Tag: Loss

Journey 228 ~80’s A B, Virgil~

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An 80 is a B. Cs get degrees. And I was praying for a D on paper when I was done playing with the one in my pants. I have been out of school a long time. But my woman is teaching me about Chinese Myths and Naughty Spanish. Hot? 80’s A B, Virgil.

Saturday, February 14, 2026

Journey 228 ~80’s A B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Not if I’m not a mediocre white man who dares to call himself the president. Hmm.

Not that I can talk, my dear Lady Lunalesca. I’m the one who’s looking up, do dogs’ tongues burn on ChatGPT? All I know is Braxton stuck his tongue into a cup of hot chocolate and winced. And then he had the nerve to look at me as if I had done something wrong. Well I kil.. had him euthanized several years later. I did. 100% I believe it, Luna.

13 days shy of his 16th birthday. What a lovely way to say I love you. Braxton and I had a good life. “Him and I.” He was my little sister’s dog. And then I go and spoil it all by saying “Something Stupid,” like I love you to him. And then he’s my dog.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

My son. And how did I honor him yesterday? As a matter of fact, how did I honor his little brother, Virgil? The “Tango Maureen?” The Tango Virgil. Hell! The Tango M Anime for “real…” with no regrets. Have I ever told you how hot M Anime is? I’ve got a thing for Puerto Rican girls now. Well, one particular Puerto Rican woman and one thing. But if tentacle porn ever becomes real… Anyway, what was I saying? I spent most of Braxton’s birthday… Doing things with M Anime, I should be doing today. How much did I spend last Valentine’s Day? Total? Why am I not doing that now? Is this an 80’s hit?

No, it was 1990, “The King of Wishful Thinking,” Lunalesca.

My breakup theme for her in August. Then January rolled around, and it seems (Every Time I Turn Around) Back in Love Again.” M Anime and I aren’t quite there yet. Um, she’s sure she’s in love. But I’m the guy who has been mourning his dead furry kid forever.

Is five years forever? Come talk to me on October 20th, 2026, and if Virgil is still “Safe And Sound.” Suppose everything hasn’t burned thanks to MAGA. I’m quite comfortable at 80 degrees. If I were truly in love with M Anime, I’d be playing 98 Degrees’ “I Will Still Love You.” Suppose I were a better man, Lunalesca. But I’m living on 80 bucks. Not enough for “Love and Happiness.” 80’s A B, Virgil.

1840 Days Without B III, Day 1281 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 226 ~That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil~

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All For Love? I met B when he was barely two months old, and stayed until 13 days shy of his 16th birthday. He passed in his own bed at the vet’s. Right now… Most days, I know I should have followed him. All For One. That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil.

Thursday, February 12, 2026

Journey 226 ~That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil~

1838 Days Without B III, Day 1279 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed—things my Olds never said to me ever.

So what am I saying it to you for? Isn’t it Ironic, I blame you when I feel like this?

Like, I might die? A stomach bug, a toothache, like I got hit by a truck, and every bone was breaking after the Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident, and there’s drowning.

Honestly, B, I shouldn’t have made it to forty-one, but here I am wishing you a Happy Birthday. More like Welcome to Level Twenty-One! Your birthday is tomorrow, of course.

But again, who knows if I’ll live to see it. Wrong words, Braxton Barks Bradford. But if I turn the computer a certain way as I sit here in bed, I can imagine it’s you lying against my leg, and now your little brother Virgil.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Must I be so mean? If you want to see ornery, yep, that’s me getting up after puking into a garbage can next to the bed. Eww! Do I blame that Jack’s chicken? Downright blasphemy. The best legs, breasts, and thighs can be found in a bucket/box of chicken ha-ha. For me, I’d say on your Favorite Girl, Cherry, or your potential stepmom, M Anime.

