Tag: Past

Tale 336 ~On Braxton’s Time, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A great man once said, “We live and die by time.” Another said, “I am a meat popsicle.” But who has time to watch movies? Listen to music? Read the works of Marcus Aurelius. And write my own manuscripts. I got my boys. On Braxton’s Time, Virgil.

Saturday, June 1, 2024

Tale 336 ~On Braxton’s Time, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Or I would be if I did everything I told Braxton about. 1217 Days? Geez, Louise!

Who am I talking to, Lady Lunalesca? Better yet, what am I trying to say? And do I have time to say it? Again, if I go back three years ago and some change. Change? I can’t forget about the money. Can I afford to say what I want to say? That’s the thing my son “B” is priceless. And the other one? What, “V?” He’s still waiting for his time to shine, Lady Lu.

Dime, Crime, Time. The rhyme…

But no, Lady Lunalesca, I’m not trying to be a rapper. A hip hop artist. What about a repairman? Between DISH Network and everything being broken around here… A veterinarian? Well, Virgil is alive, but not Braxton. An adult star? Please! Anything for a dime.

When “I need a dollar, dollar. Dollar, that’s what I need.” Whether rhyme or crime, I gotta get mine. So, what crimes have I committed so early in the day? Well, other than wasting time. And we’ll get to that, Lady Lunalesca. But there is one thing I’ll never forget.

My son is dead. Euthanasia.

One of the reasons I’m talking to you so early is that PetSmart opens at 9:00 a.m., and V needs food. Now, wasn’t I out yesterday? And I didn’t pick Virgil up any? THINK Man!

“Is it a Crime?” What, to be so lazy, a loser, and let’s not forget lewd. On “X” earlier, Lu…

I was looking up pictures of Sophitia from “Soul Calibur.” No time for adult passions.

Am I classifying myself as an adult? A great man once said, “I am a meat popsicle.” But this is not the time for jokes. The earlier I get to PetSmart, the less likely I’ll run into the people from whom I adopted Virgil. 658 Days of his life wasted with me. Times a beast.

Yesterday, that’s what popped into my head. The five months I’ve trashed coming into my fortieth year on this Earth. If my favorite number (snickers) is 15. That’s how old Braxton will always be. Then the worst number is 40. Time enough, at last, Lunalesca?

You’re asking me for what? I don’t know. If I could be a father again. A rich fiend. Have a family. On Braxton’s Time, Virgil.

1217 Days Without B III, Day 658 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 334 ~Buzzing B Because Virgil…~

WillLeave a comment

Summertime and the bugs are out. Please! Between watching Helldivers II because, uh… what money? V catching something and getting Down With The Sickness. Reading, “Meditations.” And my technical prowess. It’s all bugging me. Buzzing B Because Virgil…

Thursday, May 30, 2024

Tale 334 ~Buzzing B Because Virgil…~

1215 Days Without B III, Day 656 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how I am; I need a nap as soon as I get back.

And it’s only 9:30 AM. I swear, Braxton, the last few days have been like a constant irritation, a persistent annoyance, and a never-ending disturbance all at once. It’s been like a bee sting, a mosquito bite, and a butterfly flapping all at once. Am I being a tad overdramatic? Me! Sigh! I just can’t seem to catch a break.

Braxton, I’m trying not to complain. And if I told you the truth. All the things that are bothering me… Well, I’m trying not to reach for the buzzer to paradise. How about Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door? Gotta Knock a Little Harder. Me or Virgil? I don’t know anymore. But if anything, this is far from a land of milk and honey. Whatever V’s hacking.

I’ve been quite the busy bee cleaning up after him. What about my messes? Everything!

I think of you in the rare moments of peace when there’s a brief quiet between Virgil’s crying and coughing. Your words, sometimes comforting, sometimes biting, echo in my head. Am I blaming you for my reading Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations? Some of it is noise, and some is nothing, Ha-Ha. And then there’s what I need to hear. I’ve copied far too many quotes, Braxton.

Death by a thousand cuts. Or bites, whatever. Speaking of which, I should go and live outside right now. With Virgil being the way he is, your granddad, too. Are you out there, Little Braxton?

At least I wouldn’t be breaking anything else. And you know how I feel about being on my knees… Well, no! The only girl here you liked was your honorary aunt. She wouldn’t have minded. Looking at her, Cherry, M Anime, for a stepmom, Braxton…

Some girl that would rock me like a hurricane. A girl that is a hurricane. A Bullet With Butterfly Wings… I’m sorry for all the musical references. But again, Braxton, there’s so much noise. I thought I said I couldn’t hear you, and then you sent me such a title.

Yesterday, while at the Day Job, I was thinking about the worst sounds in existence. There’s the last breath you took. There’s every breath I take. It’s breathing, in general. Pretty much Then laughter. Let’s not forget making myself moan. But butterflies flapping their wings… Somewhere, one flapped, and Virgil caught a bug. I’m flipping through book pages. And what the Hell is that smell! It all bugs me. Without you… Buzzing B Because Virgil…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 333 ~Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“I will protect you. Even if it means I must protect you from yourself.” B III lived that. And 2V? I can’t buy grand memorials for B when V needs stuff. Kept my naked butt off OnlyFans. And from doing dumb stuff. “Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil”

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Tale 333 ~Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But I was telling you all about this a week ago. Duh. Today is Wednesday, May 22, 2024.

So I’m not being lazy? I’ve had a lot of time off from the Day Job, and Virgil needs things.

A new potty spot since he must still smell Braxton on the old one. Of all the things that I’ve protected. Memories of my firstborn fur buddy. Where Braxton decided to “go” isn’t one of them. And what about a set of stairs? You know, for whenever he wants to get on the bed? I’m still unsure what’s going on in Virgil’s little brain. But he jumps off the bed whenever I’m about to sleep.

A man provides, right? Not a father. Even with his passing, I’ll keep that title for Braxton. He’s my son. Always. And I should be buying him stuff, too. Where’s the time and money going?

Not into my poetry book, GULP. And I still need to look at the two novels I wrote for Braxton. But I am trying to stick to a schedule with everything that’s been going on.

I wonder. What does DISH Network have on me? Um, Artificial Intelligence? The whole Internet?

If it isn’t novels… For now, I’m reading Backyard Dungeon 10. I’ve been hanging on OF. OnlyFans? Fortunately, I’m not spending any money. And as far as making it, Inspector.

Well, V is making that problematic with his running around. I mean only this afternoon, sigh. I was in the shower. But with Virgil crying in Braxton’s Room. Then, his unannounced visits. Like why now?

Inspector, you know how they ask if it’s weird that passed relatives might see you…

Uh… it’s hard for me. I remember… When Braxton first left, I was abstinent for 161 days, ha-ha. It was much longer than that when he was alive. But let’s trade one head for another.

Again, when we spoke earlier today, I told you about the violent knocking and me grabbing my weapon. And for most of Tuesday evening, I had it out. For protection?

Inspector, sorry to say I wasn’t thinking about survival. I wanted to join my Braxton.

Once again, there was Virgil. You must live for more. But having someone to protect…

He’s stopping me from “worshipping” one who is gone. He’s keeping my hand out of my pants. And away from harm. Braxton’s reasons for sending Virgil. Braxton’s Crime Stopper Virgil

1214 Days Without B III, Day 655 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 330 ~To B Revealed, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

If I wanted something to be revealed that would shock me, to make me gasp and/or moan. I’d go begging the Lady in Red or chicks on OnlyFans. Yabbos always feel like the first time. But I’m revealing me. I’m not complaining. To B Revealed, Virgil

Sunday, May 26, 2024

Tale 330 ~To B Revealed, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And can I say you’re looking good… Like Six Impossible Things, I promise nothing. But no complaining.

Braxton is still gone. Now, that’s not a complaint but simply a fact. It is no insult to say that a dead fur buddy is dead. Reality shouldn’t be a shocking revelation that makes one clutch their pearls. The gasp, shock, and offense. Like people in politics. The orange man?

