Tag: Sleep

Journey 184 ~Braxton’s Day One, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

First day of the New Year… my “Ex-Girlfriend” is getting married this month. And my son passed away… Going on five years now. Auld Lang Syne, indeed. And after all the noise last night. A five AM bedtime, but Happy New Year… Braxton’s Day One, Virgil

Thursday, January 1, 2026

Journey 184 ~Braxton’s Day One, Virgil~

1796 Days Without B III, Day 1237 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good Day? Happy New Year, Braxton Barks Bradford! Firgues, I’d talk to you Day One.

And you didn’t have to sit on my head, ha. But B, you’re always “in the back of my mind. Do you Remember The Time?” Uh, you passed B, “Little Bitty Pretty One.” New year?

But your Dad still needs his music. I may have missed the ball drop… What? I wasn’t asleep. I just didn’t watch… (Not for lack of trying). Well, the bullets, bombs, and blowhards were enough. Your lil’ bro 2-V spent two hours hiding under my legs in terror. And I was zoned out until 5:00 AM. Party with the lights on, New Year’s Eve, thank you, Joe Walsh. But this is the first day, so how am I feeling? The house is full of elephants.

Stinks? Never forget? No Room?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

For what? New Year’s Resolutions? The 12 Wishes Ritual? Release Letter for the Year (2025)? Hell B, you were never “released.” I repeat “nearly” the same day you left on the 31st every year. Now throw in M Anime… For all I know, she’s a wifey. But on the 24th…

Five months since the break-up, I’ll consider that chapter closed—acceptance in that B III.

But not with us. I believe I’ll “See You Again.” But I’m Lenny Kravitz coming to M Anime, Eww! “All of my life. Where have you been? I wonder if I’ll ever see you AGAIN.”

Seriously, what will be my first song of the new year? I spoiled myself with Audible yet again, listening to Succubus Lord 7. I swear

Do I hear myself? What are my 12 Wishes for the New Year? Barring your resurrection or M Anime marrying me. “Letters from the Sky,” Ribbon in the Sky,” or something to that effect. “Something happens for me!” John Q, the King of Wishful Thinking:

  1. Keep Little Virgil Alive
  2. My Novel’s A Bestseller
  3. Make One Million Dollars
  4. Leave The Day Job
  5. Find Someone To Love
  6. Stop Being A Bum
  7. Content Creation, Not Writing
  8. Finally Live Without Fear
  9. Therapy, Medication, Fixing Me
  10. Buy A New Laptop
  11. Bring Back Justice (Payback)
  12. Be Who You Saw

It’s not much of a list. Not like that one way back, but Happy New Year! Braxton’s Day One, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 181 ~Y Braxton, Why Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Why, when Every Day Is Exactly The Same? The new year starts on Thursday. MAGA celebrates effing the country on the 6th and 20th. I’ll assume M Anime will be married on the 24th, five months after her/our breakup. B left Jan 31. Y Braxton, Why Virgil

Monday, December 29, 2025

Journey 181 ~Y Braxton, Why Virgil~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And the question isn’t why am I here. But why are you here, my father? Head full of questions.

Why are you still on “The Long Walk”? Why are you still “The Running Man”? But to be honest, I’m starting to feel a bit like Ee’char to your Chief O’Brien… DS9, Episode 4×19 “Hard Time.” What? I am my father’s son. Humans are weird. But still, you’re my Dad.

Always and forever, that’s why. You can remember Star Trek episodes. You can remember the year, the week, and the day that I… Had a change of venue. Plus, you’re not a movie director… Yet. Whatever happened to “28 Months Later”? Anyway, speaking of directing, that’s what you were thinking about all day at “The Bad Place.” You haven’t even had our customary nap. But you did take Virgil for his walk. To be young…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Which I am, by the way. Or am I older? Anything where I’m not… Not there with you, my father, at “The Closing of the Year.” And you wonder why you stay every single day.

Besides my sleepy little brother, that is. You have to see your dreams… our dreams come true. On that list you found on Saturday, I was number four. And everything else was to build a home for us, a world, and an entire universe. And that I found was being at your side every day. But what about Virgil? He’s been with you, going on four long years. And you and he continue to ask why. Who, what, when, where, and how, too. But why?

