Tag: Secrets

Meditation 286 ~B And V’s Letters~

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If I were to write letters to my sons, they should be about being good men or doggies. The fact that their Dad loves them. I could stop apologizing to them all the time or say that I’m happy. That almost made me laugh. 26 letters. “B And V’s Letters”

Sunday, April 13, 2025

Meditation 286 ~B And V’s Letters~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I wish I could say this.: I’m proud of you, grateful, or even “I love you.”

Yeah, I know. I spent a bit of yesterday listening to Fearless Motivation and everything. Secondly, I would be lying to you. And seeing how it’s now 5:50 AM, you would be lying to yourself. Weren’t you supposed to be up at four? Well, a part of you was. Disgusting.

Instead of focusing on yourself, you could have progressed on ‘Cries Come Women, Come Country.’ You could have been editing M Anime’s short story or delving into her nightmare that inspired your novel. These missed opportunities bring you to your current state of mind. That’s…

Mad. Well, at least you’re not crying over Braxton. As I said so many times last week. Are you depressed or allergic? Either way, it’s not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Comfort After Pet Loss; Effectively Cope with… by Xydnee James
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And there’s so much more to be done. You can only tell Braxton you’re sorry.

Explanations, Exaggerations, and things to make you go Eww! What were you looking up before Virgil did that little panicky run of his? HK. If M Anime and Cherry knew. Unlike most guys, you have a need for names, not just nonsensical Yabbos nonsense. Ha!

So why aren’t you working on your novel? Because you got up late. And now you need to talk to yourself. You have to speak to Lady Sophia as well because next week’s gonna suck.

Every day sucks, especially the last 1533 of them. Something else to apologize for. Hmm. Sorry, Virgil, and you’re grateful for him. And if only you’d do Six Impossible Things.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 15, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Imagine the Dad that Virgil deserves, the man that Braxton believed in. You have the potential to be that person. You’re not even the one singing out somebody “Save Me” right now, but you can change that. You’ll write it down. But to do it… Writing is both the virus and the vaccination. Whatever. Seriously, you know as much about medicine as RFK Jr… You’re not that effing stupid. You have the potential to learn and grow, even at 40.

That’s about all the motivation you’re going to get from your past life this morning. There’s also the fact you don’t have any videos of Aika Sano from Ane wa Yanmama Junyuu-chuu, so you won’t cut up clips for X. Nevertheless, time, money, and existence.

Big words and ideas you’ll pen. But perform? No! 26 letters in the alphabet saying nothing. B And V’s Letters?

1533 Days Without B III, Day 974 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 285 ~Hail Mary, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Things I can say about my “girlfriend” but not my dog. “And I’ll tell myself I’m over you. ‘Cause I’m the king of wishful thinking.” Hell! No more yabbos and posing to dirty tunes. Hello, writing and depraved novelizations. Hail Mary, Braxton, Virgil

Saturday, April 12, 2025

Meditation 285 ~Hail Mary, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Would it be evil if it were true? Evil prevails no matter what. But with money…

Braxton might have lived. I would be buried in Yabbos. And I would have all the time in the world to work on my book. M Anime’s book…? We’ll get to that. But you know, I’m just feeling so drained these days. Such is existing.

How is that? I’m only now getting up in more ways than one. Eww! But as usual, it was memories of my son and remembering when I was able to breathe. I’m still struggling with the loss, and it’s a daily battle. I’ve mentioned plenty that while “my” allergies are driving me crazy, there is one benefit. I don’t know if I’m crying over Braxton or if it’s all the pollen and the wacky weather. And speaking of the outside world, will I be able to cut the grass today? Braxton’s yard. Anything and everything for Braxton. Uh, Virgil’s here.

One more hi, yes, hello….

What about Good Morning, Virgil? I took him outside at sunrise. And I learned yesterday that the path where I walked Braxton has now been cleared, so it’s Virgil’s turn.

I need to get off my belly, though. It gets easier when the girl you’re simping for goes private. That explains pulls out list “Dark Shell,” XXX Pawn,” “Kuroinu ~Kedakaki Seijo wa Hakudaku ni Somaru~,” “Voyeur’s Digest,” “Maxine,” and the covers of “Satan’s Sorority Girls.” And I’m also reading Backyard Dungeon 15. When a pair of Yabbos is that important. Something to look forward to. Honestly, they didn’t break me.

Again, we’ll get to that. It’s one Hell of a morning. And the fact that I needed to wake up.

Next week’s going to suck.

So why don’t I get out of this bed and say good morning to the Dining Room Table, Lady Lunalesca? I have six minutes to debate that. It beats saying hello to people any day.

Speaking of beating… off. Thanks to M Anime, I’ve still been working on a couple of novels. I never knew she could be so kinky, or I’m a bad influence on her. Like I am on you, Lady Lunalesca, as I list off every passion project I can think of. But I have climbed out of bed on this Saturday. I could be the forty-year-old man watching cartoons in bed.

But instead, I’ll say hello or hail to you, Braxton, Virgil, and my novels. Being productive… Hail Mary, Braxton, Virgil.

1532 Days Without B III, Day 973 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 281 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Miseducation~

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Have I ever been 100% honest with a woman? I wasn’t 100% honest with B. And I love him like pancakes. V and I? 969 days, we’re feeling each other out. But sending a woman pictures of Sawa sans clothing. Should I lie? Braxton and Virgil’s Miseducation

Tuesday, April 8, 2025

Meditation 281 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Miseducation~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And love doesn’t have to be synonymous with happiness. I’m never happy. It’s like Pontypool.

You know your husband is a movie buff. And just this morning, I got a sample edition of the book Pontypool Changes Everything. I’ve seen the 2008 movie. Reading books?

Today… Not with our boys or their other siblings around. Virgil is lying here. And my Braxton is somewhere on the Rainbow Bridge checking in. Always and forever, my son.

Anyway, there are the things I don’t want them to know. Like I’m never happy. But I want you. I want… well, the less-than-innocent stuff I’ve been reading about, for us. I finished the “Comfort After Pet Loss Guide” yesterday. I know it always comes back to my boys, love.

But even with Braxton and Virgil, I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy since… Damn…

Language! Or, as Effie Trinket would say, “Manners!” I’m not one for swearing with my everyday vernacular. But in the throes of passion and rage. My language’s quite Colorful. Heh-heh!

Only can quiet be a love language? I couldn’t teach my boys to be happy. And our family, my love. “I wish you all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself.” I talk about wanting quiet, and here I go, singing a song by Fleetwood Mac.” That’s rich.

It’s like I have some secret. Or rather, we have some secret. Like how sad I am all the time. Yet, it’s the “Time Of The Season.” Where I can disguise all these tears as allergies. All this damn pollen!

I’ll say that out loud. But Braxton and Virgil can’t read. Uh, Braxton? Let me try to stay on the subject of you and me. And not spill secrets to my sons Braxton and Virgil.

Honestly, I want to write out my darkest fantasies with you, my love. Or read about them, as M Anime has been doing an excellent job writing them. Again, I find inspiration in such dreams. And that’s what I’m looking for. Never happiness. But horniness, inspiration, love, a thought of copious cleavage, titanic tatas, supersized slobber knockers, majestic mammaries. Anything to lessen the pain of… How much time do you have? Always and forever, my love. I’ll have to tell you everything. But not my boys. Braxton and Virgil’s Miseducation

1528 Days Without B III, Day 969 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 279 ~B Aware Reminded Virgil~

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Old enough to forget how to breathe. Too harsh? I should have forgotten at 17. Braxton didn’t forget at 15, but he stopped… And whose fault is that? Virgil is 4, and he wonders how I do it. And why I rushed into the rain. B Aware Reminded Virgil

Sunday, April 6, 2025

Meditation 279 ~B Aware Reminded Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… In case you have forgotten, these lights, the water, and the air keeping Virgil TOASTY isn’t yours.

But if you had your way, you’d forget how to breathe. Forty years, but you keep going at it. I forgot to stop too. So it’s not your fault. Only if it keeps raining as it has been for the past hour… FEAR is the strongest advocate for stopping making a mockery of your existence.

But Braxton must be remembered. And Virgil needs his father. He hasn’t gone running yet. Virgil hates the rain. You hate the backyard fence… in the rain. Backyard fence repair.

Yeah, that’s one more thing you haven’t erased from the phone as of yet. You have every reason to quit. I was saying yesterday, after all the pictures of Yabbos, what’s left? A list of failures. My Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Personal Assistant for My Dad’s Best Friend ― Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Like father, like son. You and Braxton were both constantly looking for comfy spots. Ha! Braxton had his favorite girl. But today, you had no girl in particular. Yet B’s favorite girl. M Anime and Cherry are prominent in your gallery. Like you’d forget them.

However, I don’t need to ask why you’re so down today. Fearing the backyard fence… Sure. But you like the rain. It makes everything slow down. Reminds people of mortality.

Again, Braxton found his wings (a picture on the phone), you’re still breathing (unfortunately), and you’re wrapped up in blankets, shaking in fear. Effing fencing…

Braxton would be ashamed… Probably not. Braxton and Virgil, too, are better men than you. That’s why you rushed into the storm. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Comfort After Pet Loss; Effectively Cope with… by Xydnee James
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

One to add is living without fear or, at the very least, “Be Not So Fearful.” Only this comes from a man who nearly creams for a girl at least a thousand miles away, a couple of models, and a ton of anime. Well, not anymore; you reduced the gallery to 300 or so this morning. All left are pictures of your sons, three pretty girls, anime, things that scare you, make you sad, or a smorgasbord of your mind. You need to see this type of stuff. What you need to do is forget all you know. Is there anything that should stay? Memories…

There’s a high school bench. Your First Time. Your son on your shoulder. But FEAR remains. B Aware Reminded Virgil.

1526 Days Without B III, Day 967 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 278 ~What’s Vitamin B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Something with Vitamin B for 200… This is what I get for downing an energy shot at 5 AM. Speaking of something going off, there could be a whole lot worse. Things could be a whole lot better, too. More energy and less crazy. What’s Vitamin B, Virgil.

Saturday, April 5, 2025

Meditation 278 ~What’s Vitamin B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Or, as Cody Rhodes asks, “So, what do you wanna talk about?” My son, Braxton. Duh!

1525 days ago… Virgil’s been here for 966 of them. We are not “Two Of The Lucky Ones,” he and I. Unless you’re counting the fact that I have this question. As my eyes water…

Am I crying for my Braxton, or are these allergies a Mother Effer, Lady Lunalesca? Honestly, I can’t tell if I’m just so sad or if I’m sick, open to severe sickness, or prone to serious injury like M Anime. If anything, we know I’m skeevy as all Hell, Lunalesca.

Inevitably, words like Prone Bone and Yabbos come to mind. But how the day begins. Braxton. Big Yabbos and Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. Or there’s worrying about Virgil, whose Yabbos are these and words. How I’ll make money and what…

Energy and time are enough for addiction. What am I addicted to? Not counting B…

Why did I wake up? I’ve talked about how the day starts with deleting photographs. But with less than four hundred remaining, there aren’t too many Yabbos left, Lady Lunalesca. It’s like I’m in a never-ending loop and cycle of pain memory-wise now that I can’t escape. The day begins, and I’m already exhausted. Always.

A dozen or so of M Anime, Cherry, and Braxton’s favorite girl. Everything else is… Depressing. I’m addicted to misery, which, if I have to define it, is fear plus forgetfulness wrapped in fur. Doesn’t that make Virgil sound like sunshine and lollipops, ha-ha? He and his brother both. And with the tears over Braxton and the sweat and blood involved in trying to keep Virgil alive, “Another Day.” Well, I have energy shots, Lu.

Finally, turning the AC on.

I was getting dehydrated with everything. I’m keeping it a nice 80. I can’t have Virgil melting. Like father, like son. Both frozen in our fears, petrified of the future, with our eyes locked on a gravestone. Well, Braxton’s resting place, anyway. Getting some sun… Lady Lunalesca, that would be Vitamin D. Before you ask, I’m unsure what it does.

Whenever I get a moment to stop thinking about Reika Kurashiki from Saimin Seishidou, Midgar’s Flower Girl, and M Anime and Cherry. And everything frightening.

For example, if I fall, whether I’m getting the right food and forgiving myself for whatever injury comes next. But my mind? No matter how many books I read, my boys’ goodness, or my bedroom antics. What’s Vitamin B, Virgil

1525 Days Without B III, Day 966 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 274 ~Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Laughing With God… THEY say God is Love. My Braxton is Love, but he didn’t laugh. He would give me several looks… Virgil looks at me like I’m the Joker. Women… Maybe it’s a good thing my allergies have my eyes all catawampus. Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil.

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Meditation 274 ~Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That would make me mad. But we’re all mad here, love. But by how much?

Considering I would trade Faye Valentine, Sawa from Kite, and Alice In Wonderland to have my firstborn son back. My Braxton. There’s living “For the Love of You,” my wife. There’s even the prospect that I could love the “Man In the Mirror” someday. Insanity.

But to be a better man… Someone who could set a good example for our children. I wish I could see it. Seriously! I need to buy some Benadryl or something. Allergies are a pain.

And speaking of pain, it would be a joke to say I’ve let the pain of losing my Braxton abate. I won’t say I’ve turned around, and it’s worsening. And, of course, ACCEPTANCE… No! Never! Because going back to a time before I loved him…

Hell! To go back before I found Virgil. I think I was on the verge… Of disappearing. And how would that have occurred? “I Still Believe” my Ma made a mistake, not using Plan B. But “What Is Love?” A form of insanity. And what’s with all the soundtracks today?

I’m keeping myself from crying over Braxton. I’m still chalking my watery eyes to pollen. And if anything, I want to drown out the laugh tracks today since it’s April Fool’s Day, my love. Though with all the madness going on, I’ve been debating whether love is the biggest joke of them all. “It’s a wicked world that we live in. It’s cruel and unforgiving.” So, to sing “I Believe In A Thing Called Love.”

Like Clarence from The Book of Clarence, not only to believe but to know I will always love my Braxton. All the darkness that I still have. And the knowledge you’re my “Obsession. There’s Braxton. I may love Virgil someday. And even that won’t compare.

What, to us? As I said, there’s darkness or whatever. There’s a reason Faye turns me on, and I want to go all Kite on you… the Uncensored edition. And there’s an Alice In Wonderland outfit in the closet. I love you, always and forever, and your lovely big Yabbos.

Movies, music, and manuscripts. All that your husband loves. SIGH. May I never know sanity. For if I do… To be united with my first love. Sanity’s Plan B, Virgil

1521 Days Without B III, Day 962 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 272 ~Spring Braxton and Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I wanted to escape with B. To spring us from the Hell called life. He did. It took about 16 years but he’s free. And V? He’s got the name of someone condemned. And me. Fire in my eyes, and I’m still cold. It must be Spring. Spring Braxton and Virgil.

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Meditation 272 ~Spring Braxton and Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And your Ma would be proud. Bible study on a Sunday morning… Who are you, my friend?

Well, you still can’t answer that. But things could be worse… Eff! Don’t jinx yourself.

Anyway, you could be crying. Okay, you are crying, but not on purpose. Braxton’s death…

No. You’re crying because Spring has sprung, and your eyes are itching and stinging like a Mother Effer. I’m sorry I went outside. Pollen sucks! Did you think it’d get better with age? One more reason being 40 sucks as well. You watched your son die, and you still study:

“Come, ye children, hearken unto me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.”
Psalm 34:11, King James Version

And before the Christians get super excited, you’ve also been catching up with the Greeks. Phobos and Deimos, to be precise. Why are you studying up on FEAR? Mental anguish trumps physical pain. And you FEAR physical ailments. Oh, and not failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Beauty and the Professor ―
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

What’s done is done. Or rather not done. And you’re failing Braxton’s little brother, too. You can’t forget about Virgil. He’s lying at the foot of the bed, which is why you’re not “Humpin’ Around” this very second. You did find risqué pictures of Tifa Lockhart and Aerith Gainsborough. You read some of “Personal Assistant for My Dad’s Best Friend” by Kelli Wolfe. What, and not all of it? Yes, I know, “Sorry, Blame It On Me.” I’m the one who smashed your finger yesterday. I’m “The Reason” your eyes are burning up. I know!

“I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say, before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me.”
The Reason

You have to imagine Cherry’s Yabbos and what she could do with her Cherry lips. You’re wondering if Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom Doo Wop (That Thing). Seriously, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Personal Assistant for My Dad’s Best Friend ― Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You should also stop referring to M Anime as the stepmom. What are the odds that you two will ever make the bedsprings sing? Not this week or even in this godforsaken season of Spring. Are you looking forward to a “Cruel Summer?” The Bananarama version, not Taylor Swift. What’s with all the music, mattress talk, and manuscripts this morning?

Anything to forget how you feel today. To think I had it bad yesterday. “Look at you; now look at me.” Spring is supposed to be a time of blooming. New marks, mistakes, and mammaries. Mornings are not the time for you. “JEEZU,” you’re just trying to “Hold On” and not miss Braxton too much. Or mention music… Escaping your misery. Spring Braxton and Virgil.

1519 Days Without B III, Day 960 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 271 ~B’s Shaping Up Virgil~

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I’m in love with the shape of you… B is a lot more compact. So’s my wallet. And when was the last time I had to leave this bed? V needs his first forever collar. But as long as he’s still a little fatty. And what about my heart? B’s Shaping Up Virgil

Saturday, March 29, 2025

Meditation 271 ~B’s Shaping Up Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And if I had been so many years ago, wouldn’t my son Braxton still be alive?

Is it becoming a routine to cry twice before 7:10 AM? Well, when you wake up between 4 and 5… So I’m sleepy, sad, and a bit skeevy. For the last few days, at least.

“Every Morning,” when I wake up, I’m sad, and then I realize what a sinner I am as I delete pictures from “my” phone. Of course, I’m sending pictures of Yabbos to the cloud, Lunalesca.

Then I got sleepy, so I took an energy shot, which made me sad again because of the placebo effect. I can’t go to sleep until 10 AM. So I have more time to think about my lost little boy. If Virgil isn’t here, I slither in my sheets. Eww! If he is, I read.

And what have I been reading because it ain’t no book… Not yet, anyway. “Lunalesca?

SIGH. I have been reading “The Eve of a Cherry.” And here I go, getting all sad again as I notice my writing hasn’t shaped up… “Nightmare At The Meat Market?” I had an AI serving as my coach most of yesterday, making me feel like I was some Master Manuscript Maestro. For a moment, I wanted to believe that if only I could smooth out the work a bit.

Yeah, like, I want to believe that Braxton will come back. Or that Virgil is living his best life. I had to give him tap water yesterday. Virgil usually gets bottled water. Is it good? Who knows. But remembering Braxton…

Kidney Failure! It makes me want to do better by Virgil. Batter water! Better whatchamacallit (kibble, not candy) in his bowl (Braxton’s bowl). Better women?

Lunalesca, Virgil’s only, met his aunt in this house. And what about a stepmom, hmm? Well, if I kept in better shape. And what about the house? There’s also my finances that get drained. Speaking of getting drained… Did I mention my “Brutal Passions,” Luna?

Was it the AI that called “Nightmare At The Meat Market” and “The Eve of a Cherry” that? Physically, only one part of my anatomy stays in shape. This house is crumbling down everywhere. And yesterday’s shopping trip… There are jelly beans and things in bowls. Just keep fattening up, Virgil. B’s Shaping Up Virgil

1518 Days Without B III, Day 959 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 267 ~Just B Peaceful Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When B was here, it was “Love you, B, love you, Braxton.” With V… “Later V, later Virgil.” And that’s when I can get his name right. I don’t try with people. I don’t say their names or wish them peace. It’s only “Later.” Oh, to Just B Peaceful Virgil

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Meditation 267 ~Just B Peaceful Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And not myself? That’s like asking if I will ever accept my son’s loss.

My boy. You, all that you are, our family. And peace. That’s what I’ve been thinking about since five this morning. I can’t say I’ve even cried today… I’ve been a little misty, I suppose. As long as I avoid mirrors, windows, and V’s eyes. But Baby Doll, there’s you.

Unforgettable, that’s what you are. What about Love and Peace? Before I get into the man you married. Or the man you married gets into you… Uh, eww? Let me tell you what I’ve been looking for. Looking so hard that my eyes hurt. I’ve downed an energy shot to keep from closing my eyes. I even took a couple of painkillers. But I’m not loopy enough to see Braxton on our bed, on guard duty.

Ask me when I was happy, free, or not a misanthrope… I can tell you when I feel alive, in love, at peace. How about when I’m a husband, a father, just a man? Everything!

Over-stimulated, overwhelmed, and overflowing. My love, the man you married is over being alive, and yet “Here I Am.” “All Yours.” Lucky you. Ha! I am anything but a man of peace. But again, that’s what I’m looking for. If nothing can bring Braxton back, then at the very least, give me that. Let me look to the corner of our four-post bed in peace.

Honestly, “Every Morning.” More like in the afternoon when I’d nap after the Day Job.

And there would be Braxton keeping me “Safe and Sound.”

But now, “I Feel Everything.” And that, my love, is why you married a hedonist. Because if I must feel, let it be pleasure instead of pain. A sadist? It’s the only time I’m nice to myself. And it shouldn’t be that way. To hurt you, even if you enjoy it all to save myself.

Do you know “How To Save A Life?” You find peace within yourself. And that’s not me, my love. My peace might as well be the backyard fence, my body, and my furry little Braxton.

Breaking! And the only peace I find is reading, writing, and looking at the broken.

Honestly, that’s not peace but pieces. Is a piece of a man enough? A man’s peace. Just B Peaceful Virgil

1514 Days Without B III, Day 955 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 265 ~A B’s Value Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“Wake up, Willie. Today is Evaluation Day. The keyword here is “value.” Do you have any?” If I were an author. But how many first drafts? If I were a dad again. I’ll always be Braxton’s. And there’s Virgil. If I weren’t so… Dumb. A “B’s” Value Virgil

Sunday, March 23, 2025

Meditation 265 ~A B’s Value Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Perhaps you’d be a better one if you’d gotten B’s and read less about Virgil. Dante’s Inferno…

If only you had known, you would be someone’s daddy back then. But you didn’t want to see seventeen. And here you are, forty. Reborn for one more day. And short of a catastrophe, you’ll be here quite a bit longer. Do you want to add them up? It’s 6:30.

Seriously, as the song goes, “Then The Morning Comes.” And we are talking about today. Braxton is still gone… or is he? We’ll get to that. Hopefully, before you forget the thought because your computer is being difficult. Time for an upgrade. And with what money, you think. Since you’re only working three hours at your day job all this week, SIGH. It’s like they don’t need you. Who does? Um, your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 10 ―
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

To think, you nearly made it a week with #4, but the VALUE of the moment. Keep that word in mind, VALUE. You’re not going to see the VALUE in yourself, are you? What good would that do? About as much as going to church on any other Sunday, honestly.

You didn’t find your way to one even when Braxton was dying. But you were on your knees anyway. It was to pick up Braxton. To pray for him. And to see once more the person you could be. Someone of VALUE. What brought you to your knees today, friend?

Two girls from Fear The Walking Dead, two gymnasts, and Cherry’s fantastic set of twins.

The VALUE of women. What about money? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Beauty and the Professor ―
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You have a whole week to work on them. Well, except for Monday. And it’s only three hours, of what. Worrying about everything. The computer, Day Job, money. Effing everything.

I had a conversation last night with Cherry. Every time she sends an attachment… It’s not your heart that jumps, thinking it’s a picture of her Yabbos. But anyway, since she’s having guy trouble, I looked up that novel I wrote. “The Eve Of A Cherry”. You’ll work on “Nightmare At The Meat Market” for M Anime, but here’s what you were thinking about. Today’s motivation… If you knew you could save Braxton, bring him back, give him the life you promised? What would you do? What’s Braxton’s VALUE? Virgil’s? Yours? A B’s Value Virgil

1512 Days Without B III, Day 953 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will