Tag: Dreams

Journey 062 ~B III Of E-Day~

WillLeave a comment

I’d imagine Braxton understands more about E-Day from wherever he is. It’s the only day of the year that would rival whatever meals he’s enjoying on the Rainbow Bridge, hmm. He’d give me that “seriously, dude” look, but in a nice way. B III Of E-Day.

Monday, September 1, 2025

Journey 062 ~B III Of E-Day~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… What Do I Wanna Bark About? I wanna go back, Dad. But what’s there? No M Anime, Virgil, Life

Just us on Friday, September 7, 2018, Episode 068 ~Will To See Tomorrow~. Before you panic, Daddy, like I got some bitch pregnant. Seriously Dad? But I kept my balls. When you met my little brother Virgil, uh… It was too late. Anyway, we’re only going back to E-Days before Sunday, January 31, 2021. Three to be exact: 2018, 2019, and 2020. I get it.

So on E-Day 2018, you still had such dreams for the future. You admitted you had problems. Nothing by today’s standards. You were thirty-four and you asked, “What good came from this, what emerged from me arriving on the planet? Does anyone have Will To See Tomorrow?” I see you, Dad. My Will, as in to live. If you could.

And you did, Dad, because it was Saturday, September 7, 2019, Log 068 ~I Will This Year~. You talked about the best “DAY”, not even E-Day, just the “DAY.” You invited the maid over, “Okay,” aka “Special K. And that was also the first time we met “Indiana Gone,” aka, my aunt, aka “My Favorite Girl.” And I know I couldn’t stand her back then.

And talk about toys. You spent a lot of money, but it was better than inviting all the girls over. You’re still hurting Dad about M Anime. You were planning on meeting her. Not on E-Day, but at some time. What she could have done, so far away… Doesn’t matter.

And I’m not doing very well at cheering you up.

Because that’s not what E-Day is for. Not this Sunday and not Monday, September 7, 2020, Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~. You had dreamed a dream, my father.

2020
“My Dæmon is an old man, much like me. He has a little beard, maybe a few gray hairs, but he runs around with my two-legged kids. If I have a son and a daughter, of course, it would be Luke and Leia, ha-ha. Three daughters, Katniss, Tris, and Ember.”

“That wonderful wife of mine has a surprise at the studio. Most of the staff will be taking a lunch break as we make a movie. I swear the woman is insatiable, and I’m getting used to my birthday suit.

“My Dæmon is barking his head off, but he’s trying to pull the kids away from the water. He’s getting too old for this stuff, but what about me? My age? Well, geez, everyone has arrived. Cosplayers, writers, some of the tamer girls I know. Indiana Gone, M. Anime, a couple of the MILFS.”

I can see why you’re so angry, Dad, and not only about E-Day Emergence, Existence, Extinction, Evolve. Effing Hell! Pardon my barking. How can someone throw away six years of friendship? More even. You knew M Anime before My Favorite Girl. Hell! You knew her as long as you knew me, if not longer. And you’re no MAGA Cracker Hat!

Daddy, you’re about to be “Forty-One.” Still rowing like Ben-Hur the slave. Still on “The Long Walk.” That’s the only thing you can promise will happen, E-Day. You’ll walk V.

Existence Day Forty-One. How will you feel, Daddy? Right now, Frightened of your father, my grandpa, fiends destroying the house, funds depleted, and no one to Eff. Let me just bark Eww! But promise me there will be food. That you’ll share with Little Virgil.

Happy… No. Just breathe, Dad. JSS, B III Of E-Day.

“His life had gone on far longer than he’d planned.”
― Joseph D’Lacey, MEAT (2008)

“The only hope for the doomed is no hope at all…”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1674 Days Without B III, Day 1115 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 061 ~B Quiet Virgil, E-Day~

WillLeave a comment

Did I mention I hate Sundays? Yep. Much like B’s Death… which was on a Sunday. Last Sunday, my GF broke up with me. This Sunday is “The Calm Before.” Look up The Walking Dead. Next Sunday will be the second-worst day of my life. B Quiet Virgil, E-Day

Sunday, August 31, 2025

Journey 061 ~B Quiet Virgil, E-Day~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you look even worse than I did around this time last week. Let’s refresh your memory:

~Sunday, August 24, 2025
6.17 AM M Anime: Wishing I could just fuck with you right now.

6:19 AM Me: I’m still hard for you

M Anime: Good morning, Will! I do hope you’re okay in your part of the world. Here I’m a bit sad. Having lustful thoughts. And somehow managing.

THE BREAKUP

12:19 PM M Anime: But the silence and the looks that would hang in between…~

SILENCE

Congratulations, you’re not looking at the past, i.e., B’s death. You’re not looking at the future. E-Day is next Sunday. But “Here And Now” as Luther Vandross sings. Last week.

Whatever, the fact of the matter is, you haven’t spoken to M Anime since then.

Honestly, what does that mean? Winning these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pledged To Him 5: An Unconventional Romance – Neil Bimbeau
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yeah, I think not. However, I completed number four. You know exactly why that is.

Though I know you’ve been having a HARD time this morning. I know. Right, seriously.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Yeah, yeah, you’re almost broke. You are broke and broken. And today you should be looking at yourself. What am I talking about? I’ve been doing that all week. You’re still you, and what did you have to show for it? The jury is still out considering it’s nearly the “1st of Tha Month. Tomorrow. And again come this time next week, Judah Ben-Hur… Um

“Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one. That’s good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength.”
Quintus Arrius

“It’s a strange, stubborn faith you keep. To believe that existence has a purpose! A sane man would have learned to lose it long before this.”

“As you have. What drove it out of you?”

“Go back to your oar, Forty-One.”
Quintus Arrius And Ben-Hur

Whoever the gods are, they take small interest in an old man’s hopes.
Quintus Arrius

Will, you’ll be “Forty-One.” So back to your oar. But not yet. Virgil can wait another moment or two. Ants, Mosquitos, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Whatever I Can Get With Kindle Points. Some Are Pending
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You didn’t have anything special for these things last year. So again you’ll be lazy.

Perhaps, you will come up with something since you’ll be talking to your “Forty-One,” year-old self. And for reference, you’re hearing the voice of Quintus Arrius, the Roman Consul in the 1959 film Ben-Hur. He called Ben-Hur “Forty-One,” referring to his seat/slave number. And that’s your life. A slave, a sucker, and skeevy as all hell. Effing worthless! Beats silence.

That’s one more E to add to E-Day, Emergence, Existence, Extinction, who’s not getting Effed. Not by M Anime or anyone else. Hell! The last time? B’s Favorite Girl’s Wedding?

Sometime in 2019. Your favorite girl, M Anime, is getting married to someone else next year. Shall I wish you Good Luck? Stay Alive. But, first, B Quiet Virgil, E-Day.

“I miss her
And I’m telling her
with all the silence
I am capable of.”
Charles Bukowski

1673 Days Without B III, Day 1114 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 058 ~Virgil’s Good Sense B~

WillLeave a comment

If I had any sense at all, I would admit “All These Things That I’ve Done” to B’s Grandpa. To think I told him about M Anime. But his son is still a loser. And speaking of kids, sadly, it won’t be with M Anime. If only I had “Virgil’s Good Sense, B.”

Thursday, August 28, 2025

Journey 058 ~Virgil’s Good Sense B~

1670 Days Without B III, Day 1111 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today is Monday, August 25, 2025, so you know how my day was. Humiliations Galore?

Around this time last week son, I was so worried about your potential… Nope, Braxton!

M Anime won’t be your stepmom. Do you remember when you and I had to have “The Talk?” You liked your Favorite Girl a little too much. I got two words for ya, “Red Rocket.”

Eww! Must your Dad be so gross today? At the moment your Daddy is out of tears, the toxins are still flowing, and toting your little brother Virgil around daily. But I don’t want to talk about why I’m still sitting at the Dining Room table. But three days, Braxton.