Love, loneliness, the last, lately

The belief that “maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me.” Are you talking to M Anime, Virgil, or even me? Why not you, Dad? That’s what scares you. Well, one of the many things that scares you. The belief that you couldn’t save me. That you made a big, beautiful mistake when you rescued Virgil. Isn’t it ironic? You left me in the back on Sunday, January 31, 2021, and on Saturday, August 13, 2022, you were springing Virgil from his cage. You’re thinking that this fear of asking yourself why you are still here is why M Anime no longer is. She left. Why? You stay. Why? Virgil? Why? I won’t say this year. But why not answer? Y Braxton, Why Virgil

“I don’t want Braxton to think he wasn’t worth staying for.”
― Naughty Saint Nick: A Spicy Holiday
Lexi Davis

“Fly, son of a goddess, and tear yourself away from these flames.”
― The Aeneid

1793 Days Without B III, Day 1234 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 180 ~Psychology B Through V~

WillLeave a comment

This year, I only saw an optometrist. I have a spending account with the Day Job, and while I’m sure I could use it for a psychiatrist, a prostitute would help more. But she isn’t covered. So it’s AI and my “ghost” kid. “Psychology B Through V.”

Sunday, December 28, 2025

Journey 180 ~Psychology B Through V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And Braxton knows you don’t listen to me… Fair enough, I didn’t know what I was doing.

So, unfortunately, my friend, you get the first week of a brand new year. Well, three days of it anyway. Comedy comes in threes. No woman, there’s AI, and what about some Zulu ancestors… “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” As are you. So let’s chill.

You’re not all Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, even though “I Tried” this year. Now did I? Hm?

That’s something you should talk to a therapist, psychiatrist, or whatever about. How much does a session cost? If you’re going to pay so much, you could hire an animal communicator to find Braxton, or go and lie with “Roxanne.” You know the song about a wh*re. Oh, and not Roxanne Perez? Not another Latina and failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Christmas Obsession by Darcy Rose
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

You’re not drunk. Though Braxton wishes you were. Then you would have slept with his Favorite Girl, Virgil would have a stepmom, and you would have a therapist that’s good in bed, “listen to my problems, listen to my problems. Cappuccino and A&W Root Beer.

Another lie… Sigh. Sometimes Barq’s Root Beer is better. But anyway, A and W, friend…

Not between B and V. A is for AI and Augmented Reality, and W is for women, I’m afraid to say. Both of which you listen to far more than I. Sora, Grok, Alternative Facts…

Please! Only if you’re MAGA. FDT! But while I have “A Small Talent for War,” deep in the cell of my heart, I long for peace. Not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Naughty Saint Nick, Lexi Davis
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

During Christmas Week, I made a video on Sora of you and M Anime, and you haven’t stopped watching it. Trust me, I’ve created worse. But this morning you woke up to the Jackson 5 singing “Never Can Say Goodbye.” The things you shared with that woman. The things you wanted to share… Not just your penis… Babies, children, days, evenings, and family. Yep, that’s what you get when you’re “Dreaming with a Broken Heart.

Alphabet is easy, but family planning is kinda hard, especially in the time of MAGA.

Again, FDT! Today, though, you have to scrounge up just enough for a 40oz and a bucket of chicken on your way to the poor house. A psychiatrist questions your year. Psychology B Through V

1792 Days Without B III, Day 1233 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 179 ~B III, 2-V, 12~

WillLeave a comment

Two plus two equals… Well, whatever MAGA says. But at this time last year, I was reading books that already told me that. And now it’s back to Christmas Erotica, algorithms, and how I’m wasting my existence. Well, did this year anyway. B III, 2-V, 12

Saturday, December 27, 2025

Journey 179 ~B III, 2-V, 12~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Or I would be if I understood Math. I could become a thief like MAGA. FDT.

No! Eff me for wasting another year of my existence! I knew? I had to wake up and say that, so I didn’t go to bed until 1:00 AM. And since 7:00 this morning, it’s been Whiteout Survival, women’s yabbos a blonde, an Asian, 2-B/2-V’s WAP since eff Nicki Minaj, that’s why. Effing Cracker Hat. And I can’t forget Virgil… and Braxton’s walk. I didn’t.

