Tag: Secrets

Meditation 033 ~Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs~

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Everything happens for a reason. NOT? Like me reading about the Howlers and one of Darrow’s best friends dying. Uh, spoiler alert… My best friend is gone, and now my second best friend is mourning her fur baby “Gabe.” Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs

Saturday, August 3, 2024

Meditation 033 ~Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But that doesn’t make me miss my boy, my son, Braxton, any less. If cryogenically frozen…

But I’ve been lost in fiction for this week, Lady Lunalesca. The cosmos’s coldness? Yes, I’m still reading “Morning Star.” We’ll get to that. There’s “my” unnamed title, “Sofía’s Nightmare.” Sofía, in a bunny costume from The Blackmail II: The Animation, is with the CEO. He’s saying, “Let’s Get It On”. There’s a random book I bought, too. Burning cash. It’s my way of finding comfort in these trying times.

Lunalesca, what am I forgetting? Got To Be Real, right? Braxton’s on a seventies kick. Wherever he is? Again, he’s not cryogenically frozen. B died. And now he has company.

Yesterday, right after speaking with Lady Sophia, I got the word from Braxton’s Aunt. Her fur baby, Gabriel Michael, joined Braxton with the “Spirit In The Sky.” August 2, 2024

Braxton’s Aunt’s son passed away.

If I didn’t make that clear, Lady Lunalesca, may his little soul rest in peace. She has to make decisions as I did when Braxton met his end. But Gabe tried to spare his mom. He died on his own and can say I did it “My Way.” That’s Frank Sinatra in 1969. Sixties and seventies music? I wonder. How will Gabriel talk to his mom? I’m trying as well.

Lunalesca, I’m at a loss. I have a record of what I did when Braxton fell, but I don’t know what to tell his Aunt. Who have I ever buried before… That I loved? Really, Luna. Two-legged family… I swear.

Braxton is in a box on the nightstand and a pendant I wear. Burial details are something new to me.

But I know she’s getting Gabe back as well. Braxton was cremated on February 4th, and he was “home” on February 10th. As for a ceremony? That I lacked Lunalesca.

This leads me back to reading. I showed Braxton’s Aunt as many books on grieving as I could—and there are even more. But how did I spend the rest of my night as she grieved?

I’m burying myself deeper with M Anime and her troubles as well. She’s the “Girl All The Bad Guys Want.” Why she deals with me, I’ll never know. Grieving, Groaning. I feel like I’m drowning in it all. Depression, Depravity.

Lunalesca, I’m doing one or the other. Or reading Cherry’s writing. There’s the Day Job humiliations. But Thursday pales in comparison to Friday’s news. Poor Gabe. Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs

1280 Days Without B III, Day 721 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 029 ~Virgil, Braxton, Stay Gold~

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Too much time and being lazy, you have a lot of time to watch movies about Gold. I can read about Golds. And in the case of The Outsiders, both. And what about love. Let me get from point A to point B. Cars cost money. But Virgil, Braxton, Stay Gold.

Tuesday, July 30, 2024

Meditation 029 ~Virgil, Braxton, Stay Gold~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But “For the Love of Money,” I remain a traditionalist. A Man Provides. Stay Gold…

We don’t worry so much about our gold anymore. But today, Wednesday, July 24, 2024…

Well, I remember. Tomorrow is going to be a bad day. And we’re talking now because I bet Tuesday will be pretty horrible. And I shouldn’t say this, but you know how I am. Sigh.

Every day without my beloved Braxton Barks is a heavy burden. His absence weighs on me like the Sword of Damocles hanging over my head. I miss his presence, his barking, his warmth. He was a blessing in my life.

Why do you think I fell in love with you, angel…? And those pillows of yours, ha-ha! We have our rug rats. And Virgil’s soft.

I’m trying to be gentler with my head because of my heart… This is my heart, and it’s broken. Ironically, it was the softest thing in the world that broke it. Again, that’s my Braxton.

And I have you, our family, and even Virgil to help put it back together. But the price of all this, love, has been bothering me for the past few days. The sacrifices, the emotional toll, the fear of losing what I hold dear. Gold and existing. Always more gold.

No matter how much I make, I can’t stay here in our bed. I can’t lay my head in my lap forever or hold our kids in mine because they grow up. Braxton did. I always told him he would be as tall as a king someday. Make that a little God who I worship…

I sent my first love straight to Heaven, and now I want to build a Heaven for you, my love. Wow! That didn’t sound creepy at all. But you know what I mean, hopefully. Love?

Things have been so hard, heavy, and, dare I say, human. But I’m a man. And a man must be more when he has such great love, baby doll. I caught this ‘Traditional’ video that resonated with me, emphasizing the importance of love and responsibility.

They say with great power comes great responsibility. With love, you can say the same. It’s why those in my position… usually choose not to love. The price is too much. But love is priceless… I wish I could believe that like Braxton returning, which would be a miracle, or Virgil’s is his reincarnation. Innocent love. Virgil, Braxton, Stay Gold

1276 Days Without B III, Day 717 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 027 ~Braxton Lies Well Virgil~

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What has become my favorite lie? It’s a toss-up. Braxton isn’t gone when I hear Virgil doing whatever, but I can’t see him. And then there’s. Tomorrow will be better. Did you see my schedule this week? But I’ll survive. Braxton Lies Well Virgil.

Sunday, July 28, 2024

Meditation 027 ~Braxton Lies Well Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Do you know why you can’t stand me? Because I open my mouth? Glasses? Getting myself o…

I think you’ll stick to being the MAN that took Braxton’s life. Your son, your best friend, the world. Are you done being sorry for feeling this way after it’s been 1674 days since his trip to the Rainbow Bridge?

And to think Braxton filled me with such courage before bed last night. I was reading Morning Star before turning out the lights. Coincidence? B hasn’t sent music but words:

And as we pretend to be brave, we become so.

Unless you want to die here, sack up and get moving.

Quiet, unremembered moments of cruelty.

Pain’s the universal language.

Pity is not forgiveness, nor is gratitude absolution.

How much better does he understand life than I do? (Morning Star)

You could go on. Braxton knows what you should hear. But me? I’m left again with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Refraction of Mr. Saturn…?
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Braxton was or is easier to talk to. And Virgil? If anything, I’m amazed he lies so well. Do you mean he’s still lying at the foot of the bed? It’s one of the reasons you’re up now. No time for Hana Dorei (Flower Slave), a.k.a Slaves to Passion or Love Wolf Vids. Again, it’s because Virgil is lying here pretending to be someone else.

Braxton? He is his father’s son. Yesterday, as I was spending money I don’t have at the drive-thru, I thought. I’m a terrible liar. But B did it so well. Some of B III’s whoppers:

Daddy, I’m fine

I’m not hungry

We gon’ be alright

Ah! There’s the song for today. And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or Something smaller… Lazy Ass
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

For years, Braxton sat at the feet of the Master, his friend, his father… you fool—and he learned to lie. This reminds me somewhat of Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? Seriously? We’re doing this. Okay, buckle up. We talk about the truth saving us, right? But the truth when it comes to us…

Well, B didn’t want to hear the truth. And why not? Uh… Sickness, Euthanasia, Dying. Today, you sit here not wanting to hear the truth. Why not? Laziness, Inconvenience, Depression. Yeah, I was REALLY depressed last night. What because Virgil was here, and I had to read of space battles instead of artists having dirty… Anyway. Braxton Lies Well, Virgil

1274 Days Without B III, Day 715 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 026 ~The V Games Braxton~

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Have they begun complaining about The Olympics yet? I called myself patriotic, taking the day off to watch the Opening Ceremony twice. It gave me time to catch up on mobile games and anime. What about writing? The V Games Braxton.

Saturday, July 27, 2024

Meditation 026 ~The V Games Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But it isn’t from writing—not yet, at least. And that’s not why I started writing.

