Tag: Rage

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

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When Braxton was around, this bed was good for one thing… Sleeping. Because who knows what would happen if I went beyond the door’s threshold. Food. Fury. Female Friends. But always there was the problem of FEAR. So positivity? X, B, V, Unknowns

Thursday, January 9, 2025

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

1439 Days Without B III, Day 880 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, you’d ask… After napping too long. How it was or what I did…

At this particular moment, I’m feeling lost, B. I’m wiping the tears from my face, struggling to be positive. I’ve even talked to Inspector Echo about FEAR, PAIN, and RAGE, my boy. You know your Dad can be a bit hot-headed for any number of reasons. But it comes to…

Stupidity. I want to ask you how you grew up so fast. Because being here…

Braxton, I know, I know! Again positivity. But everything, everyone, and everywhere makes no sense to me. It’s like I tell people all the time. I’m here. This point, space, and time. And like those same people B III It’s me, hi. I’m the problem; it’s me. Dear ole’ Dad.

Today, though, at this very moment, the thing that scares me is the Day Job. eSign Topper Change… Doesn’t look like anything to me. Even if you knew what to do you wouldn’t know what to do. It’s all Greek to me. And is there anything else from Pop Culture?

How about play? That ain’t something we should speak on. But my Dad never taught me about women. And now I’m into Judy Alvarez, who reminds me of a tattooed Irish lass. Sextra Credit. And now I have a thing for sisters, B. You swore off women… Not your aunt.

Thinking about our movie nights with her and food… I got forty dollars, Braxton. How do I live off that? It wouldn’t bother you any.

That was a bad joke, I know, but the fact that I could make it with how you passed away… But Virgil is here, and he’s still unknown. Even though you passed, goin on four long years. Still wakin’ up at late at night cryin’ tears. R. Kelly? Seriously? Disgusting!

Changing the subject… What book should I read next, B? I finished “It Can’t Happen Here.” I value your opinion, my boy. Though back in the day you left all the reading to me. Right?

There’s also TV. I finished the second season of Squid Game on Tuesday. Any thoughts? Well, other than that, I was Gi-hun, and you were Jung-bae. And I… The friendship?

Being positive? What will I do to honor you and to remember? Running late. Because into the unknown… I would rather sleep. You know about that. X, B, V, Unknowns

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 191 ~Virgil On Being Forgetful~

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“I don’t know. I guess we try to forget.” “I don’t wanna forget,” I remember humiliations at the Day Job, but I go. I remember having B, who loved me. I still wake up without him. I remember nice Yabbos, but there’s more. “Virgil On Being Forgetful.”

Wednesday, January 8, 2025

Meditation 191 ~Virgil On Being Forgetful~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… No, not that. An unforgivable sin? At the Day Job, I had a revelation on that one sin…

ACCEPTANCE. To accept the loss of my child, my firstborn son, Braxton Barks Bradford, B III. No! Never! That’s what led me to this week’s sin. Inspector Echo, The Question:

Why am I so down?

Effing Duh! This is the month I lost Braxton. And if the picture is correct, four years ago today was Braxton’s last vet visit before the two that would end his life. Comedy comes in threes. And talk about foreshadowing with the picture quality. Seriously…

What was I thinking? More to the point, what am I forgetting? I’m just a sucker for pain.

Once again, Inspector Echo, I’m not being negative; I’m simply stating the facts. History, Dear Inspector. It was my favorite subject in school. Next came reading.

So You Oughta Know. I swear my playlist continues to grow, and I haven’t listened to anything on Spotify this year. Yet. Anyway, history shouldn’t always be Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows. As MAGA wants it. It hurts sometimes. Learning through pain.

Inspector, I would be the smartest man alive… The Baddest Man Alive… Not that, either. But FEAR, PAIN, and RAGE. I remember those three more than anything next to B.

Only why do I continue to live the way I do if I know these three are waiting for me. Without my son’s protection… What did I do before I had Braxton in “my” universe?

“Sometimes I tell the boy old stories of courage and justice, difficult as they are to remember.” ― The Road

Step Into A World of music and books. I was a gamer, too, back in my schoolyard days as well.

But these days, it’s all dystopias and Squid Game 2. There are people of courage and conviction. And they care. I need to care to be positive. Try remembering Virgil’s name. And speaking of 2-V, he hasn’t forgotten what happened in his life before he arrived. One more reason V and I fit together… Because of past trauma. But what’s his? I wonder. And care…

Virgil’s forgetful, and if I could Be Like That… Oblivious, Indifferent, Lost… Those aren’t good things, I know. So it’s better to forget them but in exchange for what, Inspector?

That is the correct question.

Because positive is only a word. And I won’t let it become like Happy, Home, or Living. I won’t accept that. Virgil On Being Forgetful

“I don’t know. I guess we try to forget.”
“I don’t wanna forget,” Katniss, Peeta

1438 Days Without B III, Day 879 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 188 ~An Honest B Virgil~

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I got a well-deserved D in a Math class long ago. I cheated on a few French tests and got A’s and B’s. And then I got caught. However, I haven’t used THAT Math, and I can’t speak French, but being positive… I graduated. But life? “An Honest B Virgil”

Sunday, January 5, 2025

Meditation 188 ~An Honest B Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the only person you should be judging. I can’t stress this enough. Just a fact. Positive…

You’re gonna be positive. And yes, you know the word is Popular. As you know, that song has been everywhere from Wicked. Like B’s recommendations. The song “Popular” is not one of them. But there is also Squid Game 2. Indeed, the popular things of this day and age. More importantly, they’re honest. What about you? You’re an honest man…

Well, this is our first time talking in the new year. So how do you feel? Oh, the tears, hmm? You’re tired, but you have a bed. Everything has to have a positive spin. Inevitably…

You’ll be sad again. You should start your resolutions on Monday, February 3, 2025. Braxton? At the moment. It looks like you’ll repeat the day. Like failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
    Failed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)*
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Just the facts. And here’s another one. Being positive isn’t on any list for the new year, friend. Not a resolution or an Impossible Thing. So why bother? Popularity… Popular.

You’re not putting that in Braxton’s playlist. You’re more inclined to add the Squid Game 2 Version of “Fly Me To The Moon.” Would that make you popular? But in all honesty…

Do you know what’s not popular? Complaining about life, crying over Braxton, and talking about all the women that make you cream your pants when you’re wearing any.

I only bother when Virgil needs to go outside or get food. That’s another thing as well. Stop being such a crabby pants when speaking on Virgil. At this rate, he’ll make Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 008, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

There’s also the fact that you don’t need to bring up cash, the house’s current state, and the country’s sad state in two weeks. And the company you call a Day Job. Am I saying don’t be a C-Student? You should be so lucky. And once again, the facts. You have to be positive, which is the only advice. But is that being honest starting this year? Don’t I wish.

Somehow. I don’t know how, but yes, somehow. LIE. A lie can be positive… Enough.

However, the question is, how do you look at yourself? A good student doesn’t make a happy person. Learning to say you’re happy is a positive thing. And biggest falsehood.

When said enough… Don’t finish that. An Honest B Virgil.

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1435 Days Without B III, Day 876 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 187 ~Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth~

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Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. I’m saying the apocalyptic and dystopian for books or January 6 -20. But good news, there’s no termites and I’m dismissing negativity. As far as being positive. Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth

Saturday, January 4, 2025

Meditation 187 ~Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But I have more respect than most because I don’t use my children as armor… Elon.

That’s me being positive and stating the facts. But I won’t lie, my dearest Lunalesca. Despite the challenges, I’m holding on to my positivity. Somehow…

Positivity is a long, long road… Tom Petty today with “Love Is a Long Road.” B is doing what he can with the music. If I focus on what happened yesterday, Lady Lu, I mean…

On the positive side, the termite inspector said there are no termites. My Lunalesca? I’m going to cheer for that because everything after… Well, Braxton talked to me. From beyond…

Speaking of Braxton, I remember when he first stepped into the invisible? I was in a stage of Denial for around seventy days before a manager pushed me towards anger.