But you know what they’re all about. The same goes for professional wrestling. You’re alright as long as you can name who won what match. Like you need any surprises.

Like caring about what is going on in Virgil’s head. You and Braxton were simpatico. Virgil has been here 652 Days, and you still know nothing about him. That’s reality. Braxton only ignored his reality when it came to dying. Like your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 10, Or Something
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 021 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Talk about reality and be revealing about number 4 on this list. That’s what worries you. This is not a complaint; it is simply an observation. But is anyone else?

Now, you’re not Inspector Echo, but here’s a confession. Braxton gave a joy and a comfort that no woman has. You have more of an “adult” library than anyone. But you didn’t need a woman to confide in, to console you. And as long as you had enough private time to “cock your weapon.” Finding Braxton, a stepmom, could wait. Really, it couldn’t. B’s gone.

And that’s why you’re here or on OnlyFans showing off the goods, because of that “intimacy.” Peace and warmth have been lost with Braxton’s passing. What’s left? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, OR…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 021, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Virgil doesn’t bring any of that relief. How long did it take to learn about Braxton? Instead, Virgil reveals who you are. He cries at Braxton’s door. Virgil knows he can leave whenever he wants, but he’s trapped. Like you…

And if it isn’t the memory of B III, it’s your bank account. I keep saying it’s only the facts. You know something’s wrong, having your grocery list start with bread and water. Really! And that’s a big deal. Sigh!

There’s also the house and everything in it. You won’t make a list of that. But you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. At this rate, you might go through the floor. The End?

It’s no secret where you’re going. To B Revealed, Virgil

1211 Days Without B III, Day 652 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 329 ~Virgil, They’ll B Complaints~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not one for swearing… Uh, bullies, the bedroom, and that boy in the mirror. No! That’s what I call complaining. And there are so many things today. And without Braxton. I turned the “bucket” over. But they’ll return. Virgil, They’ll B Complaints.

Saturday, May 25, 2024

Tale 329 ~Virgil, They’ll B Complaints~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Which means I shouldn’t have a single thing to complain about. But until that is so…

What? I’ll become a great writer and then orator for my audiobooks. I could make thousands on OnlyFans. Yes, Lady Lunalesca, I got a chuckle from that, too. I can’t keep a straight face… Excuse me! Yes, I can keep a “Straight” face. And what about my O-face, my lady? Your visage alone has got more than one from me. But how many times did I think about “stuff and thangs” this morning? Oh, too, complain about so much beauty…

“Oh, woe is me!” That’s my usual, and it’s a heavy burden that centers around my son Braxton. Who do I turn to about my B III’s passing? The Day Job and the Man In The Mirror. No! I find myself pouring out my heart to everyone, unable to contain the weight of my grief.

And it must get annoying. Not that I care, Lunalesca.

Please! You’re not Inspector Echo, but the secret is this. It matters a lot. This explains why I’m trying to get back into the world… I suppose. Well, as much as book reviews and OnlyFans will allow. Of course, I grow bolder when I haven’t been… “Taking care of business,” per se. And that makes everything so much worse. But sigh, not today, Lady Lunalesca.

Or that’s what I told myself anyway. And for the record, there’s nothing extraordinary about today, Lu. I should go shopping, but there’s “WWE King and Queen of the Ring.”

It’s so hard, Lady Lu, but didn’t I say to “someone” that this is the reason I have bad teeth?

A lesson in keeping my mouth shut. I need to.

“The mouth is the front gate of all misfortune.” I read that in “The Gargoyle.” And speaking of books, I need something new. As a matter of fact, I need to get back into the habit of lying on the loveseat and reading. Braxton and his honorary aunt, Lady Luna.

That was my therapy. And I can’t complain about those days. Those were good times.

