Tag: Alone

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

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I got so freaking sad. Walmart tends to do that before MAGA’s tariffs. As always, FDT! And I won’t get paid this week. Virgil has a vet visit, and I have a girl looking to be with me. I’m trying to ‘save’ myself… There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I’m not Jigsaw. Did I mean that to be funny? Like Stephen King, Eli Roth…

Oh yes, there will be blood. Only in movies and books. And why am I in such a creepy mood today? Monday, May 26, 2025. The past few weeks haven’t been so kind. I know.

But I could be crying over Braxton as I did this morning. There was the sweat from my “Anxiety” setting up Virgil’s next vet appointment. I must be as ‘annoying’ as Doechii’s song worrying about my first and second born. And can I mention I see myself sitting on that hard bench in Banfield back on Sunday, January 31, 2021, hearing my son was dying?

He wasn’t the first life I saw end, but the first I ended with my own hand. The stroke of a pen, whatever. A body.

And he was lucky. Braxton only had to die once… Twice, if I ever truly let him go. I don’t know if I ever can. But that’s the man you married. One who has died so many times up to this point in our lives. Our lives? But the day my B left is the one I dare to remember.

“On the day I was born.” What, was I “Bad to the Bone?” The day my father beat my ass for lying about my homework. I wrote down the problems but without any answers. Hell! I still feel a certain kind of way about drinking a bottle of IBC Root Beer. He smacked the bottle out of my hand before… Anyway, how many other lives.

“There I lay, wearing dead people as armor against death.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

Again I’m being pretty effing creepy. But I slay, vanquish, delete, and unalive myself so many times in so many different ways. And no, not because of Braxton. Or that I feel I’m failing Virgil. What about taking care of you and our children? Baby Doll, Love? A Man Provides.

And ‘God forbid’ I use the dreaded K-word. Unless we’re talking about the film Pontypool, then “K*ll is kiss!” And I can’t start singing Teen Idle Feeling super, super (super!)… well, you know the rest. I surround myself with the living to keep back death.

I lie in bed with you. I pay Virgil’s bill. I tuck in our children. I read and write. Burying bodies in fiction without graves. But There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

“Be the body, not the shadow; hold space.”
From ― Amina, The Book of Clarence

1577 Days Without B III, Day 1018 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 325 ~Braxton Needs Space, Virgil~

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When I was a kid… (scoffs). I’m a boy at 40. Anyway, I wanted to be an astronaut. And I want a lightsaber. But who does a 40-year-old run to? B, at 15, was older. Dog Years. Even in death, I can’t give him what he needs. “Braxton Needs Space, Virgil”

Thursday, May 22, 2025

Meditation 325 ~Braxton Needs Space, Virgil~

1572 Days Without B III, Day 1013 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for myself. No energy shot. No cash. Well, not enough cash. What about sleep?

The only space I care about is the two between my eyelids. I need you and Virgil’s stepmom in the worst ways. First, I need to stop calling M Anime that. Second, Braxton, you had a favorite girl. Her Yabbos, anyway. Like father, like son. That is one thing you got from me. An affinity for Yabbos. I’m sure there are some “Somewhere Out There.”

All the gods, they cannot sever us. If I were dead and you were still fighting for life, I’d come back from the darkness. Back from the pit of hell to fight at your side.
Valeria, Conan the Barbarian (1982)

The only thing I’m sure you need from me right now is space. Is that why M Anime has been “Naughty…Naughty….Naughty in a Vanessa Marcil freaky with Nicolas Cage sorta way. You do remember the movie “The Rock” (1996). I should ask M Anime to put her hair in pigtails. And yes, Braxton, I know “Fucking-A” man! Language and eww!

I need to stop talking, yep. Or at least father to son. But that brings me back to my point.

Space. The final frontier. You’re somewhere on the Rainbow Bridge, while I’m afraid of hitting the road today. I’m scared of today, period. But what do I expect you or your little brother Virgil to do? “Make Room! Make Room!” What, so I can fit in more pop culture references? That’s what The Critic has been saying recently. As I live and breathe Braxton, it’s always the next thing on TV or in a book. Even the whole space idea is The Last of Us.

Only this is not The Last of Us, B. I don’t know what this is. But it is never Acceptance.

It’s me being scared all the time. It’s being a sinner. I don’t think M Anime and I trading pictures sans our clothing is sinful. It’s being slim. I’ve been seeing a lot of my body lately, and since I won’t be getting paid next week… What about this week. I’m going out B III.

I have to get the Check Engine Light looked at. After that comes your brother. He needs to get his yearly shots. Food has not been on the agenda. Not all that much for me.

When you stopped eating, you got sent to Heaven twice, but only once was permanent. I should let you remain there. I should give you space. From this world, the spotlight. Braxton Needs Space, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 324 ~Braxton and Virgil Unleashed~

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My firstborn furry son Braxton kept his balls and was a Puritan except for his toys or favorite girl. Virgil is confused. As for their Dad? Well, my Calendar Girl became bold. So B and V can go out while she and I… uh? “Braxton and Virgil Unleashed.”

Wednesday, May 21, 2025

Meditation 324 ~Braxton and Virgil Unleashed~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Is FEAR a sin? What about when I ended Braxton’s suffering? So they say. My writing. Being naked.

We’ll get to all that, Inspector. But yesterday and always, there’s my Braxton. And Virgil?

Well, Virgil is still alive. And right after getting the car fixed, I can afford to worry about him. I can’t really afford anything, but I won’t let Virgil die. I told Braxton likewise, Echo.

Well, it worked, didn’t it? Braxton got a long fifteen years. He was thirteen days shy of his sweet sixteen. Virgil will have had a third of Braxton’s time if we get to October. Five.

Inspector, I can’t imagine five more years for myself. Hell! When I woke up, I didn’t want five more minutes. As Teen Idle says, “Feeling super, super (super!) ….” You know how that lyric ends. When Will My Life Begin?

Do I look like Princess Rapunzel or Mandy Moore? Is it a sin to say I’ve seen several Disney Princesses sans clothing? If anything, I should be jazzed. Or should I say the “Girl All the Bad Guys Want” needs to be jizzed and glazed? Must I be so crass? I’m sure, M Anime wouldn’t mind, considering I’ve seen her like no man ever has… Happy Go Lucky Me, Inspector. But I can’t tell you “I Just Had Sex” with her. When I do, Inspector…

Honestly, I might not share everything with you and everyone else. I’m an open book. Inspector, don’t get me started on how I embarrassed myself writing yesterday. It was a lot worse than Akon’s “I Wanna Eff You.” She knows.

And I know. “I’m Too Sexy.” Vanity is definitely a sin. I take a look at my “Enormous Penis,” as Da Vinci’s Notebook sings. And I feel better for a bit. Though you figure I would have creamed my jeans over M Anime a few dozen times. She’s Effing Beautiful!

However, it’s better to keep my pants off. Braxton and Virgil know the difference between my sweatpants and my jeans. And nine times out of ten, jeans did not bode well for my boys. The Day Job, the vet, and people in general. And if I sent them to B’s room. Uh, my “private time.” M Anime wants to get “Nasty.” I can bare my body. I can’t bear my mind. Braxton and Virgil Unleashed.

1571 Days Without B III, Day 1012 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 323 ~L’s Between B, V~

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“I want you to recognize the difference between what you feel and what’s real.” I feel courage, but I ain’t got the guts. I’m horny, but I’m lying here on my… man parts. I’m in love, but in how many ways has my heart broken. Loser. “L’s Between B, V”

Tuesday, May 20, 2025

Meditation 323 ~L’s Between B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That’s why we must tell our children about the birds and the bees. That conversation.

“But, uh, has anyone talked to you about the birds and the bees?”
“Oh, you mean dicks and vaginas?”
― The Last of Us (2025)

Thank you, but I prefer it my way
Andre Baptiste Sr., Lord of War (2005)

The first time I gave something even remotely similar to that speech was with Braxton.

More to the point of Ain’t nobody “Humpin’ Around.” What can I say? Like father like son, my love. Braxton was supposed to be my breast… Excuse me. My Best Man. And he and I were both big fans of Yabbos. And he B III liked his aunt. A lot. I had to tell him.

What about Virgil? He won’t need that speech, I’m afraid. The ole snip, snip, treatment. Is it any wonder that my secondborn lost his balls? Braxton had some huge cojones.

Seriously, what’s with all this talk about my boys’ anatomy? Trying to be lighthearted, ha!

I’m so “Heavy In Your Arms.” So “Let’s Get Lost.”

The Twilight Soundtrack? That’s the lightest of it, my love. I want to lose my crown. I’ve never been a good man, but how dare I refuse to be king. I don’t have the heart for it. Mine was broken when I lost my firstborn son, little Braxton. Now yours, our kids, trying to mend Virgil’s. A jar of hearts. And no, not like Christina Perri, more like Marianne Engel.

Do you remember when we read Andrew Davidson’s The Gargoyle? That Marianne. Do you remember her man, the pornographer? Eff! How I want to get lost in you, baby doll.

“If you have any idea what I want to do to you right now. I can’t live like this.”
Will Traynor, Me Before You (2016)

Fingers, tongue, and, uh, penis. As the Isley brothers said, “Enough of this singin’, let’s make love.” But “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin'” I have.

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” And I can hear you now if I quote one more song…

But what would be left of me? I can’t tell you the critics. And the one who I could tell…

There’s SADNESS, FEAR, and LUST. So, as I have a week to lie here, I don’t have a week to lie here. So what do I do, my love? What do we do? I can’t do this. But husband, father…

What should I read some more? This morning, it was more about pet loss. When I close my eyes, there’s another ding that scares me. And looking at your beauty. And not being able to do anything Less, Loser, Lost, Me. L’s Between B, V.

1570 Days Without B III, Day 1011 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 318 ~SUNDAY Virgil Will B~

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I’m wasting the day away… If I had been a better man, on a Sunday in 2021, I’d have joined my son on his walk across the Rainbow Bridge. 4 years, 4 months later, I’m sitting in bed trying to “Remember the Time,” with his stepmom? SUNDAY Virgil Will B

Thursday, May 15, 2025

Meditation 318 ~SUNDAY Virgil Will B~

1565 Days Without B III, Day 1006 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Well, considering it’s Thursday, I’m thinking about Sunday. Do you remember Braxton? SIGH, Life.

Some days, I have no sense of time. On others, I count every minute and second. And then there’s your passing, which I have mourned for four years, four months, and today. Although, if I’m being honest, those twenty-four texts from your stepmom distracted me.

As always, I must stop calling M Anime your stepmom. And second, she’s a great distraction. Between waiting for you to come back… (Cue “When You Were Young”). “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” But I spent some time reading about a particular dead man and his betrayer, Judas Iscariot. Baby B, some of this harem literature I read gets a bad rap. “Losing My Religion,” indeed.

“I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” For M Anime? Towards your little brother Virgil.

Braxton, I don’t love myself. Virgil took up the center of the bed last night. But unfortunately, he didn’t push hard enough for me to fall and bust my head on the vent this morning. God bless him for trying, though. Speaking of God, why am I thinking about Sunday? Other than the fact I was reading about Yehushuah ben Josef. And I want to hear M Anime scream OH MY GOD, biblically. And I know I think, Oh God!

When the Check Engine Light came on, having to wake up, there was “my” bank account. Braxton, I haven’t checked it yet, though it’s payday. Thursday’s the second worst day.

Oh, I want to talk to you, Braxton. But for all I know, you could be like me on Sundays. You’re all Lieutenant Dan barking, “Get Down! Shut Up!” You remember how I was B.

Sundays, I watch other people living the dream… The Walking Dead, The Last of Us. And whatever book I’ll start the week with. Sunday is the start of the week, and I’m sitting here crying about it? Or that I want to go back to sleep. Is it the fact I have to get food? Am I dreaming about lying next to M Anime, seeing Cherry’s yabbos, or Yui Obata?

Braxton, let the church say, Eww! I’m EASY, like Sunday morning. When it comes to “Pretty, pretty, pretty girls.” If somehow I were quiet and happy SUNDAY Virgil Will B.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 317 ~The Movement, B, V~

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I can’t have my ticket punched yet. I’m sure V is looking forward to his next walk. And I’m sure B would be pleased if I said, “Make Way For The King.” But I’d rather honk. My biggest concerns are my black balls, behind, and car. “The Movement, B, V”

Wednesday, May 14, 2025

Meditation 317 ~The Movement, B, V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But only for the revolution. Do you want a “Revolution?” My Old Man’s fav from Kirk Franklin. Seriously.

