Tag: Manhood

Tale 360 ~Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper~

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It’s Only A Paper Moon… Nope. According to the publisher, it’s been six years. So, the moon is very real. Moving the tides but not turning the pages of all I’ve written. About love? No, Braxton left three years ago. “Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper”

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Tale 360 ~Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I wake up every day with a heart bursting with love for you. But today, my love, I also woke up with something else. Hmm…

Hope. Such mad hope. But there it is. Huh. I’d rather wake up with a fervent hope, a desire to see my son Braxton. Alive, thriving, and brimming with the joy of life once more.

I love you and our family. I’ll Always Love My Mama. I have a younger sister and two nephews. I’d only need a little paper to make a list of all those that I love.

Speaking of which, why did I wake up with hope… Do not worry, my love; despite my business leanings, I haven’t gone all out, like the characters in ‘Succubus Lord, ‘Satan’s Sorority Girls, ‘Bikini Days, ‘and ‘Backyard Dungeon. ‘ These are just some of the books I’ve been reading in my free time. Love, didn’t I say I have a lot of time to read?

Today, I woke up with a glimmer of hope. It was sparked by a dream, a memory from six years ago when I heard from that publishing company. The dream, though fleeting, brought back a surge of emotions and a renewed sense of possibility. Really?

Time has a way of slipping through our fingers, doesn’t it? I’ve spent the past three years in mourning, and I know there will be more. But please, don’t hold that against me. I yearn for a different kind of love. One that’s not confined to paper or literary aspirations. I want to be a lover, not just a lyricist… sometimes. I want a tangible love that I can hold in my arms and feel in my heart every day.

Someone You Loved… I hope someone you love shouldn’t require so much paperwork, Baby Doll. But again, with all my extra time, there is a lot of it. Now you know why I would rather look at shapely Yabbos all day. Or dream that my Braxton is watching over me.

But I can write this all down. And what does it mean to you, love?

The critic says it’s a mess. My account hints that I need more paper. Every time you hand me something to read, Darling… Well, that’s rare. But being a parent with all our children’s drawings, dealing with grades, and deciding that they want to follow in my footsteps… with writing at least. I don’t want to be their dad on paper or with our DNA. I want to be their dad in every sense of the word, guiding, supporting, and loving them unconditionally. I must.

You, love? Well, you’ve always been more of a More Than Words type of woman. You’ve been my inspiration, strength, and reason to keep going. Writing about us would be enough to put all those books I mentioned to shame. And then there’s the studio, “selling” experiences, and several cosplays. Such love for my business.

Braxton, though, you and our family. Virgil. While I’m a paperboy. Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper

1241 Days Without B III, Day 682 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 359 ~Feeling Good Is A Responsibility~

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Money, Power, Women… Everything wouldn’t make me happy. Braxton couldn’t even do that. But he was better than most women. He made me want to be better. Why, it’s almost like being in love. Now it’s my “burden?” “Feeling Good Is A Responsibility”

Monday, June 24, 2024

Tale 359 ~Feeling Good Is A Responsibility~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… And those that aren’t, I don’t need to be reminded of. Like someone asking, how are you?

Give me my son back, and then we’ll talk. I mean, I haven’t washed Braxton’s bedding or favorite toy to this very day. I’ll need his DNA at some point. If this week works out. Oh! So I’m going to finish a book this week. Am I feeling okay, Madam. It’s been 1240 Days. And I continue to mourn my son’s euthanasia. Feeling Good? Oh No! The depth of my grief is the norm. And they say it’s no one’s responsibility to make you happy. It is yours. It’s mine…

So write the book and “go get the money, go get the money,” as the song goes. But that’s not living “my” purpose. Am I trying to sound like a motivational speech? How I wish.

But having money feels better.

Now, if I can’t get my son, Braxton, back, If I can’t feel the warm and fuzzies for little Virgil…

POWER! No one man should have all that power. And I don’t mean in a physical sense per se. Madam, there is literally another rule that talks about how money makes a man look. A man? Haven’t I been talking about manhood equating to fatherhood? And some of the men that I admire most… I don’t know if they have families of their own. Sigh.

