Tag: Loss

Journey 043 ~B’s Sense Wins Virgil~

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The only real doctors I see annually are my Eye Doc and V’s vet, formerly B’s. And I see on this day, Saturday, August 13, 2022, I became a father to my secondborn. Virgil Vivi Bradford (Archie) aka 2-V. Yet nothing makes sense. B’s Sense Wins Virgil

Wednesday, August 13, 2025

Journey 043 ~B’s Sense Wins Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I got Virgil. Adopted, Rescued, Saved. That’s not a sin, though. No, the sin is I’m stuck here.

Inspector, I have so many sins. I “published” Braxton’s book “My Turn To B III.” X/Twitter has been reminding me more than Amazon. And that’s not reason enough for me to stay. To honor my firstborn son? It took an effing Carpenter Ant Invasion, Echo.

How many days have I been sitting at the Dining Room table losing this conflict?

Inspector, M Anime’s Birthday is coming up, and I have no money to get her anything. “I Got Nothing But Love For You Baby” The Carpenter Ant War, Inspector. Eff Me! And Eff MAGA and FDT! When was the last time I had a decent paycheck? Run to father? Eff!

Inspector, I’m a Dad, and today is Virgil’s Gotcha Day. So what did he get?

A dead man. We are The Walking Dead. And if Virgil wasn’t here? Touch, sight, taste, and sound. “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Inspector, considering my age, “it all was bullshi*t.”

You have FEAR to thank for that, Inspector. Do you remember what Four told Tris:

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.”
Divergent

Exactly Inspector. It’s what I wanted to explain to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, a few days ago. I’m up all night because besides her impressive Yabbos. FEAR.

I’m exhausted. I smell the chemicals in the air of all the poisons I’ve been using in the battles. Virgil could use a bath. I can spot an effing ant from yards away or a cracking foundation. I’m washing my hands. Can’t taste my food because of my stomach. Silence

How do I explain that to M Anime? B was telling me today, Monday, August 11, 2025, how I’m going mad. Duh! I believe my dead fur buddy is talking to me beyond the grave.

“And even though you passed. Going on four long years. Still waking up late at night, crying tears.” I shouldn’t be singing R. Kelly, but it’s true, Inspector. Terrified, Mourning.

M Anime can ask the simplest thing: How are you? How was your day? And I told her I could lie. Say I’m fine. That’s what men do, right? Because saying I’m Afraid today and tomorrow makes no sense. But being with her makes sense. Being with Braxton did. Being good to Virgil does. Loving myself? B’s Sense Wins Virgil.

“Inside of me
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
I’m only a man lookin’ for a dream
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hoo, hoo, hoo
It’s not easy to be me.”
Five For Fighting

1655 Days Without B III, Day 1096 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 039 ~Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil~

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“We are fighting a war. Our enemy is not human. And we are losing.” If I could tell my past self that, would I give up the nearly 16 years I had with B III? I didn’t learn his bravery or pass it on to his brother, 2-V. “Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil.”

Saturday, August 9, 2025

Journey 039 ~Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And if I were a MAGA Cracker Hat as well… What I’d do? Fumigate, Fornicate, Fail

Honestly, I don’t need a billion dollars for any of that. I failed my boy. I failed Braxton, Lunalesca. And what about his little brother Virgil? Another morning sleeping, Luna.

When it comes to fornicating? Well, Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, isn’t here yet. But I got caught up with Margaret Qualley in the film Sanctuary this morning.

“When I tell you. Not before. You’re gonna come inside me. But I want to tell you something first. I have an app on my phone, and it tells me when I’m ovulating. I’m ovulating right now. And when I tell you to come, you’re gonna come inside me. You’re gonna do it, and you’re gonna make me pregnant. And I’m gonna have the baby.”
Rebecca, Margaret Qualley, “Sanctuary” (2022)

Would M Anime ever say such a thing? To a man like me, that’s good for nothing that I can’t even capitalize on this moment. The thing that brings us together today, my dear Lu.

Fumigation? One more thing I’m failing at. It’s what had me rushing just minutes ago.

Last week, I told you what STUPID was. Today, let’s focus on being SCARED. FEAR.

EFFING FEAR! Every moment, every minute, and every muscle. Every day! I can tell you with utmost certainty that if it isn’t tears for Braxton, then the tears are for me. Even worse, Lunalesca. The tears are for fear. Tears For Fears… Not my favorite band, but Everybody Wants To Rule The World. Mad World, ain’t it. You know the line that explains my bed.

“And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had.”
Tears For Fears, Mad World

And how long will my bedroom remain a safe place when I can’t even defend Braxton’s yard or a little shed? The only reason I’m not crying right now is that I’m too sweaty and all of the chemicals I keep spraying. These EFFING CARPENTER ANTS! Braxton was one for inside or outside. Virgil thinks I’m going nuts. Idiot? Cowardly?

The virtues of being a Cracker Hat. I instead call myself a scared little boy than one of them Lunalesca. Is it time to call my Old Man and admit that his son has failed yet again? And I have no money. Every day it’s a new FEAR, and I’m drowning in it, Lunalesca. Breathe!

Carpenter Ants, Woodshed, Trash, Chemicals, Old Man, Money, My Book (My Turn To B III), Virgil’s Health, Norton, Day Job, Car, Phone, Neighbors, Time, Braxton. Lady Lunalesca, there is no ending to the FEAR. It’s The Long Walk, and I have to outlast everything, and for what? SPOILER: Ray Garraty survives. Lunalesca, Ray keeps walking.

I’m walking, I win, I wish. Ask, “What are ya buyin’?” Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil

1651 Days Without B III, Day 1092 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 037 ~Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil~

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Standing before God? Please! I’m pretty sure there isn’t one. And the only thing I’ve ‘manifested” besides bringing my boy back is B and V’s potential stepmom liking me. Having to face her, my boys, and the man in the mirror, Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil.

Thursday, August 7, 2025

Journey 037 ~Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil~

1649 Days Without B III, Day 1090 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Myself? I’ve cried. I didn’t get paid. Been humiliated. But allow me to be official:

To General Braxton Barks Bradford:
Here on the front lines… The Dining Room table overlooks the backyard. Our lines are holding steady. There has been no trace of the Carpenter Ant enemy in days, General. Though I am reluctant to claim victory. The Captain and I… Your little brother, Virgil.

We remain armed and ready to battle the invaders. Vigilant and prepared, all is stillness.

Yet the toll has been significant. A few inches of the shed door have been annihilated by the Carpenter Ant menace. Several more inches are heavily damaged. No casualties to report amongst the brave who fight to maintain your territory. Though both Virgil and I have received bites from our daily walks and skirmishes from those six-legged freaks, B III.

“We must meet the threat with our valor, our blood, indeed with our very lives to ensure that human (and dog) civilization, not insect, dominates this galaxy now and always!”
Sky Marshall Dienes, Starship Troopers

To Manager Braxton, Of Braxton’s Savings And Loans:
I know it’s been weeks since I made a deposit. It’s these times, Sir. And with the recent war effort… Not in Gaza, or the war the MAGA Cracker Hats have declared against the American people. I mean the war in “my” backyard, literally. Well my Olds backyard, anyway. The point is, I have been pouring resources into simply holding on B.

Much like Tom Waits singing you gotta “Hold On.” Or Luther from “Detroit Become Human,” I am holding on. And I ask for your patience and for your perseverance, Braxton.

Oh, you got to hold on, hold on
You gotta hold on
Take my hand, I’m standing right here, you gotta hold on
Tom Waits

“Hold on just a little while longer
Everything will be all right.”
Detroit Become Human

The strength you showed as you faced the end, Sunday, January 31, 2021. Your Euthanasia. I’m trying… be the body, not the shadow, hold space.

To Braxton, my firstborn son:
I would deny myself before I deny you anything. If you knew how many times I’ve sung the words of Mark Schultz’s song, He’s My Son. “Let me take his place somehow.” I would have taken your place, Braxton, without question. If anything, I should have followed “long ago, long ago, long ago.” You gave me nearly sixteen years of your life as a soldier, the one who held me accountable, and as my best friend. My little Braxton Barks.

Now I sacrifice everything for “family.” I care for you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. And keeping Virgil alive, cutting off subscriptions to save money. Effing WWE channel changes! Anyway, I sit before you today. Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 036 ~Braxton, Virgil, A Pa~

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I’m the “Last Of My Kind,” said no Ant ever. I haven’t seen one today with Virgil’s walk and all. But I’m not clapping for him or any victory. If I were a “strong survivor, a real provider… a Tru Rider,” for my boys’ stepmom. Braxton, Virgil, A Pa.

