Tag: Growing Up

Meditation 276 ~Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil~

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I always make time for my homies, homeboys, those homebodies that I call my sons B and V. Even if their Dad has a million things going on. The good news is that I can hardly see them with all the pollen. Is this home? Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil.

Thursday, April 3, 2025

Meditation 276 ~Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil~

1523 Days Without B III, Day 964 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I should know, considering you spend more time here than on The Rainbow Bridge or wherever I sent you… Home

Though I can’t blame you for saying Take me “Back to Paradise.” Nice up there…

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and it’s been 1523 Days. You’ve remained here with me. I gotta tell you, B, I feel like a bit of an A-hole. And wait till I tell you what I said to your potential stepmom the other day. I’ve got to stop calling M Anime that. Instead, what about your favorite girl? Were you here when I introduced her to Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise? I wish I could remember. The fact that I can’t is pretty sad.

That’s the thing about allergies. Am I crying about you, or are my eyes effed up? Depression, Prolonged Grief, or mourning in general. It’s home.

Did I really just say that? And it’s not right, fair, or just to you or myself. At least that’s what all the Pet Loss books say, Little B. Not that I would know. I didn’t start this morning with reading. Instead, as has become routine, I was mass deleting Yabbos off the phone. I wanted to go Wheeler Walker, Jr. with it. Uh… But didn’t I teach you to be a gentleman, B III? Yeah, tell that to your aunt? This brings me to M Anime. I’m no better.

I offered her up to $700 to get her sans clothing. Seriously. How much did I pay to keep you alive, B, and then boxed up? That box isn’t your home. You’re still teaching me.

Neither is the way I’ve been feeling. And I’m not talking about the pollen season. Honestly, it’s always the mental over the physical. And at the moment… Well, my mind is always on three or four things. You, Braxton, and your brother Virgil. Big Yabbos.

Truthfully, I’m annoyed that such and such posted pictures of Anna and Riko Ichinose from Ran Sem. That means I should be splicing movies, but nope! I’m a writer, Braxton.

More importantly, I’m your father. And home is where the heart is and not other parts of myself. But you know how I feel about words like home. I’m here. That’s that. But you made here better… Safe and sound, less skeevy. Telling your little brother. Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 274 ~Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil~

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Laughing With God… THEY say God is Love. My Braxton is Love, but he didn’t laugh. He would give me several looks… Virgil looks at me like I’m the Joker. Women… Maybe it’s a good thing my allergies have my eyes all catawampus. Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil.

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Meditation 274 ~Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That would make me mad. But we’re all mad here, love. But by how much?

Considering I would trade Faye Valentine, Sawa from Kite, and Alice In Wonderland to have my firstborn son back. My Braxton. There’s living “For the Love of You,” my wife. There’s even the prospect that I could love the “Man In the Mirror” someday. Insanity.

But to be a better man… Someone who could set a good example for our children. I wish I could see it. Seriously! I need to buy some Benadryl or something. Allergies are a pain.

And speaking of pain, it would be a joke to say I’ve let the pain of losing my Braxton abate. I won’t say I’ve turned around, and it’s worsening. And, of course, ACCEPTANCE… No! Never! Because going back to a time before I loved him…

Hell! To go back before I found Virgil. I think I was on the verge… Of disappearing. And how would that have occurred? “I Still Believe” my Ma made a mistake, not using Plan B. But “What Is Love?” A form of insanity. And what’s with all the soundtracks today?

I’m keeping myself from crying over Braxton. I’m still chalking my watery eyes to pollen. And if anything, I want to drown out the laugh tracks today since it’s April Fool’s Day, my love. Though with all the madness going on, I’ve been debating whether love is the biggest joke of them all. “It’s a wicked world that we live in. It’s cruel and unforgiving.” So, to sing “I Believe In A Thing Called Love.”

Like Clarence from The Book of Clarence, not only to believe but to know I will always love my Braxton. All the darkness that I still have. And the knowledge you’re my “Obsession. There’s Braxton. I may love Virgil someday. And even that won’t compare.

What, to us? As I said, there’s darkness or whatever. There’s a reason Faye turns me on, and I want to go all Kite on you… the Uncensored edition. And there’s an Alice In Wonderland outfit in the closet. I love you, always and forever, and your lovely big Yabbos.

Movies, music, and manuscripts. All that your husband loves. SIGH. May I never know sanity. For if I do… To be united with my first love. Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil

1521 Days Without B III, Day 962 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 269 ~Virgil Saves Space Braxton~

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At one point, I wanted to be an astronaut. But Math, Science, and general education. Nobody taught me how to be an Ordinary Human. I’m better than MAGA/Republicans. But FDT. My sons are better men. And I’m spacing out. Virgil Saves Space Braxton

Thursday, March 27, 2025

Meditation 269 ~Virgil Saves Space Braxton~

1516 Days Without B III, Day 957 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? And what about your brother? Virgil’s day hasn’t REALLY begun. Like father, like son, right?

So, I am acknowledging him as my son. While you are like my SUN. Yes, it’s morning, so you need to go outside. I don’t know what I miss more. A pretty, pretty girl sitting on my face. Or you plopping down on my head to wake me up. I’m lying, ain’t I, Little B?

Always and forever, I’ll miss you more. “Every Morning,” I wake up a bit disappointed. Now that the world isn’t ending as the song goes. It’s like, well… I don’t know how you’ll take this as a compliment or an insult. But it’s something I was thinking about a bit.

“Now that the world isn’t ending
It’s love that I’m sending to you
It isn’t the love of a hero
And that’s why I fear it won’t do.”
Chad Kroeger

Braxton, my son, you were like an asteroid, a comet, and my rock that I discovered, or rather you found me. Do you remember my sister? Pet Parenting wasn’t for her then. But two-legged kids…

Anyway, I knew one day you’d destroy me. And then here comes my Virgil. And what did I expect from V? Virgil didn’t save Dante in the Inferno. He was only a guide for him.

But what I’m getting at is this. It’s like I’m constantly teetering between wanting to be destroyed and wanting to be saved. And these days, I’m leaning more towards burning.

Neither Virgil nor I have any sense of what to do. We’re both floating along. I want to say we’re aliens, but we’re more like “Two Ghosts.” That’s not fair. You’re the dead guy here.

“We’re not who we used to be
We’re not who we used to be
We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.”
Two Ghosts, Harry Styles

My Braxton… I was there when you took your last breath of air. And now there’s air, air everywhere, and no breath to breathe. Or, again, I don’t want to. However, “Here I Am” SIGH

Virgil is lying at the foot of the bed, giving me space as if that’s helping. He could be afraid. I wish I could sing to him, “Be Not So Fearful,” but I’d also be lying to myself. I’m afraid, Little B. I’m always scared.

“Be not so fearful, be not so pale
Someone watches you; you will not leave the rails
Be not so fearful, be not so pale.”
― Be Not So Fearful

So, how am I staving off this fear? While I was spacing out how I’d waste my time, I was clearing out my phone. How many pictures of Yabbos does your daddy have? Too many.

None of Cherry or you and Virgil’s future stepmom. I should stop calling M Anime that. There are other girls… I’m a Cosmic Castaway believing… someday… Virgil Saves Space Braxton.

“But I’m not broken; in my dream, I win
And I take over ’cause I’m no loser
And I’m in, and you’re not. Bad dreams don’t stop
But I’m all screwed up, a cosmic castaway.”
Cosmic Castaway, Song by
Electrasy

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 267 ~Just B Peaceful Virgil~

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When B was here, it was “Love you, B, love you, Braxton.” With V… “Later V, later Virgil.” And that’s when I can get his name right. I don’t try with people. I don’t say their names or wish them peace. It’s only “Later.” Oh, to Just B Peaceful Virgil

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Meditation 267 ~Just B Peaceful Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And not myself? That’s like asking if I will ever accept my son’s loss.

My boy. You, all that you are, our family. And peace. That’s what I’ve been thinking about since five this morning. I can’t say I’ve even cried today… I’ve been a little misty, I suppose. As long as I avoid mirrors, windows, and V’s eyes. But Baby Doll, there’s you.

Unforgettable, that’s what you are. What about Love and Peace? Before I get into the man you married. Or the man you married gets into you… Uh, eww? Let me tell you what I’ve been looking for. Looking so hard that my eyes hurt. I’ve downed an energy shot to keep from closing my eyes. I even took a couple of painkillers. But I’m not loopy enough to see Braxton on our bed, on guard duty.

Ask me when I was happy, free, or not a misanthrope… I can tell you when I feel alive, in love, at peace. How about when I’m a husband, a father, just a man? Everything!

Over-stimulated, overwhelmed, and overflowing. My love, the man you married is over being alive, and yet “Here I Am.” “All Yours.” Lucky you. Ha! I am anything but a man of peace. But again, that’s what I’m looking for. If nothing can bring Braxton back, then at the very least, give me that. Let me look to the corner of our four-post bed in peace.

Honestly, “Every Morning.” More like in the afternoon when I’d nap after the Day Job.

And there would be Braxton keeping me “Safe and Sound.”

But now, “I Feel Everything.” And that, my love, is why you married a hedonist. Because if I must feel, let it be pleasure instead of pain. A sadist? It’s the only time I’m nice to myself. And it shouldn’t be that way. To hurt you, even if you enjoy it all to save myself.

Do you know “How To Save A Life?” You find peace within yourself. And that’s not me, my love. My peace might as well be the backyard fence, my body, and my furry little Braxton.

Breaking! And the only peace I find is reading, writing, and looking at the broken.

Honestly, that’s not peace but pieces. Is a piece of a man enough? A man’s peace. Just B Peaceful Virgil

1514 Days Without B III, Day 955 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 262 ~B-V On Commitment Braxton~

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At 40, I’ve never lived with a woman I wasn’t related to. Never committed to a woman dating-wise; I haven’t seen sans clothing. I’ve had my Day Job for over 10 years. Eww! And who have I known longest? B? His stepmom? “B-V On Commitment Braxton”

Thursday, March 20, 2025

Meditation 262 ~B-V On Commitment Braxton~

1509 Days Without B III, Day 950 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 6 AM here. Six in the morning, sheesh, and the day’s already ruined.

I could say that is the order of things you being dead and all. Or the fact I feel sick. Energy shots? As I said, it’s early. I feel like The Walking Dead. And I’ve been reading up on it some, considering I couldn’t pick a book this morning. To lay here with you, B…

“Every day he woke up, he told himself, ‘Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.’ And then, after a few years of pretending he was dead, he made it out alive. And that’s the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do, and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in D.C., I know we’ll be okay because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves that we are the walking dead.” ― TWD.

Braxton, I wanted to ask… Isn’t it sad that my longest commitment has been to mourning you? Hell! I’m sure it’s been longer for Virgil since he’s had to witness me for two and a half of them. Do you want to see a ghost? What’s with all my pop culture references? Again, so freaking early. More books, more books!

But after finishing Satan’s Sorority Girls 10 yesterday… Spoiler alert: Grayson and Robyn are going to be okay. They have millions of dollars. Grayson knocks up a few more of his witches, and everyone is fully committed to him. Who’s been that committed to me?

You’re here… in spirit… Virgil was out in the hall all night since he can’t be trusted to go to his potty spot and back. 2 and a ½ years. 3 months to get comfortable…

Nope! And I can’t say I blame him. I’ve been here 40 years, and how many times have I tried to leave? A slew of pills, starvation, I might sluice myself right out of bed looking a Yabbos. And on that note, how long have I been committed to Cherry’s?

What about your potential stepmom, M Anime? I should stop calling her that; I know only until any other potentials show up. If I keep my promise to you. I once dreamed of a beach, a wife, your two-legged siblings, and all the money in the world for us. SIGH

Am I more committed to reading books to blame myself for you or harem romances? There are worse things to give myself to. I see that every day. If only you could see my last paycheck. And since I didn’t work this week, this time next week I’ll have nothing. I can’t help but feel guilty about this… Laziness, Depression

I’ll have your memory and Virgil making his way the best way he knows how… Loyalty, commitment to a dead man. He is his father’s son. B-V On Commitment Braxton

“It’s not so bad… being dead like me,” Georgia Lass

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 260 ~Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil~

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Falling Down. Some days, I’d walk in, wrap B up, and fall asleep as he lay there. If he were lucky, I’d fall into my sheets, and he’d sit on the corner of the bed. If I were lucky, I’d have a wifey to fall… come… back to. Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil.