Within three days of the new year… My leaning towards positivity has been shaken, Lu. I’m feeling a bit lost right now. So I’m here.

And if that isn’t enough, I discovered two things last night. One by myself and the other Lunalesca… Well, I was Doomscrolling, so somebody else said it, but honestly, Lunalesca.

I’m going to blame the tears on being Blinded by the Light. Bruce Springsteen? Really? Lu, I’m constantly researching what happened to B. I asked off the Day Job for his memorial at the end of the month. But I’ve always said it was my indifference that ended B III.

Lunalesca that led me to the second discovery. I was listening to this woman speak on these tragedies that define us. And that we make them the end all be all of our lives, Lu.

Name something greater than my son? I was/am a father.

I’m the King Of New York, I’m a mothereffin’ Starboy. And I’m Free. I have to work on Braxton’s playlist. It’s been four days. Let me say that again. IT’S BEEN FOUR DAYS into the new year. So ask me how I’m feeling about it. Lady Lunalesca, without any negativity.

Everything and everyone has made it their goal to forbid me from leaving this room. Luna, it’s my own room 1408. Okay, so that means more time to get to know Virgil with his four years. I’m on episode four of Squid Game and skipping the whole Dub vs Sub.

I’ve got Braxton, Virgil, my work, and then myself. If comedy comes in threes, then what comes fourth. Bravery, Wisdom, Honesty… Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth

1434 Days Without B III, Day 875 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 185 ~Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil~

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“This isn’t too bad…” I’d tell B after anything I wrote. B couldn’t read, or could he if his looking down on my t-shirts was a sign. But he’s not looking down on me now… He wants me to follow through with writing. “Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil.”

Thursday, January 2, 2025

Meditation 185 ~Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil~

1432 Days Without B III, Day 873 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I promise to be positive, I promise to be positive, I promise to be positive!

Yes, those are tears in my eyes, B. I’m only tired… mostly. And the day hasn’t even begun yet. Does it start from my first breath at midnight? Does it begin with eyes wide open?

You know we’re coming back to that. The first song you sent this morning, Braxton. Creed’s, With Arms Wide Open. But anyway, we’re talking about how the day begins, B.

Is it when I do something like go to the Day Job? Again, I promise you, little B III, positivity. It could be the day’s beginning, which is actually my DECOMPRESSION. When I give myself fifteen minutes rushing back to bed after I return and Make The World Go Away.

Obviously, with your musical selections today. Tupac, though, “rapped” this. However, with you B:

I feel his (paw) on my brain. When I write rhymes, I go blind and let (my son) do his thang

And speaking of all the music. There are so many things I need to do at the beginning of the year. For example, what will be the first song I play on Spotify? Something positive…

How about something promising? That’s Creed for ya. But you were a “happy” accident when you became my son. I’m sure you knew about your brother before I ever did.

And with Virgil’s Gotcha Day, I need to take off from the Day Job at the end of the month. A day to honor you, my son. And that leads me to what I’ve been thinking of a bit, B.

“What can I do to get me to you?” I swear you know your music as much as I sang. Obviously, that’s Steve Conte’s “Call Me Call Me.” Anything but positive. But I am trying.

And in my quest to make our future bright, I made a promise to you. I promised to become an author, to buy a big house with a massive yard for you to guard. And in this house, we would be so far from the hustle and bustle of the world, except for your honorary aunt. And of course, I promised you two-legged siblings too.

You’d be an Old Man saying, I’m getting too old for this (stuff). Promises, Resolutions. Like Master Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.” If… when I succeed in building you Heaven, Paradise, and Elysium, you will return. But positivity… You never left me. Braxton’s Promising Rhymes Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 184 ~Virgil, Don’t B Negative~

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I’ve tried before. To not complain, be negative, or be pretty darn gross. Good luck with the third. But if I’m not posting, seeing a priority, or paid message, I’m not talking to OF. But how about myself, my son, or Virgil? “Virgil, Don’t B Negative”

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Meditation 184 ~Virgil, Don’t B Negative~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Oh! And Happy New Year!!! My sin today, Inspector. I won’t be myself. I’ll be someone brand new…

Because I escaped the holiday season without hearing “All I Want for Christmas Is You” in its entirety. Mind you, the first song that came to mind was “The Hardest Button to Button,” Which, as I read now, is about a child in a dysfunctional family with a new baby.

And here I thought it was a message from my Braxton to button up negativity. Or keeping my pants buttoned… I’m glad I didn’t give in last night, Dearest Inspector. It’s been a constant battle, but I’m holding on today.

Speaking of which, the first b$$bs, Yabbos, Copious Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, and Humongous Headlights! I saw this morning… More like imagined were Cherry’s. And I didn’t break. But this morning’s blessing…

I was able to get out of bed to talk.

But I’m talking to you, give or take a few whispered epitaphs after picking Cherry. Inspector, I couldn’t do anything since New Year’s Eve isn’t too kind on fur buddies. Virgil spent the night pacing before he lay beside me. Can’t say something nice… Right?

But books can. They fill the silence with their stories and characters. And to fill the silence, I’ve tuned into Succubus Lord 3, my friend. I’ll admit it’s a lot more difficult not to say anything sarcastic, saddening, or spicy. Didn’t I talk about Cherry as she told me about the essay she’s written? As I thought of her lovely…

Books? Right? “It Can’t Happen Here” will be my first read of the new year. Plus, I’ve been moving even more into the dystopian genre, dearest Inspector. Laws beating libido…

Because of Trump on Monday, January 20, 2025. Again, today is not one for negativity. So what about Friday, January 31, 2025? A day to honor and remember my Braxton.

Blessed are those who mourn… More like, blessed are those that don’t need the big bucks because I will not be going to the day job then or the next. Oh, Braxton, Lift Me Up…

But I should be doing that for him. I should be doing it for myself. I did it today. That is why we’re talking across the table. And what happens afterward? Braxton and his music.

“You’ve got to put one foot in front of the other. Put your other foot down, down, down.” And not worry… Virgil, Don’t B Negative

1431 Days Without B III, Day 872 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

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The fact that I came down the stairs on a bum leg to talk to myself, knowing I won’t paid, is a miracle. I kill myself at the Day Job for what I believe is BS. But next year, I want to know I’m doing something as I sit here. Can’t B Done, Virgil

Sunday, December 29, 2024

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what can I say as we look at each other one last time? You made it…

I wish I had been kinder to Ladies Lunalesca and Sophia. There is also Inspector Echo, and especially Braxton. Oh! You just realized what you sounded like. The date, friend.

But the only number you were thinking about when you woke up was three. Seriously. Two of them, as in thirty-three percent, you need to read today to stay on track. And close out this year with the novel It Can’t Happen Here. Which brings me to today’s question, friend. Can it be done? So let it be written. So let it be done. Are you to be a pharaoh?

At present, you have no idea what you’re going to do with the new year. Hell! This year, I haven’t accomplished these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And I had one extra day since it was a leap year. I got two, maybe three at a stretch. And with this being our last conversation. You will already admit that you failed number six. You don’t have the money for number five. And the others… You can’t keep writing these things down and not doing anything with them. Shall that be my advice to you today? You looked over your New Year’s Resolutions from previous years. How close did you come to accomplishing any of them? Should you let Braxton Barks choose them?

What about your Dear Future Wife? How you wish you were one for planning, brother.

You can come up with the simplest things. But still, there’s these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Knowledge is stronger than belief. Again, you wish you were one for having a plan. As you have the words of 55 books at your disposal. 56 if you can finish before Wednesday, ha-ha. It depends on the Yabbos and levels of intimacy. Eww! Can you stop? Yes. But Will?

Will you stop? There are so many things you can do. But will you? Or, as Yoda put it. Uh.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” Master Yoda

People nowadays are all about, LET’S GO! You’ve gone back and forth on Battle Cries…

Do It For B III
Do It For Your Son
Whatever You Do, Do It For Braxton Barks Bradford Will
Always And Forever For Braxton
May Braxton Be With You
Anything And Everything For Braxton

Can 2025 be done? Will you? Can’t B Done, Virgil

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1428 Days Without B III, Day 869 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 180 ~To B Graded Virgil~

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I can still be graded even if I don’t go to class. The School of Hard Knocks. Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life, as Prince said. And if I can get a D. Eww. I have mine. But existing… To B Graded Virgil.

Saturday, December 28, 2024

Meditation 180 ~To B Graded Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Then again, what were my grades in school? I remember praying for D’s. Eww! Seriously, Dude?

Don’t worry. When I broke my five-day streak last night, Lady Lunalesca. It was all because of a girl. That was one of the reasons I dropped out of college. Another was the humiliation from one of the professors… She forgot I was even there, Lady Lunalesca. Geez! But understandable…

And that’s not what I want to talk about today. Really? How about wanting to forget myself? And then I wonder why nobody knows who I am. If I excel at anything, it’s self-depreciation. I would get all A’s in that. Hurting, Humiliation, and Humor. And didn’t I say before the comedian is dead? No, that would be my firstborn son. And now I’m crying.

Over Braxton? There’s always a tear for him, but I’m tired for the most part.

Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. Let’s start with Math. And having to go to the post office before it closes. That’s at noon. And then I have to pay a few hundred bucks, which I don’t have. And after that, I deserve a reward, haha, so I’ll get a piggy potato but with brisket. Oh goody, expensive. I’ll waste more money. And what about grocery shopping? I’ll waste another day in the cold because I couldn’t get up to go yesterday. Can’t get it up? Sigh

Lunalesca, didn’t I say I broke late last night looking up Stuff & Thangs? Like Michael Jackson sang, PYT. And sharing parts of Nightmare At The Meat Market on X.

https://twitter.com/WillsWants/status/1872992767225598448

Lunalesca? Now, I’ll start back at one. Like wearing pants…

Maybe if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to send M Anime Chapters 1-7 of Nightmare At The Meat Market. And what was that promise of 2:00 PM? And I couldn’t even keep my word. It was around that time, anyway. But when has my writing made me a dime, helped my doggy son, or been a delight? And reading. I’ve only failed one reading test, and that was in the 6th grade. I didn’t read the book, whatever it was, Lu, ok.

I must finish Fahrenheit 451, today. And then buy It Can’t Happen Here, the only book I haven’t read from my list. Would it be suitable for Braxton? How would he grade my existence after Christmas? To B Graded Virgil

1427 Days Without B III, Day 868 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 178 ~B’s Bad Day, Virgil~

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It’s sad to say I had better days when B III was sitting on my head, and I couldn’t breathe. Now I hit the snooze button and hope I’m not breathing in 15. Christmas spirit indeed… Don’t check my “OF.” Such are the times, the days. B’s Bad Day, Virgil

Thursday, December 26, 2024

Meditation 178 ~B’s Bad Day, Virgil~

1425 Days Without B III, Day 866 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It is 4:10 PM. So my day… Well, I didn’t share it with your brother.

Though Virgil is asleep at the foot of the bed. He still stays off your corner. And your bed, B? I don’t even worry about it. Your scent lingers, Braxton. If Life Finds A Way…

However, there’ll be more on that later. How was my day? It was a bit of a rollercoaster, B. Some parts were horrible, some were terrible, and some were just plain stupid. But I’m here, and I’m thinking of you.

Let’s start with standing in the Walmart parking lot in the rain and thinking weirdly. Usually, they start at the Day Job and come out fully cooked coming back. And speaking of fully cooked, we need to talk about Christmas too. Seeing your grandparents, B.

Anyway. Here is the thought: I’ve never had three good days in a row. Before. With. And even after you. Comedy comes in threes, right? But evil is infinite B…

And you, my son, were my Langolier. Where do I keep getting these nicknames I never called you in life? I swear I should read a Stephen King novel. Not that I regret reading Brave New World, 1984, and apparently the appendix edition of Fahrenheit 451. And I want to waste more money on Satan’s Sorority Girls 8, Ryan and His Beauties 2, and Bikini Sunset. And I still have to read, It Can’t Happen Here” What, a good day?

Again, three good ones in a row. But what counts as a good day in my eyes? One, where I don’t mind opening them. Even if you were sitting on my head. No homo, as Todd would say. One where dropping dead is No Bueno.

But let’s sum up yesterday… I visited your grandparents for Christmas and sat with your great-grandma. I didn’t talk much and let your little brother take the heat. I filled up two to-go boxes… three if you were here and left. Then I took Christmasy pictures, you shouldn’t see. Eww.

And today? I went to the Day Job and had to lead a guy around as we made Christmas disappear and got doused in green glitter. I got hit in the face, my leg is hurting again, and of course, Humiliations Galore. Humiliated at Walmart, robbed, and a nap later…

And here we are. Needless to say, I don’t wanna go to work. Friday is gonna be effed. There’ve been worse. B’s Bad Day, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 177 ~We’ll B Merry Virgil~

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I know how to ruin a holiday. I am my father’s son. And all it took was a message to come *home*. Like my son B, we have peculiar ideas about home. Safe in our warm beds not somewhere over the rainbow or a white Christmas. “We’ll B Merry Virgil”

Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Meditation 177 ~We’ll B Merry Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Oh! And Merry Christmas… But what do I know, seeing as today is the 23rd… 24th, Inspector Echo?

But Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas. So why am I like this today? It’s like I’m my Old Man having to apologize for yelling on Christmas Day. One of the few times he ever did, Echo.

Usually, he would get my Ma to do it. And speaking of my Olds, that’s part of the reason we’re talking this evening. I don’t know what I dread more: getting a call to come home or not. As I lack any other opportunities, I would rather stay here starving.

Inspector, sigh, bed is where I want to be. And you know I can go without food for a bit. And while I won’t discuss what I got for Christmas, there are always my comparisons. Wednesday’s Family vs. Thursday’s Hell.

Better known as having a Day Job. Hey, sometimes I get paid early. As if it matters. Do you see a tree or stockings here? I didn’t even spring for one of those candles that smells like cookies. My Ma regretted that decision one Christmas Eve, my dear Inspector Echo.

The Olds will provide… If I’m not becoming my Old Man. Then you can call me Scrooge, Inspector. And yes, I know this is sad for me and for what Braxton wants for me and his little brother. Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry, my Ma, my younger sister, and even my nephews. His heart grew three sizes that day, THEY say. This Grinch, Santa Claus…

Inspector, I didn’t ask Santa to mend my broken heart, the one that shattered when I lost my little Braxton.

I didn’t ask for a lot of things. And if you asked me yesterday… The 23rd. What did I want most of all? I’ll admit I would have been at a loss. But Thursday, December 24, 2024, at 2:44 PM, well… I want to join my son, as I told Dear Future Wife. Braxton’s Life… Inspector, the desire to have my son back never goes away. Then there’s the people!

Inspector, I swear I only wanted to go to the bank, pet store, and, sadly, the gas station so I might acquiesce to my father’s wishes. Unless Santa takes me in my sleep. The North Pole, Ninth Circle, Home… Same difference. Because being merry this week… Christmas Day. Not very bright… We’ll B Merry Virgil

1424 Days Without B III, Day 865 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will