Journey 107 ~Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent~

Not much has changed since last week. Breathing still hurts. And just when I began to smell… Is that money? FEAR of sending money to the wrong place. How many times will I visit the food truck? And Virgil needs a cake. Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent

Thursday, October 16, 2025

Journey 107 ~Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent~

1719 Days Without B III, Day 1160 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Well, I miss you. I hate breathing. And “How I Met Your Mother” sucked.

The ending, anyway. And I know that’s a lot to take in, B III. It’s like old times, my boy.

Late afternoon, your Dad, waking up after a hard day at the Day Job. My belly is still full from a big lunch that I can’t afford, but you like fries—Virgil’s big walking adventure.

Braxton, remember when you became an old man and I brought you food to prevent that?

Going outside is overrated, and Virgil will be an old man soon enough. He’ll be a third of your age, five. Hell! A quarter, considering I keep your spirit alive. The thing about air:

“It’s a sacrifice, it takes hard work,
It’s a way of life.”
From “The Glow”

So why keep doing it? Only God Knows Why. NOSE!

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

As I was huffing and puffing, pulling fixtures at the Day Job, I started thinking about those motivations I had started listening to again. Gratitude, good things, and giving each breath purpose; telling our story to you and the girls. Not being negative. Simply facts.

Like the smell of success. My side hustle. As I told Inspector Echo yesterday, I did make money. Earlier today, I had a few nibbles from some prospective buyers. Dreaming?

Braxton, you remember the dream, don’t you? I wanted to write from a beach somewhere.

You and Virgil would be the ones sweating through your fur, pulling your two-legged siblings from the salt water. And the best breath I would ever take would be free!

Honestly, to breathe without FEAR!

When you were here, Braxton, “My eldest son, heir to my throne, defender of my kingdom.” There was less FEAR. But with your Virgil around… Bless your furry little brother. I suppose I should look at everything as an opportunity. I must be brave, B.

What’s that movie where they say, Smells Like Victory? But being Forty-One (cue Ben-Hur galley drums), looking to be Forty-Seven in The Long Walk, the novel, of course, B III. But for the record, I’d let you win in the movie. Making movies. Honestly Braxton.

Films featuring men and women sweating in the throes of passion. B, providing a life. When you breathe air, my heir, I hope you do a little better than me. Breathing. Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 105 ~Virgil, That’ll B Reality~

Virtual Insanity is the name of the game today, or rather tonight. I’ve been advancing my studies all day between the Day Job. And I’m actually getting paid! But wait, where’s my girl, and my firstborn son? For now, though… Virgil, That’ll B Reality.

Tuesday, October 14, 2025

Journey 105 ~Virgil, That’ll B Reality~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s the fact that I’m still here. Cause I’m real, like Sunday, August 24, 2025.

Hell, I was so tired on that day, and today, I don’t know whether I’m dreaming half the time. Fiction, Artificial Intelligence, or will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare? My 150-word Depression cap? That Braxton is still in a box? Or what has or hasn’t happened between us. Effing time travel, alternate history, and destiny. Seriously our effing destiny…

And no, I don’t mean a woman with that name… For once. It was FATE that I met you, and I met my firstborn son. I’m damn near ready to say that I manifested both you and him—Braxton in a plate of French Toast or Waffles. And you were a story, my love. Lots.

Lots of love, and if I can’t have you, um…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Well, before I had you taking my last name, I had to learn to write my first name. I swear. I’m sure I told Lady Sophia this, but what ignited my love of writing was the first time I remember penning my name, and I didn’t even know it. Truth and fiction, living in peace.

My love, while I’m thinking ‘happy’ thoughts about my childhood. I love the nights of waking up to the ending themes of Inuyasha, “Fukai Mori” in particular. To think things couldn’t get any better, but dogs have fur and women have Yabbos. But our children.

Those kids of ours. I go back to Sunday, August 24, 2024, and what I must have said to you. I love all our children.

