Tag: Silence

Meditation 282 ~Virgil Has Tales, Braxton~

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For once, I’m not crying, complaining, or considering I’m not the best father for my boys B and V. My sons are better men and good dogs. As for me? I claimed slothfulness earlier. And now I’m writing. Is that what I call it? Virgil Has Tales, Braxton

Wednesday, April 9, 2025

Meditation 282 ~Virgil Has Tales, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And while you are my judge, jury, and executioner. What you are not is a librarian or editor.

You are an investigator, my Inspector Echo. And I am a writer. Laughs hysterically, Ha! Can’t I see what day it is? Wednesday, April 2, 2025? But as I told you earlier this morning, the Day Job called. And Braxton and Virgil wouldn’t care to hear about it. Or books…

The Eve of a Cherry is one of the books I want to talk about today. Why? Do you want to hear me grieve more about Braxton or say something unkind about little Virgil Vivi?

Thought so! But The Eve of a Cherry is criminality, wanting to be flattery. And I need a refresher, considering M Anime asked for it. Her nightmare inspired “Nightmare at the Meat Market.” Cherry inspired “The Eve of a Cherry.”

Cherry Roslyn Fae is a murderess, offing the lovers of a man, Cade Xavier Cosgrove. He runs to America, and Cherry’s mother, Anna Cecilia Fae, hoping to avoid the law, flees with Cherry to the States. Both Mum and daughter fall into the hands of Father Bridgeman and The Moondust organization and Bridgman’s pseudo-son, the Boy. Forced into several (adult situations) to cover their crimes, both Cherry and Anna attempt to avoid ending up dead and further deviance and depravity. Only in the end… Uh, The Eve of a Cherry.

Does that pique your interest, Inspector? I sent the whole thing to Cherry, and… crickets.

She’s talking to me again; this was years ago. But of course, I still have my Day Job. My writing…

And now, M Anime is becoming quite the writer herself. Remember Triond? But Inspector… Words!

“Nightmare At The Meat Market” stars Sofía Ana Acosta, a retail employee stalked by a man named Antonio Mateo Correa. In an effort to get away, she takes a night shift from her employer, which turns into working at a brothel. She’s an adult film star in illegal cinema. Cherry Fae Kensington is Mr. Thornfield’s personal assistant who owns Max-Mart (Names). She manipulates Sofía for the CEO with William Atlas Beckford. Though they all seek to escape, control, or destroy the organization. Antonio? Cuck, NTR? Nightmare At The Meat Market.

Do I feel ashamed writing such things? If it fed my boys. Tell them better stories. Virgil Has Tales, Braxton

1529 Days Without B III, Day 970 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 280 ~Wants, Wishes, Whatnot, B-Rated~

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I like to think that I’m a “Simple Man.” I’m sure lots of people think that I’m simple enough. And that my sons, four legs, fur, and friendship were/are better men. Both of them would make better Presidents. But me? “Wants, Wishes, Whatnot, B-Rated.”

Monday, April 7, 2025

Meditation 280 ~Wants, Wishes, Whatnot, B-Rated~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… not an enigma to be solved or with enough of my fur to be glued back together. A genie…

You wish to have me back every day. A few times every day. One more reason you either try to fill the world with noise or you crave sleep the same way I wanted McDonald’s. That sounds so good right now, but this isn’t the movie Bedazzled. And you don’t have $3.47. How much does a Big Mac and a Coke cost now? Also, you got what, a buck fifty?

Also, also, I’m not the Devil. I’m always and forever your son. Our bond transcends time and space. Whether it’s a real-time conversation or a moment in the future, I’ll always be your son. Daddy?

Today or next week, I am what you wish for the most. But there is more, my father. I promise you there is. Like Virgil?

“Ain’t got no money. Ain’t got no fancy car. Don’t live a life of a millionaire. Or a movie star.” But you’ve sang to him. He snacked with you on Zaxby’s yesterday. And even when the house was burning up. He sat with you as you read about missing… Me.

Honestly, Dad, I’ve got “Nothing But Love” for you both. Like father, like son, Dad. However, I can’t blame you for thinking that it is not enough. Fortune, fame… Everything!

