Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

“I know you were right, I can’t be fixed.” Tell that to Virgil. He got stuck with broken me. Is it good that I’m nuts because he doesn’t have any? Jokes aren’t getting us any closer. And Braxton’s further away. Women… Ha-Ha. “Virgil, To B Apart”

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But those three little words, “I Love You,” are so far apart some days, love.

And I’m trying to figure out how to push them back together every day. Somehow. Taking Braxton’s ashes, with a bit of his fur and whatever else he left of himself, isn’t going to bring him back to me. Ladders can only go so high. Or how low I would have to go. That would be easier. But I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart. This mess

Those pieces are stopping me from finding the way to Hell. And looking into those pieces, do you know what I see? All the parts of this existence I love. Again, my love, I try.

But I’m no good with fixing things around the house. I couldn’t fix Braxton. What about our marriage? Not broken

Love has so many new parts now. Gigantic! A big, big love! Did I say that out loud? I can’t be that far gone when I want even more babies. If you’re up for that, my love. And isn’t that the whole point of existence? I believe that love is the answer. You know. Ha-Ha.

More to the point, the meaning of life… Seek out a kingdom “Worthy of Your Soul.” OK, I’ll turn the music off. But it’s a part of who I am. Only there are bigger parts. Um, well, you know that Baby Girl. OK, I’ll stop. But you would rather have me revved up than crying.

But I cried the whole time. Doesn’t matter had… relations.

Lies and jokes, my love…

I’m trying to find more parts of myself to help build us. And then there’s B III—boy, dog, son.

I want him to see from Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or wherever he ended up. My love, I need an existence so big that… What, he’ll find his way back? He’ll see my kept promise?

If I could love you, our family, and even Virgil so much, somehow, I could find my way into Heaven or build one for us. It takes so much. There are so many moving parts.

I have to get moving and start finding those parts. Lest Braxton and I, you and I, Virgil and I never find our way together. Humpty Dumpty. Fix. Even it out. Virgil, To B Apart

1220 Days Without B III, Day 661 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 336 ~On Braxton’s Time, Virgil~

A great man once said, “We live and die by time.” Another said, “I am a meat popsicle.” But who has time to watch movies? Listen to music? Read the works of Marcus Aurelius. And write my own manuscripts. I got my boys. On Braxton’s Time, Virgil.

Saturday, June 1, 2024

Tale 336 ~On Braxton’s Time, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Or I would be if I did everything I told Braxton about. 1217 Days? Geez, Louise!

Who am I talking to, Lady Lunalesca? Better yet, what am I trying to say? And do I have time to say it? Again, if I go back three years ago and some change. Change? I can’t forget about the money. Can I afford to say what I want to say? That’s the thing my son “B” is priceless. And the other one? What, “V?” He’s still waiting for his time to shine, Lady Lu.

Dime, Crime, Time. The rhyme…

But no, Lady Lunalesca, I’m not trying to be a rapper. A hip hop artist. What about a repairman? Between DISH Network and everything being broken around here… A veterinarian? Well, Virgil is alive, but not Braxton. An adult star? Please! Anything for a dime.

When “I need a dollar, dollar. Dollar, that’s what I need.” Whether rhyme or crime, I gotta get mine. So, what crimes have I committed so early in the day? Well, other than wasting time. And we’ll get to that, Lady Lunalesca. But there is one thing I’ll never forget.

My son is dead. Euthanasia.

One of the reasons I’m talking to you so early is that PetSmart opens at 9:00 a.m., and V needs food. Now, wasn’t I out yesterday? And I didn’t pick Virgil up any? THINK Man!

“Is it a Crime?” What, to be so lazy, a loser, and let’s not forget lewd. On “X” earlier, Lu…

I was looking up pictures of Sophitia from “Soul Calibur.” No time for adult passions.

Am I classifying myself as an adult? A great man once said, “I am a meat popsicle.” But this is not the time for jokes. The earlier I get to PetSmart, the less likely I’ll run into the people from whom I adopted Virgil. 658 Days of his life wasted with me. Times a beast.

Yesterday, that’s what popped into my head. The five months I’ve trashed coming into my fortieth year on this Earth. If my favorite number (snickers) is 15. That’s how old Braxton will always be. Then the worst number is 40. Time enough, at last, Lunalesca?

You’re asking me for what? I don’t know. If I could be a father again. A rich fiend. Have a family. On Braxton’s Time, Virgil.

1217 Days Without B III, Day 658 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 335 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

I miss my earbuds, and I hate my Day Job. But today, I’ve been listening for any “mess” to hit the floor from Virgil. And I’ve been reading a book by a Roman Emperor. Braxton is still “up there” somewhere, as tall as a king. “Sick Of B, Virgil.”

Friday, May 31, 2024

Tale 335 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… but it’s not like something from Pixar or Disney. As if I’ve been keeping up, I’m so exhausted… or just lazy…

Dare I say, well read? But I am tired. I didn’t read when my aunt was in the hospital, so I was well aware of the news of her passing. I also kept my book away when my Ma was having heart troubles. Was I being a good son? Or did I not want to be rude at all? Hmm?

This brings me to my son… Uh, “sons?” On Friday, January 29, 2021, I wrote about Succubus Lord 7 and how I was on 8. You know where I was on the 31st, right, Sophia?

I was watching my son Braxton breathe his last. If you’ve ever wondered why, out of all the titles I have. I constantly listen to this Eric Vall series, Sophia.

Today, I will talk about Logan Jacobs’s book Backyard Dungeon 10. I’m surprised I’ve found the time with my other boy. I swear I paid so much to save my Little B III. But well? Yeah, his last bills are sitting on the coffee table. And I’m reading another one for Virgil, totaling nearly $300.00. But not for his current illness, which seems to be dissipating. A stomach bug? I don’t know, but I was not running behind V when he made a move. Uh?

Because I’m a bad dad… I’m sure Braxton is somewhere saying, “No, you’re not.” Sophia? Would Braxton say, “You’re a good dad. Say it!” For now, if he speaks to me, it comes through Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations. But review time:

A Ten for Backyard Dungeon?

Nah! But four out of five stars, at least. Why? I’ll tell you why. There are plenty of authors, just like Logan Jacobs. Eric Vall, A.J. Markam, Michael Dalton, Neil Bimbeau, I could go on. It’s not like I’m a connoisseur or anything. Backyard Dungeon, hmm? Personally, my favorite part would be Dorrem going to the capital. Being one to suffer from anxiety myself, it was new and somewhat uplifting to see a character coping, too. Next to that, Eddie and Gwen… Eddie and his wives? But Eddie’s a redneck…

I should say more, Lady Sophia, but I must ensure Virgil isn’t making more messes. My head hurts learning from Braxton these days. Ignorance is bliss? Sick Of B, Virgil

1216 Days Without B III, Day 657 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 333 ~Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil~

“I will protect you. Even if it means I must protect you from yourself.” B III lived that. And 2V? I can’t buy grand memorials for B when V needs stuff. Kept my naked butt off OnlyFans. And from doing dumb stuff. “Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil”

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Tale 333 ~Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But I was telling you all about this a week ago. Duh. Today is Wednesday, May 22, 2024.

So I’m not being lazy? I’ve had a lot of time off from the Day Job, and Virgil needs things.

A new potty spot since he must still smell Braxton on the old one. Of all the things that I’ve protected. Memories of my firstborn fur buddy. Where Braxton decided to “go” isn’t one of them. And what about a set of stairs? You know, for whenever he wants to get on the bed? I’m still unsure what’s going on in Virgil’s little brain. But he jumps off the bed whenever I’m about to sleep.

A man provides, right? Not a father. Even with his passing, I’ll keep that title for Braxton. He’s my son. Always. And I should be buying him stuff, too. Where’s the time and money going?

Not into my poetry book, GULP. And I still need to look at the two novels I wrote for Braxton. But I am trying to stick to a schedule with everything that’s been going on.

I wonder. What does DISH Network have on me? Um, Artificial Intelligence? The whole Internet?

If it isn’t novels… For now, I’m reading Backyard Dungeon 10. I’ve been hanging on OF. OnlyFans? Fortunately, I’m not spending any money. And as far as making it, Inspector.

Well, V is making that problematic with his running around. I mean only this afternoon, sigh. I was in the shower. But with Virgil crying in Braxton’s Room. Then, his unannounced visits. Like why now?

Inspector, you know how they ask if it’s weird that passed relatives might see you…

Uh… it’s hard for me. I remember… When Braxton first left, I was abstinent for 161 days, ha-ha. It was much longer than that when he was alive. But let’s trade one head for another.

Again, when we spoke earlier today, I told you about the violent knocking and me grabbing my weapon. And for most of Tuesday evening, I had it out. For protection?

Inspector, sorry to say I wasn’t thinking about survival. I wanted to join my Braxton.

Once again, there was Virgil. You must live for more. But having someone to protect…

He’s stopping me from “worshipping” one who is gone. He’s keeping my hand out of my pants. And away from harm. Braxton’s reasons for sending Virgil. Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil

1214 Days Without B III, Day 655 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

Tell me that I could have Braxton back, and what thing would I give up. The phone, my por… my relationship collection. How about having an Enormous… uh. Well, I’m sure the Future Wife would miss that. But They’ll B Things, Virgil

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I love you. Much like “I am happy.” Such words do not come cheap or…

At all. When was the last time I told Braxton I love him? I’ve been more inclined to talk about time travel. Today’s Tuesday, May 21, 2024. By now, it’s been 1213 days without him.

And how many days since there’s been no word about him? I’m sure I screwed up somewhere down the line. It’s why his bed, toys, bowls, medicine, and comfy spots remain. My son’s things. I’m still mad about the very floor he once walked. Flooded. I wore glasses that finally gave up the ghost and broke. So now it’s like I have to see things as brand new. Even the DISH Network service he watched is gone. Yet another humiliation.

Watching wrestling and “other” things. The secrets I’ve tried keeping.

Not that I miss Braxton. Or that Virgil and I haven’t bonded in 654 days. How about the fact that our marriage, my love…? You and me, always and forever. Nothing changes that. How about the fact that I miss my Braxton so much? It makes me want you more.

It’s Physical Touch, Touch Starvation, Touch Deprivation, or my favorite, “Skin Hunger.” But I’ve said, “Everybody know I’m a… monster.” Zombie from S. Wolf’s novel.

And I believe I’ve had a revelation, my love. You know the things I want to do to you, baby girl. “I Want’a Do Something Freaky To You.” That is a secret kept from Braxton.

I once heard that when you want knowledge, money, success, or whatever, as badly as you want air. It is then that you’ll have it.

Only I can’t imagine wanting anything more than my son back. And to lose everything that I have seen my son tirelessly defend. The fence, the house, all of my little Braxton’s things, my love.

It’s why I deny myself. Everything, old and new, borrowed and blue. Haven’t I been saying I don’t feel like much of a man lately? But I’m your man. Again, always and forever. My love.

But the present is the thing. Love is a gift. A thought of caring like, Happy Birthday Cherry! The things I wanted from her. What I want from you, love. And V. To be happy.

We get that ourselves. The thing is, my Braxton’s still gone. They’ll B Things, Virgil.

1213 Days Without B III, Day 654 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 329 ~Virgil, They’ll B Complaints~

I’m not one for swearing… Uh, bullies, the bedroom, and that boy in the mirror. No! That’s what I call complaining. And there are so many things today. And without Braxton. I turned the “bucket” over. But they’ll return. Virgil, They’ll B Complaints.

