Tag: Past

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Juneteenth… First, let me explain that I’m just a black man. And no MAGA/GOP, that isn’t a sin. My sin lies in my son Braxton’s Euthanasia. I’ll never be free of my Grief. But, fear, bad dreams, my Olds, Day Job… FREEDOM! “We’ll B FREE, Virgil.”

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And I don’t mean not keeping my promise to my son Braxton. That title sounded familiar, Inspector Echo.

FREEDOM is a significant word in my life, much like HAPPINESS or HOME. Yet, these words, these concepts, seem distant and intangible. They are mere symbols devoid of real meaning. They are like a cow’s mess, scattered and meaningless… BS

Inspector, you want a word that means anything. I can give you one, meaning everything.

Braxton. Braxton Barks Bradford. Son.

I’ve told the story of B III’s name, or at least my opinion. My Ma gave Braxton his name. Uh…

My son Braxton was named after Braxton P. Hartnabrig, a character from The Jamie Foxx Show. This character was a tall, light-skinned man with a ‘classy’ attitude. However, my son Braxton, a short, beige fluff ball, shares only his name and believes he’s superior to everyone. But he lacks the class. Ha! My brave boy.

Hence, his middle name Barks.

Now, I named Virgil after the Roman poet of the same name. Primarily because he led Dante through Hell itself. That’s another sin; I dragged Virgil down here with me.

Inspector as I speak on the sins against my sons, Braxton and Virgil. It would be remiss not to talk about the third sin that has brought us here today. And that is of FREEDOM.

Today is Juneteenth, a day of liberation and freedom long denied. So what about mine? I was “freed” from sleep because of a bad dream. I make bad financial decisions.

$139.68, that’s the exact amount of a PAYCHECK. And that’s from the last ‘good’ week. This week has been worse. The next one promises to be even more challenging. PAYCHECK, HAPPINESS, HOME, FREEDOM… These are just words, empty and meaningless. Yet, I continue to write.

Because aren’t I a writer? All words have meaning. And how else do I expect to be free, I ask!

How many hours for my last measly PAYCHECK? And at the same time, barely any hours this week. And if I had any cash, I could go on vacation for most of next week, too.

Write, Edit, Publish! That is the key to freedom, but did you see me yesterday? Inspector, you can’t say that I didn’t try. What? I didn’t try to edit one of “my” books.” My pants?

Well, I kept them on. I still have $12.00 on OnlyFans, but I need $20.00 for a payout. What’s next?

FREEDOM from everything… well, FEAR! Because Grief is going nowhere. Braxton. We’ll B FREE, Virgil

1235 Days Without B III, Day 676 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 351 ~Father To B… V~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Father’s Day? Sooner or later, I’m going to have to tell my father. And here I am, nearly forty and… Well, B III is my son, furry, four legs, and all but no less my son. But what did I provide him? A box. A pendant. What about V? Father To B… V

Sunday, June 16, 2024

Tale 351 ~Father To B… V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Not “boy,” husband, or FATHER… Uh Oh! Guess what day it is? Father’s Day. Ya-Huh. Sigh. I’m sure you understand the weight of these roles, the constant juggling, and the occasional self-doubt that comes with them. But…

“You Are Not A Caveman,” that’s rule number two. Use your own words! The Daddy voice. How many times do you have to go through the Drive-thru and be called Ma’am? Seriously! And I know you’re jonesing for a Big Mac and fries. I was on DoorDash last night. But with only $40.00? Funny, Huh? That’s your budget until payday. Ok! How will you live?

How does a man live? But you are not a man… Wait a minute! Fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. Fair enough. And what does a man do, Will? A man provides for his family.

And where is your family? Where is your son… sons? Braxton is in a box. While Virgil should be one of my Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 11, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, at least I read one book about a man becoming a father. And with what you’re reading now… Please don’t let the Dad be the bad guy. So, you think that now, while you quote lines from “Breaking Bad.” But you would have done anything to save your son.

Think about your father, Will. He does everything for you, even if you don’t acknowledge it. He’s just not trying to save you necessarily. But he’s keeping you alive. He’s given you the freedom to be a lazy bum with a house. Yet, you struggle with the simple act of saying Happy Father’s Day. Reflect on that for a while.

