Tag: Hurt

Meditation 212 ~Virgil On B’s Whereabouts~

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While I don’t remember the day, there was the look in Braxton’s eyes as we sat at the front door. He’s here, I’m here, and that was enough for both us. But V looks so lost. Indeed, I lost my way in this place, after B… Virgil On B’s Whereabouts.

Wednesday, January 29, 2025

Meditation 212 ~Virgil On B’s Whereabouts~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I should have done more. What… Sin? I’ve actually been a very good boy. Wednesday, January 22, 2025.

So, where is Braxton? For that matter, where is Virgil? 2:30 PM… “Do You Know Where Your Children Are?” One out of three or more ain’t bad. So Inspector? Braxton?

Considering from where you’re sitting… the week Braxton died? But at this moment, there have been a few tears for my firstborn son. I need only think of Braxton’s name, then… Only if you mean literally Braxton is in his box on the nightstand. And the pendant on top of that when I’m not wearing it. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Braxton’s soul.

Virgil Vivi Bradford is at the foot of the bed as usual. Breathing, Existing, Sleeping.

Inspector, in doing that, he’s keeping me out of trouble. Zone-Tan, Adore Me and MILFS?

I told you earlier today in Meditation 205 ~B Nights, See Virgil~ I’ve been reading Ryan and His Beauties 2, which, simply put, is about Ryan and the newcomers to his growing “family,” the Milf Jody and her daughter Olivia. For Braxton’s sake, can I keep it in my pants? However, as I said, Braxton’s passed away. Virgil’s snoring away. But what about some two-legged kids? Uh, with who? M Anime? Valentine’s Day, Dear Inspector.

Regrettably, I’ve been unable to focus on my Lost Boy today, Inspector. Or on the idea that he’ll have siblings, I’ll tell about his life one day. ‘Well, my left hand’s free,’ I say, but it’s a crude joke. Where is the man I was when I was mourning Braxton?

Hell! Where is my money? This is my son B III, whom we’re talking about; this is his fourth year of being gone. Birthdays, Christmases, and the day he passed away, so 12 gifts, Inspector?

And where do I send those gifts? How do I afford said gifts when I’m too busy looking up Dakimakura, things to show off M Anime’s assets, and more books? What would Braxton even want? To be alive. V wants back in this room. Relax, Inspector, it ain’t even like that. You can only sleep for so long. And since V’s bathroom training is subpar…

He’s a good dog looking for a friend. Braxton’s a dead one looking for his Daddy. Who and where am I? Virgil On B’s Whereabouts

1459 Days Without B III, Day 900 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 211 ~Virgil On Finding Braxton~

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When I got Virgil, I kept Braxton’s bed away. There was no need. It sits in its usual spot, and Virgil stays away. The scent or spirit of death. V knows B is here. It’s been 4 years, and there are still hairs, toys, and me. Virgil On Finding Braxton.

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

Meditation 211 ~Virgil On Finding Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But I’m still sleeping with my best friend. You or the dog? You wouldn’t dare.

You know the man you married. I’m just a sucker for pain… And Humiliations Galore. Oh, baby girl, I can tell you about some humiliating days at the Day Job. Then I think of B.

God, my selfishness. But nothing is as humiliating as remembering the day I lost Braxton. I walked in a Dad and walked out a… “I’m not sure what you are now,” I told myself at that moment. A man who euthanized his best friend. Not former. I’ll never accept that.

Even though he passed, goin’ on four long years. And how long have we been married, my love? That’s a dangerous question. “You Oughta Know,” you say. Get over it…

Always and forever, the answer is no. “He’s My Son.”

Braxton Barks Bradford… “Yeah, he’s my son, and that’s my choice.” He will always and forever be. And knowing how I feel about him, you’re still here. “I’m Still Here.”

Somehow, someway Braxton’s Playlist is still growing, so I don’t have to think. I wasn’t thinking four years ago with Gospel 211 “Say The Word Willie.” I swear the crime I thought I’d committed, and a few days later, Braxton would be in a box. My failure and my disgrace.

