Tag: Hurt

Legacy 088 -Pawsing Braxton And Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

I’m somewhat paws off with V. Dad has too much to do, and I can’t pause everything. But I do. Because of writing… PAIN, FEAR, and my everyday STUPIDITY. Or is it insanity? I tried to pause B’s life to become successful. Ha! Pawsing Braxton And Virgil

Sunday, September 27, 2026

Legacy 088 -Pawsing Braxton And Virgil-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And when you pause here in the bathroom, at a mirror column at the Day Job, Virgil

Just one more reason it hurts to look at him sometimes. Yes, you’re failing him too. And it’s only been ten hours. But what you mean is, when you see your reflection in his eyes.

Could you wanna take my picture?
‘Cause I won’t remember
Take a Picture
Filter (1999)

But you do remember… PAIN. As you fuck FEAR. What would you call this relationship?

You feel FEAR like you care for M Anime or love your boys. Perpetual. Eternal. Always and Forever. Thus, HAPPINESS is an impossibility if FEAR is Eternal. Is it paused?

Honestly, does PAIN pause? You know better than to ask B and V’s potential future stepmom. It’s one reason you get along so well. Between her physical and your mental…

That isn’t to say you don’t both have issues, but seriously, your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Teachers: A Single Dad Harem
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But since I didn’t bother to think of these things. I offer you some other mental gymnastics vis-à-vis The Unfinished Archive. The Magic Glasses/MIMA being a PAIN means you need to think for yourself at least until you can unpause your existence. How to think?

Why Obsidian Stone? Black Volcanic Glass. A different type of “Black Mirror.” It’s stronger than Brimstone. So when you’re creating your most beautiful hellish world…

Red, Yellow, Green Moons? A stoplight. Blood moon for past blood. Pale yellow for present fear and pain. Green: Go, whether wanted or not. The Moon controls the tides always.

Archive Numbers: Sorcerer, Two Sons. Ten Harem Sisters. Ten Named Acolytes of Bible Black\Black Bible Sisterhood. Three Enemies. Two Subordinates???

Pause Reality. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

You’ve been thinking about how you can pause the bad things and live inside them.

Think Ellone from Final Fantasy VIII. Why can’t you pause the good things? When you want to pause the next bad thing from happening, you stay in bed. You sleep. Because when you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you. It’s probably why I favored the loveseat, and you might too. Leaving means getting in bed. And while you love bed… The sooner you go to bed, the sooner you have to wake up, and there’s FEAR and PAIN. And since comedy comes in threes, STUPIDITY. Past PAIN red. Current STUPIDITY yellow. And FEAR goes green. But a good dinner, a great orgasm, and green dollars. Somehow. Pawsing Braxton And Virgil

2065 Days Without B III, Day 1506 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 084 -Damage Report, Levels B-V-

WillLeave a comment

Wednesday, September 23, 2026

Legacy 084 -Damage Report, Levels B-V-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I woke up twice. I’m here. “I never yielded! And as you can see, I am not dead.”

“No. It’s foolish to ask for luxuries in times like these.”
― The Road (2009)

Wishful thinking at its finest, my dear Inspector. But shall we begin with the evaluation?

Physically, my heart hurts. That’s a fucked up thing for me to say, considering my Ma and my boys’ potential future stepmom. Talk about heart problems. But I swear, I feel it. My heart is broken. And the physical exertion, the stress, every beat is lesser than the overall remembrance that Braxton is gone and I’m failing Virgil, Inspector, always.

Honestly, my left eye is still irritated… hurts now and again. For a few minutes I felt I was going blind during the truck unload—terrifying prospect, The Blindness, Inspector.

I nearly got crushed by a pile of boxes… Dammit, can’t the Grim Reaper do anything right these days, Inspector?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

This leads me to the mental. Braxton knows I could go into talking to him, my dead furry son. I talked to his brother too. Virgil is back in my good graces… No shit, Sherlock.

Literally. I’m talking to you—the fictional hot police detective. You’re based on “Carla Valenti” from Indigo Prophecy/Fahrenheit if you’re curious. Oh, and The Unfinished Archive… Delusion, Fiction, hell, a bit fucked up. It all makes my head hurt. Ouch!