Daddy Issues? The Bible says, “Honor thy father and thy mother.” It also says to “rather fear Him that is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Uh, my Father… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Your dream? Well, one in particular is to be a father. More, a daddy, and with that, to become a man. It pops up from time to time… Uh, eww! You blame Phoebe Cates’s red bikini in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High.” There’s Cherry’s lingerie and lips. Arelia the maid… Special K, who was my actual maid. M Anime, Kelly Kapowski, Kimberly Hart, Leia Organa, Topanga Lawrence, and you can go on. Eat your heart out, Christian Gray; you have a type and a dream. Yes, one of being on a beach with your wife and children to be called Daddy. But it’s so far away. Git Up, Get Out, and make these dreams a reality… You were Braxton’s Dad. Virgil? Father To B… V

1232 Days Without B III, Day 673 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 350 ~Spacing B And V~

WillLeave a comment

You can’t take the sky from me. Or there’s, “Just look up. There is no place to hide. True love doesn’t die.” I swear, the things I remember about my B, and then I space out logging in. I long to be wherever Braxton is. But here I am. Spacing B And V

Saturday, June 15, 2024

Tale 350 ~Spacing B And V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… but that’s only part of the dream, Lunalesca. There’s unconditional love. A woman, children, and dogs…

And I should stop lying. Lady Lunalesca, I want to be involved in the ‘Stuff & Thangs’ regarding women. By this, I mean activities like Cosplay, Filming, and even Brothels… I remember Dennis Hof and his dog Domino. Speaking of dogs, there’s a reason my Braxton didn’t have any siblings until after he passed. Keeping up with two, Lunalesca… Was I really going to say that Virgil is enough for me? He tries a lot.

Braxton though… Ask me where my heart is. How about what I would sell my soul for, Lu? And there’s another part of me, a dirty and “sinful” part, that I wish I could give up. It’s a part that brings me pleasure, but I don’t believe I deserve it.

But as forgetful as I’ve become lately, I’ll always remember Yabbos. In particular, Whitney Wright’s Yabbos. That’s who I was DMing this morning, anyway… Really?

Why do you think I share my feelings with you, my Little Braxton’s “Spirit,” and the Man in the Mirror? Because I feel stupid and old. I’m becoming forgetful. And I space out, Lady Lu.

Take yesterday, for example. I forgot a simple login for something I use every day, Lunalesca. It slipped my mind, and it’s not the first time. This forgetfulness is becoming a regular occurrence, and it’s worrying me. But afterward, I was able to rattle off a plethora of movies that I wanted to watch again. Before that, there was OnlyFans. Like I’ve said, I have been around. One problem though…

Yeah! I forgot that I didn’t have any money. But that didn’t stop me from remembering “Prom Night.” Not “my” prom, but the Whitney Wright film. And that’s where the last of my OnlyFans account went. Don’t forget to cancel…

It’s like my mind is the universe. Uh! Lu, I give myself way too much credit but hear me out.

Braxton, my son, was my Sun. Everything went around him. But without B III, Luna.

Now Virgil drifts between being a new sun and Mercury. He’s far from the light I need, but sometimes he keeps me warm. But Lunalesca, the black hole… Braxton’s passing is a constant source of grief that I can’t escape.

Women are from Venus, right? They’re hot and dangerous. And between me and my boys…

Earth is me. Again, I give myself too much credit. And again, I’ve been spacing out. It feels like I can’t breathe, Luna. And I’m not sure I want to. I can’t remember how sometimes.

I could continue. The black calls… Spacing B And V.

1231 Days Without B III, Day 672 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

WillLeave a comment

When did I last call Virgil a Good Boy/Good Puppy? Didn’t he just “GO” outside? If only I got paid for a bodily function… Eww! But I did make 12 bucks on OnlyFans. And 40 as the employee of the month. That’s not good… “Virgil, B Good, Only”

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

1229 Days Without B III, Day 670 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? These past few days, for me. To quote a famous dog owner… Good Grief! Braxton.