Speaking of which, maybe it’s all the horrible things I was thinking about her, before, then after the breakup, and now the reconciliation, when she needs me to be the man she needs me to be. The “Only One For Me.” Yeah, yeah, B, once upon a time, it was you and me against the world. But yabbos, hot sauce…

I’m not MAGA. Being a horrible human being can actually make me sick. Or I should sue Buffalo Wild Wings for that Wild Sauce. “Put you on the highway to Heaven like I’m your Uber.” Was that BWW or Hallelujah Heaven? Hell, it’s been five years, B III, I know.

Five years since your trip to the Rainbow Bridge. And if you told me I would die with all this pain and get to join you. I’d actually consider myself blessed. I’d follow you, Braxton.

And it’s a good thing I can’t eat anything. Diddly next to squat this paycheck, and next week is squat as in zero. So, about your birthday? M Anime says I listen. You’d say Stay Alive. That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil

‘It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 225 ~B A Tax V~

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Death, Taxes, and Yabbos. Everything else is a roll of the dice. What about my boys? V was cuddling up against me this morning instead of being at the foot of the bed. B is cute, with V… Annoying? I’m not so mean, but the taxman cometh. B A Tax V

Wednesday, February 11, 2026

Journey 225 ~B A Tax V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What! Telling lies about my sons? Let’s say Braxton had very few friends. And then there’s 2-V, Virgil…

I swear if Braxton’s little brother walked on two legs and spoke a word of Spanish… He is a Chihuahua after all. Anyway, people would think I’m an abusive parent. I’m busy. I can be a bastard. And this week shows you how broke I am. But abusive, MAGA, never.

Is it wrong that I don’t REALLY know who Bad Bunny is? Hell, I still watched the halftime show on Sunday. And I hear it was a million or a 100 million fans better than…

Whatever MAGA did. Eff MAGA, eff the Cracker Hats, and always and forever FDT, E!

Is that how taxes work? How should I know? But did I mention I was broke? And as far as this week, so far, Inspector…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Okay, time for some real confessions: Again, I liked Bad Bunny’s show. And allow me to sound like a Cracker Hat for a minute. Ahem! My “girlfriend,” my woman, M Anime, is Boricua. She’s been teaching me some naughty Spanish… But Spanish ads are annoying.

Why, Inspector? I suppose that if I must listen, if people are going to tell me sweet “Little Lies.” Suppose I must know that I’m a loser. Tell me in a language I’ll understand, Inspector.

Speaking of which, I don’t know what Virgil is saying either. I speak fluent Braxton. Inspector, around this time five years ago, I was the one talking to his box on the nightstand. And the only word that came out was-SORRY. I don’t get it.

I don’t get me. But for around $700… Are those slave prices? Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill… Effed me. How dare he or anybody? B III Braxton Barks Bradford. Anyway Inspector.

Seriously, my account is empty, but what about my empathy? Last night, M Anime was telling me about a horrific experience she endured or almost. The fear was very real.

Inspector, Five guys? Not the burger joint, though meat was involved. I’d cut them off…

So while she shared this, what do you think I was thinking? She’s safe and sound. Those S.O.B.’s my sadistic tendencies for all involved, them and her, and then “I Wanna Sex You Up.” Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and my deviance. Which is worse? B A Tax V.

1837 Days Without B III, Day 1278 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 221 ~Penniless Braxton And Virgil~

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To be a preacher, a porn star, or both as a politician. I wouldn’t be penniless. But I chose the gift or curse of prose, poetry, and simple words on paper. “In God We Trust,” it says on the “Dollar, dollar bill, y’all.” “Penniless Braxton And Virgil”

Saturday, February 7, 2026

Journey 221 ~Penniless Braxton And Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… If only, SIGH. A penny for my thoughts? I’d say people aren’t that STUPID. But then…

MAGA, Nazis, and old pervy men. Hell! Men period. Like I told M Anime yesterday.

Last night, to be specific. My dearest Lunalesca, “Someday,” I may be doing that, doing her, in person. And I hope I’ll be able to say to you that “you were always there for me.”

Okay, enough of the “Sugar Ray” lyrics. One more thing I’ve been doing with my morning, Lady Lu. Music. I’m still paying for Spotify, Hulu, and the Internet in general!

A hundred dollars. I’m all out of patience, money, and I’m “All Out of Love.” Tell that to Braxton, Virgil, M Anime, and eff, the “Man In The Mirror.” So a penny for my thoughts.

“A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ’em for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singin’
Funny when you’re dead, how people start listenin’.”

“If I Die Young.” Forty-one jamming to The Band Perry.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Why? Well, I’m scared for one thing. And fear doesn’t pay. Adds, multiplies, and divides.

Am I talking about myself or MAGA? One more reason to hide inside. Well, as long as I have a place to hide, that is. How much did I spend last night? Every penny matters.

Ironically, pennies are gone thanks to MAGA. Is that irony? Or isn’t it “Ironic” as Alanis Morissette would sing? I have no clue, but it’s effing weird. I go for walks with both of my boys. Virgil on a leash and Braxton’s ashes around my neck. The woman of my dreams lives hundreds of miles away. While any woman close would rip off my balls.

I’m complaining I’m broke, but seeing Cherry’s yabbos. Um broker.

Indecent Proposal as it is. And what about my woman? What about Braxton’s Favorite Girl? Should I say Virgil’s, too? He only met her once. “I’ve seen Better Days,” Lunalesca.

That’s what my boys would say if they could talk to you. Another bit of irony. I think that I’ve talked to Braxton more when I put him in a box than when he was lying next to me, like his little brother is now. Or I watch the Olympics, which is based on promoting world peace in a country at war with its past, its people, and promotes hatred among everyone, everywhere. Effing MAGA. I’d rather see fictional fights (wrestling) than the stupid bowl.

But I’m spending what on food! Penniless Braxton And Virgil

1833 Days Without B III, Day 1274 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 219 ~Minus Braxton and Virgil~

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So, if life is a game, then love is the instruction. B, His Favorite Girl, V, and M Anime, who loves me… And still I don’t effing love me. But maybe I’m not in the negatives. Oh right. Minus Braxton and Virgil.

Thursday, February 5, 2026

Journey 219 ~Minus Braxton and Virgil~

1831 Days Without B III, Day 1272 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I ask that every day, when you would emerge and when the house was empty.

And it was for around 559 days if the math is correct. But you know your Dad and Math, B III. Wasn’t I still in college… Ahem, junior college, when we first met? And according to my Math, you were supposed to outlive me. Come on, with my track record. Also, something I said to your potential stepmom yesterday. First off, Eww! And second History. But for now, there’s Math, and why this subject came to mind: the bank, Braxton.

Someone has their ones and zeros confused. And if it’s not that, look what time it is, Braxton. 4:40 AM? Madness. Your brother is here. How many hours has he just been lying here, Baby B? And one day I’ll be without him too. WTF!

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I’m always talking to you about language, so I apologize. And we’ll get to that too. Or maybe Science, Biology, how about P.E.? Eww! I should stop being gross. Although I don’t see nothing wrong, with a little “Bump N’ Grind.” This brings us back to History and the fact that I’m once again… Infatuated, Obsessed… Something with M Anime.

Braxton, you know I’ve been thinking plenty about you. The 31st, you “left”. The 4th: “I See Fire.” The 10th: “I retrieved you.” The 13th is your 21st birthday. Historical.

Honestly, I’m doing better than MAGA remembering. Except I‘m not doomed… I’m not Baby B. Call it “Faith of the Heart,” But I want to believe in M Anime. And your brother’s love and life.

Virgil’s life. I don’t know how he stands me sometimes. He talks to you, Braxton…

Let’s move into the paranormal. Why don’t we, hmm, B III? Am I Frankenstein, as I keep bringing you back? I could be the Umbrella corporation, which would make you Resident Evil… No, that’s me. Also, it’s effing February! But your spirit, specter, your sentients…

Hell, are we going to get into AI? “She Blinded Me with Science.” M Anime? No, “Son, what you don’t understand, my words might never explain.” What, her yabbos? Ha-ha!

“Don’t Look Down” on those Braxton. Just like Pizza Girl’s ass from Ian and Kye’s Pizza… Your Dad is just… A freak? A “Creep.” Yet love remains. Yours, V’s, and M’s. Minus Braxton and Virgil?

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 218 ~Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND?~

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The world keeps turning, without B III, with the dance M Anime and I are in. And milkshakes? If she’d charge me. How do I keep my head on straight when there are so many curves to traverse? And rounds to fight. Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND

Wednesday, February 4, 2026

Journey 218 ~Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND?~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And not just with my wording. And do you see what time it is? Where Is My Mind?

If my head could be anywhere this moment… Both of them… I’d choose Yabbos. And preferably, somewhere far away. “It’s the perfect time of year. Somewhere far away from here.” But while I would choose some woman’s Yabbos, I only want to leave because of this. Five years ago, somewhere in this state, I assume, my Little Braxton was cremated.

Thursday, February 4, 2021. Braxton got his walking papers on Sunday, January 31, 2021, so it wasn’t like he’d need his legs for much longer. That’s effed up, Inspector. Seriously.

But even more so is the fact that my boys, Braxton and Virgil, weren’t the first things on my brain. And it wasn’t even Yabbos. But we’ll get there. It was time. One, three zero.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

1:30 AM, and we are only now talking? I effed off for about an hour. Fell back asleep, and now these hands keep slipping back to the phone. And I wonder why I’m broke, Echo.

You don’t hear any round coins hitting the bank account lately. And I have to “pray” that the car keeps rolling. I hope Virgil keeps his little round head on. And what about my glasses? I need to set up an eye exam. And you know, people are asking about ones and zeros all around me. I effing hate math. Then there’s playing DJ at the Day Job? The music.

Playlist. Track numbers. I worry about the most useless things. Would I say the same thing about my black balls?

Well, they ain’t turning blue but not from a lack of trying. Am I trying to wreck things with M Anime again? And isn’t Cherry my friend? And I should check on Braxton’s Favorite Girl. She doesn’t even know me and M Anime, “Me and Mrs. Jones…” Hell if “I’ll grow to be a wise man. Well, I ask if I’ll grow old.” With who? I should make M Anime, my Julia (1984), my Mrs. Jones to be Mrs. Bradford. Crazy right? She admits infatuation. I call her “My Obsession.” Speaking of which, Cherry’s crying about money like we all are. And her two big money makers. Hell, I’d go broke for those. I see M’s for free. Boys, boobies, balls… Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND?

1830 Days Without B III, Day 1271 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 214 ~Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil~

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B would give me a look. I remember his last look before life left his eyes. I couldn’t close them. He saw me, his Dad. I didn’t get much sleep the night before we left. You want… ever… single second. It’s been 5 years. Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil

Saturday, January 31, 2026

Journey 214 ~Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Enough to buy my son’s life from the Grim Reaper, God, and a good night’s sleep?

Not tonight. Five years ago on this very night… Well, it’s morning now, but let’s start with Saturday, January 30, 2021. I was rushing between my son Braxton on the bed and his water bowl on the floor right next to him. Will you look at that, first tears, Lunalesca.

There’ll be plenty of those today, tomorrow, whenever. Anyway, my B was so strong, Lu.

He couldn’t stand me worrying, so he tried jumping out of bed, and I ended up sleeping in his room so he could be by the bowl he insisted on walking to, every single time.

Lunalesca, it was one of his last acts of defiance against death. Of all the bedtime stories I told my son… He’s going to die…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Nope! As far as I was concerned, he was going to live forever. Forever and always. My son, Braxton Barks Bradford, was/is invincible, immortal, and insane for loving me, Lu.

The father who failed him. Is this really how I wish to honor my boy? Last year, I wrote his story. Hell! I’ve penned two full-blown novels. One’s out, ha. The other? Book or son?

Virgil? Why is his Dad up at midnight chugging back energy drinks and writing about his dead brother? Other than missing him, being mad at the world, and trying to avoid the flat surface, which is the mattress. Eff Lunalesca! You know why I’m abstaining.

Braxton would think I need the love tonight. Not mourning a dead puppy. And Virgil?

He’s alive and well. 5 years old on the 5th anniversary of Braxton’s passing and 5 months without M Anime, though we “connected” earlier this week. To Forgive. To Accept.

Virgil as my son, my second-born? I’m trying, I swear. Called him B this afternoon…

Welcoming M Anime back into my universe. If I could, then I would. I’ll go “Wherever You Will Go.” Things you can say about your dog/son but not your Ex-Girlfriend?

Lunalesca, for now. I may accept us someday. But Braxton being gone? Again, never ever!

I refuse to accept that. So I will do as always. Cry. A burger and fries in the afternoon, Lu. BBQ for dinner. Movies. May my son Braxton Barks Bradford RIP. Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil

1826 Days Without B III, Day 1267 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 212 ~Sit-down And B Virgil~

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I didn’t see today like this. Five years ago, I got the call that my son was suffering from kidney failure. And I didn’t expect today I’d hear from another lost love, and “Oops (Oh My)” are those my pants? V and B are outside. “Sit-down And B Virgil”

Thursday, January 29, 2026

Journey 212 ~Sit-down And B Virgil~

1824 Days Without B III, Day 1265 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Around this time five years ago, I’m sure the answer would be Hell No, Braxton.

You were at the vet’s office. But I was imagining that “Big Beautiful Bill” for them to find out what was wrong with you. First off, Eww! Using the words of that orange doofus in the White House. I’m getting off topic, but someone got on me for using that A-Hole’s words yesterday. Blah, blah, “But that’s okay.” Ragebait. I’ll admit it. For the record…

Your Daddy is hopeless. Anyway, I was lying on this loveseat… Was that my meditation phase, or was I in bed sick, sleeping, or stroking it? Again Eww! Really! Seriously!

Anyway, five years ago today, I still had my world. I had you. However, you were in another’s hands. No guard duty for you, as you were interviewing for Heaven.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Hell! You could have been saving your strength to take on Cerberus, B. Dad’s Hell-bound?

After what happened to you? No question? Treachery in the Ninth Circle of Hell, Braxton.

But today, seeing “Well, we didn’t get dressed up for nothing.” Ain’t I lying? Honestly.

Braxton, this is definitely one of those times I would have sent you to your room for a while. I can’t say your little brother is “HAPPY” with me either. Virgil is literally hiding under his pillow. What? He had the whole damn loveseat for about an hour while I…

Gave into Sloth before Lust! Standing, lying down, or sitting, I’ll remain a “Lazy Ass.”

Brooms sang “Lazy Ass” best. So if you’re wondering why we’re talking right this minute…

A little while ago, I was standing outside with your little brother. And I was wondering what his malfunction is. He’s been here four years! I haven’t figured Virgil out.

Anyway, when I was thinking of going out, I started talking to M Anime. Don’t give me that look, B. “Here It Goes Again.” Locked doors, gates up, and me trying not to do laundry. Eww! But there’s a reason M Anime was nearly your stepmom, and she’s using two of her “assets” to convince me of her and my misunderstanding. Your Favorite Girl wouldn’t be happy. And me forgiving? I’ve been sitting here for five years, and I’ve never forgiven myself for losing you. $455.96 to find out… You’re dying. Sit-down And B Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 211 ~Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil~

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There’s a house, there’s a home, and then there’s this place. There’s “Fire and Desire,” but it’s all Hell. There are B and V. B’s a spirit, spook, or a specter, and V is a scaredy cat, um, dog. It’s a balancing act. “Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil”

Wednesday, January 28, 2026

Journey 211 ~Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… On this day five years ago, I stood between “rage and serenity.” The middle of the effing road.

The most dangerous place to drive. Really! Movie Quotes! X-Men: First Class vs. They Live. That reminds me. Am I watching dog movies Saturday, or The Mill, Spontaneous, and other things? Tradition, Inspector Echo. Braxton and my movie nights. Memories. Sometimes his Favorite Girl would be here to watch with us. I would read right from this loveseat. I cried my eyes out the first night B III passed. Hell, I sound like MAGA, Echo.

Unlike Trump and the Cracker Hats, I own my sins. Why isn’t Braxton here, Inspector? Because, with these hands, I signed away his life. I couldn’t protect my firstborn. Braxton.

“I’ve abandoned my child! I’ve abandoned my boy!”
Daniel Plainview

I’ve never seen the movie “There Will Be Blood.” But there was—anger at the Day Job, hiding from Braxton.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Indifference, my dear Inspector. This is my greatest sin. I don’t want to feel anything.

Man will always choose darkness rather than light. First, do I mean me? And second, I said choose, but there is no choice. I’m scared, I’m sinful in a PURGE sort of way. All crimes, including… And am I sexual? Yeah. I don’t choose. I fall. Tight rope be damned.

If Braxton were here, you could ask him. Good would have been recognizing something was wrong with him and getting help. Eff the Day Job. Bad would have been taking my anger at people out on him. But no, I picked him up and fell asleep—our last good sleep.

Up all night/morning Thursday, I called the vet that afternoon…

And? And! He would be dead by Sunday. All because I couldn’t maintain balance, Echo.

“Sitting in Limbo.” Only now it isn’t the Day Job—love vs. Later. B III vs 2-V They are both my sons, my kids. But between my sister and me. My Old Man clearly chooses her. And I can’t say I blame him. But I’m the same. I mourn Braxton, but where does V stand?

Love vs. Hate. I already told “her” that I don’t hate her. M Anime! Braxton’s Favorite Girl would kick my ass for talking to M Anime now. But between M and I… Rage, Lust, and…

Love? Nah… Braxton would bark I need to choose Love for myself. Life or death? Breathing? Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil

1823 Days Without B III, Day 1264 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 207 ~Compute B-V Minus M~

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Are you going to send this to her? B would be giving me that look. But he never met her. But he wanted his Favorite Girl to stay here forever. It’s what you get when you bake him a cake. I’ve wondered about M Anime’s wedding cake. Compute B-V Minus M

Saturday, January 24, 2026

Journey 207 ~Compute B-V Minus M~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And as dumb as most billionaires are, I’m sure they know their math. Eff me Lunalesca!

Well, not really! If anything, I should be effing M Anime, but no. I only want to remember this moment. M Anime’s Wedding Day? 5-Month Anniversary of breaking up? Guess.

Because I honestly don’t know. But I’m sitting on the loveseat, Virgil’s sleeping away the day, and Braxton’s spirit awaits my tears. But today is for M Anime. Potential Mrs…

Lunalesca, she’s not anymore, but if I could talk to her… Three-hundred words or less…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

M Anime,
It’s been five months. You ended a friendship of years and haven’t tried for five months. Hell! Neither have I. Because, like that August morning last year, I have no words on whatever happened. I still don’t know. I want to say I was wrong, which makes sense.

But that would make you like everybody else. That I simply being alive is wrong. Honestly, you are better. Or so I believed. You made me believe. Friends, fucking, family.

Love! A thing called love. After my Braxton. God, I told you all about my boys, you picked my brain, and I wanted to share my bed with you. And let’s not forget those books…

Everything I am I shared with you, and you didn’t back away until Sunday Morning.

Seriously, do you remember that? Music. You got me in a way no one has ever done in this life. Well, Braxton and his Favorite Girl? Braxton would have liked you. Virgil would have too. And Braxton’s Favorite Girl was already planning our wedding when I told her all about you. I wanted to tell the world. Someday maybe. Every day since you up and left. And again, I still don’t know why. Communication! Now that was always your thing.

That’s All I Ask Of You! You could have asked anything of me. There were no secrets between us. Am I ugly? Did I not have enough money? Did I bring up Braxton too much?

That last one… Guilty as charged, and that’s never changing. I love my Braxton. And I believed I was falling in love with you. And I wish you all the love in the world, still.

Love, May God’s love be with you always. Always and Forever. I believed in us, once. Compute B-V Minus M.

1819 Days Without B III, Day 1260 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will