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

Journey 036 ~Braxton, Virgil, A Pa~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And I’m sure all of Hell is applauding. But as for my arrival. “How To Save A Life”

Virgil is still here. Well, I assume so. “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.” And today is Monday, August 4, 2025. But I’ve been living on Sunday, January 31, 2021. You know what the Klingons say, “Today is a good day to die.” But “Here I Am,” because I have to work. One day of the week… That’s rich. A blessing and a curse.

Inspector, if I were finishing Braxton’s book, “My Turn To B III.” But I want to give myself a round of applause for showing up late to sit at the dining room table. Seriously, Echo.

It’s not like I’m getting paid this week. More weapons in my war against the Carpenter, Ha. Ants, Jesus, whatever.

I haven’t seen a Carpenter Ant all day, but the day isn’t over yet. It’s 3:30 PM, meaning I should have been at the table at 1:00 PM. Too busy putting my digits around my “Enormous Pen*s” thank you Da Vinci’s Notebook. But the moment I clap my hands, E.

Victory? The wood is still destroyed. I can’t pay for that. How much did I spend to fight the good fight? I cut limbs from a tree. I sprayed chemicals until my arm twisted, Echo.

As for the GOOD Lord, “Footprints In The Sand,” indeed. My existence has been nothing but The Long Walk. Am I Ray Garraty? Braxton would be Pete McVries, while Virgil is Stebbins. Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom would be Jan then.

M Anime, my Jan, Julia, if we’re talking 1984. And with her mind, I could place her in any number of Hentai. She’s cheering me on, but she’s not clapping. Too much work to do.

“Him and I,” like the G-Eazy song. That’s what she wants from me. And afterward… Inspector, I can hear the clapping of a crowd. The future? Wedding, Kids, Fame, Fortune.

But “If Only for One Night,” there’s a different kind of clapping. And Virgil’s paws against the door; if no Ants have chewed through it. And Braxton covers his eyes.

Inspector, my Ma’s hands take care of my Grandma, and “Grandma’s Hands?” I should ask. And my hands. I’m not clapping or “Praying” like Kesha. For Braxton, Virgil, A Pa.

1648 Days Without B III, Day 1089 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 032 ~Virgil’s A B-Class Starship~

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It took a week for ants to destroy the house. I was seven when I humiliated myself on E-Day. When did I discover sleeping pills? When did my maid decide she was done? B was euthanized four years ago. Why can’t I take off? Virgil’s A B-Class Starship.

Saturday, August 2, 2025

Journey 032 ~Virgil’s A B-Class Starship~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I have stock in Star Wars, Star Trek, and Starship Troopers. Today’s word: “BUGS!”

Sad, right? I am so sick and tired of being sad. The only question is, what am I crying about today? Don’t worry, Lady Lunalesca, we’ll get to the sick part. Yes, I’ll always be sad about my little boy, Braxton. But as I sit here at the dining room table, my eyes are shooting daggers at the wood the Carpenter Ants chewed through. I think about Braxton barking away.

It wouldn’t do much good, like all the products I bought yesterday to exterminate the ants. So much so, I forgot to buy things like water, peanut butter, actual butter, etc. As Matchbox Twenty sings, “I feel STUPID.” STUPID is sad, scared, and sick together.

Lunalesca, I don’t want to be sad anymore. But Virgil…

Scared? You’re damn right, I’m afraid, which is why I’m sitting here at the table, going out to spray anytime I see a speck of black. I might as well join the MAGA Cracker Hats demonizing black and brown people. Again, for me it’s “BUGS! BUGS!” It’s like something out of Helldivers II, and this is the Massacre of Malevelon Creek. A little late to the party. To think so many months before Lunalesca, I wanted a PS5. Effing STUPID!

Now I’m thinking of saving my ass from my Old Man when he sees this. What’s My Age Again? I’m old enough to have an effing workday, fix a fence, and hire people to stop the Carpenter Ants from destroying my boys’ home. But breathing…

Sickens me. I am sick, Lady Lu. The Walking Dead. And not one bug bite has been enough to release me from the mortal coil. Careful… AI has been dinging me for my ideas lately.

But you don’t know what it’s like, Lady Lunalesca. My STUPIDITY. The FEAR. A cure?

My son, of course. Braxton gave me courage I didn’t know I had. Saving, Protecting.

Where’s Braxton? A box on the nightstand and hopefully somewhere on the Rainbow Bridge. Virgil’s sleeping on his pillow. Thankfully, he’s bug-free. But this building…

Lunalesca, home? Invaded. And I couldn’t sleep until around 3 this morning. The idea of sex with M Anime, my boys’ potential stepmother. Taking off. She keeps me awake and alive. Virgil’s A B-Class Starship.

1644 Days Without B III, Day 1085 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 030 ~B’s, Aunts, and Virgil~

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Ants and “High Hopes.” Forget the plants; they chewed through the bottom of the door. B III’s Favorite Girl, his “aunt,’ has High Hopes for me. But my real sister—she’ll be an aunt. If M Anime and I “Marvin Gaye” and get it on. B’s, Aunts, and Virgil

Thursday, July 31, 2025

Journey 030 ~B’s, Aunts, and Virgil~

1642 Days Without B III, Day 1083 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I was up right on time, and I’m still late talking to you. So today?

Buggy and sad. I did cower under the covers longer than I should. Sunrise was at 5:58 AM, and I wanted to be up at 5:45 AM. I wasn’t. I’ve said a few times this week that your Dad is a coward. Why can’t I just be lazy? As a matter of fact, why can’t I just die, B III?

So I cower and can’t die, so what’s left? “Tonight I Wanna Cry.” But again, I got started early. As soon as I got out of bed to walk your little brother. Only I wasn’t crying about him or you. Your Favorite Girl, your aunt, ain’t here. And neither is your and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. Though she texted. Porn doesn’t bug her. Yay!

First off, EWW! But give me a woman who wants it rough like Ariella Ferrera and ‘dirty’ like Tsubaki Miyajima from Saimin Seishidou. It’s how you get two-legged siblings, B.

What about your little brother, Virgil? I didn’t forget to check him for bugs today.

However, what about the rest of the house? I don’t have to worry about giving him the talk about the birds and the bees. Uh, yeah. Your brother has no balls. So why do I?

Seriously, ants are destroying the house. Is that why I was crying? I look at what has become of your territory, Braxton, and it’s more like you’re the father and I am the son today.

Denethor and I’m your Faramir. You couldn’t be so cruel.

It’s one of the traits I’m glad you didn’t inherit from me. My cruelty and indifference mean that I don’t give a crap. My cowardice. “Abandon your posts! Flee, flee for your lives!” That wouldn’t be you, Braxton. It wouldn’t be M Anime. How can I tell her like Zapp, “I Want to Be Your Man.” And at the same time, “I am lucky if I learn to read and write.. Where I live, you must first learn to stand and fight.” To be a “Superhero” like New Power Generation sings about. But I’m a “Blankman.” How can I eff M Anime, be a father, and have a family? Your aunt would be proud. Ants should die. I’m crying. And bugged!

B’s, Aunts, and Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 029 ~Virgil, Braxton Vs. Hulk~

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Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Ozzy Osbourne, and Hulk Hogan are all gone, Lucky. Wow, that’s harsh, but Five For Fighting said, “It’s not easy to be me.” And my five? Braxton, Virgil, me, M Anime, and B’s Favorite. And how many Ants? Virgil, Braxton Vs. Hulk

Wednesday, July 30, 2025

Journey 029 ~Virgil, Braxton Vs. Hulk~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I let Carpenter Ants eat the house. Well, my Olds house… The house they bought me. A man…

And what kind of man am I? I’m not Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Ozzy Osbourne, or even Hulk Hogan. I’d like to say that I’m better than any MAGA Cracker Hat, Inspector.

However, don’t I still watch the WWE? That makes me an effing hypocrite, doesn’t it? And I’m as yellow and red as those tights Hogan would wear. Yellow because I’m a coward. And red? I’m angry at myself for being a coward. What do I see in the backyard, hm?

“Why them Biker Boyz wear yellow?”
I said, “‘Cause they scared!”
They said, “Soul Train? Why do Biker Boyz wear black?”

I said, “Because they want to be Knights!”

–

“That’s my secret, Cap: I’m always angry.”
Bruce Banner, Hulk

All that green, Inspector Echo, and in that green are Carpenter Ants. Or under the foundation, wherever they are wrecking my Braxton’s former stomping grounds.

Inspector, this was my Braxton’s home and now Virgil’s. And my Old Man is going to smash me. M Anime?

Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, my M Anime. If she knew, I mean, really knew the coward that wants to smash her… Safely and consensually, of course, we’ll get there.

But not if there’s no house left. I’m not man enough to defend it. I’m not man enough to fix it. No, I’m sitting right here on the loveseat where my makeshift family once resided.

Me, my Braxton, and Braxton’s Favorite Girl. Virgil met her, too. And she loves him.

Inspector, I could love myself if I were Professor Hulk. But I’m more Hogan. Do you know why Marvel’s Hulk is my favorite? I would rather be Black Panther, Iron Man, or have Captain America’s morals. Anyway, for me to always be angry. I must be fearful. And really STUPID!

Be Not So Fearful. I’m effing terrified to open the back door but not to make love to a woman. And speaking of a backdoor, what about “My Girl” and The Temptations she offers? Didn’t I say sometime this week that we were having discussions about Hard and Soft Limits? If I’m going to be her first… Well, nearly everything. She wants to explore her backside as well. The Succubus Series… Anal. Honestly, that will be a first for me, too. But while she’s going all Shakira “Underneath Your Clothes.” I’m scared to be from underneath the covers. I’m praying. Inspector, I promised not to do that after B’s… Euthanasia. And speaking of which, Echo.

Sorry, I had to check Virgil for bugs. Smashing everyone’s lives. Virgil, Braxton Vs. Hulk

1641 Days Without B III, Day 1082 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 025 ~B Trade With Virgil~

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Ants have high hopes, right? Or all bugs. I saw one carrying something white, an egg or something, but it was a piece of the house… I check Virgil for bugs that might bring him down. Trading our lives for theirs? B Trade With Virgil.

Saturday, July 26, 2025

Journey 025 ~B Trade With Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Every day that becomes an even bigger lie. I might as well be a Cracker Hat.

A sell-out, a sucker, a slave to MAGA. FDT! I don’t want to talk about him today. But “Here I Am!” What the EFF does that even mean other than the fact I want to be Bryan Adams? What does it mean when my dog, death, or my dame… Dame? Do I mean Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime? “Someday,” she’ll “Find Me,” Luna.

But will I still be here? No money, masonry skill, and being “Manly.” I’m only that in the bedroom or wherever M Anime and I decide to Marvin Gaye and get it on, dear Lunalesca.

That comes later if I can stop quoting music. And what about crying over Braxton?

Lunalesca, I’ve cried today because learning any type of trade…

It’s just so hard. I should stop thinking about Cherry’s yabbos as well. What M Anime isn’t my girl… yet. And Cherry doesn’t want me. However, I’ve been talking to her a lot over the past few days. She’s been betrayed. Is that too much Lunalesca? She was possibly robbed, maybe. You know how I feel about the tech world. I shed a few tears about that last night in bed. “Be Not So Fearful.” If I were a Jack of all Trades and wasn’t surrounded by traitors, Lunalesca. Yes, Eff MAGA, Eff the Cracker Hats, and FDT! But what am I going to do?

Offer her money for her Yabbos? I am so broke yet buying more books. And never forget, I betrayed Braxton.

I couldn’t save my firstborn son. And as far as my second-born son, Virgil. Braxton’s little brother is bug-free. And what about the rest of the house? I need to clean up Lunalesca. Prison, tomb…

Why? August 13th is Virgil’s “Gotcha Day.” I don’t want to remember “September.” And now I see that “The Long Walk” is coming out on September 12th. Should I survive that effing month, “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” I’ll be “Gone Till November.” Will M Anime be here by then? Or sometime at “The Closing Of The Year.” I’m trading my time right now for what? The man I am for a man I could be. Not crying for Braxton and being in M Anime’s panties. Loving, Living, I’m here B Trade With Virgil.

1637 Days Without B III, Day 1078 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 023 ~Heaven’s A B, Virgil~

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“Is there a heaven? And is anybody there?” I don’t know about ‘people,’ but my son is somewhere up there. Some angels have such heavenly Yabbos. M Anime, Cherry, and SeeJaneGoTV. Where am I going? Ah, Hell! “Heaven’s A B, Virgil.”

Thursday, July 24, 2025

Journey 023 ~Heaven’s A B, Virgil~

1635 Days Without B III, Day 1076 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, Braxton? This month? This year? Most of it, I’ve woken up in tears.

Or something else… Eww! You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, would understand. But that comes later. Again, Eww! Let’s stick with my tears for now. Why? I owe you an apology. Next to crying, apologizing to you would be another one of those things that I could do forever. Like something out of Drive Angry. What’s my Hell, B?

“Fire isn’t the worst part. It’s the video feed. It’s not about your suffering, your burning. It’s about the suffering of those you love, because… that’s all you see… in full detail. And there’s nothing you can do to shut it off.”
Drive Angry (2011)

I would be frozen watching you die over and over in that hospital room. Euthanasia. Worse? I could be frozen, unable to end your suffering and watching you waste away. Further? I could be frozen in bed as you cry that Wednesday night, Thursday morning.

Let It Go, Elsa! You’d rather hear me moaning over her Yabbos, or your could be stepmom, M Anime again.

It’s why you had your own room, Braxton AKA my library, AKA where your little brother should be. But of course, I had to check on Virgil. And here’s another sin I should have confessed to Inspector Echo yesterday. The fact that I’m trying to convince Virgil that this place is better than Hell. Hell and sin? Speaking of those two things, yesterday was hot.

Only it wasn’t the weather. Please, Braxton, you know your Daddy and my hoodies, hmm.

The Visual Lady with the nice hooters at the Day Job asked why I’m always wearing hoodies. Considering I’ll end up in the Ninth Circle for my “Treachery.” I betrayed you, my son. Anyway, I might as well be as warm as I can today.

But yesterday I was hot and sweaty trying to create a book cover for you, and AI is way smarter than I. I failed to do it, Braxton, and it doesn’t need to be said, but I’ll fail to have your book ready by Friday, July 25, 2025. Three weeks. And I’m nowhere near finishing.

Braxton, I couldn’t finish “My Turn To B III,” and I dare to try and pull you away from Heaven. Is it nice up there? Because from where I’m sitting, a B always beats an F. Failure and fire. At least I’m not a MAGA Cracker Hat, a slave to their “Führer” Trump. FDT always

But today I’m not headed to Heaven. Hell’s closer. This house? Heaven’s A B, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 022 ~Time, Braxton. Sound-Off, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Earwax is gross. But when B was here to bark, bite, and be the cutest thing, according to pretty, pretty girls. Then silence. The noises now. Tick-tock! My account is draining. My girl, I want to hear… come by. Time, Braxton. Sound-Off, Virgil

Wednesday, July 23, 2025

Journey 022 ~Time, Braxton. Sound-Off, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I remembered the sounds my Braxton made. If I had paid attention, Wednesday, January 27, 2021. Effing Indifference!

Question time. Which is worse, Ignorance or Indifference? This is what makes me ‘better’ than MAGA, those Cracker Hat Effs! Or so I tell myself. Caring for my fellow man…

Okay. “Now that is a lie.” But I love Braxton. And what happened to him Sunday, January 31, 2021… Euthanasia… Isn’t that water “Under The Bridge” as the Red Hot Chili Peppers sing, “I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.” But how do I feel today, Inspector?

There’s this movie “Sarafina!” And she begins to pray, “Make me numb, Nelson (Mandela), make me numb.” I could hear myself saying, ‘Don’t wake up,’ or ‘Just sleep,’ only I misspelled the word ‘die.’ And this morning it finally hit me. I miss Braxton’s noise.

Effing duh! I knew that the moment I walked into the house and all was silent. Hell, I should have called Braxton’s little brother Ghost instead of Virgil. He never makes a sound, even when I’m throwing him around, checking him for creepy crawlers, Inspector.

But back to my question. Ignorance or Indifference? That’s something Virgil has over his big brother. If I sense danger for Virgil, I don’t hesitate. It’s one of the reasons I’m still “Alive.” Thank you, Meat Loaf. Where would V be without me? But with B, it was “Just one more peaceful day.” Only it wasn’t. I wanted to sleep. I was ignorant of Braxton’s needs, Inspector. And indifferent because my rage would have destroyed us. And now B’s gone.

“Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away.
Just one more peaceful day

And it’s been a while
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been a while
Since I said I’m sorry.”
Staind (2001)

So while I was busy cursing the silence, I should have welcomed it. Because every effing noise scares me now. Is that why Virgil is quiet? Except for when I leave, the clack of his nails on the floor… What, Echo? I have no money for a Nail Trim. And if V was with B?

Do you see why I need music, manuscripts in audio form? Uh audiobooks. And the multitudes of reactors laughing at movies on YouTube. Please, I’m still mooning over @SeeJaneGoTV yabbos. “Yeah, hm. It’s like candy.” I wish Jane’s vanilla pastries made a CAMEO appearance. And what about Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, my M Anime. The noises she wants to make… Eff me! Ignorance is bliss. Time, Braxton. Sound-Off, Virgil.

1634 Days Without B III, Day 1075 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will