Tag: Future

Tale 070 ~Virgil, BIII Of E-Day~

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Any day B III got more than his fair share, he considered it a holiday. Birthdays? His own, and then E-Day. I didn’t share with VV… Red Lobster forgot the fries “twice.” And the steak. It’s not the only reason I want to vomit. “Virgil, BIII Of E-Day”

Saturday, September 9, 2023

Tale 070 ~Virgil, BIII Of E-Day~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Which means I would be “partying” this month. To be honest. I just want to vomit.

Didn’t I say yesterday that I’m pretty sober? Unless you count sugar as substance abuse. I don’t know if I’ve been crashing. The “Adrenaline” is wearing off. Or depression’s back. I survived E-Day. But that means I have another year of existence to waste. Vomiting? Yep, Luna, TMI! But I’ve said out loud that I killed my son, too. Can B III see me now? Lunalesca, I hope not. But for the record, I’m sitting in bed talking to you. Talk about existence goals. I want to be in bed with a big set of boo… I’m not trying to be derogatory towards women. My critic would have a field day or say nothing at all. There is no middle ground. Anyway, sitting with Braxton…

I’d lie in bed all the time. And after napping for far too long, I’d spill my guts. Not literally. It depends on how you take these words. I wish I could tell you, but (censorship). Anyway, back to my point. Anything else requires me to face the “Man in the Mirror.” Lunalesca, the E in Existence. I swear if my critic doesn’t talk to me today… Emergence is what I regret the most. Extinction is what I yearn for. But Existence? And it’s been two days. What have I done with them? I’ve done the Math. E-Day takes plenty of arithmetic. The money I didn’t spend on “The Pic Phenomenon.” The cash wasted on “my” dinner. And let’s not forget time. THEY say, “Time Is Money.” Thirty-nine years, Lunalesca!

Let me spend more time answering my critic’s question. Hopefully… What’s E-Day? E-Day is the day on which… Well, as Shakespeare put it. From my mother’s womb, I was untimely ripped. It’s the day I came into this world kicking and screaming. And look at me now. Can’t you see Lady Lunalesca? It’s why I find women distracting, love B’s eyes and avoid mirrors. Didn’t I mention I’m reading about vampires now? What are the rules for them again? The rules for E-Day are getting a good night’s sleep, not seeing people, and having a delicious dinner. And I broke every single one this week. And I’m glad it’s over, but now there’s more time. What does that mean for Virgil? Virgil, BIII Of E-Day

951 Days Without B III, Day 392 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 068 ~Mourning Braxton, Virgil, E-Day~

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Welcome to Level 39! Welcome to E-Day. It’s still the 6th, and the day is a waste. 14244 days of worthlessness. There were 15 years with the greatest guy ever. My son. And 39 years of living in terror of a few people… Mourning Braxton, Virgil, E-Day.

Thursday, September 7, 2023

Tale 068 ~Mourning Braxton, Virgil, E-Day~

949 Days Without B III, Day 390 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Welcome to Level 39. I think I’m going to be sick. Dead? Just Survive Somehow.

In the next few minutes… I could be joining you. I’m time-traveling as today is Wednesday, September 6, 2023; current time is 2:48 PM. Your granddaddy said he’ll be here at 3:00. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat, Braxton. How many more, hmm? The person I am right this second will change between his arrival and departure, Braxton. I said the same thing about you on many different occasions. But the one I’m thinking about right this second… I didn’t burst into tears at the Day Job for nothing. I needed the pain of losing you to negate the pain of losing myself. The Horror, the Horror awaits. We’re T-Minus 5 minutes. I thought midnight would be the worst, but your Gramps.

But let’s say I survive this moment. Braxton, he’s 3 minutes away, running late, whatever.

Yeah, whatever. This afternoon, I’m going to hop in the shower… I remember you hated me doing that. We are creatures of routine. And an evening shower meant… the movies. As in, I’m leaving you. There were your Aunt’s mammaries, which you loved so much. There was that time with the maid, Special K. Or there was more work from the Day Job. Must I make a big deal out of everything, even a shower? Braxton, please help me! Anyway, tomorrow, I won’t set any alarms. I’ll wake up when I’m good and ready. Braxton, should I order something for breakfast and lunch? Take care of Virgil, of course, duh!

Another thing for this afternoon. I should take care of all my criminality. Just saying. Don’t I always say I don’t have time to work on your albums? But somehow, I’ll find the time to work on some… anyway, The Pic Phenomenon. I’d never do that when you were around. And VV? He runs on fear and Adrenaline like me. Like father, like freeloader, ha. Stop! I hear ya, B III, I do. I wish I could stop this fear right now. And today, Braxton. Today, there’s a good night’s sleep, some good food, and Simoleons in my pocket, funny. It’s now 3:29. Your Gramps isn’t here yet. E-Day is coming for me. My E-Day wish is… that we are together. Mourning Braxton, Virgil, E-Day

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 066 ~I’ll B Home Virgil~

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I’m unsure of the day my Braxton entered the world, so I gave him one. But the day he left it… It was the worst day ever. Second is the day I came into the world. And being unfortunate enough to stay 39 years… I’ll B Home Virgil.

Tuesday, September 5, 2023

Tale 066 ~I’ll B Home Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but like when I was in the womb, I haven’t planned on leaving here anytime soon.

I’m glad it’s not E-Day yet. And the kids are at school. There’s also the fact that I’m time-traveling. It’s Sunday, September 3, 2023, at this particular moment. I’m thirty-eight. Today, that’s about 14,240 days. Looking at that makes me want to “Scream?” “Tonight I Wanna Cry.” Looking at the “Man In The Mirror,” I tell him that you “Make Me Wanna Die.” Am I making my playlist for E-Day, or what? Hell! I even yearn for B III’s passing. No! Not like that. I was a horrible “human being” when it came to the life of B III. Emergence, Existence, Extinction Day, though, is all about me. And first and foremost, I want to stay here, home. And I don’t have that luxury anymore.

I know I’m being like a heartless so-and-so. Oh Love! I want to say bad words. But there’s you, the kids, Virgil… the critic. Ha! And today, second only to B III’s passing away (sigh.) Soy un perdedor. I swear my critic is making me better with languages. While Japanese seems to be a no-go. You know words like “Security Guard.” Maybe Spanish works better? English though? If I could say what I want from this horrific day. Always and everything. That would be my son back. Love to this very moment, I’m neither in Denial nor would I claim Acceptance. I know the truth. Braxton Barks Bradford died. And if I had my way… “If I had my way, then surely you would be closer,” you sing to me.

I’ll be here to listen. I’ll learn how to dance. And to be quite honest, um, I “Feel Like Making Love.” After everything I’ve said today, what are the odds of that? Do I want to play Han Solo? Hell! We could have a movie night right here because, again, to go outside and do… what? My Ma took me to a restaurant once where they sang Happy… Oh No! But yes, I will be polite to our children. Is it sad? I have to say that. Virgil’s living here. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, as Somni 451 said. Unfortunately leaving… That led me here. But I love you, our kids. Me? I’ll B Home Virgil

947 Days Without B III, Day 388 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 063 ~ Braxton’s Cashing Out, Virgil~

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I go back and forth with what Braxton thought in his final moments. The most “comforting” being something like, “Daddy, why can’t I stay.” And three years later, his Dad is playing with his existence. Losing money on E-Day. Braxton’s Cashing Out

Saturday, September 2, 2023

Tale 063 ~ Braxton’s Cashing Out, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… But how long can I keep saying that? When I’m existing like the Tiger King… Lunalesca

“I am never gonna financially recover from this.” When B III died, it didn’t matter. Lunalesca, I should have followed him. Point blank, period. That is us, Lunalesca, always and forever. We ride together, we die together. What’s one more broken promise, I ask, Lu? I’m becoming a member of the GOP. I waste cash on some horrible investments, ha. I bribe a “poor black child” with a 40oz and a bucket of chicken on his way to the poor house. Oh! Should it be video games and movies? On this coming E-Day, Dear Lunalesca? Hell! It’s not like I have money for anything else. Did I mention I’m becoming a Republican? Or, as they say, I am a “Real American” by hating foreign countries.

