Tag: Hell

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

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It’s in his kiss. No! But B would love up his aunt. And V… I’ve cleaned up what has come out of his mouth many times. And as for me. I don’t remember what I said to that first girl. I can’t even order chicken at forty. “Kisses Show A Working Tongue.”

Monday, September 9, 2024

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

Three-Hundredth And Sixtieth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me breathing after Emergence Day. Hell! I shouldn’t be after Braxton. Or Emergence Day Numero Cero.

I would rather kiss my furry son’s head one more time than draw my first breath. One necessitated the other, Madam. But at least I would have something to do with my mouth other than bawl about my boy, blame myself for everything, or BE STUPID. Madam, next to being Braxton’s end and my birth, I can’t stand being STUPID. It never ends, I’m afraid.

Even at forty? Well, I’m not quite there yet. I’m speaking to you on Tuesday, September 3, 2024. So, Emergence Day has yet to happen. Like I said, by the time you read this, I might not be breathing. I’d blame my Olds. But this is my existence. My existence…

Madam, I never asked for this life. I’d trade it all for a simple kiss.

Is that an Emergence Day wish? Last Monday night, I made a wish to avoid humiliation. I texted that because speaking… Anything that isn’t about my Braxton’s life… passing.

Anything that’s about something other than broads. Or anything that doesn’t involve me sounding STUPID. It’s not my strong suit. To open my mouth has never been a good thing, Madam.

How hard is it to say, “Yes, I would like the eight-piece fried chicken and a three-piece chicken fingers snack, please?” My mouth has much better uses, Madam. But saying Happy B-Word Day/Emergence Day… is not among them, Madam. Nope!

But again, a kiss… Do you want to know a secret, Madam? My first kiss? I got that. But I didn’t get a kiss during my “first time.” Well, uh…

I’m not The 40-Year-Old-Virgin, thankfully. I swear, sometimes I wonder who knows more about me. My lost boy or the Internet. The movie popped up, so I could watch that for Emergence Day and be thankful for the second-greatest miracle during my existence. A woman…

Madam, I was/am a father, and a girl made the mistake of thinking I was a man of worth for a night. And a few other girls here or there over forty years. But almost none when I had to look after Braxton. When was the last time I had a kiss, a kind hug that got kinda dirty… Back when I was a Smooth Operator. I feel stupid-er at forty. I’ll shut up because Kisses Show A Working Tongue.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1317 Days Without B III, Day 758 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

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When’s the last time I’ve said “It Was a Good Day?” “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow.” A man without gratitude. One who doesn’t count his blessings. A man… not even at forty, which I’ll be very soon. I’d rather find my son again. Will, B, Happy? Virgil

Thursday, September 5, 2024

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

1313 Days Without B III, Day 754 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today, I’m going to tell you about one, Braxton. But before I do this, please understand. Happiness is not my nature. Even when you were here. Also, let’s think about breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Really? Your way of timekeeping. A reminder of our shared moments.

“When I wake up in the morning, love. And the sunlight hurts my eyes,” plays on the radio. I see you staring back at me. You’re not sitting on my head or guarding the door.

We’re not back-to-back. You lick my nose, so of course, you must be hungry. But I have a little bit of money, so I order breakfast. The only people we’ll see today are delivery people and Daddy’s special friends… I let you play outside as I sip a cappuccino. When the vittles arrive, I will fix you a little buffet, and you will think it’s Christmas. But it’s Emergence Day.

“And in this moment, I am happy.” Happy to be…

Alive! With You! Older! But Braxton, “You know I’m a big boy, and big boys have desires,” seriously. Hey! You like your Aunt’s Yabbos. But first, we need food, and you need a mom. And Mexican food is a good idea. And getting it on with the maid… As I said, “special friends.” We did share with you until our movie time… Netflix and Chill?

Would you rather I lock you up or close the door for “adult time.” If I’m forty, you would be nineteen. Still, I don’t need my puppy seeing me and a pretty brunette. Your mom?

Well, no. But you know what it means when you hear Sade’s Smooth Operator playing. My cue for my privacy…

Anyway. Woke her up after fun… she didn’t hesitate to call Big Will the top gun. Did I do any writing today since I’m busy ripping off Ice Cube? “It Was A Good Day,” B.

However, it’s not over yet. Your Aunt wants to come over and spend what’s left of the day with us. You know I go all out for dinner. Steak and lobster. I actually looked up whether dogs can have lobster. Of course, you get another plate for yourself as your Aunt, and I watch movies. Cherry and M Anime send “gifts.” Those I don’t share.

Your Aunt leaves, but there’s a knock. Braxton, I think I just met my wife.

Somehow. Will, B, Happy? Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 065 ~Eff E-Day! Braxton, Virgil…~

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Eff E-Day… I started this Monday, August 26, 2024. Now it’s Tuesday, and… Is this week getting any better? I feel sick. Is that the sensation of getting older? An energy shot? Being skeevy? I’m not sleeping, so I can shout Eff E-Day! Braxton, Virgil…

Wednesday, September 4, 2024

Meditation 065 ~Eff E-Day! Braxton, Virgil…~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I love my boy, my son, my Braxton. I am trying with Virgil. Honest, Inspector. But today, friend…

It’s Monday, August 26, 2024. And I can’t remember; have I cried for Braxton, Inspector? I’ve been saying for these two weeks, besides, STAY ALIVE! I’m going to be selfish.

Inspector? Today, I am AFRAID. Not of forgetting my boy or finding Virgil making messes. Today, I FEAR E-Day. E-Day stands for Emergence, Existence, and Extinction, Echo. Ha-Ha! You think the Locusts from Gears of War were bad. Wait until you get a load of me. I tell myself this when I see my face in the mirror, dear Inspector.

The horror, the horror of this almost forty-year-old man, Echo. I effing hate myself today. Every day, really. But I wish I’d never emerged. I can’t stand existence. And extinction…

If Virgil wasn’t here today…

I’d be effing the bedsheets. But E-Day’s arrival demands I clean. Crispy, not crusty sheets.

Eww! What? Do you find the mention of some “romantic” stories gross? For two weeks…

Backyard Dungeon 13 has its moments. But you know that’s not what I’m talking about.

Inspector, if I haven’t been fighting everything about E-Day, you know what I’ve been watching. And the more I’ve been figuring out, the more I’ve found each day. I’d be driving Dirty Diana crazy. You remember her before my son passed, then… Uh, I couldn’t.

There’s Braxton’s spirit, specter… I don’t know. But now you all share in my skeeviness. When I’m not effing myself over E-Day, I want something, someone pretty to look at.

Being forty… plenty of effing.

Almost. But I hated thirty-nine, seventeen, and even seven. But here and now, there’s uh?

  1. Madoka Araki
  2. Tsubaki and Sakura Miyajima
  3. Reika and Reina Kurashiki
  4. Ayana Fujisawa
  5. Mikura Suzuki
  6. Asumi Hisato
  7. Sawa
  8. Tomoko
  9. Natsuno
  10. NETORARE

I thought that I would make one of those 64-brackets or something. And then I saw my Day Job schedule… Anything to keep my greatest FEAR at bay. My father is the originator of E-Day Day One. It’s good that I’m learning so much Japanese because what will my old man say to his bum of a son? I got lucky. I love Braxton. I don’t hate Virgil, Inspector. E-Day… Fearing my father, future, finding more… Eff E-Day! Braxton, Virgil…

1312 Days Without B III, Day 753 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 064 ~Virgil Will B Celebrating…~

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Where will I be by the time you read this? Still existing? Everyone knows how I feel about E-Day, and it’s so close now. Am I excited? The word I’m looking for is Eww! Eff E-Day! But if Virgil gets some expensive vittles… “Virgil Will B Celebrating…”

Tuesday, September 3, 2024

Meditation 064 ~Virgil Will B Celebrating…~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Our children. And Virgil? We’re both trying today. It’s Monday, August 26, 2024, my love.

But do I love you enough to forget… Who, Braxton? You know not to ask me that. And even the weeks when I cry out to the Heavens… STAY ALIVE! Even when I said I would be purely selfish for two weeks. I can never forget about my Lost Boy, my son, my Braxton. So allow me to get nerdy with this when it comes to me and my firstborn:

“Let me just say that… our relationship is beyond friendship, beyond family.” And I will (never) let him go. And you hope you can cope. For the record, I stole most of that from Star Trek’s Guinan, so you know.

But what’s the question I have been asking myself these two weeks, dear baby doll?

Can I let you and the kids celebrate me for one whole day? Can I celebrate just for one day? Can I not hate myself on E-Day? Can I not be afraid for a day? Can I listen to my son the way I didn’t when he died? Can I be happy? My son was the first to ask that of me, love. That’s something you and he share, and that is no insult. You’re here, and B… Hell! Come Existence Day, all he wanted was some fries and some steak, and he would party, my love. But these two weeks, I either want to cower, cry or… what’s that one naughty C-word? Uh, cream…

You know the one for Madoka Araki, Natsuno, Tomoko, Tsubaki

Ironic that while I cry and pray for my extinction before E-Day. All I want to do is be at some pretty “entrance…” Yours, my darling wife. And exist with the notion of creating life. I mourn my existence and the loss of Braxton’s life. It’s the same coin, beloved.

Celebrating who I am… Who am I? How can I celebrate a man that I have never lived for, my love? You ask me to pretend, and I look into your eyes. Your eyes and not your Yabbos. You have fantastic Yabbos, and I can answer that truthfully. But pretending? It’s a struggle, my love, a struggle with self-acceptance… Who am I, a doctor? Please!

Celebrating? I’ll do my best. And hope that, as Sean Connery put it, you’re the prom queen, my love. Effing E-Day. Virgil Will B Celebrating…

1311 Days Without B III, Day 752 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 063 ~ Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing~

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With all I do, I can close my eyes and sleep. Not rest but sleep. It’s facing myself in the morning, which is the hardest part. Almost… Eww? To meet new people with such thoughts. And I fear I’ll never be one for JOY. Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing

Monday, September 2, 2024

Meditation 063 ~ Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing~

Three-Hundredth And Fifty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like seeing who I am in Virgil’s eyes every morning. Or looking in the mirror. Braxton’s eyes…

I thought “we” agreed not to talk about him this week. Besides this week’s battle cry of STAY ALIVE! I should begin the day with the song “All About You.” Because for the next six days… Hell! I should be thrilled. With my Olds, I could be seeing Braxton again…

Please! It’s not easy attending a funeral every day. I mean mine and not… Anyway… Madam, let me avoid politics. Hint: Arlington National Cemetery. But to count myself among the ranks of the dead. Not the honored dead but the undead. And to see so many people happy. So what’s wrong with being happy? It pays better than Fear. Depression.

But there is still time to be thinking about getting paid. But should I survive…

I don’t hate being a writer, but I fear what I’ll write. Literally, the story of my existence, Madam. People don’t hate meeting me? But they fear knowing that this is who I am, sigh.

Fearful, Freaky, Fiendish, and effed up by my grief. Uh, Forlorn? Forgetful? How I wish.

I wish I could forget Emergence Day (E-Day). If my Olds didn’t hate meeting me. Madam, they surely fear the monster they made. I hate meeting their expectations and fear knowing what they intend to do about it. I’ll be forty on Emergence Day, Madam.

Today, I don’t Fear knowing Fear. But I hate to meet it everywhere, and so does everyone else. So why bother getting to know me at all? I’m always depressed.

I’m not successful because I’m not happy. Could I be happy? If I were successful and had simoleons raining down. Or several million fans. That’s what set me off last night. There’s a decent young brother with four million fans.

I wish I could be so silly or smart. There’s the mom that plays music with baby toys. Or the one that takes music and movies and makes skits. There are reactors, comedians… OnlyFans girls I’d like to meet and know in a biblical way

Sans clothing… The man that I meet every morning. Can I be a father again? A good friend. A fool who believes that I have a future. Yes, I can’t help but hate myself and fear what I’ll become soon. With Yabbos or yowling grief? Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1310 Days Without B III, Day 751 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 059 ~Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil~

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Fight or Flight? I wish I could say I’m a lover, not a fighter. But if there is one thing that makes me fly… Besides a pretty face or one of my boys needing me, it’s fear. The Earth rumbling beneath me into Hell. But, “Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil.”

Thursday, August 29, 2024

Meditation 059 ~Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil~

1306 Days Without B III, Day 747 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today… Tuesday, August 20, 2024, to be precise. I was falling out of bed. Almost.

Should I blame myself or Virgil? What a way to go, my friend. Only to this day, I believe you wanted to stay. Hell! You fought for weeks against sickness, starvation, and your stupid Daddy. I heard this joke the other day about a newlywed couple looking at each other, and the maid of honor said, “You’re looking at the person most likely to (take you out). I guess you had to be there. But my point is, being father and son, I never expected…’

Well, the first death that I caused would be that of my son. Euthanasia, Braxton. I wouldn’t discuss this with your aunt, but you could ask Gabe. Was it easier to leave his Mom on his own terms? I wonder.

Why am I so down? Uh, I don’t mean with V kicking me off the bed. Oh! He should have. Let me hit my head on the “TV Tray” and roll to the floor. And then just drift away, B? More like flying to you. Am I still under the impression that I’m going to Heaven? Is the Rainbow Bridge part of Paradise? If yes, then there’s no chance. If not, then we could be together again. For all I know, you took Cerberus’s job, and we’ll guard Hell’s Gates.

Heaven would be smothered by a puppy who loves me or a pretty girl sitting on my face. Eww! I’m sorry, B. Remember when you got “The Talk…” So awkward.

Remember when you were all up in your Aunt’s Yabbos? Or when you were sitting in her lap, you little traitor. Those were the days, Braxton. I’m kidding about your Treachery… Betrayal? That was me.

It’s what inspires me today or a few days ago when it was storming, and V was sitting in my lap, scared to death. He was shaking so hard I felt the floor was going to break beneath us. And I was reminded of how you did the same thing when you saw the end.

But when I held you for the last time… I raised you up. I promised you would be as tall as a king, and you would become even taller. Angel, God, Titan? Daddy is a worm. Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 058 ~Braxton And Virgil Call~

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What’s My Age Again? Thirty-Nine until E-Day. I wouldn’t have made it past seven if I had my way. A time way before the smartphones… Speaking of which, how old is my phone. It’s not like I get anything but bad news. I’d rather Braxton And Virgil Call

Wednesday, August 28, 2024

Meditation 058 ~Braxton And Virgil Call~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… According to “my” phone, at least. Who pays the bill? I restarted the timer of me “getting off…”

What? Yesterday, I was busy writing/stealing that scene from Episode Five of the series Discipline -The record of a Crusade- You know, the one of Madoka Araki. Why was that?

I’m staying alive!!! STAY ALIVE!!! My battle cry? The clarion call? A mandate from Heaven? Or wherever my Braxton resides after his passing. My son is asking me to wait to join him. And where’s Virgil? Well, he’s at the foot of the bed for now. This isn’t about him. But then again, yes, it is. Just because my boys don’t use phones doesn’t mean I don’t hear their voices. Yesterday, I got a call about Virgil. What about the call I’ve been dreading? I got a text from my Olds. It wasn’t about E-Day.

But E-Day, the day of my Emergence, Existence, and Extinction, is coming. It remains the second most horrific day in “my life.” But not yet…

My Olds informed me of some vote that was happening. And while I’m all for civic duty and whatnot, I want to hide out for the next two weeks. Even better, I wish I could just sleep through it all, like the song says, ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends.’ But no, I’m ‘awake and alive’ at this moment, sadly.

I wish I wasn’t, Inspector, my hand to God or Braxton. I would “happily” join the ranks of the dead rather than grow another year older. But haven’t I Echo? I’ve been saying for days now what rests in my head. It ain’t a brain. E-Day worries, women sans clothing.

Inspector? A silver lining? “Today is all about you.” Me…

By that I mean me. And who am I without a phone? Who are any of us, for that matter? I’m someone to Virgil because I got a call about picking up his medication yesterday. Inspector, I’m sitting here hoping “my” paycheck hits early so I can fetch those meds. Echo, it wouldn’t matter anyway because I won’t let Virgil follow Braxton… Not my call? I have to pick up food, so I already made myself sick with an energy shot, but the Day Job? Yeah, I got my schedule. My entire existence is run by the beeps and boops of the screen, Inspector. And if I wanted something for E-Day… Braxton returning… Joining him. Inspector “my” phone should Evolve. But, Braxton And Virgil Call.

1305 Days Without B III, Day 746 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 057 ~Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating~

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Virgil doesn’t hate. He’s bored to tears. V can’t stand the rain. And after 745 days, he’s not exactly… Um, I’m no one to talk about brains. Almost 40, what do I know? Harems and Netorare. I miss my son. And I hate myself. Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating

Tuesday, August 27, 2024

Meditation 057 ~Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love the family we have made together. I am endlessly grateful for your presence in my life. I will always love Braxton. And, Virgil…

I am trying, my love. Hell! Virgil claimed the center of the bed this morning. And he seems more than happy. And what about me? Am I happy? We might never speak again with our conversation just yesterday. Meditation 064 Virgil Will B Celebrating… Hmm.

I’ve a better chance of learning Time Travel than happiness when it comes to E-Day, the day I began existing. But everything I say, possibly my last words, will be out of Hatred, Sadness, or outright Fear. Love. Yesterday, there was a lot of hate. This Is America, and I’m an old African American man. And getting older… Effing E-Day. I got enemies, got a lot of enemies but I am my own worst enemy. And why is that? Braxton thought I was pretty great.

And while I’m busy quoting songs, here’s another “I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.” This song resonates with me after Braxton died, as I thought I was singing to him, my beloved. Then, I thought that the pain of my son’s loss would eventually drive you away. Next to Braxton, those that love me… You, Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime loves everybody… platonically, a good girl ha-ha!

Have I read what Cherry has written today? And what about my Olds? There’s Virgil.

Just like happiness, I can’t say I’ve ever loved myself. But there’s the Possibility. And that was because Braxton was here. As I’ve been saying, my battle cry should be… STAY ALIVE. But it was never for me, alone. To be someone that I actually love… Someone with a purpose. I struggle with this, and I hope you can understand.

If life’s a game made for everyone, then love isn’t the prize. No, love is the instruction manual. And on the day my son left this world, and I entered it. Love, that’s Game Over.

January 31st and E-Day. These are the days I hate myself the most. But at least with Braxton, there is so much love that I had for him, and it’s like it couldn’t help but overflow. Drowning? No, I sailed.

It brought me to you. It gave us our kids. Allows me to love my friends. It even found V? I’m grateful for the love and support I’ve received, and I hope you know how much it means to me.

It makes me grateful for all my “adult animation” sins these days. I’m still finding things to watch and to inspire “my” novel.” Gross? Absolutely.

But nine months later, January to E-Day. I swear, another year older, I still hate myself. Love? You try. Virgil tries. Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating.

1304 Days Without B III, Day 745 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 056 ~Listen To The Silent Man~

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How do you make me shut up? You can sign my checks, have Yabbos, or be a ten lb. ball of fluff that watches me sleep and guards the door. What do I listen to? Anime vixens, the man in the mirror, and my son who loves me. Oh? Listen To The Silent Man.

Monday, August 26, 2024

Meditation 056 ~Listen To The Silent Man~

Three-Hundredth And Fifty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Or maybe I’m too noisy these days. I’m talking to myself. I’m moaning out, “Madoka Araki!” E-Day…

STAY ALIVE! That should be my battle cry for the next two weeks. But considering I’m a black man and “This Is America,” I should exercise my right to remain silent. My lost boy, little love, my Braxton would have made a great lawyer. And I should listen to him, wherever he is now. Uh…

My “Spirit In The Sky.” My son Braxton. What? Other people have God. So don’t you dare tell me I can’t talk to a dog that had me kneel more than “my sweet buttery Jesus.”

However, one thing they had in common is that I didn’t listen to either… eventually. Madam, I didn’t hear when my Braxton was sick. And I haven’t bothered talking to God since Braxton passed away. I keep repeating that, Madam.

Braxton would tell me to rest now without a word. He would look after me. But looking over myself these past few days… I’m a deviant, disgusted, depraved, and dumb.

This is “good,” considering how I speak about myself and my greatest worry. Waking up this morning, I turn again to Madoka Araki. What is it about that woman that’s getting to me? I can’t get crazy because Virgil has been so cuddly lately. Again, I didn’t hear Braxton, and I’m not listening to Virgil.

Animation… Hentai, in particular… “surprise, surprise” keeps my mind silent… Or at least busy, which I can “live” with. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings, so they say, Madam. If I can’t do one thing with my hands… I can learn about Madoka Araki (Discipline), Netorare, Natsuno, Saimin Seishidou… etc.

Please, BE SILENT! Well, I was crying last night, hoping that I wouldn’t wake up. It was a quiet night between watching WWE wrestling and “adult” wrestling, switching everything off, and then being left alone with my thoughts. Listening to myself, Madam, is the most dangerous thing. Being right here today, I realize I don’t like myself. Not ever. And yet, in these moments, I crave solitude, a break from the world’s noise. I’m old…

I’m almost forty, Madam, and don’t want to hear a word from that old man. What about my Old Man? Every time the phone makes a noise, I get scared. Cutting it off requires willpower.

My Braxton had plenty. I still miss his eyes on me, saying, “Go to sleep. You’re safe and sound.” E-Day brings the noise. I Can’t Listen To The Silent Man.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1303 Days Without B III, Day 744 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 052 ~Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned~

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With some cash, I’d find myself a drug habit or drink. I know people who’ve escaped. My escape? My therapist son’s in a box. And my other family? The ones I dream of are out there or in a tissue. Eww! My “life.” “Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned”

Thursday, August 22, 2024

Meditation 052 ~Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned~

1299 Days Without B III, Day 740 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for my day… I wish I were stoned, sloshed, or sleeping like your brother.

Brother? How dare I? But it was only yesterday, Friday, August 16, 2024. I referred to Virgil as your little brother. A milestone? It beats a headstone. But then again, how’s Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever you are? I worry that I will join you there, B. Not yet…

We’re another day closer to E-Day, the day I met Existence. But I don’t want to talk about death. It’s not like you got a headstone. You’re in a box on the nightstand. How would I like my remains displayed?

Now, didn’t I just say we shouldn’t talk about death? But surviving your passing was a massive milestone for me. And here come the tears. But it beats the alternative. 161 days, Braxton, before I gave into my sin. Eww!

We shouldn’t talk about that either. But what about your little bro? Any milestones? Hmm? I bought a new rug and placed it under Virgil’s ‘training pad.’ Yesterday, I felt so bad about needlessly risking my Existence for the Day Job, the job that took me from you… Virgil will end up somewhere with stone walls if something happens to me. But he’s getting yet another sleep fix, B III.

He doesn’t want to interrupt us. Or just me? It’s not as if I’ve done anything to make my mark on the world. Even today. It would be one where you need to hang out in your room for a while. But I’m keeping myself together because Virgil is here. I’m lying against the pillow one more day, wasting away.

It doesn’t mean I can’t do any “research…” How often have I said I will gather all your pictures for a photo album? Since 2021. But somehow or another, the names of so many others:

  1. Sakura and Tsubaki Miyajima
  2. Reina and Reika Kurashiki
  3. Tomoko “A Mother’s Love”

I need to speak Dog more and less Japanese. Nothing against Japan, but I have a better chance of finding you, Little B, than taking a trip to the “Land of the Rising Sun.” Though I’ve been thinking a lot about the games I’ve never played. I’m wasting more money.

Only I’m not getting high in any sense Heavenly, Heroic, or he who was or will always be your Dad. Petrified. Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad