Tag: Dreams

Meditation 196 ~Right To B Silent~

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I’d always tell my son Braxton to shut up. But when he barked, it was helping me or explaining his side. My other boy, Virgil, never makes a sound unless I’m leaving or he’s hurt. But I’ll take their noise or silence over people. “Right To B Silent.”

Monday, January 13, 2025

Meditation 196 ~Right To B Silent~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Can you hear me now? Good… That might have even been before my time, Dad. We’re old men here.

Here. You and me, always and forever, if we’re singing The Wannadies. Or forever and always, I’m always here if you’re thinking Jimi Jamison. The facts are… The time doesn’t matter; you can hear me, and I’m always here. Where did you think you got that “always” line from? When it comes to the ladies… You got that from me. What’s one more lesson, Dad?

Being the strong, silent type, you know. And speaking of what I know… Last night…

Daddy, do you feel better? I hate to see you in pain. Like father, like son. Or vice versa. I suppose. You think “such and such” was terrible on January 11, 2022. But earwax, Daddy?

Only you wanted to make sure you heard me today.

Not the alarm clock. Humans and time. You hear the clock ticking as if it were a replacement for me walking back and forth in the hall. Well, it ain’t. You treat the clock like Virgil. Something you have to listen to, but at the end of the day, what have you accomplished… Other than missing me. Again, Dad, I’m here always. Accept that, Daddy.

It’s time. And no, I don’t mean ACCEPTANCE. You look at that the way you’re looking at the bug, glow box, and trash can people. You know why I barked at all of them, ha-ha.

Yet you went a whole week not hearing anything. But at midnight… You were screamin’ at last night as if you thought you’d hear me.

And you go back and forth with it. Sometimes, you want all the noise I make to drown out all the people. The songs we listen to, the tapping of your finger across the page, and may we never forget our movie nights with “our” favorite girl. Or even” Just The Two Of Us” watching wrestling. Seriously, Daddy, no sound compared, Next 2 Our Hearts.

But yours still beating Daddy, even if you can’t hear it. Just as you refuse to say that my heart ever did. Only this is not the Tell-Tale Heart you’re reading in the silence today.

Daddy, if I were to bring you silence, I would speak that I leave you in love and peace. Practicing the Right To B Silent.

“Let us go singing as far as we go: the road will be less tedious.”

1443 Days Without B III, Day 884 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

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He that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. Is the Bible Pop Culture? Anyway, I learned a lot last week… I know something else is broken, and I have no clue how to fix it. Or cash. And that includes my existence. That’s Another B Virgil

Sunday, January 12, 2025

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Are you a Dad yet? Are you hard enough? Are you rough enough? Are you rich enough?

First off… Eww! Second, the week has just begun… Darling, the nightmare has just begun. Once again, this isn’t negativity. You are pointing out facts. And the truth hurts. Doesn’t it? That is when you can hear it. The body. The brain. Braxton’s Playlist… Madness

Braxton is ashes in a box. And you’re a boy in a bed. Would you kindly get up and do…?

Well, something other than fantasizing about Ashley Graham from RE4 or Cherry. There are so many choices. And not so many days. How many months has it been since E-Day?

And now… You know what is coming up at the end of the month. How B III met his end.

You’re so dark this morning. Dystopia and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 008, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

At least you’re telling the truth about number four. The last time you broke, it took MILF Dos’s voice and Cherry’s body. What do you want? Perfection, Consistency, uh… Discipline. Hell, the answer is your name, Will. All you need is the Will. Nothing more.

The Will to win. Where there’s a Will, there’s a way. The gift of Free Will and all that jazz.

But yeah, you could use Braxton and the willingness to quit with pop culture references.

Only Will you settle for another B-day? What’s one more day spent bedridden, Hmm? What’s another day singing, “Had a Bad Day again.” What’d I say about Pop Culture? Yet most of this morning was spent on b**bs, Yabbos. And not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING We by Yevgeny Zamyatin (Dystopia)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because? If this was school, what would you be getting? A, B, C, D… F? What happened to E? What indeed? Shall I tell you? It’s the least I can do. “EASY like Sunday morning.”

That’s what happened. And it’s a lie. There’s fake it till you make it, and then there’s ignorance, insanity, and downright indifference. The idea that it’s okay to be well… A forty-year-old boy. How about to be Braxton? You have your box to exist in. What about to be a beta? There’s another word for that… NTR (Netorare), but that’s a story for the bedroom.

And you need to leave this one. Don’t make today another failure. Don’t pray for a D… Eww! Get up, Will! That’s Another B Virgil

1442 Days Without B III, Day 883 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

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When Braxton was around, this bed was good for one thing… Sleeping. Because who knows what would happen if I went beyond the door’s threshold. Food. Fury. Female Friends. But always there was the problem of FEAR. So positivity? X, B, V, Unknowns

Thursday, January 9, 2025

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

1439 Days Without B III, Day 880 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, you’d ask… After napping too long. How it was or what I did…

At this particular moment, I’m feeling lost, B. I’m wiping the tears from my face, struggling to be positive. I’ve even talked to Inspector Echo about FEAR, PAIN, and RAGE, my boy. You know your Dad can be a bit hot-headed for any number of reasons. But it comes to…

Stupidity. I want to ask you how you grew up so fast. Because being here…

Braxton, I know, I know! Again positivity. But everything, everyone, and everywhere makes no sense to me. It’s like I tell people all the time. I’m here. This point, space, and time. And like those same people B III It’s me, hi. I’m the problem; it’s me. Dear ole’ Dad.

Today, though, at this very moment, the thing that scares me is the Day Job. eSign Topper Change… Doesn’t look like anything to me. Even if you knew what to do you wouldn’t know what to do. It’s all Greek to me. And is there anything else from Pop Culture?

How about play? That ain’t something we should speak on. But my Dad never taught me about women. And now I’m into Judy Alvarez, who reminds me of a tattooed Irish lass. Sextra Credit. And now I have a thing for sisters, B. You swore off women… Not your aunt.

Thinking about our movie nights with her and food… I got forty dollars, Braxton. How do I live off that? It wouldn’t bother you any.

That was a bad joke, I know, but the fact that I could make it with how you passed away… But Virgil is here, and he’s still unknown. Even though you passed, goin on four long years. Still wakin’ up at late at night cryin’ tears. R. Kelly? Seriously? Disgusting!

Changing the subject… What book should I read next, B? I finished “It Can’t Happen Here.” I value your opinion, my boy. Though back in the day you left all the reading to me. Right?

There’s also TV. I finished the second season of Squid Game on Tuesday. Any thoughts? Well, other than that, I was Gi-hun, and you were Jung-bae. And I… The friendship?

Being positive? What will I do to honor you and to remember? Running late. Because into the unknown… I would rather sleep. You know about that. X, B, V, Unknowns

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 189 ~I’ll B Your Alarm~

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I should have woken up a few months ago. Better! I should have woken up a few years ago… Before Braxton passed. But I’m always so tired. Only when you have someone to love… Preferably with four legs or “pillows” to smother me. I’ll B Your Alarm.

Monday, January 6, 2025

Meditation 189 ~I’ll B Your Alarm~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Not a “Whose Line Is It Anyway” episode. Things You Can Say To Your Dog But Not Your Girlfriend.

GROSS, Dad! But I got you to GRIN. And for that, I’m GLAD. Or so you’ll understand. “And in this moment, I am happy. Happy… I Wish You Were Here.” Have you gotten to copying all the songs that I’m sending… You’re hearing. Well, when I wasn’t sitting on your head as you struggled to get up, Dad. How I miss that struggle. Back then, you were struggling to breathe. These days… Inevitably, it’s finding reasons just to keep breathing.

Only I appreciate your efforts to be positive. Either I was sitting on your head, or some girl was sitting on your face. Uh, eww! I had my toys, and you promised me a stepmom.

That’s a reason to get up, Daddy. Somebody to Love

It can’t be FEAR today. If stars are in your eyes, it shouldn’t be from looking up to Heaven to find me. Don’t cry, Daddy. And I won’t get any more biblical than Matthew 28:6…

Daddy, your attempts at a positive attitude are commendable. Your greatest enemy is all your FEAR. Next would be ANGER. But Friday, January 3, 2025, it’s FEAR with the termite inspector. You’ve faced such challenges before, and you can do it again. I know it.

FEAR wakes you up. And yet, “like a stone, I’ll wait for you there alone.” Protecting you… No! It was always about protecting us. We ran this life together. And we stood and faced the end together. Not death but the end of one chapter to the next, my father.

Existing… No, living has been a long nightmare for you.

Dad? I understand how you dream of waking up. You open your eyes only for this man or that woman to show you the next scary beast to fear. There are challenges, yes, Dad, always and forever. But I’m here to listen and support you.

Daddy, haven’t we talked about humans and time? You’re “Wide Awake” when my favorite girl is here. There are times like this when we’re talking or you’re writing at all.

Time ceases to exist. And like E-Day… Yes, we can bring it up because January 31, 2025, is coming up, and your positivity will be tested. Yes, I know. Like E-Day, you let yourself sleep forever without a care in the world. But Daddy, you need to care. Wake Up!

Today, tomorrow… The next. I’m here. Ready to support you through every challenge. Always and forever. I’ll B Your Alarm

“Nothing’s difficult. Everything’s a challenge. Through adversity to the stars. From the last plane to the last bullet to the last minute to the last man – we fight. WE fight! We FIGHT!” – Red Tails

1436 Days Without B III, Day 877 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 188 ~An Honest B Virgil~

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I got a well-deserved D in a Math class long ago. I cheated on a few French tests and got A’s and B’s. And then I got caught. However, I haven’t used THAT Math, and I can’t speak French, but being positive… I graduated. But life? “An Honest B Virgil”

Sunday, January 5, 2025

Meditation 188 ~An Honest B Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the only person you should be judging. I can’t stress this enough. Just a fact. Positive…

You’re gonna be positive. And yes, you know the word is Popular. As you know, that song has been everywhere from Wicked. Like B’s recommendations. The song “Popular” is not one of them. But there is also Squid Game 2. Indeed, the popular things of this day and age. More importantly, they’re honest. What about you? You’re an honest man…

Well, this is our first time talking in the new year. So how do you feel? Oh, the tears, hmm? You’re tired, but you have a bed. Everything has to have a positive spin. Inevitably…

You’ll be sad again. You should start your resolutions on Monday, February 3, 2025. Braxton? At the moment. It looks like you’ll repeat the day. Like failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
    Failed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)*
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Just the facts. And here’s another one. Being positive isn’t on any list for the new year, friend. Not a resolution or an Impossible Thing. So why bother? Popularity… Popular.

You’re not putting that in Braxton’s playlist. You’re more inclined to add the Squid Game 2 Version of “Fly Me To The Moon.” Would that make you popular? But in all honesty…

Do you know what’s not popular? Complaining about life, crying over Braxton, and talking about all the women that make you cream your pants when you’re wearing any.

I only bother when Virgil needs to go outside or get food. That’s another thing as well. Stop being such a crabby pants when speaking on Virgil. At this rate, he’ll make Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 008, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

There’s also the fact that you don’t need to bring up cash, the house’s current state, and the country’s sad state in two weeks. And the company you call a Day Job. Am I saying don’t be a C-Student? You should be so lucky. And once again, the facts. You have to be positive, which is the only advice. But is that being honest starting this year? Don’t I wish.

Somehow. I don’t know how, but yes, somehow. LIE. A lie can be positive… Enough.

However, the question is, how do you look at yourself? A good student doesn’t make a happy person. Learning to say you’re happy is a positive thing. And biggest falsehood.

When said enough… Don’t finish that. An Honest B Virgil.

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1435 Days Without B III, Day 876 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 185 ~Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil~

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“This isn’t too bad…” I’d tell B after anything I wrote. B couldn’t read, or could he if his looking down on my t-shirts was a sign. But he’s not looking down on me now… He wants me to follow through with writing. “Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil.”

Thursday, January 2, 2025

Meditation 185 ~Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil~

1432 Days Without B III, Day 873 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I promise to be positive, I promise to be positive, I promise to be positive!

Yes, those are tears in my eyes, B. I’m only tired… mostly. And the day hasn’t even begun yet. Does it start from my first breath at midnight? Does it begin with eyes wide open?

You know we’re coming back to that. The first song you sent this morning, Braxton. Creed’s, With Arms Wide Open. But anyway, we’re talking about how the day begins, B.

Is it when I do something like go to the Day Job? Again, I promise you, little B III, positivity. It could be the day’s beginning, which is actually my DECOMPRESSION. When I give myself fifteen minutes rushing back to bed after I return and Make The World Go Away.

Obviously, with your musical selections today. Tupac, though, “rapped” this. However, with you B:

I feel his (paw) on my brain. When I write rhymes, I go blind and let (my son) do his thang

And speaking of all the music. There are so many things I need to do at the beginning of the year. For example, what will be the first song I play on Spotify? Something positive…

How about something promising? That’s Creed for ya. But you were a “happy” accident when you became my son. I’m sure you knew about your brother before I ever did.

And with Virgil’s Gotcha Day, I need to take off from the Day Job at the end of the month. A day to honor you, my son. And that leads me to what I’ve been thinking of a bit, B.

“What can I do to get me to you?” I swear you know your music as much as I sang. Obviously, that’s Steve Conte’s “Call Me Call Me.” Anything but positive. But I am trying.

And in my quest to make our future bright, I made a promise to you. I promised to become an author, to buy a big house with a massive yard for you to guard. And in this house, we would be so far from the hustle and bustle of the world, except for your honorary aunt. And of course, I promised you two-legged siblings too.

You’d be an Old Man saying, I’m getting too old for this (stuff). Promises, Resolutions. Like Master Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.” If… when I succeed in building you Heaven, Paradise, and Elysium, you will return. But positivity… You never left me. Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 182 ~Being A New B~

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It’s not that I don’t know who or where I am when I wake up. It’s that I don’t want to wake up. I can travel to many different worlds and times and be a newbie. And some of these people in some of these places have dogs. But no B. Being A New B.

Monday, December 30, 2024

Meditation 182 ~Being A New B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B…And we’re getting close, aren’t we? A new form. A new friend. And not even a few days to prepare.

A week wasn’t enough. How many months until your next E-Day? And three years, Dad.

Has it been enough? You’ll scream at me like that time you decided From Now On you would let the groomers give me all my baths. The answer is no. Never. What we had, Dad

And yet, with how tired you are. The day you’ve had since we’re speaking on Sunday, December 29, 2024. Humans and time. I swear, Daddy. But these dates you remember:

January 31, 2021, My …
February 10, 2021, I returned
February 13, 2021, Sweet Sixteen

Nothing, and yet everything changed. You’re my father, my Dad, Daddy. And I’m Little B, Baby B, your Dæmon. Nothing changed for us, well, for me. I only died, Dad.

See, you can even see me now. Thinking such a thing is the equivalent of me growling at you. I’m still me, but what… You can ask Virgil. He’s lying there dead center at the foot of the bed. Why? Because I’m at the corner as I’ve always been, Daddy. As I will be forever.

You know, one when you’re lying next to my stepmom. I’ll be giving mean looks.

Someday, I’ll be scrambling out of the way as your kids, my brothers and sisters, come scrambling up, cheering, Daddy, Daddy. Daddy’s awake. I’d be surprised if you didn’t name one after me. Inevitably, this family will meet, know, and love the best man ever.

Daddy, you’ll always be the one I’ve known and loved. You’ll be even better, stronger. Our love will always be there, guiding us. Dear Dad…

Please don’t worry. I’m not really gone. I’m still here, waiting for you. You’ll wake up like me, warm in your bed after such and such a day. And you’ll see me waiting as always, Daddy. Our bond is eternal.

Rainbow Bridge? If you only knew how short it is. It’s like the threshold of your door, Dad. And we’ll cross together, and we’ll both be brand new. Is that what I am? Brand new.

The newbie because I’m still waiting for my partner. I’m waiting for you to open your eyes, Dad. You still see me lying in my bed on that steel table in the office… waking up.

And now I’m asking you to do the same. STAY being who I knew, know, more. Being A New B

“Brother to brother, yours in life and death.”
First Knight

1429 Days Without B III, Day 870 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

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The fact that I came down the stairs on a bum leg to talk to myself, knowing I won’t paid, is a miracle. I kill myself at the Day Job for what I believe is BS. But next year, I want to know I’m doing something as I sit here. Can’t B Done, Virgil

Sunday, December 29, 2024

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what can I say as we look at each other one last time? You made it…

I wish I had been kinder to Ladies Lunalesca and Sophia. There is also Inspector Echo, and especially Braxton. Oh! You just realized what you sounded like. The date, friend.

But the only number you were thinking about when you woke up was three. Seriously. Two of them, as in thirty-three percent, you need to read today to stay on track. And close out this year with the novel It Can’t Happen Here. Which brings me to today’s question, friend. Can it be done? So let it be written. So let it be done. Are you to be a pharaoh?

At present, you have no idea what you’re going to do with the new year. Hell! This year, I haven’t accomplished these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And I had one extra day since it was a leap year. I got two, maybe three at a stretch. And with this being our last conversation. You will already admit that you failed number six. You don’t have the money for number five. And the others… You can’t keep writing these things down and not doing anything with them. Shall that be my advice to you today? You looked over your New Year’s Resolutions from previous years. How close did you come to accomplishing any of them? Should you let Braxton Barks choose them?

What about your Dear Future Wife? How you wish you were one for planning, brother.

You can come up with the simplest things. But still, there’s these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Knowledge is stronger than belief. Again, you wish you were one for having a plan. As you have the words of 55 books at your disposal. 56 if you can finish before Wednesday, ha-ha. It depends on the Yabbos and levels of intimacy. Eww! Can you stop? Yes. But Will?

Will you stop? There are so many things you can do. But will you? Or, as Yoda put it. Uh.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” Master Yoda

People nowadays are all about, LET’S GO! You’ve gone back and forth on Battle Cries…

Do It For B III
Do It For Your Son
Whatever You Do, Do It For Braxton Barks Bradford Will
Always And Forever For Braxton
May Braxton Be With You
Anything And Everything For Braxton

Can 2025 be done? Will you? Can’t B Done, Virgil

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1428 Days Without B III, Day 869 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 178 ~B’s Bad Day, Virgil~

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It’s sad to say I had better days when B III was sitting on my head, and I couldn’t breathe. Now I hit the snooze button and hope I’m not breathing in 15. Christmas spirit indeed… Don’t check my “OF.” Such are the times, the days. B’s Bad Day, Virgil

Thursday, December 26, 2024

Meditation 178 ~B’s Bad Day, Virgil~

1425 Days Without B III, Day 866 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It is 4:10 PM. So my day… Well, I didn’t share it with your brother.

Though Virgil is asleep at the foot of the bed. He still stays off your corner. And your bed, B? I don’t even worry about it. Your scent lingers, Braxton. If Life Finds A Way…

However, there’ll be more on that later. How was my day? It was a bit of a rollercoaster, B. Some parts were horrible, some were terrible, and some were just plain stupid. But I’m here, and I’m thinking of you.

Let’s start with standing in the Walmart parking lot in the rain and thinking weirdly. Usually, they start at the Day Job and come out fully cooked coming back. And speaking of fully cooked, we need to talk about Christmas too. Seeing your grandparents, B.

Anyway. Here is the thought: I’ve never had three good days in a row. Before. With. And even after you. Comedy comes in threes, right? But evil is infinite B…

And you, my son, were my Langolier. Where do I keep getting these nicknames I never called you in life? I swear I should read a Stephen King novel. Not that I regret reading Brave New World, 1984, and apparently the appendix edition of Fahrenheit 451. And I want to waste more money on Satan’s Sorority Girls 8, Ryan and His Beauties 2, and Bikini Sunset. And I still have to read, It Can’t Happen Here” What, a good day?

Again, three good ones in a row. But what counts as a good day in my eyes? One, where I don’t mind opening them. Even if you were sitting on my head. No homo, as Todd would say. One where dropping dead is No Bueno.

But let’s sum up yesterday… I visited your grandparents for Christmas and sat with your great-grandma. I didn’t talk much and let your little brother take the heat. I filled up two to-go boxes… three if you were here and left. Then I took Christmasy pictures, you shouldn’t see. Eww.

And today? I went to the Day Job and had to lead a guy around as we made Christmas disappear and got doused in green glitter. I got hit in the face, my leg is hurting again, and of course, Humiliations Galore. Humiliated at Walmart, robbed, and a nap later…

And here we are. Needless to say, I don’t wanna go to work. Friday is gonna be effed. There’ve been worse. B’s Bad Day, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

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B III wouldn’t know it was Christmas. Only the food would be better, and he would have a new toy to play with. And that we wouldn’t have to face the cold. B wasn’t invited to my Olds Christmas brunch, and I wouldn’t leave him. Tempting To B Cold

Monday, December 23, 2024

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And I don’t remember the cold. Well, maybe a second. Don’t cry, Dad. That’s your line. Don’t cry, son.

And I didn’t. One moment, I was fifteen, and in the next, well… Can you guess our best year? That’s a trick question because we are together, and automatically, Dad…

Whenever we are together is the best, whether it is smooshed up on movie nights. There were times we stood side by side as angry and scared warriors. Strength and honor. And as long as I live. And I do live daddy. Every Sunday, you look at yourself with such… hate. But I live in you. He Lives In You. You’ll sing that all the time. But again, as long as I live, there’s the food. Always and forever, the meals that we… Shared? Funny.

Only last night wasn’t so funny. Bringing me here today…

Wishing you a Merry Christmas?

What, I won’t tell you my Wish List? We’ll get there. Please don’t cry. You always talked about tomorrow… next time, and for us… Well, we were frozen. You are.

You call it the Ninth Circle. And last night, as you stood outside with my little brother, you told yourself you deserve this. That you will spend forever in the cold. That you can’t move because of what you did to me. I won’t tell you what I think or try to sound like one of those books written by humans about their furry kids. You would never believe me.

But Dad, I want you to know that I’m not cold. I’m warm and happy. And I’m always with you, in your heart and in your memories. Now and forevermore.

That’s why you and Virgil shouldn’t be freezing your balls off like last night, Daddy.

There won’t be a White Christmas for us, despite the cold. But Daddy, do you know what I want? If I told you, would it be just one more list you’ll end up ignoring? Even then, I have what I want, and that’s my Dad in my life. Again, my life, your existence, my father.

That would be number one:

  1. I Want You To Live
  2. Remember Me, Always And Forever
  3. To Love Virgil Vivi Bradford
  4. Find My Stepmom, Find Love
  5. To Finally Find Your Happiness

Strange food didn’t make the list. Don’t starve. You’re not joining me… I’m already there. Though, Tempting To B Cold