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

Meditation 260 ~Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? My always and forever love. Where have I heard those words before? Braxton Barks Bradford…

My firstborn son, Braxton. But he passed away in the Winter of 2021. Sunday, January 31, 2021, to be specific. But here I am on a Tuesday morning, March 18, 2025, looking up pictures of him. There have been tears. But if it helps, I’ve been sweating over you, love.

Only as Norah Jones sings away: “I waited ’til I saw the sun. I don’t know why I didn’t come.” If you know what I mean… Ask me about the longest time I went without release, my love. That was around 161 days. Hell! Braxton was still alive back then.

Afterward… Braxton’s passing. I didn’t want to fall into temptation. I didn’t want to fall…

What? In love. To fall asleep. Or down into Hell…

It’s what I deserve, especially when I have such thoughts. After we finished, uh, getting busy and I didn’t… Well, you know. But we were lying here as I read Satan’s Sorority Girls 10 by Eric Vall. Have I ever told you how much I love these moments, baby doll? “You and me and all of the people with nothing to do.” Do I mean our little ones, “Safe and Sound,” in their beds? And Virgil Vivi, too. Again, I’m reading, or we’re listening to apocalyptic rock from the 50s/60s.

Leave it to Trump and his ilk to let fall this American Empire. But what about happy thoughts? Only I never have those. You’re the next best thing always and forever, my love, I hope. But before you… B III

So, as I was beginning to cry for him as you lay sleeping. I remembered him telling me a secret yesterday from wherever he is… The Rainbow Bridge? He told me that I may have two hearts to give one day. I can mass-produce those things… For Braxton’s step-brother. Children?

Family? The idea that I could love again. But that would mean losing my Braxton was not rock bottom. So things can be worse? I can fall harder and “Go Deeper!” Am I still thinking about what we were doing a few hours ago? So much for giving up sex?

Seriously, love, I’m not religious, but there’s Lent. I didn’t want to fall. But your desires. My depression. And dogs die. Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil

1507 Days Without B III, Day 948 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 255 ~MATH, Find B, V~

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I’m glad I didn’t have audiobooks in school… I would have been an even worse Math student. But I didn’t have Braxton back then, either. Only he would be sitting under my feet as I did the books. Who’d’a thunk it? It adds up. MATH, Find B, V

Thursday, March 13, 2025

Meditation 255 ~MATH, Find B, V~

1502 Days Without B III, Day 943 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? A good day would be worth dying for. “Everything, Everything”? I never read the book but I saw the movie. Your aunt would like it.

But money for the movies… Once upon a time, Braxton, I would be cheering $200.00.

Arithmetic, sigh, was never my strong suit. But I had plans for that money, Braxton. Seriously, am I crying again? It’s only a tear or two. I remember that $600.00 was spent on COVID relief. Most of that went towards testing to figure out what was wrong with you back then. In English… Because I can’t stand Math. You were dying. But who gives a damn about the money! I’d have paid anything to save you. Or a final feast.

However, what brings us together today? It’s Monday, March 3, 2025. I’m trying to find X. No! Let’s focus on you. What would you like, B? To be with me?

$200.00 split three-ways would be $66.50 for you, $66.50 for Virgil, and $67.00 for me. Braxton, Brother My Brother. Again, I had plans for us, the world, and everything. Really? But you’ve been gone four long years, so what can I get you? Birthday, Death Day, and Christmas, so at least twelve toys. Then, everything for your memorial. Effing shrine…

What does Virgil want? I keep thinking about a crate. I want a place for him to feel safe and at home… Now, that’s the keyword Braxton. HOME. Where might that be, my B III?

“If the money is lousy
You can always come home.”
Everyone Says ‘Hi’ (Defiance Version)

“I wish I was
Homeward bound
Home where my thought’s escapin’
Home where my music’s playin’
Home where my love lies waitin’.”
― Homeward Bound

And how much is it worth to you? How much was it again to bring Virgil here, and then what? The Math ain’t Mathing. Three days, weeks, months. 943 Days.

And $67.00 won’t pay for therapy since I’ve been this way for 1502 Days. And by the time you read this, I expect the money will be gone. But on what you ask? My firstborn son. What’s a month’s or a year’s worth on the Balance App? Meditation could help.

Only I have your Infinite Playlist… and what about more audiobooks and some fancy earbuds? I’m still jonesing for a good steak. And if it’s not filling my belly, it’s filling something else… Eww! But I am looking for X, or rather three of them. There’s always a girl somewhere. M Anime in her lingerie. That was a pretty penny. But I have good boys. Virgil’s trying. I’m spending time, money… MATH, Find B, V.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 253 ~Braxton, Virgil, Pop Off~

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A day in bed. If I’m not crying, sweating in fear, sickness, or spilling High-fructose PORN syrup. I need to throw a lot in the wash. Anyway, I don’t want to overflow or explode. But B’s in my ear, and V’s running all over. “Braxton, Virgil, Pop Off”

Tuesday, March 11, 2025

Meditation 253 ~Braxton, Virgil, Pop Off~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I promise to smile. A man provides. And what’s this in my pants for you…

I’m being a creep. Husband or not, right? But what else can I be? I’m in the mood one minute. And the next… Well, I’ve only cried for Braxton once today. And I haven’t even given Virgil a chance these past few days. You know his madness in running everywhere.

Or should I say manic? Virgil’s mania? It beats my depression. Is it even fair to call it that anymore? Prolonged Grief… It’s been 1500 days. I can’t remember my last day without saying his name. And yes, I’ve been focused on Virgil Vivi’s fears for a few days. SIGH.

We’ll get to that. But my sadness is as obsessive, pervasive, and quintessential—my love.

I am yours, our children’s, my Braxton’s, and my own.

I am afraid. I tell my Braxton that. Whenever I speak with him, wherever he is. The Rainbow Bridge? Anyway, I use that line from the film Spontaneous. It feels like I’m dying, and I’m so scared all the time. Can you imagine it, sweet baby doll? What scares me?

Other than the fact that you won’t get “my” jokes, like things you can say about your dog but not your girlfriend/wife. Whenever I decide to be funny. Laughter terrifies.

There’s the fear to love as much as I did when Braxton was here. My firstborn son fought to the last second not to leave me. You have a choice. And there’s our children, always.

Someday, I fear I’ll love myself. We might never meet…

Or at least I might be stuck here all alone, drooling over Cherry’s Yabbos. Or I’d be jealous of M Anime’s paramours. There’s listening to the Hannah K “admirers…” Brunettes.

Baby girl, you know, much like Christian Grey, I’m a sucker for brunettes. And some girls with dark hair or different… Am I A Psycho? I’m a man that loves you. And I am trying. I want you to know that my love for you is unwavering, and I am committed to making this work.

Just like when I would hold Braxton, and I’d calm myself—defusing a bomb, beloved.

Every day, it’s putting on the clown mask so our kids don’t see their Dad for the human I am… At best. And why they exist. The things I’ll do to you, their lovely mother.

However, Braxton’s gone, and Virgil’s running somewhere…Braxton, Virgil, Pop Off

1500 Days Without B III, Day 941 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 248 ~B Excited Someday Virgil~

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Chains and whips excite me… Well, it’s more like chains, ropes, scarves, and a big enough (boulder holder) to hold a wrist. But I’d give it all up to have B on his leash again. Or for my old glasses… Yesterday was exciting… “B Excited Someday Virgil”

Thursday, March 6, 2025

Meditation 248 ~B Excited Someday Virgil~

1495 Days Without B III, Day 936 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day is only beginning, and I’m already disappointed. But I’m not crying… Not yet.

Excited? Only when I’m scared. When I’m being scary or amid a sin, but what am I afraid of today? Other than that, I live in a world without my protector. Where are you, Braxton?

I’ve been saying that a lot these days, B; I live in a world, fill in the blank. Because, oh no, the world is a scary place. I’m sure I scared you plenty. But not to death. I don’t think.

Anyway, I do miss your eyes. Hell! I miss my eyes this morning. The last thing I want is to get out of bed and look at myself in the mirror. Especially after what happened yesterday… The day before. As long as I’m blindly giving away $55.00. Effing new glasses!

I would pay anything to have you back, my prince. But God’s Favorite Princess… slightly less. If Cherry ever agreed to show me her Yabbos… But I respect her… Anyway…

Yesterday, Braxton, I was busy trying to be scary. Maybe even a Karen. The excitement all started when I got a message about the new frames for my glasses. My first pair broke, which hurt because they were the last you saw me in. Then I got the brown ones in memory of you… somewhat. Yesterday, MyEyeDr broke those. And so I was in their office, yelling about getting a complimentary frame. I don’t like being angry or an ass. But they pushed me B.

Only everything was not awesome yesterday, and I was excited when it was all over.

Speaking of all over, I’m glad I didn’t… all over my sheets. I know. Eww! But that was more of a financial decision than one of testicular fortitude. I’m all for God’s Favorite Princess @Luxlo, but she isn’t your stepmom. M Anime? I haven’t heard from her in a bit.

And again, if it were Cherry… But I’m not thinking of her. More like I can’t get excited over her as Virgil is now lying at the foot of the bed. Excited, expecting, entertained, ha! All Virgil knows is when I return, or he steps into the room, life is… something. You were excited because your life is/was good with me in it. Maybe V or someone will feel that.

Me? B Excited Someday Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 246 ~Braxton’s Trust In V…~

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In God We Trust. No! But money talks to “God’s Favorite Princess”. Would I talk to her if I had a wife and kids? I got Braxton and Virgil, who have $66.50 each. Me? $39.00 for covered Yabbos. How did B live with my finances? Braxton’s Trust In V

Tuesday, March 4, 2025

Meditation 246 ~Braxton’s Trust In V…~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And I’ll love you even more in 5, 4, 3, 2… Time to love. Price?

Love can’t tell time. Love comes with no price tag. One day, it’s standing on my bed covered in syrupy goodness, showing me that the additional sausages aren’t real meat…

One of my best memories of Braxton. “Shoulda took a picture, Something I could keep. Buy a little frame, something cheap.” And no, I’m not crying as I remember, love.

Honestly, you wouldn’t mind. If it wasn’t for the love of my firstborn son… My trust in him. Honestly, it’s only something in my eye. I’ve told you the reasons I call Braxton pancake. One of them was after B ate my waffles. So I put my pancakes up high so Braxton couldn’t reach them. My mom said, “You sure love pancakes.” Then there’s you.

When I say, “I love you like pancakes.” Trust me, my love that is LOVE. Because I didn’t think I could love anything or anyone like I loved my son. You, our children, and Virgil.

Don’t I count Virgil Vivi as my son? I would share my pancakes with him if I wasn’t spending money like it’s going out of style. And what is that line from The Walking Dead?

Something to the tune of, When I was pouring the Bisquick, I was trying to make pancakes, ha-ha. And we made some good pancakes, or can I just call them the kids, like Braxton and Virgil. Only our two-legged children have trust funds. Daddy’s spending…

No matter how much money we have, I want more.

Because while “Lovin’ is what I got.” Loving you, our kids… yes, Virgil too. Braxton… Always and forever, I will remember you, I tell him with every beat of my heart. I swear, my love, even when I can’t get the words out. Quiet love is quite a love. Because…

Somehow, someday, the Man in the Mirror might think that a tiny bit of This Love, This Year’s Love, applies to him. That’s why I go back and forth between how loud… And how quiet love can be. And then it’s those in-between times… When Virgil Vivi is sound asleep.

When I need to watch God’s Favorite Princess @luxlo. Or when I finally breathe, dearest. To be here now… in love. Braxton’s Trust In V…

1493 Days Without B III, Day 934 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will