Tag: Knowledge

Journey 154 ~Love B Later, Virgil~

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The things we forget about during the day. Good Night, Good Luck? More like goodbye to the penniless author… I checked. The horny dude? This morning eww! No, I am “The Walking Dead,” and I say goodbye and R.I.P. to me, but… Love B Later, Virgil.

Tuesday, December 2, 2025

Journey 154 ~Love B Later, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love you. I’ll see you later. But do I ever say goodbye? I’m Irish…

As in an Irish Goodbye. I only say goodbye to one person. You’re looking at him. A “crazy” thought, right? What about a sad one… Or two. I remember saying goodbye to Braxton on his literal deathbed. And I don’t remember saying it at all on Sunday, August 24, 2025. Only Alanah Rae in My Wife’s Hot Friend Vol. 12 Big Boob Edition. My love.

You know me. I’m the effing Sherlock Holmes of Adult Films. And I’m feeling… Gross.

Always in the mood for you, my beloved, but icky. Stress Release? Whatever for love?

Are we getting married again? Are you pregnant? V is “Safe and Sound,” thanks, Taylor.

My love, this is my third business week and possibly my last. Last week was…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Excruciating, emasculating, and freaking effed. Do you remember our wedding day, my love? Ok, you have lots of reasons to be mad at me, but please hear me out. I’ll never be a Christian man, but I do subscribe to that Bible verse, “Love is patient, love is kind,” etc.

Love is not STUPID, honestly, that my love is one of my greatest fears. Being STUPID. Because STUPIDITY kills, it’s what triggers my anxiety. And I love you and our family. I tell Virgil later because one day I may love him, not like Braxton, but with no less love.

“It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.”
The Merovingian, The Matrix Revolutions

“My will is stronger than my heart. Do you think I put so high a price on my feelings? They’ll pass. My will holds me to my course through life,”
Queen Guinevere, First Knight (1995)

Ahh! I understand how Guinevere felt about King Arthur in comparison to Lancelot in First Knight. I don’t love my work, but I say, “later.”

Or I don’t say anything at all. If you can’t say something nice and all that… But who do I say goodbye to? Me. And the thought that came over me today… Besides myself, eww!

Anyway, I thought about the times you had to do it. Again, like Lancelot asking Guinevere to forget who she was. When you covered your face with a veil, you were one woman, and when it was removed, you were my woman, my wife. You can be a monster… and I’m your “Savage,” thank you, Whethan. You’re strong, sexy, smart, and oh so sinful, lover.

However, with that, it takes only the thought of tomorrow, and I say goodbye to myself. Why? I’m Afraid! Always, Forever. Love B Later, Virgil.

1766 Days Without B III, Day 1207 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 153 ~Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s~

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This all sounds too familiar, blah, blah, blah, days to be worried. Blah, blah, blah, the moment. Blah, blah, blah, family. Someday I won’t have to worry about any of it. But I didn’t get lucky today. “Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s.”

Monday, December 1, 2025

Journey 153 ~Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… “Day ‘N’ Nite.” I know, Dad, you would much rather have some pretty girl. My Favorite Girl? She’s married.

You humans and your connections. And M Anime… I wish we both could’ve been there.

That someday you were always telling me about. My stepmom, Virgil, and some two-legged siblings. Someday, a “real” family. But we already were/are a family. You, me, my little brother V., and whoever else shows up, someday. Or last night, as you lie dreaming about the door, crashing, collapsing, more like crumbling. What was trying to get in, Daddy? I miss the days after I’d sit on your face and you’d finally wake up, Dad.

Some days, “It’s A Sunshine Day.” Others, it’s “The Long Walk.” Today, what was it?

Frigid, fun less, and always fearful. But a different type of FEAR. The kind I couldn’t fight… The Bad Place.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Another someday. You would tell me one day that you would never go back. After me…

Daddy, you never blamed me for leaving or the pokey people, or Higher Powers…

Honestly, Daddy, you only blamed yourself and The Bad Place. And the next day you went right back there. And that’s how you’ve been feeling for the last couple of weeks. If you go back and the mean people there say they don’t want you, what does it mean, Dad?

That the RAGE you felt, that you tried to protect me from, meant nothing. You could have been here with me. You could have saved me… And what about Virgil? With everything you’ve done without The Bad Place, what future does V have? What someday?

“Truth is singular. Its ‘versions’ are mistruths.”
Sonmi-451, Cloud Atlas

Is that what was trying to break down the door last night in your head? The truth? Which truth would you like? We’re not MAGA with “alternative facts.” Effing Cracker Hats, and FDT! I know, Daddy, language. But you are an honest man, my father. And you raised honest men, V and me, fur and all. V’s not afraid of being afraid. And you, Dad?

Start with something small, like my brother. Why did he get the name Virgil Vivi?

  1. Guided Dante Through Hell
  2. Black Mage FF IX
  3. 2B, Black-and-White, NieR: Automata
  4. 2E, Executioners, You, Work

Someday, you won’t believe that last one. “Gotta Knock a Little Harder,” I guess. Because someday we gon be “Alright” Dad. Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s

“You’re better to take it a day at a time, is all I’m saying. If people just took it a day at a time, they’d be a lot happier.
The Long Walk ― Richard Bachman

“Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.”
Aeneas ― The Aeneid

1765 Days Without B III, Day 1206 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

As the song goes, “Death Is Not The End.” I’m not a religious person. And I’m dumber than most. But I still talk to my firstborn son every week. And I have enough trauma from the Day Job that I’ll never forget that place. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

Friday, November 28, 2025

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Not a review? I’ve caught up a little on my reading. Day Job? That comes later.

But the FEAR is here. And what do I compare it to? Isn’t it Ironic, it feels like B… dying?

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Braxton, my son, is not a coward. That would be his scaredy-cat, skeevy, and STUPID father. Did I mention STUPID? Again, we’ll get to that Lady Sophia. But when did Braxton’s story end? Was it covered in syrup as he dug into “my” French Toast? Was it wrapped around my sister’s bedpost? How about when I told him to get in the car? His choice. Was it standing in front of me, teeth bared at his grandpa, ready to fight and die for me? Was it walking to his water bowl, trying to prove he was okay? Crawling into my lap? Looking into my eyes…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I swear I haven’t cried after losing M Anime three months ago. And the Day Job has me scared to death. But it takes Braxton to bring on the tears. His One Shining Moment, hmm.

But he only died once? Virgil and I… I named him after Virgil, of course, the man who guided Dante. Vivi was a black mage from Final Fantasy IX with a short lifespan. And Virgil’s already as white as a ghost… And he and I wake up thinking, why would we wake up? Effing dumb! It’s “Christmas Time in Hell.” Please don’t remind me. Tears?

Honestly, how will I pick out the Christmas Erotica I want to read? Didn’t I eff that tradition when MAGA took office? You remember Sophia:

  1. Brave New World
  2. 1984
  3. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  4. It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis
  5. WE by Yevgeny Zamyatin

A lot of good it did me. STUPID as I am, I didn’t understand my Ma asking me to come and pick up Virgil, and my Thanksgiving dinner. Yesterday, Thanksgiving was catered by the food truck up the street. And of course, all the stores were closed. And Black Friday!

I’m not walking into any store today. And I’m trying to understand the words “Unexcused Absence Exception” since I didn’t go into the Day Job this morning. But I did get all dolled up, and why? Broke, Fired, and Unemployed are words I know, Sophia.

Or do I? Panic Attack, Anxiety, how about love? Would I have done it for Braxton? What did Meatloaf sing:

That’s The End. Fatherhood. Manhood. Braxton. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

“And I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that
I won’t do that.”
Song by Meat Loaf ‧ 1993

1762 Days Without B III, Day 1203 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

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Here I am, this is me. And while Braxton and Virgil would “Stand By Me,” for “The Long Walk” I have to take today. I’ll still be “The Running Man.” Because I’m feeling more like Winston Smith and the rats… Room 101. Virgil, Braxton Calls It

Wednesday, November 26, 2025

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I could prattle on about the usual, but the main sin happens… Well, I have thirty minutes. Maybe.

Make the call. Make that change—literally, Inspector. I can go to the Day Job, what Braxton calls “The Bad Place,” and be a ‘better’ man, be belittled because of the Panic Attack that is happening, or just barf all over the place. Eww! I’m going to be sick, Echo.

I’m willing it. Hell! I was very much so with everything that happened yesterday, Echo.

I don’t have to do this… Make the call. I can’t go in. I CAN’T DO THIS. Make the call.

But if I make that call, it will change my existence. And what about Virgil? He needs to eat. I didn’t eat till midnight, being so sick. If I lose the Day Job, Virgil and I will both understand Braxton.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

Starvation? “Desperate for changing, starving for truth.” “Hanging By A Moment”

Inspector, indeed I am. I’ve said I’ll always choose the physical pain over any mental anguish. My Braxton was the same way. He would rather stay and wither away beside me than think about leaving me. And Virgil? Well, he’s in Braxton’s room, hiding?

Inspector, neither one of us wants to deal with our bosses. But if I don’t go today, what about Black Friday? Thanksgiving indeed. Did you see my last paycheck, Inspector?

Everything has taken a backseat to this moment. The back fence falling, being broke, not wanting to leave this bed. Even Braxton, which is the greatest sin of all, Inspector.

Forgetting my firstborn son? Never! Being sad or being SCARED?

I’ll take damn near anything over FEAR, which is why I’m right here, phone ready.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.”
Man in the Mirror, Song by Michael Jackson

Inspector, what should I do? I heard once that you should flip a coin. For the second, it’s in the air; you know what you truly want. Belly or head? Eww! I’m not in the least bit horny, but me being me, I was thinking about sex and/or a blowjob. But my belly says be sick and stay here. My head says, they’re looking for any excuse to fire you. Physical and mental seem to be together. I’m shaking, my stomach hurts, I’m sweating, and my mind is ripping apart knowing what this will all mean. “Panic Attack” Inspector Echo!

Seriously, am I calling or not? Virgil, Braxton Calls It.

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. I won’t do that.”
I’d Do Anything for Love

1760 Days Without B III, Day 1201 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 147 ~B’s An Option, Virgil~

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There was no option between Braxton and me but to love. Always and forever. Even when he was starving and couldn’t eat a thing, there was always his wanting to “Lay Be Me” like his name was Ruben. I’m “trying” not to join him. “B’s An Option, Virgil”

Tuesday, November 25, 2025

Journey 147 ~B’s An Option, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than my Braxton? What about my bed? Whether I have a billion or bucks.

I’ve made my decision. Today was a disaster. And dammit, I’m up. Not like that…

Honestly, I want to go back to sleep… Permanently with everything that has happened today.

Where do I even begin? How did I become HIS father? My firstborn son, Braxton Barks Bradford. How did I become your husband? And how about his and hers? Children?

Again, I return to where our marriage started to show “options.” Sunday, August 24, 2025. Hell, it was before that, Sunday, January 31, 2021. In August, we lost ourselves. In January, I lost HIM… Braxton.

Braxton, my firstborn, “My Sweet Lord,” and my everything until… You. And I made the same promise. Always and forever. Forever and Always. Then there are days like this. “Mama said there’ll be days like…”

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

This? My mama wasn’t like “The Man” from Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road.” “I’m Thinking of Ending Things” is a movie title and not an idea that drones on and on. Winston Smith, weighing his options and knowing the inevitable conclusion. Like him, all I have to do is “transfer to paper the interminable restless monologue that had been running inside his(my) head, literally for years.” That was never an option for me, either, my “Sweet Love.” Loving my boy, well, boys with Virgil. Our children. You. And since I first wrote my name, the written word. The only option for me has been loving myself.

Somehow, today I find myself hating myself even more than usual. Is that possible? Always.

Why is that, you ask?

Ask yourself why you are still “Dear Future Wife,” and here I am, forty-one, somehow. No, not somehow, the truth of the matter is your husband is C for Coward, D for Deviant, and F for Failure—a and B? Archie, Virgil’s “first” name. Braxton, my Ma named him, ha!

And what about E? Enough? That’s what I’m contemplating right this second because of “Tomorrow.” As Salif Keita sings, I don’t understand it, but it’s going to be sad, love. Braxton always knows about “The Bad Place.” Virgil cries for me. And tomorrow no one will “Stand By Me.” Not for The Long Walk I must endure. I’ll be “The Running Man” for sure. Panic Attacks aren’t optional, Depression, Anxiety, FEAR… B’s An Option, Virgil.

1759 Days Without B III, Day 1200 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 146 ~Daddy, B, V, She~

WillLeave a comment

There are too many days I’m worried about. Braxton lived moment to moment. I promised him… A good Dad? I tried to be. Siblings? Well, Virgil was the first. A step-mom and two-legged siblings. It’s been three months since my breakup. Daddy, B, V, She.

Monday, November 24, 2025

Journey 146 ~Daddy, B, V, She~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Don’t believe me? You haven’t cried all day. Not even for M Anime. Your third month without her. Me?

That’s all it took for your eyes to glaze over. You would have listened to my playlist all day and been bawling your eyes out. But like father and son, right? Or from King Ezekiel.

“And yet, I smile. For we will mine glory from the rock of struggle this day. We will honor and protect this… this bastion of life in a land of the dead, and we will win. You trust the king… we will win. I smile… I laugh… I rejoice this day… for on this day, we are joined in purpose and vision… we are of a singular heart and mind. On this day, we are one!”
King Ezekiel, Some Guy

Honestly, today is the closest we’re getting to “that week.” The ending of January 2021. I’m supposed to be the one who makes you feel better, Dad. And neither one of us likes thinking about that week. But I remember. You didn’t think I knew, but I did, my father.

It helped me to take my mind off myself. I worried about you, and you were trying not to hurt me because there was such… RAGE. You were never bad. You simply kept your distance. Virgil is just like me.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Distance meant my brother and I slept at the foot of the bed instead of right next to you, Dad. You even had to play sick today because I think you’ve decided what to do.

Wednesday, Friday? You got Chicken Noodle Soup and Sprite. Black parenting. I remember when you were really sick, and I would lie beside you. Virgil again is very much the same. And M Anime. She was gone before E-Day, Virgil’s Birthday, and whatever is going on now. The Bad Place? We both hate the Bad Place? But you would tell me that’s how you got me French Fries, so you had to go there even if it k*lled you Dad. And if you go in on Wednesday or Friday… Don’t think that… To join me.

Heart attack, stroke, and any other disease that MAGA and the Cracker Hats have unleashed. I was there for the entire Trump term. FDT! But this isn’t about them, Daddy.

Today isn’t even about M Anime. She’s been gone three months, and she gets nothing.

“I’ve been gone, I’ve been gone for way too long.” “Only God Knows Why,” or as you would say, only Braxton knows why. Today is “All About You.” Again, like father, like son. Or more like the tunes of Jeymus Samuel and “The Book Of Clarence.” What about your book, my father? My book. Virgil will get one someday. M Anime has several. And why? Because of the Day Job. You’re scared, seething, but also somebody. Daddy, B, V, She

“I really don’t want the end of creation to be my fault.”
Succubus Lord 3

“Evil is nourished and grows by concealment.”
― The Aeneid

1758 Days Without B III, Day 1199 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 143 ~Braxton And Virgil Turn-In~

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I haven’t read about anyone taking my Day Job shifts. Am I anxious to read my Day Job walking papers? What do I know? I was reading the wrong book today. And if I intend to finish my one book a week… But if I don’t work… “Braxton And Virgil Turn-In.”

Friday, November 21, 2025

Journey 143 ~Braxton And Virgil Turn-In~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… That’s assuming I can still read. Do I still have the money to buy more books?

As of this moment… Yes. Even if I’m reading the wrong book. And Braxton knows what’s going to happen on Wednesday. I’m still STUPID, sad, and scared out of my effing mind, my lady. And speaking of ladies, wanking off to some girl making out with her boyfriend isn’t helping. Eww! Sounds like something I’d read in a book not meant for B and V.

Happy memories? You know I don’t do happy Sophia. But I was reading books featuring Cuckoldry, Netorare/NTR, and Harems long before my “Relationship” with M Anime even began. And now I think I keep going because much like reading about fur buddies passing away, reading about voyeurism, lovers being used, exhibitionists, and yes, harems, there’s something therapeutic about it, Sophia.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But then again, no 150-word Depression cap. I’ll be as sad as I want to be over my B III. The way he and Virgil do now, sleep when I’m reading things they shouldn’t read and things I don’t want to read. Although what I was reading this morning… Accidental.

“Pledged To Him 7” by Neil Bimbeau. Except I never read “Pledged To Him 6.” Seriously, my lady, my boys aren’t the only ones who need to turn in. Not that I sleep well, Sophia.

I look at the alarm clock as prisoners must do on their last day. Someone said love doesn’t tell time, but neither does FEAR. Every minute and every moment. Sorry, McVries.

Honestly, Sophia, like Peter McVries from “The Long Walk.”

“Don’t think about making it to the end. Think about making it to the next moment,”
McVries, The Long Walk

“He lost his appetite for the carrot.”
The Long Walk

I’m more like Stebbins. But it isn’t that I lost my “appetite for the carrot.” I see it, I want it, but I’ll never reach it. And even if I get to rest a while and take a bite. I CAN’T DO THIS, Sophia. “I dare you to tell me to walk through fire.” Shinedown and all that. I can’t.

I read my Day Job schedule. And if I can’t do as they ask, then… I’m reading a pink slip.

At best, I’m reading a report on my record. That’s if I’m lucky. I’m fortunate to be the father of two. However, one of them is now in a box. And Virgil. He doesn’t read the bag, but he’s got food. Braxton And Virgil Turn-In.

1755 Days Without B III, Day 1196 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 141 ~B Grateful For V~

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So many years ago, at my Day Job, I was asked to work the return station, and within minutes, I walked out. Now I’m on the schedule in black and white. Wendy’s tried that… Quit/fired. Arby’s? I never went back. My Day Job? B Grateful For V.

Wednesday, November 19, 2025

Journey 141 ~B Grateful For V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Why? Because I’m not grateful… Forty-One? How many years have I given to the Day Job? I’m afraid?

You’re goddamn right, I’m afraid, Inspector Echo. Did Quintus Arrius ask Ben-Hur, AKA “Forty-One,” if he was scared? What did it matter? Forty-One was enslaved. I’m not hmm. America, right…

I can quit, such is the great FEAR. Then I would be living in Cormac McCarthy’s book. “The Road.” Better that than what I’m being asked to do at the Day Job. We’ll get there, Inspector Echo. But while I’m bawling, I’d rather it be for my boys, Braxton, Virgil.

Inspector, if I could survive Braxton’s passing, I can survive anything. I should be telling myself, I’m So Thankful even to have the job of Daddy. Grateful, thankful, dogs, babies. I never feared it ending until one day, Braxton just wasn’t here anymore. And Thanksgiving?

“Fill my lungs with fear and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

In case you think this is awfully soon. It’s never too early or too late for FEAR, my dear lady Echo. So let me give you another one. FEAR of losing my everything, hmm? Braxton?

Inspector, what about the FEAR of dying alone? Besides counting my days at the Day Job, we’re heading into my third month after breaking up with M Anime. So STUPID.

Echo, I mean me. I never learn. Neither at the Day Job, being a DogDad, nor the yearnings of my wayward d*ck. Do you remember, Sweetness? One more hot-to-trot Latina.

Inspector, here I am after damn near stalking that girl to having my heart broken at Forty-One by a Puerto Rican woman. Every day we creep closer to January, Inspector.

Only let’s focus on today; no more on the 26th and 28th. WTF is Return Drop! Please, I know now! Because this morning I was begging like a b*tch to get out of it, Inspector.

Those thirteen hours are going to cost me my Day Job, Echo. Wendy’s? Cashier? People?

I can’t do this at my retail job, Inspector. Let me repeat that. I CAN’T DO THIS! So what’s next? I can be grateful for the wasted years of my life, Echo. Lanyard, Badge, Goodbye.

That’s on top of the Humiliations Galore that I experienced today. Virgil hasn’t said anything. Uh, being a dog. I’m The Running Man, Lieutenant Barclay, The Vault Dweller/Sole Survivor, The Walking Dead, Forty-One, a scared man… B Grateful For V.

“Being afraid all of the time, of forgetting somebody’s name, not, not knowing… what to do with your hands. I mean, I, I am the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there’s a party. And then, when he finally gets there, he winds up alone, in the corner, trying to look comfortable, examining a potted plant.

You’re just shy.

Just shy… Sounds like nothing serious – doesn’t it? You can’t know.”
Star Trek TNG: Hollow Pursuits

“A man chasing two rabbits ends up hungry; A wise man grows carrots.”
Stoics Meditations

1753 Days Without B III, Day 1194 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 140 ~Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted~

WillLeave a comment

Do or do not, there is no try. Tried being a Dad. B III made it to 15. V hasn’t been 5 for a whole month. Tried being a boyfriend. M Anime left as I couldn’t afford two-legged babies. I would have tried. Tried like me? Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted

Tuesday, November 18, 2025

Journey 140 ~Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That’s it, or that’s it? I’m not a Beatle, though I’ve seen plenty flying around.

Beetles, bucks, and nice boobs, rather Yabbos. It’s hard to reject them, resist them, and remember them all. Braxton knows I tried… Or Lord knows I tried, —my Sweet Lord.

Love, I like the song, but don’t care much for the entity. I tried that, my father, high school, and while Braxton lay dying. And that’s how I feel today. Like I’m dying right here.

That’s not cool to tell you, is it? We could go around each other all day asking if love makes you feel dead or gets you through the day, “awake and alive.” Ah, Mr. Gabriel.

As in Peter Gabriel… As opposed to other “Silly Love Songs.” You’ve had enough, love?

I’m trying to give more. “I wish it from myself.”

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Songbird? The original Fleetwood Mac or Santana to Brittany from Glee? You know that makes me feel a particular kind of way, love. If anything gets me out of “Loser Like Me” ideas, it’s a lady like you and one of your lady friends. Too many harem books, my love?

You’ll be the only mother of my children. And yes, we should try for more. But if I ever get Jacob, Grayson, Eddie, or Ethan’s coin… All the haremlit. And I’m a good Dad. Sigh.

That, of course, goes for my furry boys as well, Braxton and Virgil. How can I be better for them? Virgil deserves better? And Braxton definitely knows I can be better. Real good. The best. Like I’m in “The Warriors.”

And this is where the rubber meets the road, my love. I have to learn to love myself. And that’s not me being negative again. It’s a fact. But I have an honest-to-Braxton question about that, my love. Where do I begin? Not only “Once In A Lifetime,” I ask myself, “Well, how did I get here?” “When Will My Life Begin?” You know, I’m trying… No, ever better beloved.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror.” Life is a series of tries, my love. But sometimes you can only try once and then… Well, we’re here. I have one wife. Always and forever.

That’s you. I’m telling the man in the mirror, that “I will TRY to FIX YOU.” Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted.

“We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us.”
― Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die (1998)

1752 Days Without B III, Day 1193 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 139 ~Braxton, A NOISY Virgil~

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It’s day-to-day for me. Is it the silence or the noise that scares me more? The alarm clock, 2-V crying, and everyone asking me why I wasn’t playing DJ today. Or B III’s loss, my sleeping, and the augmenting of reality… Braxton, A NOISY Virgil.

Monday, November 17, 2025

Journey 139 ~Braxton, A NOISY Virgil~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Not just noise, not the sniff, sniff of my nose, or in other words, breathing. Not nothing or never.

But your son. Though right now, to you at least, I sound like the Can You Hear Me Now” guy from Verizon. That was one of the great things about us, Dad. You talk a lot about how Virgil has my eyes but our ears. Scary, sleepy, satisfied, whatever we heard, everything and then some. And then there was the silence. We were safe, Daddy.

Honestly, how do you feel after today? We’re talking over “The Weeknd” ha-ha because today, well… What could I tell you that you would believe? Steve, Bob Marely, and I.

I want to say that “every little thing is gonna be alright.” “Everything is gonna be okay,” like Blue’s Clues.

I remember Steve from Blue’s Clues. Pokémon. I would sit in your lap as you played video games. The wonders of the glow box. You even did the Dad thing and said it would rot my brain when you left it on when you went somewhere. The bad place? Negativity.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I won’t add to that noise, Daddy. If anything, one of the best sounds in the world spent in front of the glow box was you, me, and my Favorite Girl watching movies together. Dad?

Next to you, hearing how I would call to you without a sound. It was your breathing, the beat of your heart. The being you, not just with me but with her. Second Favorite person…

Yeah, that wasn’t family. But I hope you hear when I say this. My father…

You are my person, my human, my Dad, definitely my Favorite Boy. And today Dad…

You’re still breathing, you’re alive. That’s the noise I long to hear on days like this one, Dad. Is it better when Sia sings it? “Alive?” It’s not like you got to listen to it at the bad place, right? As you would say, that’s not negativity; it’s simply the truth. And you are here, Dad. But if I were there in that bad place with you, I’m sure that my barking would have stopped anyone from asking you anything to hurt you. And Virgil wants to cover one of your ears as you have an AirPod in the other. There’s noise and what’s worth listening to. And what is that? Braxton, A NOISY Virgil

“You’re a special person to the universe in ways I don’t think you know.”
― Bikini Magic by Michael Dalton

“A hideous noise of shouting rose to the heavens as young men fought and fell under the iron hand of Mars.”
From ― The Aeneid

1751 Days Without B III, Day 1192 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son