Tag: Noise

Tale 152 ~Virgil, B’s A Roommate~

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This isn’t my home. Ain’t even my house. So, I’m a spineless, selfish, and spoiled bastard. And skeevy? That’s another story. But seeing a Doc is $175. Plus meds? B III being in a box? No, the water heater is very expensive. “Virgil, B’s A Roommate.”

Thursday, November 30, 2023

Tale 152 ~Virgil, B’s A Roommate~

1033 Days Without B III, Day 474 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Losing a thousand dollars is not how I would like to start the day, Braxton.

Water is essential to life. Do you remember when I purposely tried to end existing? Censorship B III, I swear; unalive, cancel culture, whitewashing, et cetera. Whatever people are calling it this week, everything under the sun. Speaking of which, before sunrise. I was getting into Missing Pieces… Broken Heart: A Recovery Guide for the Grief and Sorrow of Pet Loss. As if I would ever call you a pet. Anyway, that’s not the point. Yesterday, I was missing you, my best friend, firstborn, and always my son. But Virgil? Hell! I keep saying it. When things get really bad, I think of the worst thing ever. The day I lost you. It brings perspective.

Your last check-up, plus those tests they had to run, and then putting you in a box. Let’s not forget the small trinkets and gifts. Were they all worth a thousand bucks? I think so. A price I paid gladly, though I didn’t want to. Is that me being selfish? Hell No! I would have gone full “John Q” if it meant I could have saved your life. Not to go all Taylor Swift, but you belong with me. Maybe Christof from The Truman Show would be better for us.

“You can’t leave, (Braxton). You belong here… with me.” Now that’s me being selfish, B. And again, you ask, but Virgil? Does it help I’m not calling him “freeloader” anymore? Tomorrow, I may forget this.

But the thousand dollars that I’ve lost… Well, not quite yet. And for what? A water heater. If you could tell me something about that concerning you. It would be no problem B. This was/is your home, and I wanted you to be “Safe and Sound.” More Taylor Swift, seriously? We weren’t even big fans of hers. I was more into Ellie Goulding, to be honest, Little B. You were still here for that. But where was I today? Two words: Mia Malkova. The only girls that have been in this house since your Aunt. Tweets, Onlyfans, CashApp. Such is existence. With you, Braxton, I was/am your Dad. Now, I pay rent for an existence I would rather not live. Any day ending with Y. Money for “my” father, females, freaking everything. Uh, that’s called adulting. Virgil, B’s A Roommate

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 148 ~Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs~

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Is it the water heater, the A.C., or the weather? It could be anything. I talk about wanting to be a family man, and I’m not even a decent “homeowner.” Always crying to my Olds or my lost little boy. Then there’s Virgil. “Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs.”

Sunday, November 26, 2023

Tale 148 ~Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs~

To Will
It’s the Man In The Mirror… But what circle of Hell am I? It’s a strange question for so late in the morning.

8:00 AM? More like 8:18, to be specific. But you were up at 4:00 AM, and what did that show? Bladder control? More like Damage Ctrl. For the most part, it was only Piper Niven getting you going. Now that sounds like a confession for Inspector E. What’s wrong with liking big chicks? Nothing at all, and neither was ending B III’s suffering when “The Man Comes Around.” And are there any other would-be, could-be, or should-be sins you want to confess this Sunday morning? Sloth perhaps? Since you don’t see yourself getting out of bed. There’s always a bit of Envy. And you’re annoyed at Virgil. It beats Indifference. Do you remember how Braxton ended up? And you? Your existence? These, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Princess Tamer 2 by Neil Bimbeau. – And Backyard Dungeon 4
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024* No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Talk about going down. Up and down, hmm; with your toy as the song goes (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction. And neither can you. But that’s by choice. You don’t belong in the Second Circle anyway. And can you be positive for once? Should you repeat the A.I.s words? Ha! I let the words fall out of my mouth Saturday. I wasn’t myself, and it showed. God, I hate liars. Well, next to those that make excuses for everything. For example, why can’t you walk down the hall and lie on the couch? Or go down to B’s room and bring Virgil to you—scaredy cat. For once, you’re talking about somebody else and not you. Then again, every Sunday, you write Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Missing Pieces…Broken Heart: A Recovery Guide…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And at least two of them require you to get out of this bed and head downstairs. And what fresh Hell is this? I can tell you this whole week will have you like Noah—fearing that freaking flood along the floor. And you have yet to see how bad it is right now. “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” It would help if you tried reading that again, I think. But no, you went through two more books of… relations with computer babes, elves, and demons taking off their clothes. You’re back with the crying over fur babies portion of the program. You don’t need mirrors to see yourself. Moaning and sweating over girls, tears about your boy, or the mess on the floor. Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs.

1029 Days Without B III, Day 470 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 145 ~Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton~

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What sound does a turkey make? “It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble.” Personally, I’m more JLAW than JLO, but anyway. Braxton and I didn’t have many Thanksgiving traditions. I hope my Ma sends food. Virgil dreams the same. “Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton.”

Thursday, November 23, 2023

Tale 145 ~Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton~

1026 Days Without B III, Day 467 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sure you went all “U Name It” wherever you are. Now Virgil and I…

Well, Virgil might as well be a turkey because he’s not doing any talking. But I’m guessing he knows what day it is, considering he’s been extra cuddly this morning. And look at me being a meanie, pushing him by his big belly away from me. But at least I got up “on time.” And what does that mean? I’ve got nowhere to go today. Will Ma come out today?

Your grandmommy, B, hasn’t failed yet, but as the song goes, “What’s My Age Again?” Next to your death, getting older is my prevalent thought. Two worst days of existence. But shouldn’t we be talking about one of the best of yours? Thanksgiving is Christmas. At least to you, it was/is. To me, Another Day

I can’t even think about turkey or ham with that energy shot I took an hour ago. I did mention that I’m wide awake. Woke, as it were. Should I watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? I’m at a loss as to what to do today. We had no traditions, B III. Nothing at all…

I’ve even gone back to last year, and it looks like I was in the same place or thereabouts.

The freaking Day Job. Tomorrow will be Hell! So I’ll spend most of the day wishing I was a deep-fried turkey. Watching people burn down their houses is one of the many things I’ve been up to this morning. One of the more… innocent. Then, Karlee Grey in “Native Passion.” Eww.

And to think there was a time I was rather glad you got into trouble so I had alone time.

I would give it all up if I could have you back again, Braxton. That would be something to be thankful for. But honestly, I feel like the Native Americans in the aftermath of meeting the pilgrims. No Bueno. Like the film Silent Hill, “Your Faith Brings Death.” Offending everyone everything today? Turkeys, Christians, Ma, Native Americans… All the reasons I’m going to fry, roast, um, bake? I’m going to Hell, but I’m not a cook B. It’s why I’ll be thankful for your grandmommy. I’m thankful Virgil is alive. Always and forever, I’m thankful and damn proud you’re my boy. Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 141 ~Not A B…eep Virgil~

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A bomb that never goes off. That’s not a “good” analogy. Still, I take in every breath. I can hear the beat of “my” heart. And I would say I have no balls, but even a slow computer and internet connection still keep them banging. Not A B…eep Virgil

Sunday, November 19, 2023

Tale 141 ~Not A B…eep Virgil~

To Will

It’s the Man In The Mirror… And of all the things you could break… a mirror? Seven years back luck? Try thirty-nine, forty…

What’s one more day of existence? To wake up to one day that you would rather not see, right? One more reason it should have been you and not B III. Braxton would appreciate being alive today. Hell! For all you know… you know nothing (snickers). But Braxton might sound like Virgil if you weren’t in the world, even on work days, movie nights, and those midday guard sessions. That explains what you’re doing here talking right now. The thing is, Braxton always knew you were coming back to him. And then what, ignoring him? Again, you’re sitting here staring at me. And if it’s not me, it would be a pair of Yabbos. Ha-ha! It’d be some story. Or listing out Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING PORN: A Novel of Extreme Horror, Sex and Gore, Matt Shaw
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

It’s this list right here that makes you feel like a slug, a sloth, or “just a sucker for pain.” And here we have your latest way of torturing yourself. An effing slow computer, hmm…

Everything seems okay so far, but what? You got back and immediately turned it on. There was a period of decompression. You had lunch and a nap, of course. Existence is a tough row to hoe. Can you dig your way to Hell any faster? Keep looking at women the way you do. How about holding your breath in “your” car? In a crowd of people? And what’s a group to you? A couple and the manager. And “Relax, don’t do it. When you wanna come.” Always, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Princess Tamer 2 by Neil Bimbeau
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And like breathing, these are ways we both choose to “pretend that we’re dead.” I am dead for all intents and purposes, and this is your week now. And not to be that guy, but I must tell you that you wasted two months after E-Day. Or you’re close to doing so, my guy. So, how are you going to rectify the situation? If you can’t stop the human machine, which is your biological imperative. You feel the natural and physical make-up far too much. You might be inclined to do something if you couldn’t watch other people in the throes of passion. But, when anything beeps, what seconds that emotion? Love? Braxton, women, and technology are all broken. Not FEAR. Not A B…eep Virgil

1022 Days Without B III, Day 463 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 138 ~They’ll B Drama Virgil~

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Must B be so dramatic? Hell! It takes a lot for me not to burst into tears going to the Day Job. Or to keep my mouth shut. a little girl yells to her sister daily, Don’t Hit People!” How about watching movies with blood sports? They’ll B Drama Virgil

Thursday, November 16, 2023

Tale 138 ~They’ll B Drama Virgil~

1019 Days Without B III, Day 460 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’d have to ruin that for you if you were still here. Now Virgil’s filter…

It’s “times like these” B that you would get all discouraged, depressed, and, yes, dramatic. The movie nights when I would leave you all by your lonesome. Hell! Sometimes, I would go out with Carolina Bound… or wherever she is now. I wish there were more of an impact on her moving. Now, I don’t get bothered by a whole lot, Braxton. It’s why you’re dead. Oh, listen to me! Today was relatively easy, considering I’m in a rush right now. Again, it’s movie night or afternoon. It depends on when I leave this bed, which I didn’t do on time this morning. Not that it would have mattered. Tomorrow is going to be much worse. But I say that every day (sigh). Another day…

You know, I hate saying that—the indifference of it all. I keep saying it, Braxton. It wasn’t the point of a needle. For all the drama you brought and Virgil too when it mattered… Braxton, you want to see drama? Take this morning as an example. I could have done “my” reading while sitting in the Day Job parking lot today. But no! I was scared of missing the boss. I thought somebody had died. Or had I messed up my schedule? Was I dreaming? Only I did that earlier in the morning. I’ve been on Twitter/X checking a post. Women, Little B, remember? Was I original the only one? Too sexual with her. Braxton, I would tell you to behave around your aunt.

The only time I keep myself in check is with my anger. I’m afraid to say nothing has changed at all, Braxton. I was mad before you and after when Virgil got here. It goes. Braxton Barks, trying to protect you from that means I never felt anything. Sometimes, you got in trouble, and “I Feel Everything” while you weren’t around. Yeah, gross. But your aunt and I would watch you get down and dirty with your toys, the weirdos we are. Fur parents, right? Yet there was joy when we all would sit and watch a movie. Tonight? I hope to see The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes. It’s better to leave the drama on screen. Sadly, They’ll B Drama Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 134 ~Virgil, There’ll B Time~

WillLeave a comment

Let me cook… Then why, oh, why do I have a microwave and buy fast food daily? It’s because I have no time. I’m too busy sleeping or cursing at the Day Job. Hurry up and wait, as they say. For the fire? What about B III and 2V? Virgil, There’ll B Time

Sunday, November 12, 2023

Tale 134 ~Virgil, There’ll B Time~

To Will
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I am… um, you are… nothing. Way to be negative this Saturday, November 11, 2023. Time-Travel?

Not for long since it’s 4:10 PM already. A wasted afternoon. And where have I been? I haven’t been looking up story ideas for NaNoWriMo, that’s for sure. I’m committing the oldest crimes in the newest ways. But everything’s been a blur. Did I say that out loud for real? Anyway, speaking of… well, the truth. Stop me if you’ve heard them… Braxton is dead. This week is going to suck. I am an equal opportunity misanthropist. Shall I continue? Please! If only there were TIME. As the song goes, “Of all the lies I heard. I Love You was my favorite.” But I’ve never told you that. Hell! I haven’t told Virgil that falsehood. Waking up though it’s either TIME or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, Eric Vall. The Last Conversation, Paul Tremblay
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I swear all these things are in the running. But even before I started talking to Lady Luna again. Even before Braxton was in the world. I said I was going to be a writer. If I had one wish… Better make that two. The first would always be to have Braxton come back. Anyway, the second would be that I would be a famous writer. And never have to step into the Day Job ever again. But I realize that I am one of the book burners. You, tomorrow? When you come back, you’ll find the time to burn books. But how? Several ways. I’ve been thinking of that dream I had while I was napping. Hell! Dream? In movies and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING PORN: A Novel of Extreme Horror, Sex and Gore, Matt Shaw
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t have time for movies, but you remember “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” I swear. Oh! You’ll go see “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes,” I know.

Continued… Sunday, November 12, 2023

Anyway, my point is the FIRE! You mourn B every day. And while you were working this AM… Another day wasted at thirty-nine. You were thinking that next year, you would burn the ‘funeral garments.’ To be forty and still wasting away? I think not. You have no love, and in the words of Johnny Cash, “What have I become? My sweetest friend.” Something ugly, I know, as you look in the Day Job mirror. Unacceptable, disgusting, STUPID? “I See Fire,” “Hellfire,” time for eternal damnation. Virgil, There’ll B Time

1015 Days Without B III, Day 456 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 131 ~B LEAD Virgil Sometimes~

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I see B from time to time on wobbly legs, walking towards his water bowl. He couldn’t stand being so weak to take a drink right next to his bed. Virgil is very much alive, and he waits for me to lead him towards… life. “B LEAD Virgil Sometimes.”

Thursday, November 9, 2023

Tale 131 ~B LEAD Virgil Sometimes~

1012 Days Without B III, Day 453 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m time-traveling here as it’s Wednesday today. But Braxton, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.”

Virgil and I both agree on that. But monster, man, where’s my Ma because Daddy… Even now, Braxton, as Michael Jackson sang it, “But the kid is not my son.” I swear, B III, I’m not the man to follow. Only you know that, seeing as how you went straight to Heaven… Or so I assume. The Rainbow Bridge, Elysium? How about where the enemy goes in Final Fantasy VIII when you use Selphie Tilmitt’s The End Ability? Ok, whatever. For the record, Sorceress Ultimecia was my hardest kill next to you, my best friend. Braxton, what is wrong with me today? As THEY say, if it bleeds, it leads, so I begin with your passing most days. It’s what leads me, always and forever.

To what, though? This week has been all about me leading. The Day Job, doggie, and me being late because I’m too busy dicking around. Hell! I know where I want to go, B III. Did you send Virgil here so I wouldn’t follow you? Pretty sneaky, bro… Braxton Barks! I’d yell at you for that, but I’m not that kind of boss, father, or anything else. Monster? Most monsters aren’t the ones being followed. I don’t want anyone following me because, again, I know where I’m going and where I want to go, and these aren’t good places B. Every day, I take a step closer to Hell if I’m not already there. And as always, I want to know where you are, Braxton.

Are you waiting for me? Not if I blame you for Virgil being here. He waits for me to lead him everywhere. Or more like to follow, but Virgil needs my permission even to exist. Never! And we are way past spooky season. Before that, E-Day put me a step closer to the grave. I want to say closer to you, but that’s something I didn’t ask, Braxton. Sigh. Where are you going? Why are you going? I take it Heaven wasn’t a car ride. Hell! Does that explain why you wanted to come home with me? When the car seems a better choice. And what is all this leading me to? I can’t get out of the way of existence. B LEAD Virgil Sometimes

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 127 ~To B, Write, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

There was a time when to live… Did I ever live? To exist was the moment I first wrote my name down. And here I am thirty-nine years later, and everything I’ve written… Hell, I get paid slightly more lifting boxes; sad. “But, To B, Write Virgil.”

Sunday, November 5, 2023

Tale 127 ~To B, Write, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Only not, since I’m wearing a mask today. For a little while, being Tuesday, October 31, 2023

I wish I could tell you I’m doing something Halloween-themed besides being a weenie. It’s not because I fear ghosts, vampires, or zombies. Sorry to say werewolves never did much for me, either. Braxton could be a werewolf on occasion. I’m counting to ten. That means if I have all ten fingers, shouldn’t I be writing right now? I mean “my” book or Braxton’s, even yours. NaNoWriMo starts Wednesday. I have no writing ideas. I want to scream the F-word 50,000 times or more. Always and forever, hmm. But I know your Sundays have been getting worse. PLEASE! Will anyone beat the Sunday that Braxton died? No way! Or the one that was Virgil’s first official day. Write about that or failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, Or…
    Unknown
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Unknown
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Unknown
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failing is another F-word. So when I first started this… I talked about Writings, Witticisms, and Wisdom. But it’s turned into failure 101. And nobody wants to hear that. Is that why you’re making yourself unavailable week after week? I can’t say I blame you. It’s not right. You aren’t white… meaning you can’t blame this on the other. And when was the last time you did “write?” So many confessions, excuses, failures, uh goodness? Your existence? To Be Continued…

Wednesday, November 1, 2023
Now, what were we discussing? Ah! Yes, writing. And I’m checks watch thirty minutes late. Not that I wasn’t writing… things into a search bar. And a password that lets me do dirty things. Oh! NaNoWriMo’s not on Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3 (Or something)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Neither is success. At this particular time, I’m on schedule with Satan’s Sorority Girls 3. But will I finish it? If there is some writing I need to do. How about I answer M Anime? Why not tell the Day Job how I would like to waste the 40th year of this existence? And that wouldn’t be necessary if I would… WRITE A BOOK! Or edit? By the way, publish? Who am I kidding, though? I had most of this week, and you? Again we’ve been talking the last two days because your week is going to suck. Please! With what’s coming tomorrow. I told dear Echo all about it. The existence you could have if not for me, hmm; Future? To B, Write, Virgil

1008 Days Without B III, Day 449 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 124 ~B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons~

WillLeave a comment

People want a reset button. I don’t. I’ll wait for someone to push the wrong one, as I’m too lazy to play the game. And This Is America where even doors are an issue, Mr. Cruz. I try not to push people’s buttons, but B, V. B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons.

Thursday, November 2, 2023

Tale 124 ~B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons~

1005 Days Without B III, Day 446 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only been seven hours, and I’m already counting today as a loss. Nothing new.

Speaking of which, “my” bank account. Not that we talked about that much, Little B. Every day, you had a roof over your head, a collar around your neck, food in your bowl, and… Ain’t that what you’re supposed to do? I’m your child. You had me. I didn’t ask to be here. Whatever happened to that video, Braxton? Were you even here during that? The things I need to give up. But no worries, B III, it will never be Virgil Vivi. He’s here. Still collarless… May I remind you how you’d sometimes get your nail stuck in yours? And with all the button pushing, getting your collar off was just the worst. Did I finally find something I would not like to repeat?

Hell! To me, that’s called breathing. This is one more reason this week’s been horrible. All the time in the world, Braxton. And what have I done with it? I just push a button, son. And as the song goes, “What A Heavenly Way To Die.” Or at least I can pretend a lot B. “When we pretend that we’re dead.” That is not a game Virgil likes to play. Then again, I’m at the dining room table while his pillow is in the wash. Vomiting. Not this again, B. Especially with how next week will be. Fear, Pain? I’ll never forget the one when you left me here all alone. Didn’t I say Virgil’s here… How do I forgive myself? Just push a button.

But not one of these buttons has the word LIVE on the front. And even if one did B III… There’s always the one that sends me right back to sleep. We’re approaching 9:00 AM. Before I try lying away, you know what begins in November. NaNoWriMo? Um, No F… And I already screwed that up. I should wear pants with buttons more often. Only, it’s never a good thing anytime I leave the house, except for running with your Aunt Carolina. I hope you’re checking in on her and the doctors. There are so many buttons to push I could never be one. Only I’m not much of a writer either. Because existing Braxton, without your button nose, really sucks. B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 120 ~B Wear Failure Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Things I fail at. I can’t show gratitude for opening my eyes. I’m never positive about anything except being negative. I fail to be a “Law Abiding Citizen.” And I fail to escape humiliation by my own hand. A badge of honor? B Wear Failure Virgil

Sunday, October 29, 2023

Tale 120 ~B Wear Failure Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And how long will you look at failure? Today is Friday, October 27, 2023. So close enough…

You have Braxton’s old black hoodie. And you’re wearing his picture and a pendant full of his ashes. All you need to do now is switch your shirt and put on your jeans, and then? NOTHING! You’ll still be a failure! I don’t mean to sound so harsh, but as I said sometime this week, anger is more useful than despair. And the past few days have been all despair. Hell! This morning was the perfect example. Didn’t I say I was swearing off sleeping? Okay, more like naps. So, what did I do from 9:20 AM to 9:40 AM? It’s pretty sad, so early. When you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you. “I look at them, and we look at him.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Heather by G.C. McKay (Or…)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014 No Fap)* Real Girls Are An Exception.
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This list, my boys, me, myself, and I. It’s crazy, insanity, or as THEY say, Hell is repetition. And I relive as you will the same failure again and again, tearing up because of this. Braxton is dead. Dying on a Sunday doesn’t make everyone terrible. Only the truth. Please! “I want the truth!” You can’t handle the truth! So, unknown failures are blessings. And let’s not forget how I worship the dead. As you will, since Fear The Walking Dead is on tonight. Oh! The things I remember. A dead son, list, and show all about corpses, ha! If it’s any consolation, I know I’ve finished Heather by G.C. McKay. Horrible choice of words with what was done to Heather, Freya. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3 (Or something)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So the fact that such a book is… um, I won’t say. But I’m failing as a human being. Hmm. Only I’m suggesting we go burning it. But what about this hoodie? Hell! Burned Braxton. Now, that was pretty dark. Only you wear darkness, depression, and depravity. You could go all The Scarlet Letter and wear a big F for failure. Will you? Come on, I know with this week… The fact that we are speaking right now is that no matter what, you are F’ed. It’s why you haven’t given Virgil a collar yet and his tag. You’re not ready to rate an F as a father again. But in everything else? Because you’re not really alive. Neither am I. B Wear Failure, Virgil.

1001 Days Without B III, Day 442 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will