And this time last year it was Tale 211 “(Sonday) Someday, B, V.” I swear I keep saying “Someday,” my “Sweet Love,” I won’t be calling out for “My Sweet Lord,” my little B III.

He was my very own little god, always and forever.

And you, our kids, and Virgil still find traces of my Braxton everywhere, Baby Doll.

Do you know Braxton would start his day sitting on my head, too? Eww! He just wanted me to wake up. But you… I can’t believe I’m saying this… Love, I’m not in the mood.

Really! This is coming from me. And I was looking up Netorare, Ahegao, and Paizuri.

Because in English, I just want to say I miss my son and “I Think I Love My Wife.” Love?

I do love you. One more time for good measure, always and forever. I’m such a misanthrope. You and I got together to make people for me to love. I found Virgil. But Braxton is here. Virgil On Finding Braxton.

1458 Days Without B III, Day 899 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 209 ~Virgil, There’ll B Changes~

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Today, yesterday, the day before, what changed. The same spot. A. little more broke. I’ve read about parents losing their fur kids. Only the day before, I read about Ryan and his beauties. My Braxton is still gone… Anyway, Virgil, There’ll B Changes.

Sunday, January 26, 2025

Meditation 209 ~Virgil, There’ll B Changes~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And with all the tears, it’s hard looking at yourself. Thank God! Add to that, sleeping, euthanizing…

To think there was a time back in your existence… We’re back to saying existence. Yeppers! “Never, Never Gonna Give Ya Up” or that word right. To exist here without…

Braxton? One more day down, and it’s only 9 AM. And how did you begin today? Didn’t you mention all the crying while you were reading? But before you were reading about your Braxton passing away, there was Gospel 209 Will’s Yearly Eye Exam. Seriously!

Every time we talk, you don’t even want to look at me, but the man you were back then is unrecognizable. He had no clue what was about to happen. “A Change Is Gonna Come.”

As I said yesterday, Horrible, Horrific, and Hateful. Like looking at these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Ryan and His Beauties 2
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And not into the eyes of your firstborn son anymore? And where were you three years ago after Braxton was gone? Tale 209 Virgil, B Seeing You. You sound like a broken record, which, honest to God, ain’t half bad. Because living in your grief of days gone by for a good boy… And yes, B III was a good boy, the best. No father ever had a better son.

Honestly! You’re no King Priam, Ezekiel, T’challa, or even Augustus. This week, you will be nothing more than a boy who lost his best friend. A father who failed his son. A man bested by a beast. It’s the things we love most that destroy us. Quoting Snow beats Trump.

Try reading Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Surviving Pet Death, Gracie Wyatt
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

If anything, you should be reading about your plans for the 31st and 1st. Will anything change about the day? Considering this is the fourth anniversary of Braxton’s passing, I once dreamed that you would burn the funeral garments. Your black hoody, Las Vegas t-shirt, and other odds and ends. You could spend it being nice to Little Virgil Vivi.

But if anything, you just have more work to do. You must move everything back into the Den, eat barbecue, and watch lots of pet loss movies or end-of-the-world stuff. Dystopias or Dark Humor, perhaps…

There is this movie Vivarium that reminds you of Virgil and yourself. But you wouldn’t give Virgil up for anything. Braxton? Rehomed to The Rainbow Bridge. Virgil, There’ll B Changes

“Sometimes you just gotta let go and let God. Just accept it, brother.”
John Q

1456 Days Without B III, Day 897 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 205 ~B Nights, See Virgil~

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The morning is looking better than last night. I’m so busy “talking” that I don’t have to think, and isn’t that normal… But I would rather be talking to B or falling asleep with him watching over me. Positive days. Better. “B Nights, See Virgil”

Wednesday, January 22, 2025

Meditation 205 ~B Nights, See Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo (my inner voice and guide)
For I have sinned… Can’t I do anything right? Even the simple act of sleeping eludes me. Last night was particularly rough. Virgil slept soundly, a stark contrast to my restless night.

If Virgil spends three hours… or more howling for me to come back. I swear… the neighbors must hate me if he’s making all that noise. I came back from a three-hour shift, and Virgil was losing his effing mind. Do I want to be thought of or completely ignored?

Anyway, so last night, first, my mind was going bonkers. How could I tell right?

Inspector, I had so many worries bouncing back and forth that I turned to meditation…

It didn’t help… However, I did drift off at some point during the night. But considering I was up at 4 AM, fell back to sleep at 5:40 AM, and slept for another hour… Inspector?

It’s another day slipping away, weighed down by the relentless demands of life. My LIFE? Eff!

On a brighter note, I found solace in the absence of nightmares about my son, Braxton. For that, I am truly grateful. Say what?

Inspector, that’s a positive? How dare I show gratitude for that. If anything, I didn’t have to call upon the greatest tragedy in “MY LIFE” to hold back everything else. Again, when existing becomes too much to endure… And trust me, I have looked at my special drawer with longing curiosity. I usually call upon Braxton’s loss. “I’m still breathing. I’m Alive!” If I survived the loss of my child, yes, “MY CHILD!” That nothing on this Earth can hurt me. Not even a Trump Presidency… God! I’m avoiding the news like a GD plague.

Eff Donald Trump, FDT! Fortunately, he wasn’t in my nightmares. It was my worries and… GULP! Women! But before we get into that. What had me all pretzel-shaped last night:

  1. Returning my ISP’s stuff
  2. Paying the Termite Inspector
  3. Paying off Waste Management
  4. Low Tire Pressure Warning
  5. My Day Job Performance
  6. Keeping The Heat On
  1. Arranging an Eye Appointment
  2. Paying off the “HOA”
  3. Whatever Donald Trump Does
  4. Braxton Barks Bradford Memorial

I’m sure there’s more Inspector Echo, but now you see why I don’t have time for those Six Impossible Things I write down every week. Between this Inspector and women…

Whatever! Another excuse for drooling over “Ryan and His Beauties 2.” I’m falling behind “Satan’s Sorority Girls” 8 and 9. Yet, somehow, I sleep; Virgil too. B Nights, See Virgil

1452 Days Without B III, Day 893 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 204 ~That’ll B Love Virgil~

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I play this game, “Call me a LEGEND.” It ain’t TikTok. I don’t love or particularly like it now, but I made a fuss when I lost it for a time. That game, TikTok, Facebook, X, Instagram, etc. I love my dog, never Big Brother. FDT! That’ll B Love Virgil

Tuesday, January 21, 2025

Meditation 204 ~That’ll B Love Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And you love me. Braxton does too. What about Virgil? A four-year-old. 892 days here.

Speaking of which, there are four more years of Trump. And this is day two. Well, by the time you read this, it will be. But why do you wait? You wish. And wanting me…

Baby Girl, I’d call you an idiot. And how I know I’ve called you worse. And why is that, my love? Because as the classic goes, “I wanna be living for the love of you.” And in that love, I say the dirtiest, most depraved, and demeaning things. Wicked Will’s tongue and all Baby Doll. And though it turns me on. On Sunday, January 19, 2025, I’m in no mood.

Why? Because people are STUPID, idiotic, effing morons. Today, it’s in the name of love. Like Winston Smith now believed:

“But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother” 1984

Love makes idiots of us all. But I choose to love a dog, my fur child, my firstborn son, B.

But these people are all around us. “It was love at first sight.” All at the push of a button.

My love, this is my bread and butter, and I’m both talking and not about TikTok. Like Thanos on Squid Game, “I’m so effing angry man!” We can’t help when we fall in love, with who or what. Love is love. And short of being Woody Allen, remember his words:

“The heart wants what it wants.” ― from Woody Allen

But in less than twenty-four hours, I watched the USA go from “Equinsu Ocha, Equinsu Ocha” to making Donald Trump a god! Ignorance is strength. But it can become love. Love shouldn’t be like this!

But who are we to talk? I love a good boy; Braxton’s been gone four long years. Ghost and grossness as I keep his ashes, bed, hoody, and the man I will become January 31st. My love, let me count the ways I can say that I love Yabbos. Yours, the women in my businesses, some chick yet to be discovered. I can promise you it won’t be from TikTok.

I love money, land, and power because we have a family. And a man provides for his family. And I give you and our two-legged kids all of my love. Uh, B III and 2-V.

Inevitably, we can say I love monsters too, but mine are myths and mysteries. Mistaking love. That’ll B Love Virgil

1451 Days Without B III, Day 892 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 202 ~Braxton The Professional, V…~

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Being professional? If I respected the new boss? Servant of the people? Is that me waking up in the morning? Or the 20th when I won’t watch Inauguration. Only the way people will act when TikTok returns, but liberty dies? Braxton The Professional, V…

Sunday, January 19, 2025

Meditation 202 ~Braxton The Professional, V…~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I’ll be the last free human face you’ll see today. Lucky you… How’s that for positivity?

Because what will tomorrow bring? Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Well, duh, my man. How about more STUPID people? Last time you checked, TikTok was down, and people have been crying, complaining, and crapping about it. But what happens if it does come back? And speaking of coming will you keep it in your pants this week and next.

Braxton deserves to be honored. And Mia Rose in Pigtails RoundAsses Vol. 2 isn’t helping. Or specific costumes, cosplay, gymnast, nurses, witches… You’re positively doomed. Only it wasn’t that head that was bothering you this morning. You swear that you had the entire cast of Footloose dancing on your head this morning. And the song…

Braxton’s way of messaging you. Because these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING We by Yevgeny Zamyatin (Dystopia)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And here you are with One Night of Freedom. You won’t kid yourself that you’ll do any of these things today. And when you know what’s coming. You’re a black man. But Tyrion Lannister had it right about facing the end. Tomorrow, someday, whenever, how:

“In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my c**k.” ― Tyrion Lannister

So how will you spend the night? You’ll lay in bed checking off the apps on your phone to keep getting points, presents, and peeps that mean absolutely nothing. Tomorrow, which should mean so much, will be nothing. You performed your duty voting. Sigh

Inauguration Day? You’re not going to watch. But it will be like trying to avoid Pretty, pretty, pretty girls. You’ll have to cut off everything, which would be a good idea.

However, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Ryan and His Beauties 2
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

If you could have the perfect day, though… This question annoys you, but being optimistic.

Tomorrow, you would wake up, and Braxton would be alive. He’d jump on the bed and climb on your head if your wife wasn’t already on your face… Your wife and you would listen to apocalyptic pop even though Kamala Harris is being sworn in as President. Kids and V.

Or you could be like Jacob, Grayson, or Ryan with a beautiful harem. Cathouse owner… Again, Kamala Harris would be President. And instead of being afraid of every single person, you could look at me in the mirror and say… It’s a good life. And in this moment, you are happy. With Braxton… that makes perfection. Braxton The Professional, V…

1449 Days Without B III, Day 890 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 198 ~B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…~

WillLeave a comment

All from a thirty-minute trip. I can remember days when I feared no evil. I remember days when fear, anger, and evil were everything. My son and I fighting my father. B’s loss. A fast food trip. And yet I smile. B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

Meditation 198 ~B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But on Tuesday, January 14, 2025, this afternoon, I rather talk about emotions. Being afraid, angry, and indifferent.

And my GRATITUDE for it… What do you expect, Echo? You want my positivity now.

All it takes is a thirty-minute trip to the gas station, McDonald’s, and “home” again.

Inspector, that’s why I’m afraid. Really! What is it that I tell Braxton? From Spontaneous:

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

There I was driving, and the fear, sadness, and anxiety overflowed like my orange soda. And it is not ok to “live” like this. I swear sitting here one more day in bed. Being scared. And when I leave this room… It’s no good for V, either. But we sit together, exhausted by our fears, or is it the fast food. And what would Virgil know about any females, Inspector?

And like a great king said… And yet, I smile.

Even through the anger… That’s what comes next, Inspector. At both man and machine. Monsters, both real and imaginary. Both mostly at myself. My dear E, I’m “Just A Man.”

Please, if only. And for the record, I’m not worthy of this song or “Like A Prayer. All the awesome things Braxton sends my way. And who am I? Not the brave man beside him. I’m frozen in fear and must summon up the blood, rage, and darkness that becomes the blaze to get myself moving. The fire under my feet, a step closer on the Highway To Hell. Run Boy Run. B and my “unofficial” theme song. To or from battle? I don’t know.

Inspector, does it even matter anymore? And yet, I smile.

Because I feel something. And that, above all, beats Indifference. It wasn’t fear or anger…

Ok, so maybe there was some anger. But I’ve admitted I wanted to protect Braxton, Inspector. My anger was never about him. So I tried to feel nothing, which cost me my son, B III.

But when I’m sitting in the middle of the road, Inspector Echo, having a breakdown…

And why? I can’t tell you. But I had to let it go and become the Dad I was before I knew my son was dying. The damned man I am and was come four years ago. A dead man.

And yet, I smile, Inspector. I have GRATITUDE. I can try and save Virgil. Tell him, B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…

1445 Days Without B III, Day 886 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 197 ~Braxton Souled Out Virgil~

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Before Braxton took his big trip to The Rainbow Bridge, he had a look saying, Heaven isn’t so great. So I asked for him. Reincarnated? He’s not Virgil. As a Dad, I was spoiled for 15 years. But who am I? Where’s B’s stepmom? Braxton Souled Out Virgil

Tuesday, January 14, 2025

Meditation 197 ~Braxton Souled Out Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And “If This World Were Mine.” Come now, love. What day doesn’t begin with music?

If anything, it begins with “Easy Street.” Then bring in some Cheryl Lynn and Luther Vandross. From there, it’s A Cruel Angel’s Thesis, the opening theme for the Evangelion series. Though, what I wouldn’t give to go back to those 3 AM mornings of Inuyasha.

Fukai Mori? My love, my life, you know that I love you. But tell me I could go back. Let me, let me wake up to that piece of music. And peace of mind. Not in this 40-year-old form of mine. The spoiled boy that I don’t ever want to see again. Yet, I’m still him in some way. Hell, that’s my life’s goal. To wake up without pain or in the pursuit of pleasure.

Your pus**? Or wanting power.

But in peace. What is peace? Here’s a better question? Darling, what peace I’ve lost…

Selling out? To provide for my FAMILY… Could I have my best FRIEND back? Because I like to watch people… Uh, Eff? It doesn’t bother me. Not even slightly, my Darling. I have been blessed. And if it cost me my soul? If I am to become a FIEND, whatever…

I was reading last night and had a revelation, an epiphany, and some ideas. I’m not doing Yevgeny Zamyatin’s “We” justice. Sorry… Anyway, he was talking about having a soul…

Forming… And this is as negative as I will be today. But when I sent Braxton to The Rainbow Bridge, it was because of kidney failure. But my boy’s heart…

Mine remains these 4 years later inscrutably broken. But to love as Braxton did love.

Having such a heart as he gave me. And then there’s having my soul returned. Darling, I have no thoughts of getting into Heaven. But I have thought it, seen and heard it in you.

A man sells off pieces of himself. And what does he get in return for such a sacrifice, my love? THEY say a man provides for his family. “That is the way of things,” always.

Jem’Hadar? Really! Love you married a man who continually pimps himself as a pop culture so-and-so. Who delights in adult pleasures? And plays music at all hours. Tell me why? The world, my love. And everything in it. Love and peace! Braxton Souled Out Virgil.

1444 Days Without B III, Day 885 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

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He that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. Is the Bible Pop Culture? Anyway, I learned a lot last week… I know something else is broken, and I have no clue how to fix it. Or cash. And that includes my existence. That’s Another B Virgil

Sunday, January 12, 2025

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Are you a Dad yet? Are you hard enough? Are you rough enough? Are you rich enough?

First off… Eww! Second, the week has just begun… Darling, the nightmare has just begun. Once again, this isn’t negativity. You are pointing out facts. And the truth hurts. Doesn’t it? That is when you can hear it. The body. The brain. Braxton’s Playlist… Madness

Braxton is ashes in a box. And you’re a boy in a bed. Would you kindly get up and do…?

Well, something other than fantasizing about Ashley Graham from RE4 or Cherry. There are so many choices. And not so many days. How many months has it been since E-Day?

And now… You know what is coming up at the end of the month. How B III met his end.

You’re so dark this morning. Dystopia and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 008, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

At least you’re telling the truth about number four. The last time you broke, it took MILF Dos’s voice and Cherry’s body. What do you want? Perfection, Consistency, uh… Discipline. Hell, the answer is your name, Will. All you need is the Will. Nothing more.

The Will to win. Where there’s a Will, there’s a way. The gift of Free Will and all that jazz.

But yeah, you could use Braxton and the willingness to quit with pop culture references.

Only Will you settle for another B-day? What’s one more day spent bedridden, Hmm? What’s another day singing, “Had a Bad Day again.” What’d I say about Pop Culture? Yet most of this morning was spent on b**bs, Yabbos. And not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING We by Yevgeny Zamyatin (Dystopia)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because? If this was school, what would you be getting? A, B, C, D… F? What happened to E? What indeed? Shall I tell you? It’s the least I can do. “EASY like Sunday morning.”

That’s what happened. And it’s a lie. There’s fake it till you make it, and then there’s ignorance, insanity, and downright indifference. The idea that it’s okay to be well… A forty-year-old boy. How about to be Braxton? You have your box to exist in. What about to be a beta? There’s another word for that… NTR (Netorare), but that’s a story for the bedroom.

And you need to leave this one. Don’t make today another failure. Don’t pray for a D… Eww! Get up, Will! That’s Another B Virgil

1442 Days Without B III, Day 883 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 191 ~Virgil On Being Forgetful~

WillLeave a comment

“I don’t know. I guess we try to forget.” “I don’t wanna forget,” I remember humiliations at the Day Job, but I go. I remember having B, who loved me. I still wake up without him. I remember nice Yabbos, but there’s more. “Virgil On Being Forgetful.”

Wednesday, January 8, 2025

Meditation 191 ~Virgil On Being Forgetful~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… No, not that. An unforgivable sin? At the Day Job, I had a revelation on that one sin…

ACCEPTANCE. To accept the loss of my child, my firstborn son, Braxton Barks Bradford, B III. No! Never! That’s what led me to this week’s sin. Inspector Echo, The Question:

Why am I so down?

Effing Duh! This is the month I lost Braxton. And if the picture is correct, four years ago today was Braxton’s last vet visit before the two that would end his life. Comedy comes in threes. And talk about foreshadowing with the picture quality. Seriously…

What was I thinking? More to the point, what am I forgetting? I’m just a sucker for pain.

Once again, Inspector Echo, I’m not being negative; I’m simply stating the facts. History, Dear Inspector. It was my favorite subject in school. Next came reading.

So You Oughta Know. I swear my playlist continues to grow, and I haven’t listened to anything on Spotify this year. Yet. Anyway, history shouldn’t always be Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows. As MAGA wants it. It hurts sometimes. Learning through pain.

Inspector, I would be the smartest man alive… The Baddest Man Alive… Not that, either. But FEAR, PAIN, and RAGE. I remember those three more than anything next to B.

Only why do I continue to live the way I do if I know these three are waiting for me. Without my son’s protection… What did I do before I had Braxton in “my” universe?

“Sometimes I tell the boy old stories of courage and justice, difficult as they are to remember.” ― The Road

Step Into A World of music and books. I was a gamer, too, back in my schoolyard days as well.

But these days, it’s all dystopias and Squid Game 2. There are people of courage and conviction. And they care. I need to care to be positive. Try remembering Virgil’s name. And speaking of 2-V, he hasn’t forgotten what happened in his life before he arrived. One more reason V and I fit together… Because of past trauma. But what’s his? I wonder. And care…

Virgil’s forgetful, and if I could Be Like That… Oblivious, Indifferent, Lost… Those aren’t good things, I know. So it’s better to forget them but in exchange for what, Inspector?

That is the correct question.

Because positive is only a word. And I won’t let it become like Happy, Home, or Living. I won’t accept that. Virgil On Being Forgetful

“I don’t know. I guess we try to forget.”
“I don’t wanna forget,” Katniss, Peeta

1438 Days Without B III, Day 879 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will