Saturday, May 25, 2024

Tale 329 ~Virgil, They’ll B Complaints~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Which means I shouldn’t have a single thing to complain about. But until that is so…

What? I’ll become a great writer and then orator for my audiobooks. I could make thousands on OnlyFans. Yes, Lady Lunalesca, I got a chuckle from that, too. I can’t keep a straight face… Excuse me! Yes, I can keep a “Straight” face. And what about my O-face, my lady? Your visage alone has got more than one from me. But how many times did I think about “stuff and thangs” this morning? Oh, too, complain about so much beauty…

“Oh, woe is me!” That’s my usual, and it’s a heavy burden that centers around my son Braxton. Who do I turn to about my B III’s passing? The Day Job and the Man In The Mirror. No! I find myself pouring out my heart to everyone, unable to contain the weight of my grief.

And it must get annoying. Not that I care, Lunalesca.

Please! You’re not Inspector Echo, but the secret is this. It matters a lot. This explains why I’m trying to get back into the world… I suppose. Well, as much as book reviews and OnlyFans will allow. Of course, I grow bolder when I haven’t been… “Taking care of business,” per se. And that makes everything so much worse. But sigh, not today, Lady Lunalesca.

Or that’s what I told myself anyway. And for the record, there’s nothing extraordinary about today, Lu. I should go shopping, but there’s “WWE King and Queen of the Ring.”

It’s so hard, Lady Lu, but didn’t I say to “someone” that this is the reason I have bad teeth?

A lesson in keeping my mouth shut. I need to.

“The mouth is the front gate of all misfortune.” I read that in “The Gargoyle.” And speaking of books, I need something new. As a matter of fact, I need to get back into the habit of lying on the loveseat and reading. Braxton and his honorary aunt, Lady Luna.

That was my therapy. And I can’t complain about those days. Those were good times.

But even if I were to start complaining right this second, what would be the point, Lady Lunalesca? It’s like listening to some politician. But Steve from Blue’s Clues makes everyone feel “we gon’ be alright.” Complaints should go with my cries and my useless excuses. Yet I sent Braxton to the Rainbow Bridge. Virgil lives. Virgil, They’ll B Complaints

1210 Days Without B III, Day 651 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 328 ~Parenting B’s and V’s~

Not to sound like certain people, but manhood equals fatherhood. I go back and forth over men I admire. Some fathers. Still others could provide for their own home. I gave Braxton all I had. Virgil? By providing book reviews? “Parenting B’s and V’s.”

Friday, May 24, 2024

Tale 328 ~Parenting B’s and V’s~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… This is a story about being a Dad… Oh, right! What about being a son? Uh?

Braxton is gone, and I’m thirty-nine. But B will always be my son. And I still have my Olds. But what kind of man am I? What would Virgil name me, Sophia? Just “Some Guy”

Yeah, someone who was so busy hating the world that I forgot to show love to my son, B III. I was indifferent. Is that how my Olds were? As long as I don’t embarrass them. Then, Everything Is Awesome? When I was a child, Sophia. What’s My Age Again?

Humiliations Galore, my lady. I’m the one who can’t pay his cable or satellite bill. Whatever, I wasn’t watching it a lot. And what I watched. Geez! How about reading?

Yeah, my tablet hit my face while reading about… sin.

And no, I’m not talking about the Bible. I don’t look to any faith to make me a better man.

You know, the men I look to as role models. Any guy that’s buried… not in the dirt, but let’s say, in something pretty has my vote. And no, I’m not talking about the hush money payments guy. Why can’t I be Eddie Hill? Or Ethan from Bikini Nights. Review:

Bikini Nights For Papa Bear:

Bikini Nights has issues. Mommy, Daddy, and Five Star. Shall I go on? I can say this. I’m anxiously awaiting the next book, Bikini Dawn. Michael Dalton hit a homerun. Or that was Papa Bear Ethan with Olivia and Lexie. I can’t get enough of these three. And even when they’re not in the throes of passion. Their every day. However, my favorite parts are those moments of love… But you also have Maddie and the drama fest that she has to go through. Is it strange that I want Maddie to find someone like her dear Daddy? Ha-Ha! I’d buy a few copies for friends if this book had a soft cover. But I’ll still share with, ahem, EVERYONE!

Are you still there, my lady, after me being a fanboy. Because? Being something better. Manly? Because Unconditional love is for women, children, and dogs. You see any women here, Sophia. Besides you, of course. Two-legged kids? I need a woman. And Virgil is here.

Being his Dad? I miss Braxton. Parenting B’s and V’s

1209 Days Without B III, Day 650 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 326 ~Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton~

As long as Braxton’s food and water bowls are clean. 2V isn’t doing too bad. And soon, he’ll have even more space to run around when I send DISH Network all their stuff back. And if I were a famous writer or star on OF… “Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton.”

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Tale 326 ~Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Braxton is gone. The house needs to be fixed. In the backyard, the fence is falling down, etc.

If I can survive B’s passing, I can survive anything. That’s my constant thought, Inspector.

DISH Network has nothing on the euthanasia of my furry son. Still, when you grow to know, rely, and expect something. Even when it’s crappy TV. And the Old Man told me he had to go off on them. But still, I hate myself for being the drama of everything.

That’s my problem, Inspector. I look at inconveniencing the Old Man as I look at depriving my son of his life. And at the end of the day, everything is always my fault. I know.

So, long story short… The Old Man isn’t paying a $189.00 bill. I’ll be watching wrestling a day late. And I’ll have to stream AMC.

But the most humiliating part is this: DISH looked up the records of all I’ve been watching. So, I was wasting money by not watching enough. And then the things that I did—uh, Eww!

The secrets that I try to keep Inspector. And then there are the secrets I don’t have to spit out. Yet… Spitters Are Quitters. Inspector, I’ve said I am a “Pop Culture So And So.”

Already, I’ve been catching up on so much wrestling that the Algorithm is coming after me with a vengeance. Better artificial intelligence than all the girls I’ve done wrong, ok.

There’s M Anime and Cherry. I was busy catching up with them, Inspector Echo. So? Don’t worry. Though I haven’t kept “it” in my pants. It’s only been on OnlyFans. Like Norah Jones sings, Don’t Know Why I didn’t… um

Maybe because I didn’t have my “toys.” Before B III rested on the nightstand in 2021. Before, I had to get a weapon during COVID. You know what I was doing on the daily. Ha!

Yesterday, though, there was a violent knock at the door, and I had to go into the nightstand drawer and grab my weapon. Didn’t a man lose his life a few weeks ago doing the same thing? Senior Airman Roger Fortson? I snatched my gun and went to the door.

Well, I’m alive, Inspector. But I thought about this mess of existence. I’m still alive.

Existing is messy. But Virgil’s eating. Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton

1207 Days Without B III, Day 648 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 325 ~Virgil Can B Choosy~

Do I have a choice? Yes. It’s why I look in the mirror, not the nightstand drawer. What? The world’s dangerous, and there’s Heaven, Hell, or the Rainbow Bridge, which I believe my Braxton found. But it wasn’t his choice. Virgil Can B Choosy

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Tale 325 ~Virgil Can B Choosy~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… A choice? Sure. One that can’t be undone. Our children. My son, Braxton. Even Virgil.

The things that come into my world. But I didn’t choose the world. It’s been a hard few days living in it. And yes, if my B were still here, the past 1206 days would have been no question. Now, that is a lie. But like the promise I made to you. Always and forever.

Whenever I walked out the door, there were three phrases, three words each. “I’ll be back,” “Love ya, B,” and “Love ya Braxton.” No matter what happened, I love Braxton.

That was enough to survive, whatever. And then you ask, what about you? The kids? It’s my choice to come back to my family. I choose you, lover, every day. But it’s a hard choice. I know I sound selfish.

It’s like looking in a mirror. When I see myself even after all this time. I want to do my best Johnny Cash impression. “I hurt myself today.” If I could see myself like Braxton.

Pure love. I’ve told the story time and time again of when my Olds were moving, and Braxton was standing there. “Get in the car!” I yelled. Braxton did not hesitate. He made his choice. B III didn’t know where it would lead, but that choice to love was enough.

Virgil didn’t get that choice. And you, my love, didn’t choose to love, whatever it is I have become. A man of constant sorrow. Because even the choice of me getting up seems too much.

I wake up feeling robbed.

Braxton wasn’t stolen. If I blame anyone for his passing, it’s a former Day Job and my indifference. And that’s why “I Feel Everything.” Grief and sorrow seem the safest.

There was a time when I existed as “lust’s passion will be served…” As if that’s changed with all I do. I’m still in business, after all. The books, babes, and bucks. I want it all. Braxton, though, will not be a part of that. And now choosing to be here. Right here, this moment.

“It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.” A thousand choices shout praises! But make one.

Loving you? I will. Doing right by family. Yes. Existing without my boy? I’m here!

Choose to be happy? Staying enough? Virgil Can B Choosy

1206 Days Without B III, Day 647 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 322 ~What’s Plan V, Braxton~

Didn’t I say something about my teeth last week? But I have no plans to go to the dentist soon. My father would just knock all my teeth out anyway. And not let me join my boy on The Rainbow Bridge. But Virgil’s still here. What’s Plan V, Braxton

Saturday, May 18, 2024

Tale 322 ~What’s Plan V, Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… But it wouldn’t even take that much to save me. And yes, I do need saving.

But before the holy rollers get all HAPPY… Eww! I’m not talking about having faith. Lunalesca, I believe in a Higher Power. As I know, my son, Braxton, has a soul. And my son deserves to be in a good place. Or he’s saving me a spot by the fire… NO! I only want HAPPY things for Braxton. I swear the word HAPPY is creeping me out. But what’s left?

My father? And no, Lunalesca, I don’t mean the heavenly sort. I’m burning up here. However, this fever won’t break anytime soon. I’m sweating with all the FEAR, Lady Lu. I’m trying to summon up the rage, righteousness, and pure unadulterated revulsion. Yes, my lady, I am almost forty. And I fear my father more than anything. Please! God, Lunalesca!

And it’s all over a STUPID satellite company. My father’s voice is filling the silence.

Because wrapping myself up in B III’s hoody and taking Virgil outside is doing nothing. Didn’t I say before the only time Virgil makes noise is to cry? He’s only following my example, Lady Lunalesca. Virgil is learning to live with these circumstances… with me.

So, as I plot and plan, failing pathetically each time. Why do I continue, Lunalesca? I am catching up on wrestling. Uh, I finished Bikini Nights earlier this morning. Stories.

Lunalesca, I’m always watching, reading, and dreaming of those who prepare, provide, and do a whole lot of “poking.” I did mention I’m all hot and sweaty peeking at por…

Never mind. What’s my plan?

Today, I need to go out shopping. Okay, with what money? “People on certain substances” don’t let that stop their habit. So, how can it stop me from buying groceries?

But if you mean over the next few days, Lady Lunalesca. I’m ready for next week with writing to the girls and Braxton. I can watch wrestling and read still.

Dad, though? That is where the rubber meets the road. Can I wait until Monday? That will already be a bad day. And what about Virgil? Welcome to Planet V.

And I don’t mean Venus or some softcore flick. Lunalesca, Virgil deserves to be happy. I’ll ask myself to Be Not So Fearful. Mice and Men. What’s Plan V, Braxton?

1203 Days Without B III, Day 644 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will