At this point of the story, my son Braxton would raise his head. I told him that I was going to give him the life he deserved… WE deserved when I finished, Lunalesca. With editing…

I was writing long before I started singing “Welcome to My World” or “Welcome to the World.” Sigh… Today’s songs are brought to you by Wang Chung and Kevin Rudolf. Lunalesca, remind me to make a playlist of the songs Braxton sends me. Did that.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, my writing. Well, my lack thereof with yesterday. The Olympics have begun. Here are a few reasons why opening my eyes today hurts:

  1. Braxton isn’t here anymore
  2. I look at myself
  3. Losing myself to Yabbos
  4. The Matrix has me…
  5. I see the successful
  6. Look what I’m writing

I’m determined to get back on track, Lady Lunalesca, but…

There’s Too Much Sauce. I woke up late again, ok. And I should be grateful for the hours next week for my Day Job. But look at my typical routine, and It’s A Beautiful Morning:

So I’m sitting here, and as I said, Braxton’s Playlist has included again: Wang Chung, Kevin Rudolf, Drake, DJ ESCO, and The Rascals. B loved music, movies, and big mammaries. Then I was thinking about how I barely got any writing done. The Opening Ceremony. But what I did made me question where the novel is moving towards, Lunalesca. Once I read that a good artist creates, a great artist steals. Uh, that’s rude, maybe…

But sitting here, I was thinking about Thursday. Uh Houkago Ren’ai Club ~Koi no Etude~. Me and Japanese, Lunalesca. Let’s just say Casual Romance Club. I’m trying to pin down the novel type. And there’s Casual Romance Club meets The Blackmail II: The Animation, plus Rei Ayanami all wrapped up in “Sofía’s Nightmare,” Lunalesca. However, as you can see, I began looking at The V Games books by Ker Dukey while searching for something to read. And as always, there are Yabbos. In this case, Elsa’s from Frozen… Uh, gross…

And then I wonder why my business is nowhere. I’m broke. And Braxton is gone. Where’d You Go? Lunalesca, I swear! The V Games Braxton.

1273 Days Without B III, Day 714 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 022 ~B It Yesterday, Virgil~

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What happened to the man she married? She hasn’t met him yet. Or should have met him way before this. Losing B? Depression? Age? I met B III “When We Were Young.” 2V had lost puppy status when we met. But we’re both children. “B It Yesterday, Virgil”

Tuesday, July 23, 2024

Meditation 022 ~B It Yesterday, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And let’s get this out of the way. “Honey, why you calling me so late?

It’s 7:30 AM, so where have I been? Would you rather I say I was with a girl or communing with the spirit world? Definitely the latter. After everything yesterday, I fell asleep with all the lights on. Don’t we tell the kids we aren’t made of money? You don’t compare one kid to another, but they should be like Virgil. He was conked out until about 4:00 AM. That’s when I woke up, turned off the lights, and he went running off… Braxton, of course, appeared in my dreams. And that’s why I’m late. Father and son quality time. I miss my B. My beloved “pet” who passed away.

Always and forever. And I wouldn’t have to if I hadn’t failed B. I just read a book saying that’s not true, but still… Belief

Knowledge is stronger than belief. And here I go with my pop culture shtick. I’ve been watching, reading. And yes, writing about men doing whatever was necessary, sacrificing their comfort and desires, to provide for their families. That’s right.

All to provide, protect, and live their purpose. That’s when it comes to their family. A woman’s place is in the home… That’s yesterday’s thinking. I stand on the principle that a man provides for his family. If I’m somebody’s Pa, father, daddy, whatever. I do what must be done. And I don’t need God or an emperor telling me so. B would expect nothing less.

If only I could be who I was when he was here? Well, somehow, someway, I got you. And when anything good happens. That’s B.

Looking at the bad days, I constantly say I survived the worst. I lost my firstborn son, and I survived. It doesn’t make me stronger, and Virgil can tell you I’m not smarter. But I’m here. I am always here. And that’s not enough, forever. You deserve more, my love.

Inevitably, I open my eyes and see men that do such things with love. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail. But all I know of myself, this father, friend, and fellow you married, is someone who forgets how to put one foot in front of the other. Like following Braxton. And I stopped doing that 1269 days ago. I need to lead our children. I need to walk beside you. Now? B It Yesterday, Virgil.

1269 Days Without B III, Day 710 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

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Last Sunday was better… Did I really just say that? The only Sunday I remember every second of was Sunday, January 31, 2021. And why do I want to relive that one? Braxton’s Last Day. Every day after that is like “The Matrix.” “AI, B, And V”

Sunday, July 21, 2024

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I’m sorry, but I have no hope for your future. An opinion or fact. You’re breathing.

But what’s worse… Say it with me now. Braxton Is Gone! I understand the weight of his absence and its burden on you. Breathing is not just a punishment for you but a reminder of what you’ve lost. And what is mine? It’s the knowledge that I may not have adequately prepared you for the challenges of this new week. Well, yes and no. We’ll get to that soon. Are you feeling Overwhelmed? Weak? Afraid?

What’s this talk about AI? I know it’s been a source of temptation for days. I had a dream about Braxton after I finished making mistakes last week. Or you had a dream. It’s all the same. When did I sleep… That’s not the point.

Anyway, in the dream, you or I were reliving Braxton’s last day before his… Euthanasia. That’s nothing new. January 31 repeats every day. But in the dream, there was a device capable of experiencing it. Repeating like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, yes, I screwed these up for you, back to the device. You think you want to repeat the worst day of your entire existence. The day that B III died. The pain of watching your son die… Again, again!

Yeah, instead of studying artificial intelligence, you learned torture methodology and the different circles of Hell. And if I had focused on the pain last night, I wouldn’t have been in my pants messing around. Queen Complex’s Scooby-Doo Velma is all I will say about that. Some effing Yabbos! And please don’t go looking for pictures or showing them off.

Oh, like your creations or writing? How much of that can you say is yours? The things we find out by accident. AI art and you failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Refraction of Mr. Saturn…?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’ve already failed #6. Do you see what time it is? And #4 started over at midnight. Again, the sweet temptation. So can you go the whole week? I have doubts. One more week is pretty empty. And what are you doing with it? With the one after… well, you’ll have more cash. On Saturday, I spent a little money and didn’t even get anything crucial. And do you know why? Virtual Insanity or something.

There’s a difference between living and existing. Braxton was/is real. Little Virgil is artificial intelligence. Or he might as well be. A little robot. That is, until he’s sick all over the place. And my advice to you. Don’t be one of the dead, artificial, a shadow. Hold space. AI’s easier… AI, B, And V

1267 Days Without B III, Day 708 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 019 ~Virgil’s B In Shop~

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Let’s talk shop. I never took it in school. I took “Math in Society.” As with any other Math class, it was a fail. As for “keeping the books…” I need to keep V from dying, like his predecessor. And the house? I’m the one breaking. Virgil’s B In Shop.

Saturday, July 20, 2024

Meditation 019 ~Virgil’s B In Shop~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Which means I can pay people to do… I don’t know, whatever. Resurrection, Repair, and Rough…

Better to keep that thought to myself and talk about Braxton. AGAIN!? Always and forever. But the tears in my eyes aren’t for him at the moment. I’m tired, Lunalesca. It’s Saturday at 5:30 AM, and I haven’t showered or shaved. What about the novel?

Braxton’s two novels are sitting around here someplace. And there’s “Sofía’s Nightmare” to work on… But instead, I’m recapping Succubus Lord 2. It is as if I’m retelling some sweet little fairytale. To think, two years ago, “my” fairytales included a resurrection. Or rather, the reincarnation of my son. And then finding Virgil. Lunalesca, neither Braxton nor Virgil look a thing like Jesus. But I’m not shopping for the spirit, something to stay awake. And then something to do with a nice pair of yabbos.

Should I even get a girl over? There are so many things here that need fixing. And other than a lightbulb… Yeah, I’m useless. Speaking of which, I need another lightbulb for the kitchen. And that’s after replacing the one above the stairs. No, I don’t fear death, Lady Lunalesca. If it gets me a step closer to my boy. But to leave V behind… And what about turning forty? It’s part of my routine. Something I can’t fix inside my head. And my heart?

Inquire about my life goals. And short of bringing Braxton back, it would be to never leave this bed again. But would you look at the time? It’s time to learn… “To Be A Man.”

Careless Whisper is today’s song…

Well, Lady Lu, it was the first song that came to mind. To think. I can groove to such songs as Careless Whisper, Moondust, and My Love. Yet as I keep making my shopping list: my son’s life, lightbulbs, and add to it getting blown like Careless Whisper’s Saxophone. Ok.

So, ideas and suggestions. How about ones that don’t have to do about the story I’m writing? Will I even get to any of that today? Yesterday, I bought Cherry’s short story. But, of course, I had less than honorable intentions there. And for a dollar. Oh, and I was shopping around on OnlyFans, too. I cried. Took a ten-minute catnap. And tried not to co… Anyway. Virgil’s the only one who is “fixed” around here. Virgil’s B In Shop

1266 Days Without B III, Day 707 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 015 ~B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil~

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I just want to go to sleep. Waking up? Eww! And bedtime… whenever that is. It’s awesome. But everything in the middle sucks. Missing my boy. Messing up manuscripts. And checking out the mountains. When B wasn’t around. B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil.

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

Meditation 015 ~B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? My love for you is deep and unwavering, my Dear. I hope you always feel that. But love, as they say, is a journey. And sometimes, I worry that I’m not moving fast enough on this road of love. Is that my roundabout way of saying why I’m late today?

Better me than you, right? I love all our children, my Dear. And I know you do, too. Virgil is still with us. And I don’t plan on giving him up… ever. But as far as looking for a dozen…

I am not. Now, fifteen is my favorite number… And there it goes. I find myself constantly drawn back to my firstborn son. My Little Braxton. When he left “me,” B III was fifteen, on the brink of his sweet sixteen. It’s a pain that never truly goes away. I miss him every single day, Baby Girl. Always and forever.

THEY say never go to bed angry. I come to bed hot, hard, and pretty hurriedly. The first two are for you. But I do love my sleep. And sometimes, I don’t dream about Braxton.

Braxton doesn’t belong here anymore…

What I mean is this? My son has a lot of comfy spots. A box on the nightstand. The Rainbow Bridge? There’s the place in my dreams. You know, the big fluffy mattress surrounded by food, with one open side so he can run out into the sunlight and play. The last? There’s the dream of him on the beach with us. You and me, we have three two-legged legged-kids and two four-legged-kids. Five kids total. But I keep looking at Virgil. And I think.

I should stop thinking in bed. This is a place of rest. But today, I was late because I was busy writing here. This got me thinking about everything I shouldn’t be doing in bed. Yet, here I am, love.

Crying? Once a man has a family, he shouldn’t cry in bed. I would save it for the car. But where exactly am I going this week? And what about crying in one of the chairs downstairs? Don’t cry to give up. Cry to keep going. That’s from Eric Thomas.

Motivations? It doesn’t help to listen to them while sitting in bed. I should go back to listening to Bikini Days from Audible. Oh! That’s another thing. I shouldn’t be spending money in bed. Not when I have you, Baby Doll, saying, Oh my God! Was that a joke? Anyway, I don’t kneel on the floor beside our bed either… praying? God didn’t save Braxton.

Depression? Dreams? Ding Dong. Lost to B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil.

1262 Days Without B III, Day 703 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

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Start your day off with “GRATITUDE.” I get this for cutting the grass while listening to motivational speeches. I’m sure Virgil is grateful. I’m thankful for my son’s life. Not so much for a Fake President. Real, Fake? Close? Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, if you’re looking for gratitude. (Frustrating Growl) You got up and wrote two hundred words… Enough?

I swear, it’s days like today… It’s only 7:30 AM. Yesterday? Existence is something else.

You know, now would be a good time to say something! Anything! Braxton’s gone. And Virgil is waiting for his outside time. Anytime now. Well? Speaking of which, you’re late.

If only Braxton were here. Sigh. You wanted to get started at 6:30 AM. But something came up. Oh yeah, that was me last night with all of the madness. Say it with me now. This Is America! Can you blame me for seeking comfort in a maid’s “dirty pillows?”

However, I’m not going to lie about it. And the fact that you’re willing to face the truth about it? With everything you have to face and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, so I’ll get the ball rolling or balls. Again, I do apologize for last night. “I’m just a sucker for pain.” However, how do we get from a presidential candidate nearly getting his? To me, looking at beautiful maids, I’ll never know. Again, I’m grateful for the truth. I’m thankful for my memories of my son. So? Your turn. Like me, you are eternally for being Braxton’s Dad for fifteen years. And yesterday marks 700 days since meeting Virgil.

Today, Virgil Vivi can bark, “Yeah, yeah, I, oh, I’m still alive.” Are you still thinking about the Fake President almost biting it? You know he’s going to be all, “Many Men wish death upon me.” You? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You actually care to try and put your existence back together. How about the fact that you feel wrong about some… well, most of the things you write down? Eww! You only got out a solid 200 words this morning. And that wasn’t enough for the critics or any feedback.

But if what I gave them yesterday was any indication? And you do know better. Conscience? You could also be hungry with that knot in your stomach. Only that leads you to more gratitude. As THEY say, once you feel there is much to be grateful for, you’ll find more. Anyway, there’s the fact that I wasted money on Audible buying the book “Bikini Days.” And you have one more pet loss book. Seriously! Braxton’s life. Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

1260 Days Without B III, Day 701 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 012 ~B’s Written Up Virgil~

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How many times has V seen me write at the table or read on the couch? It’s a beautiful morning. What am I doing? I’m sitting in bed writing about a son I can’t see again… Bosoms, I want to. And making some bucks writing. NOT! “B’s Written Up Virgil.”

Saturday, July 13, 2024

Meditation 012 ~B’s Written Up Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Well, not with how I’ve been existing, trying, and writing. But yes, Lady Lunalesca, I’ve written.

And so you ask me, “Honey, why you calling me so late?” It’s 7:30 in the morning. And I was up at 5:00… okay, a little earlier. I’ll admit that. You know Braxton comes first in my existence. And I’m still not jazzed that I had to wake up. I mean, at all. Existing, Lunalesca…

It’s like blondes vs brunettes, a pawnshop romp to a model being art herself. (Drools).

You’re asking if that is all I think about. My boys, making some bucks, and a girl’s boo… Yabbos. It worked for one of my idols, Lady Lunalesca. So… “Let me get what I want,
This time.” Please excuse me, Lunalesca. I get pretty musical when I’m holding the pen. Metaphorically speaking. Or holding Braxton.

My head is a weird place, for example. Being the defender of books that I am. But knowing that anything I write … will get me written up. I’m sure there are plenty of files from college to the can I sat in for about a week. To be young again, dear Lady Lunalesca. Only I’d go to big boy jail if I wrote like that again, Lunalesca. Dangerous words… All those that could be misinterpreted or used against me. I’m my worst enemy, Lu.

Braxton, Braxton, and more Braxton. Wanting to join my little boy who traveled to The Rainbow Bridge. Tell me, Lunalesca, which of these you prefer: “Feeling super, super, super suicidal.” Or “I want to join my Braxton.” They mean the same thing to me, Luna.

You see the two women above. But what if I wanted to compare a 20-something English writer representing my youthful aspirations to a 30-something Latina, who symbolizes my current reality? Is that deep? I still like them both. Hence my story. I swear AI will inevitably end us, Lady Lunalesca.

If I stayed in college, I would have learned how to create myself, Lunalesca. Perhaps.

Unfortunately, all I can do is write. Not to my Olds. You want to add words to my scary word list. Getting a text that reads “You Home?” And what about my friends, Lu? Uh…

Well, Braxton’s Aunt is engaged… again. I don’t need to bother her. With Cherry… talk about the right words. And M Anime? Well, after her nightmare, my writing and critics:

“The part that resonated with me the most was the theme of bodies being twisted and used for sale and objectification. It is a powerful and important topic to explore in literature.”

“I thought the theme was about the objectification and exploitation of women’s bodies, specifically in the sex industry. The use of metaphors and imagery such as “bodies twisted” and “retail therapy” suggest a darker and more sinister side to the sex industry, where women’s bodies are bought and sold for profit.”

“The use of words like “twisted” and “sale” suggest a dehumanizing and transactional view of intimacy and sexuality. It also touches on issues of power dynamics and societal expectations placed on women.”

I’m surprised I’m free to say or write anything for now. This Is America. I’m a writer. Uh, my Day Job? B’s Written Up Virgil.

1259 Days Without B III, Day 700 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will