Tag: Mistake

Journey 203 ~Just B Here Virgil~

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She’s not here, and I doubt she’ll ever be. And how many years were M Anime and I friends to suddenly go, now you’re just “Somebody That I Used To Know.” I knew B practically his whole life. But no wife or kids here. Me, Virgil… “Just B Here Virgil.”

Tuesday, January 20, 2026

Journey 203 ~Just B Here Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? So why play “Things You Can Say About Your Dog But Not Your Girlfriend” Wife?

“Be Here Now.” Isn’t that from “A Dog’s Purpose”? That reminds me… WTF! I should read yet another book about dog loss next week. Currently, I’m reading another HaremLit book, but we’ll get to that. Like Sunday, January 31, 2021, Saturday, August 13, 2022, Forty-One Effing E-Days. But “You And Me?” I swear I didn’t want to cry today. Effing Lifehouse! Effing Sunday, August 24, 2025. Who would I be if that day went differently?

A “Lonely Soul” sitting in the middle of a “Mad World.” Me and the mutt? Do I mean Braxton’s little brother, Virgil? Tarnished and maidenless, a “geek” playing Elden Ring. Not even a man? Land? No, fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. And some make me out to be androgynous…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

No! You, my love, know I’m all man. But if you weren’t here… Hell, I’d love to be Johnny Sins. I’d fornicate till my cock turns blue. Effing my way across the seven seas. Forever?

If I didn’t have you, my love, I’d end up like Kaoru from Slaves to Passion/Hana Dorei. I would lose myself to… Beautiful but boring. Did I mention I’m reading “Pledged To Him 8” by Neil Bimbeau? What woman would let me have such a life? Cuck, Harem, and more.

How many women do I know who would allow a harem? Well, there’s you, mistress… Have we gotten there yet? Is that something we could both be here for? Because what caused Sunday, August 24, 2025. I still don’t know.

Children? I want to be a father, you want to be a mother, and what comes next? B and V?

They get to be big brothers. Chihuahuas and all. Like Braxton, “You Are Not Here.”

Honestly? That’s what I tell myself every morning, and then I’m proven wrong. My sin?

“Too sexy for my love. Love’s going to leave me.” Yeah, that’s funny. If anything, I haven’t been here for all the days that I’ve mentioned. I haven’t left the exam table where Braxton died. I haven’t risen from the loveseat the first day I got Virgil, and gasped, “What have I done?” I haven’t left the bed since “the breakup.” Or the place where I was born. But I’m expected. Just B Here Virgil

1815 Days Without B III, Day 1256 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 198 ~A CAPITAL B Virgil~

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I figured I’d leave my boy before he left me. He’d see 20, and I would finally do something about my bipolar depression. Hell, I had that way before I even met him. And I got Virgil from “behind bars.” Yet I SEEK my own punishment… A CAPITAL B Virgil

Thursday, January 15, 2026

Journey 198 ~A CAPITAL B Virgil~

1810 Days Without B III, Day 1251 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day? First and foremost, I’m feeling glad that I made it back to you.

“I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” But honestly, my face hurts (I fell asleep in my glasses), and my fingers are frozen. And if I’m going to get effed, hopefully it will be before Tuesday, SIGH. Eww! And I didn’t mean that kind of effed. Door or back scratching, no.

“Time of the Season?” Braxton, “Every Day Is Exactly the Same.” But in January, sh*t!

While I repeat the day you passed away. It seems I want to repeat the same emotions I had over the course of the month. And the primary emotion included the phrase “Please put your hands behind your back, sir.” Then you died, and I actually deserved some jail time. And I know I’m going to Hell. Ninth Circle bound.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

So today at the Day Job was practice. And I think I get what Milton/Nicolas Cage was saying in the movie “Drive Angry.” Did we ever watch that B III? Your Dad and his films.

Burning is nothing? There was the RAGE I felt that whole week. There was the ruttin’ for way wrong things. Full Transparency? But most of all, I remember the shame, B, I had failed you.

I was burning through pages of books that brought the two of us nothing, all so I could work at the place that killed you. My Day Job? The only people next to me. Seriously.

