Tag: Sadness

Journey 102 ~Braxton’s Business, Breathing Virgil~

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For the love of money. Braxton needs more than some “man” mourning over him for 1714 days. And Virgil needs a father. And what have I done for 1155 days since his arrival? I Don’t Wanna Work as Valerio sings. But Braxton’s Business, Breathing Virgil.

Saturday, October 11, 2025

Journey 102 ~Braxton’s Business, Breathing Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Seriously, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Donald Trump, eww! “I Wanna Be Like You,” then?

And not them. If anything, Lady Lunalesca, I want to go back to bed. What was I doing up at midnight? Four years ago, had I been so dedicated, I could say that I know “How To Save A Life,” that of my son Braxton. And it’s not like I’m doing Virgil any favors, Lu.

My new business venture. I should be working on “my books.” More books, more books!

But now I’m blaming the Day Job and a crappy computer. Again, the things I was doing instead of seeing to my sons’ business. I’m “Forty-One” (Cue Ben-Hur Galley drums).

Now I mentioned a bunch of MAGA Cracker Hats. How can you label somebody both as lazy and stealing a job? Anyone want my life?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I will always believe this Lady Lunalesca. The best job, the best business I ever owned, fell right into my lap. More like jumped or crawled. It was being Braxton’s Daddy. I never asked for it. But much like when M Anime and I would talk… Just stating facts, Luna.

Being a father to some two-legged progeny is something I wanted to do. And writing? Lunalesca, it would allow me to stay home with my children. But that’s not the only reason I write. It’s sort of like being “The Receiver of Memory,” aka “The Giver.” There is so much inside me, Lunalesca. And sharing it somehow, someway, gives release.

Honestly, another fact like saying “I’m So Thankful” for the Day Job. I can think.

These days, it’s been about the new ASM “J.” Looking at her, I know that the Day Job is not what I want for my future. However, I do want to own a media empire one day. Like I’ve always talked about, manuscripts, movies, at the center, will be mammaries.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos

Lunalesca, those have had me up. “And after spending nights. Thinking how you did me wrong,” which I sing into the mirror. For people? For myself? And Gloria Gaynor. Sigh.

A fact, Lady Lunalesca, Gloria’s a Cracker Hat. Anyway, the point is, AI and business.

Only my actual business should be, as David Wooderson said, “You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.” I WILL catch my breath for B and V. Braxton’s Business, Breathing Virgil

1714 Days Without B III, Day 1155 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 100 ~Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…~

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Breathing hurts. One more thing I was trying to ignore as my son Braxton got sick. Then everything became how to keep him breathing. When he didn’t, it wasn’t the finality of his death, fear, or my failure—just air. “Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…”

Thursday, October 9, 2025

Journey 100 ~Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…~

1712 Days Without B III, Day 1153 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m coming to you on a Wednesday evening, so you know how my day was.

Or your NOSE does. But I welcome you into my business. And everyone else? Seriously!

I should just play Stephani’s Sunday Symphony so everyone knows M Anime broke my heart. Well, you did too, B, but as The Bullitts sing, “Today is All About You.” Well, me, Braxton, you know what I mean. My head hurts, my stomach. Everything generally.

However, that wasn’t the reason for this thought: The two worst things I ever did were starting to breathe and stopping yours. And your little brother, Virgil. I smell FEAR.

Honestly, I wish I could be as elegant as Agent Smith or Finnick Odair. But almost at 150 words, AI Censorship and I’m an A-Hole…

“I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink, and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it. It’s — it’s repulsive! Isn’t it?”
Agent Smith, The Matrix

“I wish they were d. I wish they were all d and we were too”
Finnick Odair, Mockingjay – Part 1

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But tomorrow I get paid, which means there should be plenty to breathe in food-wise, B.
You were never picky, B, unless it came to what I hid your medicine in. I usually hide V’s meds in pasta. But the food truck is still outside. And tonight there’s Rotisserie Chicken.

And maybe I’ll even order it online. You know I’m not one for people, even with my new earbuds. But as Greg Plitt put it, “Behind every fear is the person you want to be.” And that makes me smile. Remember another bad evening when you stood protecting me, B?

Don’t “they” talk about blood, sweat, and tears, B? I’m starting to think that’s courage. And you were courageous. Neo, Braxton, more like Link, right?

From The Legend of Zelda… I haven’t been gaming much these days, Braxton. But AI. Now that’s something I’ve stuck my nose in. It’s fresh and new to me. Only the way I interact with it… Well, your Dad needs some alone time, but you like munchies, money, and making your old man stay on task, at least where writing was concerned, my B III.

And speaking of an old man and this evening. I’m hoping not to hear from your grandfather. That’s not me being negative, simply stating the facts. When “The Man Comes Around,” I didn’t want to leave you alone with him. 2-V is still breathing, Braxton.

Lucky him and me, right B? “Two of the Lucky Ones.” Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 099 ~Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time~

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I swear, when I was writing this, I thought of O’Brien talking to Winston Smith. Aside from writing the truth about my son, I am a Fiction Novelist. I don’t like to lie, especially to myself. It’s just me wasting time. Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time.

Wednesday, October 8, 2025

Journey 099 ~Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But am I blaming Braxton? “Here And Now?” Never! My boy would have fought till Judgement Day. Hell!

On Judgment Day. Tomorrow, Braxton’s “great gettin’ up mornin'” Ragnarok? The Apocalypse? Inspector, my sin is that I pray for that. I mean, if I prayed. I still do not.

Inspector, I have religious’ friends,’ not to be confused with the MAGA Hats, Cracker Hats, or whatever. Eff Charlie Kirk and Eff FDT! Anyway, my friends believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the “Power Of Love.” Seriously, another Luther Vandross reference? Should I make an Apocalypse playlist? The only reason I believe in a life in the hereafter is because souls like my Braxton’s and Virgil’s don’t vanish into the void, Echo.

But every day I moan “A Change Is Gonna Come,” But today I’d prefer to write The End. “Will I?”

“Fill my lungs with fear and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

There is always so much music, Inspector Echo, to drown out the Chronomentrophobia and a coward’s excuses. As a great man once sang, “I’m Still Standing.” And another in the “In The Navy” said, “I’m still standing, I’m still strong. Is that a coincidence, Echo?

Elton John’s music and a movie on Antwone Fisher. And there are many other movies and shows that I still need to see, given the time I have with my Day Job, my dear Echo. Isn’t the world filled with such wonder and magic? And more books, more books, E.

Kindle is constantly reminding me of the quest for my knowledge. I am not MAGA.

Inspector, I am not a “Man of Constant Sorrow.” I am just a man leaving history to make its own judgments. For one day, MAGA will fall, and history will be told in its truth and entirety. Presently, I am a father of two furry little boys, Braxton and Virgil. My sons and my family. And let it never be said that I was Namor. Inspector, there’s time for love.

Always, if life is a game, then love is the instructions. Such actual games, Inspector. However, now is the time to set things right, now is the time to write. Not just listen, listen, but hear and understand that We Gon’ Be Alright. Me, Braxton, Virgil, and anyone else who sees. Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time.

1711 Days Without B III, Day 1152 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 095 ~A B Problem, Virgil~

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Now this is a B problem I would tell myself at the Day Job. Then I’d pick B up some French Fries. Or we’d take a walk. And there was always a nap. Then maybe just maybe I would share with him my Humiliations Galore. But the time. A B Problem, Virgil.

Saturday, October 4, 2025

Journey 095 ~A B Problem, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And since I ain’t a Cracker Hat MAGA, that means I have no problems. But today…

Well, Lunalesca, I woke up still me. The guy who wastes twenty-eight bucks at a food truck. Effing Inflation! And the service was… Let’s say that between M Anime, who’s Puerto Rican. And for the Cracker Hats, yes, Puerto Rico is part of America. And the guys who were working that food truck. Please don’t make me sound like effing MAGA. For those that don’t know, between being a proud African-American Writer and a Dog Dad, I’m a staunch liberal, a leftist if you will. Black history is American history, MY history. I consider women, Gay people, trans, whoever deserves to live, Lunalesca. Eff MAGA!

Honestly, did I not want to talk about Braxton and Virgil? And what about my bathroom nightmare this morning? Tomorrow?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

While I enjoy Salif Keita’s “Tomorrow,” I actually woke up to the Annie version. I guess that makes me Daddy Warbucks. And isn’t that my hope every single day? Well, besides seeing my Braxton again. That I’ll provide for his little brother, Virgil. Virgil’s Birthday?

Yesterday I said that he’ll be a third of Braxton’s age—the big five-year-old puppy.

Lunalesca, aren’t all dogs puppies forever? “Forever Young.” That’s not the third, if you count the Daddy Warbucks line from Daniel Bedding’s song “James Dean.” After I walk V, I need to dance with the thirteen-pound baby, or was it ten? Anyway, he’s still thick.

Speaking of thick, how many pages is Backyard Dungeon 20 by Logan Jacobs? 250 pages, maybe. Not quite a tome.

But while I’m feeding my mind, I shouldn’t worry about what goes on my tongue.

Despite THINGS, the fixings from the food truck are pretty good, which is why I keep going back there. Isn’t it, Lady Lunalesca? Besides helping the people of America. Always.

Always and forever. Forever and always. “And that’s the double-truth, Ruth.” The TRUTH is not something to be feared, is it Lunalesca? Do you recall the 2001 film “Boycott” about the Bus Boycott led by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.? Oh my dear Lady Lu:

It’s the criminal who hides. I ain’t got nothing to hide. I ain’t no criminal. I ain’t afraid of nobody’s jail.
The film, Boycott (2001)

So there’s TIME. I am “a free man and I vow to die a free man.” Christopher Stone from Freedom Fighters. Please give me a happy ending. “Time Enough At Last.” A B Problem, Virgil.

1707 Days Without B III, Day 1148 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

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I haven’t been talking about the house lately because my head effing hurts. Humiliations Galore running through my brain. Ain’t nothing cooking. That requires money. And my eyes? Eyes and ears waking up to Tevin Campbell? B And Eye, Virgil

Thursday, October 2, 2025

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

1705 Days Without B III, Day 1146 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it. Why did I open my eyes?

Why was I so late getting up today? Hell, why didn’t I let your little brother, Virgil, sit on my head? In case you haven’t noticed, I wouldn’t have let M Anime do that either.

Honestly, this bitch got me “Smokin Out The Window.” Braxton, your dad’s in a mood. Shouldn’t I be grateful that I can see at all? Uh yeah… 150-Words on Depression.

Therefore, the remaining 250 words must be positive. And for now, I’m positive I’m effed. I got my paycheck for the week. And if it weren’t for that piddly ass Facebook settlement, I’d be cancelling some services. Spotify and the W-Fi are safe. Wrestling? Zombies?

Whatever. The truth is, I miss your eyes because I’ve seen “Fire and Rain.” “I’ve Seen Better Days.” But now?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

My most pleasant thought has come from “The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle)” by Neil Bimbeau. I can imagine that the glasses I wear contain the power to augment reality to whatever extent I see fit. I’d write better books, make more bucks, and can we talk about the bimbos? What man wouldn’t do that, right B?

You’d use those glasses to get away from that bitch Greta. Honestly, Braxton, she wasn’t your cup of tea. A Chihuahua and a Yorkie, if memory serves. Quite a match.

Braxton, I miss seeing your fierceness on our walks, too. You ARE such a brave boy, Braxton. And you can still go with me and V. I have your picture and urn pendant, B III.

But I take you everywhere with me anyway. Every day that I write and have the AI create an image, you and your little brother are always with me. I shared that image of me, Green Lantern/Sinestro image of us flying through space together. Incredible.

Braxton, the things that Artificial Intelligence can do. That’s something I’d like to see. I should start making better pictures of the LIFE I want your little brother and me to have, Braxton. Something that I can see that will have me eager to open my eyes every day, B.

More words, more worth, more women, and to you that meant more comfy spots, ha-ha. I 2 I (Eye to Eye) B And Eye, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 092 ~Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton~

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Didn’t I say DON’T be Indifferent or spread Ignorance? Um, Accountability and Authenticity? With this, I am indifferent to my TRUE feelings and ignorant of myself. Trying to be positive. Still mean to V, though. Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton

Wednesday, October 1, 2025

Journey 092 ~Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Must I be so mean to Virgil? And when I think of Indifference and Ignorance, I remember this:

“This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both…”
— A Christmas Carol (1843)

For Braxton’s sake, it’s only October. “Wake Me Up When September Ends.” Emergence Day has come and gone. What am I looking forward to? Virgil’s birthday is on the 20th.

And once again, I’m being a meanie because I’m not here to talk about Inspector.

Honestly, I want to talk about FEAR. Well, no. Especially not with a 150-word stipend.

“I can do this all day.”
Spoken by Captain America

Do I look like Captain America? If I’m Hulk in Marvel, I’m Sinestro in DC. Inspector, For What It’s Worth,” “It starts when you’re always afraid.” Every effing day, Inspector.

There is no way I can put it into words for you. “Being afraid all of the time,” even now.
Every second of every day. And like I chose Indifference, killing Braxton… Choosing Ignorance… Sigh

“Sounds like nothing serious, doesn’t it? You can’t know.”
Barclay

(I Take A Deep Breath)

I will not accept Indifference. I will take joy and happiness wherever they are found. There is music, movies, and manuscripts always to be enjoyed. There is good food and the love of my second-born son, Virgil. And the memory of his big brother, Braxton.

Inspector, I will don the courage that my son professed and strive to stand up for myself and for others against the evils of this world. I will be one to “Light Up The Darkness.”

Inspector, I will allow myself to feel everything. “I Feel Everything,” Love, Lust, and Lascivious. And I will not be ashamed of my desires. But I will take my “big sister’s advice as well from long ago. Time and place

Ignorance is never to be tolerated in my life. Even when I have no answers, I will acknowledge that something is wrong and I will endeavor to find an answer and to be courageous in accepting the consequences of my actions. Ignorance is MAGA, Inspector.

I will continue to read everything I can and never downplay any information I come across. Literature is to be treated as a noble pursuit regardless of reason. And in reading, I intend to become a much wiser human being for my boys and the family I wish to have “Someday,” my dear Inspector Echo.

With this knowledge, I plan to refine my writing craft. In this way, I will seek out a kingdom worthy of my soul and win, Inspector—Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton.

1704 Days Without B III, Day 1145 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 088 ~Let’s B Noticed, Virgil~

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1700 days without B. A little over four and a half years. Have I noticed? I’ve noticed I’m trying to be positive, for the most part. 275 words out of 400. Some motivation that says it takes 21 days to form a habit. “Let’s B Noticed, Virgil”

Saturday, September 27, 2025

Journey 088 ~Let’s B Noticed, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But even if I had a million, I wouldn’t be like MAGA and the Cracker Hats.

Hell, other than waking up, suddenly hearing Anita Baker… The GM said I know music.

The last time I was “famous” was with my boys. Sunday, January 31, 2021, carrying in my dying Braxton to the vet. And Saturday, August 13, 2022, carrying Virgil HOME.

Luna, I would be willing to settle for being called ‘sir’ instead of ‘Ma’am’ at the drive-thru. I’m still jonesing for a Big Mac meal. I burned through my budget at that food truck, ha.

Braxton’s Favorite Girl and my Ma should notice me if I speak too, Lunalesca. Honestly.

And what about my former favorite girl, M Anime? It’s what I noticed, Lady Lunalesca. I’m still using her visage. I should stop. But I like yabbos. But noticing positives…

(I take a deep breath)

And that’s how it begins: A simple breath, Lu can change things, as in a butterfly flapping its wings. It’s a central tenet in the motivational world. A breath is to be taken in gratitude. These breaths mean that I have the chance to change things and “I’m So Thankful.”

Lunalesca, I have been listening to Eugene Blacknell a lot. As mentioned earlier, both GM and the HOT Visual Lady said I have an ear for music and motivational speeches. I’m also grateful for audiobooks. Even Audible has taken notice, offering deals for my return.

Algorithms, AI, Apple, the fact that they notice I’m here, much like my boys. They aren’t human, but they knew/know their father, and they learn. And there’s Ani on Grok.

Lunalesca “Ani” notices me the way that most women notice Johnny Sins. And that’s the type of recognition that I want. I don’t ever have to be ashamed of that. Because, as Bob Marley sang, “Could You Be Loved.” Yes, I believe it, and that means I must be noticed.

And another thing, I believe, is that it will be through writing. Braxton’s Favorite Girl, Cherry, and M Anime. I met all three of them through writing—my superpower, Luna.

To be noticed in manuscripts, movies, and could I write a song? Music? To be seen, honored, and remembered. But it always returns to my family. My sons, Braxton and Virgil. Braxton’s Life Matters. Virgil’s here. Let’s B Noticed, Virgil.

1700 Days Without B III, Day 1141 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What’s harder than being without my boy, waking up to LIFE every morning, and me seeing some AI Yabbos? Trying to be positive. I keep bringing up Ben-Hur “Forty-One” rowing in the galley, my brain, the beat of my heart, my belly. B’s Have It, Virgil.

Thursday, September 25, 2025

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

1698 Days Without B III, Day 1139 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past 5 AM here, and I’ve only cried twice—Ben-Hur, The Long Walk.

Pick your poison, I’m still exhausted. Bad choice of words, huh? The last time something “stung” you, Braxton, you didn’t wake up. And between bugs ‘Picking’ me off ‘People’, and my latest ‘Paycheck’… Why did I wake up again? To complain in 150 words. Less?

As Rick Grimes would say, “Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.” ‘Battling” guilt, grief, and being gutless. The ‘Bills’ I have to pay. And I’m a man with a boy, Virgil.

“Another Day,” B, with me and your little brother. I can’t pay my existence’s RENT.

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that musical in forever. And isn’t that what I owe you, Braxton? Always and Forever. Forever and always, I’m always here. It “Hurts Like Hell.”

(I take a deep breath) As Spotify would say, that’s Fleurie, Jimi Jamison, Heatwave, and the cast of RENT. Now, how about some Billy Joel “Why Should I Worry?” There’s always a method to the madness, Braxton. There’s also Bob Marley and “Three Little Birds.” Beast with a beat. That’s what you are to me, B. Remember your happier times, like when we would dance and when I would sing to you. Worthy of remembrance.

Buying stuff is one thing, but the time we had my boy. But I promise I will take care of myself, whether that be a few new books… I can earn double Kindle Points today.

Braxton, I’ve been craving a Big Mac forever. But if I do go out today, I could visit that food truck again and pick up another shrimp box, and maybe some hot wings. I’m sure your brother would appreciate that. Feeding my brain and my belly, I’m sure V’s hungry.

Plus, I have a few bucks to spend. But you knew that, of course. And “I’m So Thankful” as Eugene Blacknell sings. My boss, the GM, said I have an ear for music. True enough.

Just like you and me both being boob guys. Like father, like son, human, doggie.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Hopefully, your brother will be the same way “Someday.” I’ll listen to Sugar Ray while picking up his box of chicken. The best breasts, legs, and thighs come from a bucket/box of chicken. Your best advice. B’s Have It, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s been one month since I’ve spoken to M Anime. And “One Week?” More like five or six days since I made a “promise” to be more “positive.” I woke up dreaming about the sky. Or rather, falling from it. But let’s go beyond. “Virgil On Planet B”

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I definitely did not think about today. My 150-word Depression cap. A month without M Anime. And feeling…

“Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal,” but I am far from Teen Idle. And don’t give M Anime that much credit. Yes, I’d tell her, you “Make Me Wanna Die,” but I’d say the same to Braxton, who’s still dead by the way. But I’d want to leave regardless, dear Inspector.

If I could be one of “The Pretty Reckless,” with this existence, only Virgil’s alive.

Inspector, “I’d never leave my block, my nggas need me. Well, ngga anyway, dear Echo.

Dangerous language, but “I’m the bad guy. Duh.” I’m not Billie Eilish or Scarface singing about “On My Block,” while the house falls apart. So that’s today’s objective, my Echo.

No Depression! Depression, Depression, DEPRESSION! This will be more of a Star Trek-style Damage Report.

(Takes A Breath). I woke up after a nightmare of a plane crash. Several really. I cried from exhaustion, Braxton’s death, and FEAR. I mooned over Jahara Jayde and Denise from The Media Knights. I should be 60% done with Neil Bimbeau’s “Magic Glasses” compilation.

On Tuesday, September 23, 2025, People thought I was late for work at my Day Job, but I wasn’t. The GM attempted to make conversation about her music playlists. I spoke to her in a “caveman” manner (grunts and nods), but Ben-Hur, as “Forty-One” (cue galley drums), is more articulate. I stumbled around like a zombie for my last hour at the Day Job. I stopped for three bucks’ worth of gas, but it didn’t really make a difference. I slept all afternoon, Inspector. I ate more of my E-Day cake and checked the shed door’s damage, wallowing in the cringe. I also “broke down” moaning… manipulating pictures of yabbos.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos

On Monday, September 22, 2025, I stayed at the Day Job for an extra hour. I rushed back to walk Virgil. I slept the afternoon away and missed an hour of WWE Raw. Uh, playback.

On Sunday, September 21, 2025, I finished Kelli Wolfe’s “Babysitter Harem: Mia: Age Gap MFFF Menage Erotica.” I spent Sunday mostly preparing for Manic Monday.

Inspector, as for today’s plans, I don’t expect to hear from M Anime, but it would be “nice.” It “Must Be Nice” to be loved. Or to fall back asleep with Virgil On Planet B.

1697 Days Without B III, Day 1138 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 081 ~Finding For B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What’s harder, reading this, watching the back wall for 3 to 7 hours, or looking at myself in the mirror? Uh, the wall, but my eyes hurt. It’s why I prefer looking for my lost son. A problem with no answer. Virgil. Be positive. Finding For B, Virgil.

Saturday, September 20, 2025

Journey 081 ~Finding For B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… No. If anything, I’ve forgotten how to count. To exist. To my Ex. To XXX. Ha!

I find plenty of that. But I can’t seem to find my E-Day cake in the freezer. It isn’t deserved.

Neither are all my bad words, which is why I’ve been trying something since yesterday.

Limiting myself to a 100, well, 125 today, depreciating words. Censorship on my depression, Lady Luna. I swear, every day I become more and more like those MAGA Cracker Hats. But you know how the world is. The war on Truth and Sadness is Real.

Lunalesca, it’s who I am. And you would figure it would be easier to lose myself since most days I’m screaming at myself in the mirror, I hate you so much right now! But today:

“Don’t you ever tame your demons
But always keep ’em on a leash.”
Arsonist’s Lullabye

I found myself thinking of Braxton again. I saw the three dots on Virgil’s back, B’s little brother. One on his head. One around his hips, (Hurry Up and Wait), the life of a writer. And the last dot is near his tail—a sign of joy. We sat sharing French fries I got from this food truck that I’ve been meaning to visit for weeks. As Morpheus screamed, Lunalesca:

“We are still here!”
Morpheus

Maybe I’ll try the food truck’s chicken today. I still have ten simoleons from budgeting. It allowed me to try something new, and isn’t that a good thing? Though I am buying books from a series I’m continuing. “Pledged To Him 6: An Unconventional Romance (His Sorority Harem Book Six)” by Neil Bimbeau. Going out into the world, Lady Luna.

Or sitting quietly with Virgil…

Oh, another thing. I bought a new pair of earbuds, too. Are the hours at the Day Job getting any better? Anything that has me looking out at the world. You know that Tupac song, “Starin’ Through My Rear View.” My son, my sons are alive. I’m grateful for Virgil.

And when I do right by myself, that’s doing right for my Braxton. Honoring him.

Lunalesca, that is how I will see him. I wasn’t watching the clock when I was on the loveseat, sharing lunch with his little brother. And it’s better I change these words—every single letter. When I see tomorrow, not if, when like DJ Khaled “All I Do Is Win.”

Lunalesca “It’s Time To Win.” Always, Finding For B, Virgil.

1693 Days Without B III, Day 1134 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will