But even if I were to start complaining right this second, what would be the point, Lady Lunalesca? It’s like listening to some politician. But Steve from Blue’s Clues makes everyone feel “we gon’ be alright.” Complaints should go with my cries and my useless excuses. Yet I sent Braxton to the Rainbow Bridge. Virgil lives. Virgil, They’ll B Complaints

1210 Days Without B III, Day 651 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 327 ~Virgil Will B Back~

WillLeave a comment

Will my Dad get back to me? I’m sure my son asked that, as I never left his side until he got sent to Heaven. Hell! If I wanted to join B, I could talk to my father. But, I won’t see paradise. I’m a sinner, a machine, or a zombie. Virgil Will B Back.

Thursday, May 23, 2024

Tale 327 ~Virgil Will B Back~

1208 Days Without B III, Day 649 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m coming to you on Friday, May 17, 2024. But that’s not entirely accurate. Right?

1208 Days have passed since you left. I’ll say the same of 1202. Even on day 1, the silence has become more profound, turning our world into ‘A Quiet Place.’ Am I still making too much noise about things that don’t matter, Braxton? Our “lives.”

Like father, like son. You kept me safe from what goes bump in the night. Only the FEAR always comes back. Is that why you wanted to be so scary? I was only scared of you when it came to you wearing clothes. Yes, like father, like son. And don’t ask me why I’m speaking to you so late in the day. I’m sure Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or whatever is full of toys and pretty good girls. Ha-Ha! There’s nothing to be afraid of there, B III. I hope.

But this is your Home. It still pains me to utter that word. Home? Of all the things I’ve gotten wrong. Braxton, “I’m sorry I didn’t do none of it right.” But bringing you back here? Well, I did, in a way. I haven’t opened your box, tomb. Uh, casket? Since the day I got it back. I’m too terrified of losing what’s left of you. And what’s left of me, B? Your Old Man.

FEAR of my Old Man.

It shouldn’t matter, Braxton. None of this is my fault. I’m not barking my head off about any of this. Well, except with you. I yearn to feel the indifference again, Braxton. How dare I?

But I can feel it again: FEAR, FURY, and FORGETFULNESS.

That I am a man? Like I’ve ever been? Like when you would play with your toys. Or with your Aunt’s… Yabbos. I’m all too familiar with my man parts, but being your Dad is what made me a man… of sorts. And I wish whoever that was would come back. But I mistook V for you. And whoever I’m looking at in the mirror. B’s Dad isn’t coming back.

Joe Stevens was a cog in the machine. Number 14 was a performer. Clarence became a corpse. And Bingham Madsen was a sell-out. At least he had money—his comeback.

Only, I’m no leader. I’m not much of an OnlyFans “performer.” How about writing? ” I’m not Jesus or rich. Still, Virgil Will B Back.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 326 ~Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

As long as Braxton’s food and water bowls are clean. 2V isn’t doing too bad. And soon, he’ll have even more space to run around when I send DISH Network all their stuff back. And if I were a famous writer or star on OF… “Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton.”

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Tale 326 ~Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Braxton is gone. The house needs to be fixed. In the backyard, the fence is falling down, etc.

If I can survive B’s passing, I can survive anything. That’s my constant thought, Inspector.

DISH Network has nothing on the euthanasia of my furry son. Still, when you grow to know, rely, and expect something. Even when it’s crappy TV. And the Old Man told me he had to go off on them. But still, I hate myself for being the drama of everything.

That’s my problem, Inspector. I look at inconveniencing the Old Man as I look at depriving my son of his life. And at the end of the day, everything is always my fault. I know.

So, long story short… The Old Man isn’t paying a $189.00 bill. I’ll be watching wrestling a day late. And I’ll have to stream AMC.

But the most humiliating part is this: DISH looked up the records of all I’ve been watching. So, I was wasting money by not watching enough. And then the things that I did—uh, Eww!

The secrets that I try to keep Inspector. And then there are the secrets I don’t have to spit out. Yet… Spitters Are Quitters. Inspector, I’ve said I am a “Pop Culture So And So.”

Already, I’ve been catching up on so much wrestling that the Algorithm is coming after me with a vengeance. Better artificial intelligence than all the girls I’ve done wrong, ok.

There’s M Anime and Cherry. I was busy catching up with them, Inspector Echo. So? Don’t worry. Though I haven’t kept “it” in my pants. It’s only been on OnlyFans. Like Norah Jones sings, Don’t Know Why I didn’t… um

Maybe because I didn’t have my “toys.” Before B III rested on the nightstand in 2021. Before, I had to get a weapon during COVID. You know what I was doing on the daily. Ha!

Yesterday, though, there was a violent knock at the door, and I had to go into the nightstand drawer and grab my weapon. Didn’t a man lose his life a few weeks ago doing the same thing? Senior Airman Roger Fortson? I snatched my gun and went to the door.

Well, I’m alive, Inspector. But I thought about this mess of existence. I’m still alive.

Existing is messy. But Virgil’s eating. Virgil Does Dishes, Braxton

1207 Days Without B III, Day 648 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 323 ~B To Jump, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

While missing my son, I’ll have more time for gaming. I lost DISH Network… Gave it up? Either way, I didn’t want to listen to my Old Man and THEM again. So I jumped, I took the leap. But Braxton’s not doing that from Heaven… “B To Jump, Virgil.”

Sunday, May 19, 2024

Tale 323 ~B To Jump, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… How dare I call myself a man, especially with everything that went down yesterday. And you? Please!

I don’t mean to be so mean this late morning (9:40 AM). All of my mistakes must have tired you. And you woke up at two something in the morning. So, to get back to sleep, you… Well… You didn’t “rut,” Release, or rescind your oath. Somehow, someway. A miracle?

It’s called rage, grief, depression. You’re discombobulated or Bipolar… Now, don’t go calling a doctor. Seriously, don’t! You don’t have the money. So, what might help you with everything? What, besides Braxton? Every day, you must remember, Braxton Is Gone!

And Virgil? Where is he?

Not helping. But that’s not Virgil’s job… You can get into that later. But what you woke up thinking about today is video games. Oh, and those Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 9 (Is Done) Bikini Nights by Michael Dalton
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 014 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now, when you think of video games, there is one in particular, Far Cry 5. Nothing to “spicy.” Uh, Deputy Joey Hudson, Faith Seed, etc. But you wanted to play because of the 2nd Amendment. Ha-Ha! No! I had Too Much Time On My Hands. And you know what I’ve been thinking about last week. I have a joke for you. It could be a riddle. If only a question.

What do your son and your father have in common? They both make you want to disappear. I wanted to go wherever Braxton went to be with him. And I wanted to escape my father. The same action would give you both. But you’re not that far gone yet. Sigh.

If you’re scared of drowning, you can’t. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 10, Or Something
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Dude, you can’t jump and do these things. You’re too scared, STUPID, and got Too Much Sauce. Especially the kind that’s all up in your giblets and has you looking up “romantic” anime and reading Backyard Dungeon 10. That’s why your feet are firmly planted on the ground. I know you don’t want to stay, but you want to know what’s new, next and no good. It’s why you refuse to Jump Ahead to the ending of this mediocre existence.

Perhaps you’re playing the wrong game. Xbox has a B button, but you’re on PlayStation.

So if you ask anything this week… Why Braxton is gone. Or why Virgil jumps off the bed. What makes you jump (hump), do Sum Thing? B To Jump, Virgil

1204 Days Without B III, Day 645 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 322 ~What’s Plan V, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Didn’t I say something about my teeth last week? But I have no plans to go to the dentist soon. My father would just knock all my teeth out anyway. And not let me join my boy on The Rainbow Bridge. But Virgil’s still here. What’s Plan V, Braxton

Saturday, May 18, 2024

Tale 322 ~What’s Plan V, Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… But it wouldn’t even take that much to save me. And yes, I do need saving.

But before the holy rollers get all HAPPY… Eww! I’m not talking about having faith. Lunalesca, I believe in a Higher Power. As I know, my son, Braxton, has a soul. And my son deserves to be in a good place. Or he’s saving me a spot by the fire… NO! I only want HAPPY things for Braxton. I swear the word HAPPY is creeping me out. But what’s left?

My father? And no, Lunalesca, I don’t mean the heavenly sort. I’m burning up here. However, this fever won’t break anytime soon. I’m sweating with all the FEAR, Lady Lu. I’m trying to summon up the rage, righteousness, and pure unadulterated revulsion. Yes, my lady, I am almost forty. And I fear my father more than anything. Please! God, Lunalesca!

And it’s all over a STUPID satellite company. My father’s voice is filling the silence.

Because wrapping myself up in B III’s hoody and taking Virgil outside is doing nothing. Didn’t I say before the only time Virgil makes noise is to cry? He’s only following my example, Lady Lunalesca. Virgil is learning to live with these circumstances… with me.

So, as I plot and plan, failing pathetically each time. Why do I continue, Lunalesca? I am catching up on wrestling. Uh, I finished Bikini Nights earlier this morning. Stories.

Lunalesca, I’m always watching, reading, and dreaming of those who prepare, provide, and do a whole lot of “poking.” I did mention I’m all hot and sweaty peeking at por…

Never mind. What’s my plan?

Today, I need to go out shopping. Okay, with what money? “People on certain substances” don’t let that stop their habit. So, how can it stop me from buying groceries?

But if you mean over the next few days, Lady Lunalesca. I’m ready for next week with writing to the girls and Braxton. I can watch wrestling and read still.

Dad, though? That is where the rubber meets the road. Can I wait until Monday? That will already be a bad day. And what about Virgil? Welcome to Planet V.

And I don’t mean Venus or some softcore flick. Lunalesca, Virgil deserves to be happy. I’ll ask myself to Be Not So Fearful. Mice and Men. What’s Plan V, Braxton?

1203 Days Without B III, Day 644 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 320 ~What’s After B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

After B, I didn’t want a “later on.” Time stopped. So I depend on clocks a lot now. And when I sleep, besides my boy and the books I’m reading, I “think” of breathing, and I wish… But I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed. “What’s After B, Virgil”

Thursday, May 16, 2024

Tale 320 ~What’s After B, Virgil~

1201 Days Without B III, Day 642 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? I’m awake and alive, so like I tell everyone else. “I’m here.” I wish…

Well, I can’t tell you what I wish anymore. At least not here. But you know it involves seeing you again. And how might I accomplish that? I could talk to my Old Man today.

He’s threatened me plenty over the years. And I’m nearing forty. That’s far too old.

Speaking of age, how about Virgil? I took him to the veterinarian yesterday. He’ll live.

I wasn’t sure I was going to. Every time I take that path up to the counter. I can’t breathe.
But again, nearing forty, I could also have a heart attack… And with the price of so many tests, shots, and even a single dose of medicine. You should have seen the vet’s face, B.

Keeping Virgil on a regimen.

Starvation is a possibility, with Virgil’s bill approaching three hundred. Didn’t I give the Old Man two hundred the other day? Then there’s five hundred dollars. And just like that, Braxton, I’m not hungry anymore. If anything, I’m feeling sick. I know that’s not funny.

But I would rather deal with the “ghost,” you, than the monsters around me. As I hide in bed like a child. Even Virgil wanted me to be on the bed again. I’m sure his life flashed before his eyes when the vet checked him out. But I’m no closer to seeing a doctor. There was the optometrist, and neither he nor THEY remember seeing me a few months back. I’m cracking jokes. What should I do, Braxton? Besides FEAR…

Come home to you? If I call my Old Man today, I’ll be going somewhere. But it won’t be Heaven and The Rainbow Bridge. And with as much “faith” as I have that you could take over for Cerberus, I wouldn’t want you “down below.” That’s me every day, Braxton.

While I was reading this morning. You know, about Bikini Nights and not furry memorials, I had a thought. Early into my grieving, I spoke about the five stages of grief. But maybe I’m doing the nine circles of Hell, or at least the seven deadly sins. If combined, it would be Bargaining and Greed. Because everything comes back to making deals and making money. Me, being a better person? Nah! What’s After B, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad