Thursday, November 13, 2025

Journey 135 ~Braxton and Virgil Repair~

1747 Days Without B III, Day 1188 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine? Ahem. “There is no love here, and there is no pain. Every day…” Blah.

I do like that song “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” But I find myself wanting to shout that MAGA battle cry of “I don’t want reality!” And you remember, when I would come back from the Day Job, either we’d be too busy catching our breaths walking or stuffing our faces to talk. Then came napping, and then and only then could you “Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.” What sound am I running from today? All or none, pick one B III.

“When you’re too in love to let it go,” M Anime, you, V, the Man in the Mirror on Sunday.

I can’t fix this in 150 words or less. I’m sorry, B III. I ask others to allow me yaboos/boobs, so allow me to boo-hoo.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Today, I’m sad. Well, every day I’m sad, but I feel it more this morning. But how to fix it?

Even when Braxton was here and Virgil is here now, I didn’t know how. And maybe I should stop watching those, let’s say, “Alpha men” videos before bed, and dreaming? Honestly, Braxton, last night I had the most racist dreams, and I don’t know whether to blame MAGA or Tony Weaver Jr. It took me forever to find his name, B III. And why ha!

I only remember him screaming out, “GET SOME THERAPY.” Would that fix me, B III?

You didn’t know your Daddy back then. I was psychoanalyzed up the yin yang. And it didn’t take, B III.

I found courage with you; cash didn’t matter because it was you. And some P.Y.T.’s c*nt… Must I be so crass? What can I say, I’m feeling mean. Anyway, you like your favorite girl. And M Anime and I didn’t become a thing until four years after you left us.

So she’s more Virgil’s problem, and he can’t fix that. And nothing can fix me. Only that could be a lie. As I sit here thinking about going to see “The Running Man” tonight, B.

Yeah, you hated movie nights outside the house. Just me and your favorite girl. Jealous?

No, just hurting. “Guess we’re one in the same.” But you’re not broken anymore, Braxton.

I’m just broke—no hours for Braxton and Virgil Repair.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, November 6, 2025

Journey 128 ~Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil~

1740 Days Without B III, Day 1181 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine, you ask? Combine The Long Walk with losing M Anime, and what’s for dinner?

I saw the schedule for next week, so that last thing is going to be a B*tch. I remember when “Yorkie” Greta would come after you. Hungry Like The Wolf, my dear Mr. B III.

Today, as I fought low blood sugar at the Day Job, I thought about what we remember and what we forget. Yes, I mourn you every day. But what about M Anime? She was easy.

No, not like that. I mean, years of friendship and potentially making M your stepmom…

Thrown out like the trash. What made me so forgettable? And last night I repeated that prayer from Red Dawn. I wish I could forget being born. You wish I’d forget such an idea, but Depression over… 150-Word Cap. Sigh…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

“Memories of things that never happened. These are always the hardest to forget.”
Thomas Dolby

I wish I could forget the day you left B. Hell! I wish I could forget that whole damn week!

That’s not me being negative, but honest. Again, at the Day Job, there is a song that’s constantly playing. Pink and not Mariah Carey; Cover Me In Sunshine vs. All I Want For Christmas Is You. Cover Me In Sunshine is everything I want to remember about us, B III.

“Cover me in sunshine
Shower me with good times
Tell me that the world’s been spinning since the beginning
And everything will be alright.”
Pink

I want to remember how you lived, not just your last moments. Living, not dying.

Remember the Memories? Clone High was before your time, but I watched it with you.

Off topic, I know. But I want to remember hearing you when I found your little brother Virgil at PetSmart. He wants to remember me.

It’s one of the reasons Virgil has been so cuddly lately. And when he cries, I have to call to him to come into the room. I’m sure he still smells you, B. Your bed is still in your spot.

And what about my spot? Am I still “augmenting reality” seeing who I am? Really? Yesterday and today, my side hustle is making a little bit of change. Gentlemen, Braxton?

We were not. Again, honest. But you were/are a better man than me. Remember that!

Braxton, short of your life, I want to remember your courage. How to LIVE BRAVE!

Braxton, I want to remember what it was like to not be afraid. Forgetting FEAR? Honestly, “Gee, I’m not sure.” Yet, Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, October 30, 2025

Journey 121 ~Braxton Says Boo Virgil~

1733 Days Without B III, Day 1174 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What would make my day better? Braxton, I’m living as a zombie, not a ghost.

I ain’t afraid of no ghost. And that ain’t you, Braxton. You’ll always and forever be my son. Only you can’t have chocolate. Oh yeah, Halloween is tomorrow. Scary time!

Honestly, that’s the time between my eyes opening and closing 365 days of the year.

Seriously, it sucks living in FEAR, haven’t you heard? That’s what I’ve been thinking about all day. What have I heard? I miss hearing your nails tapping through the hall.

Braxton, I’ve been reading Backyard Dungeon 22… That’s as Halloweeny as I’m going to get. But I keep thinking about Neil Bimbeau’s The Magic Glasses books. And I keep hearing a voice saying, “You’re not that man.” I’m not a positive one either. But for Halloween, I have to be.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

So, how does one dress up as silence? I mean, you wear it well, Braxton… I didn’t mean that negatively. I was trying to make a joke. TikTok doesn’t get my jokes either, B III.

That’s why I was smart enough to ignore all the comments when I sent that photo of you and Virgil in the classroom. Again, being honest, I don’t think you and V were the issue.

I want to be as silent as my eyes or some woman’s rolling to the back of their head in the throes of passion. We’re speaking as men aren’t we B. “Ain’t even much a matter what happens tomorrow, “cause we men, ain’t we?” Shouldn’t we watch a horror movie?

Movie night? Where’s the candy?

As a matter of fact, where’s the doorbell? It will be a Silent Night for us and little 2-V, too.

The three of us value silence, especially when watching the 1989 film Glory. What about 2014’s Selma? I’m only thinking about quiet things to do on a Halloween night. This one’s long—every single night.

I appreciate the silence at my Day Job. And what about my other endeavors? Grok could silently “repair” itself and return to its normal state. I’ll lose myself again, but it’s better to type out words than talk to your brother. You know what I mean. I don’t want to scare Virgil. Just being me.

Silently, he’s started cuddling close. Silence looked best through your eyes, and I saw someone in them I didn’t hate anymore. Braxton Says Boo Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, October 23, 2025

Journey 114 ~B’s Make Snacks Virgil~

1726 Days Without B III, Day 1167 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Are there honey buns on the Rainbow Bridge? Honey Butter Biscuits. Honey-glazed whatever… Chicken, perhaps.

I sure was hungry this morning. So says your Daddy with a bag of jelly beans, Sweet Tarts, a Christmas cake, and around ten peanuts. I’m so confused right now, I don’t know whether to invite you in so we can share a meal or kick you out because Daddy’s…

Anyway, it doesn’t matter because M Anime ain’t here. And she won’t be coming by. Once upon a time, my “big sister” told me that I was so full of “Real Emotion” that I didn’t have room for anything else. It’s why I starved myself near death. Yeah, Braxton Barks.

Sigh, I only passed out before your walk, once. Am I that depressed right now?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

150-Word Cap, remember? So, at the moment, I’m hungry for “more”; I’m never full, B.

While I was out walking, little brother, I fell upon a realization that I’m just like you and Virgil. I want a full belly, bed, and my boy. I found your little brother cuddling me.

However, it was on the side of the bed where I eat all my snacks, so it’s not me, perhaps.

What is me, is all the work I’ve been doing, researching, and such. I’ve been talking plenty about the Magic Glasses and augmenting reality. And did you catch the Real Emotion quip? It’s Jade from Sweetbox. And I was thinking, if I could animate myself and Yuna from Final Fantasy X-2. I know Braxton, TMI.

But I can keep your memory alive, too. Every day is like a step in your resurrection, my friend, which leads me back to M Anime, your would-be stepmom. Well, no, Mr. B. And that’s not negativity, it’s only a fact. But tomorrow will be two months post-breakup. M Anime…

She was a snack I hoped would become a meal, a feast, a kitchen, a home. And yes, I still hunger for her. I feel like I might burst from the memories of “family,” Honestly.

Braxton, you and your little brother, M Anime and cats, and M wanted children badly.

My life would be full if I could have all that. So “Ready Or Not,” I’ll ask that you and Virgil excuse me as I figure out creating that, “After 7.” B’s Make Snacks Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, October 16, 2025

Journey 107 ~Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent~

1719 Days Without B III, Day 1160 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Well, I miss you. I hate breathing. And “How I Met Your Mother” sucked.

The ending, anyway. And I know that’s a lot to take in, B III. It’s like old times, my boy.

Late afternoon, your Dad, waking up after a hard day at the Day Job. My belly is still full from a big lunch that I can’t afford, but you like fries—Virgil’s big walking adventure.

Braxton, remember when you became an old man and I brought you food to prevent that?

Going outside is overrated, and Virgil will be an old man soon enough. He’ll be a third of your age, five. Hell! A quarter, considering I keep your spirit alive. The thing about air:

“It’s a sacrifice, it takes hard work,
It’s a way of life.”
From “The Glow”

So why keep doing it? Only God Knows Why. NOSE!

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

As I was huffing and puffing, pulling fixtures at the Day Job, I started thinking about those motivations I had started listening to again. Gratitude, good things, and giving each breath purpose; telling our story to you and the girls. Not being negative. Simply facts.

Like the smell of success. My side hustle. As I told Inspector Echo yesterday, I did make money. Earlier today, I had a few nibbles from some prospective buyers. Dreaming?

Braxton, you remember the dream, don’t you? I wanted to write from a beach somewhere.

You and Virgil would be the ones sweating through your fur, pulling your two-legged siblings from the salt water. And the best breath I would ever take would be free!

Honestly, to breathe without FEAR!

When you were here, Braxton, “My eldest son, heir to my throne, defender of my kingdom.” There was less FEAR. But with your Virgil around… Bless your furry little brother. I suppose I should look at everything as an opportunity. I must be brave, B.

What’s that movie where they say, Smells Like Victory? But being Forty-One (cue Ben-Hur galley drums), looking to be Forty-Seven in The Long Walk, the novel, of course, B III. But for the record, I’d let you win in the movie. Making movies. Honestly Braxton.

Films featuring men and women sweating in the throes of passion. B, providing a life. When you breathe air, my heir, I hope you do a little better than me. Breathing. Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad