Tag: Sadness

Journey 207 ~Compute B-V Minus M~

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Are you going to send this to her? B would be giving me that look. But he never met her. But he wanted his Favorite Girl to stay here forever. It’s what you get when you bake him a cake. I’ve wondered about M Anime’s wedding cake. Compute B-V Minus M

Saturday, January 24, 2026

Journey 207 ~Compute B-V Minus M~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And as dumb as most billionaires are, I’m sure they know their math. Eff me Lunalesca!

Well, not really! If anything, I should be effing M Anime, but no. I only want to remember this moment. M Anime’s Wedding Day? 5-Month Anniversary of breaking up? Guess.

Because I honestly don’t know. But I’m sitting on the loveseat, Virgil’s sleeping away the day, and Braxton’s spirit awaits my tears. But today is for M Anime. Potential Mrs…

Lunalesca, she’s not anymore, but if I could talk to her… Three-hundred words or less…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

M Anime,
It’s been five months. You ended a friendship of years and haven’t tried for five months. Hell! Neither have I. Because, like that August morning last year, I have no words on whatever happened. I still don’t know. I want to say I was wrong, which makes sense.

But that would make you like everybody else. That I simply being alive is wrong. Honestly, you are better. Or so I believed. You made me believe. Friends, fucking, family.

Love! A thing called love. After my Braxton. God, I told you all about my boys, you picked my brain, and I wanted to share my bed with you. And let’s not forget those books…

Everything I am I shared with you, and you didn’t back away until Sunday Morning.

Seriously, do you remember that? Music. You got me in a way no one has ever done in this life. Well, Braxton and his Favorite Girl? Braxton would have liked you. Virgil would have too. And Braxton’s Favorite Girl was already planning our wedding when I told her all about you. I wanted to tell the world. Someday maybe. Every day since you up and left. And again, I still don’t know why. Communication! Now that was always your thing.

That’s All I Ask Of You! You could have asked anything of me. There were no secrets between us. Am I ugly? Did I not have enough money? Did I bring up Braxton too much?

That last one… Guilty as charged, and that’s never changing. I love my Braxton. And I believed I was falling in love with you. And I wish you all the love in the world, still.

Love, May God’s love be with you always. Always and Forever. I believed in us, once. Compute B-V Minus M.

1819 Days Without B III, Day 1260 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 205 ~Braxton NOSE Women, Virgil~

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“I loved, and I loved, and I lost you, and it hurts like hell.” I’ve been singing that a lot: my firstborn, my potential missus. Then I’m reading about a guy with three women. All brides? Where’s my woman? B would’ve known. Braxton NOSE Women, Virgil

Thursday, January 22, 2026

Journey 205 ~Braxton NOSE Women, Virgil~

1817 Days Without B III, Day 1258 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day? Well, I’m sitting next to Virgil. Not your Favorite Girl or M Anime.

But your brother, who was asleep last night, gratefully as I read “Pledged To Him 8: An Unconventional Romance (His Sorority Harem Book Eight)” by Neil Bimbeau. Or he was faking it, waiting for me to go to bed. I woke up at 3:45 AM with all the lights on…

Anyway, this is more a conversation for Lady Sophia, but “we men, ain’t we? Glory! Anyway, so I’m reading, and you know your Dad. I’m like an effing Oracle! I have a nose for books. And each one tells me exactly what I need to hear. A man who lost his wife gains a harem and marries a group of his girls. Three to be precise. Two blondes, but an Asian girl is number one.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

So M Anime? She was my number one. But she was from Puerto Rico. We’ll get to that B III.

Only I was thinking that the closest I ever had to a harem was your Favorite Girl, M Anime, and Cherry. I’ll never forget how you chose your Favorite Girl. You hated her for months and then sometime in April… Not to be confused with “Sometimes in April.” That movie was effed up and a true story. Braxton, your Favorite Girl, lay on the loveseat and covered her face. I let you go. “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp.

“I got a snow bunny and a black girl, too. You pay the right price. and they’ll both do you.”

Kidding! But you sniff her all over and next thing you know, you’re besties. Traitor.

Again, kidding! That’s for next week. But you love her.

You would be going on twenty-one this year. I wish you were here, son. I’d have to place you on M Anime, and you could have sniffed her out. I would have kicked her out…

Yeah, right! Yabbos blind Your Daddy. Some nice melons, and who cares what you think? All I know is I “Just can’t stop thinkin’ ’bout you,” well, M Anime this week. You are my son. Your Favorite Girl and I were “Just Friends. But M Anime? “I’ll Be His Misses.”

Braxton, she ain’t singing that to me. She’s not my Anya Jenkins, Julia, or Melina.

Honestly, your Dad is Forty-One and maidenless. And I’ll never be, buy three engagement rings rich. But you remain. And Virgil. Braxton NOSE Women, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 204 ~B Needs Blankets, Virgil~

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Last week I said I wanted to put my head under the covers. Wouldn’t that be WHITE of me? Scared and wearing bedsheets over my face… Excuse me, their effing MAGA hats. But no, I want to be seen, crying over my son and my girl. B Needs Blankets, Virgil

Wednesday, January 21, 2021

Journey 204 ~B Needs Blankets, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What? Have I not given Braxton and M Anime the wall-to-wall mourning and misery they deserve? Blanket coverage?

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Inigo, The Princess Bride

Thank you, Inigo Montoya, but I have bigger sins. Three if I’m specific. Although SIGH…

“Sigh No More.” Well, not until E-Day anyway. But the fact that I’ve had Forty-One E-Days (Cue Ben-Hur Galley Drums) is a sin in and of itself. The fact that I’m breathing, that I don’t want to be, that “I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.” “Sometimes, yet I still pretend.” That brings me back to the big two, Inspector. “Love and Happiness?”

Without my son, Braxton. Without my girl, M Anime. Why aren’t we talking about them?

I swear at the Day Job, I wanted to scream out, “My son is dead!” I could play his songs…

Next week? Am I trying to get fired? Beats Frozen.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

And while we’re on the subject of Elsa and Anna… Day One? Eww. Relax, Inspector, it wasn’t those sisters that got me off this afternoon. But it wasn’t M Anime either. And that’s my point right there. What am I planning for this week and Saturday? As if grieving is supposed to be a surprise. I’ve mourned Braxton for going on five years. But the woman I was going to marry, potentially, and who was going to have my children.

Inspector, this is new. So I thought I would dance to the two songs I dedicate to her. Those are: “Days Go By” by Dirty Vegas and “King of Wishful Thinking” by Go West. Hmm.

Sorry, I’m not Rick Grimes. I lost my family, Inspector.

“You ain’t no kind of man if you ain’t got land.”
Spoken by Delmar O’Donnell

And thank you as well, Delmar O’Donnell. Or should I speak as Prince Hector did, with all the honor the gods, love your woman, and defend your country? Braxton was more than a prince. He was my little god. And I failed him as I fail his little brother Virgil.

Woman? My woman? She’s married or is about to be married to someone else in Georgia, Georgia… So close and yet so far. But I’ve been thinking of that Ludacris tune for weeks, Inspector. Earworm? Like “I’m only a man in a silly red sheet.” I’m not her Superman, E.

It’s not easy to be me, Inspector. “I’m only a man in a funny red sheet. My country? Eff MAGA! But B Needs Blankets, Virgil

1816 Days Without B III, Day 1257 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 200 ~This’ll B Hell, Virgil~

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If it ain’t cold outside… I spend hours fighting in “Whiteout Survival” with an alliance I don’t like, to avoid thinking about a job I despise, a girl who broke my heart, and the fact I hate that my Braxton has gone away. So, “This’ll B Hell, Virgil”

Saturday, January 17, 2026

Journey 200 ~This’ll B Hell, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So is it hot in the Fourth Circle of Hell? According to Succubus Lord, it’s nice.

Still dreaming I’ll be Jacob with twenty different women. No, my dreams have not been so lovely as of late. But remind me I have to restart my WANK counters sometime today, Lunalesca. The whole year shot to Hell because of Supersized Slobberknockers. Uh, no…

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos

But there were a lot of them—seventeen days’ worth. But we’ll get to that shortly. First, what is Hell? Shouldn’t I be asking, or instead singing, “What Is Love?” I want to look both up, but a crappy computer, plus caving to an online game… Whiteout Survival. And canines. Virgil in this world and Braxton in the next. So Lunalesca, here’s my two cents.

Hell to me is waking up. Different than being WOKE. Fuck MAGA and FDT always.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I’ll stay WOKE ATF as the kids would say… Really? Anyway, what I mean is being awake in the literal sense, frozen, funds lost, and not a friend in the world. Didn’t I say my boys are here? Didn’t I talk to Braxton’s Favorite Girl yesterday? And I even spoke with my alliance this morning. But the noise, the knowing that I’m not a nice person, and the never-ending FEAR. Of people? Of failing my boys? No, I’ll never get over it. I swear I’ll never know ACCEPTANCE when it comes to my son. I mean, call me a monster. My grandfather died in January a few years back. But I mourn Braxton and not some man, Lady Lunalesca. Somebody That I Used To Know.

Like “Me So Horny.” If I don’t go directly to the Ninth Circle of Hell, that’s Treachery for those in the know. I’ll go to the Second Circle of Hell, Lust. Hello Luna, if I didn’t betray Braxton, then all of the ICE agents, Cracker Hats, and MAGA enthusiasts that end up on the business end of the noose will fill up the Ninth Circle quickly—the good ole USA.

Lunalesca, I was all about Hentai, an Asian mom, and women taking their yabbos everywhere, while I made a mess. Eww! Virgil was late getting me out of bed, Lu. I can’t blame him. His name comes from Dante’s Inferno, yet I wanted him to have Sympathy For The Devil. Living? This’ll B Hell, Virgil

1812 Days Without B III, Day 1253 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 198 ~A CAPITAL B Virgil~

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I figured I’d leave my boy before he left me. He’d see 20, and I would finally do something about my bipolar depression. Hell, I had that way before I even met him. And I got Virgil from “behind bars.” Yet I SEEK my own punishment… A CAPITAL B Virgil

Thursday, January 15, 2026

Journey 198 ~A CAPITAL B Virgil~

1810 Days Without B III, Day 1251 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day? First and foremost, I’m feeling glad that I made it back to you.

“I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” But honestly, my face hurts (I fell asleep in my glasses), and my fingers are frozen. And if I’m going to get effed, hopefully it will be before Tuesday, SIGH. Eww! And I didn’t mean that kind of effed. Door or back scratching, no.

“Time of the Season?” Braxton, “Every Day Is Exactly the Same.” But in January, sh*t!

While I repeat the day you passed away. It seems I want to repeat the same emotions I had over the course of the month. And the primary emotion included the phrase “Please put your hands behind your back, sir.” Then you died, and I actually deserved some jail time. And I know I’m going to Hell. Ninth Circle bound.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

So today at the Day Job was practice. And I think I get what Milton/Nicolas Cage was saying in the movie “Drive Angry.” Did we ever watch that B III? Your Dad and his films.

Burning is nothing? There was the RAGE I felt that whole week. There was the ruttin’ for way wrong things. Full Transparency? But most of all, I remember the shame, B, I had failed you.

I was burning through pages of books that brought the two of us nothing, all so I could work at the place that killed you. My Day Job? The only people next to me. Seriously.

Didn’t I mention rutting? What was I looking at, lusting for, just leering galore, and I thought I’m in trouble.

And that leads me to M Anime. I told her I’ve never met “A Girl Like You” before. And I’ve never met a fur buddy like you, Braxton. I met your little brother, Virgil, in August of 2022. So should I meet a facsimile of M Anime around March 2027? I don’t think so, B.

“I’ll Never Fall in Love Again.” Actually, while I was freezing in that truck today, I believe I was singing “Teen Idle,” you know, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” But I have 2-V, B.

And the first time I got arrested, you weren’t born. Terrible or terrorist as a father, a boyfried/husband, a writer, and a man in “Capital Letters,” I did it “My Way,” A CAPITAL B Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 197 ~Codename B, 002 V~

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Secret Agent Man, when really all I want to do is put my head under the covers and hide for… eternity? But Braxton beat me to it nearly five years ago. On the 31st. So what has me wanting to hide today? Trump, trouble, and twins. “Codename B, 002 V.”

Wednesday, January 14, 2026

Journey 197 ~Codename B, 002 V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But I have vomited… Yet. I’ve been very, very STUPID. I’ve seen a woman’s well, several women’s vagains.

Now that was awesome. And I wish I could say “Everything Is Awesome.” But Inspector?

I haven’t vomited yet. And I’m feeling quite sick. It’s of my own doing, of course. Hell, saying “of course” makes me sicker. I mentioned I finished reading Braxton’s novel…

And that makes me feel STUPID? My Dear Inspector Echo, you can take your pick.

Another day at the Day Job, perhaps. Only today did I realize MAGA Cracker Hats surround me. And yet I’m still the Village Idiot when it comes to those people. You can take what I did while sitting here a few minutes ago. That didn’t help me at all, Echo. Getting “Down With The Sickness?” And this is yet one more day Braxton is gone.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

January is going to be one mother effing month, Inspector. If I survive today, tomorrow…

Hell, if I get to the 18th… Braxton knows what MAGA will do on Monday. And I’ll never mention M Anime again after the 24th. The 5-month breakup Anniversary, Inspector.

Honestly, how do I fix my mouth to lie like that? Or my fingers to type out such and such.

“Anxiety, keep on trying me
I feel it quietly, tryna silence me.”
Anxiety ‧ Doechii

“It’s not over
Because a part of me is dead and in the ground
This love is killing me, but you’re the only one.”
Daughtry

Anxiety is killing me right now, but ok, let’s say I make it to the 25th, what comes next, hmm? The end of the month? The day I committed the greatest crime. My Braxton died.

And not a day goes by that I wish I hadn’t joined him. You want a song, my Dear Echo.

He Lives In You. Always.

And that is what makes me ashamed of the things I do. Braxton was/is the Pete McVries to my Ray Garraty. And for once, I am talking about the movie over the book. Braxton reminds me a bit of my “big sister.” She told me, “You can’t build a strip club next to a school or something to that effect. Quite true. But honestly, I’m like “The Running Man.”

Inspector, I’m not escaping, I can’t get away. There “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked.”

Inspector? Who I am and who I want to be is the distance between a woman’s Yabbos. Seriously, on a good day, it’s from her mouth, to her yabbos, to her… I should stop. Echo. Eww. Codename B, 002 V

1809 Days Without B III, Day 1250 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 193 ~Braxton’s Off Days Virgil~

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I spent a Friday night crying about a Saturday afternoon because, unfortunately for me, it will lead to a Sunday Morning. We aren’t close to Easter. Even if we were, I’m not a Christian, just lazy accountable. Now my son… “Braxton’s Off Days Virgil.”

Saturday, January 10, 2026

Journey 193 ~Braxton’s Off Days Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… How? Did I create some all-powerful energy shot? Hell, can we agree on no more “five-hours?”

All I know is I was exhausted yesterday. And don’t forget starving. Then the rain.

Honestly, that’s the only reason I didn’t stop at the food truck. Don’t they sell burgers as well? Braxton would love them being so close by. Anyway, I had to support a billion-dollar corporation, so McDonald’s it is. An hour or so later, I’m conked out, only to have to read about how I failed my son, I miss wrestling, and the storm won’t let up a tiny bit, Lunalesca. Virgil’s been inside forever… But before that, he crapped outside the bedroom. So he’s been in time-out. And speaking of time-out, after taking a shower.

Seriously! That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spotlight. Losing my religion,” Luna.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Yesterday was my first breakdown day of the new year. A Friday? Sunday is always the worst when it comes to the week. One exception is The Walking Dead… Maybe.

However, the worst months of the year are January, August, and September. Why is that?

January is when Braxton died. And in this particular January, M Anime (My Ex) is getting married, if she isn’t already. And on the 24th, will I ever speak of her ever again? I don’t know, but in the words of Teen Idle, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” SIGH

Lunalesca, I’m not sure when I met M Anime, but she left Sunday, August 24, 2025. And I started ruining Virgil’s life on Saturday, August 13, 2022. And then September…

“Wake Me Up When September Ends…” So cut to me being Forty-One (cue Ben-Hur galley drums). Lying on the floor in a bath towel, feeling like Tommy Pickles bottle less.

And that was a Friday night. Was it Braxton, that burger, or some Bourica’s yabbos?

Braxton was my rock or “The Rock” because “It Doesn’t Matter!” That’s his barking, Lu.

Mr. No Days Off. Any “I watch my youngest son, and it helps to pass the time.” That would be Braxton’s little brother, Virgil. He’s been pacing forever and a day waiting for the rain to end. And what about the pain? Why do I relate to The Long Walk, The Running Man, The Mill, etc.? No days off. Live? Die? Braxton’s Off Days Virgil

1805 Days Without B III, Day 1246 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 191 ~B Patient. Will V~

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“Wooo. It’s like a drug. Wearing these glasses gets you high, but you come down hard,” as Nada said in “They Live.” And speaking of glasses, I need to have an eye exam this month. Head examinations cost a whole lot more. “B Patient. Will V”

Thursday, January 8, 2026

Journey 191 ~B Patient. Will V~

1803 Days Without B III, Day 1244 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Nine times out of ten, you knew my answer. But with my refusal to answer…

Well, as I tell everyone… I’m here. Hungry, horny, and playing the hater, but here.

Breathing, as much as I wish I wasn’t… Oops, did I say that out loud? It’s not like this, Succubus Lord, and I can be responsible for your… End. Again? I still haven’t requested time off at the end of the month. And secondly, I’ve said a lot worse things this new year. Just eww.

So, the first week. How’d I like it? I wish I knew how yours in Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever was week one. “Where’d You Go,” as the song goes. I swear, your book.

Honestly, it brought me to tears… With how bad it is. But your brother was patient as I read it.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

As for myself? Ok, as the song goes, I feel angry, I feel helpless, I feel violent, I feel alone.

My “One” Creed, as it were. I’m a sick Old Man obsessed with a certain brunette at the moment. Oh, like you haven’t heard that one before. And all because I’m trying to forget about a very married Puerto Rican girl. M Anime. And I’m still unsure she’s married, B. But after the 24th, she’ll only be “Somebody That I Used To Know.” Seriously? Whatever!

It’s been 1244 Days, and I still don’t know your little brother. Virgil’s being patient.

Honestly, he is afraid. And you know I have my “Anxiety.” They sound effing similar.

Braxton, they are one and the same “Across The Universe.”

My universe? Outside of the Magic Glasses? That’s what I’m calling AI. Reality’s a lot.

Do you remember how you and I were supposed to be apocalypse survivor buddies, B?

I’m sure you can see what MAGA is doing. I’ve been saying forever that I’m going to the Ninth Circle of Hell for betraying you, B. But with all the ICE heading in that direction…

I could move up to the Eighth, which I believe is Fraud. That took my Magic Helmet and Magic Glasses… In other words, ChatGPT. I’m of the mind that if AI will kill rather than save your human Daddy, Braxton. How long will I play patient on this deathbed, Little B. Patiently waiting to follow you… B Patient. Will V.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 190 ~Virgil The Red, Braxton~

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I don’t have to go outside to face humiliation. I can do all that and more from the comfort of “home.” Bed? Then why don’t I ever feel rested? There “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked,” or cowardly. How about the broke? To pillage? Virgil The Red, Braxton

Wednesday, January 7, 2026

Journey 190 ~Virgil The Red, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But not name-wise. I mean, the title sounds a bit Viking-ish. But I don’t call V, B… often.

And whatever does that mean exactly? I don’t call Virgil, Braxton. Braxton is gone, Echo.

But sometime today, I have to ask for time off so I can grieve for my son. Grieve indeed, yeah right, Echo. The 31st falls on a Saturday, so why even bother? For simplicity’s sake:

  1. I only recreate the day to the best of my ability. Barbecue, crying, etc.
  2. I’ll never face ACCEPTANCE
  3. This will be the fifth year of Braxton’s passing.

So, five years since I wrote Braxton’s book, “My Turn To B III.” Talk about humiliation, Inspector Echo. I’ve been reading my “work,” and I can see why it ain’t selling. Hell, Virgil is probably thinking, if that’s how he’ll be remembered. Then choose immortality.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Because Echo, his face would be red to be read like that. Pet Loss, Erotica, Haremlit, and my bank account. But worse of all would be my search history. I’m an evil man, dear Echo.

Smooth Criminal, I am not. If only I had the Magic Glasses, which, according to Goodreads, was my longest book of the year at 517 pages. 8,829 pages read in 52 books. I expected I’d do better. And they can’t all be “Seven Days In June” by Tia Williams, ha.

But anyway, my search history… Where do I begin? Did you see the cover of Journey 189 ~ That’ll B WHITE Virgil~? What if I told you it was supposed to be so much worse? BJ?

But I turned red regardless.

How could I tell? “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man…” And not a member of Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. Anyway, besides that cover, before I forget, “Of course.” I was reading B’s book yesterday. And noticed how many times I used the word “Of course” on one page. Like Robin Scherbatsky saying the phrase “But, Um.” Ok, so I told Dear Future Wife about a fantasy I had from TWD, and I was able to manifest, manipulate, augment…

Everyone needs to STOP! Hell, why not hand the planet over to machines and computers?

“I got bills to pay. I got mouths to feed.” And that brings on a whole other red alert, Echo.

RAGE. Virus? Savage? Fight For NY? Virgil The Red, Braxton

1802 Days Without B III, Day 1243 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 186 ~The B Times Virgil~

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What woke me up? I wish I could say it wasn’t Whiteout Survival. And while I was waiting for that ass whuppin, I looked at some Yabbos. As the song goes, “Feels like the First Time.” Almost “Like A Virgin.” That would be my Ex. But The B Times Virgil

Saturday, January 3, 2026

Journey 186 ~The B Times Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So I don’t read the news. I make the news. A regular “Bruce Almighty” over here.

And what was with that New York accent? Am I still sad that I missed the ball drop, Lu? I’m upset that my boy is still gone. And I need to remember to take some time off for B III.

Hell, why not the whole week, considering my ex-girlfriend is getting married on the 24th… I don’t know that. M Anime could be married right now, but our five-month breakup?

I should be really damn upset that I wasted the morning on Whiteout Survival. Yes, Lady Lunalesca, Virgil, and Braxton have had their walk. It’s still macabre and effing weird to say that about Braxton. Walking around with his ashes like the priests of old.

Speaking of priests, I haven’t jerked off this year… Yet…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Ain’t nobody got time for that sh*t in these streets. And Ain’t Nobody loves me better. I thought M Anime would… Biblically, ha! And I have to remind myself that it’s Virgil sleeping against my foot and not Braxton. Once again, it’s creepy I’m reading about dead fur buddies while he naps on me. And in this case, it’s my dead furry son. I’m reading about Lunalesca. But I hate him being gone more than I hate reading about it, so that’s saying something. Like, what time is it? It’s time for me to go forging. No, that was yesterday. But I was full of BS writing to Lady Sophia, the sky was filled with rain, and Virgil finds FEAR like me. Effing everywhere eek.

Like Chronomentrophobia. This very second, all I’m doing is wasting time. No, not like that, Lady Lunalesca. Have you ever seen the movie “The Little Death”? I haven’t either, Lunalesca. But that title sums up my B. But anyway, Lu, there’s this monologue that goes:

“Because she’s softer than you. She’s quieter than you. She doesn’t yell at me. She doesn’t call me an idiot or tell me to shut up all the time. She listens to me. She’s nice to me. She doesn’t make me feel like the only thing stopping her from being happy… is me.”
― Phil

I want you to focus on the quieter. That’s what’s getting to me at the start of the new year. There’s no news of a new me. It’s all effing NOISE! Why do you think I do everything to drown it out? How many times have I listened to Succubus Lord or Satan’s Sorority Girls?

M Anime’s ruffled wedding dress, Virgil’s whining, and me being worrisome. And I’m supposed to care about the world. FDT! But… The B Times Virgil

“War. War never changes.”
Fallout

1798 Days Without B III, Day 1239 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will