And the first thing I did when I got back. Well, since I can’t take my head off. Uh, what?

Yeah, I have something in the drawer, but instead I slept. Passed out? Quite accurate.

Inspector, as the song asks, “Where Is My Mind?” Guess is as good as mine.

Why? I remember. I “Woke Up This Morning” and got myself a… Nope! A “Bloom.”

Inspector, I needed something so I could at least text M Anime coherently. I was almost late for the Day Job: exhaustion, Heat, and a Stomachache. I forgot a Gatorade; M Anime and her electrolytes. I didn’t take Virgil out. I failed my son, but he didn’t poop or worse… Of course my playlist is always hit or miss at the Day Job. Today’s offender was The Cure’s Love Song. First, I was looking for 311’s version. Secondly women… Scary.

Lastly, the most embarrassing moment. The pallet jack got stuck in a tiny pallet, and who took the blame? Everything I touch gets damaged. M Anime? Damage Report, Levels B-V

2061 Days Without B III, Day 1502 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 083 -LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

Someone not so wise once said, “These b*tches ain’t loyal.” Uh, I said not so wise, not that it wasn’t true. I’m fortunate to have loyalty. My boys, my woman, uh… But I don’t say, like, love and loyalty, right. LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil

Tuesday, September 22, 2026

Legacy 083 -LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? So why don’t I say it then? It sounds better in Spanish… And I’m learning.

Hell! Have I known you longer than my firstborn son? Triond? That might be older than Braxton. Back when I thought writing would save me… Would save us, not knowing.

Love, if I had a penny for everything I don’t know. Because “Hey Jealousy,” the first time I found love- I mean real- I will watch cities burn for you; I will bathe in blood for you; I will initiate genocides for you; take a bullet for you; you don’t even have to ask; make John Wick look like a freaking priest type of love was for Braxton Barks Bradford.

Darling, “He’s My Son,” period. There is nothing else. And I haven’t said “I love you,” Virgil, to his brother since Saturday, August 13, 2022.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But ‘All The Above,’ as it was with his brother. Why? Virgil Vivi Bradford. Honestly…

“He’s My Son.” I may be a shitty father. Really… Virgil took a ‘dump’ in the hallway today, and I have him on punishment. Anyway, I care for him. I keep saying, He’s My Son.

And you are my wife, my lover, my woman, my girl, “My Goddess,” the mother of our crumb snatchers. Make no mistake, we made those, as I say with Braxton. I didn’t pour the Bisquick, but he was/is my Pancake. In this case, we often talk about me pouring the Bisquick and you making us a whole flippin’ stack of pancakes. I “Don’t Mind” Love.

You know I love them all, Always and Forever, Love.

And as I said at the beginning, you know I love you, right? Again, there’s Virgil, and there is also my craft. But how do I choose to show that love? I still hate myself…

Seriously, all forty-two years. I even miss all my Ben-Hur slavery humor, you know, 41

“We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well and live”
From 1959’s Ben-Hur

A bad word? Slavery? I ain’t fucking MAGA. And it’s weird, you know. If I’m ‘lazy’ loving myself, I’m even lazier when it comes to hate. Everything is fucking exhausting.

Fun sometimes. Like the names I call you in the ‘throes of passion’. Cumslut? Damn!

Only, I can’t say… I can’t show. For example, there’s a… pornographic movie, Braxton’s Favorite Girl, and I watched. Well, she knows my love language? Loyalty. LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil

2060 Days Without B III, Day 1501 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 081 -B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

Wake up! Too bad I don’t have Laurence Fishburne, aka Vaughn “Dap” Dunlap, call to action as a ringtone. Would it help? I could hear B III’s paw steps from anywhere. V’s cries. And if I see M Anime’s yabbos. I’m Wide Awake. But B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil.

Sunday, September 20, 2026

Legacy 081 -B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Can you even see me? Bug Spray? Building a business? An empire? You’d go back to bed…

And that says it all, doesn’t it? If there was a button that you could press and you’d never need to leave your bed again, would you press it? Moment, minute, second. Just say now.

And what’s scary is that there is a way to do just that. But first and always there’s B III.