When you spend the better part of the day looking up new adult starlets, you find out the men they’re with, too. To have a body like that? To make women like them, Madam… Uh…

Yearn, Yell, Yield… That’s power.

And Scarface said it best:

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then, when you get the money, you get the power. Then, when you get the power, then you get the women.”

I want to feel good, if only for a little while. But I need money to spend. And I am struggling to find the energy to stay awake today. But what wakes me up every day? Rather, how do I feel when I wake up in the morning? I check the foot of the bed for B. Then I check his bed. The longing for the past is a constant companion. My Braxton is gone!

And Virgil? Sometimes, he’s on ‘my’ bed. Other times, I have to set up the gate, and he sleeps in Braxton’s room. Which leaves me alone to what? I look for various distractions, like bigger and smaller Yabbos, to fill the void. I know. Eww!

But if I want to make the good feelings last… I must take responsibility. Had I done this before, I wouldn’t need any ACCEPTANCE. Braxton being gone? No! Never! But… Feeling Good Is A Responsibility.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1240 Days Without B III, Day 681 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 355 ~The Daily B, Virgil~

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Extra, Extra! Read all about it! I have “Too Much Time on My Hands,” but I won’t be reading the paper. And how many books do I have left that I haven’t read? There’s so much editing to do. And writing about my sons, uh son? “The Daily B, Virgil”

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Tale 355 ~The Daily B, Virgil~

1236 Days Without B III, Day 677 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Didn’t I speak to you a few hours ago? Thursday, June 13, 2024, around 10:20?

I have all the time in the world for you now, B III. Well… until 4:55 PM. Rise and shine? I’m not that lazy… yet. But I’m trying to get Virgil onto a schedule. And I’m not trying to criticize him. But you were so much easier when it came to outside time. Age? Experience? That’s not a criticism of you, either. I’d bring McD’s back so you going out…

Yeah, we’d share fries. Then you’d go take care of your business. And walking, Braxton. Again, it comes with age. You only wanted to chill with me in bed. All you needed was a mom, and we would have been golden. Golden fries, my gold, and golden curls. Uh, no.

I’m into brunettes, you know.

But it won’t be any of that for the next few weeks. I’ve been thinking about that for the past few hours since I got my new schedule. Effed. My walking papers? The Day Job.

Braxton, I should shut up talking like that. I don’t need that Juju in the universe. It’s why I never thought about you passing away, either. Again, bad Juju. But I’m hungry, with a heavy heart. And existing is hard. How I long for the days I could send you to your room, B III. Eww! And Virgil is hanging out on the bed again. You could tell Virgil off.

Remember, “That’s my spot,” “my daddy,” and “my life.” None of us listened, did we?

Virgil, your aunt, or me.

And then I talk to you on Thursdays. Please! I speak to you daily because I’m scared or not trying to be “skeevy.” Or I feel STUPID! You’re among the top ten things I think about, Braxton. On the Daily!

Hopefully, you have better things to do on The Rainbow Bridge, in Heaven, or wherever.

But what am I going to do next week and the week after? I could do what I promised, B.

I have all the time in the world to edit and finish one or two of my books—yours and mine. I can try something that would make me not feel bad sitting here on a daily basis, B. TRY!

Do I have a choice, being scared, stupid, and with sons? The Daily B, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Juneteenth… First, let me explain that I’m just a black man. And no MAGA/GOP, that isn’t a sin. My sin lies in my son Braxton’s Euthanasia. I’ll never be free of my Grief. But, fear, bad dreams, my Olds, Day Job… FREEDOM! “We’ll B FREE, Virgil.”

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And I don’t mean not keeping my promise to my son Braxton. That title sounded familiar, Inspector Echo.

FREEDOM is a significant word in my life, much like HAPPINESS or HOME. Yet, these words, these concepts, seem distant and intangible. They are mere symbols devoid of real meaning. They are like a cow’s mess, scattered and meaningless… BS

Inspector, you want a word that means anything. I can give you one, meaning everything.

Braxton. Braxton Barks Bradford. Son.

I’ve told the story of B III’s name, or at least my opinion. My Ma gave Braxton his name. Uh…

My son Braxton was named after Braxton P. Hartnabrig, a character from The Jamie Foxx Show. This character was a tall, light-skinned man with a ‘classy’ attitude. However, my son Braxton, a short, beige fluff ball, shares only his name and believes he’s superior to everyone. But he lacks the class. Ha! My brave boy.

Hence, his middle name Barks.

Now, I named Virgil after the Roman poet of the same name. Primarily because he led Dante through Hell itself. That’s another sin; I dragged Virgil down here with me.

Inspector as I speak on the sins against my sons, Braxton and Virgil. It would be remiss not to talk about the third sin that has brought us here today. And that is of FREEDOM.

Today is Juneteenth, a day of liberation and freedom long denied. So what about mine? I was “freed” from sleep because of a bad dream. I make bad financial decisions.

$139.68, that’s the exact amount of a PAYCHECK. And that’s from the last ‘good’ week. This week has been worse. The next one promises to be even more challenging. PAYCHECK, HAPPINESS, HOME, FREEDOM… These are just words, empty and meaningless. Yet, I continue to write.

Because aren’t I a writer? All words have meaning. And how else do I expect to be free, I ask!

How many hours for my last measly PAYCHECK? And at the same time, barely any hours this week. And if I had any cash, I could go on vacation for most of next week, too.

Write, Edit, Publish! That is the key to freedom, but did you see me yesterday? Inspector, you can’t say that I didn’t try. What? I didn’t try to edit one of “my” books.” My pants?

Well, I kept them on. I still have $12.00 on OnlyFans, but I need $20.00 for a payout. What’s next?

FREEDOM from everything… well, FEAR! Because Grief is going nowhere. Braxton. We’ll B FREE, Virgil

1235 Days Without B III, Day 676 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 353 ~B Preserves It, Virgil~

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A life worth remembering. To have lineage, a legacy, lots of money, and love… Braxton and I had each other. Never enough money, but there was love. As for ladies? Well, unlike Virgil, Braxton had “balls.” But saving his life? B Preserves It, Virgil

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Tale 353 ~B Preserves It, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love our family. I love what I do… NOW. Virgil is alright. But my love for you, my future wife, is beyond words. But what about my… existence? Sigh.

NO! I’d rather talk about my Braxton. Surprise, surprise! My son’s been gone 1234 days. And you know what I thought about as soon as we were finished? And again, Baby Doll, I’m sorry. As Norah Jones sang, “I don’t know why I didn’t come.” Well, I do know, love.

As I was getting a towel to dry you off after… I couldn’t help but notice Braxton’s bed, untouched, and his favorite toy still in the same spot. These items hold so much of him, his essence, his DNA. It’s a bittersweet reminder, my love.

When it comes to my firstborn son, I’ve said even though I didn’t pour the Bisquick. Braxton was/is my favorite Pancake. I still have some of Braxton’s food and medications.

My love, “Had I known how to save a life.”

My love, I find myself in a constant battle. I hold onto my grief for Braxton as if it’s the only way to keep him close. But in doing so, it feels like I’m also losing my love for you. It’s a painful paradox, one that I’m trying to navigate.

I’ve been talking a lot about having “Too Much Time on My Hands.” And with the summer months, I’m thawing out even more pain. And not just mine, Baby Girl. Do you remember the book “Lust” by Ker Dukey? It was about a former football star who lost his brother. Then there’s “40 Days and 40 Nights,” about the guy and his ex-girlfriend. Oh No!

Where am I taking this?

There are also three more of my favorite books:
The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson
A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel
The Island by Gary Paulsen

One man is a former adult star who can no longer perform. Another runs away from the world after the loss of his son. I REALLY relate to that one. The third camps out on an island, and his “girlfriend” says he’s changing. But what do all these titles have in common? I ask you.

Men who stop performing, playing, and preserving their legacies. Sunday was Father’s Day, and I’ll say it again. Fatherhood is the epitome of Manhood. And what is mine, I ask?

Being your husband. A good father to our children, even to Virgil. But I need your understanding and support to save myself in this. Somehow, Someway! B Preserves It, Virgil

1234 Days Without B III, Day 675 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 352 ~Even The Devil Gets Homesick~

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Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but “Nobody Wants To Die.” Wasn’t that why I was working hard at the Day Job? And what happened to my son. And maybe if I read enough to get smart enough to write enough, we’d find Heaven. Even The Devil Gets Homesick

Monday, June 17, 2024

Tale 352 ~Even The Devil Gets Homesick~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Concepts, Ideas, Knowledge vs Belief? Just words like, better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

Funny, I bring that up today. Although today isn’t today, it’s Thursday, June 13, 2024.

And I am afraid. You see how the days smoosh together. I’m scared every day. It’s by my doing, for the most part. I don’t Doublethink like some. I overthink! And why is that now?

Yes, Braxton is still gone, passed away, if I’m being nice about it. I don’t mean to sound cavalier about it, either. Madam, my son might have lived if I had weeks like this before.

So, it’s looking like a short week, and the next one will be shorter. I’m not going to be making anything. I abhor the Day Job, but there are three little words: I need money!

For me and for Virgil

And how about more books? Didn’t I mention myself writing one in my “conversation with Braxton?” I’ve got several. There are two I wrote for him. I love reading and writing… As long as it’s not about fur buddies meeting their ends. Why do I read those, hmm? They don’t make me feel better. And they only give me ideas on how to honor B.

Again, that takes money. And I’ll have plenty of time to think about it. But first, I’ll be worrying about the Day Job. Isn’t that what led to Braxton’s passing? Second, I’ll worry about getting in trouble with the day job, my dad, or the “D” in my pants. Third, there’s writing anything worthwhile, period. Don’t I miss it ever?

Yes! This explains why I was at the Dining Room table this morning. And I’m back in bed this afternoon. Because it’s hard not to be dirty. Did I say that? You’re not the Inspector.

But to be honest, what was Heaven? Where is Heaven? I swear, Madam, when I was reading the Day Job schedule and thinking I’d done something wrong… Joining B III?

No! Even on his last day, B wanted to come home with me. B III found his place with me. Heaven was lying with me as I read. Or it was sandwiched between his aunt and me. There’s my drooling over Cherry’s “shenanigans.” Sitting in the middle bed, “relaxed.” Reigning. Day Job’s not Heaven, but… Even The Devil Gets Homesick
“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1233 Days Without B III, Day 674 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

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When did I last call Virgil a Good Boy/Good Puppy? Didn’t he just “GO” outside? If only I got paid for a bodily function… Eww! But I did make 12 bucks on OnlyFans. And 40 as the employee of the month. That’s not good… “Virgil, B Good, Only”

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

1229 Days Without B III, Day 670 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? These past few days, for me. To quote a famous dog owner… Good Grief! Braxton.

I need you now more than ever. Only that’s a lie. Tomorrow is coming, B. Then the next day. And the day after, and the day after that. I should have followed you, like always. But knowing how bad I am on the inside – Anger, Depression, Yabbos, etc. And the outside isn’t any better, B. Cameras, mirrors, my eyes…

Remember your bath times, Braxton? I started handing you over to the groomers, not wanting to be mad at you. Those were the good times, Braxton. I recently came across a video of one of those baths. I cried. It’s amazing how much can change in just a few days.

One Thursday morning, you stopped crying, and I figured you needed a check-up, B III.

Then, on a Sunday afternoon, I hear the word Euthanasia, and my Old Man asks: “Are you getting a new dog?” That’s your grandpa for you, B. Oh! And that BBQ I went to on Sunday. I swear you wouldn’t have tolerated your cousins. But free food B III. Ha!

That was the only good financial decision I’ve made in quite a while. Did you see what I did yesterday? Or instead, what I didn’t do. Eww! But still ten bucks for a girl that’s not Cherry. Not even close.

Only she won’t be painting the town red. And I need new books. Ok, no, I don’t, but B III. You know, better than most.

It was good when we lied together, and I read “appropriate” stuff, Braxton. It’s one of the reasons you are so bright. Reading was/is Heaven. But seeing it? No! That was no good at all. Then again, how would I know? You could be hugged up by a girl with a “pretty face, a firm backside, and big (Yabbos) like casaba melons.” Yes, that’s from Coming To America, but still…

Braxton, that would be the “Good Life,” wouldn’t it? But M Anime, Cherry, your “honorary” aunt. Your Daddy is not a good person, B. I’m a very sad one. But for how much longer? Virgil is trying. He’s even back to sleeping in the bed with me. Virgil sees a Bad Moon Rising. Maybe he is courageous. Me? My Mood: Depressing. Virgil, B Good, Only…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

WillLeave a comment

This is no game; this is no drill. Battle Stations! Um, Abandon Ship… from my brief stint in the Navy. I’ve cried so many tears. Sweated bullets. And let’s not talk about other bodily fluids. I’m supposed to exist in “this.” But no Codes B And V

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Have I spent too much money… AGAIN! Last time I checked, Virgil is alive and “physically” well. Mentally?

Well, here on this Wednesday, June 5, 2024… V’s probably sitting on the stairs, too scared to come down. So was Braxton on that Sunday, January 31, 2021. Even if he had wanted to, which he didn’t. My son was way too sick. Dying actually. A red alert, dear Echo.

Fears like losing another fur buddy have me like Tris from Divergent. Fear keeps me up longer than any energy drink. And when Braxton was here, I could face it head-on. I found courage for my son because of my son. Someone asked, If you wanted to share your soulmate pet’s life story and you only had six words, what would they be?” My answer:

“You and me, against the world.” A father and son.

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.” Divergent

Should it worry me that I’ve written two full-blown novels for Braxton? And I’m doing nothing with them, Inspector? But six little words on the fly fit me and B III easily. Shame on me.

What about the fact that 2V has been here for 669 days? And he and I still haven’t bonded. That’s a cause for a red alert if I’ve ever heard one. General Quarters, Battle Stations!

Virgil and I are pretty decent. I should save that for my Old Man. Did I call him yet? Hmm.

There’s the alarm for when I go to the Day Job. Humiliations Galore! Inspector Echo.

Whenever the next “tragedy” strikes. As in Virgil making a mess. To the fence falling. What about DISH Network, Inspector?

I swear! I will stop talking about that because what was I watching anyway? Inspector, what have I been watching for the past few minutes? It should be a red flag or alert that I’m always angry, afraid, and amorous at any given point and time. And as far as being “amorous…” A safe word? I need some code words. Or I should stop talking because I’m the only one ever in trouble. Critical writing, Inspector. The sounds of silence.

Only when I’m in the duvet, dead, or being disgusting. And when I’m disgusting Echo. Now that’s an alert I can do without when I’m about to… well, Inspector… Eww!

Deciding how to exist was easier once. But Red Alert… no Codes B And V

1228 Days Without B III, Day 669 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 345 ~Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion~

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It’s six, three, or one impossible thing a day. Just me getting out of this bed. And never with love or happiness. It’s fear and a J O B (snickers). Most people are of the opinion I have a good life. But me existing? Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion

Monday, June 10, 2024

Tale 345 ~Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Tell that to the Six Impossible Things list I make every Sunday. In my “whimsical” tradition, I jot down six seemingly impossible things that bring me misery or betterment… Questions without answers. But how about today, Madam.

I could really use a wish right now. But impossible things are happening every day! Madam, I’m at least writing them out. And since I’m sure I’ll fail five out of six, where shall I go? Don’t tempt me. I’ve got something impossible, but Virgil, the new guy, is here. And so… I’m still breathing.

Let’s talk about Braxton. He’s always number one on my list. And haven’t they been able to clone dogs? Refrain from talking about what I’ve been reading. Just today, which is Sunday, June 2, 2024. I’ve looked it up to see if it’s possible. Not from hair or ashes. Bedding?

I’m sure that carries Braxton’s DNA. And his favorite toy? But besides that, I’ve bought another book to help me cope with losing my fur buddy. And then there’s Backyard Dungeon 11. I’m still bothering…

Cherry has a low opinion of those types of books. I remember when I bought M Anime some titles—awkward. And I still need to get B’s Aunt a birthday present. So, even more books!

Madam, it didn’t take tequila to make her clothes fall off. Did I really say that? Again, she’s almost like a sister to me… Almost. Cherry, M Anime, I fear they’ll get sick of me.

“The horror! The horror!” FEAR, my dear Madam. Of what? Of being abandoned, left alone, or arrested. The things I think about daily. Wild, Wicked, Wrong. Everything I want is insipid, insane, illegal, and/or impossible. It depends on who you ask. B wouldn’t have cared.

Because my son is brave. And the fears I have…

It’s impossible to give each one a name. And if I tell you, I’m afraid of everything, my Madam. It feels like I am more and more with each passing day. My Braxton and Fear.

Three wishes and three impossible things. The third would be to become what I desire.

I can’t clone my boy. I can’t find my courage. And to climb out of bed willing, on any day ending in Y. But why is that? I know full well it’s not a fact. Because Virgil is still here.

It’s impossible for Virgil to be Braxton. As impossible as it is for me to find acceptance in Braxton’s passing. Those are facts. Impossible to live? That’s not Braxton’s opinion. Impossible’s Not Fact But Opinion

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1226 Days Without B III, Day 667 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 341 ~Virgil, Braxton Begins To…~

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This is what you get when you stay wrapped in blankets. And the new guy, the new dog, follows suit. Uh? Virgil’s been here 663 Days. And I’ve mourned Braxton way more than that. Can Little B III ever enjoy peace? Which one? Virgil, Braxton Begins To…

Thursday, June 6, 2024

Tale 341 ~Virgil, Braxton Begins To…~

1222 Days Without B III, Day 663 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Even when I’m not at the Day Job. I plan on the day unraveling anyway.

Or is that just me climbing out of the blankets? To think, Braxton, I never noticed us growing older. I wasn’t old enough to keep up with you, though. And I’m much too old for…

Take your pick. I was talking to Dear Future Wife today. You know the mom you never got to meet. And it’s doubtful I’ve met her between Friday, May 24, 2024, and now, B III.

Anyway, I was talking to her. As usual, I asked her this question. ‘Where’d You Go?’ Not about her. And I know, Braxton, I should love her better. If I loved everyone the way I loved you… I think of who you became. And what I could become. Keep my eyes off the sky, right?

But anyway I was asking, where were you? It’s been 1222 days, and I can still see your Heaven, plain as day. It’s one big fluffy bed with all our snacks and fast food. Yummy!

Do forgive me, Braxton. It’s been a long day, and I haven’t eaten because… Existing… Always existing instead of living, and we’ll get to that, but anyway, Monsieur Baby B.

Heaven’s big bed will have more substantial food for you on one side. You know, like on the high holy days. There was Thanksgiving, E-Day, and Christmas. Your Birthday, Braxton. Now, the other side would have all the treats you were supposed to have. And whatever I gave you when taking your medications. You know it still irks me, B.

You were taking all these heart medications. But your kidneys had you jumping off the bed to everlasting sunshine. If you’re not eating in paradise, you’ve jumped off the foot of the bed, and you’re sunbathing. The Rainbow Bridge, Braxton?

When will I see you again? Will I ever? Only you’re asking when will I begin to live. And not just exist. The philosopher, professor, and my little praetorian guard. I know I read enough books while you slept. So yeah, you would be pretty smart now, my son. Ha-Ha.

Looks at my reading list…

When does Virgil begin his watch? When does ACCEPTANCE begin? NEVER! When do I stop asking for your wings and LIVE? It won’t be this week, Virgil, Braxton Begins To…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad