Tag: Trust

Meditation 105 ~Learn Something New Every Day~

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What have I learned today besides how badly I screwed up my rules? I learned it’s easier to get things done with energy shots. And that seventy bucks isn’t enough for a father and “son.” Yes, Virgil’s eating. To exist? “Learn Something New Every Day”

Monday, October 14, 2024

Meditation 105 ~Learn Something New Every Day~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… But I will follow this one today, Friday, October 11, 2024. How…

There have been moments of confusion, of learning that I was wrong. But I’m here, hoping to make amends, to set things right somehow, Madam.

“But it is not this day.” “I have served. I will be of service,” to no one but myself, Madam.

Oh! And my little boys. My son, Braxton. I learn every day that he is no longer here with me. But while I’m awake and alive, quoting the likes of Aragorn, John Wick, and Peter Gabriel. What else have I been doing? Well, as I said, I’m doing research. Learning…

  1. I intended to make rules for ‘my existence’ in the likes of Zombieland or Lefler’s Laws. These rules were meant to guide my actions and decisions, with one rule for every day of the year. Unlike Trump, I prefer not to lie, especially when it’s avoidable. I live for the memory of my son, but death is ALWAYS preferable for me.
  2. I have learned so many new things with Braxton’s passing. Each of these lessons, symbolized by the 365 rules, has been a significant part of my journey towards understanding. Never acceptance.
  3. I learned that Rule Twenty-Nine, “Lesson 296 ~Heavenly Trip, Save A Seat~,” was counted as a Man In The Mirror conversation and wasn’t correctly sent to you, Madam.
  4. Rule 79, “Episode 288 ~You Only Have Your Word~” I lost track of offline.
  5. Rules 68 and 136 repeat “No Rest For The Wicked.” Such is my memory.
  6. Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~ was addressed to you, Madam. But does not count as a rule. I have mentioned I hate being Forty. I was Thirty-Six on that day…
  7. I wonder if Rules 316 and 345 were repeated accidentally. Or were they meant to be a play on words… “Harder To Breathe On/Up Top.” Leaning towards accident

So… How many rules exist? If we include “Leap Day” and The Purge. 367… That’s adding 79 and 366. Minus two repeated rules brings us to 365. But Annual Purging…

Once again, I’m at 366, but I’m not a smart man, Madam? That’s why I’m always trying to learn. And you know how I hated formal education. I wouldn’t hate my Day Job if I had been better at it. This is why I’m talking to you today. Because, with the Day Job Monday, Madam… How excited was I to see I even had a schedule? Writing isn’t making money. REALLY? A rule against it? Learn Something New Every Day.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1352 Days Without B III, Day 793 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 103 ~Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil~

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Hillary Clinton is a better person than Lauren Boebert and MTG. But if we were voting for adult films… Well, in politics or “poonanny” (puts on Ice Cube shades). I’d go AOC. So, I had a dream about bills, maybe… “Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil”

Saturday, October 12, 2024

Meditation 103 ~Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I can afford some “good” drugs. And no more Sour Punch before bed. Okay?

Last night was a bad night. I’ve had worse. The first night Braxton wasn’t here… Am I finally back to crying about B? I cried today, and it was only 7:45 AM. And that’s only out of disappointment that I’m already counting today as a loss. What about 4:00 AM?

Lady Lunalesca, if it wasn’t for the alarm on the phone, who knows how long I would have been trapped inside a nightmare. No, Trump wasn’t there. But alas, I’m starting to become like him. I dreamt of being trapped inside of a snowstorm with… Hillary Clinton, I swear. Chelsea Clinton had taken off. So a voice said we had to face her hubby ha-ha.

Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill! Where’s the science, though?

I often dream of women. Sans clothing… How many years has it been, Lady Lunalesca?

Talking to you AGAIN began because I had a terrible night with some woman, Lunalesca. A woman that was nowhere close to being mine. That’s why it’s no insult to not dream about Braxton’s Aunt. Honorary, mind you. Braxton wouldn’t have minded her in bed.

Only… I’ve never been close to having Cherry here, so I dream about her. Again, sans clothing. And how I begged… M Anime too. English and Latina women, dear Lunalesca.

But WHO broke me last night? Why am I so late talking to you? Between dishonoring my boy, bad dreams, and “busting a nut.” A brunette gymnast with pink fingernails.

Elaborate fantasies weren’t needed, Lunalesca.

Not that I could foot the bill for any of them? Do you remember all that money that went to my Old Man’s friend, Bill? I’m forty and barely pay any bills. My bum’s existence.

Lunalesca, I’m trying to figure out what that nightmare meant. If anything, for me. Hmm…

To recap, last night included fajita bowls and sour punch candy. So, my dietary habits.

Another night without a warm body beside me. Braxton’s in a box. Virgil was in B III’s room. Ironically, the only time I paid for “company” was for an adoption fee and a pretty maid.

It could be financial stress and betraying my boy. Braxton won’t have a stepmom, so why do I need a woman? Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil

1350 Days Without B III, Day 791 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 100 ~Working For Braxton, Virgil~

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What do you want to be when you grow up? But I’m not finished growing. I believe in growth. Ok, I should cut the lawn. B wouldn’t put up with foolishness, my faking a life, and all my fears. Watching others eff? That’s not Working For Braxton, Virgil

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Meditation 100 ~Working For Braxton, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… It must suck, you know. Breathing. That’s the first thing that came to mind today. My Day Job?

Inspector Echo, we’ll get to that. But for now, shall I tell you the best job I ever had? Hmm?

Being Braxton’s Dad, of course. I will ask again. Now that Emergence Day is in the rearview, am I ready to start crying about Braxton again? I should return to reading about grieving fur buddies before December. Only I have gotten into reading about zombies.

It’s Halloween season. And speaking of scaredy cats. I would have invited Virgil to read with me, but I have known him for 788 days, and he has yet to relax. Inspector? Virgil is terrified.

Living in fear? No wonder the both of us are always so exhausted. Virgil’s fear has been a constant in my existence for 788 days, far longer than the usual acclimation period for new “pets,” which is 90 days. But Try 40 years of terror.

And before I forget. Virgil’s Birthday is coming up on the 20th. Will I still have my Day Job by then? Do I still have it today? How many times have I checked the schedule? The uncertainty is eating me up. Meat for the grinder.

Inspector, I was up at 3:00 AM on Monday and got fully dressed. “JIC’ Just In Case I got called for being late. Tuesday, I got up at the same time. And today? Well… It’s 6:35 AM, so I’m back to my regularly scheduled slothfulness. I’m waiting until Thursday, Inspector. Such anxiety about the future.

The fact that this is bothering me so much. I can’t enjoy the week. I had all this time. But, like Virgil, being afraid is an occupation in and of itself. The horror, the horror of living in constant fear and anxiety. But then, sigh…

Inspector, the living at all…

No wonder I was drawn to reading about the dead. This comes from the man who wants to make a living on his back… Preferably with some girl on top of me with a cracking set of melons, vying in ecstasy. Ah, Yabbos! Then again, to be behind the camera…

And while thinking about buttons, what about the story I’ve been working on, Inspector Echo? My Raison d’être and all that? I can’t say I’ve even begun Chapter Eight. Again, I was researching ideas, and that led me to Ashely Graham and Fiona Belli. BarbellSFM’s Mold videos and some other “sick” things. Dare I say Pestilence? Inspector, there’s having “WORK…”

That’s not a dirty word. Having it and not kills me. Working For Braxton, Virgil.

1347 Days Without B III, Day 788 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 099 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For~

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To think I want to have a business someday that focuses on “pornographic passions…” Well, not if Trump takes the White House. Seriously? Stormy Daniels. “Playboy Playmates?” Yet I’m sweating over a retail job. Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Meditation 099 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But not enough to give up slothfulness, “sins of the flesh, and what about silence?

Silence is a BIG subject. And aren’t I here to explain, when a man provides. Who, what, when, where, and why. But this week… sigh. It’s been all about time. And today, I didn’t even bother getting dressed. Yesterday, I sacrificed the entire afternoon because of stress and some Yabbos. Wouldn’t Braxton be proud? I’m not crying or bawling. Scared?

Sweating bullets. To think at one time, it would be because of a Day Job scheduled. And now? When it comes to owning, operating, and… Oh My God! But opening my place, opening bedroom doors, shirts, bras, pants, etc. Open legs and orifices. Eww! Wickedness.

You know how I make money. A man provides. And WCKD is good? Anything beats being afraid or slothful. But when? I have no answers.

Gus Fring didn’t ask when. He said, “A man provides.” But I have questions. Concerns. More like doubts and fears. Because I’m sitting here in our bed, worried about a time clock and losing everything

It comes with the territory. I have employees, insurance, laws, medical, and everything that comes with being “the man.” However, today, I’m back to feeling like “a man,” if that.

When Braxton was around, to provide, protect, and be a parent, I would do as Captain America… No! Steve Rogers put it, “WHATEVER IT TAKES.” Burn the boats, Carpe Diem, Leeroy Jenkins! My firstborn motivates me. You, my incredible wife. The children we brought into this world. So why is “Big Poppa” still sitting in bed looking at the clock?

Well, the world isn’t ending…

“Now that the world isn’t ending
It’s love that I’m sending to you
It isn’t the love of a hero
And that’s why I fear it won’t do” ― Hero

What time is it? Six minutes after… Another hour? Another six minutes after… No matter what, there is always time for another pop culture reference, a pump over some Yabbos, or a palpitation of my heart. I can be annoying, gross, and dark all in one sitting. I know, My Love. But what I don’t know is why I must be so terrified when it comes to wanting to live. I’m sorry to say I still wake up each and say, Dammit! Why am I awake? Why is Braxton gone? And why am I so scared. Because I feel I can’t provide for our family.

Today, I still believe the epitome of manhood is providing for one’s legacy… With my pen… Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For

1346 Days Without B III, Day 787 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 098 ~Say It While You Can~

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Say It While You Can, and ask it if you dare. Or am I being lazy or obtuse? If anything, I’m being a scaredy-cat, which shows why V and I get along. We’re exactly alike. But if I have to say or ask. Is the schedule working? Sad. Say It While You Can.

Monday, October 7, 2024

Meditation 098 ~Say It While You Can~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like being late to work. To “my” Day Job. I’m up. Dammit, I’m up. And plenty scared.

Is that what I needed to say today? If anything, I should be asleep in bed. I’m still in bed. But I’m talking to you. And I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go. I hope… I hope. I should be like Morgan Freeman in the film Deep Impact. “I wish… No wishing is wrong.

So what is right? I love you, Braxton. Or some version of that. Daddy loves you, B. Or should I do my best Yondu impression… “I’m damn lucky you’re my boy. What about I’m sorry, B III. Every time I get scared, “disturbingly” skeevy, or STUPID. I have to think of the worst thing I’ve ever done. Or the best, depending on current mourning trends.

Sing me to sleep, Braxton.

I should have sung to him when I sent him on his way. Speaking of being sent on my way, I should cut all this music off so I can hear the phone. If my schedule didn’t come through, why should I think the Timeclock app would alert me to my failure to come in?

There was nothing at the regular time or thirty minutes later. And if the hour passes, Madam, what should I think? I will be waiting all day for one of the managers to call. And what about tomorrow? Once more, I’ll be here like I’m Lenny Kravitz… I’ll Be Waiting.

Again… with the music. But the question is, what should I say…

“You’re a coward.”
“That is a correct assessment.”

The truth shall set me free? And make such a Pretty Mess with my Pretty Piece of Flesh, Madam. Geez! Can I be any more… vile right now? I may not be at the Day Job right now, but Virgil and I can pretend. He’s hiding out in Braxton’s Room. While I’d be in the stockroom at the Day Job, hoping no one could hear what I was listening to.

However, right now, I listening for the phone to chirp… Jeezu! It reminded me I had kept my pants on for four days. Now if only I could sleep or see and listen to slurping, sucking, and screaming slu… “young ladies.” My legacy of saying anything and nothing at all. Say It While You Can.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1345 Days Without B III, Day 786 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 096 ~Braxton, Braxton, Everywhere Virgil~

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They say you don’t know what you got till it’s gone—pretty women in wrestling, “Pornhub,” and the peace that came from my boy. I’m addicted to the worst of things, and why not? B’s not here. And V’s… Then again, Braxton, Braxton, Everywhere Virgil.

Saturday, October 5, 2024

Meditation 096 ~Braxton, Braxton, Everywhere Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I can feed all of my addictions. Businesses full of Yabbos. Biology like Umbrella.

And books? How I miss more books, more books. By the way, I miss my Braxton, too, forever and always. But my grief and mourning, my depression… Is this ACCEPTANCE?

Never, Lady Lunalesca! Even if I am forty. I will cry for more Lost Boy, my son, always and forever. Only… not every day. Have I ever told you how much I hate this existence?

But as the song plays, “You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to…” What? Whatever it is, it’s not good. This brings me to you today, Lady Lunalesca. Sure, I’m addicted to sadness. It all has to do with my boy, for the most part. Next is being forty. But this world…

“Oh no, the world is a scary place!” FEAR, Lunalesca.

Fear is not one of the Seven Deadly Sins. It’s not even a circle of Hell. And yet, it’s everywhere. It’s the only thing that I can say is worse than my Braxton’s passing, Luna.

Yes, I know. Who do I think I’m talking to, Inspector Echo? But between the waterworks that are my tears. And everything I have been losing these days… Everything, Lunalesca.

I wouldn’t call the WWE, everything… But I am… was hooked. “I’m a d$ck. I’m addicted,” to professional wrestling. Even more so than the Olympics. Remember how I missed them for the most part. Roxanne Perez, Piper Niven, Iyo Sky, Kelani Jordan, Tiffany Stratton, particular models and gymnasts. Continue? With my Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy… Let’s not forget about Lust.

Oh, look, actual sins. But what did I discover first? Was it after the Disowning Dish Debacle earlier this year? The wrestling I was streaming, I can’t now. Not with an eighty buck pricetag. Hell, Lady Lu, I don’t want to fork over six dollars for the next book in the Backyard Dungeon series. And the books I’ve been reading and looking up this morning… Um, Cherry would be proud. But speaking of hot BBWs of the UK, My Lady.

In certain states, they’ve banned specific websites for, let’s say, “adults.” Oh, I’m a man? Lunalesca, I can afford a VPN. And why? Because I’m addicted to Yabbos. But Lunalesca?

THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! Oh, the money I’d save and make remembering… Braxton, Braxton, Everywhere Virgil.

1343 Days Without B III, Day 784 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 093 ~Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil~

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“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” School, the Day Job, this blog, OnlyFans, Substack, noveling, etc. What was my first impression of B? Am I back to talking about my son? Or my wayward loins. Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil.

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Meditation 093 ~Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Or I will, considering today is Saturday, September 28, 2024. I already talked to Dear Future Wife first.

And did I begin mourning over Braxton again on the 1st of tha Month? To sound like a particular political party… “I don’t recall.” Inspector Echo, of all the days I despise drawing breath… So, all of them? And twice for the Month of Emergence that just passed. Day one?

Something about the first of the Month always gets to me. A chance at a clean slate? Hell! Even Braxton passed on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Speaking of my firstborn, I’m still ashamed of what I thought Virgil would be like. My little boy B III returned from the dead… The guilt is overwhelming, Inspector.

The reincarnation of my son Braxton. Nope! I should go back and read some of those reincarnation titles. What am I reading? We’ll get there.

But first, there’s the fact that I have made it out of the bed twice, My Lady. 27th and 28th. Could this be the start of something? Do I hate my Day Job that much? As I’m talking to you now? Again, there was Dear Future Wife and Madam J. This week… Pray For Me.

Today is the first day of the rest of existence. I still wish I could be done with it all. Sometimes, and this is the best-case scenario, it’s as if I’m in the movies Groundhog Day and Happy Death Day. Somewhere in the middle would be Spontaneous, Tales of The Walking Dead Blair; Gina and Black Mirror’s White Christmas. The worst-case scenario is Hell. There’s no second chances. (Cough) GOP.

“There’s no escape. This is just some kinda loop, an eternal recurrence, a return to the very worst moment of your life over and over and over again.” The Mill

It’s why I like all “my” bills… Do I mean my Olds bills? Anyway, the ones I pay come on the first of the Month. Or as early as possible. And speaking of something… someone is “coming.” And having to pay. Well, Inspector, I’m reading Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe. Long story short, a young woman uses her body to buy protection for her and her little sister from zombies.

At the start of every month, I go all ixnay on the adult play. It’s also when I decide which OnlyFans girls, AI artists, and other card-taking Yabbos I don’t need to pay, Inspector Echo.

Yet, I always find some kink to replace them. Inspector Echo, there are never good hobbies. Or good choices. Waking up on time, three squares daily, and writing adult novels. It’s a constant struggle with personal decisions, Inspector. My mind.

Inspector, I survived Emergence Day, and I am now forty. Why? Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil.

1340 Days Without B III, Day 781 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 092 ~Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know~

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The things I do in bed… Sleep and nearly push V on the floor. Before B, I had a few girls. No threesomes… MFF or backdoor. And being a Dad… I had to wait for my boys to get in trouble or feed them. Looking for a stepmom. “Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know”

Tuesday, October 1, 2024

Meditation 092 ~Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And yet our children ask, “Where do babies come from.” Or what their Daddy does?

And speaking of being a Dad. Am I going to go back to crying about B III? Or trying to figure out what Virgil’s problem is. Well, today is Friday, September 27, 2024. So no…

I’m not in a good mood, my love. I’m not in a bad one either. But more a secretive one.

And no, not dangerous. At least to no one but myself. I look at inflicting pain upon myself the same way I look at mourning my firstborn son. It’s always there. It’s better to hush.

Today, I couldn’t even tell Madam Justice everything for fear of some doctor asking me, “Am I A Psycho?” Uh? There are several GTA titles, Far Cry 5, and rooms in YoVille. Yes, you married a Gamer. At least part-time.

A writer, actor, director, producer, photographer, pimp, and overall FREAK. So this isn’t about my children with four legs or two. This is about you, me, and my current studies.

As in reading? Would you rather I talk about death, depression, or my sons, beloved. Again, I’m not in a positive mood. But being with you, my love, on this dark afternoon? I know plenty we could do, but I need a new book to read. More Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse.

It’s between Kelli Wolfe’s Devil’s Bargain or Taking Kelsey. As I was telling Lady Sophia, between being forty… Eww! And my latest reads. It’s been all Harems, Netorare, Blackmail, Age Gaps, and Breeding, amongst other things. This man’s “Freaky Deaky.”

Inevitably, I turn to you.

What do I want for our love life? What did I keep from Braxton for all those years? I didn’t have many girls with him around. Virgil cries when you and I need “adult time.”

Seriously! I remember when I was a boy peeping on “Skinemax.” Films like that “Married People, Single Sex” series. Or it could be as easy as this Instagram guy today:

Prayed to Venus for my wenus indeed. Did I ever mention I’ve got a thing for the witch look… Thank you, Willow Rosenberg, Tara MaClay, and Satan’s Sorority Girls. Love?

Such sinful things I want to do to you, that others do, and things I hope no one will know.

More in the name of love. Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know.

1339 Days Without B III, Day 780 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

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It’s not fair having to wake up and feel this way since the age of 7. I did have 15 years of waking up thinking how’s B. Is he healthy, hungry, and/or happy? The only thing unfair to him was living. To me, it’s being forty. “Life Is Not Fair Period.”

Monday, September 30, 2024

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Though I would like to believe that with Braxton here, enough money or the right power… Sigh.

But my son is gone. I have survived this month to see 40. And power… To get out of bed.

But today is Friday, September 27, 2024. And if I have any more days like I’ve had this week… I didn’t even think about joining Braxton on “Emergence Day.” But the 24th and the 26th? As the song goes, “Woke Up This Morning.” I swear, Madam, I came back and…

Slept. And it’s not because I like being 40. And it’s not like 2V is my best friend. V’s scared.
He feels he’s always getting in the way. And it doesn’t matter that I’ve never harmed him, let him go hungry, or even hinted at sending him back or that he’ll join B one day.

It’s not fair to Virgil or me to live in FEAR every single second. Don’t get me started on others. Other people have it worse. But this is the last day, ha-ha, when it should be all about me, Madam. If you only knew how much I abhor September. The end of January? B’s ending. It’s like I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle of despair.

But about those others… Hey Jealousy! You’ve heard me mention @fitdadceo and @csapunch. They’re in their forties. Look at everything they have, Dear Madam. Everything.

“All I’ve Ever Wanted.” And I don’t blame anyone but myself. But whose fault is it that I was done with existence by age 7? Didn’t @fredoontv say something like that, Madam. And look at him. Even better, Johnny Sins… well, his girls. A Wraithbabes gigolo? I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed myself.

I don’t blame my skin, sex, or sins, Madam. Life is not fair because of me and no one else.

I find no fault in the loss of my son. My heart, my hero, that other dreaded H-word, dear Madam. I love Braxton. But again, this isn’t about him. You know that song, “Wake Me Up.” And those few lines:

“Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is the prize.”
Wake Me Up, Avicii

Love is not a prize. Love is a gift I’ve never given myself. Instructions I have never got to read. As I was telling Lady Sophia this morning. I’m too busy reading about old men now and girls sans clothing. That’s why I’m losing, Madam. And what’s going to change?

Sitting here at the table, writing as the music wafts? Life Is Not Fair Period.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1338 Days Without B III, Day 779 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 089 ~That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil~

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I should make my bed because this isn’t my spot. I nearly push 2V off the edge when he’s here. And if I keep looking at some girl, I’ll have to do laundry. And if I wasn’t such a Lazy Ass, I could have a spot of my own. “That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil”

Saturday, September 28, 2024

Meditation 089 ~That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So I’ll have the maid clean up after Virgil. Just what I need… A maid fetish?

And here I go thinking about Madoka Araki from Discipline -The record of a Crusade-.

What, not my boys Braxton and Virgil? How about me as Emergence draws to a close? I can go back to something I said yesterday about not threatening Virgil. It’s only so many times I can wash the bed sheets when he decides to get sick. Hence, having a maid.

Lunalesca, Special K isn’t coming back. I know I can be a pain. And that is what brings you and me together today. As the song goes, “I’m just a sucker for pain.” Kinky, Lunalesca.

Today, as I was getting my rocks off,… more like edging to Madoka Araki, Jewel Staite, Special K, Cherry, a gymnast, etc.… There’s this question.

What is the difference between a kink and a fetish? As Forrest Gump said, “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is,” Lunalesca. Maybe not. I love you know who, though, Lunalesca.

Anyway, long story short, a kink is something you like to do. Roleplay, BDSM, Netorare? A fetish is something that must be present to achieve arousal, enjoyment, and satisfaction Lunalesca. And so, as I tried to distinguish between the two, I found an answer. Wow!

PAIN. Now, I can wax on poetically about my son. But again, Emergence month Lunalesca.

Let’s just say there’s a spot that such and such filled in life and in death, well there’s HIS spot on the floor, the nightstand, I still say HIS room.

But I can never find a spot to call my own, Luna. Like yesterday, I read downstairs because reading in bed or on the loveseat… It’s just not my spot. It shouldn’t be. Lazy Ass.

Lunalesca, if the critic wasn’t already not talking to me. More adult relations won’t help. But again, look at everything I’ve been reading. All the women are in some sort of pain, and the men… Who was it that said… “We fill each other’s holes.” Whether it be physically or otherwise. The pain is there, but it’s lessened. And there are spots to be happy.

Happy and at home… (Shudders). A spot to be seen, called smart, and be someone… Somewhere Only We Know? Braxton? Women? That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil

1336 Days Without B III, Day 777 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will