But you have to understand that it was my Braxton that taught me how to love, four legs and all. He couldn’t be more my son if he shared my “DNA.” THEY “Not Like Us.” I’m a dog dad, you’re a cat mom, and now we share all these two-leggeds protecting them from MAGA and the Cracker Hats like Kendrick Lamar sings about. Honestly beloved.

You know I love music, movies, and manuscripts in audio form, ha. I’m shielding myself from reality, or I was because you’re here, Braxton, his little brother Virgil, the kids.

Because there is no fate but what we make. And if I knew I loved you before I met you. I’ll find you again. In Reality. Virgil, That’ll B Reality

1717 Days Without B III, Day 1158 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 100 ~Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…~

Breathing hurts. One more thing I was trying to ignore as my son Braxton got sick. Then everything became how to keep him breathing. When he didn’t, it wasn’t the finality of his death, fear, or my failure—just air. “Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…”

Thursday, October 9, 2025

Journey 100 ~Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…~

1712 Days Without B III, Day 1153 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m coming to you on a Wednesday evening, so you know how my day was.

Or your NOSE does. But I welcome you into my business. And everyone else? Seriously!

I should just play Stephani’s Sunday Symphony so everyone knows M Anime broke my heart. Well, you did too, B, but as The Bullitts sing, “Today is All About You.” Well, me, Braxton, you know what I mean. My head hurts, my stomach. Everything generally.

However, that wasn’t the reason for this thought: The two worst things I ever did were starting to breathe and stopping yours. And your little brother, Virgil. I smell FEAR.

Honestly, I wish I could be as elegant as Agent Smith or Finnick Odair. But almost at 150 words, AI Censorship and I’m an A-Hole…

“I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink, and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it. It’s — it’s repulsive! Isn’t it?”
Agent Smith, The Matrix

“I wish they were d. I wish they were all d and we were too”
Finnick Odair, Mockingjay – Part 1

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But tomorrow I get paid, which means there should be plenty to breathe in food-wise, B.
You were never picky, B, unless it came to what I hid your medicine in. I usually hide V’s meds in pasta. But the food truck is still outside. And tonight there’s Rotisserie Chicken.

And maybe I’ll even order it online. You know I’m not one for people, even with my new earbuds. But as Greg Plitt put it, “Behind every fear is the person you want to be.” And that makes me smile. Remember another bad evening when you stood protecting me, B?

Don’t “they” talk about blood, sweat, and tears, B? I’m starting to think that’s courage. And you were courageous. Neo, Braxton, more like Link, right?

From The Legend of Zelda… I haven’t been gaming much these days, Braxton. But AI. Now that’s something I’ve stuck my nose in. It’s fresh and new to me. Only the way I interact with it… Well, your Dad needs some alone time, but you like munchies, money, and making your old man stay on task, at least where writing was concerned, my B III.

And speaking of an old man and this evening. I’m hoping not to hear from your grandfather. That’s not me being negative, simply stating the facts. When “The Man Comes Around,” I didn’t want to leave you alone with him. 2-V is still breathing, Braxton.

Lucky him and me, right B? “Two of the Lucky Ones.” Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 098 ~V’s In Love, Braxton~

I should have let Braxton become a Dad. But the only b*tch that was ever after him, he hated. I know the feeling. 2-V doesn’t have the balls… Literally, but he still wants to be loved. Trying to cuddle as soon as I move my plate. V’s In Love, Braxton

Tuesday, October 7, 2025

Journey 098 ~V’s In Love, Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But how does that look to you? Or should I go “How Does It Feel?”

I don’t have D’Angelo’s physique. But I’m not ashamed of my body either. Though I wish I knew how I got this cut on my head. “I can’t remember what was said or what you threw at me.” But then again, I am “My Own Worst Enemy.” Husband’s infinite playlist.