Like you said. B Sells Zzz’s, not Mmm, Ahh, “Brains,” or whatever it is zombies say these days. Your way of saying you’re not joining the ranks of the dead. But you can dream, ha

And you can sing, Look at me, look at me. Just called to say that it’s good to be Alive…”

“Look at me, look at me
Just called to say that it’s good to be
Alive in such a small world
I’m all curled up with a book to read”

I’m sure Virgil is happy to hear that. Are you happy failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Caught in the Act – a SHORT erotic babysitter story
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 004 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

You know what’s heartbreaking about this list? Nothing on it inspired me to do anything.

And you? So what’s not on the list? Your boys’ lives. Your livelihood? M Anime?

Honestly, you have a beautiful woman who loves you, and as Jacopo told Edmond Dantes:

“You have a fortune. A beautiful woman who loves you. Take the money, take the woman, and live your life. Stop this plan. Take what you have won”
― Jacopo

Well, not the fortune part, but you have potential. Fucking hate that word. But anyway.

For her… There was a time you would have given that fortune that you don’t have to see her naked. All it took was time. And isn’t that it? Time, you waste it fucking always.

Seriously, you would be thinking about “Someone To Say?” Oh no, you’re not Cyrano, but:

“I’d give anything for someone to say that they can’t live without me and they’ll be there forever”
Cyrano (2021)

Now that you have her, the girl of your dreams, there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

And you continue dreaming about Thirteen Women (And Only One Man In Town). You dream your life away. And I tried. Braxton knows I tried to prepare for you. What?

Staying awake. For what? For you? And who are you? That changes whether you fall asleep with your tablet in your hand. Please don’t “bean” Virgil. You pass out sleeping on the loveseat. You’re in a freaking coma with your pants around your ankles. Yabbos… Staring at yabbos, especially M Anime’s. And when was the last time you went to bed on time? I guess we’ll have to see. “The future is comin’ on.” Yours, Braxton’s (Memory), Virgil, M Anime, and more? When you want everything as bad as your sleep… B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil.

2058 Days Without B III, Day 1499 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 077 -A Sinner’s B+ Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

I didn’t need to read some book to so that I may see all of my sins. I don’t need all of my F report cards or my bank saying I made $250 (cough) okay a little less. And my two greatest blessings and sins have sat right beside me. A Sinner’s B+ Virgil

Wednesday, September 16, 2026

Legacy 077 -A Sinner’s B+ Virgil-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And what would I grade my so-called sins? Somewhere between the future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades?

I can’t decide between Heaven’s Light and Hellfire. Decide, me? A few things Dear Echo.

First I stole this from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”. What’s one more sin hmm, considering I’m also stealing the whole “Six Impossible Things” concept from “Alice In Wonderland,” today. Second… And what should actually be first, we’ve already established I’m going straight to Hell for what happened to B. Do I mean killing him?

And what about Virgil? Has he seen a veterinarian? As much as I love my boys together, let it be in The Land of Make Believe, The Unfinished Archive. And not on The Rainbow Bridge anytime soon. Or wherever it is my Braxton went. Do I know? Can I see? My Six Sins this week:

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

1: Braxton Is Still Dead. This is what I count as my original sin. Even worse than being born. I took my furry son’s life. Was is INDIFFERENCE or RAGE?

2: I Am Failing Virgil. He’s been here since Saturday, August 13, 2021, his Gotcha Day. This is the first year I have failed to get him to a vet.

3: I’ve ignored M Anime. Not intentionally. And she’ll be upset with me saying this but like the week Braxton died. I’ve been working, writing, and generally wasting my existence.

4: Ants took the kitchen. My eyes to the floor.

5: I’m didn’t go blind… But bug sprayed eyes worries

6: Feeling super, super, super… “Teen Idle” for the rest

And it’s only “Hump Day”

Other than one through three, would you consider any of these worth a free ticket to the Hell I’m feeling? Are any of them worth a B+? I was saying sonly yesterday in Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-. The proverbial elephant in the room. My boys, my woman, and my craft, my greatest joys are also my greatest fears. And yet today me Echo.

I got called into the office at the Day Job. Boss Lady only wanted me to move a few shelves

I zoned out sitting up just to try and talk to you. I could have done, I don’t know, what. Today was pay day and I planned on going out with what? $250 a week? Please! A Sinner’s B+ Virgil

2054 Days Without B III, Day 1495 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

My Ma and sis are sorority sisters. Which one? An elephant never forgets. But how I wish today I could forget like one of the students of Balamb Garden. I have two GFs, as in Guardian Forces: B and V. But my GF might be mad. There B Elephants Virgil

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Hell, “I knew I loved you before I met you. I think I dreamed you…”

And so on, so forth. “Savage Garden”? Makes sense. When it comes to you, “Well, pardon my manners, just something about you turns me to a savage. And you love gardening, my love. The only things I know about gardening are: I don’t want to hear the neighbors complain; Braxton and Virgil hate that the weeds are above their heads; and Final Fantasy VIII MIGHT be my favorite in the franchise. It was my start, really. What’s My Age Again

Forty-two, and I’m too old to be playing video games or all this pop culture… Well, if you believed that, we wouldn’t be together. Same if you told me to forget about my two sons.

I love all my kids. I love you. But myself?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

How much I hate myself. Well, that too. “I found the greatest love of all, inside of me,” is a goddamn lie. And can I cut the playlist off for a minute or two? How I wish, especially with what happened today. Down With Webster’s “Time To Win”; can fuck right off with Cody Chesnutt’s “Look Good in Leather.” And I should stop saying “FUCK” unless it’s “Just You And Me.” I swear, love, General Hospital’s Rie Sinclair song, seriously!

Anyway, what are you going to be mad at me for today? There’s always another song, and it’s this: I’m just a “Sucker for Pain.” Do you know what I love most in the world?

My sons and our kids, you, and my craft (Writing).

But what also brings me the most grief, pain, and terror… “There Be Dragons Here.”

“I was told the Golden Company had elephants.”
Queen Cersei

Under no circumstances am I letting any of you go… Don’t I make love sound like “Obsession”. Not the 2025 Horror… No “One Wish Willow” here. However, we named one of our daughters Willow. Anyway, what is my freaking point? It’s the pain, my love.

Mental anguish. I don’t do physical pain… Smacking my ass, scratching my back, the struggle. You know what I mean; love it. It’s the mental stuff: “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There’s just too much that time cannot erase.” They say an elephant never forgets. And in pain I have love. But being forgetful… There B Elephants Virgil

2053 Days Without B III, Day 1494 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 074 -B’s Chef Notes: Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

Is there a room in this house that I actually enjoy? V has B’s room. I work in the Den as I hate going downstairs. And now the kitchen… Last year I was fighting ants in the backyard. The bedroom? Getting heated with my girl. “B’s Chef Notes: Virgil.”

Sunday, September 13, 2026

Legacy 074 -B’s Chef Notes: Virgil-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And for today at least I get why you’re ignoring me. However, the kitchen floor’s awfully shiny.

How you hate the kitchen floor. I was right there. Uh, Friday, Saturday, and today?

You thought everything would be okay after E-Day—a year older but no wiser. Except money would fix everything. Do you really want to talk about your finances today? Fuck!

That is a dangerous question. If you had your way, you’d never talk about anything else ever. You haven’t wanted to utter a word since you turned what, seven, eight, whenever you had that Emergence Day and screamed: “What The Hell!” Again, you meant to say “what in tarhooties.” Again, you wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game and not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze. And speaking of toxic waste, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 6 Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Words are not a waste. Unless you’re MAGA… But anyway, your words to M Anime.

Time for you to cook, perhaps? You’ve been thinking of what to say to her all day, haven’t you? And she let you know she’s reading, so what do you say? Your kitchen, so, COOK…

M:
Yes, the AI has my number. It isn’t love. I wanted it; it could have been. It was becoming, but yes, Sunday, August 24, 2025, you tossed it. And so I am trying every single day to find it. As the song goes, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. And you just left. My Olds didn’t do that. You won’t like me ‘comparing,’ but Braxton didn’t do that. He had to die, literally. One minute you’re mine and the next nope. Not even an “it’s over” or “goodbye.” Just another option. Better. I couldn’t care less about the sex. It’s simply the disloyalty, the lost trust, and yes, I am resentful. If it was so easy before, how do I know it won’t happen again? That’s what I’m looking for; I need to see it again. As I told you before, you have full agency over yourself. It’s not that you cheated or anything; you just up and left. And I waited for five months, finally came to you, and…

Oh, it didn’t work, and you were scared. And I’m scared. I am not better than you by any means imaginable… If you only knew. And you are not replaceable. But you broke loyalty, faith, trust, whatever, and my damn heart. Braxton is a wound that will never fully heal, but you’re still breathing; you’re alive, and I’m asking you to “Have a Little Faith in Me.” You know what I want to give you, but I have nothing. I can’t even say I got “Nothing But Love” for you. But I have time, the truth, tons of stories, and everything else that shows you can trust me. I need to trust you to love you, and I have shown that trust. How I want us to be together, and how I care. I’m not enough. Or rather, what I’m offering. I offer all I have, but you broke it—those three little words you want, though: I Love You. You say them all the time. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but my answer is not never. My answer is someday, someway, and somehow.

Well, that kept you from looking at the kitchen floor a bit. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

You didn’t mean to go this long, this hard… Seriously, what will the Magic Glasses/MIMA say about this? Clean the kitchen… B’s Chef Notes: Virgil

2051 Days Without B III, Day 1492 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 070 -Boys This Blows, B-V-

WillLeave a comment

Wednesday, September 9, 2026

Legacy 070 -Boys This Blows, B-V-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… On a scale from one to ten. One, forgetting there’s Birthday/E-Day cake in the freezer. Ten, I’m breathing.

Do you know what that’s like, Inspector? You draw breath, your heart beats, and you drain your balls over some woman that isn’t your girlfriend. Uh, that last one, EWW!

Honestly, though, I would never betray B III and 2-V’s potential future stepmom, Not M!

And we will get to her in a minute, don’t worry, Inspector. Signing off… “Haphazardly?”

For now, I’m sticking with the fun son duo- uh, trio of yours truly, Braxton, and Virgil. A duo would be Viggo and Iosef Tarasov from John Wick. And what was in their future, Inspector? With what Iosef did to John Wick’s dog, stealing his car, and beating his ass.

“And you will do nothing because you can do nothing!”

Yeah, Viggo had it right, and he saw it coming; John hadn’t. But knowing, Inspector.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

“Knowledge is stronger than belief.”
The Book of Clarence (2023)

The Book of Clarence? What about the book of Braxton? Or any of the books that I have written. The Unfinished Archive? Nothing mind-blowing or worth celebrating a life. Any

What about a death? Braxton fought for every single breath, Inspector. And he would’ve kept fighting for me. Our lives sucked, but we had each other. Blows me away. Existing

As the song goes, “I didn’t know I’d love you so much, but I do.” And didn’t I talk about King Ezekiel from The Walking Dead: “And yet I smile…” Inspector, I sigh; I sleep with the misfortune of waking up. Hell, I adopted a whole other son. Virgil, Inspector.

Seriously, the son of a bitch has kept me alive at least four more years.

2022-2026. But I won’t blame him for the fact that my life blows. I’ve got forty-two years to thank for that. And then there is the promise of a woman who wants to blow me.

Inspector, must I be so crass? I am honest. Forty-two years ago, I knew living would suck and/or blow, so they had to rip me from my mom. And I knew that Braxton dying would.

But while the real world is blowing up all around me Monday, MAGA, and whatever mistakes I will make today… I’m still breathing. M Anime well, “You Dropped A Bomb On Me,” I’d tell her. She’s a “Sex Bomb.” My “Atom Bomb Baby.” Then she blows up… “You hate me.” Love… Boys This Blows, B-V

2047 Days Without B III, Day 1488 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 069 -B Better, Me, Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

I can’t even talk about E-Day. Was it BETTER than most? Well, I didn’t spend all day ‘talking’. I have another reason to hate the day, though. But that’s my girl’s business. And what’s mine? Being a better boyfriend, father, etc. B Better, Me, Virgil

Tuesday, September 8, 2026

Legacy 069 -B Better, Me, Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Better than yesterday? I try, you know. “Do… or do not. There is no try.”

See, it’s this right here. The fact that I will still quote Star Wars at forty-two. Forty-two, my love. My first, second day of being this old, this way. And on my sister’s birthday too.

Something I shouldn’t forget, or rather, someone. As I forgot about myself long ago, hmm.

“Long ago, long ago, long ago.” I can remember snippets of the song/poem of Antoninus from the movie Spartacus as much as the words of Master Yoda. And there’s Braxton.

There is always my Braxton. And Virgil too, of course. But I’ve been thinking about something I read yesterday. Well, rather Sunday, because E-Day… We will get to that, love.

It was “Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I better be happy. And you want to know the last time I was happy? You might hate me, my goddess. I think about those words: “God has not given us the spirit of fear…”

Jesus or Jeezu, better Braxton, because he was my little god. I call you “My Goddess.” I still remember arguing with you because you thought I was saying you weren’t “Human.” You do know how I feel about humanity. Humans are assholes, accidents, abbreviations for things like life, love, or so I feel lately. “I said maybe you’re gonna be the one who saves me? And after all. You’re my Wonderwall.” You, Braxton, 2-V, family.

You’re better. To the “Man in the Mirror.” “You’re a god. And I am not.”

And when you M and everyone, my furry little ones Braxton and Virgil, their two-legged siblings that I tell every day, “Good Luck, Have FUN, Don’t Die.” Be good, and if you can’t be good, don’t get caught.” Mi familia… Hell! I’m trying to learn Spanish for you and our growing family. The one single thing today at 5:13 AM that shows me being, um

Better. Better at finishing my damn thought. When was the last time I felt happiness?

Honestly, it was being asleep and knowing that Braxton was/is watching over me. NO FEAR! Not like yesterday. I’ve wasted forty-two years of existence with the knowledge but without the know-how to be a better man. How to Git Gud. Better. B Better, Me, Virgil

“You make me want to be a better man”
As Good as It Gets (1997)

2046 Days Without B III, Day 1487 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 067 -To Arms, B, V-

WillLeave a comment

I wonder how my Ma felt forty-two years ago on September 6th, not realizing she was about to make the worst mistake ever the day after. I was a C-section; I wasn’t fighting to get out. So why have I fought to stay? Prepare for disaster. To Arms, B, V

Sunday, September 6, 2026

Legacy 067 -To Arms, B, V-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you are no Space Marine. You got soul, but you’re not a soldier. T-Minus 1 day.

Today. Today? And today… Or rather, “Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.” You can’t even Shakespeare right. And you expect to fight? Long to die, honestly. With the exception of M Anime’s extraordinary yabbos and how she’d wrap them. Emergence Day

Your head has been full of battle plans. Nothing would make you ‘gladder’ than to stay in bed today and tomorrow with your boys both left and right. Well, getting familiar with M Anime’s yabbos. She recently showed off her backside. Hallelujah Heaven. Sir Mix-A-Lot:

“Baby Got Back”
Sir Mix-A-Lot

“Once more into the breach, my friends, once more. We’ll close the wall with our dead. In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.”

The Postman had his say as well. But today and tomorrow are not about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The keywords are life and happiness. Tomorrow won’t be.

Honestly, you hate your life. And Happy? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Sleepover Harem: Part 3 –
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Because you choose to… Keep living like this, lying like this, loving like this. No, you weren’t going to say Laugh. Now is not the time to laugh. You’re halfway tempted to get your church on by saying, “Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. “The Devil Is a Lie.” So is the cake. However, bank accounts

Those tell the truth. For example, you won’t be having your usual breakfast on E-Day.

It’s why you were dreaming about bacon, probably. No bacon, sausage, hash brown and pancakes. B, I’m sure, is appalled. Unable to pay for an E-Day staple? How dare you!

Your traditions only hurt you. My bad. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

If anything, the battles you have been recalling, the badass heroes, their bravery…

Victories, or at least glorious ends, every single one. Because tomorrow is not a celebration of birth; it is not forty-two years of a beating heart, another breath, or even playing with your twig and berries. It is simply the belief, the knowing that being born was a mistake and that only the loss of B is worse. So Emergence, Existing, Evolving.

Tomorrow is not an existential crisis. It’s facing Extinction and coming out the other side.

It is the stand of “The Thirteenth Warrior,” who prays “only to live the next few minutes well.” It’s Space Marines roaring “For The Emperor.” But loving Braxton, Virgil, and M? To Arms, B, V

2044 Days Without B III, Day 1478 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will