“I ask for wealth, I ask for fame
I ask for glory to shine on my name
I ask for love I can possess
I ask for God and his angels to bless me.”
Notre Dame, God Help the Outcasts

It’s your second wish. Your promise to me when I had everything. I wish you believed it. I would look at you and think, “The World Is Yours,” and in this moment, I am happy.

But you believe if you had me and money… Maybe…

You wouldn’t be afraid. That’s your third wish. To never be afraid ever again. Daddy? Dad, I could tell you, Be Not So Fearful, but I might as well say quit breathing or breaking your heart over me. How about not mooning over Cherry’s and M Anime’s Yabbos? My favorite girl… I can moon over hers. I mean, Dad, you gave me comfy spots, however…

Anyway, if we talked about Yabbos or what you’re afraid of right this second… Seriously, we would have eternity together. But you’re wishing for what you want right now, Dad.

To have me your boy, Elon’s billions, and to Live Brave because then comes power. However, hear me or don’t. All You Need Is Love. How? Wants, Wishes, Whatnot, B-Rated.

“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness, I want sin.”
― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

“Without hope we live in desire”
― Virgil, Dante’s Inferno

1527 Days Without B III, Day 968 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 279 ~B Aware Reminded Virgil~

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Old enough to forget how to breathe. Too harsh? I should have forgotten at 17. Braxton didn’t forget at 15, but he stopped… And whose fault is that? Virgil is 4, and he wonders how I do it. And why I rushed into the rain. B Aware Reminded Virgil

Sunday, April 6, 2025

Meditation 279 ~B Aware Reminded Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… In case you have forgotten, these lights, the water, and the air keeping Virgil TOASTY isn’t yours.

But if you had your way, you’d forget how to breathe. Forty years, but you keep going at it. I forgot to stop too. So it’s not your fault. Only if it keeps raining as it has been for the past hour… FEAR is the strongest advocate for stopping making a mockery of your existence.

But Braxton must be remembered. And Virgil needs his father. He hasn’t gone running yet. Virgil hates the rain. You hate the backyard fence… in the rain. Backyard fence repair.

Yeah, that’s one more thing you haven’t erased from the phone as of yet. You have every reason to quit. I was saying yesterday, after all the pictures of Yabbos, what’s left? A list of failures. My Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Personal Assistant for My Dad’s Best Friend ― Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Like father, like son. You and Braxton were both constantly looking for comfy spots. Ha! Braxton had his favorite girl. But today, you had no girl in particular. Yet B’s favorite girl. M Anime and Cherry are prominent in your gallery. Like you’d forget them.

However, I don’t need to ask why you’re so down today. Fearing the backyard fence… Sure. But you like the rain. It makes everything slow down. Reminds people of mortality.

Again, Braxton found his wings (a picture on the phone), you’re still breathing (unfortunately), and you’re wrapped up in blankets, shaking in fear. Effing fencing…

Braxton would be ashamed… Probably not. Braxton and Virgil, too, are better men than you. That’s why you rushed into the storm. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Comfort After Pet Loss; Effectively Cope with… by Xydnee James
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

One to add is living without fear or, at the very least, “Be Not So Fearful.” Only this comes from a man who nearly creams for a girl at least a thousand miles away, a couple of models, and a ton of anime. Well, not anymore; you reduced the gallery to 300 or so this morning. All left are pictures of your sons, three pretty girls, anime, things that scare you, make you sad, or a smorgasbord of your mind. You need to see this type of stuff. What you need to do is forget all you know. Is there anything that should stay? Memories…

There’s a high school bench. Your First Time. Your son on your shoulder. But FEAR remains. B Aware Reminded Virgil.

1526 Days Without B III, Day 967 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 276 ~Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil~

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I always make time for my homies, homeboys, those homebodies that I call my sons B and V. Even if their Dad has a million things going on. The good news is that I can hardly see them with all the pollen. Is this home? Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil.

Thursday, April 3, 2025

Meditation 276 ~Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil~

1523 Days Without B III, Day 964 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I should know, considering you spend more time here than on The Rainbow Bridge or wherever I sent you… Home

Though I can’t blame you for saying Take me “Back to Paradise.” Nice up there…

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and it’s been 1523 Days. You’ve remained here with me. I gotta tell you, B, I feel like a bit of an A-hole. And wait till I tell you what I said to your potential stepmom the other day. I’ve got to stop calling M Anime that. Instead, what about your favorite girl? Were you here when I introduced her to Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise? I wish I could remember. The fact that I can’t is pretty sad.

That’s the thing about allergies. Am I crying about you, or are my eyes effed up? Depression, Prolonged Grief, or mourning in general. It’s home.

Did I really just say that? And it’s not right, fair, or just to you or myself. At least that’s what all the Pet Loss books say, Little B. Not that I would know. I didn’t start this morning with reading. Instead, as has become routine, I was mass deleting Yabbos off the phone. I wanted to go Wheeler Walker, Jr. with it. Uh… But didn’t I teach you to be a gentleman, B III? Yeah, tell that to your aunt? This brings me to M Anime. I’m no better.

I offered her up to $700 to get her sans clothing. Seriously. How much did I pay to keep you alive, B, and then boxed up? That box isn’t your home. You’re still teaching me.

Neither is the way I’ve been feeling. And I’m not talking about the pollen season. Honestly, it’s always the mental over the physical. And at the moment… Well, my mind is always on three or four things. You, Braxton, and your brother Virgil. Big Yabbos.

Truthfully, I’m annoyed that such and such posted pictures of Anna and Riko Ichinose from Ran Sem. That means I should be splicing movies, but nope! I’m a writer, Braxton.

More importantly, I’m your father. And home is where the heart is and not other parts of myself. But you know how I feel about words like home. I’m here. That’s that. But you made here better… Safe and sound, less skeevy. Telling your little brother. Braxton’s My Homie, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 275 ~Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When was the last time I had good news? I’ve heard some “good” things about politics, but Trump is president. We’re effed. I got more hours at the Day Job, but I’m a misanthrope. I’m reading about dogs, but mourning my boy. Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil.

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Meditation 275 ~Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What? I haven’t harmed the messenger… yet. But I’m going to deliver some bad news. So what sin?

SLOTH, considering it’s almost 8 AM. And I haven’t gotten out of bed. I’m using all my injuries as excuses. ENVY @thatgoodnewsgirl because that won’t ever be me. I mean, as in telling you anything happy and positive with me. And I’ve bared false witness since I have taken the trash out. I took Virgil outside. I’ve read a bit. But getting me to Heaven…

I have no knowledge of how that could happen. But that’s where I sent Braxton.

Inspector, that’s the bad news “Every Morning.” And you wonder why I say, “Let it burn,” from a political perspective. My Braxton saw me through the first Trump Presidency. Since I lost my son, well… Four years later, I’m still reading titles on Pet Loss.

Oh, how I wish SLOTH, ENVY, and lying were my only sins today. I tell Virgil that things will get better. That I will be better. I’m sure Braxton whispers to him from the void.

“I see dead people.”
―

That’s what Virgil must be saying to himself. Plus, he’s survived 963 days here, Inspector.

Like father, like son. But I have the luxury of just one more sin. Uh oh, and oh my, LUST.

So what’s the bad news? It’s whatever gets me up in the morning. Besides having to see about my boys. Crying over Braxton, which I haven’t done today, or again seeing to my Virgil’s needs. There are always some big yabbos on the phone. Today, it was Ciri, Triss, and Yennefer sans their clothing. And I texted M Anime back.

Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom? I have to stop thinking about her as such. But “Nightmare At The Meat Market” and “The Eve Of A Cherry.” Where am I on finishing and editing those two books? Now, next week is going to be spent at the day job. I swear, Inspector.

Isn’t making more money good news? “Not like this… Not like this,” The Day Job… Having the new schedule, the news, the knowledge that I have to go outside, Inspector.

I understand why people choose ignorance. And the good news is I’m not like them. There’s more good news, nobody has called me STUPID today. With my mother effing eyes, I can’t look at myself to do the honors. Allergies ha-ha! Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil

1522 Days Without B III, Day 963 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 273 ~Just Look Up B~

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I’ve never prayed for better for me. I wish for better for my sons. That B ended up wherever good boys go. And if I were going anywhere than the 9th circle, he’d keep a warm spot by the fire for me. V deserves better. He looks up. Just Look Up B

Monday, March 31, 2025

Meditation 273 ~Just Look Up B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Can’t you see me? Do you even want to? It’s like seeing what time it is. You’re not late.

But I bet you never wished I’d be sitting on your head, serving as an alarm clock. Or a rooster… Fifteen years, Daddy and I never got to see one of those chickens in person. Or doggie. What was one of my rules? The best breasts, legs, and thighs came in a bucket or box. Ha! Remember those times, Dad?

But being in a box myself… Seriously, Dad, are you laughing at me? Are those tears of joy? Sadness? Or is it from that yellow dust flying everywhere? It’s storming outside. But how much of that got into my little brother’s fur? Virgil’s still white as a ghost or spirit.

Honestly! Virgil could be afraid. Or is he still a blank page waiting for you to define love for him?

You haven’t been writing about love a lot, my father. Pain, Pollen, and potential stepmoms.

Do you remember when I had to take my medicine? And you always had to put it in something good. Like father, like son. And this worked to my benefit. When you would go out. But you would come back with those golden stick thingies that would taste so good. Those were the moments I cherished, Dad. Those fancy foods…

Did I mention there are so many things to love about The Rainbow Bridge… Food, futons, and comfy spots galore, and the color fuchsia… Well, more like colors in general, Daddy. Though, like you, I prefer black and red. Our battle standard. Our flag. Representation.

The thing about that, Dad, is that you must look up to see it. Everything

Sure, there are reasons to look down. When you would pick me up. Don’t forget to pick V up. Mostly, you do that because you don’t like his panicky run as if you would shut him out. Like father, like son. You think I left you 1520 Days ago. But I didn’t. Only, Dad, you have me feeling a bit like Robin Williams in What Dreams May Come. Do you remember? It’s okay to remember. It’s OK to feel. But:

“It ends when you want to stop hurting (him)”.
―

When you stop thinking of my ashes and the dust-to-dust stuff, dream of the better world you imagined for me. When you see the words from your lap, put them on shelves. When Virgil’s on your shoulder like me, or you see my stepmom’s eyes and my siblings in your arms. Just Look Up B

“Raising the dead when it suits us…”
Raymond A. Villareal

“The only hope for the doomed is no hope at all…”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1520 Days Without B III, Day 961 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 272 ~Spring Braxton and Virgil~

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I wanted to escape with B. To spring us from the Hell called life. He did. It took about 16 years but he’s free. And V? He’s got the name of someone condemned. And me. Fire in my eyes, and I’m still cold. It must be Spring. Spring Braxton and Virgil.

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Meditation 272 ~Spring Braxton and Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And your Ma would be proud. Bible study on a Sunday morning… Who are you, my friend?

Well, you still can’t answer that. But things could be worse… Eff! Don’t jinx yourself.

Anyway, you could be crying. Okay, you are crying, but not on purpose. Braxton’s death…

No. You’re crying because Spring has sprung, and your eyes are itching and stinging like a Mother Effer. I’m sorry I went outside. Pollen sucks! Did you think it’d get better with age? One more reason being 40 sucks as well. You watched your son die, and you still study:

“Come, ye children, hearken unto me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.”
Psalm 34:11, King James Version

And before the Christians get super excited, you’ve also been catching up with the Greeks. Phobos and Deimos, to be precise. Why are you studying up on FEAR? Mental anguish trumps physical pain. And you FEAR physical ailments. Oh, and not failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Beauty and the Professor ―
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

What’s done is done. Or rather not done. And you’re failing Braxton’s little brother, too. You can’t forget about Virgil. He’s lying at the foot of the bed, which is why you’re not “Humpin’ Around” this very second. You did find risqué pictures of Tifa Lockhart and Aerith Gainsborough. You read some of “Personal Assistant for My Dad’s Best Friend” by Kelli Wolfe. What, and not all of it? Yes, I know, “Sorry, Blame It On Me.” I’m the one who smashed your finger yesterday. I’m “The Reason” your eyes are burning up. I know!

“I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say, before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me.”
The Reason

You have to imagine Cherry’s Yabbos and what she could do with her Cherry lips. You’re wondering if Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom Doo Wop (That Thing). Seriously, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Personal Assistant for My Dad’s Best Friend ― Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You should also stop referring to M Anime as the stepmom. What are the odds that you two will ever make the bedsprings sing? Not this week or even in this godforsaken season of Spring. Are you looking forward to a “Cruel Summer?” The Bananarama version, not Taylor Swift. What’s with all the music, mattress talk, and manuscripts this morning?

Anything to forget how you feel today. To think I had it bad yesterday. “Look at you; now look at me.” Spring is supposed to be a time of blooming. New marks, mistakes, and mammaries. Mornings are not the time for you. “JEEZU,” you’re just trying to “Hold On” and not miss Braxton too much. Or mention music… Escaping your misery. Spring Braxton and Virgil.

1519 Days Without B III, Day 960 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 269 ~Virgil Saves Space Braxton~

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At one point, I wanted to be an astronaut. But Math, Science, and general education. Nobody taught me how to be an Ordinary Human. I’m better than MAGA/Republicans. But FDT. My sons are better men. And I’m spacing out. Virgil Saves Space Braxton

Thursday, March 27, 2025

Meditation 269 ~Virgil Saves Space Braxton~

1516 Days Without B III, Day 957 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? And what about your brother? Virgil’s day hasn’t REALLY begun. Like father, like son, right?

So, I am acknowledging him as my son. While you are like my SUN. Yes, it’s morning, so you need to go outside. I don’t know what I miss more. A pretty, pretty girl sitting on my face. Or you plopping down on my head to wake me up. I’m lying, ain’t I, Little B?

Always and forever, I’ll miss you more. “Every Morning,” I wake up a bit disappointed. Now that the world isn’t ending as the song goes. It’s like, well… I don’t know how you’ll take this as a compliment or an insult. But it’s something I was thinking about a bit.

“Now that the world isn’t ending
It’s love that I’m sending to you
It isn’t the love of a hero
And that’s why I fear it won’t do.”
Chad Kroeger

Braxton, my son, you were like an asteroid, a comet, and my rock that I discovered, or rather you found me. Do you remember my sister? Pet Parenting wasn’t for her then. But two-legged kids…

Anyway, I knew one day you’d destroy me. And then here comes my Virgil. And what did I expect from V? Virgil didn’t save Dante in the Inferno. He was only a guide for him.

But what I’m getting at is this. It’s like I’m constantly teetering between wanting to be destroyed and wanting to be saved. And these days, I’m leaning more towards burning.

Neither Virgil nor I have any sense of what to do. We’re both floating along. I want to say we’re aliens, but we’re more like “Two Ghosts.” That’s not fair. You’re the dead guy here.

“We’re not who we used to be
We’re not who we used to be
We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.”
Two Ghosts, Harry Styles

My Braxton… I was there when you took your last breath of air. And now there’s air, air everywhere, and no breath to breathe. Or, again, I don’t want to. However, “Here I Am” SIGH

Virgil is lying at the foot of the bed, giving me space as if that’s helping. He could be afraid. I wish I could sing to him, “Be Not So Fearful,” but I’d also be lying to myself. I’m afraid, Little B. I’m always scared.

“Be not so fearful, be not so pale
Someone watches you; you will not leave the rails
Be not so fearful, be not so pale.”
― Be Not So Fearful

So, how am I staving off this fear? While I was spacing out how I’d waste my time, I was clearing out my phone. How many pictures of Yabbos does your daddy have? Too many.

None of Cherry or you and Virgil’s future stepmom. I should stop calling M Anime that. There are other girls… I’m a Cosmic Castaway believing… someday… Virgil Saves Space Braxton.

“But I’m not broken; in my dream, I win
And I take over ’cause I’m no loser
And I’m in, and you’re not. Bad dreams don’t stop
But I’m all screwed up, a cosmic castaway.”
Cosmic Castaway, Song by
Electrasy

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 268 ~Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

The day I finally publish a book… Really. Don’t ever feed an AI one chapter of a story where America Horror Story looks tame by comparison. And what about all the time I waste on other people’s words? Did I say waste? “Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton.”

Wednesday, March 26, 2025

Meditation 268 ~Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… If and if I had to declare, define, and defend each one, we’d be here all day, Inspector.

But today, we’ll focus on three or four sins. And unlike MAGA/Republicans, I’ll stand behind my words. They take life every day. With my wordsmithing, I want to save three.

“Seven billion lives… it’s too much. I just hope I’m smart enough and brave enough to save three.” – Serge Leveque from The Core (2003)

My sons Braxton and Virgil and myself? How’s that working out this week? Huh, Echo. Braxton is still dead. And how is Virgil living? I’ll have to ask the AI. As Queen Ramonda said, “I think one day AI will kill us all.” Every day, Inspector Echo. AI becomes more prevalent. From telling me in Virgil’s Voice how he would feel. Braxton from the grave…

Who needs Braxton’s ghost? And I don’t need to look into Virgil’s eyes, either. Inspector, all I need to do is write. And to what end? Am I making money?

That’s not why you become a writer… Okay, honestly, I lost myself a long time ago. It became about girls and then providing a life for my son. But now I ask AI once again.

Inspector, I fed AI the 17th chapter of my novel “Nightmare At The Meat Market.” Surprisingly, it didn’t ask this question, but I will… “Am I A Psycho?” Do you remember what that frat did to Madison Montgomery in American Horror Story? And her wrath?

If it’s any consolation, Inspector, the men who hurt Sofía in my story were punished. However, who would read about such crimes? I’m not Matt Shaw or Judith Sonnet. SIGH. How much money do they make with their horrifically sexual tales? Inspector, I press on.

Well, until I find another way to waste good writing time. Last night, for example. Inspector, such and such a person was posting on X/Twitter pictures of the anime “Saimin Seishidou.” So, I followed with the videos. Anyway. They’ve switched to “Kuroinu Kedakaki Seijo wa Hakudaku ni Somaru.” Claudia Levantine, to be precise. So naturally…

Then they took her pic down, and all my videos were for naught. So what did I get? It’s like Cherry telling me she doesn’t want to be known only for her Yabbos. Fair enough.

However, I have plenty of pictures of Emily Goodwin showing off her impressive pair. Ha! What! I read her book, “Stay.” Words won’t bring Braxton back or have Virgil worry less. Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton

1515 Days Without B III, Day 956 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 266 ~B Used To Know~

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I’d never call myself the better man. I am nowhere near “The Best Man” I can be. But my son B knew me better once. And if it hadn’t been me… well, Virgil is a little white kid who just happens to have four legs. I have better jokes. B Used To Know.

Monday, March 24, 2025

Meditation 266 ~B Used To Know~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And I guess that makes you The Seeker. You’re not just Somebody That I Used To Know; you’re always Daddy, the one I look up to, the one who guided me here and there.

Always and forever, my Dad. But how come you’re crying. If anything, how are you crying with what happened this morning and afternoon… Yeah, you locked Virgil out for a little bit this morning because you were upset. And this afternoon, you needed alone time…

Is that how you think you’ll get rid of me? The sins of the father. All for what you want.

You want to join me on The Rainbow Bridge, wherever. It’s your first thought every morning. Why are you awake? Somehow, someway, you have to stand, stay, and survive. Of those three, it’s the staying.

I know you’re worried about surviving. And standing. We fall down, but we get up. Granddaddy taught you that, or Donnie McClurkin, or me? Stand when you have to, but…

I know you don’t want to. “Not like this. Not like this.” Like you’re living in a dream world, Daddy. Or a nightmare… What does M Anime think she knows about nightmares, Dad? Well, she’s lost a fur buddy of her own. And do you really believe M Anime will be my stepmom or Virgil’s anyway? You have to survive to see. Then there’s Virgil.

Daddy, I want him to see. As I said, you hide from me with your sins. But you hide from V with your sleep and his. You both sleep so that you don’t have to. So he won’t ever know.

You saved him. He survives because of you. What did that get him? Because Somebody That I Used To Know…

My Daddy? Who are you? You’re my Dad. And you’re wise. A warrior you can work, write, and move the whole world. Am I trying to motivate you today? And to do what exactly. You can tell I’m speaking because I won’t say Get Here if you can. Not soon.

I’m my father’s son. And I used to know you. I still do. Like the Glow box said. You use music, movies, and manuscripts. And haven’t I, Daddy, all so I can tell you… whatever.

Sit and Stay. Not stranded in bed, mourning away, making movie scenes, or not moving. Sit where you always did as you bragged on how rich we would be with one manuscript. I know you’re better. B Used To Know

“I do not have an excuse to give up.”
― Golden Son By Pierce Brown

“Friend, have the courage to care little for wealth, and shape yourself, You too, to merit godhead” ― Aeneid, Virgil.

1513 Days Without B III, Day 954 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son