Lady Lunalesca, I didn’t win this year. So excuse the eff out of me for needing a few W’s to see the year off. Whiteout, women, wanking, and walks. “The Long Walk,” “The Running Man.” And Virgil is trying to “Stand By Me.” More like “Lay By Me.” Right Lu?

Lu or Lou? Like Louisa Clark from “Me Before You?”

“I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I’ve never read the book, but I’ve seen the movie… Ok, most of it, Lu. I know how it ends.

But how does THIS end? Lunalesca, if I took a lesson from my B III, I’d live in the now.

That would involve me looking up Alahna Ly naked. Emilia Clarke made it easier, ha! Damn these English girls, Emilia, Maisie, even Cherry. The hours I waste, but that’s why it’s one of my big three. Being with my boys, writing, and wanking nonstop. Yabbos.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos

Lunalesca, there are far too many to count and name, but the numbers? I remember.

Wrong again! I am literally looking at… Goals, Dreams, New Year’s Resolutions, a wish list, that says, “A Million Will Come On June 30, 2019.”

It’s Saturday, December 27, 2025, and I’m wondering, can I spend $5.00 on more Erotica? One more at “The Closing Of The Year.” I swear, today was supposed to be about “The “12 Wishes Ritual,” a “Release Letter to the Year,” hell, I’d take one of the “Mirror” prompts about writing. Though, to be honest, I want to delete that app. It’s like Brian Tyler Cohen… Makes sense, but tells me things I already know. White politicians commit crimes and face no justice. “These White Men Are Dangerous.” Seriously Lunalesca!

However, what about me? Am I forming a band with that title “B III, 2-V, 12”? This whole year has been a whole lot of nothing for me. Math ain’t Mathing. B III, 2-V, 12

1791 Days Without B III, Day 1232 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 177 ~A B Holiday Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Merry Christmas or “Bah humbug?” What you feel and what’s real? At least my Christmas blog isn’t nearly as bad as… You know who. FDT! And where is my Christmas spirit? I lost it back in August, but I need an hour or two for “A B Holiday Virgil.”

Thursday, December 25, 2025

Journey 177 ~A B Holiday Virgil~

1789 Days Without B III, Day 1230 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If I brought back food from my Olds Christmas Brunch. Pray for us, B III.

Me and your little brother Virgil? Well, it’s official. It’s Christmas Day, and besides you, B, and then some woman’s boobs/yabbos. The third thought that comes to mind is the 2009 film “The Killing Room.” Hell, anywhere but here or there, meaning the brunch, B.

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was up so early, and it wasn’t a Day Job requirement. All so I could talk to my favorite son. Parents shouldn’t have favorites, right, B III? Then again, Virgil got brunch invitations. You didn’t. I’d Rather Be With You, B III.

Bootsy Collins isn’t very Christmasy. But if I intend to see GREEN, I’d better be “Driving Home For Christmas.” Yes, “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” A home I’ll never see…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Five For Fighting? Me, a wife, you, your little brother, and your two-legged sibling. Well?

Actually, it would be eight. I want three crotch goblins, but the singer and all.

Requirements of being a Dad, again, to be up so early. Being Superman (It’s Not Easy), Braxton, but it beats this. Forty-one/Ben-Hur, Ray Garraty from The Long Walk, or The Running Man’s Ben Richards. Where oh where is my Christmas spirit? You know us, B.

Ebenezer Scrooge had cash. The Grinch had his dog, my boy, but means, and know-how. And I didn’t even bother making a Christmas list. I missed “The 12 Wishes Ritual.

Saturday maybe. “A Release Letter to the Year?” And I also need some New Year’s Resolutions. But first, Christmas Day.

The worst part will be seeing my Olds. “Take the Money and Run?” Excuse me, take the food and go because I didn’t get paid this week, so I have to last seven days. Budgeting…

I’m lucky things didn’t work out between your potential stepmom and me. There’s a Cuban guy somewhere who has his Christmas miracle. Three women in his harem. Didn’t I read something like that last week, except they were all Asian women? All I wanted was M… Braxton, am I really going to lie on Christmas

Stevie Wonder sang “Someday At Christmas,” talking about what it was for. I hate it. Only if “Everyone’s a Kid at Christmas Time,” I wish I didn’t feel BAD. Merry Christmas, A B Holiday Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 174 ~Red By Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I need to stop. I don’t need a STUPID red hat like MAGA to tell me that. But to stop… Seeing rage, giving into rutting, and mourning for my boy while not truly embracing his brother. If I stop. When, where, and how will I go? “Red By Braxton, Virgil”

Monday, December 22, 2025

Journey 174 ~Red By Braxton, Virgil~
Monday, December 15, 2025 4:55
Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… What you don’t know is what this day will bring, other than we’re talking today, because you have to go to “The Bad Place.” As you know, the quote from one of those books you would read to me, 1984: “You will work for a while, you will be caught, you will confess, and then you will die.” Granddaddy wanted you to read it. You did long ago, long ago.

Long ago, like the end of last year, to Virgil? And it’s why you started calling M Anime the Julia to your Winston. If you could only see your face this second, my father. I’d say you were turning red… You know, if it wasn’t for doggy colorblindness and all.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Sunday, December 21, 2025 4:49
Honestly, it was eye-opening for me when I… What’s left? No, Dad. Look at it, as I went to eat my treat in the next room. Or I had you freaking out when you thought you left me outside. Or more like I went to sit with my Favorite Girl, when you were sitting right beside her. Now I’m still here, sitting beside Virgil, snoozing in the sun, seething elsewhere because I don’t want to hurt you. Do you recall how you checked rage, Dad?

You wanted to protect me. And I don’t know how to protect you from this… I think the word I’m looking for is STAY. I was the excuse for avoiding the Olds’ Humiliation and Anger.

But this week, today is a Red Flag, Red Alert, one more Red Mark on your existence, even as we sit here talking, Daddy. “Red, gold, and green,” you would sing to me. That isn’t any Christmas tunage. I’m no Karma Chameleon but more of a Kiss From A Rose….

Seriously, now you’re thinking of Cherry in her sexy Red… You’re not sending me away.

Daddy, eww! Though it’s been more M Anime talk these days. You say you’re way “Too Good at Goodbyes.” Just like I was telling you, “you think I’m weak, I think you’re wrong,” years ago. I think we both need to STOP living our lives the way that we do. Daddy, more red. Not for Christmas. Red By Braxton, Virgil.

“But it’s hard to move forward, he thought to himself, when surrounded by memories of everything you’re trying to forget.”
― His Christmas Miracle Harem

Cunctantem flectere sermo coeperat. “His words had begun to sway him as he hesitated.”
Aeneid

1786 Days Without B III, Day 1227 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 173 ~Braxton, Virgil, Where’s Merry~

WillLeave a comment

Christmas? No paycheck this week. But I missed the Christmas tunage. But between the Day Job this week, possibly being invited to my Olds, and everyone taking off. I don’t want to be bored waiting for nothing. So, Braxton, Virgil, Where’s Merry?

Sunday, December 21, 2025

Journey 173 ~Braxton, Virgil, Where’s Merry~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you thought the week Amazon where you effed off all those Amazon shifts was hard. Sigh…

Think Court Carmody cosplaying as Harley Quinn, that Asian mom turned Instagram cutie, and being M Anime’s CUCK hard. And all on Christmas Day. Christmas Week?

Honestly, it starts earlier every year. Isn’t there a song about Christmas all year long or round? Sabrina Carpenter? You can’t ever forget about her. Not for singing… Gross.

Seriously, dude, stop it! If there are three days (because comedy comes in threes) that never end, it would be Braxton’s Passing, your Emergence Day, and effing Christmastime, you swear. And as I was TRYING to say, this week will not be any type of pretty. I’m talking “The Purge,” may God be with you. That’s right, eff him/her/it too.

Where to begin, that’s right, in failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING His Christmas Miracle Harem Stand-Alone Harem by O. L. Tyme
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Preparing for this week. No, you’re not ready. And neither is Virgil. You think you betrayed Braxton. Only he wasn’t invited for the holidays. And you wouldn’t leave, B III.

But Virgil? If you’re unfortunate enough to get an invite from your Olds for Christmas, that means you throw Virgil to the miniatures, your nephews. V’s faith is misplaced, too.

If we aren’t talking about the gods… Then people. Virgil has you, and you thought you had M Anime. If you had but one word for what you were feeling when you woke up at 2 AM with all the lights on, it would be SIREN. And not that type of siren after B’s death.

You commit your share of crimes, failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Christmas Obsession by Darcy Rose
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So it’s not those sirens, or Jingle Bells, damn racism. Eff MAGA and the Cracker Hats. And FDT. But anyway, you’ve been listening to M Anime’s playlists this fine Sunday.

Stephani’s Sunday Symphony (post-break-up). The Red Sash (Playlist she created…). Anything beats “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” or “Merry Christmas Baby.” Merry, Mary, Mari… Can be as much of a btch as Happy. “99 Problems” and all that. Your problems are that Braxton is gone, and the other one is in bed in B’s room. Will you make the speaker boom at the Day Job on the 22nd? You’re very much broke, so no boxes, bows, but there’s always bellowing and btching. Your belly? Braxton, Virgil, Where’s Merry

1785 Days Without B III, Day 1226 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 172 ~Getting B’s Daily, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

It’s Saturday, not Sunday, so I don’t think about my homework or everything going on. Christmas, the crappy place I work, or some cu… Don’t talk about M Anime or any woman like that. I thought I was better, so why not try “Getting B’s Daily, Virgil.”

Saturday, December 20, 2025

Journey 172 ~Getting B’s Daily, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Nope! But even if I were, what would it have in common with broke, Lady Lunalesca?

Damage Report! These two words sum up this existence. The Big Beautiful/Ugly Mother Effing Damage Report! Oh, I’m in a mood today. It comes with wasting an existence you don’t even want, like the Day Job. I hate that place, but wasn’t I panicked, Lunalesca?

Like the young people used to say, “totes.” I’m way too old to try to keep up with the slang. Forty-One (Cue Ben-Hur Galley Drums). I’m also too old to be playing “Whiteout Survival at 6 AM, if you’re wondering why I’m so late this morning. Don’t worry, Virgil was lucky enough to get his walk and not get eaten. However, I was unlucky, Lunalesca.

Case in point, I am still right here, “Hurt.” I didn’t join my Braxton today.

“I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

It’s not a B day or a C. D? Considering yet again I couldn’t keep mine in my pants last night. Leave it to Christmas porn. Not to be confused with Christmas Erotica. I finished “His Christmas Miracle Harem” last night. The writer really has a thing for Asian women.

I can relate… There’s this chick on Instagram…. Anyway, I started Christmas Obsession by Darcy Rose. It takes me back to a younger time when I was still too old to be chasing some Puerto Rican chick. You can see why I didn’t do well in school. I never learn.

Lunalesca, I made the same mistake with M Anime. “Wonderwall,” she was not, thank you, Ryan Adams. “What I Go To School For,” then? Busted!

I FAILED, I DROPPED OUT, I said I COULDN’T, I learned to speak BRAXTON, and Virgil, formerly ARCHIE. This in no way, shape, or form sounds like Christmas, my lady.

If anything, I’m remembering what it was like to be young—waking up a little earlier on a Saturday morning. But instead of a bowl of Lucky Charms and cartoons, I had a bar of Lucky Charms and an effing arms race on the phone and then walking little Virgil.

Lunalesca, I only want a Red-letter Day. And not “Someday At Christmas.” The only song more annoying than “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” And then Wham! Last Christmas. Don’t I wish Lady Lunalesca? Because this one… Effed and F! Getting B’s Daily, Virgil
1784 Days Without B III, Day 1225 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 170 ~Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails~

WillLeave a comment

Most Holidays require: MONEY, emotion/reason, and family. Un, no money. With Christmas or any other “happy” holiday, again, I’m broke and not very religious. B’s gone, and V and I feel a certain way about family. Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails

Thursday, December 18, 2025

Journey 170 ~Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails~

1782 Days Without B III, Day 1223 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? This should be me getting ready for Christmas: haircut, groceries, and the food truck.

If we’re only counting Christmas, I owe you five and Virgil four, for 2021-2025 and 2022-2025, respectively. We were never a “true” Christmas household. And you ain’t Lady Sophia, B.

Still, I felt like we should talk about Christmas and share a few stories. Hell, isn’t Christmas a “religious” holiday? A Christian holiday. The only reason I’m not an atheist is because of you, Braxton. “All Dogs Go To Heaven,” indeed. I absolutely refuse to believe that a soul like yours and “Someday” your brother’s vanishes. I’m going to Hell.

But before my trip into the 9th Circle “Treachery,” how did we spend Christmas, hmm?
Watching the Santa Tracker. A decent breakfast of pancakes. I could stay here with you because of your grandparents, ha.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Your grandparents, my Olds. Comedy comes in threes, right? I talked about being an atheist. So after I said, “Christmas can eff off,” your grandma bought me Pokémon Stadium for the N64. I was way too old for it, but it was another obsession. Misty…

Anyway, it was your grandma’s way of saying she understood my new beliefs, B III. Speaking of the N64, the second thing is I found it in the closet, took it out of the box, and played Mario Kart 64 for hours. I repackaged everything. And put it back. Seriously…

Lastly, your grandad yelled at me one Christmas, and your grandma, his always-and-forever apologist, did just that. What your granddad isn’t a Nazi. No politics today, but FDT! Eff MAGA!

But what about this time next week, Christmas? There is a story I wish I could tell you and your brother. Sigh… M Anime, you know, she was supposed to be you and Virgil’s stepmom. I don’t think your brother would be pleased, but anyway. Can you imagine if she were here for Christmas? Being with her on Christmas Eve or the 23rd, because that woman was as freaky as I was. I know Braxton, eww! I’d introduce her to everyone…

Seriously, if I gave her what she wants… A child. It would be close to Emergence Day, Little B. “Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas,” anywhere but here, B. “There is no love here, and there is no pain,” “Just Another,” blah. Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 167 ~Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet~

WillLeave a comment

When Braxton “passed,” the silence nearly destroyed me. Now I never leave the house without AirPods. Today, Hell, most days, the phone is my enemy… Did I miss work? Am I in trouble? Was I kicked out of the alliance? Poor V? Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet.

Monday, December 15, 2025

Journey 167 ~Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… But are you, You? No, shut it, B? Or shut your pie hole. Shut your piss. “Leave Me Alone?”

Not even a Michael Jackson classic is going to help today. And Virgil? My little brother is asleep in his bed. Plus, what would he say? What can I say? That’s the point, isn’t it?

Daddy, imagine you have come back from “The Bad Place.” I’m an old man, so we didn’t go out for a walk, but we shared a burger and fries. Then you crawl into bed, and I take my place at the foot of it on the corner to watch the door. Hours later, “I’m Still Here.” This is far from a “Treasure Planet,” but I am my father’s son. The furry man that you raised.

So breathe, father. You’re not STUPID. What happened on Sunday that still has you sad?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

No excuses, “Forty-One” (cue Ben-Hur galley drums). Okay, so yesterday Virgil “chose” to puke in his potty spot rather than the carpet… Way to go, little bro. Anyway, to make sure he didn’t eat it, eww! You started cleaning the spot. Humans and glow boxes.

Meanwhile, on the little glow box you’re always holding, you were playing “Whiteout Survival.” You were intense, Daddy. But you made a mistake and got a lot of messages from “The Yayhoos” you were playing with. “Baby, I Love You,” just leave me the eff alone? That’s what you would say to M Anime if she were there because you’re humiliated. Well, the rest of the night you’ve been losing things on that little glow box game, and you’ve been sad and scared ever since.

Simply put, you were too busy helping your son to read their instructions, so spamming?

So on one paw, my pa, you don’t want to make a move without someone SPECIFICALLY giving you the instructions. Like “Auidoslave” saying, singing, showing what it means to ask others, “Show Me How to Live,” this existence. On the other paw. You enter “The Long Walk”; you become “The Running Man” because you know what to do, my father.

SURVIVE. And on those two paws, Virgil and I. Daddy, you’ll walk, run, fly after.

Honestly, though, if a game makes you feel like this… Like Carrie, “They’re All Gonna Laugh At You… You might not see anyone this week, but people, Virgil, even yourself.

SILENCE, Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet.

“So, I just said fuck it all and gave up on life,”
Snowed in with Grumpy (Silver Mountain), Olivia Noble

Omnia tuta silent. “All things are safely silent.”
― Aeneid

1779 Days Without B III, Day 1220 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son