Tag: Heaven

Journey 231 ~Braxton Shapes Up Virgil~

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“You better shape up. ‘Cause I need a man And my heart is set on you.” I’m trying. B knows I try. How many boxes did I unload Monday… 1300? I’m effing exhausted. Plus, talking to my furry son and a smoking-hot Latina. And V? Braxton Shapes Up Virgil.

Tuesday, February 17, 2026

Journey 231 ~Braxton Shapes Up Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly,” which I have never seen. Tonight?

You know me much too well, baby girl. I don’t feel like crying over my boys, Braxton and Virgil. And don’t our two-legged indiscretions have friends? Am I laughing? Exhaustion.

But I won’t go getting “Tired of you.” Obsession? As if you didn’t already know… “You are an obsession, you’re my obsession.” And I’m saying, “Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on,” love. “Sexual Healing?” After yesterday? I suppose it could be worse. Day Job?

Honestly, I had cuck fantasies that you would not believe. And with my tiredness, love…

But tonight, as James Blunt sings “I Want You.” I thought we were watching a movie. Or am I getting a dirty Spanish lesson? And then there’s my thing for kimonos and Native Americans, “Suddenly.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Dirty Spanish Lessons

Mamame el bicho = Suck My dick
Doblate = Bend Over
Chupatelo = Suck It
Trsgatelo = Swallow It
Te lo voy a meter I’m Gonna Stick It In, Inside
Mas duro = Harder
No pareses cono = don’t stop, dammit

Good? I never knew learning Spanish could be so much fun. It wasn’t in high school. And when I met Braxton, I was in college… AHEM junior college. Mexican dogs and Latina chicks, Asians, or Native Americans. And I’m proud to be an American. But I’m not MAGA. FDT! It would be bad if I ever joined them effing Cracker Hats. But what’s really bad. Pretty much everything they do. And another reason why I’m so exhausted. When I’m not thinking about your pretty clothes on the floor, it’s how to buy more. A Man Provides! And I’m trying. Braxton knows I’m trying for you, for his legacy, our two-leggeds, and Virgil. But I’m not going to lie. The finances have me “All Shook Up.”

Free YouTube for all this music or Spotify. Did I say free? That is such an ugly lie, my love. All kinds of UGLY!!! Didn’t the bill just shoot up to $100 for the month? Are they serious? Double the price since we got the service. Mother efferes. Effing economy!

However, there is something even uglier. And I’m just now realizing why I “Need You Tonight.” Because I’m not good for my mental health. Surprise, Surprise! Braxton and our two-leggeds see their Dad. When you see me, I’m all “I’m Too Sexy. Hell, I’d take Virgil’s confused looks. I’m just “Some Guy” like King Ezekiel. And I’m too old to shape up, to be better. But there’s AI. There’s lying. Death? Braxton Shapes Up Virgil.

1843 Days Without B III, Day 1284 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 230 ~Money Talks, Braxton, Virgil~

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A $400 expense… I heard that it can ruin most Americans. And if Virgil got sick… As sick as Braxton. Gone are the days I could help out his Favorite Girl. And what about my Favorite Girl? She hustles, and I try, but still Money Talks, Braxton, Virgil.

Monday, February 16, 2026

Journey 230 ~Money Talks, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Beats “In God We Trust,” doesn’t it? It wasn’t the dollars you spent, I looked forward to hearing, ever.

The luxury of children, am I right? More like, am I write? Your back pocket, body, and brain. What a day to wake up to at The Bad Place. You know that place you would go to all the time, and when you came back, you didn’t want to talk for a long time. Sleepy?

That’s what today reminds me of. After “The Long Walk…” Maybe that’s what I should call The Bad Place. Unimaginable riches? For me, that is being with you, Dad. Fries?

Daddy, you got me there, but they didn’t hurt, did they? Golden fries, I should say—and green paper. We’re going on six years… Five years, 16 days. And color is still a new thing.

They speak to me, Dad.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

It’s like how music speaks to you. Beauty and a beat. Let’s say that’s you and M Anime, my father. Beasties and a beat? That would be Virgil and me. Remind me to talk to my little bro. I need to go all Shadow to Chance on him. “Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey.” Another long walk? The one wish? And isn’t it “Ironic?” My wish was for “The Long Walk” to have two winners. And yours? To be with me. Keep “Running Up That Hill.” And we both “die” on our respective hills. You just have much farther to go.

Today, you woke up wondering how you’re going to make it without an almighty dollar.

Do I “Speak Like A Child? 21, January 31, 2026.

But I’ll leave the Cowboy Bebop references and Faye Valentine kink to your favorite girl, M Anime. Really, Dad, Eww! You and my potential stepmom. But I’ll tell you this, Daddy, I’d rather be behind your door listening to hear teach you dirty Spanish than hear you breathe your last because a green piece of paper told you that you aren’t good enough. My father.

There is a little white ball of fluff that is your son and my little brother lying at your feet. Yes, V has trouble being woke, he’s weepy, and he’s a bit of a wimp. He is his Dad’s son.

I’m just kidding. But listen to Virgil. Listen to the Man In The Mirror. But SIGH! Money Talks, Braxton, Virgil

“Your pets want to help you heal. They want to communicate with you. All you need to do is listen.”
Yes, Pets Do Go To Heaven!
― By Sophia Grace

“Do not give way to misfortune, but press on the more bravely.”
― The Aeneid

1842 Days Without B III, Day 1283 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 226 ~That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil~

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All For Love? I met B when he was barely two months old, and stayed until 13 days shy of his 16th birthday. He passed in his own bed at the vet’s. Right now… Most days, I know I should have followed him. All For One. That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil.

Thursday, February 12, 2026

Journey 226 ~That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil~

1838 Days Without B III, Day 1279 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed—things my Olds never said to me ever.

So what am I saying it to you for? Isn’t it Ironic, I blame you when I feel like this?

Like, I might die? A stomach bug, a toothache, like I got hit by a truck, and every bone was breaking after the Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident, and there’s drowning.

Honestly, B, I shouldn’t have made it to forty-one, but here I am wishing you a Happy Birthday. More like Welcome to Level Twenty-One! Your birthday is tomorrow, of course.

But again, who knows if I’ll live to see it. Wrong words, Braxton Barks Bradford. But if I turn the computer a certain way as I sit here in bed, I can imagine it’s you lying against my leg, and now your little brother Virgil.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Must I be so mean? If you want to see ornery, yep, that’s me getting up after puking into a garbage can next to the bed. Eww! Do I blame that Jack’s chicken? Downright blasphemy. The best legs, breasts, and thighs can be found in a bucket/box of chicken ha-ha. For me, I’d say on your Favorite Girl, Cherry, or your potential stepmom, M Anime.

Speaking of which, maybe it’s all the horrible things I was thinking about her, before, then after the breakup, and now the reconciliation, when she needs me to be the man she needs me to be. The “Only One For Me.” Yeah, yeah, B, once upon a time, it was you and me against the world. But yabbos, hot sauce…

I’m not MAGA. Being a horrible human being can actually make me sick. Or I should sue Buffalo Wild Wings for that Wild Sauce. “Put you on the highway to Heaven like I’m your Uber.” Was that BWW or Hallelujah Heaven? Hell, it’s been five years, B III, I know.

Five years since your trip to the Rainbow Bridge. And if you told me I would die with all this pain and get to join you. I’d actually consider myself blessed. I’d follow you, Braxton.

And it’s a good thing I can’t eat anything. Diddly next to squat this paycheck, and next week is squat as in zero. So, about your birthday? M Anime says I listen. You’d say Stay Alive. That’ll B Heavenly, Virgil

‘It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 224 ~B’s House Party Virgil~

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Didn’t I say something about “Bloom” canned energy last week? I didn’t need an energy shot today. Not like I could afford it after a fake STUPID Bowl party Sunday. And today, five years ago, my B came or went home… Whatever. “B’s House Party Virgil”

Tuesday, February 10, 2026

Journey 224 ~B’s House Party Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Love and Marriage. But I’m trying, baby doll, to be one for Love and Happiness.

So “happy” in fact that I almost forgot what day it was. The things I think about as “I watch my youngest son and it helps to pass the time.” Really? Kid Rock, today? Eff!

Seriously, the guy’s STUPID. But then again, I’m the one looking up how many pallbearers are needed. When I carried my firstborn son, my B III, out of PetSmart… Eff!

There was a box in a little blue bag from “Pet Angel.” And some of his ashes are in a pendant that I wear even now. Always and forever. Well, since Wednesday, February 10, 2021. And here my Braxton remains. As I brought Virgil in from our walk today, I thought, “Our house is a very, very, very fine house.”

Braxton and I. What about his little brother? What about our two-legged brood, my “Sweet Love.” I’m sure your boobs/Yabbos had much to do with that. More like my “Salty Chocolate Balls.” What? Would you rather have me crying for the rest of the day?

Honestly, I don’t think I have cried for Braxton today. “A House Is Not a Home” without him…? Am I daring to question that? Wait, aren’t we supposed to be talking about your big uns? Sure, but as much as I love them. Hell, I’m in love with the “Shape of You.” “All of Me” loves all of you. But why am I not “Dancing In The Street?” I’m discombobulated.

“I Feel Everything.” Can I feel the radio dial, hmm?

I wish I had earlier, but now, I feel like I failed a Math class sophomore or junior year, got jailed that ONE time, left Navy basic training, worried about me while B lay dying, failed him, and carried him out in a bag all rolled into one. And is there more, my baby girl?

With everything, I’m hot, hard, and horny. And I want my balls between your boobs.

Being an effing husband, can I not say I want to slam my balls home inside my very lovely wife? When the house is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’. But today my dearest heart…

Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That. I should mourn, grieve, and throw my pity party. Always… B’s House Party Virgil

“It’s a celebration, and everyone should invite me.”
Number One Spot
— Song by Ludacris

1836 Days Without B III, Day 1277 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 223 ~Braxton’s Verity Vacation Virgil~

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Didn’t I say last week I didn’t feel like partying? So, last night? I’d watched a game I cared nothing about, bought food I couldn’t afford. Let V eat his heart out. And stared at the ceiling for hours. Upper room? “Braxton’s Verity Vacation Virgil.”

Monday, February 9, 2026

Journey 223 ~Braxton’s Verity Vacation Virgil~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Did you have a good day? A good night anyway. A full belly, an open heart (compared to MAGA)

And while Heaven is as good at its open-door policy as you were. I’ve never been so tempted not to go “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door.” Not that I ever did in the first place, Dad.

“Diggin’” at you? Of course not, that’s why I used the “Cowboy Bebop” movie… Sorry.

But I can’t help being a bit jealous of you and Virgil after last night. My little brother deserved everything, no doubt. Street Tacos, Ranch Wings with the wild sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings, Fries for him, and Onion Rings for you. Do you remember when my Favorite Girl warned you about Onions? She had to ruin my fun. But “Here I Am” Dad pawing and thinking, I “Gotta Knock a Little Harder.” I’m trying.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Don’t worry, my father, I’ve eaten. The question is “Have you eaten yet?” I’m sure we’ve had Panda Express, but the glow box has been particularly annoying with those commercials, the STUPID Bowl, as you call it. And of all the colors I was introduced to on the Rainbow Bridge, orange is not my favorite color: Mother Effer’s orange, Daddy.

Yes, I know, Language! But I was here the first time that… Human… No, he’s not. Nothing like you, Dad, or any other human. Only I was with you the whole time. Then he left.

Why should either of us care right now? I only want to remember, to celebrate, to bark Here’s To The Night, the many nights, the many days, to the times…

The E-days, the moments grandma or grandpa would come with turkey and ham, or when we would go to that place that stuck me with pokey things (shudders), only you would get me McDonald’s and say you were sorry about all those people muzzling me.

These were our vacations, getaways, and holidays. When my favorite girl would come over, we would have all sorts of food and watch the glow box. Sweet. Peaceful and Awesome.

M Anime wasn’t my potential future stepmom yet, but you were talking to her, Daddy.

Honestly, I’m going to say it, “And in this moment, I am happy.” You’d never say that, I know. Who needs Heaven when “I only want to be with you.” But Braxton’s Verity Vacation Virgil

“But think about it― what would your pet’s Heaven be like?”
Yes, Pets Do Go To Heaven!
By Sophia Grace

“There, the heroes who have lived justly and honorably enjoy endless leisure, free from the burdens of earthly cares.”
Aeneid

1835 Days Without B III, Day 1276 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 219 ~Minus Braxton and Virgil~

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So, if life is a game, then love is the instruction. B, His Favorite Girl, V, and M Anime, who loves me… And still I don’t effing love me. But maybe I’m not in the negatives. Oh right. Minus Braxton and Virgil.

Thursday, February 5, 2026

Journey 219 ~Minus Braxton and Virgil~

1831 Days Without B III, Day 1272 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I ask that every day, when you would emerge and when the house was empty.

And it was for around 559 days if the math is correct. But you know your Dad and Math, B III. Wasn’t I still in college… Ahem, junior college, when we first met? And according to my Math, you were supposed to outlive me. Come on, with my track record. Also, something I said to your potential stepmom yesterday. First off, Eww! And second History. But for now, there’s Math, and why this subject came to mind: the bank, Braxton.

Someone has their ones and zeros confused. And if it’s not that, look what time it is, Braxton. 4:40 AM? Madness. Your brother is here. How many hours has he just been lying here, Baby B? And one day I’ll be without him too. WTF!

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I’m always talking to you about language, so I apologize. And we’ll get to that too. Or maybe Science, Biology, how about P.E.? Eww! I should stop being gross. Although I don’t see nothing wrong, with a little “Bump N’ Grind.” This brings us back to History and the fact that I’m once again… Infatuated, Obsessed… Something with M Anime.

Braxton, you know I’ve been thinking plenty about you. The 31st, you “left”. The 4th: “I See Fire.” The 10th: “I retrieved you.” The 13th is your 21st birthday. Historical.

Honestly, I’m doing better than MAGA remembering. Except I‘m not doomed… I’m not Baby B. Call it “Faith of the Heart,” But I want to believe in M Anime. And your brother’s love and life.

Virgil’s life. I don’t know how he stands me sometimes. He talks to you, Braxton…

Let’s move into the paranormal. Why don’t we, hmm, B III? Am I Frankenstein, as I keep bringing you back? I could be the Umbrella corporation, which would make you Resident Evil… No, that’s me. Also, it’s effing February! But your spirit, specter, your sentients…

Hell, are we going to get into AI? “She Blinded Me with Science.” M Anime? No, “Son, what you don’t understand, my words might never explain.” What, her yabbos? Ha-ha!

“Don’t Look Down” on those Braxton. Just like Pizza Girl’s ass from Ian and Kye’s Pizza… Your Dad is just… A freak? A “Creep.” Yet love remains. Yours, V’s, and M’s. Minus Braxton and Virgil?

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 217 ~Seeing Double B, V~

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B’s Best Girl will tell you that I don’t drink. Thanks to my effing Day Job, I’m back on energy shots. “Bloom.” The correlation? Clueless. But I’m trippin, I’m sliding, I’m riding through the back like buck. Dreamt of twins. “Seeing Double B, V”

Tuesday, February 3, 2026

Journey 217 ~Seeing Double B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That doesn’t make me an angel. I’m more like a cyclops. Anatomically correct and everything.

But before we get all horizontal, it’s time for my favorite gameshow, Things you can say about your doggos AND your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/wife. Dammit, August 24th.

Babydoll, I wasn’t drunk then… Ok, I was a little “Drunk On You.” Oh, I’m starting up early this AM with the music. When I wake up to you, my “Starry Eyed Surprise,” my “Angel.” Suppose Anita Baker and Shaggy can agree. Hmm? You’re an angel… Now B and V…

We can pretend. But my boys… Eyes, ears, and noses everywhere. Braxton knows I can’t see a goddamn thing with all the crying I’ve been doing lately about him. And Virgil as well. And the month is only just beginning. As I was saying last night, the 4th, 10th, 13th

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I See Fire, as in Braxton’s Cremation, thank you, Ed Sheeran. I should get my eyes checked because that can’t be my son’s name telling me he’s gone. I collected his “remains” on Wednesday, February 10, 2021. And it will be his 21st birthday on the 13th. I really need to start drinking. But my boys are already the most beautiful things in this world.

Oh yeah, you too, my gorgeous wife. If you want to drop me love, as King Priam said, “Do you really think death frightens me now?” I relish the idea of closing my eyes and being reunited with my firstborn son. But as I said, I’m no angel. I’m going straight to Hell. And for more than failing my son.

The one-eyed monster in my pants, for starters. Him between your twins? That ain’t very appropriate ha-ha. And why not? A Tuesday morning in bed with you. The kids are asleep. I’m sure V is watching over them. And how many kids are conceived around…

February, uh, Valentine’s Day. A man has to have eyes everywhere. And I wish I could be all romantic with “I Only Have Eyes For You.” I do my love. No doubt about it. Ever.

And if you had a sister… Eww? A twin sister… Is that worse? It’s only a fantasy, my “Sweet Love.” Call it my Double Trouble fantasy. One we could live out. In a way… But I see Braxton’s ashes. Virgil’s fur. Seeing Double B, V

1829 Days Without B III, Day 1270 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 216 ~Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Drink~

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Anything beats the taste of tears. And I wish I had chugged some energy drink. But at the moment, there’s only drool. Work sucks, I know. B isn’t the only one who knows a good song. But I don’t feel much like partying. “Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Drink.”

Monday, February 2, 2026

Journey 216 ~Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Drink~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Did you have a good day? Am I really the one asking that? We could both use a drink.

Like father, like son. We don’t drink. My Favorite Girl could tell you that. Grieving…

She’d like to hear from you anyway, Dad, but you’re in no mood, especially since we’re speaking early. Sunday, February 1, 2026. The day after I left five years ago. So you can’t feel bad about not leaving the bed all day. You spent the 31st watching movies, Daddy. I wonder what’s on my little brother’s mind with all this. You know what, scratch that, Dad. And no, I didn’t become a cat or an angel since I got up here, ha! Honestly, Dad, today…

I’m more like a designated driver, more like a walker. I hated your rolling machine.

Daddy, I should also work on my wording. A Walker…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I’m as much of a zombie as you are a swimmer. But if you keep crying like this, you’ll be “Dead Like Me” soon enough with the flood. Now that was not funny. Sorry Dad. Someone has to lighten the mood. And once upon a time, it was as if I was barking “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head. And with you, Dad, you would always say, when it rains, it pours. But now with Virgil, you know it is/was with me and my little brother, Daddy. “Singin’ In The Rain.” And you are our “Mr. Blue Sky.” Effing soundtrack!

Language! I know Dad. Watch my barks. But after your cry session Saturday, and trying not to drool all over M Anime’s yabbos. Daddy, eww!

She’s been trying to get your attention all day. And “I Can See Clearly Now, the rain is gone.” But not for you last week or this one. You need a whiskey drink, a vodka, a lager, or a cider, right? No, “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,” right, my father.

Or madness when it comes to you humans and love. Again, Daddy, eww! But I’d… Begrudingly accept you and M Anime. Or even the rage you feel at the Bad Place, which is why again we’re talking “Here And Now.” Am I a doctor, a DJ, some sort of drink specialist, whatever the young humans call bartenders? We’re old men. But drinking, partying. Being happy… Gasps. Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Drink

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
― Yes, Pets Do Go To Heaven!
By Sophia Grace

“Potum Largius Aequo”
The Aeneid

1828 Days Without B III, Day 1269 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 212 ~Sit-down And B Virgil~

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I didn’t see today like this. Five years ago, I got the call that my son was suffering from kidney failure. And I didn’t expect today I’d hear from another lost love, and “Oops (Oh My)” are those my pants? V and B are outside. “Sit-down And B Virgil”

Thursday, January 29, 2026

Journey 212 ~Sit-down And B Virgil~

1824 Days Without B III, Day 1265 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Around this time five years ago, I’m sure the answer would be Hell No, Braxton.

You were at the vet’s office. But I was imagining that “Big Beautiful Bill” for them to find out what was wrong with you. First off, Eww! Using the words of that orange doofus in the White House. I’m getting off topic, but someone got on me for using that A-Hole’s words yesterday. Blah, blah, “But that’s okay.” Ragebait. I’ll admit it. For the record…

Your Daddy is hopeless. Anyway, I was lying on this loveseat… Was that my meditation phase, or was I in bed sick, sleeping, or stroking it? Again Eww! Really! Seriously!

Anyway, five years ago today, I still had my world. I had you. However, you were in another’s hands. No guard duty for you, as you were interviewing for Heaven.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Hell! You could have been saving your strength to take on Cerberus, B. Dad’s Hell-bound?

After what happened to you? No question? Treachery in the Ninth Circle of Hell, Braxton.

But today, seeing “Well, we didn’t get dressed up for nothing.” Ain’t I lying? Honestly.

Braxton, this is definitely one of those times I would have sent you to your room for a while. I can’t say your little brother is “HAPPY” with me either. Virgil is literally hiding under his pillow. What? He had the whole damn loveseat for about an hour while I…

Gave into Sloth before Lust! Standing, lying down, or sitting, I’ll remain a “Lazy Ass.”

Brooms sang “Lazy Ass” best. So if you’re wondering why we’re talking right this minute…

A little while ago, I was standing outside with your little brother. And I was wondering what his malfunction is. He’s been here four years! I haven’t figured Virgil out.

Anyway, when I was thinking of going out, I started talking to M Anime. Don’t give me that look, B. “Here It Goes Again.” Locked doors, gates up, and me trying not to do laundry. Eww! But there’s a reason M Anime was nearly your stepmom, and she’s using two of her “assets” to convince me of her and my misunderstanding. Your Favorite Girl wouldn’t be happy. And me forgiving? I’ve been sitting here for five years, and I’ve never forgiven myself for losing you. $455.96 to find out… You’re dying. Sit-down And B Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 210 ~Braxton’s Forgiveness Lessons V~

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I’m adding “I’m Sorry” to my list. Words like Happy and Home. And sometimes even the word Love. We say these things and then what? It’s complicated. I want to be and mean more. But first forgiveness. For what? A lot. “Braxton’s Forgiveness Lessons V”

Tuesday, January 27, 2026

Journey 210 ~Braxton’s Forgiveness Lessons V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And how long has that been again? Am I asking to die? Uh, this week?

As much as I believe I’m going to the Ninth Circle of Hell, I have hope. Such mad hope, but there it is. I may see my son again. My B III. But what about you, our kids, and 2-V?

But first there’s you. Ok, I’m lying. First, there was/is my Braxton. My firstborn son.

Babydoll, “I Knew I Loved You before I met you.” Only I can say the same thing to B III.

“I’m sorry.” Two more words I’ve been thinking a lot about this week. Braxton’s last. That was five years ago, of course. Has Braxton forgiven me for what happened? Death.

McDonald’s doesn’t deliver to the Rainbow Bridge. But with enough time, Braxton would forgive me. A good track record, right?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

“Love Is A Long Road.” As long as “Rainbow Road?” Our children, and that’s Virgil too, deserve better than a man like me. A man who can never forgive the boy who grew up to be me. Would it honor Braxton if I could adopt his teaching? Like adopting Virgil.

Honestly, he’s mine, ours, everything we have. Yet “I’m feelin’ like a prisoner. Like a stranger in a no named town.” And “Nobody Knows it but me.” “What’ve I’ve Done?”

Hell! I should apologize for all the music I’m quoting. Why? I’m not MAGA. FDT! Apologizing to this forty-one-year-old man that I am. What does it do? Whose it for?

Seriously, my dearest Love, it would do nothing. It would mean nothing. I hate myself.

“Only you?” Should you apologize, or shall I? What if we both conceded, concur, and come apart in each other’s arms? Submit, surrender, and swear to each other that what’s done is done, and we can try never to hurt each other again. But we will. It’s Love, always and forever. I could never hate you. Though the term hatefuck comes to mind. And why.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? More like “A Hard’s Day Night.” Cruelty? Darling, you can be so “Heartless.” I mourn my son always and forever. And I can’t ask you to mourn a dead man. We’d both be saying we’re sorry until we’re blue in the face, and then what? I love you. Braxton’s Forgiveness Lessons V

1822 Days Without B III, Day 1263 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will