Tag: Questions

Tale 360 ~Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper~

WillLeave a comment

It’s Only A Paper Moon… Nope. According to the publisher, it’s been six years. So, the moon is very real. Moving the tides but not turning the pages of all I’ve written. About love? No, Braxton left three years ago. “Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper”

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Tale 360 ~Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I wake up every day with a heart bursting with love for you. But today, my love, I also woke up with something else. Hmm…

Hope. Such mad hope. But there it is. Huh. I’d rather wake up with a fervent hope, a desire to see my son Braxton. Alive, thriving, and brimming with the joy of life once more.

I love you and our family. I’ll Always Love My Mama. I have a younger sister and two nephews. I’d only need a little paper to make a list of all those that I love.

Speaking of which, why did I wake up with hope… Do not worry, my love; despite my business leanings, I haven’t gone all out, like the characters in ‘Succubus Lord, ‘Satan’s Sorority Girls, ‘Bikini Days, ‘and ‘Backyard Dungeon. ‘ These are just some of the books I’ve been reading in my free time. Love, didn’t I say I have a lot of time to read?

Today, I woke up with a glimmer of hope. It was sparked by a dream, a memory from six years ago when I heard from that publishing company. The dream, though fleeting, brought back a surge of emotions and a renewed sense of possibility. Really?

Time has a way of slipping through our fingers, doesn’t it? I’ve spent the past three years in mourning, and I know there will be more. But please, don’t hold that against me. I yearn for a different kind of love. One that’s not confined to paper or literary aspirations. I want to be a lover, not just a lyricist… sometimes. I want a tangible love that I can hold in my arms and feel in my heart every day.

Someone You Loved… I hope someone you love shouldn’t require so much paperwork, Baby Doll. But again, with all my extra time, there is a lot of it. Now you know why I would rather look at shapely Yabbos all day. Or dream that my Braxton is watching over me.

But I can write this all down. And what does it mean to you, love?

The critic says it’s a mess. My account hints that I need more paper. Every time you hand me something to read, Darling… Well, that’s rare. But being a parent with all our children’s drawings, dealing with grades, and deciding that they want to follow in my footsteps… with writing at least. I don’t want to be their dad on paper or with our DNA. I want to be their dad in every sense of the word, guiding, supporting, and loving them unconditionally. I must.

You, love? Well, you’ve always been more of a More Than Words type of woman. You’ve been my inspiration, strength, and reason to keep going. Writing about us would be enough to put all those books I mentioned to shame. And then there’s the studio, “selling” experiences, and several cosplays. Such love for my business.

Braxton, though, you and our family. Virgil. While I’m a paperboy. Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper

1241 Days Without B III, Day 682 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 359 ~Feeling Good Is A Responsibility~

WillLeave a comment

Money, Power, Women… Everything wouldn’t make me happy. Braxton couldn’t even do that. But he was better than most women. He made me want to be better. Why, it’s almost like being in love. Now it’s my “burden?” “Feeling Good Is A Responsibility”

Monday, June 24, 2024

Tale 359 ~Feeling Good Is A Responsibility~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… And those that aren’t, I don’t need to be reminded of. Like someone asking, how are you?

Give me my son back, and then we’ll talk. I mean, I haven’t washed Braxton’s bedding or favorite toy to this very day. I’ll need his DNA at some point. If this week works out. Oh! So I’m going to finish a book this week. Am I feeling okay, Madam. It’s been 1240 Days. And I continue to mourn my son’s euthanasia. Feeling Good? Oh No! The depth of my grief is the norm. And they say it’s no one’s responsibility to make you happy. It is yours. It’s mine…

So write the book and “go get the money, go get the money,” as the song goes. But that’s not living “my” purpose. Am I trying to sound like a motivational speech? How I wish.

But having money feels better.

Now, if I can’t get my son, Braxton, back, If I can’t feel the warm and fuzzies for little Virgil…

POWER! No one man should have all that power. And I don’t mean in a physical sense per se. Madam, there is literally another rule that talks about how money makes a man look. A man? Haven’t I been talking about manhood equating to fatherhood? And some of the men that I admire most… I don’t know if they have families of their own. Sigh.

When you spend the better part of the day looking up new adult starlets, you find out the men they’re with, too. To have a body like that? To make women like them, Madam… Uh…

Yearn, Yell, Yield… That’s power.

And Scarface said it best:

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then, when you get the money, you get the power. Then, when you get the power, then you get the women.”

I want to feel good, if only for a little while. But I need money to spend. And I am struggling to find the energy to stay awake today. But what wakes me up every day? Rather, how do I feel when I wake up in the morning? I check the foot of the bed for B. Then I check his bed. The longing for the past is a constant companion. My Braxton is gone!

And Virgil? Sometimes, he’s on ‘my’ bed. Other times, I have to set up the gate, and he sleeps in Braxton’s room. Which leaves me alone to what? I look for various distractions, like bigger and smaller Yabbos, to fill the void. I know. Eww!

But if I want to make the good feelings last… I must take responsibility. Had I done this before, I wouldn’t need any ACCEPTANCE. Braxton being gone? No! Never! But… Feeling Good Is A Responsibility.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1240 Days Without B III, Day 681 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 358 ~Virgil’s Goals Will B~

WillLeave a comment

So what’s our goal? To do our best! Nope, we got a new goal now! Our new goal…is victory! Now’s not the time for Final Fantasy X or XXX. I have a whole week to actually do something. For myself? For Braxton! For Virgil… “Virgil’s Goals Will B”

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Tale 358 ~Virgil’s Goals Will B~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Remember, those who can do, and those who can’t teach. I’m sure you’re familiar with this saying. Now, let’s focus on setting some goals for you. Uh… Great, now you’re thinking about adult films featuring teachers. Eww!

(Cue Final Fantasy VIII’s The Oath) Time for some motivation…

Yes, you’re trying not to laugh. And at the same time, you’re trying not to cry. But after the initial thought of “Where’s Braxton?” And then the reminder that he’s no longer with you… Sigh. I understand Sunday will always be a tough day. Anyway, you thought of The Oath.

And aren’t I supposed to be offering you some motivation right now? Here are the facts: I’ve wasted five months of this existence, and June is nearly done. You’re approaching 40. Before you lies a solid week. You’d have even more days if I hadn’t wasted them. You only need to talk to Inspector Echo. Then, your writing schedule is clear. OH! Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016* No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Here’s something else. You know why that asterisk is there… What was I doing on Friday, June 21, 2024? But I’m not owning up to it. And apparently, neither are you. And before you go crazy: Hot Juicy Teacher, Desperate BLANK Housewives, Shusaku, Isaku, BLANK Taxi, Saimin Seishidou, Piper Niven, and FDS featuring Estella Bathory and Harmony Reigns. I swear Cherry has ruined you when it comes to fuller-figured women with foreign accents. But are you calmer now? This wasn’t the motivation I was suggesting. Unless you plan on calling Johnny Sins. Remember who you’re talking to, and listen to me. If I could give you honest advice, it’d be to give up “adulting motivations.”

Good luck with that. Good luck with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 12, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So yeah, before we were interrupted by your libido, we were discussing this week’s goals. Besides the Six Impossible Things, you have a chance at number 3 this week. Finally! This isn’t one of Braxton’s novels, but it will be a chance to start them. Or will you look up an excuse? You’re not worried about the Day Job anymore. But today… it never ends. You have to text your Ma today. And tomorrow is your father’s birthday… I understand.

No wonder you’re yearning for a release. The stress can drive you mad. And Braxton’s passing? It’s a heavy burden to bear. But soldier on.

Dealing with your grief is not one of your goals, but showing signs of living? Because existence is only a temporary goal. Show Virgil you’re better. Virgil’s Goals Will B

1239 Days Without B III, Day 680 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 353 ~B Preserves It, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A life worth remembering. To have lineage, a legacy, lots of money, and love… Braxton and I had each other. Never enough money, but there was love. As for ladies? Well, unlike Virgil, Braxton had “balls.” But saving his life? B Preserves It, Virgil

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Tale 353 ~B Preserves It, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love our family. I love what I do… NOW. Virgil is alright. But my love for you, my future wife, is beyond words. But what about my… existence? Sigh.