I need you now more than ever. Only that’s a lie. Tomorrow is coming, B. Then the next day. And the day after, and the day after that. I should have followed you, like always. But knowing how bad I am on the inside – Anger, Depression, Yabbos, etc. And the outside isn’t any better, B. Cameras, mirrors, my eyes…

Remember your bath times, Braxton? I started handing you over to the groomers, not wanting to be mad at you. Those were the good times, Braxton. I recently came across a video of one of those baths. I cried. It’s amazing how much can change in just a few days.

One Thursday morning, you stopped crying, and I figured you needed a check-up, B III.

Then, on a Sunday afternoon, I hear the word Euthanasia, and my Old Man asks: “Are you getting a new dog?” That’s your grandpa for you, B. Oh! And that BBQ I went to on Sunday. I swear you wouldn’t have tolerated your cousins. But free food B III. Ha!

That was the only good financial decision I’ve made in quite a while. Did you see what I did yesterday? Or instead, what I didn’t do. Eww! But still ten bucks for a girl that’s not Cherry. Not even close.

Only she won’t be painting the town red. And I need new books. Ok, no, I don’t, but B III. You know, better than most.

It was good when we lied together, and I read “appropriate” stuff, Braxton. It’s one of the reasons you are so bright. Reading was/is Heaven. But seeing it? No! That was no good at all. Then again, how would I know? You could be hugged up by a girl with a “pretty face, a firm backside, and big (Yabbos) like casaba melons.” Yes, that’s from Coming To America, but still…

Braxton, that would be the “Good Life,” wouldn’t it? But M Anime, Cherry, your “honorary” aunt. Your Daddy is not a good person, B. I’m a very sad one. But for how much longer? Virgil is trying. He’s even back to sleeping in the bed with me. Virgil sees a Bad Moon Rising. Maybe he is courageous. Me? My Mood: Depressing. Virgil, B Good, Only…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

WillLeave a comment

This is no game; this is no drill. Battle Stations! Um, Abandon Ship… from my brief stint in the Navy. I’ve cried so many tears. Sweated bullets. And let’s not talk about other bodily fluids. I’m supposed to exist in “this.” But no Codes B And V

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Have I spent too much money… AGAIN! Last time I checked, Virgil is alive and “physically” well. Mentally?

Well, here on this Wednesday, June 5, 2024… V’s probably sitting on the stairs, too scared to come down. So was Braxton on that Sunday, January 31, 2021. Even if he had wanted to, which he didn’t. My son was way too sick. Dying actually. A red alert, dear Echo.

Fears like losing another fur buddy have me like Tris from Divergent. Fear keeps me up longer than any energy drink. And when Braxton was here, I could face it head-on. I found courage for my son because of my son. Someone asked, If you wanted to share your soulmate pet’s life story and you only had six words, what would they be?” My answer:

“You and me, against the world.” A father and son.

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.” Divergent

Should it worry me that I’ve written two full-blown novels for Braxton? And I’m doing nothing with them, Inspector? But six little words on the fly fit me and B III easily. Shame on me.

What about the fact that 2V has been here for 669 days? And he and I still haven’t bonded. That’s a cause for a red alert if I’ve ever heard one. General Quarters, Battle Stations!

Virgil and I are pretty decent. I should save that for my Old Man. Did I call him yet? Hmm.

There’s the alarm for when I go to the Day Job. Humiliations Galore! Inspector Echo.

Whenever the next “tragedy” strikes. As in Virgil making a mess. To the fence falling. What about DISH Network, Inspector?

I swear! I will stop talking about that because what was I watching anyway? Inspector, what have I been watching for the past few minutes? It should be a red flag or alert that I’m always angry, afraid, and amorous at any given point and time. And as far as being “amorous…” A safe word? I need some code words. Or I should stop talking because I’m the only one ever in trouble. Critical writing, Inspector. The sounds of silence.

Only when I’m in the duvet, dead, or being disgusting. And when I’m disgusting Echo. Now that’s an alert I can do without when I’m about to… well, Inspector… Eww!

Deciding how to exist was easier once. But Red Alert… no Codes B And V

1228 Days Without B III, Day 669 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 344 ~That’ll B 666, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. I was done with God when Braxton died. Since Braxton’s gone, I’m not kneeling to my son. And Virgil wishes I was on the floor with him. Then there’s my Olds… Bend the knee. That’ll B 666, Virgil.

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Tale 344 ~That’ll B 666, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you don’t have the mark of the beast upside your forehead yet. And speaking of beast…

Braxton’s been gone for 1225 days. You don’t believe that Euthanasia is the “good death.” But compared to how you’re existing or only feeling right this second… You’d take it. That’s why your son was/is a better man. Because even in the end, all he wanted was to live. Braxton wanted to come home with you. Only he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. Ha!

Not cool. Not funny. Braxton died on a Sunday. And Virgil has met a milestone… Uh, you think so. Virgil has been here 666 days. He’s yet to become a beast or even your son.

And what about you? As hard as I am on you, do you really want to go “home” to those people? Better to stay and contemplate these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Survival Guide to Pet Loss: How to Manage Grief
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yet going home is not one of them. Do you remember 2023’s Christmas Day? No! You blocked that memory out as best you can. Humiliations Galore and whatnot, my dude.

Tomorrow will be full of them, so why ruin a perfectly good Sunday? Because Sundays have been different since Little Braxton’s passing. But it’s always been full of the dead.

Braxton knew every Sunday to shut up because of The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead. And speaking of the braindead, isn’t wrestling coming on tonight? Roxanne Perez’s fight and The Women’s North American Title match. (Cue Homer drooling). Seriously!

You’d give that up to go home, wherever that is to Braxton. And not to your Olds. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 11, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Do you stay or do you go? If the holy rollers are right, choosing between taking the mark of the beast or not is an easier decision. Again, you can always choose to join Braxton.

Last week, besides thinking of some Yabbos. I was thinking of joining my boy. Today? You won’t go that far. But do you stay sitting in bed and face the consequences of rejecting your Olds? Or do you fall deeper into your Depression and go? You could take Virgil Vivi.

Yeah, subject him to people. Indeed, what makes a monster, and what makes a man? A beast. Everyone wants to be a beast until it’s time to do what beasts do. And that’s… FIGURE IT OUT! That’ll B 666, Virgil

1225 Days Without B III, Day 666 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 343 ~Virgil, Better B Better~

WillLeave a comment

The last time, I was the “best” at something. I got $40.00! And I’m paid so little I didn’t notice it on the check. I didn’t know until the end of the month when I was told to sign the paperwork. To be a better Father, Friend… Virgil, Better B Better

Saturday, June 8, 2024

Tale 343 ~Virgil, Better B Better~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Finding out that poor people are getting money. Trump didn’t get elected. Riding to the Titanic…

In other words, I’m sad. I’m suffering from Bipolar Disorder… Where’d I get a PhD? Lunalesca, I’m a father still mourning and/or grieving my fur child. My son, my Braxton.

I’m sure there’s an explanation of the differences between mourning and grieving in many books on loss. But not in the Hannah Bennett title I finished this morning. And if you’re asking why I’m so late. It’s 9:40 AM. I woke up around 2:30ish with all the lights on. I’m still one of those Wake Up at 4:00 AM types. So, I finished Hannah’s book and then moved on to Logan Jacobs. Oh yeah! I’m on day one again after falling to some P.Y.T. Sigh.

As if (pulls out list) Night Elves, Half-Demons, Orcs, Goblins, Spirans, and Succubi are better.

Drama is one thing, but crazy is something else. I’m trying to keep that to a minimum, Lady Lunalesca. Save that to the fairytales. Yeah, Tinkerbelle… “Where Is My Mind?”