Honestly, I’m glad E-Day is still a ways off. But I’d also rather be with you. I know B III. Dangerous words, but there’s more.

It’s why I haven’t talked to M Anime yet. Hell! By the time you read this who knows. If you were here, I don’t think she would have gotten this far. You hated everybody, B.

Again, you had your Favorite Girl, your aunt, your grandma and even your grandpa. Uh.

Back to M Anime. Let’s pretend B that we’re sitting in bed and I’m finally explaining to you how my day was. How I wish we could go back to those days Braxton. Good days.

Anyway, “What do I tell you M Anime? The woman I was falling in love with woke up this morning to tell me it’s over. And why? Because she wants to have a family. Kids?”

Braxton, you didn’t have siblings.

Ahem… Virgil. I mean siblings, while you were bound to the mortal coil, Braxton. SIGH.

It didn’t make sense. You and I had each other, and that was enough. But for M, my B III. Why didn’t she say it? I get the sense that she’s lying. I’ve looked at myself in a mirror, B.

And there’s also all the cents that I’m missing in my bank account. But for M Anime. I think you would have liked her. I still do. If only I had you and Virgil’s good sense. You didn’t give your heart easily, and Virgil keeps his mouth shut. But me? I’ll never touch her, taste her, hear as she… Or smell her roses. And seeing her. Virgil’s Good Sense B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 055 ~When The B’s Quiet~

WillLeave a comment

I tell people, when my B barked, he was helping me out. V doesn’t bark at all. He cries when I leave the house, like father, like son, with M Anime. All I want is quiet. When was it quiet? Before my first E-Day and B’s Death Day. “When The B’s Quiet”

Monday, August 25, 2025

Journey 055 ~When The B’s Quiet~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And you don’t want to talk about THIS. You want to go back to bed. But not like this.

Those late mornings and early afternoons. You’d walk in, and we would go on a nice, quiet walk, we’d stuff our faces with fries, and sometimes you’d sit and stare at the wall a bit.

Decompression, you called it. And a bad choice of words, ‘a bit.’ It’s been a while since you read “A Dog’s Purpose,” but this is not it; for me to make you feel worse. Yesterday…

“The Beatles.” You’re not that old, Dad. But you want to go back. Before all the noise, my father. I’m sure my little brother Virgil would appreciate the two minutes of you combing over his fur, protecting him from the creepy crawlers. There is a reason we dogs are silent.

What do I say, Daddy?

“Happy Birthday?” Your E-Day? I would never be so cruel. But every day E-Day’s closer.

I don’t know how to protect you from that. But I would sit beside you as you ordered all the good stuff to make you feel better. Nothing can make you feel better today, honestly.

I had faith in ‘her’ too, Dad. I don’t like being away from you. And Virgil wouldn’t understand closed doors and the things humans do. Eww! I had my Favorite Girl, and you were planning on having yours. Again, Eww! But with everything Sunday, Daddy.

You didn’t want to hear that. That she wanted some other guy’s d*ck, she’s marrying. Did I really just say that? I should be quiet. But who else is there?

You talked to my Favorite Girl about what happened with M Anime. Virgil and my’s…

Well nothing. It’s why you aren’t talking to her either. Daddy, there’s all this noise.

You’ve started back to listening to meditations to help you sleep. How I remember the days when I just had to sit at the corner of the bed during the day. The best sleep ever.

The ‘quiet’ when you and my Favorite Girl would watch the glow box so peacefully.

There was what you thought was the moment of our deaths, when we would stand together, and it was like we were going to Heaven, standing against Grandpa. Warriors.
Now you want the quiet that came before your very first E-Day. When The B’s Quiet

“A man trusts the counsel of his best friend.”
Vector

“What good are shrines and vows to maddened lovers? The inward fire eats the soft marrow away, And the internal wound bleeds on in silence.”
― Virgil (Roman), The Aeneid

1667 Days Without B III, Day 1108 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 054 ~E-Day, B III Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I hate Sundays again. I don’t believe in God. But where did my B go? How’d I find an angel? Why am I fighting so hard to save the house? B’s on the Rainbow Bridge. I couldn’t build a Heaven for M Anime. Even the BUGS said Damn! “E-Day, B III Virgil.”

Sunday, August 24, 2025

Journey 054 ~E-Day, B III Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… You’ve looked way better, man. “What Do You Wanna Talk About?” E-Day, Happy Death Day, and TODAY!

We should start with B and V’s potential stepmom M Anime. Oh, she’s not anymore.

Effing hell you say! That’s the one thing I have over you today. I had her but we’ll get there. You have to start with the second worse day of your existence. Today’s pretty bad!

But what is E-Day? Some want to know. Um, artificial intelligence anyway but you know.

E-Day stands for Emergence Day. Following your ‘Rule of Three’ There is Emergence, Existence, and Extinction. There is also a newer ‘fourth’ for Evolution/Evolve, too.

Emergence Day much like BLM (Braxton’s Life Matters) was taken from pop culture. In this case the Gears Of War franchise to represent your Emergence from Hell. So yeah your birthday. Failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 19: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You’ll be failing them next week and then your successor will fail the next. Emergence?

It’s so close. And for the record, the worse day of existence will forever be, the day that Braxton died. And how many times must we go over that? Eff I’m beginning to believe even the BUGS are laying off the wall today. Give a broken hearted man some leeway.

Let’s continue talking about that man. Let’s talk about you. You could be “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” You don’t believe in God but the FACT that Braxton went to Heaven, that your body count is a dozen tops, and that you haven’t downed an acetaminophen bottle.

“If there’s a God up there
Somethin’ above
God, shine your light down here
Shine on the love
Love of the loveless”
Eels – 2003

Between Braxton’s Favorite Girl and Virgil needing a father. A Dad failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pledged To Him 5: An Unconventional Romance – Neil Bimbeau
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

That brings us to the third worse moment of existence, beating out getting the Day Job and the day you and Braxton fought your Old Man. That was love, Brotherhood.

However, M Anime… No longer the stepmom, the ‘sexy thing’ the would be your S*ut.

Harsh? You’d say all out of love but if you want to talk about harsh. “You wake up and suddenly you’re in love,” only for that woman not only to say it’s over but she’s getting married to someone else and why? She wants children. You! The man that treats Braxton and Virgil as such. Who screamed Fatherhood is the epitome of Manhood. Buying that?

Look at yourself. Your Ma ripped you out (C-Section). Emergence Day. E-Day, B III Virgil

“Your black, you’re poor, you’re ugly, you’re a (man), you’re nothing at all!”
The Color Purple

“Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one. That’s good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength.”
Ben-Hur (1959)

1666 Days Without B III, Day 1107 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 051 ~Press B For Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Words. I don’t know if Braxton ever understood a word I was saying. Virgil is scared of what I might say. I didn’t confuse him with B again, did I? And the woman I care for the most… next to my Ma. Hell! What do I say? “Press B For Virgil.”

Thursday, August 21, 2025

Journey 051 ~Press B For Virgil~

1663 Days Without B III, Day 1104 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day… All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied. Honestly?

I want to dance to “Simple Kind of Man” at my wedding. A Mother and Son dance with me and your grandma. And if I can satisfy you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime… Well, you can guess who the bride will be. Do I care for her, Braxton? Always.

Like I said to you all the time, “You and me always, and forever.” A song from Lynyrd Skynyrd and now The Wannadies. What’s wrong? Your Dad’s communication skills, Ha!

I haven’t communicated to the Carpenter Ant population that there kind ain’t welcome here. I swear I’m sounding like such a MAGA Cracker Hat. But I’ve only killed one today.

Ants Braxton, not people Ha-Ha.

And the day is still young. I could finally convince Virgil that he’s welcome here. He’s been here since Saturday, August 13, 2022. But he shakes, rattles, and rolls. Like father, like son. Does he ever talk to you when he’s all by his lonesome? How did I do this?

Braxton, how did I learn to speak your language? You had your four rules, and you lived by them for nearly sixteen years. And here I have the rest of my life. Or Existence, Braxton.

Bless you for reminding my son. I had to request time off for E-Day. Effing E-Day! The only good thing that ever happened on E-Day is meeting your Favorite Girl. I wish I could meet my Favorite Girl on E-Day.

You and Braxton’s stepmom, M Anime. That’s where my communication skills failed me, B. You weren’t the best at that either. Your Favorite Girl thought you wanted to eat her.

I wouldn’t mind eating your stepmom. I know B. Eww! You don’t want to hear that. But again, I’m not the best at communicating. You wanted to go home, and I sent you home. Your passing will always beat E-Day. Anyway, today your stepmom was sad, thinking I wanted her to go away, break up, end our friendship. With all the people in this world…

Braxton, I want her to be my always and forever. Dammit, I want to fill her up and name one of those two-leggeds after you. I want to tell her everything. Even more than you.

Really? Press B For Virgil

“Those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.” Jaxx, Play’d (2002)

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 048 ~Long To B III~

WillLeave a comment

“I knew what I needed to do, and how to do it.” To me, that would be freedom. I sit here another day. Hell! I could be in bed. Only I’m not free. And if the MAGA Cracker Hats get their way, the Carpenter Ants, or all my FEAR… Long To B III.

Monday, August 18, 2025

Journey 048 ~Long To B III~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… It’s been a long time. Don’t give me that look, as you would often say. Well, look at me.

“It’s Been Awhile,” as Staind sings, since you have. Your eyes on the back wall of the porch, looking for ants, aiming, and aww, Dad don’t get sick again. I’d say I was jealous of V with all the time he’s had with you. That is, if you were safe and warm in bed, Dad.

“It’s Been Awhile” since you’ve had my little brother Virgil beside you. Because when was the last time you were able to relax? It’s my and Virgil’s potential stepmom’s birthday.

Does M Anime long for you “Somewhere Out There?” Eww! Am I trying to set you up with her, Daddy? Like when you would tell me not to hump my toys in front of company.

My Favorite Girl and yours…

It’s been a “Long, Long Time” since any of us has seen you HAPPY, my father. I need to stop saying that. I know you’re never HAPPY. But the last time you and My Favorite Girl watched the glow box… Months ago, when you introduced her to Virgil. I’m with you always, but for what you take as real, Dad:

“What is real? How do you define ‘real’? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.”
― Morpheus, The Matrix

1660 days and counting. I miss watching the glow box with you. When it was you and My Favorite Girl, it was “SHARE” (2003), “Coraline,” and “The Book of Clarence.”

Honestly, waiting to hear back from your girl M Anime is a long time. It’s only been a day, Dad. And before that, she was showing off her goodies. My Favorite Girl had those, too.

Like father, like son. “But love is a long, long road,” ain’t it, Daddy. If we had to name every moment between us, wow! I fell for My Favorite Girl in about nine months, heh.

And there you go, thinking about M Anime and wanting to make me and V two-legged siblings to look after. You’re free to do so, my father. Virgil is stronger than you realize. He will make a good big brother. And you know me, like you, Dad, always and forever.

And yet you’re not free… If life is a game, then love is the instruction. And I long for you to follow those instructions, not only for me, Virgil, or M Anime but for yourself. FREEDOM! Long To B III

“Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it.”

“And as he spoke, he wept.
Three times he tried to reach arms round that neck.
Three times the form, reached for in vain, escaped
Like a breeze between his hands, a dream on wings.”
From ― Virgil, The Aeneid

1660 Days Without B III, Day 1101 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 047 ~Virgil’s Hints To Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Nothing’s changed. It was a Sunday when B died. M Anime says the song “Sunday Morning” makes her think of me. I’m testing my phone. I sent M Anime a video of baby chicks. I’m still testing bug poisons. No end in sight. Virgil’s Hints To Braxton.

Sunday, August 17, 2025

Journey 047 ~Virgil’s Hints To Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Wow! Can you be any more direct? “Soy Un Perdedor?” M Anime wouldn’t appreciate you thinking that.

Who? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. She thinks of you as her dear friend, a hell of a lover, and a good father, when you decide to Close Your Eyes And Wander as Ernie Halter sings. Though she’s more for getting her Kim Petras on. “Treat Me Like A S*ut”

Do you remember the last time Braxton was so direct? Saturday, August 13, 2022, right.

You were standing in PetSmart. A white Chihuahua mix with black spots went potty. Honestly.

Three furry black spots to be exact. Two patches of Braxton’s fur coloring around his eyes. It was like hearing the voice of Braxton himself. “I can’t make this anymore black and white, Daddy.” Thus, “Archie” became Virgil, watching you fail these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 18: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, I failed because this is the beginning of your week, and you’ve already failed.

Seriously, where are you today? You’re sitting at the Dining Room table, staring outside at the chewed-up shed, rushing to kill Carpenter Ants. Only two so far. Waking up? Breathing?

The fact that you have to tell yourself to keep breathing. Pretty awful sign, Fearing.

“Terrible thing to live in FEAR. Brooks Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won’t have to be afraid all the time.”
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Morgan Freeman may have said some things you disagree with, but he got this right on the money. Which is one more thing you should be direct about. You ain’t got no money, friend. Have you checked on Braxton’s book “My Turn To B III”? You look directly at that like people turn directly to Jesus, and where does that get you? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 19: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Goose Egg. Or like in Love of the Loveless, “Looking for and finding, Nothing.” Yet you believe. So did Sheriff Holston in “The Wool.” You continue “The Long Walk.” What is it with you and stories today? You were reading Backyard Dungeon 19. More HaremLit.

Actually, suppose anything is going to wear your eyes out. In that case, it will be staring out the back door, waiting, effing manifesting more problems. Speaking of manifesting, backdoors, and problems, there’s M Anime. How direct you were with her this morning. Why was that, hmm? Because you’re horny? Between crying, sweating, staring at M Anime’s yabbos, and the ending result. Don’t forget being covered in pesticides. Amazingly, this morning you aren’t headed directly to Braxton. Fears a sickness. But, Virgil’s Hints To Braxton.

1659 Days Without B III, Day 1100 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 044 ~Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope~

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When was my last truly peaceful sleep? Any afternoon when B sat at the corner of the bed, keeping my fears at bay. V tries. My last piece of… Um, my last woman. It was before B’s Favorite Girl got married. Such a time. Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope.

Thursday, August 14, 2025

Journey 044 ~Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope~

1656 Days Without B III, Day 1097 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, these days, feels like The Long Walk. That’s an appropriate book for you.

I wish I could have read it to you, Braxton. But have I even cried for you today, my friend?

I’m not sure. Let’s say I was leaking a different kind of fluid. First off, Eww! Secondly, no, I didn’t… Not really. You had your Favorite Girl with your Aunt. I have mine with you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. She was feeling pretty naughty when I got up.

I know, I know, B. Can I stop talking about Daddy things, and especially Aunts or ants, for real? My eyes are like a pair of aching feet. Say what now? Up and down from the buttons I press to the wall outside, looking for those buggy bastards to strike again. I swear B III.

“Just make this go away.”
“Just one more peaceful day.”
It’s Been Awhile by Staind

“Don’t look down
Don’t feast your eyes on the things that are on the ground
And if it gets hard to focus
When you’re driving almost at the speed of sound
Feeling nowhere bound
Remember what I told you, and don’t you dare look down.”
― David Ryan Harris (2003)

All I want, Braxton, all I need besides you, M Anime’s yabbos, or Coldplay’s Yellow.

“Your skin, oh yeah, your skin, and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so”
Yellow by Coldplay

Seriously, so I’m supposed to be Neo now? “The One.” Don’t forget, that was your name for a couple of days. You were my little Neo, well, my sister’s before you decided to jump onto the bed and dig into a plate of Waffles. Or was it French Toast? And then you became Little Pancake. I must be hungry. That bag of Cheetos from the Day Job has me ill.

“Deus Ex Machina: What do you want?
Neo: Peace.”
― From The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Honestly, your little brother pulls the same move. When I’m eating, he cuddles up with me with hope. “He’s My Son,” as Mark Schultz puts it. But that’s like comparing my sister and me to our Old Man. The Favorite.

I bet her house isn’t crumbling into pieces. And she’s not sitting somewhere watching for Carpenter Ants. Jeezu, am I right! No, I’m scared, I’m terrified. And I can hear you, Little B, Be Not So Fearful. Unfortunately, terrible nights lead to effing mornings breathing.

“Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me fly.
Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me shine”
― Jeymes Samuel

“Woke Up This Morning,” but I didn’t go all Tony Soprano. Again, I was staring at everybody else’s Yabbos, and then your stepmom sent some pictures sans her clothes and:

“So now, what should I do?
I’m strung out, addicted to you.
My body aches, now that you’re gone
My supply fell through.”
Akira Yamaoka

Pieces of the old me, Braxton. But I never liked who I was. Virgil and M Anime do try B.

But you were the wall, and I fell. I failed you. And now you’re my road of The Long Walk. I go, I crumble, wanting this. Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope.

“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me, and I walk alone.”
― Green Day

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 041 ~Braxton, A Noise, Me~

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I hear voices in my head. Who am I, Randy Orton? I might not be listening, let alone watching the WWE, anymore. The least of my problems. The marching of ants’ feet, Virgil’s silent vigil, and my potential woman wanting me. Braxton, A Noise, Me.

Monday, August 11, 2025

Journey 041 ~Braxton, A Noise, Me~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Another Day, right? “Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving a signal? Do you copy me?” Dad!

Past this! There is no getting past this? Me. I didn’t go with a bang or a whimper, did I?

Daddy, I went in love. I left in the arms of the one that loved me best. What is this War of the Worlds? Like father, like son. I quoted that song from Theresa Walker, “I Don’t Wanna Die.” Movies, Music, Manuscripts, and as MUCH of the Glow Box as we could handle, Dad. You and I didn’t have to talk; we just knew. And when we did talk, well, it was the best, wasn’t it? You told everyone that, at least when I barked, I was helping you out.

However, it was the silence that you thought was an eternal quiet. Virgil’s not helping.

We both love my brother, but these days it’s like Cara Delevingne sings “I Feel Everything.” Well, more like you hear everything and it’s driving you mad. Madder than that time you gave me my last bath and decided to take me to the groomers from then on, remember? And remember that Cara Delevingne song. That’s for my stepmom, right?

I’m sure V will approve of her, too. But there’s the quiet, crunching, cracking, crumbling.

This isn’t the first time you’ve faced an ant invasion, my father. I remember you rushing me off the floor and fighting with everything to drive the invaders away. Winning!

Honestly, though, these days, every crack, crevice, and Carpenter Ant bastard you see, it feels like you’re caving in, Dad.

But there are other noises. Real or Not Real? Again, something for you and M Anime to figure out. You finished texting me and Virgil’s potential stepmom back this morning.

Usually, these glow boxes annoyed me. But when you get done talking to M Anime. Daddy, you’re not happy. You’re never happy. But the noises she makes and wants to make. And all the “things” you and she talk about. Eww! At least I won’t be scratching at the door. I’ll leave that to Virgil. I wish we could go back to when I would sit between you and my Favorite Girl, watching the Glow Box and getting fed. Live, Laugh, Love? That annoys us both. So listen to your heart, Braxton, A Noise, Me.

“The longer you went without speaking, the harder it gets to break the silence.”
― Stephen King, The Long Walk

“A hideous noise of shouting rose to the heavens as young men fought and fell under the iron hand of Mars.”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1653 Days Without B III, Day 1094 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son