England, if we’re being specific. Sorry, Cherry. That money is a drop in the bucket. Compared to what I spent with the Japanese and Russians. I’m spending money on good? Uh! Why does anyone use money on Bitcoin, temporary emails, and a spanking new VPN? Speaking of spanking, I’ve got two things there. The first is Spankbang by way of X/Twitter. It’s always decent for some Japanese “anime,” if you know what I mean, Luna. Second, my almost thirty-nine behind will get spanked by the Olds, Lunalesca. I don’t know. These are confessions better left to Inspector Echo, hmm? But considering what I spent to keep this place afloat… I was going to call myself a piece of… whatever. But I hate toilet humor, literally.

And with that nasty chicken, I spent money on. And how sick I made myself sitting in the car, seeing how much money I lost in a single day. Once upon a time, it was steak and lobster with some fries for B. This year… the Hell if I know for Virgil and I, Lady Lu. Please! I have all the paperwork I was going over last night when I wanted to curse out GoDaddy. Ain’t that a word or words? Go Daddy? I hear those words from Braxton. Only go where my son? He had his Aunt’s ample cleavage, but he couldn’t stay. I don’t want to either, considering old money, criminal offenses, and the Olds. Sin City? Nope! Hell! Braxton’s Cashing Out, Virgil

944 Days Without B III, Day 385 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 061 ~To B Remembered Virgil~

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My first “Happy…” NOPE! That word is not in the vocabulary, but good works well enough. E-Day is nothing but nightmares. But when Braxton was here… Hell! The third E-Day without him is coming up. Not that Virgil says anything. To B Remembered Virgil…

Thursday, August 31, 2023

Tale 061 ~To B Remembered Virgil~

942 Days Without B III, Day 383 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Well, we’re talking on Sunday, August 27, 2023. So you know about my Thursday. Sigh

I don’t think I’ve “worked” this hard… Well, since that week, I found out you were dying. I swear I’ve talked to the Man in the Mirror, Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo. Last again, B III? To my everlasting shame. But this week and the next… You know what’s coming? E-Day! I wish we could talk about the fence you guarded. Yeah, it’s been bothering me. Even now, I think I should put some more nails into it. Virgil’s been sniffing around. A way out, B? If only I had worked on all my other writing the way I’ve been working to endure the next couple of weeks. Your grandparents haven’t called or texted. Your aunt neither. Inevitable, I know. So, a question. Any room up there where you are.

The Rainbow Bridge, Heaven or Hell? You were/are a good boy, B. You remember that. Always and forever. But your Daddy isn’t getting into Heaven. And where I am now. Hot as it is, like one of the hoodies I wear, I miss your fur. What about sharing with you? Again, there’s E-Day —Emergence, Existence, Extinction. You didn’t bother remembering. Thank you. It’s the reason I miss your Aunt Carolina. Braxton, say hello sometime, please. Emerging from my bed as you stepped on my head was worth me trying, whatever. Existing, now I did that with you and your aunt or when I needed to protect you B III ha. Extinction, this week, next, I’m damn near forty but no only thirty-nine. Remember it, B.

As “I will remember you.” Listen to me about to sing some Sarah McLachlan, Braxton. Daddy can remember everyone else’s words but mine? There are memories and manuscripts, and do I go with mammaries or money? Movie nights? But you were such an old man when you met your Aunt Carolina. You met her on E-Day, remember that Little B? And she was here for a couple of mine and even one of your birthdays. Today is the first time I’ve remembered anything from that terrible day. It won’t last. But all my crying B. Remembering how I was born and how you died. And then there’s Virgil. A little Receiver of Memory if I spoke to him more often. If, To B Remembered Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I woke up this morning… and? Do I want a prize, a medal, even another breath. Well, I don’t want that breath for me. If I had my way, um, besides the things I want to do to my wife or to have another cry over my dog, no, my son. Existing. It’ll B Fun, Virgil

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so we’re supposed to be having fun. Most holidays work that way. Even the most solemn…

Not that E-Day in any way, shape, or form is a holiday. Before 2021, I would have called it the worst day of my Existence. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Time-Traveling Love. Today is Saturday, August 26, 2023. But you know what day I remain trapped within. Sunday, January 31, 2021, is the new worst day. The day I lost my firstborn son, the prince, pup, and pancake known as Braxton. Then again, I would rather have that day than E-Day. At least then, I wouldn’t be a selfish so-and-so. Psychiatric help, my critic said. If I could only remember the day that Braxton hopped in the car. Or when we were “placed” in our first house. The day he jumped into my arms. That is Love.

Those were causes for celebration. But now I look at the days ahead of me… Well, if anything, if you knew how far along I was talking to you… I mean, for real. Turning thirty-nine. It’s not the least bit funny. But I’m supposed to have fun. It’s more for everyone else, though, I’m afraid to say. I’ve been listening to these meditations on loneliness. I have you, I know. And I won’t dare compare myself to Will Traynor in “Me Before You.” And yet. Paralyzed. Every day, my Love. I keep moving, and at the same time, I’m trapped. Braxton’s still lying in his bed on that table, and I’m holding him, and then you go all Jurassic Park, Love. Life finds a way.

Love will find a way. I have the day we met. Better, the day that I made you my wife. There’s the day I figured I would try being a father again. I look at V and still sigh. I have to question what at all I was thinking. Was/Is it Braxton? He’d know better than to mention E-Day, but yeah… “Daddy, pick that one. I can’t make this more black and white.” 2V and his three little black spots. Comedy comes in 3’s, I heard before, my Love. And how many two-legged kids do we have around here? They want their Daddy happy. It’s not like they’ll pay me half a million for an E-Day I don’t want. You say… It’ll B Fun, Virgil

940 Days Without B III, Day 381 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 056 ~We’ll B Positive Virgil~

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B III hasn’t reached the Bob Marley section in his musical selections with me. For example, Three Little Birds. But I’m positive I dreamed about him being a seagull and eating one of my books. Positive energy, sigh. We’ll B Positive Virgil.

Saturday, August 26, 2023

Tale 056 ~We’ll B Positive Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Am I positive, Lunalesca? How many days I’ve been eating chicken? I’m losin’ my finger-lickin’ mind.

That’s from the movie “I Think I Love My Wife,” by the way. Ah, movie nights! Me, Braxton, and his Aunt Carolina. It wasn’t happiness. But a step-down or two. It’s not better than “Relations,” but better than sleeping —anything regarding staying on my behind. Only I read something yesterday that I can’t find today. If you want to know why I’m talking to you late, Lunalesca. It’s 6:50 in the morning. Well… Besides watching an old movie, I made of myself with my clothes off. I’ve been looking for this quote on energy. Something about love is energy and how it changes shape and never dies, dear Lunalesca. It makes me wanna cry… DIE.

Which, of course, is all I’ve been thinking about this past week. And with one week to go until E-Day… Emergence, Existence, Extinction. I don’t have the energy, Lunalesca, OK. You know what gives me energy? Relations… or rather solo Relations at this point, Luna. What was I doing yesterday? What made me feel good about myself? The Pic Phenomenon? As the song goes, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Only Braxton didn’t. He had me. But I didn’t follow him now, did I? Hell! I was too revved up fighting for his life, Lunalesca —the FEAR of losing him and the failure at doing so. FEAR more than anything else, Lunalesca. But it burns me out fast. It keeps me hiding underneath these covers. Chicken dinners, Virgil the dog, and Depression aren’t helping, Lunalesca.

Neither with the energy or positivity. No. With everything on the brain, my blood type… The things I can’t tell you, Lunalesca. Stuff and Thangs, I couldn’t tell Braxton, “Alright.” “We gon’ be alright. Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.” Wow, that song was out before he died. Not that it would have made a difference. Like the Almighty. And no, Lunalesca, I don’t mean the wrestler. Watching wrestling is perhaps one of the few positive things I do. If you call it watching and with everything… Windham’s death. The only things I’m positive about. The Thirty-Eighth E-Day will be the worst one ever. I miss my boy Braxton. And I’m still breathing. I’m alive. We’ll B Positive Virgil

937 Days Without B III, Day 378 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 054 ~B Thankful For Virgil~

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The motivations I listened to spoke on Gratitude. I’m grateful for the meditations that help me breathe. It’s getting harder to do by the day. But my boys need me…Did I really say that? Believe it? B III was here once, and V. “B Thankful For Virgil.”

Thursday, August 24, 2023

Tale 054 ~B Thankful For Virgil~

935 Days Without B III, Day 376 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Hell! Today is Sunday, August 20, 2023, Time Travel. And today’s already to be ruined.

Do I blame you for not being here anymore? Nope. I still blame “me, myself, and I” for that. But I am thankful you were here once upon a time. Start with Gratitude, right? Little B, I’ll be grateful if your grandparents haven’t called today. We’re getting even closer, B. I mean not you and I because I can’t hear you. I’m trying, but I’m not waiting around either. No! I’m much too busy hitting the buttons and accomplishing nothing. So, why did I get these ideas of Gratitude? As I sit here in bed today. You’d be locked up. Yeah, that lets you know exactly what I was doing. And you thought my baby talk was crazy. With you, I had a voice B.

I’m thankful I heard it once. And that I didn’t sound crazy. Okay, yeah, it was plenty of madness. But at least I wasn’t talking to myself. Virgil’s here, but we never speak at all. He doesn’t know me, and as the song goes, “I think I’m turning Japanese.” Successful? Only at wasting my time with that sort of thing. What? You had a thing for your Aunt’s Yabbos, if I recall. I’m grateful I had… have a friend like her. But I haven’t heard from her in a while. Have you gone to check on her? You both know my feelings on E-Day: Emergence, Existence, and Extinction. To you, it was more fries and maybe a bit of steak. Grateful I’m eating anything now.

But I feel so good right now because I haven’t thought about it in a bit B. Not thinking… I haven’t thought about the fence being broken. It’s holding up well. And the yard? Humiliations Galore! Instead, I’m trying to avoid that, so it’s pretty short. And Virgil? Sometimes I wonder if you send him. I haven’t thought for a while he’s reincarnated. There are more reasons to shout praises. so that I’m not disappointed saying, “B wouldn’t do that.” But your grandparents… Hell! What about today, as in your Thursday? This is the worst day —at least, day job-wise. You know. As long as Virgil isn’t crying Wednesday and I ignore him, then… Am I thinking of joining you? Gratitude. B Thankful For Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 052 ~Virgil’s Lovely Days B~

WillLeave a comment

“The sun is up, the sky is blue. It’s beautiful, and so are you.” My idea of a lovely day watching movies with B and one of his favorite girls in the world. Or waking up in some big fluffy pillows. Hell! Let B stand on my head. Virgil’s Lovely Days B

Tuesday, August 22, 2023

Tale 052 ~Virgil’s Lovely Days B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m always on the phone or reading a book, regardless of where I am… existing.

I’m always thinking about Braxton. I imagine so many ways I’d like to wake up Baby Doll. Allow me to get my inner Quagmire on AHEM “Giggity.” Anyway, I get up every morning knowing my son isn’t here. B III would either lie on my head to cover the alarm sounds. Or he would be stepping on my face because he needs to go out right now; what I wouldn’t give to have those days back. You, our children, being famous, our billions? “How Long Will I Love You?” How much do I love you? Always and forever. With all that, I am and more. And that leads me to what I’ve been thinking about these past days. E-Day? Death? And now, with Time Travel.

Today is Thursday, August 17, 2023. And I’m not dead yet. “I’m still breathing,” love. God knows at the old Day Job how I wanted to fall off a ladder or be crushed under some boxes. And with understanding “This Is America,” there are some “Dumb Ways To Die.” But I didn’t back then. And now? As I said, this man loves all that you are and more. What we are and will be. Only there was more of me, my love. Resurrection. Necromancy. My B. How I wish I had given him better days. A last day? Hell! Braxton should be here at eighteen. THEY say today is a good day to die. But as I was telling my boy, there’s always more Yabbos.

I’m sure he’s looking down on me from somewhere and saying, “Hey, Dad, comfy spot.” Whenever I was able to hug up next to you, my love. Or when the kids come and lie down on us. He’s saying, “You could be all soft and gentle, I remember.” Someday? Virgil will have a good day where he’s not scared and can feel all “Safe & Sound” after 374 days. Even now, I can’t tell you what a good day might look like for him. It’s not like I’m looking forward to lovey days myself. Again, we’re talking now as each day moves closer to E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Desperation, Depression, and yes, Despondence. I’m sorry, love, we’re all looking forward to Virgil’s Lovely Days B.

933 Days Without B III, Day 374 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 049 ~Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil~

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Am I trying to get in or get out of this house? It depends on who you ask. I can’t say Virgil and I don’t know each other. As long as I sit and stay. There’s my Olds with E-Day coming up. I can’t hear what B’s saying. “Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil”

Saturday, August 19, 2023

Tale 049 ~Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So, handing out candy is the least I can do. Will I even see Halloween? E-Day

Lunalesca, we get a little closer to the second worst day of existence every day. Of course, you know the first. Hell! Virgil knows. With Virgil’s wailing and gnashing of teeth, I heard yesterday afternoon. He didn’t sign up for this. Well, neither did my B. “With these hands,” as the song goes. I swear, Lady Lunalesca, I’m a freaking monster. Only I’m trying to decide which one. Or am I something like the Rat King from The Last of Us Part II? Scooby Doo teaches us that the worst monsters are human, which explains what I did yesterday, Luna. Daphne and Velma sans any clothing. As always, we’ll get to that, won’t we? For now, there’s the ghost of my boy. Lunalesca… His voice…

Braxton hasn’t been speaking to me… I’m hearing my critic. And there’s also B III’s Aunt. I mean, seriously, how often do you want to talk to someone “feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” I know I’ve been avoiding myself as much as possible, Lu. I swear. Lunalesca, how many times has it been that I’ve listened to the Succubus Lord Series? Yesterday, I looked to see if Satan’s Sorority Girls had an audiobook. More money… The only thing that makes more noise than the usually quiet V is dollars disappearing. And the way I’ve been scanning through what to read next. The Kindle Challenge (sigh). And here you thought I was skimming through porn. Heheh! Well, not to disappoint… Ecchi Na Onee-chan ni Shiboraretai. Japanese?

Given how things are going, we could all be speaking German for the Nazis or Russian, whichever the GOP prefers, but seeing as how I’m a Black Man. They don’t want me to speak at all. You know, the whole being dead and all. Is that why I’m a monster, Luna? Like father, like son, Braxton would follow me. And if I taught him that Lunalesca? I am more of a zombie than a ghost. As usual, I eat, but it doesn’t help ever, Luna. Going with another song, “Am I A Psycho?” Worst, if you’ve read my books, Lunalesca. Oh yeah! Here I am, almost thirty-nine, and what have I done? I haven’t lived a day. Especially after losing Braxton. Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil

930 Days Without B III, Day 371 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will