NO! I’d rather talk about my Braxton. Surprise, surprise! My son’s been gone 1234 days. And you know what I thought about as soon as we were finished? And again, Baby Doll, I’m sorry. As Norah Jones sang, “I don’t know why I didn’t come.” Well, I do know, love.

As I was getting a towel to dry you off after… I couldn’t help but notice Braxton’s bed, untouched, and his favorite toy still in the same spot. These items hold so much of him, his essence, his DNA. It’s a bittersweet reminder, my love.

When it comes to my firstborn son, I’ve said even though I didn’t pour the Bisquick. Braxton was/is my favorite Pancake. I still have some of Braxton’s food and medications.

My love, “Had I known how to save a life.”

My love, I find myself in a constant battle. I hold onto my grief for Braxton as if it’s the only way to keep him close. But in doing so, it feels like I’m also losing my love for you. It’s a painful paradox, one that I’m trying to navigate.

I’ve been talking a lot about having “Too Much Time on My Hands.” And with the summer months, I’m thawing out even more pain. And not just mine, Baby Girl. Do you remember the book “Lust” by Ker Dukey? It was about a former football star who lost his brother. Then there’s “40 Days and 40 Nights,” about the guy and his ex-girlfriend. Oh No!

Where am I taking this?

There are also three more of my favorite books:
The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson
A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel
The Island by Gary Paulsen

One man is a former adult star who can no longer perform. Another runs away from the world after the loss of his son. I REALLY relate to that one. The third camps out on an island, and his “girlfriend” says he’s changing. But what do all these titles have in common? I ask you.

Men who stop performing, playing, and preserving their legacies. Sunday was Father’s Day, and I’ll say it again. Fatherhood is the epitome of Manhood. And what is mine, I ask?

Being your husband. A good father to our children, even to Virgil. But I need your understanding and support to save myself in this. Somehow, Someway! B Preserves It, Virgil

1234 Days Without B III, Day 675 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 352 ~Even The Devil Gets Homesick~

WillLeave a comment

Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but “Nobody Wants To Die.” Wasn’t that why I was working hard at the Day Job? And what happened to my son. And maybe if I read enough to get smart enough to write enough, we’d find Heaven. Even The Devil Gets Homesick

Monday, June 17, 2024

Tale 352 ~Even The Devil Gets Homesick~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Concepts, Ideas, Knowledge vs Belief? Just words like, better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

Funny, I bring that up today. Although today isn’t today, it’s Thursday, June 13, 2024.

And I am afraid. You see how the days smoosh together. I’m scared every day. It’s by my doing, for the most part. I don’t Doublethink like some. I overthink! And why is that now?

Yes, Braxton is still gone, passed away, if I’m being nice about it. I don’t mean to sound cavalier about it, either. Madam, my son might have lived if I had weeks like this before.

So, it’s looking like a short week, and the next one will be shorter. I’m not going to be making anything. I abhor the Day Job, but there are three little words: I need money!

For me and for Virgil

And how about more books? Didn’t I mention myself writing one in my “conversation with Braxton?” I’ve got several. There are two I wrote for him. I love reading and writing… As long as it’s not about fur buddies meeting their ends. Why do I read those, hmm? They don’t make me feel better. And they only give me ideas on how to honor B.

Again, that takes money. And I’ll have plenty of time to think about it. But first, I’ll be worrying about the Day Job. Isn’t that what led to Braxton’s passing? Second, I’ll worry about getting in trouble with the day job, my dad, or the “D” in my pants. Third, there’s writing anything worthwhile, period. Don’t I miss it ever?

Yes! This explains why I was at the Dining Room table this morning. And I’m back in bed this afternoon. Because it’s hard not to be dirty. Did I say that? You’re not the Inspector.

But to be honest, what was Heaven? Where is Heaven? I swear, Madam, when I was reading the Day Job schedule and thinking I’d done something wrong… Joining B III?

No! Even on his last day, B wanted to come home with me. B III found his place with me. Heaven was lying with me as I read. Or it was sandwiched between his aunt and me. There’s my drooling over Cherry’s “shenanigans.” Sitting in the middle bed, “relaxed.” Reigning. Day Job’s not Heaven, but… Even The Devil Gets Homesick
“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1233 Days Without B III, Day 674 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 351 ~Father To B… V~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Father’s Day? Sooner or later, I’m going to have to tell my father. And here I am, nearly forty and… Well, B III is my son, furry, four legs, and all but no less my son. But what did I provide him? A box. A pendant. What about V? Father To B… V

Sunday, June 16, 2024

Tale 351 ~Father To B… V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Not “boy,” husband, or FATHER… Uh Oh! Guess what day it is? Father’s Day. Ya-Huh. Sigh. I’m sure you understand the weight of these roles, the constant juggling, and the occasional self-doubt that comes with them. But…

“You Are Not A Caveman,” that’s rule number two. Use your own words! The Daddy voice. How many times do you have to go through the Drive-thru and be called Ma’am? Seriously! And I know you’re jonesing for a Big Mac and fries. I was on DoorDash last night. But with only $40.00? Funny, Huh? That’s your budget until payday. Ok! How will you live?

How does a man live? But you are not a man… Wait a minute! Fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. Fair enough. And what does a man do, Will? A man provides for his family.

And where is your family? Where is your son… sons? Braxton is in a box. While Virgil should be one of my Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 11, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, at least I read one book about a man becoming a father. And with what you’re reading now… Please don’t let the Dad be the bad guy. So, you think that now, while you quote lines from “Breaking Bad.” But you would have done anything to save your son.

Think about your father, Will. He does everything for you, even if you don’t acknowledge it. He’s just not trying to save you necessarily. But he’s keeping you alive. He’s given you the freedom to be a lazy bum with a house. Yet, you struggle with the simple act of saying Happy Father’s Day. Reflect on that for a while.

Daddy Issues? The Bible says, “Honor thy father and thy mother.” It also says to “rather fear Him that is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Uh, my Father… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Your dream? Well, one in particular is to be a father. More, a daddy, and with that, to become a man. It pops up from time to time… Uh, eww! You blame Phoebe Cates’s red bikini in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High.” There’s Cherry’s lingerie and lips. Arelia the maid… Special K, who was my actual maid. M Anime, Kelly Kapowski, Kimberly Hart, Leia Organa, Topanga Lawrence, and you can go on. Eat your heart out, Christian Gray; you have a type and a dream. Yes, one of being on a beach with your wife and children to be called Daddy. But it’s so far away. Git Up, Get Out, and make these dreams a reality… You were Braxton’s Dad. Virgil? Father To B… V

1232 Days Without B III, Day 673 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 346 ~The B Keeper Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I think Braxton is trying to tell me something. I need to break in the new/old couch downstairs with a good movie. Of course, I didn’t buy it. My Olds decorating this house for a future I can’t see. And don’t want to. “The B Keeper Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Tale 346 ~The B Keeper Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I would “Dive for You.” What? Am I longing for a movie night with everything?

That movie is 2004’s Appleseed. Everything is about my little boy Braxton. But he’s not. Right? I have you babe, our babies, and business. My future is coming on. Our…

Yours and mine. But Braxton’s I keep. I don’t know what we’ll be doing tomorrow. Inevitably, though. Or at least it has been for at least 1227 days. I’ve found my way to my Braxton.

Love will find a way. As the song goes. And I do mean the Blessid Union of Souls version, Baby Doll. And not “The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride” edition. Wow! I’m really looking for a date night. “I Think I Love My Wife,” I’m kidding. I know. Like, I know I love B III.

Love, a future without him…

I’ve been thinking about the future a lot. Retirement? Don’t I wish. I’m nearly forty. Whenever I think about it, I immediately go back to my son. I know you don’t like me saying this, but the only thing I regret more than my birth is B’s passing. His euthanasia.

At least I didn’t have a say in birth. But ending Braxton… Ending everything, grieving.

“I’m Thinking of Ending Things.” I mean the movie. Not us, love. Always and forever.

But what does forever look like if you can stand me crying for my lost boy every few days. I was just talking about reading Hannah Bennett’s “The Survival Guide to Pet Loss” and Backyard Dungeon 11. To have all the time in the world.

“THEY,” say if you do what you love, then you’ll never work a day in your life. Sigh. First, I need to start living, but that’s another story. You’re my future, so I want to spend more time with you. If it isn’t sitting on the couch watching movies, it’s lying together as we listen to some 50’s apocalyptic pop. I don’t know how to sell a contradiction, right? Ha-Ha!

I want to keep writing books and making movies with beautiful women. And be somewhere between Hefner, Dennis Hof, and Jedediah the Terrible. Minus the criminality… A moral grey area

Beekeeping though? I’m not interested in the practice or the Jason Statham flick, The Beekeeper. But Braxton, you and our children, and Virgil buzzing around me. The B Keeper Virgil.

1227 Days Without B III, Day 668 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 345 ~Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion~

WillLeave a comment

It’s six, three, or one impossible thing a day. Just me getting out of this bed. And never with love or happiness. It’s fear and a J O B (snickers). Most people are of the opinion I have a good life. But me existing? Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion

Monday, June 10, 2024

Tale 345 ~Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Tell that to the Six Impossible Things list I make every Sunday. In my “whimsical” tradition, I jot down six seemingly impossible things that bring me misery or betterment… Questions without answers. But how about today, Madam.

I could really use a wish right now. But impossible things are happening every day! Madam, I’m at least writing them out. And since I’m sure I’ll fail five out of six, where shall I go? Don’t tempt me. I’ve got something impossible, but Virgil, the new guy, is here. And so… I’m still breathing.

Let’s talk about Braxton. He’s always number one on my list. And haven’t they been able to clone dogs? Refrain from talking about what I’ve been reading. Just today, which is Sunday, June 2, 2024. I’ve looked it up to see if it’s possible. Not from hair or ashes. Bedding?

I’m sure that carries Braxton’s DNA. And his favorite toy? But besides that, I’ve bought another book to help me cope with losing my fur buddy. And then there’s Backyard Dungeon 11. I’m still bothering…

Cherry has a low opinion of those types of books. I remember when I bought M Anime some titles—awkward. And I still need to get B’s Aunt a birthday present. So, even more books!

Madam, it didn’t take tequila to make her clothes fall off. Did I really say that? Again, she’s almost like a sister to me… Almost. Cherry, M Anime, I fear they’ll get sick of me.

“The horror! The horror!” FEAR, my dear Madam. Of what? Of being abandoned, left alone, or arrested. The things I think about daily. Wild, Wicked, Wrong. Everything I want is insipid, insane, illegal, and/or impossible. It depends on who you ask. B wouldn’t have cared.

Because my son is brave. And the fears I have…

It’s impossible to give each one a name. And if I tell you, I’m afraid of everything, my Madam. It feels like I am more and more with each passing day. My Braxton and Fear.

Three wishes and three impossible things. The third would be to become what I desire.

I can’t clone my boy. I can’t find my courage. And to climb out of bed willing, on any day ending in Y. But why is that? I know full well it’s not a fact. Because Virgil is still here.

It’s impossible for Virgil to be Braxton. As impossible as it is for me to find acceptance in Braxton’s passing. Those are facts. Impossible to live? That’s not Braxton’s opinion. Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1226 Days Without B III, Day 667 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 344 ~That’ll B 666, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. I was done with God when Braxton died. Since Braxton’s gone, I’m not kneeling to my son. And Virgil wishes I was on the floor with him. Then there’s my Olds… Bend the knee. That’ll B 666, Virgil.

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Tale 344 ~That’ll B 666, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you don’t have the mark of the beast upside your forehead yet. And speaking of beast…

Braxton’s been gone for 1225 days. You don’t believe that Euthanasia is the “good death.” But compared to how you’re existing or only feeling right this second… You’d take it. That’s why your son was/is a better man. Because even in the end, all he wanted was to live. Braxton wanted to come home with you. Only he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. Ha!

Not cool. Not funny. Braxton died on a Sunday. And Virgil has met a milestone… Uh, you think so. Virgil has been here 666 days. He’s yet to become a beast or even your son.

And what about you? As hard as I am on you, do you really want to go “home” to those people? Better to stay and contemplate these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Survival Guide to Pet Loss: How to Manage Grief
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yet going home is not one of them. Do you remember 2023’s Christmas Day? No! You blocked that memory out as best you can. Humiliations Galore and whatnot, my dude.

Tomorrow will be full of them, so why ruin a perfectly good Sunday? Because Sundays have been different since Little Braxton’s passing. But it’s always been full of the dead.

Braxton knew every Sunday to shut up because of The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead. And speaking of the braindead, isn’t wrestling coming on tonight? Roxanne Perez’s fight and The Women’s North American Title match. (Cue Homer drooling). Seriously!

You’d give that up to go home, wherever that is to Braxton. And not to your Olds. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 11, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Do you stay or do you go? If the holy rollers are right, choosing between taking the mark of the beast or not is an easier decision. Again, you can always choose to join Braxton.

Last week, besides thinking of some Yabbos. I was thinking of joining my boy. Today? You won’t go that far. But do you stay sitting in bed and face the consequences of rejecting your Olds? Or do you fall deeper into your Depression and go? You could take Virgil Vivi.

Yeah, subject him to people. Indeed, what makes a monster, and what makes a man? A beast. Everyone wants to be a beast until it’s time to do what beasts do. And that’s… FIGURE IT OUT! That’ll B 666, Virgil

1225 Days Without B III, Day 666 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

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“I know you were right, I can’t be fixed.” Tell that to Virgil. He got stuck with broken me. Is it good that I’m nuts because he doesn’t have any? Jokes aren’t getting us any closer. And Braxton’s further away. Women… Ha-Ha. “Virgil, To B Apart”

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But those three little words, “I Love You,” are so far apart some days, love.

And I’m trying to figure out how to push them back together every day. Somehow. Taking Braxton’s ashes, with a bit of his fur and whatever else he left of himself, isn’t going to bring him back to me. Ladders can only go so high. Or how low I would have to go. That would be easier. But I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart. This mess

Those pieces are stopping me from finding the way to Hell. And looking into those pieces, do you know what I see? All the parts of this existence I love. Again, my love, I try.

But I’m no good with fixing things around the house. I couldn’t fix Braxton. What about our marriage? Not broken

Love has so many new parts now. Gigantic! A big, big love! Did I say that out loud? I can’t be that far gone when I want even more babies. If you’re up for that, my love. And isn’t that the whole point of existence? I believe that love is the answer. You know. Ha-Ha.

More to the point, the meaning of life… Seek out a kingdom “Worthy of Your Soul.” OK, I’ll turn the music off. But it’s a part of who I am. Only there are bigger parts. Um, well, you know that Baby Girl. OK, I’ll stop. But you would rather have me revved up than crying.

But I cried the whole time. Doesn’t matter had… relations.

Lies and jokes, my love…

I’m trying to find more parts of myself to help build us. And then there’s B III—boy, dog, son.

I want him to see from Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or wherever he ended up. My love, I need an existence so big that… What, he’ll find his way back? He’ll see my kept promise?

If I could love you, our family, and even Virgil so much, somehow, I could find my way into Heaven or build one for us. It takes so much. There are so many moving parts.

I have to get moving and start finding those parts. Lest Braxton and I, you and I, Virgil and I never find our way together. Humpty Dumpty. Fix. Even it out. Virgil, To B Apart

1220 Days Without B III, Day 661 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will