am I the bad guy, an effing asshole, or have I forgotten. Virgil leads Dante through Hell. Dante never speaks Virgil’s name, though. Is It A Crime? Everything is.

Yet I look into the mirror; “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Again you can talk to Carolina about that. I mentioned her birthday. $50.00 and naked pictures. Lunalesca? There was a time I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Am I guilty of another betrayal? How treacherous am I? That honor belongs to Braxton. And to end such beauty. I’m repeating myself because, again, what happened yesterday. I’m woke. Standing up for what’s right for people. “Chinky” is not a nice word. Fetishizing Asians? I’ve been doing that with one woman in particular. Effing Instagram. But then B’s Aunt. Her getting laid because of me? Talk about some atonement. But all my sins… charges? Life. Braxton, The Charge, Virgil

825 Days Without B III, Day 266 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 307 ~Virgil’s Sitting Where B~

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“Come on in, (girl), sit on down, and tell me ’bout yourself. So, you like my (Daddy), do you now? I think (he’s) something else.” B barking Rodney Atkins. To think my loveseat wasn’t a casting couch, but I found love once. “Virgil’s Sitting Where B”

Thursday, May 4, 2023

Saga 307 ~Virgil’s Sitting Where B~

823 Days Without B III, Day 264 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If you find the time, could you and your Aunt Carolina’s kids say Happy Birthday?

I still feel so gross B. There’s the belief… Hell! Damn, near a fact that I’m sick. The things I do when you ain’t around. And to think I warned you about, um, some things. Manly huh? Braxton Barks, it could be that I’m acknowledging you being in “Heaven” or on The Rainbow Bridge. Never! It’s Sunday, April 30, 2023, and I called out “Medicine Time.” And, yeah, there’s the idea, if you are gone, that you met your Aunt’s kids in Heaven. Today as in, May being her birthday and all. How about Star Wars Day? Your Aunt’s pissed… But me being the selfish bastard I am… Like most days, I wish I was a ghost… to join you. Remember sitting on the loveseat?

B, you’re watching over me, worrying, waiting; for what I don’t know. Live, Laugh, Love? Please! That is a book I’m never reading. And the books that I got in my own time, B III. Time? Again there was Medicine Time, Outside, Sleepy, and many others I know. The one that gets to me the most is Dying Time… I was sitting on an orange bench as the vet told me she could do nothing. Then there I was on another one watching you die. You got to lie in your bed, at least. Is there any wonder I want to stay in bed always? Well, besides being sick, of course. And then there’s 2V, B. Writing this afternoon, from where? The Dining Room. Shocker!

Because the bed is a sad place, even when there’s a woman there now. Ha-Ha! It wasn’t many of those when you were here. And after? Your Daddy is a sick man. A bad one… And I keep saying it. Having V lying on my leg or sitting at your guard post, B III. No! Why not go back to the loveseat, you say? You know I am never happy but to get so close. It was lying with you. I would read, and you would sleep, and that was us, you and me, B. There was watching movies with your Aunt. Remember when you finally let her in, B? The power of boobs. A few books, free Meditation, the Freeloader. Virgil’s Sitting Where B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad