Tag: Dead

Journey 227 ~Braxton’s Birthday Volume V~

WillLeave a comment

B’s twenty-one… Happy Birthday! If only you were here to see it. Speaking of seeing, um, my girl is very horny. And it’s Friday the 13th. Let’s just say she’s trying to raise the dead. I’m trying to get well. And celebrate Braxton’s Birthday Volume V

Friday, February 13, 2026

Journey 227 ~Braxton’s Birthday Volume V~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Well, three maybe. Comedy comes in threes, or so they say. I don’t do comedy necessarily.

I don’t buy joke books. Jerk chicken? That would require a cookbook. Books on justice? The Constitution? I should get a printed copy before the Cracker Hats change it. Yeah!

What doesn’t change is the love I have for my sons. But today is Braxton Barks Bradford’s 21st Birthday. Welcome to Level 21. Does it still count if he’s on the Rainbow Bridge? How dare I? Considering how sick I’ve been, I’ll be driving up the Rainbow Road pretty soon.

(Cue Mario Kart Rainbow Road Theme). Any version? I doubt Braxton’s idea of Heaven would be a car ride. I can’t say Virgil Vivi’s would be either. 2-V aka V aka Five. My youngest son. But we’re here to remember Braxton, are we not? Pancake:

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

It was the morning after Braxton’s First Walk. I sat on the bed with a plate of waffles. Or was it French Toast? Anyway, I left to get a drink. Not two minutes later, this ball of fluff, who wasn’t a year old, had jumped on the bed and nearly drowned in syrup and crumbs.

So the next day I had pancakes, and I placed them up high. My Ma says, “You must love pancakes.” And there you have it. I would tell Braxton, “I love you like pancakes,” meaning I placed him above everything. Of course, there’s the “I didn’t pour the BISQUICK, but you’re my pancake.” The Walking Dead… Look it up. Then there was the way he curled up in my lap.

Not much of a story, huh? Here’s another: On one of his birthdays, his Favorite Girl made him a cake with meat, potatoes, beans, cheese, and treats. We watched the first season of the reality show “Solitary,” Episode 3, “To Eat or Not to Eat” to be specific. And why?

Sophia, up to that very day, I had never seen Braxton give up on “people food.” It was blasphemy. Not that he didn’t enjoy it. But “For the First Time in Forever,” his eyes were bigger than his stomach, and he tapped out. Braxton only surrendered to food once more.

It’s why he didn’t see 16-21. He stopped eating. Here I am at 41, not eating. So uh Happy Birthday Braxton… Braxton’s Birthday Volume V

1839 Days Without B III, Day 1280 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 225 ~B A Tax V~

WillLeave a comment

Death, Taxes, and Yabbos. Everything else is a roll of the dice. What about my boys? V was cuddling up against me this morning instead of being at the foot of the bed. B is cute, with V… Annoying? I’m not so mean, but the taxman cometh. B A Tax V

Wednesday, February 11, 2026

Journey 225 ~B A Tax V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What! Telling lies about my sons? Let’s say Braxton had very few friends. And then there’s 2-V, Virgil…

I swear if Braxton’s little brother walked on two legs and spoke a word of Spanish… He is a Chihuahua after all. Anyway, people would think I’m an abusive parent. I’m busy. I can be a bastard. And this week shows you how broke I am. But abusive, MAGA, never.

Is it wrong that I don’t REALLY know who Bad Bunny is? Hell, I still watched the halftime show on Sunday. And I hear it was a million or a 100 million fans better than…

Whatever MAGA did. Eff MAGA, eff the Cracker Hats, and always and forever FDT, E!

Is that how taxes work? How should I know? But did I mention I was broke? And as far as this week, so far, Inspector…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Okay, time for some real confessions: Again, I liked Bad Bunny’s show. And allow me to sound like a Cracker Hat for a minute. Ahem! My “girlfriend,” my woman, M Anime, is Boricua. She’s been teaching me some naughty Spanish… But Spanish ads are annoying.

Why, Inspector? I suppose that if I must listen, if people are going to tell me sweet “Little Lies.” Suppose I must know that I’m a loser. Tell me in a language I’ll understand, Inspector.

Speaking of which, I don’t know what Virgil is saying either. I speak fluent Braxton. Inspector, around this time five years ago, I was the one talking to his box on the nightstand. And the only word that came out was-SORRY. I don’t get it.

I don’t get me. But for around $700… Are those slave prices? Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill… Effed me. How dare he or anybody? B III Braxton Barks Bradford. Anyway Inspector.

Seriously, my account is empty, but what about my empathy? Last night, M Anime was telling me about a horrific experience she endured or almost. The fear was very real.

Inspector, Five guys? Not the burger joint, though meat was involved. I’d cut them off…

So while she shared this, what do you think I was thinking? She’s safe and sound. Those S.O.B.’s my sadistic tendencies for all involved, them and her, and then “I Wanna Sex You Up.” Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and my deviance. Which is worse? B A Tax V.

1837 Days Without B III, Day 1278 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 222 ~Virgil’s Proud To B~

WillLeave a comment

Street Tacos, Buffalo Wings, a basket of Onion Rings, some Chips and Salsa, and if the Food Truck is open, a mountain of Shrimp. Why? Because it’s STUPID Bowl Sunday and I’m an American. But I’m broke… Because I’m an American. And Virgil’s Proud To B

Sunday, February 8, 2026

Journey 222 ~Virgil’s Proud To B~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… “And it feels so good to be alive and on top!” Too busy wanking off. Seriously! Today?

You can ride a bike with “No Handlebars, no handlebars.” Well, first, that would require a bike. And buying a bike involves money. And you don’t even want a bike. Today, you’re feeling Buffalo Wild Wings. But is the food truck open today? Shrimp and wings.

Honestly, you have no money. But it’s STUPID Bowl Sunday, and you know “all the words to ‘De Colores’ And “I’m proud to be an American.”” Football, “Suddenly,” bro. What is with you, the “Flobots” and “Billy Ocean”, and let’s not forget Breakbot. Sigh…

“Listen, baby! Your wish is my command.” Your own Boricua goddess… That’d be M Anime. Well, she’s all about “your” playlists. And what about B III and 2-V? The boys. They’re on Six Impossible Things

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Pet Loss Healing Pathway
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

1, 2, 5, 6 of the list because B III knows you don’t know or give a damn about football.

Only when you’re done facing this “Black Mirror.” You’re going to watch the NFL, dude.

Like wrestling and the Olympics. Try this on for size: “I’m a man, without conviction. I’m a man who doesn’t know. How to sell a contradiction.” Karma Chameleon. My boy…

Do you know any songs they would play at a football game? Seriously! Anything! One?

But speaking of contradiction, you’re a Dominant. Eff you’re an effing Sadist when it comes to M Anime. And at the same time, her guts, heart, and big fluffy, yabbos…

Everything makes you weak for her. What does it mean? Like failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Sons Think I Am

Not really! Man if you eff this up with her again, so help me… Like you did once? Uh no.

But that’s another contradiction. You’re a dominant yet still hesitate. You blame yourself, and yet you weren’t wrong. I’m sure Braxton would like a word or a bark. You count Braxton among the living while Virgil pretty much sleeps all day. The only thing your boys have in common is that you don’t know where they are half the time. You might as well call them the lost boys, and you are no Peter Pan. You’re a broke bum who wants to eat like some rabid football fan. Who is even playing? At the very least, with food “Right Here,” maybe Virgil’s Proud To B.

1834 Days Without B III, Day 1275 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 221 ~Penniless Braxton And Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

To be a preacher, a porn star, or both as a politician. I wouldn’t be penniless. But I chose the gift or curse of prose, poetry, and simple words on paper. “In God We Trust,” it says on the “Dollar, dollar bill, y’all.” “Penniless Braxton And Virgil”

Saturday, February 7, 2026

Journey 221 ~Penniless Braxton And Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… If only, SIGH. A penny for my thoughts? I’d say people aren’t that STUPID. But then…

MAGA, Nazis, and old pervy men. Hell! Men period. Like I told M Anime yesterday.

Last night, to be specific. My dearest Lunalesca, “Someday,” I may be doing that, doing her, in person. And I hope I’ll be able to say to you that “you were always there for me.”

Okay, enough of the “Sugar Ray” lyrics. One more thing I’ve been doing with my morning, Lady Lu. Music. I’m still paying for Spotify, Hulu, and the Internet in general!

A hundred dollars. I’m all out of patience, money, and I’m “All Out of Love.” Tell that to Braxton, Virgil, M Anime, and eff, the “Man In The Mirror.” So a penny for my thoughts.

“A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ’em for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singin’
Funny when you’re dead, how people start listenin’.”

“If I Die Young.” Forty-one jamming to The Band Perry.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Why? Well, I’m scared for one thing. And fear doesn’t pay. Adds, multiplies, and divides.

Am I talking about myself or MAGA? One more reason to hide inside. Well, as long as I have a place to hide, that is. How much did I spend last night? Every penny matters.

Ironically, pennies are gone thanks to MAGA. Is that irony? Or isn’t it “Ironic” as Alanis Morissette would sing? I have no clue, but it’s effing weird. I go for walks with both of my boys. Virgil on a leash and Braxton’s ashes around my neck. The woman of my dreams lives hundreds of miles away. While any woman close would rip off my balls.

I’m complaining I’m broke, but seeing Cherry’s yabbos. Um broker.

Indecent Proposal as it is. And what about my woman? What about Braxton’s Favorite Girl? Should I say Virgil’s, too? He only met her once. “I’ve seen Better Days,” Lunalesca.

That’s what my boys would say if they could talk to you. Another bit of irony. I think that I’ve talked to Braxton more when I put him in a box than when he was lying next to me, like his little brother is now. Or I watch the Olympics, which is based on promoting world peace in a country at war with its past, its people, and promotes hatred among everyone, everywhere. Effing MAGA. I’d rather see fictional fights (wrestling) than the stupid bowl.

But I’m spending what on food! Penniless Braxton And Virgil

1833 Days Without B III, Day 1274 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 220 ~Braxton, Virgil, Bill Me~

WillLeave a comment

How much per boob? Those boobs who are my kids. I could never afford them both. A boob’s in the mirror. My girls aren’t boobs, but they have nice pairs. But I need to paid for the STUPID Bowl food, books, my boy V, and bills. Braxton, Virgil, Bill Me

Friday, February 6, 2026

Journey 220 ~Braxton, Virgil, Bill Me~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Not for much longer, though. How am I ever going to afford more books? The ladies…

Does the food truck lady miss me yet? I swear, with the STUPID Bowl coming up, I could use some shrimp and wings. What about Buffalo Wild Wings? Are there any “Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Girls,” there? But being a Beast of Burden doesn’t pay too well, I’m afraid to say. And I’m not with The Rolling Stones, and I’m not Bill Cosby, Eww!

CONSENT, C$ck, and Coin, Sophia. I haven’t spoken to Braxton’s Favorite Girl in a bit.

Cherry is begging for help, but I’m a bad man with an Indecent Proposal, so I’ll keep my mouth shut. And I meant that in a Negan and John Gage sort of way, not R. Kelly. Eff him, eff MAGA and FDT now and always.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But shouldn’t I be worried about Virgil eating, and when Braxton wasn’t eating? Five years…

B III has been gone for five years. 2-V is five-years-old. And come August, he will have been here for five years. If I make it that long. Speaking of long, black, and hard, um…

There’s my boys’ potential stepmom, M Anime. “Guess who’s back, back again?” “’Cause it feels so empty Without Me.” What, the world? Our “Young Hearts Run Free?” This queen-sized bed? The spot between her legs? Honestly, must I be so crass? You should listen to me and M Anime sometime. And she hasn’t run away… Again? But that’s why she hasn’t read the words, “I forgive you,” or “apology accepted.” I am still a bit…

Terrified! I’d say I should read up on loyalty, but isn’t that why we have dogs? And I’ve read two dog books so far. I’m hoping to make it three, but between the worrywarts Virgil and me, my woman and wanking off. Honestly, M Anime is a goddess. And Sophia…

Yeah, I clean up nice, and I’m desperate for the cash. “Ten dollar a lot of money.” Seriously, I’m using “Glory” during Black History Month? Wasn’t I accused of ragebait about a week ago? I could be using my cute boys. Instead I’m using my as Chef put it my “Salty Chocolate Balls.” Again Eww… But, wow… Is that what M meant about chocolate being for girls?! Charlie Brown’s “Aaugh!”Doctors Braxton, Virgil, Bill Me.

1832 Days Without B III, Day 1273 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 218 ~Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND?~

WillLeave a comment

The world keeps turning, without B III, with the dance M Anime and I are in. And milkshakes? If she’d charge me. How do I keep my head on straight when there are so many curves to traverse? And rounds to fight. Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND

Wednesday, February 4, 2026

Journey 218 ~Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND?~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And not just with my wording. And do you see what time it is? Where Is My Mind?

If my head could be anywhere this moment… Both of them… I’d choose Yabbos. And preferably, somewhere far away. “It’s the perfect time of year. Somewhere far away from here.” But while I would choose some woman’s Yabbos, I only want to leave because of this. Five years ago, somewhere in this state, I assume, my Little Braxton was cremated.

Thursday, February 4, 2021. Braxton got his walking papers on Sunday, January 31, 2021, so it wasn’t like he’d need his legs for much longer. That’s effed up, Inspector. Seriously.

But even more so is the fact that my boys, Braxton and Virgil, weren’t the first things on my brain. And it wasn’t even Yabbos. But we’ll get there. It was time. One, three zero.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

1:30 AM, and we are only now talking? I effed off for about an hour. Fell back asleep, and now these hands keep slipping back to the phone. And I wonder why I’m broke, Echo.

You don’t hear any round coins hitting the bank account lately. And I have to “pray” that the car keeps rolling. I hope Virgil keeps his little round head on. And what about my glasses? I need to set up an eye exam. And you know, people are asking about ones and zeros all around me. I effing hate math. Then there’s playing DJ at the Day Job? The music.

Playlist. Track numbers. I worry about the most useless things. Would I say the same thing about my black balls?

Well, they ain’t turning blue but not from a lack of trying. Am I trying to wreck things with M Anime again? And isn’t Cherry my friend? And I should check on Braxton’s Favorite Girl. She doesn’t even know me and M Anime, “Me and Mrs. Jones…” Hell if “I’ll grow to be a wise man. Well, I ask if I’ll grow old.” With who? I should make M Anime, my Julia (1984), my Mrs. Jones to be Mrs. Bradford. Crazy right? She admits infatuation. I call her “My Obsession.” Speaking of which, Cherry’s crying about money like we all are. And her two big money makers. Hell, I’d go broke for those. I see M’s for free. Boys, boobies, balls… Braxton, Virgil, What’s ROUND?

1830 Days Without B III, Day 1271 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 215 ~B Is Gone, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A day without B. A world without bees. Either way I see it and hear it, we’re screwed. Speaking of screwing, I’m back on speaking terms with M Anime. Only today, I wish I could talk to my boy again. Gone five whole years. “But B Is Gone, Virgil”

Sunday, February 1, 2026

Journey 215 ~B Is Gone, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And if there is one GOOD thing I’ll say about you… You look better than yesterday. SIGH

However, nothing can be as pathetic as you looked on Sunday, January 31, 2021. A close second is E-Day… Hell! Have you seen your naked body lately? M Anime has.

And ain’t she sweet… Baby steps, bro. Baby steps. Never forget, Sunday, August 24, 2025.

But aren’t we here to talk about your baby? Your Braxton. And the day after. Yesterday could have gone better. But then again, Braxton could still be alive. He’d be twenty-one now. Only you were losing count of how many times you cried. And you can’t use the excuse that you’re not you when you’re hungry. Sausage biscuits, two burgers, and a milkshake, and don’t forget the BBQ. It would’ve been a celebration if B were here. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Yes, Pets Do Go To Heaven! How To Communicate With…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Um, like bringing your boy back from the dead? Being braindead enough to join MAGA. How about being proud of your body? Perhaps. Oh, you don’t mind it. When a woman like M Anime… I mean her Yabbos! Giggity! When she compliments you? All’s well.

Only, you’re thinking you’re much too skinny. “We’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just won’t eat.” But you’re not a “Rockstar.” And you’re not hungry enough either. No, cereal bar?

More like a serial killer. “You’re killin’ me, Smalls!” Every week. Hell! Every single day. And again, last night’s movie night. Fifteen bucks lighter and all dog movies, my dude:

  1. Where The Red Fern Grows
  2. A Dog’s Purpose
  3. I Am Legend
  4. Homeward Bound

Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hell If I Know…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like not bawling like a baby when the dogs die, and Shadow comes home. Why couldn’t Braxton come home? And why doesn’t Virgil BELIEVE that this is home? Honestly dude?

You don’t believe that this is YOUR home. It isn’t you, forty-one-year-old bum. However, for B… “Do it for Braxton, Always.” Or “For Braxton, Always and Forever.” For that boy, this is home, and he never left it—five years without Acceptance. You’re still alive!

Regardless of whether you want to be or not. Wishing you’d never been born. That’s the difference between Jan 31st and Feb 1st. Yesterday, you wanted to join him. Today, you wish you never known him. There’s boobies, blue balls, beds, and bucks. There’s Braxton.

But, B Is Gone, Virgil.

1827 Days Without B III, Day 1268 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 214 ~Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

B would give me a look. I remember his last look before life left his eyes. I couldn’t close them. He saw me, his Dad. I didn’t get much sleep the night before we left. You want… ever… single second. It’s been 5 years. Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil

Saturday, January 31, 2026

Journey 214 ~Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Enough to buy my son’s life from the Grim Reaper, God, and a good night’s sleep?

Not tonight. Five years ago on this very night… Well, it’s morning now, but let’s start with Saturday, January 30, 2021. I was rushing between my son Braxton on the bed and his water bowl on the floor right next to him. Will you look at that, first tears, Lunalesca.

There’ll be plenty of those today, tomorrow, whenever. Anyway, my B was so strong, Lu.

He couldn’t stand me worrying, so he tried jumping out of bed, and I ended up sleeping in his room so he could be by the bowl he insisted on walking to, every single time.

Lunalesca, it was one of his last acts of defiance against death. Of all the bedtime stories I told my son… He’s going to die…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Nope! As far as I was concerned, he was going to live forever. Forever and always. My son, Braxton Barks Bradford, was/is invincible, immortal, and insane for loving me, Lu.

The father who failed him. Is this really how I wish to honor my boy? Last year, I wrote his story. Hell! I’ve penned two full-blown novels. One’s out, ha. The other? Book or son?

Virgil? Why is his Dad up at midnight chugging back energy drinks and writing about his dead brother? Other than missing him, being mad at the world, and trying to avoid the flat surface, which is the mattress. Eff Lunalesca! You know why I’m abstaining.

Braxton would think I need the love tonight. Not mourning a dead puppy. And Virgil?

He’s alive and well. 5 years old on the 5th anniversary of Braxton’s passing and 5 months without M Anime, though we “connected” earlier this week. To Forgive. To Accept.

Virgil as my son, my second-born? I’m trying, I swear. Called him B this afternoon…

Welcoming M Anime back into my universe. If I could, then I would. I’ll go “Wherever You Will Go.” Things you can say about your dog/son but not your Ex-Girlfriend?

Lunalesca, for now. I may accept us someday. But Braxton being gone? Again, never ever!

I refuse to accept that. So I will do as always. Cry. A burger and fries in the afternoon, Lu. BBQ for dinner. Movies. May my son Braxton Barks Bradford RIP. Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil

1826 Days Without B III, Day 1267 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 213 ~Braxton Decides, Virgil Obeys~

WillLeave a comment

So, WWE Royal Rumble or dog movies with explosions mixed in and loneliness? Every time I Turn Around, Back In Love Again. Or do I really, really, like her Twins? Is B gone? I ain’t accepting that! Decisions, Decisions. “Braxton Decides, Virgil Obeys.”

Friday, January 30, 2026

Journey 213 ~Braxton Decides, Virgil Obeys~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… As if I’m the Decider in these things. Wasn’t that Bush? My history is somewhat hazy.

“A man chooses, a slave obeys.”
― Andrew Ryan BioShock

Yes, I know “Bioshock.” I know MAGA and Republicans ruin things. They are no longer the party of Lincoln. But what I know most of all today. My son is dead. Well, he was dying this time five years ago. But still, there was so much to write: preparation, A-Hole.

I might as well say it, I’m an “Asshole.” Denis Leary sings it better. But am I an asshole for making bad decisions? Or is it because I decided I’m a doing nothing bum? Duh!

You didn’t come here to make the choice; you’ve already made it. You’re here to understand why you made it.
The Oracle, The Matrix Reloaded

Making the decision and living with it are two entirely different entities. In The End…

Well, Sophia, I’m always wrong. Whatever happened to WWJD? “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Not B III! What Would Braxton Do?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Fight, Feast, and take care of his failure of a father. When have I ever fought? My feast today will probably be McDonald’s. Yes, I said probably. And tomorrow will be more of the same. A burger, and then I have to get BBQ. The traditional meal of Braxton’s Happy Death Day, January 31st, 5th Anniversary. And failure? I’m sitting on the loveseat, and I watch my youngest son. And it helps to pass the time.” Because making any decisions.

Hell! I can say I’m better than MAGA with it. Then again, I sentenced my oldest son, my Braxton, to die. Euthanasia… I hate that word! And I’m still wondering what Virgil’s problem is. I know he’s not Braxton reincarnated. Reading another pet loss book.

Sophia, don’t ask me how I pick out books. It’s like writing “I feel his hand on my brain. When I write rhymes, I go blind and let the Lord do his thing”. Braxton? Tupac…

Anyway, as I was telling M Anime or trying to. My words, like decisions, are pretty bad, but as far as the past goes, as Eastman imparted to Morgan in TWD. I wanted to say:

Eastman: “What we’ve done, we’ve done.”
Morgan: “We evade it by moving forward with a code to never do it again.”
Eastman: “To make up for it.”
Morgan: “To still accept what we were.”
Eastman: “To accept everyone… And in doing that, protect yourself.”
TWD

And as much as MAGA wants us all to live “from the age of Big Brother, from the age of doublethink,” the past cannot be undone. I have the present: Virgil, M Anime, and me.

Will I love him? Forgive her? And will I get a burger? Accept Braxton’s loss… Uh… Braxton Decides, Virgil Obeys.

1825 Days Without B III, Day 1266 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 211 ~Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil~

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There’s a house, there’s a home, and then there’s this place. There’s “Fire and Desire,” but it’s all Hell. There are B and V. B’s a spirit, spook, or a specter, and V is a scaredy cat, um, dog. It’s a balancing act. “Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil”

Wednesday, January 28, 2026

Journey 211 ~Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… On this day five years ago, I stood between “rage and serenity.” The middle of the effing road.

The most dangerous place to drive. Really! Movie Quotes! X-Men: First Class vs. They Live. That reminds me. Am I watching dog movies Saturday, or The Mill, Spontaneous, and other things? Tradition, Inspector Echo. Braxton and my movie nights. Memories. Sometimes his Favorite Girl would be here to watch with us. I would read right from this loveseat. I cried my eyes out the first night B III passed. Hell, I sound like MAGA, Echo.

Unlike Trump and the Cracker Hats, I own my sins. Why isn’t Braxton here, Inspector? Because, with these hands, I signed away his life. I couldn’t protect my firstborn. Braxton.

“I’ve abandoned my child! I’ve abandoned my boy!”
Daniel Plainview

I’ve never seen the movie “There Will Be Blood.” But there was—anger at the Day Job, hiding from Braxton.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Indifference, my dear Inspector. This is my greatest sin. I don’t want to feel anything.

Man will always choose darkness rather than light. First, do I mean me? And second, I said choose, but there is no choice. I’m scared, I’m sinful in a PURGE sort of way. All crimes, including… And am I sexual? Yeah. I don’t choose. I fall. Tight rope be damned.

If Braxton were here, you could ask him. Good would have been recognizing something was wrong with him and getting help. Eff the Day Job. Bad would have been taking my anger at people out on him. But no, I picked him up and fell asleep—our last good sleep.

Up all night/morning Thursday, I called the vet that afternoon…

And? And! He would be dead by Sunday. All because I couldn’t maintain balance, Echo.

“Sitting in Limbo.” Only now it isn’t the Day Job—love vs. Later. B III vs 2-V They are both my sons, my kids. But between my sister and me. My Old Man clearly chooses her. And I can’t say I blame him. But I’m the same. I mourn Braxton, but where does V stand?

Love vs. Hate. I already told “her” that I don’t hate her. M Anime! Braxton’s Favorite Girl would kick my ass for talking to M Anime now. But between M and I… Rage, Lust, and…

Love? Nah… Braxton would bark I need to choose Love for myself. Life or death? Breathing? Braxton’s Balancing Act, Virgil

1823 Days Without B III, Day 1264 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will