Didn’t I mention rutting? What was I looking at, lusting for, just leering galore, and I thought I’m in trouble.

And that leads me to M Anime. I told her I’ve never met “A Girl Like You” before. And I’ve never met a fur buddy like you, Braxton. I met your little brother, Virgil, in August of 2022. So should I meet a facsimile of M Anime around March 2027? I don’t think so, B.

“I’ll Never Fall in Love Again.” Actually, while I was freezing in that truck today, I believe I was singing “Teen Idle,” you know, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” But I have 2-V, B.

And the first time I got arrested, you weren’t born. Terrible or terrorist as a father, a boyfried/husband, a writer, and a man in “Capital Letters,” I did it “My Way,” A CAPITAL B Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 196 ~Virgil, There’ll B Times~

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Tick tock. TikTok. When I wake up, it’s usually to the song “Easy Street. My breathing is anything but. If anyone’s reading, you and they know. I wonder whether she knows? Busy with the new hubby? B’s on the Rainbow Bridge. “Virgil, There’ll B Times”

Tuesday, January 13, 2026

Journey 196 ~Virgil, There’ll B Times~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And “The World Will Know!” The funny papers. A sex tape? New York Times Bestseller.

When I write one. Eventually. Can Erotica be considered? Did I ask that honestly, love?

If anything, I rather it be for one of B III’s books. 2-V’s? We’re way too early for that one. And what about my life story? I have to start living it—The Shawshank Redemption.

“Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’.”
The Shawshank Redemption

Seriously, every day I tell myself I’m going to start, but I find myself right back here, minus my Braxton. And if Virgil isn’t here… Well, things I will do. That I will create, eww, but since he is here and I have you, my beautiful wife. Again, I find myself, like Cody Rhodes, asking, So, what do you want to talk about?” I have the time. Well, no, but I bought a “clock factory.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I don’t think that’s what they mean by buying time. But there’s never time. Darling…

Why do you think I want to stay so busy? My hands look, love, and lose. And today I was looking at next week and the week after… “You know that’s a game that I hate to lose.” Love? And so I’ve been thinking more and more about what it would be like to “Drift Away.” Not this Saturday, but the next is the 24th, and after the 31st. It’s as if Sunday is trying to escape my wrath. And I’m telling myself that after the 24th (5th Month Anniversary), I’ll never speak on that subject again. And the 31st? I’m going to be crying about Braxton forever, my love.

It’s going to be a hard two weeks. “Pictures/Pussy On My Phone,” thank you, Wheeler Walker Jr. And my dear Braxton… That son of mine is bigger than my heart and other things… No wonder my heart was broken when he passed—effing time, beloved.

Memories. And no, I’m not a fan of CATS. I do mean the musical; the fur buddies are alright by me. And one day, I’ll have time, unless you’ve seen how MAGA has been acting lately. AI or Trump is going to kill us all. So again I look to my special drawer, my armory.

I want to protect my family—you, my woman, our wonderful children, and B’s work. I’m still alive. “Times Like These.” Virgil, There’ll B Times

1808 Days Without B III, Day 1249 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 191 ~B Patient. Will V~

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“Wooo. It’s like a drug. Wearing these glasses gets you high, but you come down hard,” as Nada said in “They Live.” And speaking of glasses, I need to have an eye exam this month. Head examinations cost a whole lot more. “B Patient. Will V”

Thursday, January 8, 2026

Journey 191 ~B Patient. Will V~

1803 Days Without B III, Day 1244 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Nine times out of ten, you knew my answer. But with my refusal to answer…

Well, as I tell everyone… I’m here. Hungry, horny, and playing the hater, but here.

Breathing, as much as I wish I wasn’t… Oops, did I say that out loud? It’s not like this, Succubus Lord, and I can be responsible for your… End. Again? I still haven’t requested time off at the end of the month. And secondly, I’ve said a lot worse things this new year. Just eww.

So, the first week. How’d I like it? I wish I knew how yours in Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever was week one. “Where’d You Go,” as the song goes. I swear, your book.

Honestly, it brought me to tears… With how bad it is. But your brother was patient as I read it.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

As for myself? Ok, as the song goes, I feel angry, I feel helpless, I feel violent, I feel alone.

My “One” Creed, as it were. I’m a sick Old Man obsessed with a certain brunette at the moment. Oh, like you haven’t heard that one before. And all because I’m trying to forget about a very married Puerto Rican girl. M Anime. And I’m still unsure she’s married, B. But after the 24th, she’ll only be “Somebody That I Used To Know.” Seriously? Whatever!

It’s been 1244 Days, and I still don’t know your little brother. Virgil’s being patient.

Honestly, he is afraid. And you know I have my “Anxiety.” They sound effing similar.

Braxton, they are one and the same “Across The Universe.”

My universe? Outside of the Magic Glasses? That’s what I’m calling AI. Reality’s a lot.

Do you remember how you and I were supposed to be apocalypse survivor buddies, B?

I’m sure you can see what MAGA is doing. I’ve been saying forever that I’m going to the Ninth Circle of Hell for betraying you, B. But with all the ICE heading in that direction…

I could move up to the Eighth, which I believe is Fraud. That took my Magic Helmet and Magic Glasses… In other words, ChatGPT. I’m of the mind that if AI will kill rather than save your human Daddy, Braxton. How long will I play patient on this deathbed, Little B. Patiently waiting to follow you… B Patient. Will V.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 189 ~That’ll B WHITE Virgil~

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Can a wedding dress be sexy? I know people are getting married this year. This month. My Ex… So, I wanted a Hunger Games: Catching Fire motif. Everyone, cheering her name as we ride a chariot in black. But living in America. “That’ll B WHITE Virgil.”

Tuesday, January 6, 2026

Journey 189 ~That’ll B WHITE Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Is love still allowed in our country, My Love?” For more than white people. History.

Aren’t I all political, hmm? No, not really. I simply saw the date. And here I am up in our bed with you, sipping on an energy drink that reminds me of one of those canned drinks from the 80’s, to uh now. And did you know that MTV was deleted, discarded, or in other words, dead? America, America… I’m not opening up a shop in “Santa Fe,” mi amor.

RENT, really? I could talk about the love of my children, Braxton, Virgil, and all the two-legged crumb snatchers of ours. Eff, I miss Braxton! I’m keeping Virgil alive. Then there’s you, my love. Or am I lying? I have been having a particular TWD fantasy lately between The Governor, Maggie, and Negan. I swear…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Anything not to think about Sunday, August 24, 2025. Or worse fantasies about all of the women of The Walking Dead universe. I swear, as Queen Ramonda said in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. “I think one day artificial intelligence is going to kill us all.” Not that I need to wait for it, like when I read about the Magic Glasses and augmenting reality, ha.

I’m only a “man,” a black man at that. And in America… Only I wasn’t worried about the cops today. I need to stop lying. Love, you have no idea, Nobody Knows It But Me.

“Being afraid all of the time.” Okay, so Lt. Reginald Barclay III knows. Seriously B?

Anyway, I was thinking about being ALONE, AUGUST, and ANXIETY.

“Never felt so lonely, then you came along,” as the song goes. Silent Hill? I’d love to see your hills right now… Uh, your Yabbos. In a blue suit with a red tie, wrapped in the transgenic flag, Heather from Silent Hill, Maggie Greene, etc. Please stop me, love, sigh.

Then I thought about you with someone else, and you know my CUCK fantasies, love. Well, I thought about August again, and suddenly I went all Alpha. You’re mine, beloved.

So I don’t feel like watching or sharing you? I’m a dominant, even a sadist at times, but no, love. I thought of you in your wedding dress, and January 24th, coming up soon, baby.

You in white? Braxton in Heaven? That’ll B WHITE Virgil

1801 Days Without B III, Day 1242 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 184 ~Braxton’s Day One, Virgil~

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First day of the New Year… my “Ex-Girlfriend” is getting married this month. And my son passed away… Going on five years now. Auld Lang Syne, indeed. And after all the noise last night. A five AM bedtime, but Happy New Year… Braxton’s Day One, Virgil

Thursday, January 1, 2026

Journey 184 ~Braxton’s Day One, Virgil~

1796 Days Without B III, Day 1237 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good Day? Happy New Year, Braxton Barks Bradford! Firgues, I’d talk to you Day One.

And you didn’t have to sit on my head, ha. But B, you’re always “in the back of my mind. Do you Remember The Time?” Uh, you passed B, “Little Bitty Pretty One.” New year?

But your Dad still needs his music. I may have missed the ball drop… What? I wasn’t asleep. I just didn’t watch… (Not for lack of trying). Well, the bullets, bombs, and blowhards were enough. Your lil’ bro 2-V spent two hours hiding under my legs in terror. And I was zoned out until 5:00 AM. Party with the lights on, New Year’s Eve, thank you, Joe Walsh. But this is the first day, so how am I feeling? The house is full of elephants.

Stinks? Never forget? No Room?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

For what? New Year’s Resolutions? The 12 Wishes Ritual? Release Letter for the Year (2025)? Hell B, you were never “released.” I repeat “nearly” the same day you left on the 31st every year. Now throw in M Anime… For all I know, she’s a wifey. But on the 24th…

Five months since the break-up, I’ll consider that chapter closed—acceptance in that B III.

But not with us. I believe I’ll “See You Again.” But I’m Lenny Kravitz coming to M Anime, Eww! “All of my life. Where have you been? I wonder if I’ll ever see you AGAIN.”

Seriously, what will be my first song of the new year? I spoiled myself with Audible yet again, listening to Succubus Lord 7. I swear

Do I hear myself? What are my 12 Wishes for the New Year? Barring your resurrection or M Anime marrying me. “Letters from the Sky,” Ribbon in the Sky,” or something to that effect. “Something happens for me!” John Q, the King of Wishful Thinking:

  1. Keep Little Virgil Alive
  2. My Novel’s A Bestseller
  3. Make One Million Dollars
  4. Leave The Day Job
  5. Find Someone To Love
  6. Stop Being A Bum
  7. Content Creation, Not Writing
  8. Finally Live Without Fear
  9. Therapy, Medication, Fixing Me
  10. Buy A New Laptop
  11. Bring Back Justice (Payback)
  12. Be Who You Saw

It’s not much of a list. Not like that one way back, but Happy New Year! Braxton’s Day One, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 182 ~Don’t B Hatin’ Virgil~

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“Days Go By,” still, I think of you as the song goes. Days I wish I’d never seen… E-Day forty-one years ago, Jan 31st four years ago, today, but no. Aug 24th wins this year. The worst day ever. B III never met HER, nor did 2-V. Don’t B Hatin’ Virgil.

Tuesday, December 30, 2025

Journey 182 ~Don’t B Hatin’ Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than my boys? Isn’t that always the question? Braxton was here before. Um, us…

As in “Physical.” I’m not Olivia Newton-John old. As in “passin’, passin’ away.” “The Crossroads? Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? Yeah, that’s more my speed. But the music?

Honestly, lover, it’s not blowing up the skies, the bullets flying, or my old bones cracking that I’m trying to block out right now. Well, more so December 31st… New Year’s Eve. The ticking of the damn clock. You know I almost said cock, ha! And I’m sure I said cuck today. But either at the old Day Job or my dream job. Either would fit. Am I right?

But I don’t want to talk about today. And never tomorrow. I want to write a letter this year. But I ain’t got time for that. No, sorry, my love.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

And sadly, I hated the whole year. Hell, I have every day “documented.” But which day is the most hated? Why not loved? I love you, our children, and I am pretty fond of Virgil.

So no, I don’t hate him. And I’m sure he doesn’t hate me for not walking him today or catching the sunset. Did you feel how cold it was today? I should really know, love.

Yesterday, I left a comment about ICE and the Ninth Circle of Hell. They betray everyone, while I only betrayed my firstborn son. It’s about to be five years on January 31st, and I couldn’t save my Braxton. ACCEPTANCE isn’t in my vocabulary. But unfortunately, like MAGA and the Cracker Hats, there is always HATE.

And if I HATE one day out of this whole Braxton forsaken year, it’s honestly…

Sunday, August 24, 2025, at approximately 6:00 AM. It’s always a “Sunday Bloody Sunday,” my love. My “Endless Love.” I’m “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Seriously?

Like I am every single year. Why? Because every one of them was supposed to be the last beloved. Ever since I was “Seventeen.” And you know I wish I’d been younger. I wish I’d never been… But I’m here—forty-one years, a harem, two furry boys. B does count.

But on that “Sunday Morning,” when you said what you said… Who’d I hate more? You, me, or even Braxton for making me stay to say goodbye to another year? Whatever. Don’t B Hatin’ Virgil.

1794 Days Without B III, Day 1235 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 177 ~A B Holiday Virgil~

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Merry Christmas or “Bah humbug?” What you feel and what’s real? At least my Christmas blog isn’t nearly as bad as… You know who. FDT! And where is my Christmas spirit? I lost it back in August, but I need an hour or two for “A B Holiday Virgil.”

Thursday, December 25, 2025

Journey 177 ~A B Holiday Virgil~

1789 Days Without B III, Day 1230 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If I brought back food from my Olds Christmas Brunch. Pray for us, B III.

Me and your little brother Virgil? Well, it’s official. It’s Christmas Day, and besides you, B, and then some woman’s boobs/yabbos. The third thought that comes to mind is the 2009 film “The Killing Room.” Hell, anywhere but here or there, meaning the brunch, B.

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was up so early, and it wasn’t a Day Job requirement. All so I could talk to my favorite son. Parents shouldn’t have favorites, right, B III? Then again, Virgil got brunch invitations. You didn’t. I’d Rather Be With You, B III.

Bootsy Collins isn’t very Christmasy. But if I intend to see GREEN, I’d better be “Driving Home For Christmas.” Yes, “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” A home I’ll never see…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Five For Fighting? Me, a wife, you, your little brother, and your two-legged sibling. Well?

Actually, it would be eight. I want three crotch goblins, but the singer and all.

Requirements of being a Dad, again, to be up so early. Being Superman (It’s Not Easy), Braxton, but it beats this. Forty-one/Ben-Hur, Ray Garraty from The Long Walk, or The Running Man’s Ben Richards. Where oh where is my Christmas spirit? You know us, B.

Ebenezer Scrooge had cash. The Grinch had his dog, my boy, but means, and know-how. And I didn’t even bother making a Christmas list. I missed “The 12 Wishes Ritual.

Saturday maybe. “A Release Letter to the Year?” And I also need some New Year’s Resolutions. But first, Christmas Day.

The worst part will be seeing my Olds. “Take the Money and Run?” Excuse me, take the food and go because I didn’t get paid this week, so I have to last seven days. Budgeting…

I’m lucky things didn’t work out between your potential stepmom and me. There’s a Cuban guy somewhere who has his Christmas miracle. Three women in his harem. Didn’t I read something like that last week, except they were all Asian women? All I wanted was M… Braxton, am I really going to lie on Christmas

Stevie Wonder sang “Someday At Christmas,” talking about what it was for. I hate it. Only if “Everyone’s a Kid at Christmas Time,” I wish I didn’t feel BAD. Merry Christmas, A B Holiday Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 175 ~Braxton, Virgil, Find Santa~

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Was last week as humiliating? I should ask Santa for a rating scale. I got a new app for my writing. It says… GET HELP! Most wonderful time of the year, my ass. I’m surprised mine wasn’t fired today. Christmas gifts? Braxton, Virgil, Find Santa.

Tuesday, December 23, 2025

Journey 175 ~Braxton, Virgil, Find Santa~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? You found me. My boys found me first. And today, what did I find? Who?

Most days… Every day? As Wesley moaned in 2008’s “Wanted,” I don’t know who I am,” my love. And at the same time, since I’m quoting movies, it’s like 1993’s Demolition Man, “Isn’t there a thought repeating in that barbaric brain of yours… Don’t you have someone to k*ll?” I don’t know myself. And at the same time, I know exactly who I hate most.

Anxiety vs. Depression. Sweat vs. Blood. Braxton vs. Virgil. Coke vs. Pepsi. It goes on.
“And The Beat Goes On.” “The Whispers,” in my own effing head, my beloved. Madness.

And what does any of this have to do with Christmas? Honestly nothing. And Santa.

Love, “you don’t know how lovely you are.” And lucky or is that just me?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

If the kids come running saying, “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.” I’d want more.

And do you see how screwed up I am? I don’t know if I’m being cute, if I’d be doing more with my c*ck with you, or if I’m playing cuck and watching some jolly fat man with you, love. If I had a Christmas wish right this second, we’d be enjoying the Red/Black room…

Fifty Shades of Grey reference, amongst other things? And what are those things you ask?

Humiliations Galore! Boredom, the boys, and boxes of Christmas trees. Anything else has my eyes busting out of my skull. Boobies, blondes, brunettes, black hair. Hell, a buxom redhead, I am not picky. I’m easy to shop for. Magic Glasses…

Augmented realities, artificial intelligence, and amorality. Your husband’s an asshole. Like the song from Dennis Leary, I’m an “Asshole.” But a lucky one. Without pegging.

Eww! But I’m lucky. I got to play Santa for my two furry little boys. Or at least I tried, and I keep trying for B and V. But how old is Santa? Is he one of The Walking Dead?

Love, I could relate to him even more. But I’ll lie and play Santa for our kids. And I’m curious if you’re on the naughty or nice list. Even when I feel like… What? Nothing?

Because if I found Santa, I know what I’d ask for. It starts with D. Not my d*ck. A wish list? Braxton, Virgil, Find Santa

1787 Days Without B III, Day 1228 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 170 ~Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails~

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Most Holidays require: MONEY, emotion/reason, and family. Un, no money. With Christmas or any other “happy” holiday, again, I’m broke and not very religious. B’s gone, and V and I feel a certain way about family. Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails

Thursday, December 18, 2025

Journey 170 ~Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails~

1782 Days Without B III, Day 1223 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? This should be me getting ready for Christmas: haircut, groceries, and the food truck.

If we’re only counting Christmas, I owe you five and Virgil four, for 2021-2025 and 2022-2025, respectively. We were never a “true” Christmas household. And you ain’t Lady Sophia, B.

Still, I felt like we should talk about Christmas and share a few stories. Hell, isn’t Christmas a “religious” holiday? A Christian holiday. The only reason I’m not an atheist is because of you, Braxton. “All Dogs Go To Heaven,” indeed. I absolutely refuse to believe that a soul like yours and “Someday” your brother’s vanishes. I’m going to Hell.

But before my trip into the 9th Circle “Treachery,” how did we spend Christmas, hmm?
Watching the Santa Tracker. A decent breakfast of pancakes. I could stay here with you because of your grandparents, ha.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Your grandparents, my Olds. Comedy comes in threes, right? I talked about being an atheist. So after I said, “Christmas can eff off,” your grandma bought me Pokémon Stadium for the N64. I was way too old for it, but it was another obsession. Misty…

Anyway, it was your grandma’s way of saying she understood my new beliefs, B III. Speaking of the N64, the second thing is I found it in the closet, took it out of the box, and played Mario Kart 64 for hours. I repackaged everything. And put it back. Seriously…

Lastly, your grandad yelled at me one Christmas, and your grandma, his always-and-forever apologist, did just that. What your granddad isn’t a Nazi. No politics today, but FDT! Eff MAGA!

But what about this time next week, Christmas? There is a story I wish I could tell you and your brother. Sigh… M Anime, you know, she was supposed to be you and Virgil’s stepmom. I don’t think your brother would be pleased, but anyway. Can you imagine if she were here for Christmas? Being with her on Christmas Eve or the 23rd, because that woman was as freaky as I was. I know Braxton, eww! I’d introduce her to everyone…

Seriously, if I gave her what she wants… A child. It would be close to Emergence Day, Little B. “Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas,” anywhere but here, B. “There is no love here, and there is no pain,” “Just Another,” blah. Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad