Tag: Secrets

Meditation 236 ~Braxton, Virgil, Forward, Mush~

WillLeave a comment

Since M Anime isn’t mad at me, I can share one of my dreams with her. What every woman needs, snow, a survival kit, and lingerie I want to see her in. And with that heat, dirty tales, and humiliation. I should go. Braxton, Virgil, Forward, Mush.

Saturday, February 22, 2025

Meditation 236 ~Braxton, Virgil, Forward, Mush~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I live in California, Florida, or somewhere tropical. Hot! Anywhere, “adult entertainment” is plentiful.

Lofty dreams for a Southern man. But do you see how easy it is to have a vision, a dream, Lady Lunalesca? To have a goal or make a plan… I have… I had plenty for this year of my existence. You know, the year I expected to lose my Braxton. He would’ve been twenty.

And while there were tears for him last night. Finally! I was more or less crying for other things. FEAR! And it’s not of this moment of sitting here waiting for somebody to post on X so I can send videos of checks my notes Reina Kurashiki. How about asking why I can’t be Johnny Sins? I weep not only for the future but mine. How do I move forward?

I had a dream last night. I was crying from embarrassment, a feeling that has become all too familiar. In the dream, I found myself in the movie Vivarium, a place of confinement and repetition. It’s a mock universe. But in my version, I was digging upwards, desperate for escape.

Flinging my shovel in the open air, I found dirt. But I could only reach so far without the ability to fly. You know how people talk about the hill they’ll die on. Well, Lunalesca…

I started packing a hill under my feet. But it wasn’t with grave dirt. My son Braxton’s ashes provided the foundation. Then came the ashes from my books. Grossest words…

Yes, I was crying about that being broadcast on X/Twitter. It’s my fault. Forgive me! But in my dream, I was not just crying about the exposure. I was also burning my secrets, the things I’ve kept hidden and buried. The act of burning them was both liberating and terrifying, as it unlocked a new fear within me. Thanks, Norton!

But the heart of the matter is this: I was creating a Hell to carry me to Heaven. It’s a paradox, a contradiction that reflects the madness of my current state. I’m trying to find a way out of my pain, but in doing so, I’m only creating more suffering.

And while I am not a man of faith, I heard an angel’s words. “He is not here, for he has risen.” And instead of the Lips Of An Angel, I heard the song I’ve Got Heaven Right Here On Earth. And don’t I, Lady Lunalesca? I’m cold, a coward; what about a cuck… Right.

No wonder I dreamt about fire. And with that, I cried all the more. The fire remained ash and snow. Black and white… V? But B was beside him, and I ordered them both… Mush!

Where am I going? I don’t know. I’m always afraid. But… Braxton, Virgil, Forward, Mush!

1483 Days Without B III, Day 924 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 232 ~Rooms B Through V~

WillLeave a comment

My biggest fear… Nope! I lost my son. But I fear drowning, too. With so many tears and how much rage? And with desires raining like humiliations galore. Uh, working? But fear. At least the house’s not flooding… Again. Rooms B Through V

Tuesday, February 18, 2025

Meditation 232 ~Rooms B Through V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And if only that love were as easy as saying, “Braxton, Virgil, and others, Bedtime!”

D.L. Hughley once warned that the kids would walk in on us. You realize that. It was something to that effect. And did I think of our two-legged children before Braxton or Virgil? If only you knew how I protected B III and 2-V. But today, “What About Us,” love.

No, that’s not the song I heard you singing around 2 AM this morning. And I won’t attribute this to my son. My love, this is all you. It was Lykke Li’s “I Follow Rivers.”

The song has been stuck in my head all morning, and I’m trying to figure out where I heard it. Besides your lovely voice, it was also in an episode of Glee I watched before.

But you? In my head?

“‘Tis you floating around my head, my Godqueen.”
― Clarence, The Book of Clarence (2024)

Do you consider that a miracle? Now, if you could only listen, hear, and understand. Dreams have meanings. I’m always saying that to M Anime. So what about that song? For a few days now, I have been cried out over Braxton. To go from his birthday on the 13th to a “Lovely Day” on the 14th. Joy and pain are like sunshine and rain. Right? It’s going from the day I first found love to honoring our passion for each other, my baby doll.

However, the problem remains that my heart is still broken. Again, there’s the song “I Follow Rivers.” You follow my tears, sweat, and blood down.

Down, down, down, into places you should not see. Do those places include where the Bisquick comes from and gave us our other kids? How many bedrooms do we have?

And I’ve said I’m more of a man for a Study rather than a Man Cave. But there’s also the Library, The Red Room or Black. There is the room, a temple to honor my Braxton. I wasn’t kidding when I said I would build that. And V may one day join him. 920 days.

Only the meaning of my dream. It is that the tears, desires, sweat, and toil you experience follow me. Overflowing. And I am like the ocean. You’re filling me up, blowing me up with your love. Rooms B Through V.

1479 Days Without B III, Day 920 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So why am I randy, passionate, hot, and bothered today… Well, a woman I like isn’t mad at me. Some dirtier thoughts got posted. And today is “The Cherry Collison.” Why think about “her” yabbos. I overthink everything else. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

Sunday, February 16, 2025

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And this is the age of Doublethink. So, how come I was not more of a rebel?

Because I overthink. As will you. As will all. See, it’s already started. But as always, we begin with Braxton. Have you figured out what took him from you yet? Seriously, my boy… My man. Technically, the Braxton mourning period is from the last week of January to the 13th of February. And between now and the third week of January 2026. If you live.

And even now, you don’t want that. But since you need to figure out why 2-V was crying… Um… I kicked him out because he wouldn’t stay put, and the storm was scaring him. And if he had been Braxton. Here we go again… AHEM. “And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.” Or how to do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Quickies! by Adriena Temple, 50 Flash Fiction Stories of Pure…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Overthinking should be on the list. Why? Because it’s causing you to write down questions you already know the answers to. This isn’t any of your Math classes looking for X. It’s about recognizing when you’re overthinking and stopping yourself from going down that path.

Anyway, why should overthinking be on the list? Yesterday? Yeah, I was all messed up regarding M Anime. But what did she say? She needed to catch five hours of sleep. Eff!!! If anything, you know all about getting some sleep. But to rest ever. I tried, you tried, SIGH.

Not when there are so many yabbos, your yogurt slinger, and your words, your words, your words, they have power. Your words have the power to change things. One of the guys on X/Twitter showed your ngl message about… nevermind.

Worry about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Season of Giving Harem University Book 4, Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Amongst other things… Terrible thing to live in fear, as Stephen King put it. Living?

Honestly, next to Braxton dying, you having to live is the worst. Ask Virgil someday.

Virgil is only a reflection of you? Hell! I’m a reflection of you and don’t know what to tell you. More like I don’t know how not to lie to you. Because again, I overthought everything, and now you have a whole week to. That’s right, you’re not working. ANY?

Honestly! What have you been doing since we’ve been having this conversation? At best, waiting for your tax refund… On a Sunday… And that’s only one more worry. Get up. That’s right. Cleaning, cooking, the cost of living, and your Cock-a-Doodle-Doo. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

1477 Days Without B III, Day 918 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 229 ~B’s For Blame Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

B is for a big mouth. Maybe I should say F for my effing fingers. So… How did V-Day go? Forgiving the fact that the 13th was B’s 20th birthday. The fight I had with Adore Me over M Anime’s gift. And her not talking to me… B’s For Blame Virgil.

Saturday, February 15, 2025

Meditation 229 ~B’s For Blame Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I am guiltless. Cast in the name of God. Ye not Guilty, Lady Lunalesca.

For what? “The Big O” from last night? And that wasn’t even with M Anime. But for the record, she did get me all hot and bothered. And the next thing you know, I’m spilling all over that girl Mei from Overwatch. She’s so much like M Anime, Lady Lunalesca.

But we’ll get to that. What about my boys, my boys! Braxton’s gone, and speaking of spilling… Virgil decided to puke all over the bed, giving me another reason to change the sheets. Next thing you know, I’m kicking him out because I believe he wasn’t sick at all. Anxiety? I can relate. I’ve been frazzled all morning. But I’m not grieving for my Braxton.

Braxton’s gone. Virgil’s not due for a check-up until April.

But if something happens to Virgil before then… What am I supposed to say, Lunalesca?

I’ve got “Faith of The Heart.” I had that for Braxton. And he didn’t live to see his twentieth birthday. And didn’t I say I would stop blaming myself for Braxton being gone? Never Acceptance.

Once again, it’s the fifteenth, and I haven’t cried for Braxton once today. But whenever I’m in pain, I think of the worst crime I ever committed. Seriously, Lunalesca, Gale had Katniss kiss him when he was in pain. All I have is the memory of the son that I failed. But wait, there’s more! I can blame myself for everything, but Luna, do I look a thing like Jesus?

Lunalesca, I talk like a gentleman, like you imagine “When You Were Young.” I’m forty.

So what mistake did this forty-year-old make yesterday with my Valentine? Takes a breath I started the morning with a good morning text and hoped she’d have a “Lovely Day.” I sent her a couple of songs and then asked her permission to show her picture, you know, take a look at my “girlfriend,” and all. She said she was bashful, so I didn’t. She spent most of the day ranting about everything: the IRS, exploitive management, and such. You know I’m one for ranting and complaining, dear Lady Lunalesca.

Plus, my type is the broken doll or the prettiest doll I want to break. Anyway, I bought her a survival kit, which is her thing. And some lingerie, which is my thing, but she suggested what she wanted. I read about this nightmare she had. Who am I to talk? I turned Nightmare At The Meat Market into a 50,000-word novel inspired by her nightmares. In the evening, we talked about dinner and the different anime we watched as children. We also talked about culture and languages. And then, Lady Lunalesca. Here we go.

Breathes, I brought up my friends. M Anime is Puerto Rican. But there’s Cherry who’s an English girl and white. Awesome melons! I didn’t say that part. There’s Braxton’s Aunt, who’s Black Girl magic personified. And then I said if I had an Asian girl and a lesbian friend, I’d be set… And I haven’t heard from M Anime since. So now what, Lady Luna?

“Sorry, Blame It On Me.” I even tried to use that line from Kanye West to explain it a bit:

“My favorite girl wanna leave me just because I got a girlfriend
My freak girl told me now she a Christian
My white girl wanna move back to Michigan
I’m pulling girls off the bench like a sixth man” ―

And I texted M Anime this morning asking if she was upset. That’s Valentine’s Day.

For all I know, I did nothing. But I blame myself for everything. And if I messed up, the likelihood of Braxton getting a stepmom… But B’s For Blame Virgil?

1476 Days Without B III, Day 917 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 225 ~Heel B, Heal V~

WillLeave a comment

Chains and whips excite me. But I would give it up to put Braxton’s leash on him and go walk. Or finally, give V a collar and tags with his name on them. And I wish all their barking wasn’t drowned out by the noise. MAGA and moaning. “Heel B, Heal V”

Tuesday, February 11, 2025

Meditation 225 ~Heel B, Heal V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? As selfish as I am. My love, I am capable of such. But me first…

I should give the Adult Channels a rest. Not for the more apparent reasons, darling.

Locking the door to keep V and the two-legged kids out and such. No one wants to see how the sausage gets made or where it goes. Did I mention making money on my OF?

But if the two of us were together my sweet love, I would share my interests, fetishes, and kinkiness with you openly and without reservation.

No! I want to sign off because, like everything I do, it comes back to my son. Braxton? From the 31st to the 15th of this month, I’m always angry and depressed, like Mr. Grumpy Pants. If I can keep my pants on with Friday being Valentine’s Day. Thursday’s Braxton’s birthday. So you and me?

And her and her, simultaneously…

That’s a South Park joke. But here I am, making jokes instead of letting the dead rest in peace. Or how about embracing the living. Four years is not enough. It will never be, love.

But speaking about four years… Again, with the Adult Situations. I still find it WEIRD. Love, I see such desires, passions, and intimate moments, and suddenly, Trump AD, Maga, Elon Musk, etc. That makes me feel like a horrible human being. Well, after my B.

Braxton is still around, and then again, he’s not. Only his remains. In a box on the nightstand. And he ain’t leaving. Neither is Virgil. But as I eternally mourn the dead, how can I name the living. Some days, I don’t say Virgil’s name.

And with my two furry sons… One “shining down on me from Heaven.” The other howling at the door. I just want to say, “Stop crying your heart out.” I see B III everywhere. Virgil’s voice is in my ears. Only there’s you, my love, my life. Lovely, Beautiful Freak.

What am I to do with you? Things you can tell your dog but not your girlfriend/wife. I know what I want, and you’ll have to forgive me for using another song… Stay With Me.

I can think of several things we could do on our knees or in bed. Only these days do I seek out the most depraved. If not, downright criminal. Why? Like my two boys, I can’t… Heel B, Heal V

1472 Days Without B III, Day 913 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 223 ~It’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve wondered where to stream WWE PLEs and the Olympics. But I never figured I’d be looking for “The Big Game.” The commercials, anyway. And I can’t say I’ve loved or even liked them over the past few years. But today, maybe… It’ll B Lovely, Virgil

Sunday, February 9, 2025

Meditation 223 ~It’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And today didn’t start out with Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows. Um, aren’t you supposed to be manly?

Do you see yourself? Unfortunately, your eyes aren’t full of tears. If anything, you had a delightful dream. You know the type… Fallout, Apocalyptic, Braxton as “Dogmeat” by your side.

Crying over your Lost Boy was the least of your problems. Seriously? You think that!

Well, today is all about the Big Game. And Braxton help you. Last night and this morning, you were trying to figure out where to watch it. More to the point, watching the ads. Ha!

That’s the guy we all know and love… Nope! You put the only guy you love in the ground. Well, in an oven… That was extremely dark but par for the course in Trump’s MAGA America. Eww! Focus on you and failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING ― Satan’s Sorority Girls 8
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

The courage of men fails. Well, yours does, anyway. But being a monster… You are Braxton’s Dad. You’re trying with Virgil. And yes, today is about football. Is that manly?

Liking Yabbos is… There are many ways to be a man, but you were singing I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the man with all the likes and reposts on X/Twitter. People like Yabbos.

Wanting to be the man that provides Yabbos and tells the world I’m a mother effin’ P.I.M.P. Tsubaki Miyajima’s assets certainly accomplished this. And you’ve already set up an alert to share Reina Kurashiki’s should the opportunity present itself. Will it? And now you’re thinking about Cherry and her Mum’s sets of melons. Man, you’re The Monster. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Quickies! by Adriena Temple, 50 Flash Fiction Stories of Pure…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because a man would keep his word. A man provides. A man, a real man, a daddy saves his son. But tomorrow is the fourth anniversary of receiving Braxton’s ashes. The 13th is Braxton’s birthday. And then comes Valentine’s Day. Does Braxton need a step-mom?

Virgil does. But from a girl like M Anime? You asked her to be your Valentine last year… And what happened? If I ask you how to define love, you have only one word, Braxton.

Do you expect her to break out into My Boy Lollipop over you? And she has cats. Not that you have anything against cats, but your fur buddy Virgil… And you don’t even love yourself. The day you accomplish that… Someday… It’ll B Lovely, Virgil

1470 Days Without B III, Day 911 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 222 ~Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The Big Game’s Sunday, but I’m not even looking forward to the commercials. And eating? $100.00 doesn’t go so far. But the days I shared with B. And V’s here. If the world remains. Dogs don’t get nine lives. And men. “Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil”

Saturday, February 8, 2025

Meditation 222 ~Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I should be running the Squid Games. Or have people living in a Vivarium.

I’m feeling the weight of everything, Lu. I need to turn off the noise, the distractions, because they’re just adding to the heaviness. I need your support. Don’t I always?

Depression is not a good thing. Neither are my decisions. Or my wayward DICtation, Ha!

And speaking of shooting my mouth off or other parts of my anatomy… There is always my Special Drawer. I should say Special Draws… Keep your pants on, right Lunalesca.

If I had, I wouldn’t be so unhappy this morning. My lady, I’m never happy.

Honestly, why should I be? Braxton is gone. Virgil is somewhere else in every sense. Lunalesca, V’s living his one life, which leads to a question. Besides, who do I like more, Cherry or her mum?

How about Tsubaki Miyajima or Sakura? I swear that’s my latest KINK. There’s also whether I call them pigtails or handlebars… I’m going to get all worked up again, Luna.

And I don’t need that. But I just needed to feel something. “A safe home and a warm bed on a quiet little street.” What about a full stomach? I had that via Pizza Hut. But now I only want to vomit. I’m not blaming them. That would be the energy shot I’ve taken, Luna.

Because Every Day Is Exactly the Same. So why not join my son B III. Take it to the bridge, as in the Rainbow Bridge. Virgil needs me, and my schedule is jam-packed with things to do, dearest Lunalesca.

January 31: Braxton Passed Away
February 4: Braxton Was Cremated
February 10: Braxton Was Returned
February 13: Braxton’s Twentieth Birthday
August 13: Virgil’s Gotcha Day
E-Day: Second Worst Day Ever
October 20: Virgil’s Fifth Birthday
Yesterday: The Horror, The Horror
Today: What Did I Do?

Last night, I was thinking about all the months I’d wasted since the last E-Day. And then today started with me lying in the dark. I didn’t whisper the names of my enemies like in Golden Son or Morning Star. But instead, moaning as if there’s Thirteen Women and Only One Man in Town. No. I’m Just A Man with a Special Drawer full of…

Lunalesca, once upon a time, it was Cool Devices. And now? Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil.

1469 Days Without B III, Day 910 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 218 ~Virgil, I’ll B Crying~

WillLeave a comment

I miss masks. COVID didn’t bother me, as it could have led me to my son. It’s the ability to hide my STUPID smile. I have to laugh and smile. And then I’m at the house crying. Like it’s a law to mourn my son for four years… Virgil, I’ll B Crying

Tuesday, February 4, 2025

Meditation 218 ~Virgil, I’ll B Crying~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Enough to cry on our wedding day. When you gave birth to our children. Braxton…

I’ve cried over my firstborn furry son over a dozen times these past few days. How many more since I’m speaking to you on Sunday, February 2, 2025. And there won’t ever be enough, my love. They can’t ever extinguish the fires of Thursday, February 4, 2021. Love, there is no flood for me to drown in or a storm to traverse that could stop me on the 10th of 2021. It’s when I picked up my son. The remains of him, anyway. Love burns.

Inevitably, someone will say it better… “Love hurts. Love scars. Love wounds and marks,” hmm. But today, I burn, which means I haven’t reached the deepest level of Hell yet. Which I do when “The Man Comes Around” every year.

Again, that date was Sunday, January 31, 2021, when my firstborn son B was collected.

You must be crying at my attempts at prose, poetry, and philosophy for my puppy.

Braxton was fifteen. Thirteen days shy of his sixteenth birthday. Still a puppy to me.

Speaking of things that make this man of yours cry… Because a man ain’t supposed to cry. Recently, I’ve been watching a lot of things about it. Relationships being destroyed.

Men who are seen as weak for one reason or another. I have often repeated Gus Fring/Giancarlo Esposito’s line from the show Breaking Bad. “A man provides.” This is true. I do not try; I do because that is what a man does. But this cost me my firstborn son.

I cry because I did all this work for him. When I worked at the Day Job with all the rage that place instilled in me… Talking about fire, I again cry because I wasted so much of my life in that place. And all of Braxton’s. And now I wouldn’t be caught dead there…

Never, in such a Hell as that place again. Can I cry enough to wipe that place off the map?

I can’t help but be overwhelmed by your beauty and grace. I remember B’s aunt saying that she would leave if her love weren’t crying as she walked down the aisle. But you, my love. You are the one I want by my side through tears, “Joy, and Pain.” Everything.

Would you leave for me crying over Braxton, E-Day, even nothing? Virgil, I’ll B Crying

1465 Days Without B III, Day 906 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Life’s a game for everyone. Life’s a game, but it’s not fair. If I had my way, I would quit right now. But who would remember my son, my Braxton? I haven’t published his book yet. And my boy Virgil is still here. But… To B Fair Virgil.

Sunday, February 2, 2025

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I know it’s not fair. You’re still breathing. Braxton’s Aunt Augusta confirmed that the other day.

At forty, you find yourself navigating life as an African-American, an atheist and often feeling alone. You know Virgil is here, but you also understand that it’s not the same.

Always and forever, remember that. I’m sure Braxton does. And what did that get him? Dead. And a father with an unhealthy obsession with death. Please! You were way into the dead, darkness, and dystopias before, during, and after Braxton. But without him here… Oh, what a world, what a world. “What a world, what a life, I’m in love…”

However, it’s with the prospect of leaving. It would only be fair with what you did to Braxton. Ending him. But it’s also important to forgive ourselves. How’s that going? With everything that connects us, this is the universal truth. Braxton is gone because you failed him. He met with the fire on Thursday, February 4, 2021. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Surviving Pet Death, Gracie Wyatt
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 014 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! You should have put saving your son’s life. At least then, all of these failures would be fair. Or giving Virgil a better life. For 904 Days, life still hasn’t been fair to him.

Life hasn’t been fair to you since E-Day forty years ago. But you can say it’s been unfair for 1463 Days. You lost your player two, the samples, Triforce, and you ran out of time on the mission. Gaming? Well, between moving everything back upstairs and the phone. But Prince said, “We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.” B did.

Still, today, after a text from your father… That’s all it took to fail Number Six: “I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am.” What about the other Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING ― Satan’s Sorority Girls 8
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t want to play this game anymore. GOD, how I know! I faced Braxton’s Euthanasia once again. And its aftermath. You know that Braxton’s cremation was on the 4th. And next week… The 10th is Braxton’s return. His ashes are in a box on the nightstand. The 13th is Braxton’s birthday. These dates, each one a painful reminder of loss. The 14th, that’s V-Day.

And no, not for Virgil. Will you talk M Anime into being your Valentine? A beautiful Puerto Rican woman who goes between calling you her bro AHEM step-bro. And then offering herself. Life, Existence… Seriously?

Existence is efffing wrong. Or as 50 Cent said, “Death gotta be easy ’cause life is hard.” If that ain’t the truth. And it’s easier to tell the truth to prosti… than a psychiatrist, right.

It’s why you write to harem girls, yourself, and Braxton. Or he speaks through you. Sigh. To B Fair Virgil.

1463 Days Without B III, Day 904 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 215 ~One, Virgil, B Here~

WillLeave a comment

The one time… Um, two that I liked going downstairs. When Braxton’s favorite girl and I had a movie night. And then moving things back upstairs for Braxton’s “memorial.” Virgil’s still here. And who am I, Dante or some character? One, Virgil, B Here.

Saturday, February 1, 2025

Meditation 215 ~One, Virgil, B Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So, by this point, I have built Braxton Barks Bradford, a temple mightier than the pyramids.

My son, my shining prince. And who am I, Pharaoh? If I had started earlier, I would have watched The Ten Commandments or Malcolm X last night, Dear Lady Lunalesca.

However, it was the usual day. What is “normal” about my son being euthanized, Luna?

That it happened four years ago. And how did I spend this fourth anniversary? Breathing.

Yes, I woke up to find that was still the case, though I was up till around one this morning.

So how did I spend yesterday? It was standard. I only left once to pick up a burger, fries, and a shake. I shared them with Virgil in honor of Braxton. I cried six times.

Lunalesca, who’s counting. Two meals, four movies, and 1462 Days.

That’s around four years. The fourth anniversary of my Braxton’s loss to the world, Lu.

I can’t help but feel it should have been me. The thought of reaching for that one thing in my nightstand, you know what I mean, it crossed my mind. But then I think, who would be here for Virgil? Was I there for Braxton when he needed me most?

Well, considering Braxton isn’t here anymore… The only mess I almost made was with the second head, recreating Lester Burnham’s shower scene from American Beauty.

Lunalesca, how dare I! But I didn’t finish. I didn’t deserve to. Braxton is DEAD! Lately, there hasn’t been any particular song playing in my head. As you can see, it’s mostly movie quotes. It was tradition for Braxton and I. Our movie nights… Then his aunt came along, too.

Lunalesca, she has her own stuff. Cherry is always writing. And M Anime finally got back to me, but of course, I was fulfilling A Dog’s Purpose. Really? Somehow! Lunalesca.

“So, in all my lives as a dog, here’s what I’ve learned. Have fun, obviously. Whenever possible, find someone to save, and save them. Lick the ones you love. Don’t get all sad-faced about what happened and scrunchy-faced about what could. Just be here now.” From Bailey, A Dog’s Purpose

If I could be so lucky. If only my sons were. But I’ve been stuck in the past with both.

Virgil will have a future if neither one of my heads pops off. If you get my drift. The future:

Black History Month begins today
Feb 4. Braxton was cremated
Feb 10. Braxton was returned
Feb 13. Braxton’s twentieth birthday
Feb 14. M Anime, Valentine?

And let’s not forget where I was this time last year or in 2021. But the one lesson from last night. Be here now… Without Braxton? One, Virgil, B Here

Tale 215 B For Virgil’s Freedom

Gospel 215 Act From Desire Not Insecurity

1462 Days Without B III, Day 903 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will