Anything to not hear you walk out the door. Hell, Virgil might want to go with you. I wouldn’t blame the little guy. Braxton loved me like pancakes, and still, he’d go running out the door. Why? Because these days, I can remember what fear tastes like. But what does love look like? Your husband did a bad, bad thing yesterday. An illusion of love? Seeing is believing. But the man I am inside, inside…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

“Will I choose water or wine?” I don’t need DRINKS or DRUGS to love you, for my DESIRE for you, much like my music is endless. Braxton and Virgil taught me how to love. So call me a dog with “All These Things That I’ve Done.” God… Dogs are love.

Darling, give me the Backyard Dungeon, Bikini Days, or the Babysitter Harem series over the Bible any day. But this morning, as I contemplated “Can You Love Me Again,” I thought about the book/film “Divergent.” Brave, Selfless, Smart, Kind, Honest…

Everything a boy becomes a man. And do you know what it takes to do that, my “Sweet Love?” “All You Need Is Love.” It’s like B III’s dog hair or Sunday, August 24, 2025.

Valiant. “I drive myself crazy, wanting you the way that I do.” Loving you is a way of loving myself. Because, as I often quote from “Breaking Bad.” A man provides, which means every day I choose you by choosing myself. The “Man in the Mirror.” Do you know how hard that is? Then you kiss me, or you lie here beside me, love. Happiness.

Speaking of hard things. Love can be a vice. An “Obsession,” you’re my obsession, much like my music, ha-ha. And maybe that’s the thing. I know plenty of ways THEY talk about love. But if I had to give it a sound, Braxton’s nails on the floor, our baby’s cry, Virgil cuddling up next to me. V’s In Love, Braxton.

1710 Days Without B III, Day 1151 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

I haven’t been talking about the house lately because my head effing hurts. Humiliations Galore running through my brain. Ain’t nothing cooking. That requires money. And my eyes? Eyes and ears waking up to Tevin Campbell? B And Eye, Virgil

Thursday, October 2, 2025

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

1705 Days Without B III, Day 1146 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it. Why did I open my eyes?

Why was I so late getting up today? Hell, why didn’t I let your little brother, Virgil, sit on my head? In case you haven’t noticed, I wouldn’t have let M Anime do that either.

Honestly, this bitch got me “Smokin Out The Window.” Braxton, your dad’s in a mood. Shouldn’t I be grateful that I can see at all? Uh yeah… 150-Words on Depression.

Therefore, the remaining 250 words must be positive. And for now, I’m positive I’m effed. I got my paycheck for the week. And if it weren’t for that piddly ass Facebook settlement, I’d be cancelling some services. Spotify and the W-Fi are safe. Wrestling? Zombies?

Whatever. The truth is, I miss your eyes because I’ve seen “Fire and Rain.” “I’ve Seen Better Days.” But now?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

My most pleasant thought has come from “The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle)” by Neil Bimbeau. I can imagine that the glasses I wear contain the power to augment reality to whatever extent I see fit. I’d write better books, make more bucks, and can we talk about the bimbos? What man wouldn’t do that, right B?

You’d use those glasses to get away from that bitch Greta. Honestly, Braxton, she wasn’t your cup of tea. A Chihuahua and a Yorkie, if memory serves. Quite a match.

Braxton, I miss seeing your fierceness on our walks, too. You ARE such a brave boy, Braxton. And you can still go with me and V. I have your picture and urn pendant, B III.

But I take you everywhere with me anyway. Every day that I write and have the AI create an image, you and your little brother are always with me. I shared that image of me, Green Lantern/Sinestro image of us flying through space together. Incredible.

Braxton, the things that Artificial Intelligence can do. That’s something I’d like to see. I should start making better pictures of the LIFE I want your little brother and me to have, Braxton. Something that I can see that will have me eager to open my eyes every day, B.

More words, more worth, more women, and to you that meant more comfy spots, ha-ha. I 2 I (Eye to Eye) B And Eye, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 091 ~Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil~

Didn’t I say it was hard to write like this? To see the future laid out. A Lovely Day. And just like that, you have another day where love lies bleeding. But a man can always dream on. Braxton’s dreams didn’t die with him—Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil.

