Tag: Tears

Meditation 172 ~Virgil, There’ll B Christmas~

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Any GOOD Christmas stories? I’m not trying to be an ungrateful SOB. My Olds are upper middle class. But when I think of Christmas… I’ve watched A Christmas Story with B. Chinese with his Aunt, Pokémon Stadium from my Ma. Virgil, There’ll B Christmas.

Friday, December 20, 2024

Meditation 172 ~Virgil, There’ll B Christmas~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… A Christmas Story? Nah. That’s one more tradition trashed. And I can’t even blame Trump there.

You know how they once played the movie for twenty-four hours straight. Do they still?

Anyway. I will blame MAGA for not getting my Christmas FREEK on. What there was romance in Brave New World. And Winston and Julia in 1984. And what about today…

More Books! More Books! And not Christmas gifts? What about proper food? I said that? When I’m still trying to get M Anime to take off her clothes. Albeit with a bit more subtlety. And what about presents for my boys? What about Braxton’s Aunt, Cherry, and M Anime anyway? And where would I get these gifts from without being a sell-out, Lady So? Walmart, Amazon, big corporations, and the smallest places are all decked out for Christmas, Lady Sophia.

What about myself? We were supposed to be talking at 4:00 AM, but here we are at 7:50 AM. It didn’t help that around 6:30 AM, the most Christmasy thing I did was EDGING for girls in their Christmas finery. Or at least wearing red. I didn’t white it out.

Actually, black or BLACKED is my current kink at the moment. But I’m not spending any money on it, thankfully. And I’m trying to stay away from Onlyfans. And as far as my Wish List? I’ll save that for tomorrow. That is if I remember. I’m forgetting yesterday’s humiliations still. The Day Job, which I hate and apparently can’t do either. And I’m still ashamed. But having balls, reading books, and the boy I lost…

No! None of those are Christmas stories, Lady Sophia. And honestly, Sophia, besides reading dystopian fiction and my ever-draining bank account, I’ve been going over M Anime’s messages. Audio, since she had a work accident. And fantasizing over Cherry’s words.

I swear that woman could get more money out of me than my Old Man did. Ten dollars for an Amazon raffle. And I don’t expect Wednesday to be much fun. But I won’t starve.

Then again, who knows. Because instead of telling you my desires, I have to pick and choose what we’ll have in the fridge and the pantry before then. Sixty simoleons. It’s a bit tight, and I could use some support.

Whatever! If I’m lucky. And seeing as how my Old Man called… I’ll still be alive? Virgil, There’ll B Christmas.

1419 Days Without B III, Day 860 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 171 ~Virgil’s Booking Pain Braxton~

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I haven’t read the books I wrote for or with my son in ages. And the book I’m reading now… It’s going to hurt. I’m preparing for the U.S.A. next year. Remember, Winston was thirty-nine, and I’m forty. No B III, no Julia. Virgil’s Booking Pain Braxton

Thursday, December 19, 2024

Meditation 171 ~Virgil’s Booking Pain Braxton~

1418 Days Without B III, Day 859 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how I’m sitting in bed on Wednesday evening. And I’m still counting scars…

Well, different forms of PAIN anyway. Earlier this week, I discussed having a headache, bum ear, and aching leg. You can add a stomachache to the mix. Whether that’s from letting you down, thinking about tomorrow/today, or 1984… It’s all a mess, Braxton. The usual.

But it sucks even more when you know what’s going to happen. Only packing the car with your things hurts more than Winston and Julia being arrested by the Thought Police. That scene… I’m getting into George Orwell’s novel, huh? If I were, I wouldn’t be tearing up today. As always, Braxton, whenever something gets me upset, I think of the worst day of our “lives,” and here I am, still alive. But who knows what horrors tomorrow will bring.

If I were smart, I’d get the Winston and Julia arrest out of the way and focus on the Ministry of Love. It would prepare me for the Day Job. And if only I would publish one of our novels already. Tuesday, M Anime messaged me about, Nightmare At The Meat Market. I was so dedicated to it back in November. And how many stories did you watch me write that amounted to nothing? I last sat at the Dining Room table a few weeks ago. Or even sitting in the recliner reading while listening to some 1984 Ambience, B III. Again, I’ve been reading worse things. The bank account, pill bottles, and a grocery list. I swear that scares me more than my writing.