Lunalesca, it shouldn’t be in another book about crying over furry angels. And yes, I know you’re not Lady Sophia, “my librarian.” Today, I’m trying to figure out why I feel heartbroken again. It’s not like it ever stops. But I could handle it till a few days ago. Again, I’m reading about “pet loss,” but I’ve done that plenty of times. Nothing works. And as I’ve said, I’ve fallen asleep to find the house bathed in light. I’ve missed dinner at least twice. I find myself getting angry. RAGE

RAGE beats FEAR, no doubt. I keep reading about The Five Stages of Grief. Acceptance? Lunalesca, we’ve established I’ll never reach that. Tiptoeing with the idea, but as far as…

“May I Have This Dance?” Never, Lady Luna! I absolutely positively refuse. Not B III. I refuse to accept that he’s gone, that his memory is fading. With all my might, I will hold on to every precious memory, bark, and wag of his tail.

And that’s why Virgil Vivi is not better. Because I’m not better. The day I got him is coming up in a couple of months “Gotcha Day.” I still remember spotting the three black dots along Virgil’s back. The brown around his eyes, the color of Braxton’s coat. “Braxton’s bark” of, “I couldn’t make this more black and white. Bonus points for using puppy pads.

Lunalesca, I should be making Virgil’s life better. Braxton’s? My existence? Virgil, Better B Better

1224 Days Without B III, Day 665 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 341 ~Virgil, Braxton Begins To…~

WillLeave a comment

This is what you get when you stay wrapped in blankets. And the new guy, the new dog, follows suit. Uh? Virgil’s been here 663 Days. And I’ve mourned Braxton way more than that. Can Little B III ever enjoy peace? Which one? Virgil, Braxton Begins To…

Thursday, June 6, 2024

Tale 341 ~Virgil, Braxton Begins To…~

1222 Days Without B III, Day 663 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Even when I’m not at the Day Job. I plan on the day unraveling anyway.

Or is that just me climbing out of the blankets? To think, Braxton, I never noticed us growing older. I wasn’t old enough to keep up with you, though. And I’m much too old for…

Take your pick. I was talking to Dear Future Wife today. You know the mom you never got to meet. And it’s doubtful I’ve met her between Friday, May 24, 2024, and now, B III.

Anyway, I was talking to her. As usual, I asked her this question. ‘Where’d You Go?’ Not about her. And I know, Braxton, I should love her better. If I loved everyone the way I loved you… I think of who you became. And what I could become. Keep my eyes off the sky, right?

But anyway I was asking, where were you? It’s been 1222 days, and I can still see your Heaven, plain as day. It’s one big fluffy bed with all our snacks and fast food. Yummy!

Do forgive me, Braxton. It’s been a long day, and I haven’t eaten because… Existing… Always existing instead of living, and we’ll get to that, but anyway, Monsieur Baby B.

Heaven’s big bed will have more substantial food for you on one side. You know, like on the high holy days. There was Thanksgiving, E-Day, and Christmas. Your Birthday, Braxton. Now, the other side would have all the treats you were supposed to have. And whatever I gave you when taking your medications. You know it still irks me, B.

You were taking all these heart medications. But your kidneys had you jumping off the bed to everlasting sunshine. If you’re not eating in paradise, you’ve jumped off the foot of the bed, and you’re sunbathing. The Rainbow Bridge, Braxton?

When will I see you again? Will I ever? Only you’re asking when will I begin to live. And not just exist. The philosopher, professor, and my little praetorian guard. I know I read enough books while you slept. So yeah, you would be pretty smart now, my son. Ha-Ha.

Looks at my reading list…

When does Virgil begin his watch? When does ACCEPTANCE begin? NEVER! When do I stop asking for your wings and LIVE? It won’t be this week, Virgil, Braxton Begins To…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 340 ~Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated~

WillLeave a comment

Wake Up! Yes, I hate bright lights. Yes, I would rather bask in the darkness than see in the light of day I’ve wasted 39 years. Yes, people are horrible. But try waking up every morning to… Sigh… “Humiliations Galore.” Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Tale 340 ~Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Losing Braxton, waking up before and after losing Braxton. There’s also taking off my pants, peeking at Yabbos.

The usual morning. However, I haven’t looked in the mirror yet, which is a blessing.

Yesterday, I got caught up in a motivational speech. It said something to the tune of 90% of success in life… or was it 80%? Anyway, 90% is just showing up. And the other 10% to 20% is, what for. Now say it with me, Inspector Echo. AHEM, Humiliations Galore!

Inspector, I wondered as I waited for Virgil to do his business this morning. He’s been going in the house, so why bother sitting here for twenty minutes? Am I trying to teach him at all? He looks at me as though he expects something. Hopefully, it’s not what I did to Braxton on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Uh, Euthanasia?

You’ll have to forgive me, Inspector. Between reading another fur buddy book, “The Survival Guide to Pet Loss.” And now having another E for “E-Day.” Euthanasia, in addition to Emergence, Existence, and Extinction. I don’t want to be FORTY, Inspector.

And I won’t be for a while yet… if ever. But it’s approaching. And that is what brings me to you today. As I’ve been saying for a few days. I’m not complaining. But I’m not as horrible as Tucker Carlson when just asking questions. Echo, I’m observing and explaining.

Every morning, I wake up saying I’m a sinner. But that’s not because of a religious doctrine, my friend. I say it because I know the “man” that I am. It ain’t a good one.

Braxton and Virgil, though… my boys. Why should they share my fear, failure, and fire?

Braxton was humiliated when my Old Man kicked him four feet high into a door. And then, when he ran to me. His tail was between his legs. And yet he turned and barked defiantly as I held a knife between us and my approaching Old Man. My son B III was/is a brave boy and the best “man” I’ve known. Even to the end, when he was dying, he was humiliated he couldn’t stay.

Virgil might not want to. His humiliation lies in the fact he can’t figure me out. I don’t know how to love him. That’s the both of us. But when I wake up, Inspector, I know. Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated

1221 Days Without B III, Day 662 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 337 ~Virgil, To B Quiet~

WillLeave a comment

Talking to myself today? I was much too tired earlier? I was at 3 AM with all the lights on and cut them off to wake up at 4. Virgil was silent the whole time. A quiet little life. My existing. That’s too much noise. Ask my son, B. Virgil, To B Quiet

Sunday, June 2, 2024

Tale 337 ~Virgil, To B Quiet~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you’re hoping to adopt Virgil’s stance on the matter. Not a sound or a sickening feeling.

And not one second to waste complaining. Make that this week’s goal. A wish right now… If you had one of those, it would be to bring Braxton back. ‘Had I known how to save a life?’ And what is Virgil? I won’t say I saved his life. No, far from it. But he is still here and quiet. What does that mean for me?

Well, he isn’t decorating the floor with all the rainbow colors. So yes, he’ll live. You could learn from him. That brings us to today. Yes, Braxton is still gone. But to learn from Virgil.

Keeping your mouth shut, 101.

And I’m sorry to say you’ve already failed. Or you will on Monday. Tuesday? Whatever.

It’s another sign of manhood. Producing children. The right to remain silent. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, OR…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 021, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But Virgil doesn’t have the “equipment.” He’ll never have to worry about being a pappy. And the right to remain silent only applies to particular men since “This Is America.” And I’m sorry I ended your streak regarding number four. Once looking at an Irish chick. Then there was Cherry’s melons (Homer drool). And Sophitia and Cassandra (Greek Women From The Soul Calibur Series). I can blame M Anime, Michael Dalton, and Eric Vall for those two blondes. The only time I go international. Entertainment…

This isn’t you complaining, though. I am telling you what I observed this week. Sigh.

Besides Virgil making all kinds of mess, I’m sure he only wants to feel better. So what about you? Virgil can’t tell you what he wants. What are your ideas? Ha-Ha! Besides, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Still Waiting To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re only trying to listen, which is harder than it looks. Please! Virgil is lying on his pillow, and you’re sitting in bed. One of you is learning from the other. Now, my little boy Braxton knew better. Little loudmouth.

So you want to hear Braxton’s voice again. Is that it? And what would he say about your existence? Would he be like the knights of old and say, “Never give up the quest.” Yourself? Honestly, you would prefer not to hear anything else ever again. “Mad World,” dreams in which you’re dying… But Virgil…

Whenever you leave, he cries. And that’s saying a lot. And you say far too much, so you need to publish a book. You’re not complaining but “observing” five months of making so much noise. Learn! Virgil, To B Quiet

1218 Days Without B III, Day 659 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will