Tag: Failed

Meditation 062 ~Endings B Through V~

WillLeave a comment

The world was created in 6 days. And the 7th? God rested. My Ma said, “I got this.” My Old Man said, “WTF.” Some exes said, “Well, I effed up effing him.” B’s Aunt, Cherry, M Anime, “wow.” B, “I’ll try.” V, “I’m not a good boy?” “Endings B Through V”

Sunday, September 1, 2024

Meditation 062 ~Endings B Through V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you’re not looking too good. I would say you look like The Walking Dead, but… Complimentary.

You’ll do yourself a “favor” and not talk about Braxton today. You know how your son passed all too well. You know the pain will be here forever. And while your love for him will be, always and forever, as for yourself? You didn’t want to see forty… Or seven.

6, 7, 8? A, W, X, Y, Z? You need to remember. But with age? And yes, you woke up with a splitting headache this morning. You would prefer not to wake up at all. Such an Existence Day Wish…

And after everything your Ma did, you c-section you. Your kingdom for a Terminator, Ha! Terminator 2, not 1. Because you love your Ma. And your Olds love you. It’s why you’re sitting here. A bum. Loving, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 13, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

If you had a dollar for every time you ignored this list. MORE? If you had one for every time you thought you might die. MORE? If you had one for yearning for, THE END.

Hell! No wonder every Existence Day meal resembles that of a death row inmate’s fever dream. You put more work into your endings than beginnings. Unless we’re talking about your novels. You would have liked the last story you wrote to be about Braxton. Seriously?

Don’t worry about B! This week, you’re going to be busy. Worry about yourself, PLEASE!

How does it end? How will you meet your end? You have seven whole days to figure something out. But you realize that you won’t accomplish these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meat, Joseph D’Lacey (Something Else?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Take, for example, number 1. You won’t finish MEAT by Joseph D’Lacey. You couldn’t stand to finish reading “Tale 062 – B A Storybook Virgil.” I wrote that on Friday, September 1, 2023. So last year, sigh. And considering Emergence, Existence, and Extinction Day, you might not get to read anything else. So Cannibalism… It still beats what you’re writing. M Anime wouldn’t like it. Cherry won’t read it. And B III’s Aunt? Who knows.

What will you do before E-Day? You have no control over your Existence. The Day Job has its schedules, and then there are your Olds. Things aren’t better getting older.

Forty is much too old. What else can I say? I forgot to live? You’re thirty-nine? Endings B Through V

1309 Days Without B III, Day 750 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 058 ~Braxton And Virgil Call~

WillLeave a comment

What’s My Age Again? Thirty-Nine until E-Day. I wouldn’t have made it past seven if I had my way. A time way before the smartphones… Speaking of which, how old is my phone. It’s not like I get anything but bad news. I’d rather Braxton And Virgil Call

Wednesday, August 28, 2024

Meditation 058 ~Braxton And Virgil Call~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… According to “my” phone, at least. Who pays the bill? I restarted the timer of me “getting off…”

What? Yesterday, I was busy writing/stealing that scene from Episode Five of the series Discipline -The record of a Crusade- You know, the one of Madoka Araki. Why was that?

I’m staying alive!!! STAY ALIVE!!! My battle cry? The clarion call? A mandate from Heaven? Or wherever my Braxton resides after his passing. My son is asking me to wait to join him. And where’s Virgil? Well, he’s at the foot of the bed for now. This isn’t about him. But then again, yes, it is. Just because my boys don’t use phones doesn’t mean I don’t hear their voices. Yesterday, I got a call about Virgil. What about the call I’ve been dreading? I got a text from my Olds. It wasn’t about E-Day.

But E-Day, the day of my Emergence, Existence, and Extinction, is coming. It remains the second most horrific day in “my life.” But not yet…

My Olds informed me of some vote that was happening. And while I’m all for civic duty and whatnot, I want to hide out for the next two weeks. Even better, I wish I could just sleep through it all, like the song says, ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends.’ But no, I’m ‘awake and alive’ at this moment, sadly.

I wish I wasn’t, Inspector, my hand to God or Braxton. I would “happily” join the ranks of the dead rather than grow another year older. But haven’t I Echo? I’ve been saying for days now what rests in my head. It ain’t a brain. E-Day worries, women sans clothing.

Inspector? A silver lining? “Today is all about you.” Me…

By that I mean me. And who am I without a phone? Who are any of us, for that matter? I’m someone to Virgil because I got a call about picking up his medication yesterday. Inspector, I’m sitting here hoping “my” paycheck hits early so I can fetch those meds. Echo, it wouldn’t matter anyway because I won’t let Virgil follow Braxton… Not my call? I have to pick up food, so I already made myself sick with an energy shot, but the Day Job? Yeah, I got my schedule. My entire existence is run by the beeps and boops of the screen, Inspector. And if I wanted something for E-Day… Braxton returning… Joining him. Inspector “my” phone should Evolve. But, Braxton And Virgil Call.

1305 Days Without B III, Day 746 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

WillLeave a comment

Sunday, August 25, 2024

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And before I get into the minutiae of your existence, remember this above all else. STAY ALIVE!

You have two weeks starting today. And no, this is not about your little sister. But if you’re still here for her birthday… How will you feel? Again, it doesn’t matter if you STAY ALIVE!

I worried about the little things yesterday. Cleaning the toilets and clocking some names. And, of course, your sons, Braxton and Virgil. And what about Braxton’s Aunt and her Gabe… If there is a silver lining about this “Time of the Season,” it’s this. For once, as the song goes, “Today is all about you.” It will be for these next two weeks. You’ll remember…

“Make them REMEMBER WHAT FEAR TASTES LIKE!” Freddy vs. Jason

You’re always afraid, and it will grow like your excuses for abdicating Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Dawn By Michael Dalton
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Are you becoming like Cherry and using your “test-worthy” words? Don’t get started on her. But comedy comes in 3’s. And this morning, it’s been Araki Madoka, Jasmine Teaa. And now Cherry. If anything, “adult fodder” is unlimited. Add Kaneda Maiko to the mix. Giggty!

The big things, as in Yabbos. Don’t you wish the love you should have for yourself was as GIGANTIC as those ladies’ Yabbos? At this rate, the last thing on your mind will be some girl. Tyrion Lannister had it right about being 80. And you’re halfway there, friend. Ha-Ha!

Not funny. None of this is. And yet, 1302 days ago, you asked Braxton to stay for you. For this? Another year older, a week failing at Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 13 Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But right now, you are alive, trying to avoid doing something STUPID. Virgil is right here, so that means you can look but don’t touch… And if you weren’t right here, what would happen to him? You live more for one boy’s memory than another boy’s next breath. The difference between Braxton and Virgil. Much like dreaming last night. Eww!

Last night’s nightmares, I swear. For the record, those secrets I feared sharing… While I may have a particular interest in Nerotare. Futanari is a “Hard Limit.” Last night… Weird.

These next two weeks will be filled with horror because next to Braxton’s last breath, your next breath is the worst thing. So why am I asking you to STAY ALIVE? STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE.

1302 Days Without B III, Day 743 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 051 ~When B Provides, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Providing a peaceful sleep. A reason to be a Dad. Having two sons. A chance to not be skeevy. Not when Braxton was following me. And what did I provide, Braxton? A box… A room to stay in. Pretty girls. The one with his name. “When B Provides, Virgil”

Wednesday, August 21, 2024

Meditation 051 ~When B Provides, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Now… I am not a believer. I’ve traversed the spectrum of faith, from ‘professed’ Christian to agnostic, to atheist, and now, to a father. A daddy, my dear.

And ain’t nobody going to tell me that the soul of my son disappeared into the existence of nothingness. I may not talk to ‘God’ anymore since Braxton’s passing. But my boy is out there somewhere, and he’s not Virgil. I’m sorry. This is one more sin that I have been committing. I’m reading quotes from Pet Loss books. I’m reaching out to B’s Aunt.

Anyway, that means reviewing some titles on reincarnation and the like. I failed. Braxton? I survived fifteen years past my “due time,” proving my son never failed me. Braxton always provided for me. But that’s not the way of things.

Especially not now as I approach my fortieth E-Day. I should be ashamed. I AM.

But that shame comes in waves. However, it hit me harder yesterday evening, Dear Echo.

Was it looking at the last cupcakes I got from the Day Job? Free food is free food, Inspector Echo.

It could have been as I finished reading Bikini Dawn. I believe Ethan can finally say that he has a harem… Olivia, Lexie, and now Meredith. I thought Meredith would end up with Maddie, “Ethan’s Daughter.” There’s still 10% left Inspector Echo. Anything could happen.

How about when I was playing The Walking Dead: No Man’s Land. And I was looking at all my resources, which meant absolutely nothing. Not with me sitting here, Inspector.

Wasn’t it last year, the year before, I was telling Virgil I couldn’t save us…

Being a hero is one thing. But being a nearly forty-year-old man with nothing, Inspector. Being a provider is the bare minimum, and I can’t even do that. A strong survivor, a real provider, a Tru Rider… That’s me. Please! V has a comfy spot and a full bowl. I can cut up some rotisserie chicken and make a salad with a head of lettuce. More books. There’s always more.

What? I need another one about Yabbos. I’m writing one about Yabbos. Or at least looking up pictures, which is why I was looking up Mezzo Forte instead of writing something, Inspector. Braxton provided me inspiration to write about “better worlds.” Even if I sent him to his room Inspector.

Providing? That’s what men do. Myself? When B Provides, Virgil

1298 Days Without B III, Day 739 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 048 ~Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So what are my plans? I didn’t plan on sitting at the Dining Room table, but I am. I didn’t plan on finding an episode of an “anime.” But I did. I never planned on B III passing. Then there’s M Anime’s birthday. My E-Day… Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil.

Sunday, August 18, 2024

Meditation 048 ~Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And despite having no physical ailments at the moment other than being “aroused.” You’re not looking good.

Wow! What a way to start off such A Beautiful Morning friend. At least it’s not raining, so Virgil can go out. And hopefully, he won’t leave a mess in the house. I didn’t prepare you for that, sorry. What, buying more shrimp and some baby back ribs wasn’t enough? Probably not. And again, you have this ball of white fluff sleeping beside you. Sigh.

That only gives you more time to grapple with the loss of Braxton. Oh! And say Happy Birthday to M Anime. You wonder how old she is today. She’s somewhere in her late thirties. So, no wonder I’ve been into the “motherly collection” of adult entertainment lately. Seriously, big Yabbos!

But with Virgil here, you climbed out of bed and cried over Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown… Please Effing, Finish The Story!!!
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, that is a lie. A little after 7:00 AM, you were grappling with your upcoming E-Day. God, Forty! You need to make arrangements and plans. A dream would help. But Where Is My Mind?

Last night, I dreamed about a bag of luggage, a symbol of the baggage we carry… in life. Perhaps. You were halfway tempted to check the closet downstairs for the exact bag. Yeah, this morning hasn’t started off too well for you. Do they ever?

You wonder how Braxton did it. Like father, like son, B lived in “perpetual mourning.” That’s why his happiness, horn-dog attitude, and helpfulness were more… pronounced. I couldn’t take that from him, nor would I ever try. But I would walk in, and Braxton’s day?

Ruined? Again, that’s another lie. Like doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Dawn By Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

B mourned, but he made me better. He made the world a better place. He would bark out that the world better watch out for me. And for you? What is your plan this week?

Inevitable. Point, Blank, Period. Endure And Survive… You Are The Walking Dead. I’m sure Cherry asked herself why I went on a rant about Vampires and Zombies. And the Infected versus the Undead. Anyway, you make plans for a future you will never see. Braxton…

Braxton, your zombie apocalypse partner, is gone. And you can’t see past your next E-Day. Hell, you can’t see past Tsubaki Miyajima’s Yabbos. Or Jasmine Teaa’s, M Anime’s, or Cherry’s… You break, bury, and get better. Braxton believed you’d get better. Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil.

1295 Days Without B III, Day 736 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 044 ~Virgil, Go Cover Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

One more reason to feel shame about writing. When I write, and I don’t have to. Uh, isn’t that all of “my” novels? Book Reviews? Blogging daily? And the last thing I want to do after a grueling day at the Day Job is to write. Virgil, Go Cover Braxton

Wednesday, August 14, 2024

Meditation 044 ~Virgil, Go Cover Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Time Travel can be a pain. Recently? I had a conversation with Dear Future Wife on Gotcha Day.

That would be when I met Virgil. Two years ago yesterday, Saturday, August 13, 2022.

Only somehow did Virgil get lucky or unlucky, considering I didn’t have to go to the Day Job. Inspector, I spent a few hours writing to a girl I might never meet. And it was all about a fur buddy who isn’t my son Braxton. And yet, here I am saying I can read anything.

Echo, if I am to read anything, it should be this. Be nice to yourself and Virgil Vivi, too. I would rather read Braxton’s last bill for his euthanasia than that of Virgil’s adoption. Madness.

Braxton’s things cover the coffee table, nightstand, and desk. I’ll look for Virgil’s stuff. Inspector, I’d run to my covers.

That is if I wasn’t comfortable under the covers right now. And yes, pretty embarrassed.

More like tired. Because to this day, I continue to live in the day I lost my little B III. Inspector, today I live with this question. In two years, what have I done for Virgil? Right this second Friday, August 9, 2024. I did go out for Virgil’s food. Oh, I’m a good man…

Of course, I got myself a burger. I’m always finding ways to waste money, Inspector. Finding food for myself is wasting money? It’s not like I have a future. The fortieth E-Day is approaching, and how many “holidays” are there before that? As I said, I traveled to Gotcha Day when I didn’t have to. So what’s next for me?

Uh, yes, Yabbos. M Anime’s birthday is on the 18th. The day after, I should change the air filter like a responsible “homeowner?” This isn’t mine. My Olds are paying for a bum. Their son?

Inspector, they’re covering for a nearly forty-year-old bum. I need alcohol or a drug habit.

But my drug of choice… Yabbos. The story I’m not working on because of the Day Job schedule. It’s something that I can’t read. That’s what you do, Inspector half-asleep. “Throw The Covers” over me.

There’s also looking up “artwork” for the story I want to write. Again, I spent time writing to someone on my day off. Dear Future Wife? Please! I’ll have better luck being covered in dog hair than any woman’s lady parts. Virgil, Go Cover Braxton

1291 Days Without B III, Day 732 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 041 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Line~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton would hold the line against anyone and everyone to keep me safe. Even Virgil was ready to fight a possum once in my defense. As for me… I get scared waiting in the drive-thru. And my day-to-day dealings are iffy. Braxton and Virgil’s Line

Sunday, August 11, 2024

Meditation 041 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Line~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what is today’s line? Your theme, motto, or even a piece of advice. Silence works, too.

But today always starts with Braxton. That’s the truth always with parents and children.

Even when you’re not a father anymore. So where is Virgil again? He broke his streak. What? He only made a “mess” once. It’s not like he crossed the line or anything… That’s what brings us together today. White Lines? As if you can afford “cocaine.” However, you need something to take the edge off. Sleeping under Braxton’s protection is enough.

Of all the memories of your son, it’s B III sitting at the foot of the bed on the corner. Nothing would cross Braxton’s line. That’s the doorway between the bedroom and the world. But every day, you go too far or need to be farther. Take Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or The Call, Matt Shaw
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can’t say the week ended or is starting for you with thoughts of these things. In my case, it was horror and being a meanie. I spoke of not reading certain books in exchange for “The Call.” That was a big mistake. I do have lines I won’t cross. Oh, that book. My God.

Somehow, someway, I feel a million times better about the book you should be writing.

But how did you begin your morning… It’s 5:30 AM. After a line or two of tears for B, you went to X/Twitter and didn’t have to type any disgusting lines to search for. That’s because Carlie Jo was already bare, though she covered that sweet “line” of hers. Yeah.

So, um, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown… Please Effing, Finish The Story!!!
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re struggling with your emotions. That’s clear. Cherry would definitely say you have crossed the line with this, my dude. Braxton’s Aunt? Sigh. You don’t have any lines for her. And I’ve sent her pictures she took with her beloved Gabe. So far… When does one cross the line between comfort and coo-coo? You’re not over B. How do you mourn someone else’s fur buddy?

It’s concerning that M Anime has yet to speak, but that’s her standard wait time. I can’t say I helped you out there, friend. She isn’t Carlie Jo. M Anime’s birthday is coming. And do you still owe B’s aunt?

Your finances are in the red. What line can I say to help you out? There’s a line into Hell… And you’re still at the end? Braxton and Virgil’s Line

1288 Days Without B III, Day 729 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 037 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Helpfulness~

WillLeave a comment

My friend B’s Aunt is hurt. I can’t go and help. I can’t send her cash. And her helper has joined B on the Rainbow Bridge. Good help is hard to find. And the worse… MAGA, GOP, and Conservatives could learn from dogs. Braxton And Virgil’s Helpfulness.

Wednesday, August 7, 2024

Meditation 037 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Helpfulness~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Or I will? As if that’s even a question. But today is Sunday, August 4, 2024. So sinning!

And never winning. But I’m missing my son Braxton. And what about Virgil? As long as he’s not making a mess on the floor, making me hop out of bed… That’ll be for my good.

If there is always something I admire about my son, it’s this. Every sound Braxton made was towards my benefit. Even if he was mad. My little boy said more than nearly anyone in my existence. Well, short of his Aunt and the pictures M Anime and Cherry once sent.

What was it I was saying about sin? Next to sending Braxton to his end and myself being born… E-Day draws ever closer. Admiring a nice pair of Yabbos is my kryptonite. Help yourself to my cash. Pretty, pretty girls.

But I’m still thinking about what happened to Braxton’s Aunt. And before that, her Gabe.
She got hurt, and Gabe died in his sleep. I had to watch Braxton’s euthanasia because there was nothing I could do to save him. Last year, I told 2-V I don’t know my friend.
We were burning up in this house, and I could not help us. Not to mention how much money I lost when his Old Man and his friend took me for a ride with fixing the AC, Inspector. But who am I to talk about money with everything he spends on me? Hmm. I’m ungrateful.

Pathetic, Useless, less than Helpful—my crime with existing. I can’t help anyone, but can I get out of everyone’s way, Inspector? How I try…

If Braxton and I had a theme, Woodkid’s Run Boy Run would be it. I’d tell Braxton I wanted to find a place where we wouldn’t ever be in someone’s way. That would be my way of helping the world. To be far away from it. But because Braxton was alive, I needed to stand.

That’s what a man does, Inspector. He provides, protects, procreates, ha-ha. He stands because the world needs good people. Helpful people. Braxton was a helper. A great man once said look for the helpers. Braxton saved me. He was a godsend, a savior, a dog…

Braxton was a helper, and Virgil could learn plenty. And me? I have no cash or courage, so I can’t help… Braxton and Virgil’s Helpfulness.

1284 Days Without B III, Day 725 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 034 ~Virgil, They’ll B Blood~

WillLeave a comment

To be as smart as John Kramer/Jigsaw. I see my friends fighting desperately. As for myself… If I could join Braxton without any fuss, I would gladly. However, with everything going on. And what can I do? Other than being here? Virgil, They’ll B Blood

Sunday, August 4, 2024

Meditation 034 ~Virgil, They’ll B Blood~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And nothing is creepier than that. You’re “Creepin'” to the mirror for one more day of what?

Pain, Fear, Blood? As much as you believe yourself a “Master” of Sadism… Yeah right! You are but a child of Hedonism. You’re sitting in bed. You situated, satisfied, simpleton!

It’s a constant battle, isn’t it? You’re still grappling with Braxton’s absence and the pain his Aunt is enduring. Then there’s Virgil, whom you must let back in after your morning shenanigans. It’s no wonder the day’s song is from Mr. Luther Vandross—a classic.

Remember The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? It was quite a rollercoaster. And now, you’re dealing with Creepin, LoveWolfVids, Netorare… The critics aren’t pleased, and you’re left wondering about Braxton and Virgil. If only you could be a father to Braxton again? What about Virgil? It’s like facing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or Randomize By Andy Weir
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

If you want to focus on the Impossible, What About Your Friends? What about the rest of us? That’s what you are walking into this week. So you have nothing to complain about? B III’s new friend on the Rainbow Bridge. Yes, that’s the old poem about the afterlife for pets. Braxton’s Aunt? M Anime?

Saturday, I was talking to B’s Aunt, and she is literally living the story of Job from the Bible. I can only imagine what she is going through. And again, what are you doing, hmm?

What could you do even if you were there with her right now? What kind of a man are you? You’re the man who couldn’t save your son and kicked another out because… you’re gross.

You’re not one for Christ clearly or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or Something smaller… Lazy Ass
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But today being Sunday… Sigh. When I was young, a woman told me I would become a preacher someday. And besides the fact that Braxton Barks died on a Sunday…

Thinking about your friends, do you remember John 15:13? Hmm.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

It is so much easier to die for your friends than to live and help them. You would have died for Braxton. And the fact that you would even consider it for his Aunt? M Anime? Even Cherry or Virgil… Must you be so creepy today? While you were watching LoveWolfVids. Why even bother thinking about Halloween? Survive E-Day First?

Braxton’s Aunt knows JSS… Just Survive Somehow. What about you? Still so selfish right now. And what will that lead to? Virgil, They’ll B Blood.

1281 Days Without B III, Day 722 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 030 ~Virgil, Don’t B Bad~

WillLeave a comment

Roleplay, Cosplay, and will I even make it to Halloween. With texts from my father and the things I have to do at the Day Job… If I can be real. I wish I were… uh, with Braxton. Which explains Virgil being all cuddly. “Virgil, Don’t B Bad.”

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Meditation 030 ~Virgil, Don’t B Bad~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. No, not Virgil. He’s been a GD angel from last night to now. How long will he last?

I always expect the worst of people, including my Old Man’s dogs… But that’s a good story for another time. The question is, why am I so late talking to you today? It’s 7:30 a.m.

Humiliations Galore? Sure. But as always, let me remember my biggest sin of all. Echo,

my son is dead. It started on a Wednesday afternoon three years ago. Braxton Barks. Conversely, Virgil pulled a move from Braxton’s playbook, which explains where I am right now. Surprise, surprise, still in bed. And I have time before outside shenanigans. How about breakfast? Both Virgil and I skipped dinner last night as well, Inspector. Why? Braxton dying, me being born, not accepting what I’ve become. Monster, Savage, Coward?

Braxton’s father was my calling.

But yesterday, what was I? Don’t I always say the Day Job makes me into a villain in one way or another? There’s acting, and then there’s whatever I did at the meeting on Tuesday. Inspector, I owe the entire Harlem Nights cast an apology. Especially Della Reese as Vera.

“Are you saying I’m stealing?” Vera from Harlem Nights 1998.

Roleplay Inspector… There’s plenty I can do with that. I scare myself sometimes, and according to my coworkers, I scare them too. But aren’t I roleplaying every day anyway to get by? My Old Man texted me the other day, and I had to pretend to be okay. Echo, it’s exhausting. And the truth is…

I am not okay. I haven’t been since Braxton. It’s hard to keep pretending. They say fake it till you make it, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever make it. Only the real me…

Dead. That’s what “bad” people deserve. But to live as a monster or to die as a good man? You know that’s from the movie Shutter Island. I need to watch that. And the Olympics?

What happened to my patriotism? I’ve had a few POR… Passions. Saddens me to say. I’m starting on Day One again. But I blame the novel I’m writing. I blame Camp NaNoWriMo. But you know what, Inspector? I’m not giving up. I won’t get close to 50,000 words, but 15,000?

But why bother? What “reasonable” person imagines a girl with several gentlemen callers, I ask?

Or think to borrow… well, steal the hotel scene from Himawari wa Yoru ni Saku?

Inspector to spend the day cuddling with my boys. That’s What Makes A Good Man. Maybe. Virgil, Don’t B Bad.

1277 Days Without B III, Day 718 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will