But what about Virgil’s story. Talk about the Ministry of Love. He comes scrambling out of your room like he’s seen a ghost… Did I say that, Braxton? You haven’t been haunting him as he’s desperate to get in here with me. If he knew how to use training pads.

You’ve seen that he does, but he won’t step into your spot, which brings us back to money and what I should be buying. No, not more dystopian books. Christmas, Harems, Pet Loss, Training, everything under the sun. Like me sleeping at noon every day? What about how to be a better parent? And you’re a Big Brother, aren’t you? But we are the dead.

Not me, but being so brokenhearted. Virgil’s Booking Pain Braxton

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 170 ~There’ll B Suffering B~

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I don’t think I ever told Braxton he was dying. Just that I love him. I never promised Virgil a happy life. And how many women have I ghosted on OnlyFans? What? I ain’t got no money! Only hurting myself or somebody’s pockets. “There’ll B Suffering B”

Wednesday, December 18, 2024

Meditation 170 ~There’ll B Suffering B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And no, I’m not talking about sending explicit pics on OnlyFans. Eww! But we’ll get to that soon.

Today, you know what grinds my gears? PAIN. I’m in a little less PAIN than I was yesterday. And tomorrow? You know me, Inspector. Every time I fall asleep, my Christmas wish is I don’t have to wake up. I should work on my Christmas List on Saturday or Tuesday. If I can remember to do so. All I’m trying to remember now are the days without PAIN. And in Part II, Chapter IX, the place where Winston Smith and Julia are finally captured? Eff!

Gird Your Loins! Better yet, keep them in your pants. These days will be painful.

Inspector, nothing is as painful as losing Braxton. Or leaving Virgil alone wherever he is. Braxton’s gone, and I’m sure Virgil has his own aches and pains. I apologize, Inspector.

Only I’ll be doing that always and forever. When it comes to my boys. Sons? “As long as I’m alive, I’ll be carrying your name,” Braxton. That makes me more of a jerk, doesn’t it?

The whole “I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore.” But who could ever love me, Inspector? Well, besides Braxton. Inspector, I’m not going down the loneliness track.

Today, I was only thinking about men being alone… Not like that Echo. There’s Yabbos

Do you remember, girl? Michael Jackson, ha-ha! Anyway, I was compiling a list of men who were all imprisoned and ended up alone from different movies and shows, my dear.

  1. Joe Stevens
  2. Bingham Madsen
  3. #000000014
  4. Clarence
  5. Bernard Marx
  6. Savage a.k.a. John
  7. Winston Smith
  8. Jeffrey (A Different Alchemy)

All these men had families or at least women they left alone. They were all imprisoned in one way or another. Three of them passed… Crucifixion, Hanging, Gunshot. You get bonus points if you can tell me who. Anyway, I thought of what I said to Dear Future Wife yesterday about how I’m a sadist. And yet, in the end, I admire the masochist Echo.

I’m a mothereffin’ starboy. I’m more like a Switch. Happy Go Lucky Me. I’ll get off on people’s PAIN easily, but then there’s my PAIN. B III and 2 V are too much. And after…

I should add my voice to the choir. Sins, Screams, Silence… There’ll B Suffering B

1417 Days Without B III, Day 858 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 166 ~Braxton And Virgil Happily~

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Everyone was supposed to be happy in the book “Brave New World.” And nobody is in 1984. Hell! I haven’t even opened the book, but I remember the words, “We are the dead.” No, that would be my son. And V has no balls. Still, Braxton And Virgil Happily

Saturday, December 14, 2024

Meditation 166 ~Braxton And Virgil Happily~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Would it make me happy if it were true? I don’t remember when I gave up….

The Dream: Happily Ever After

If it didn’t insult my son’s memory, I would ask for INDIFFERENCE. How Braxton Ended… It was INDIFFERENCE that took my son from me. I didn’t want to feel anything.

Because all I had during the last week of his life was anger, humiliation, and worry. And in trying to protect him, I ignored him, and then… Don’t I sound like I’ve been reading another tome on Pet Loss. Cherry and I had a brief conversation on book counts. I would rather be discussing body counts. Counting her as one of mine, but I digress. And also, can I stop being a creep. Anyway… I’ve read about eight books on Pet Loss, Dear Lady Lunalesca.

Were people happy or accepting?

This is one more year I’ve been neither. I won’t accept it. Hell! I gave up Madam Justice to allow my son to speak through me in the FIRSTBORN series. Or so I hope… Do you remember the tale, Down a Dark Hall by Lois Duncan? Something like that, Lunalesca.

And again, the word, happy. Like Love and Happiness. It’s like using the n-word in a song. It may sound good, but you know it’s wrong in the end. So am I saying music doesn’t make me happy? It makes me feel. And the problem is what I’ve been feeling.

Lady Lunalesca, at the moment, I’ve been feeling pain and tired despite pills and energy shots. And there’s my ear, too. I swear, Lady Lunalesca.

Despite all that, I Have A Dream. Less Dr. King, more Bing Madsen. The critic has been talking about my use of Pop Culture. And I am a Pop Culture Wh-re. Anyway, speaking of Bing, I mean when he was head over heels in love with Abi. My dream last night was all about Amy Jo Johnson, aka Kimberly. And my dreams before were all about Disney Princesses. Didn’t the princesses all get their Happily Ever Afters? But Kimberly didn’t.

I mean, not with Tommy. I’m always trying to make sense of my dreams. And here I go, reading another story about a young woman who’s no Disney princess. First, Lenina and now Julia. The future sucks. But leaving my boys Braxton And Virgil Happily…

1413 Days Without B III, Day 854 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 165 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What~

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I noticed Kindle kept track of my reading on September 6, 2020. According to them, I read 23 books. B III didn’t live to see the following September. But I have a feeling he’s still here. I need to clean up my reading. Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What.

Friday, December 13, 2024

Meditation 165 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I was asleep, the end. It’s 9:30 AM. So far, I’ve read clocks and bank statements.

Is this how Braxton felt anytime I started reading anything at all? My little Gaston.

No, Sophia, that wasn’t one of Braxton’s nicknames. But I did have a wild night of sleep, dreaming of Disney Princesses and OTHERS. I know, Eww! My dreams are making up for my lack of Christmas Romances this year. Though Brave New World has a bit of bedroom action… I can’t say I wouldn’t have behaved as Bernard did. And John not having Lenina… Sophia, I was going to say something, awfully MAGA. Again, Eww!

And that’s why I’m on this dystopian shtick. Is it any better than reading romances?

That’s one more reason I’m late this morning. A picture is worth a thousand words. Violet Myers and Bang Bros.

Sophia, I swear M Anime told me a dream she had about wearing one of these Oktoberfest outfits. But when Violet did it, they called it Oktoberbreasts. And to think I’ll never make it as a writer. Eric Vall, Logan Jacobs, Michael Dalton, Jack Pinkhunter…

Sophia, when I’m not looking at existence as a musical or a rock opera, it’s some HARDCORE movie, if you catch my drift. Or it’s my personal Hell. Everything hurts.

Honestly… I don’t know what that lady’s sign read; I was too busy thinking like some skeevy director or writer. And didn’t I read the grocery bill yesterday? Real food…

Whatever. As long as Virgil ain’t starving. I should read a book on dog training. But Braxton didn’t need one.

A newspaper to the behind… Those were dark days, Lady Sophia. So’s my reading list.

I need to finish Brave New World today. Depending on who you ask, Kindle vs Goodreads, I’ve completed 52 books this year. And I’m about to waste even more money.

What comes next, Lady Sophia? I WANT to read Satan’s Sorority Girls 8 and Ryan and His Beauties 2. I wish I could lean into tradition for Christmas. But again, I’m reading about the world I have to look forward to. 1984, Fahrenheit 451, It Can’t Happen Here, and others. And what of my writing? It’s been a struggle, and I feel like I’ve wasted another twenty-nine dollars. So yeah

Inevitably, I’ll be broke if my Old Man keeps texting. I see why dogs don’t read. Virgil, Braxton’s Reading What

“For in much wisdom is much grief, and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” Ecclesiastes

1412 Days Without B III, Day 853 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 164 ~Braxton, Try WARMING Virgil~

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Global Warming, Climate Change… I haven’t worn a coat because I’m always angry at people. Or I’m humiliated. I should erase my browser history, etc.… I’m always taking the heat. And with what happened to my son. Braxton, Try WARMING Virgil.