I wish I could blame my Old Man for the state of the car. The “Check Engine Light” did come on with that clandestine trip HOME for Mother’s Day. That was a mistake, Dear Echo. Eight pieces of chicken wasn’t worth it. It beats eating like I’m in a “Vivarium.”

Echo, before all that, there’s been what? It, Desperation, The Stand, The Long Walk, ha! I’m going all out with the Stephen King books and movies, right? But they are my evolution. FEAR is it. I do feel Desperation, I need to make a Stand, The Stand. And every time I wake up, Inspector, it’s like I’m making The Long Walk all over again. And without my Braxton. And Inspector, I’m trying to save Virgil.

Don’t worry. Virgil’s not in any danger yet. But am I? Today is Monday, May 12, 2025. Or is it Tuesday by now. Have I gotten the car fixed? Can I even pay for it? The worry, Inspector Echo. Only three movements have meant anything to me today. Comedy right?

Virgil has been walked. He has food and water in what were once Braxton’s bowls. Inspector, I drove the car to the gas station to fill up. Check Engine Light remains. Inspector, the only movement that has mattered is pumping my hips or my hands, thinking of M Anime and everything we’ve been saying these past few days. Freaky? No wonder I keep mistakenly calling her Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. She is trying, Inspector Echo.

Two E’s are in movement, but not one in Braxton Barks Bradford or Virgil Vivi Bradford. How can I love them and be so annoyed with their movements? Braxton shot right up to Heaven or crossed The Rainbow Bridge. While Virgil runs in abject terror.

Inspector, it’s far more than FOMO. Like Father, Like Son. How do I keep moving? I’ve been looking up quotes from The Long Walk to figure it out. I doubt Michael Dalton’s Vector has the answer I need. Is Victor a god now with all his power? A car dealership?

I’m sure I’ll be finding out the answer sitting in one sometime this week. Petrified? HARD for M Anime and Cherry. But I have to move. The Movement, B, V

1564 Days Without B III, Day 1005 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 316 ~Virgil, I’ll B Saying~

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The last time I had to send Virgil to Braxton’s Room was because of a storm. He’s not one to control his bladder. And he could lose his sh*t. Speaking of which, the things that I say. I miss Braxton. I love sex, I’m afraid. Virgil, I’ll B Saying

Tuesday, May 13, 2025

Meditation 316 ~Virgil, I’ll B Saying~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than my boys? I plead the 5th. My love, I’m not that lying Trump.

I have my soft and hard limits, but may I never be as vulgar, vindictive, or vicious as those of MAGA. And yet one of my sons, Braxton, saw Trump’s end… Virgil sees Trump 2.0.

But no, I don’t want to talk about politics today, Monday, May 12, 2025. Or ever. But we have no choice in the matter. As I have no choice but to keep loving Braxton. Always.

And Virgil? I don’t love him as much as Braxton. Later V, Later Virgil as opposed to Love ya B, Love ya Braxton. And look at me crying again. It’s not only because of Braxton. Mother’s Day has been pretty HARD till now. And OH MY GOD, we’ll get to that. Only, I miss Braxton.

Would you rather listen to me cry over him love or sweat over you? Mourning or Moaning? Grieving or Grunting? Wiping my tears or Whipping my… Must I be gross?

“Should I say it out loud?

Yeah, I should. You can’t heal something unless you’re brave enough to say it out loud.

I’m scared, though. I’m scared to say it… which is why I have to.”
The Last of Us

Love, if anything, as Roger sang, “I Want To Be Your Man.” I need “Sexual Healing,” as Marvin Gaye spectacularly put it. What’s better than making Love “Between The Sheets.”

My boy isn’t the only one that can put together a playlist. But we’d have to send Braxton, Virgil, and our two-legged rugrats to bed. Especially considering who I want to be with you. Annoying? I can be that too, but at least I’m not crying anymore, but you, darling.

Well, I want to effing “Tear You Apart.” Because “You get me closer to God.”