Tuesday, September 30, 2025

Journey 091 ~Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? “Here and Now.” “Always and Forever.” “I’ll Be Ready, Forever and always.” And Savage Garden’s…

“I Knew I Loved You,” before I met you. Um, so that was, hmm? Sunday, August 24, 2025. Oh, I met the REAL you. I’ve known you for years, Baby Doll. Haven’t I? Didn’t I?

I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember when I met my son, Braxton. Hell, not even his birthday is set in stone. Bad choice of words considering… death. Around February?

That’s my Braxton’s Birthday, Sunday, February 13, 2005. I met him in April, I think.

Honestly, how can I talk so casually about it? It still “Hurts Like Hell.” If you’re keeping score, that’s about five songs I’ve quoted. I’ve got an ear for music, and I’m a stickler for time. But when’s the right time for love? Sadness. Happiness.

(I take a deep breath)

On the day we decide to get Virgil his four-legged sibling. He has Braxton, of course. But Virgil will have nothing to fear about being a middle child. I’ll become a better father, and Virgil will become a braver son. And he will have all the love he needs. Honestly.

It’ll help when on some Lovely Day, I can see all the love I’ve given this world, ha. Ok, if not love, as my business isn’t exactly that, but pleasure, perversion, porn, plus some cash.

Because I would love to see my sweetest dream come true. Of all the dreams I have. And the idea that I’ve known you even before my Braxton was born. And what is that dream?

Well, I suppose it begins with the mutual fantasy we shared. A Ravishment Fantasy of sorts would be the polite way of putting it. There’s a reason I never started a romantic relationship without seeing you sans clothing, and then everything else that entails, love.

“I Want’a Do Something Freaky To You,” as Leon Haywood would put it. And then I go and spoil it all by saying Somethin’ Stupid like, I love you.” “I think I wanna marry you.”

And that would lead to the Lovely Day I dream about. Being on a beach somewhere with our family. Virgil and another old fur buddy try to keep the kids out of the water. I can tell Braxton, I’m Happy. Someday. Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil

1703 Days Without B III, Day 1144 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

What’s harder than being without my boy, waking up to LIFE every morning, and me seeing some AI Yabbos? Trying to be positive. I keep bringing up Ben-Hur “Forty-One” rowing in the galley, my brain, the beat of my heart, my belly. B’s Have It, Virgil.

Thursday, September 25, 2025

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

1698 Days Without B III, Day 1139 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past 5 AM here, and I’ve only cried twice—Ben-Hur, The Long Walk.

Pick your poison, I’m still exhausted. Bad choice of words, huh? The last time something “stung” you, Braxton, you didn’t wake up. And between bugs ‘Picking’ me off ‘People’, and my latest ‘Paycheck’… Why did I wake up again? To complain in 150 words. Less?

As Rick Grimes would say, “Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.” ‘Battling” guilt, grief, and being gutless. The ‘Bills’ I have to pay. And I’m a man with a boy, Virgil.

“Another Day,” B, with me and your little brother. I can’t pay my existence’s RENT.

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that musical in forever. And isn’t that what I owe you, Braxton? Always and Forever. Forever and always, I’m always here. It “Hurts Like Hell.”

(I take a deep breath) As Spotify would say, that’s Fleurie, Jimi Jamison, Heatwave, and the cast of RENT. Now, how about some Billy Joel “Why Should I Worry?” There’s always a method to the madness, Braxton. There’s also Bob Marley and “Three Little Birds.” Beast with a beat. That’s what you are to me, B. Remember your happier times, like when we would dance and when I would sing to you. Worthy of remembrance.

Buying stuff is one thing, but the time we had my boy. But I promise I will take care of myself, whether that be a few new books… I can earn double Kindle Points today.