Thursday, December 12, 2024

Meditation 164 ~Braxton, Try WARMING Virgil~

1411 Days Without B III, Day 852 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How many days did I come back burning up? Angry? Humiliated? Sick? Far too many…

And today? Well, your Dad’s no chef. I’m still burning money, paper, and sheets, Braxton.

I hope you weren’t watching that. And what about Virgil? He’s trying to get warm. All by his lonesome. And I’m crying, so I best not go outside lest my tears freeze. It’d be practice.

Do you know which is the coldest Circle in Hell? The Ninth Circle. That’s Treachery. Again, my boy, anytime I’m having a hard time, I remember what I have survived… I lost you, Braxton. It makes everything else pale in comparison. So because the Day Job burned me up, I could go for some tears. But what brought them on. A Dog’s Purpose, B III. Braxton, I’m not reading it… Again, I mean. Or watching.

At least if you were here, I wouldn’t feel as bad about burning daylight. Wasting my time. It’s so much better writing a novel about four individuals trying to set the world on fire. That’s one thing about never getting published. I won’t allow someone to burn my book. I should be so lucky. To earn a paycheck for doing something that I… Love, Braxton.

That’s one more thing that burns me up. My jealousy while watching all these dog channels. And watching these families become rich and famous. I hid you from the world.

However, I take a picture of Virgil every day. He feels the sunshine, sleeps in soft sheets, and stays warm… for now. Yet he wonders why I’m always so cold.

When I’m getting hot over every woman who’s not even close to being your stepmother. When I’m stewing over every mistake. When I know I’m cooked. And I can’t do anything to save myself or Virgil. I told myself at the Day Job that I thought your purpose was to get me into Heaven. If God smiled down on me for anything, it would be because I was your Daddy. Heaven’s Light in comparison to Hellfire. Yet, Virgil’s thriving, somehow.

He has to guide me through the Inferno. But where am I now? In some story awaiting the fire? Melting away on the floor? Sweating over some girl’s picture? Daylight is a wastin’ Braxton. And when the sun rises once more… Braxton, Try WARMING Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 163 ~Braxton’s No Chef Virgil~

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I’ve led Virgil to food and water, but he’s not sick… Um, maybe in the head because he wants to eat on a pillow. And where do I take my meals? In bed? But the last good one was on the couch eating Chinese with Braxton’s Aunt. Braxton’s No Chef Virgil

Wednesday, December 11, 2024

Meditation 163 ~Braxton’s No Chef Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I am currently starring in Mommie Dearest or Daddy Dude. Not that I’ve published a book, Inspector Echo.

I’m writing again on a drizzly Monday afternoon from bed. I can’t afford laziness.

The Day Job is calling this week. Aren’t I blessed? Shouldn’t I show some GRATITUDE?

When was it again that those two young brothers got fired? A week or so ago. How could I forget? I’ll tell you how. I’m reeling over the five dollars I paid on Onlyfans. Wasted!

Inspector Echo, I have to say so. Considering that I’ve now failed five out of six Impossible Things. And yes, it’s only Monday, December 9, 2024. Um, Brave New World?

I’m still reading Aldous Huxley’s novel. If memory serves, SPOILER ALERT: we’re getting to that part where Bernard Marx introduces John to his father. It saves Bernard from the DHC.

Yes, Inspector, I’ve read the story before. When my father turned me on to Animal Farm and 1984. And I wish I could say that I’m spending all my cash on books and that’s why…

GASP! I’m not eating. Feed your head, as the song goes. And before “your” madness… I’ve got around five thousand in the bank. I got another grand over PayPal way…

President EWW Donald Trump won’t be helping me. But let’s talk about here and now. As always, I want my son back. Money won’t bring Braxton back from the dead. I’d like a medium-rare steak for dinner tonight. But Hank Hill don’t pay my bills, Inspector. I want Satan’s Sorority Girls 8. But what’s most important. Virgil is not eating!

I’ve been here before, haven’t I? Inspector, if I went to Braxton’s Room/My Library/Virgil’s Room and pushed his pillow in front of the food and water… Yes, Virgil would eat. And I don’t know why. But I refuse. Virgil’s been in the room all day, Inspector.

Several times, I have guided him to the bowls, and what’s that saying… You can lead a horse to water or a dog. Do I need to be paying his vet bills when, again, I have nothing but a boy with a full bowl while I subsist on sixty-second pasta and shredded chicken for fajitas?

Virgil will eat his treats, and I swear Braxton was spoiled until the very end. What will it take, Daddy Dude? Braxton’s No Chef Virgil

“You pays your money and you takes your choice” ― Brave New World, Aldous Huxley

1410 Days Without B III, Day 851 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 159 ~Braxton Is History Virgil~

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I’ve been watching 1984 Lore and reading Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. Amazon is telling me it’s my history to read Christmas Erotica. Did you see our next president? Braxton isn’t here to help me survive this next term. Braxton Is History Virgil.

Saturday, December 7, 2024

Meditation 159 ~Braxton Is History Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Does that mean I’m becoming more like MAGA? When I’m down, I think of my Braxton.

I’ve had my share of struggles, including moments of self-harm, largely influenced by my father. But the most intense period of me existing was when Braxton ‘passed away.’ The desire to leave because of my father was in stark contrast to the need to stay for my son. It’s ironic.

Stupidity? At the end of the day, I’m better than MAGA. Do you know why? I know my history. And yes, sometimes it sucked. Some parts make me sick. And yes, sometimes I was the skeevy one… Do you remember why I even started this blog? To share? My madness…

Lunalesca, if I recall, I was mad at some skinny brunette or trying to get her pants, whatever. It’s history. And that’s what I’ve been doing lately, studying history. Before…

The United States of America is history. Yes, I know what today is, Pearl Harbor. But more to the point, I’ve been reviewing the book, 1984. My father got me to read that, Lady Lu.

So it wasn’t all bad? The past. You wouldn’t know that from history. We’re not allowed to celebrate the triumphs that came from the tragedies. It’s like everything was perfect as long as a group of people lived in perpetual turmoil and terror of another group of people, Lunalesca. And it’s like one of my history teachers would spout relentlessly:

“History is Written by the Victors.” ― Winston Churchill? Unknown

And I always wanted to say history is written by the survivors, the breathing Lunalesca. Somehow. Someway, the truth would get out. And now I see it torn apart, Lunalesca.

History is written by the sword. It’s just another way of saying by the victor. And maybe that’s what my dream meant last night. I saw Zorro fighting Captain Love. But I couldn’t see their swords. They went back and forth, swinging their hands to and fro. But for not.

So what was the dream telling me? It was set in the past, and there was no way to move on to the future except to run the enemy through. Run away, escape. Or run into the enemy, and then what? End up with my hand in a jar. My head in another. Being history.

Only after I tell Braxton’s story. Braxton passed. Virgil’s present. And my future… I’m the victor. Braxton Is History Virgil

1406 Days Without B III, Day 847 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 158 ~B’s Reading Room Virgil~

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I don’t think I read anything besides the Day Job schedule today. At least I still have one in comparison to the two brothers I know. The lady said get to work. They didn’t read the room. Rooms come and go like some books, ha… B’s Reading Room Virgil

Friday, December 6, 2024

Meditation 158 ~B’s Reading Room Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But I’m not in My Library/Braxton’s Room. I still prefer a Study to a Man Cave.

The Den is a room I haven’t seen in a while. Speaking of being in the wrong room one day…

The Day Job Training Room:
So I’m sitting, well, training… Weekly Wins and Ads, etc. I was also writing a list of signs one of the managers wanted to make. So, the manager came into the office without realizing I was in the training room. She and a few others talked about firing a couple of “brothers” for… not working. Lady Sophia, I was there when she warned them about it. So I can’t blame her for it. But still, I can’t help but feel sorry for my fellow black men. Their removal wasn’t racist or rushed. They didn’t read the room. My people, Sophia…

“Are you illiterate, n-word? You can’t read between the lines?

But what is this bedroom telling me? Receipts, tags that shouldn’t be removed, and my morning cappuccino isn’t as rejuvenating as I hoped it would be. Rich and flavorful, Ha.

Rich Men Make Room For:
More Money! More Money! Because I want to be part of the problem. If I had my way, Lady Sophia, I would be the whole problem. Why? I Wanna Be Rich. How about not starving? Didn’t I say something about that yesterday? But that’s because I’m broke. How about now? This isn’t boycotting Chick-fil-A because of the LGBTQ community, Sophia.

I’m not supposed to shop at Walmart because of their stance on DEI. I support DEI. I should cancel my Amazon subscription. I need to leave X/Twitter. Read the room.

Lady Sophia, it would beat reading the rap sheet. It turns out the criminals I know aren’t so smooth. I read about one group of criminals: Trump, Musk, MAGA, Racists… It’s a reflection of our society. Isn’t it? We’re doomed.

Inevitable that the ones who do crime, not in “plain sight,” would get theirs’s someday.

Room For One More Online:
Let’s just say I’m glad I learned a bit about Crypto. I use a fake email. And I should really start using a VPN for more than just P***hub. I’m not defending the criminals. But like anyone from MAGA, I’ll willingly ignore the dignity of others, wallow in degradation, and be disgusting if it justifies my deep depravity. I spent hours writing a book on much worse. But publishing such for B’s Reading Room Virgil.

1405 Days Without B III, Day 846 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 157 ~B’s Are Unfortunate Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

How can one be so unfortunate? The death of a child. Wow! That’s dark. And Braxton was grown… in dog years. But I’m forty, scared to death (I wish) that my father is going to beat my ass for failing math. Am I out of bucks? B’s Are Unfortunate Virgil

Thursday, December 5, 2024

Meditation 157 ~B’s Are Unfortunate Virgil~

1404 Days Without B III, Day 845 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Judging by how late I am today… Even on a relatively good day. Three hours?

Only if I had used those hours on… I don’t know. One of “my” novels that doesn’t offend everyone. Or doing something on camera that offends everyone, and I hope you didn’t see. Yeah. And I could have stuck around at the Day Job to make more money. Virgil, B.

He’s not going to save himself. But then again, I couldn’t save you either. And most days, I don’t even want to save myself. For what? The highlights of my day were only having three hours at the Day Job. There was the McRib sandwich. And that was only because I couldn’t afford a Big Mac Meal. And then there was the nap I took that brings us to now.

How long is a nap?

Well, you’ve gone for The Big Sleep, took The Long Walk, went on The Last Ride. And as usual, I wish I could be right there with you. What? Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed? It’s the fact that I woke up yet again. Unfortunate, isn’t it Braxton for Virgil?

Positivity. That Braxton, I leave to you. At present, I feel like that D student I was in summer school, knowing that it was enough to not have your grandpa beating my behind yet again. At worst, I’m Winston Smith from 1984, facing the mirror and being told I’m the last man. But as always, I remain your daddy. So how dare I dream of harming myself, hatred, and horniness…

That reminds me of when I was coming back. I was listening to my Spotify Wrapped 2024. And of all the songs that made this list, this is how I know you’re talking to me, B. Suddenly, I thought about It’s My Turn To Fly by The Urge. And call it coincidence (the urge). Ha-ha, I hear that song, Fat Bottomed Girls. I’m more for Yabbos… But Baby Got Back

It’s my turn to fly
I’m proving ground tonight
Try to be the best that I can
Grown to be a man
Only human can understand
I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!
It’s My Turn To Fly

Hey, listen here
Now, I got mortgages on homes
I got stiffness in my bones
Ain’t no beauty queens in this locality, I tell you
Oh, but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Hey, big woman, you gonna make a big man of me
Now get this
Fat Bottomed Girls, Queen

Anyway, my point is I need a reason to… exist. And again, getting up on the wrong side of the bed. On one side, there’s your grave, B. On the other, the business of existence.

Braxton, I’d have more bucks, babes, and beds if only I had done better. And you… B’s Are Unfortunate Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad