Tag: Tears

Tale 361 ~Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I relate to Joe Stevens in “The Mill,” Bingham Madsen in Fifteen Million Merits, #000000014 from the film 2003 Share? Clarence in The Book of Clarence. Men in routines to a wife, Abi, girlfriends, a mom. I got Virgil. Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton.

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

Tale 361 ~Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Well, not if you’ve “joined Braxton.” That’s become my new way of saying “unalive.” Censorship sometimes, Inspector Echo…

But this morning, after I finished mourning the loss of my Braxton… Is that something that needs to be scheduled? It’s my morning routine. I lie in the darkness, Inspector. Moments later, I panic. And then I realize that my son, Braxton, is gone. And he’s not coming back to me or for me. And then I lay back down. Sometime later, I find my glasses, and finally, I’m prepared to see the world. Well, no, that’s a lie for two reasons. Fear and effing.

So after I’m done moaning in a completely different way… For legs, breasts, and thighs…

That makes me smile. Braxton thought the best came out of a box of chicken. But then, what’s next on my agenda. My boy, Virgil?

All these motivations I listen to tell me that your success is made in your routine. This week will be so easy. I thought. I would publish a poetry compilation, “GULP,” and that would be that. But if I have accomplished anything, it’s setting a routine for Virgil. Wake up and let him go outside… Sorry, I’m too busy crying. And then I remember how much of an adult I am with my Yabbos collections. And before I start writing…

There’s Virgil. Sometime in the afternoon, Virgil again. Like having a 9 to 5, Virgil is my commute. And before I fall asleep with all the lights on, Yep, you guessed it. Let V out.

And yet I ain’t his Daddy, Inspector. What am I?

I asked Braxton’s aunt once who she thought would win between androids vs. zombies? That’s a weird question, Inspector… Right?

She said androids, but here’s the thing. Neither one is alive. Just like me, Inspector. I struggle with ‘becoming Human’ and ‘Being a man ‘. Am I just going through the motions, like an android? Have I ever truly lived? Inspector, I feel like a lot of things, an android… Inspector, I could be a bot, Infected, a slave, a zombie… I could go on. How to be a man?

I keep going back to fatherhood being the epitome of manhood. A Man Provides, Echo.

And what I should have provided this week, Inspector Echo, is time enough at last…

Every afternoon, though, you’ll find me “spending my dimes, wasting my time” on my belly.

Or on my back moaning…

Routine? Not writing, filming, reviewing? Nothing! Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton

1242 Days Without B III, Day 683 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 357 ~We’ll B Lying, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I know the truth when I see it. Sigh. The Man in the Mirror says, “I’m not happy.” Virgil’s eyes ask, “What did I do wrong?” A couple of women are thinking, “Eww!” So, I’m not lying when I say I want to sleep a little longer. “We’ll B Lying, Virgil.”

Saturday, June 22, 2024

Tale 357 ~We’ll B Lying, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And with all I want, whatever it takes to bring Braxton back, my wrath, and women.

Lying here asleep would be in the top ten. It might land right under bringing back my son. And if I didn’t have a billion, it would be under-joining my son, B. Like this, Lunalesca:

I Don’t Have A Billion

  1. Be The Person Braxton Thinks I Am
  2. Join Braxton On The Rainbow Bridge
  3. Sleep Longer… If Possible

I Have A Billion Dollars

  1. Bring Braxton Back From The Grave
  2. Save The World…
  3. Rule From Bed

Which is where I find myself today. The things you can do on a full stomach and an empty… That’s something else I’m lying about. I’m sure I told Madam Justice about reliving some tension as I gazed at a particular girl the other day.

I can’t stand lying. But I don’t care to lose either. I swear, Lunalesca, I could join a particular political party. But I refuse to be the next Clarence Thomas, Tim Scott, Byron Donalds, or any other sell-out. But isn’t that a lie as well? For the right amount of money, Lady Lunalesca. No! The things I would do for Braxton’s life. Anything! Everything! Lunalesca.

But it wouldn’t even take all of that. Yesterday, all I wanted was a steak and baked potato… And pasta and lobster. But haven’t I been saying that I’ve been broke all week? My Lady.

Yet I bought everything you see and the book Backyard Dungeon 12. Lunalesca, I keep saying I make bad financial decisions. First World Problems Sigh.

So I can tell the truth when I want to. But every day, I have to lie more, Lady Lunalesca. Whether it’s the words that come out of my mouth… One more reason I would rather be alone with my boys. Braxton or Virgil? Braxton wasn’t a liar. And that Lunalesca is a comforting thought. My son would show you exactly what he thought. I don’t know about 2V. Awkward?

As we both lie here, Lady Lunalesca, I can’t help but feel a deep longing for solace. Virgil looks to be content, but I wonder if he truly is. I tell myself I don’t want to join Braxton, but the world outside is filled with lies. The truth is a luxury we can’t afford. It seems… We’ll B Lying, Virgil

1238 Days Without B III, Day 679 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 356 ~Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Considering I can’t buy all the books I want, I shouldn’t miss Kindle’s double points. Yes, give Jeff Bezos more money. And speaking of giving out money. My father’s B-Day is soon. And since I have a Day Job… Read on? Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton?

Friday, June 21, 2024

Tale 356 ~Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Judging by that title, I would rather tell Braxton tales. Humiliations, Happy Birthdays, Humping Around, Hiccups…

In my childhood, growth and development in becoming a REAL man? I need more books. Yesterday, I was looking up books about Dog Dads. I’m still missing my Braxton, Sophia.

Walking through the front door is weird, and I have to cycle between the letters B and V, as in Braxton and Virgil. And no, I am no closer to Acceptance. Braxton being gone, never!

But if I’m not reading about another book on my son’s passing, what’s next, Sophia? Thursday, I finished “Attention, Shoppers” by Blair Daniels. Only today’s book review will cover Backyard Dungeon 11 by Logan Jacobs. And what about book 12? Strangely enough, all I’ve been reading has manhood/fatherhood vibes at its core, dear Lady Sophia.

But first, that book review.

A 7-11 In Backyard Dungeon

I’m picking up another four stars for Backyard Dungeon 11. Is there any chance of five since I’ve read the first ten books? Close, but there is always a “but” or seven. Ha-Ha! What’s a man to do when he has everything: seven wives, his dogs/garms, and his first child? As the saying goes, “Disregard Females, Acquire Currency.” Well, not that first part… Besides all the Effing of his seven wives… Soon to be eight? Screwing up his enemies is quite a fun time reading about. And the pop culture references scattered about. However, this title is more of a guilty pleasure of mine. Even with some of my more open-minded friends… the redneck shenanigans, Colonizer chicanery can’t be ignored.

So, back to this existence, what all happened yesterday had me waking up at 3:00 AM to a nightmare. Isn’t every day with my firstborn son? Anyway, the Day Job was exhausting and humiliating as usual. But I don’t have to worry about the schedule.

Sophia, I should “Shout Praises!” I’ve been worried about the Day Job. Only now… Sigh.

My father’s birthday is coming up. I could get him the books he told me to read, Animal Farm and 1984. And look at me now, on the cusp of living out those books in real time, Soph. And even writing them. I did work on GULP before I got the schedule, so no time?

Tell that to Braxton. I wish. Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton

1237 Days Without B III, Day 678 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 355 ~The Daily B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Extra, Extra! Read all about it! I have “Too Much Time on My Hands,” but I won’t be reading the paper. And how many books do I have left that I haven’t read? There’s so much editing to do. And writing about my sons, uh son? “The Daily B, Virgil”

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Tale 355 ~The Daily B, Virgil~

1236 Days Without B III, Day 677 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Didn’t I speak to you a few hours ago? Thursday, June 13, 2024, around 10:20?

I have all the time in the world for you now, B III. Well… until 4:55 PM. Rise and shine? I’m not that lazy… yet. But I’m trying to get Virgil onto a schedule. And I’m not trying to criticize him. But you were so much easier when it came to outside time. Age? Experience? That’s not a criticism of you, either. I’d bring McD’s back so you going out…

Yeah, we’d share fries. Then you’d go take care of your business. And walking, Braxton. Again, it comes with age. You only wanted to chill with me in bed. All you needed was a mom, and we would have been golden. Golden fries, my gold, and golden curls. Uh, no.

I’m into brunettes, you know.

But it won’t be any of that for the next few weeks. I’ve been thinking about that for the past few hours since I got my new schedule. Effed. My walking papers? The Day Job.

Braxton, I should shut up talking like that. I don’t need that Juju in the universe. It’s why I never thought about you passing away, either. Again, bad Juju. But I’m hungry, with a heavy heart. And existing is hard. How I long for the days I could send you to your room, B III. Eww! And Virgil is hanging out on the bed again. You could tell Virgil off.

Remember, “That’s my spot,” “my daddy,” and “my life.” None of us listened, did we?

Virgil, your aunt, or me.

And then I talk to you on Thursdays. Please! I speak to you daily because I’m scared or not trying to be “skeevy.” Or I feel STUPID! You’re among the top ten things I think about, Braxton. On the Daily!

Hopefully, you have better things to do on The Rainbow Bridge, in Heaven, or wherever.

But what am I going to do next week and the week after? I could do what I promised, B.

I have all the time in the world to edit and finish one or two of my books—yours and mine. I can try something that would make me not feel bad sitting here on a daily basis, B. TRY!

Do I have a choice, being scared, stupid, and with sons? The Daily B, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Juneteenth… First, let me explain that I’m just a black man. And no MAGA/GOP, that isn’t a sin. My sin lies in my son Braxton’s Euthanasia. I’ll never be free of my Grief. But, fear, bad dreams, my Olds, Day Job… FREEDOM! “We’ll B FREE, Virgil.”

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And I don’t mean not keeping my promise to my son Braxton. That title sounded familiar, Inspector Echo.

FREEDOM is a significant word in my life, much like HAPPINESS or HOME. Yet, these words, these concepts, seem distant and intangible. They are mere symbols devoid of real meaning. They are like a cow’s mess, scattered and meaningless… BS

Inspector, you want a word that means anything. I can give you one, meaning everything.

Braxton. Braxton Barks Bradford. Son.

I’ve told the story of B III’s name, or at least my opinion. My Ma gave Braxton his name. Uh…

My son Braxton was named after Braxton P. Hartnabrig, a character from The Jamie Foxx Show. This character was a tall, light-skinned man with a ‘classy’ attitude. However, my son Braxton, a short, beige fluff ball, shares only his name and believes he’s superior to everyone. But he lacks the class. Ha! My brave boy.

Hence, his middle name Barks.

Now, I named Virgil after the Roman poet of the same name. Primarily because he led Dante through Hell itself. That’s another sin; I dragged Virgil down here with me.

Inspector as I speak on the sins against my sons, Braxton and Virgil. It would be remiss not to talk about the third sin that has brought us here today. And that is of FREEDOM.

Today is Juneteenth, a day of liberation and freedom long denied. So what about mine? I was “freed” from sleep because of a bad dream. I make bad financial decisions.

$139.68, that’s the exact amount of a PAYCHECK. And that’s from the last ‘good’ week. This week has been worse. The next one promises to be even more challenging. PAYCHECK, HAPPINESS, HOME, FREEDOM… These are just words, empty and meaningless. Yet, I continue to write.

Because aren’t I a writer? All words have meaning. And how else do I expect to be free, I ask!

How many hours for my last measly PAYCHECK? And at the same time, barely any hours this week. And if I had any cash, I could go on vacation for most of next week, too.

Write, Edit, Publish! That is the key to freedom, but did you see me yesterday? Inspector, you can’t say that I didn’t try. What? I didn’t try to edit one of “my” books.” My pants?

Well, I kept them on. I still have $12.00 on OnlyFans, but I need $20.00 for a payout. What’s next?

FREEDOM from everything… well, FEAR! Because Grief is going nowhere. Braxton. We’ll B FREE, Virgil

1235 Days Without B III, Day 676 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 350 ~Spacing B And V~

WillLeave a comment

You can’t take the sky from me. Or there’s, “Just look up. There is no place to hide. True love doesn’t die.” I swear, the things I remember about my B, and then I space out logging in. I long to be wherever Braxton is. But here I am. Spacing B And V

Saturday, June 15, 2024

Tale 350 ~Spacing B And V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… but that’s only part of the dream, Lunalesca. There’s unconditional love. A woman, children, and dogs…

And I should stop lying. Lady Lunalesca, I want to be involved in the ‘Stuff & Thangs’ regarding women. By this, I mean activities like Cosplay, Filming, and even Brothels… I remember Dennis Hof and his dog Domino. Speaking of dogs, there’s a reason my Braxton didn’t have any siblings until after he passed. Keeping up with two, Lunalesca… Was I really going to say that Virgil is enough for me? He tries a lot.

Braxton though… Ask me where my heart is. How about what I would sell my soul for, Lu? And there’s another part of me, a dirty and “sinful” part, that I wish I could give up. It’s a part that brings me pleasure, but I don’t believe I deserve it.

But as forgetful as I’ve become lately, I’ll always remember Yabbos. In particular, Whitney Wright’s Yabbos. That’s who I was DMing this morning, anyway… Really?

Why do you think I share my feelings with you, my Little Braxton’s “Spirit,” and the Man in the Mirror? Because I feel stupid and old. I’m becoming forgetful. And I space out, Lady Lu.

Take yesterday, for example. I forgot a simple login for something I use every day, Lunalesca. It slipped my mind, and it’s not the first time. This forgetfulness is becoming a regular occurrence, and it’s worrying me. But afterward, I was able to rattle off a plethora of movies that I wanted to watch again. Before that, there was OnlyFans. Like I’ve said, I have been around. One problem though…

Yeah! I forgot that I didn’t have any money. But that didn’t stop me from remembering “Prom Night.” Not “my” prom, but the Whitney Wright film. And that’s where the last of my OnlyFans account went. Don’t forget to cancel…

It’s like my mind is the universe. Uh! Lu, I give myself way too much credit but hear me out.

Braxton, my son, was my Sun. Everything went around him. But without B III, Luna.

Now Virgil drifts between being a new sun and Mercury. He’s far from the light I need, but sometimes he keeps me warm. But Lunalesca, the black hole… Braxton’s passing is a constant source of grief that I can’t escape.

Women are from Venus, right? They’re hot and dangerous. And between me and my boys…

Earth is me. Again, I give myself too much credit. And again, I’ve been spacing out. It feels like I can’t breathe, Luna. And I’m not sure I want to. I can’t remember how sometimes.

I could continue. The black calls… Spacing B And V.

1231 Days Without B III, Day 672 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 349 ~Virgil, Will, Forever B~

WillLeave a comment

So many monsters know immortality, eternity, and forever. My Braxton could be a beast. Ha! And he’s up there terrorizing a heavenly buffet or guarding the gates of “heck.” Where will I end up? All the time in the world, right? Virgil, Will, Forever B

Friday, June 14, 2024

Tale 349 ~Virgil, Will, Forever B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Is my autobiography too painful? Well, “I Can’t Stop.” And then there’s Braxton and MORE BOOKS!

But what about Braxton’s two novels? They are not just novels but deeply personal accounts of our shared experiences. As I’ve told Braxton and some of the girls, I have more than enough time. More than Three Days Grace and the “Pain” of it all. So I should start now.

But already, I’m late. That’s one of Braxton’s last lessons to me. I was so busy with the Day Job that I ignored him. Three years later, I’m scared of losing all “my” working hours.

Seriously, at the same Day Job, I blame for losing him. They are the only people at fault other than myself for Braxton having to be put to sleep. Much like the term Euthanasia, I hate that phrase being “put to sleep.” I nearly explained that to one of my nephews. But there are books:

“Loosing” A Pet Lost Stars

I’m not going to say anything about “Loosing” a pet. I don’t know if I would be right or wrong. But I’ll tell you what I know. It’s three stars. And let me tell you what else I know. I love my boy. He’s been gone three long years, and this book made me cry. But I cry with every book on pet loss, too. The most I got from Hannah Bennett’s The Survival Guide to Pet Loss is more ways to honor my furry son’s life. And his passing. But with the friends, I know that have experienced the same… I don’t like the fact I’ve read so many books on this pain. But I can recommend better titles.

One more book review down, Lady Sophia. What do THEY say… the internet is forever?

And that’s what I’ve been thinking about between the Day Job, the dollars lost, and another D that hasn’t done anything for me in a week. Is this how I want to be remembered, Lady Sophia? A guy who is lost in a Divinyls ditty, “I Touch Myself.” Uh, Eww!

I would rather be known as a devoted father of two… so far. But again, my Braxton is gone. And Virgil, my other “son,” and I aren’t exactly on the best terms. Always and Forever? But yes, I’ve called him son here or there, but…

But nothing. I have to write. And look at the time. It may look like forever. But only Braxton knows forever. Virgil, Will, Forever B

1230 Days Without B III, Day 671 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

WillLeave a comment

When did I last call Virgil a Good Boy/Good Puppy? Didn’t he just “GO” outside? If only I got paid for a bodily function… Eww! But I did make 12 bucks on OnlyFans. And 40 as the employee of the month. That’s not good… “Virgil, B Good, Only”

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

1229 Days Without B III, Day 670 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? These past few days, for me. To quote a famous dog owner… Good Grief! Braxton.

I need you now more than ever. Only that’s a lie. Tomorrow is coming, B. Then the next day. And the day after, and the day after that. I should have followed you, like always. But knowing how bad I am on the inside – Anger, Depression, Yabbos, etc. And the outside isn’t any better, B. Cameras, mirrors, my eyes…

Remember your bath times, Braxton? I started handing you over to the groomers, not wanting to be mad at you. Those were the good times, Braxton. I recently came across a video of one of those baths. I cried. It’s amazing how much can change in just a few days.

One Thursday morning, you stopped crying, and I figured you needed a check-up, B III.

Then, on a Sunday afternoon, I hear the word Euthanasia, and my Old Man asks: “Are you getting a new dog?” That’s your grandpa for you, B. Oh! And that BBQ I went to on Sunday. I swear you wouldn’t have tolerated your cousins. But free food B III. Ha!

That was the only good financial decision I’ve made in quite a while. Did you see what I did yesterday? Or instead, what I didn’t do. Eww! But still ten bucks for a girl that’s not Cherry. Not even close.

Only she won’t be painting the town red. And I need new books. Ok, no, I don’t, but B III. You know, better than most.

It was good when we lied together, and I read “appropriate” stuff, Braxton. It’s one of the reasons you are so bright. Reading was/is Heaven. But seeing it? No! That was no good at all. Then again, how would I know? You could be hugged up by a girl with a “pretty face, a firm backside, and big (Yabbos) like casaba melons.” Yes, that’s from Coming To America, but still…

Braxton, that would be the “Good Life,” wouldn’t it? But M Anime, Cherry, your “honorary” aunt. Your Daddy is not a good person, B. I’m a very sad one. But for how much longer? Virgil is trying. He’s even back to sleeping in the bed with me. Virgil sees a Bad Moon Rising. Maybe he is courageous. Me? My Mood: Depressing. Virgil, B Good, Only…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

WillLeave a comment

This is no game; this is no drill. Battle Stations! Um, Abandon Ship… from my brief stint in the Navy. I’ve cried so many tears. Sweated bullets. And let’s not talk about other bodily fluids. I’m supposed to exist in “this.” But no Codes B And V

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Have I spent too much money… AGAIN! Last time I checked, Virgil is alive and “physically” well. Mentally?

Well, here on this Wednesday, June 5, 2024… V’s probably sitting on the stairs, too scared to come down. So was Braxton on that Sunday, January 31, 2021. Even if he had wanted to, which he didn’t. My son was way too sick. Dying actually. A red alert, dear Echo.

Fears like losing another fur buddy have me like Tris from Divergent. Fear keeps me up longer than any energy drink. And when Braxton was here, I could face it head-on. I found courage for my son because of my son. Someone asked, If you wanted to share your soulmate pet’s life story and you only had six words, what would they be?” My answer:

“You and me, against the world.” A father and son.

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.” Divergent

Should it worry me that I’ve written two full-blown novels for Braxton? And I’m doing nothing with them, Inspector? But six little words on the fly fit me and B III easily. Shame on me.

What about the fact that 2V has been here for 669 days? And he and I still haven’t bonded. That’s a cause for a red alert if I’ve ever heard one. General Quarters, Battle Stations!

Virgil and I are pretty decent. I should save that for my Old Man. Did I call him yet? Hmm.

There’s the alarm for when I go to the Day Job. Humiliations Galore! Inspector Echo.

Whenever the next “tragedy” strikes. As in Virgil making a mess. To the fence falling. What about DISH Network, Inspector?

I swear! I will stop talking about that because what was I watching anyway? Inspector, what have I been watching for the past few minutes? It should be a red flag or alert that I’m always angry, afraid, and amorous at any given point and time. And as far as being “amorous…” A safe word? I need some code words. Or I should stop talking because I’m the only one ever in trouble. Critical writing, Inspector. The sounds of silence.

Only when I’m in the duvet, dead, or being disgusting. And when I’m disgusting Echo. Now that’s an alert I can do without when I’m about to… well, Inspector… Eww!

Deciding how to exist was easier once. But Red Alert… no Codes B And V

1228 Days Without B III, Day 669 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 343 ~Virgil, Better B Better~

WillLeave a comment

The last time, I was the “best” at something. I got $40.00! And I’m paid so little I didn’t notice it on the check. I didn’t know until the end of the month when I was told to sign the paperwork. To be a better Father, Friend… Virgil, Better B Better

Saturday, June 8, 2024

Tale 343 ~Virgil, Better B Better~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Finding out that poor people are getting money. Trump didn’t get elected. Riding to the Titanic…

In other words, I’m sad. I’m suffering from Bipolar Disorder… Where’d I get a PhD? Lunalesca, I’m a father still mourning and/or grieving my fur child. My son, my Braxton.

I’m sure there’s an explanation of the differences between mourning and grieving in many books on loss. But not in the Hannah Bennett title I finished this morning. And if you’re asking why I’m so late. It’s 9:40 AM. I woke up around 2:30ish with all the lights on. I’m still one of those Wake Up at 4:00 AM types. So, I finished Hannah’s book and then moved on to Logan Jacobs. Oh yeah! I’m on day one again after falling to some P.Y.T. Sigh.

As if (pulls out list) Night Elves, Half-Demons, Orcs, Goblins, Spirans, and Succubi are better.

Drama is one thing, but crazy is something else. I’m trying to keep that to a minimum, Lady Lunalesca. Save that to the fairytales. Yeah, Tinkerbelle… “Where Is My Mind?”

Lunalesca, it shouldn’t be in another book about crying over furry angels. And yes, I know you’re not Lady Sophia, “my librarian.” Today, I’m trying to figure out why I feel heartbroken again. It’s not like it ever stops. But I could handle it till a few days ago. Again, I’m reading about “pet loss,” but I’ve done that plenty of times. Nothing works. And as I’ve said, I’ve fallen asleep to find the house bathed in light. I’ve missed dinner at least twice. I find myself getting angry. RAGE

RAGE beats FEAR, no doubt. I keep reading about The Five Stages of Grief. Acceptance? Lunalesca, we’ve established I’ll never reach that. Tiptoeing with the idea, but as far as…

“May I Have This Dance?” Never, Lady Luna! I absolutely positively refuse. Not B III. I refuse to accept that he’s gone, that his memory is fading. With all my might, I will hold on to every precious memory, bark, and wag of his tail.

And that’s why Virgil Vivi is not better. Because I’m not better. The day I got him is coming up in a couple of months “Gotcha Day.” I still remember spotting the three black dots along Virgil’s back. The brown around his eyes, the color of Braxton’s coat. “Braxton’s bark” of, “I couldn’t make this more black and white. Bonus points for using puppy pads.

Lunalesca, I should be making Virgil’s life better. Braxton’s? My existence? Virgil, Better B Better

1224 Days Without B III, Day 665 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will