Braxton, I’ve been craving a Big Mac forever. But if I do go out today, I could visit that food truck again and pick up another shrimp box, and maybe some hot wings. I’m sure your brother would appreciate that. Feeding my brain and my belly, I’m sure V’s hungry.

Plus, I have a few bucks to spend. But you knew that, of course. And “I’m So Thankful” as Eugene Blacknell sings. My boss, the GM, said I have an ear for music. True enough.

Just like you and me both being boob guys. Like father, like son, human, doggie.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Hopefully, your brother will be the same way “Someday.” I’ll listen to Sugar Ray while picking up his box of chicken. The best breasts, legs, and thighs come from a bucket/box of chicken. Your best advice. B’s Have It, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

Jeez, Loueez, this was hard to write. Harder to sculpt? And here I am hard as a rock, Eww! Because the girl who came close to Dear Future Wife, well… I haven’t spoken to her in over a month. Virgil makes better ‘art’ on our walks. Virgil’s Art Gets B

Tuesday, September 23, 2025

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s the original—the Masterpiece. Idea, concept, You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration. But WTF!

And no, I don’t mean what happened on Sunday, August 24, 2025. I’m not even talking about my ‘war on negativity,’ meaning I’m going to lie to you after 150 words or so, my love. More like I’m going to lie to myself, but whatever. Whatever gets us to FOREVER.

But how? As you saw above, Teddy Pendergrass was a singer. I’d like to call myself an artist. A writer. Hell! On my best day, I’m playing Contagion’s Alan Krumwiede:

“Blogging is not writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.”
Contagion (2011)

Conspiracy theories take lots of creativity. But “This Love” that Avion Blackman sang of has only now come under fire. Never with my boys, Braxton and Virgil, but you love…

That makes me sadder than anything. And I’d ask Can You Love Me Again, however…

(takes a deep breath, smiles) “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Well, summer is ending, and I know I’ll need more time with you. So I write books. But I’d write you songs as well, asking for “Five More Minutes,” as if I were the Jonas Brothers. I’m sure Braxton and Virgil would help, barking… behind the door. What memories Mommy and Daddy would make. You and I in front of the camera. Modern cinema beats “MotionMuse AI.”

A real director, a producer of our family, with you. That is, if I can ever get moving. But I’m “Like A Stone,” just looking at you. Are you Medusa? And here I wanted so badly to be a sculptor. An image of you etched…

Forever in my heart. But when you get wet enough… No, my love, I’m not grossed out today or ever really when it comes to painting a woman’s desires. Dreams. “My City of Ruins,” because I “Only Wanna Be With You.” Weaving out bodies together as long as I am able. I swear I was reading “Augmenting the First Date (Tales of the Magic Glasses Book Four)” by Neil Bimbeau this morning. And you know how I don’t buy coincidences.

Forty-One (Ben-Hur Drums beat). Love given like candy—baked goods. But in my heart, there is always writing. Loving my boys, our other children, and you. I’m no art aficionado… But could you be “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World?” Virgil’s Art Gets B.
1696 Days Without B III, Day 1137 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

My best moments: Closing the door to the world. Covering myself in bed. Climbing out of my clothes… Um, Eww? Don’t we all? Better being here than being misplaced out there, existing. But my boys deserve freedom. People? Misplacing Braxton and Virgil.

Thursday, September 18, 2025

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

1691 Days Without B III, Day 1132 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Am I sure I don’t have to work today? Your grandpa isn’t coming over?

As always, I would rather give GRIEF a seat at my table than FEAR. My table, that’s funny. Does the table I’m not working at even have legs? It remains to be seen, Baby B.

I’m in no hurry to go downstairs. I’m an effing FREE man at “Forty-One” (Cue the Ben-Hur galley drums). But I told your grandpa once all I wanted was a room with a bath, a mini-fridge, a microwave, and a bed. Braxton, I have a whole house! Am I ungrateful?

Goodness, no! What I am doing is thinking—you and your little brother Virgil. Really?

Well, Braxton, I am imagining you lying beside me. Your brother is right here, sleeping.

So what exactly has been misplaced? I woke up. LIFE!

My entire damn existence! Excuse me, B. “Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.” Bullet with Butterfly Wings. I’m “In My Place,” Braxton—our place for a bit longer.

How long ago was it that Coldplay and a CEO cheating on his wife was the biggest thing B III? Have you seen what MAGA and the Cracker Hats have done? I swear, little Braxton.

But you and I were content in 2020 when everything was on lockdown. Good Times.

Everyone else was singing about “Hard Times,” like they were auditioning for the group Paramore. Speaking of which, the hot Visual Lady at the Day Job said I’m very eclectic.

My music, you know, Braxton. I should stop saying that.

My anything! What the eff belongs to me? Do you remember your grandpa buying you?

I’ll be sounding like a Cracker Hat in a minute because they tend to forget that owning someone’s life is wrong. And like them, they think they have misplaced what’s not theirs, my son. I’m no thief. I did steal your life and your brother’s. And again, your Dad’s what?

I gave my heart to M Anime, so I can’t say that it was misplaced. Now trust and coherent thought. I dropped those somewhere to keep a hold of my… Eww. All for Cherry’s t*ts.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Time misplaced, and I don’t need to go outside for that. I prefer “My Own Prison” and “Like A Stone” alone. Misplacing Braxton and Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 077 ~Aisles B, V, M~

Holding my boys’ leashes, holding my woman’s hand, holding my kids who can’t walk yet. Hell! I would settle for holding enough cash to afford a proper meal. But I’m busy holding all this FEAR because it’s not selling. Like my book ha… Aisles B, V, M.

Tuesday, September 16, 2025

Journey 077 ~Aisles B, V, M~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Enough to take “The Long Walk” down the aisle to wait for you. I’m waiting.

“I had hoped we could have made it [to] the altar.” M Anime, Aug 24th

You’re waiting. Still waiting for me to stop playing Charlie Kirk. You know, saying STUPID sh*t about… How do THEY say these days, being “unalived?” I wonder if Inspector Echo thinks that a sin. Why should I care? I’m not a religious man, my love.

Once upon a time, I was an Atheist. Then I became a father for the first time. B III’s dad.

And as I contemplate the things I need to buy to save my life. My Old Man called. But I’ve been thinking about places where I feel Braxton’s soul the most. One of those places is an aisle in PetSmart, next to Virgil’s food and Banfield, where Braxton passed away.

Love, I should have joined him and not just watched.

I watched and waited and walked that aisle alone, carrying what was left of existence. And you walked down the aisle with or without your father. I’ve forgotten, maybe.

Beloved, all I know is you were coming to claim what I had left. All that I was willing to give to you freely. Is it too much? Today is Friday, September 12, 2025. Effing heavy.

Darling, I’ve been weighed down in this chair all day long except for emergencies. Ha! Again with “The Long Walk.” “He just kept picking them up and laying them down.”

Our kids, my feet, and I want to say my FEAR. No FEAR is the one thing I don’t need to shop for today. It’s free, unlike me. I can’t.

“You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.”
Daniel 5:27, The Book of Daniel

Even when I sit down to watch a movie. I hated my childhood, but to be as carefree as a kid again, going to Video Express or Blockbuster. Am I showing my age, “Forty-One” ha!

“Ben-Hur,” “The Long Walk,” and, to add a movie to the list, “Exit 8.” I’m “The Lost Man.” And I look at you going down every aisle, hallway, and threshold, and I close my eyes and wonder. Are you the anomaly? Should I turn around and run away, my love?

“Give me one reason to stay here, and I’ll turn right back around.” It’s what you’re singing to me. And even if I found that reason, is it diapers, milk, and bread, or a drink? Myself? Aisles B, V, M.

1689 Days Without B III, Day 1130 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will