And that’s the truth, “I Wanna Eff You.” But not only because I love you more than anything. (Braxton looks down on me from Heaven). I don’t have alternative facts; I have ADDITIONAL facts. Effing MAGA! Anyway, my love, I’m afraid. Yes, I’m worried, but it’s FEAR, my love. And it has begun to overwhelm me. But I’m “Just A Man.” A man provides, protects, and pets puppies. But Braxton isn’t here anymore. And a man isn’t supposed to call on a woman for help, but who else is there. My Ma? Anyone at all?

Love, I don’t know what to do. WHATEVER IT TAKES! I sound like one of my motivations, or Captain America. So what’s next. I have Virgil. Virgil, I’ll B Saying.

1563 Days Without B III, Day 1004 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 311 ~We’ll B Cooked Virgil~

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I haven’t been thinking about how cooked I am for the past few days. My younglings B III and 2-V, a couple of pairs of yabbos, and a yearning to write. Today won’t be one of those days. But I always have time for my boys. Only, We’ll B Cooked Virgil.

Thursday, May 8, 2025

Meditation 311 ~We’ll B Cooked Virgil~

1558 Days Without B III, Day 999 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Do you see what time it is? You don’t worry a lot about that.

For you, it was whenever you sat on my head. There was when I came back from the Day Job. It was whenever I called you downstairs for your meds. “Medicine Time, B! Come get your Medicine. Medicine Time. I miss doing that, Braxton. You have no idea how much.

Or maybe I miss being in the kitchen. I swear the memory just came up. Between being hungry, another horrible energy shot, and “happily” knowing you’re safe in the backyard.

I suppose you are always and forever, though there’s a wooden box saying otherwise, Braxton. Am I crying? You and your little brother. I’m crying over you and sweating when I take Virgil for walks.

I could be thinking about you and Virgil’s stepmom. First, I have to stop calling M Anime that. Second, I would need your approval; otherwise, she’d be cooked. However, Braxton.

“Let Her Cook.” Next to talking to you, she’s the one I look forward to hearing from and talking to the most. There’s you, M Anime, should I say your grandma next. And what about your favorite girl and Cherry. If I had to kick you out whenever I heard from M Anime. No…? You practically led your favorite girl to my bedroom… You dog. And Cherry is pretty much in her “Look at me, look at me” Era. Do you remember; I can ride a bike with “No Handlebars?” But M Anime, dear Braxton.

When you were leaving, I’d have said anything to get you to stay. Yes, I can see you, B III, giving me one of your looks, saying, “Why did you sign the cockadoodie papers, Dad?”

Speaking of movies and manuscripts, there’s M Anime. I’m sure I told you before Cherry inspired me to write a series. I speak often enough of your favorite girl. But M Anime has me writing two novels while trying to do some “Shadow Work.” But last night, B? I’d sent you straight to your room. M Anime said she’d let me do everything the men of her dreams/nightmares do to her IRL. Xu, Associate, Boss! I swear Braxton, things like Food, having funds, your father…

“And if he falls in love tonight
It can be assumed
His carefree days with us are history
In short, our pal is doomed.”
Timon & Pumbaa ― Braxton &Virgil

“You can put it anywhere.”
― Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions

I’m forgetful, foolish, and possibly effed… (Smiles). I’d have to drive. We’ll B Cooked Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 310 ~Virgil Doesn’t Eat B’s~

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One more day, I haven’t been humiliated… Uh, fact-to-face. I’m sure somebody in their car wondered if I had any control over Virgil. That’s why we go out early before everything gets busy, like the bees. Or M Anime’s dreams. “Virgil Doesn’t Eat B’s.”

Wednesday, May 7, 2025

Meditation 310 ~Virgil Doesn’t Eat B’s~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Not to mention humiliated. But according to all the motivational speeches I listen to. Let’s begin with gratitude.

Virgil woke up alive and well, and we went for a walk. And he has had his breakfast. The only “adult entertainment” I’ve consumed was reading about Eddie and Ibseth from “Backyard Dungeon 17.” Oh, speaking of dungeons, the back fence hasn’t fallen. Not yet.

So that’s the good news. As long as I stay off social media, I should be fine. Uh, the phone?

To think Samsung had problems. Like the song plays, “I got 99 problems but a…”

Anyway, I owe Braxton’s favorite girl a birthday present, his grandma a hello, and his stepmom an apology. Didn’t I say something about adult entertainment? Also, I’d stop calling M Anime, Braxton, and Virgil’s stepmom. SIGH. “She drives me crazy, and I can’t help myself.”

While finishing the “Backyard Dungeon 17” sample, I got antsy about M Anime… Her latest nightmare, I mean. So, I was busy copying it to read on my Kindle. What, I need free books? Always. I haven’t had any… Uh, self-fulfillment in three days. Her dreams/short stories will do it.

And as I told her, my dreams are pretty dull by comparison. She has General Xu, Associate, and The Boss. I swear, I’ve never been one for reverse harem romances.

Inspector, my dreams have been dull, and my stories, if disgusting, are the same. Writing. It doesn’t pay, not yet. And I haven’t been dreaming about my boys. I’m giving Braxton a break to play on the Rainbow Bridge. And Virgil is very much alive.

So it’s great he doesn’t eat bees or anything like that. Because I couldn’t afford to save him. Life is telling me that. My dreams share that sentiment. The last one I remember was something out of World War Z. The crappy movie. It was that scene where the girl rattled off the code to Brad Pitt to get into a room full of viruses. But I was saying my locker combo at my Day Job, which feels the same. Can’t I do anything original, Inspector Echo? V can’t eat the ABCs. And I’m living off of pizza rolls until payday. After last week, ha!

As Paramore put it, Hard Times. No cash, thinking of Yabbos, or walking going nowhere. Thankfully. Virgil Doesn’t Eat B’s

1557 Days Without B III, Day 998 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 309 ~Virgil’s B In Language~

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I tell B I love him every day. But I don’t know about the reception on the Rainbow Bridge. I tell V, “Later.” I tell him I’ll be back and that he’s staying. I rescued him. And they’re potential stepmom. What I said to her. Virgil’s B In Language

Tuesday, May 6, 2025

Meditation 309 ~Virgil’s B In Language~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But as Snow Patrol sings, “Those three words are said too much. They’re not enough.”

How do I know? Despite how much my Old Man paid my way, I hate him. My firstborn son, Braxton, died. And I could say it to my secondborn son, Virgil. But I hate lying.

Always and forever, there’s you, my love. There is the family we created together. And you know me, a beast with a beat. “Havin’ my baby. What a lovely way of sayin’ how much you love me.” That’s all you because I highly doubt Braxton would send me such a song. If he were here today, his four little legs would run circles around his two-legged siblings to keep them safe. Virgil would be quieter than them, easy. Long story.

Love can be quiet or loud. It’s a difficult language.

And since I’m reminiscing about people, places, and even pieces of myself I hate. LEARN.

I’m constantly having to relearn how to love myself. Love, I am The Walking Dead. However, I’m not saying that because today is Sunday, May 4, 2025. So we both know, um, Tuesday, May 6, 2025, is going to suck. Oh, we’ll get to the sucking. Uh, ew. Uh, lovers.

Watch my mouth? Again, we’ll get to that. I say the most horrible things, and we’re not a religious household. But love, Jesus had it easy. If we skip the torture, he just died, love.

My Ma would say he died to save us. And I live? Not because I particularly care to do so. That’s my love language. STAYING.

Again, from a biblical context, Jesus came back. God is love. Dog is love, and my B III, “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” as The Killers put it. However, “My Goddess.”

Um. Did we put the kids to bed four-legged, two-legged, and all? Okay, dearest love.

Purely in a Shakespearean meets The Pretty Reckless type of way, “You make me wanna die.” Hear me out, my love. My grief brings me closer to my son, B. Not really, but that’s what I’m going with. Being with you brings me closer in a way to dying. Seriously? Neither of us is Rihanna, but “Sex with Me,” sex with you, I tell myself, “I guess I die another day.” Virgil’s B In Language.

“I think I’ll find another way
There’s so much more to know
I guess I’ll die another day
It’s not my time to go

For every sin, I’ll have to pay
I’ve come to work, I’ve come to play
I think I’ll find another way
It’s not my time to go.”
Die Another Day

1556 Days Without B III, Day 997 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will