Tag: Hell

Journey 163 ~To B Bugged Virgil~

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Would you call it courageous that I choose to stay here with Virgil and face the termite guy’s judgment rather than waste money at the movies, or let my father handle it? Is it crazy to think he’d bug the house? Hasn’t he ha-ha? “To B Bugged Virgil.”

Thursday, December 11, 2025

Journey 163 ~To B Bugged Virgil~

1775 Days Without B III, Day 1216 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The best part of my day, as it stands, I heard from your Favorite Girl.

It’s always nice to know that someone is wondering whether you’re dead or alive, B.

Honestly, that’s a short list: you, your Favorite Girl, and Virgil eventually… He doesn’t sit on my head as you did. But I still could barely breathe this morning. I know you don’t like me saying that. But I did feel sick this morning. And death’s right up there with my dollars and my d*ck. I know Braxton, Eww! You should see the videos of women calling their men Daddy in front of their kids. I’ve been watching far too many, if you ask me.

I woke up around one in the morning, having accomplished nothing. And now it’s ten-thirty and… Well, I’m sure you know what has me buggin’.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Effing Termite guy will be here around one this afternoon, your grandpa said. Or four. “It Doesn’t Matter.” I don’t have “The Rock’s” money or even Wyclef Jean’s. I’m effed.

And that is one of the things that bugs me the most, B III. I know I’m effed. Hell, me and 2-V are effed, and there is nothing I can do about it. Paranoia, Anxiety, and Humiliation are feasting on my brain. Did I really just say that? Mind, body, and soul B III. Heart…

I’m not MAGA! FDT! I’m not even a Planeteer… Captain Planet? Before your time, B.

Only I know I still have somewhat of a heart because I still care about SOME people and your puppy little brother. Virgil’s five ha-ha.

But today I might not make it past forty-one… (Cue Ben-Hur galley drums). What, you thought I had forgotten just because I’ve been on a Stephen King kick these days?

Honestly, every day feels like “The Long Walk,” and I am “The Running Man,” however.

Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere… ’cause there’s no one like you left
Carol Malone… Body Snatchers (1993)

That’s right, this is you and Virgil’s home, my son. And I’m sorry I have failed you all over again. The backyard fence has two holes. The shed door is chewed to Hell. Don’t ask me about under the house. The floor you once ran on is a mess: the baseboards, paint job, everything. But the wanna be Orkin man, my Old Man, and others feel like the invaders, an infestation. M Anime wouldn’t live here. To B Bugged Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 162 ~Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil~

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Who wakes up saying, I will be humiliated today? I’m more like, why’s B gone, WTF, and where’s V? Well, he doesn’t have any bugs on him, but the backyard, the foundation, I’ll know tomorrow. Effing Termite Guy. “Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil.”

Wednesday, December 10, 2025

Journey 162 ~Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Do you remember the movie “Accepted?” Not to be confused with ACCEPTANCE. Do you remember TV at all?

Now, before I turn into a philosophical dipshit (I wish), let me address the elephant in the room. Not my boys? Again, I wish. But no Inspector Echo. Carpenter Ants!

Humiliations Galore are imminent “Tomorrow.” “Tomorrow, Koni Tomorrow. My Echo.

I miss watching TV. I still have it, but I’m only watching YouTube presently, Inspector.

Anyway, my humiliation… The Termite Inspector is coming, Inspector Echo. He’ll see where the Carpenter Ants won the war and then… and then? The Hell if I know, my dear.

The backyard is an effing mess. Two sides of the fence are down. The door to the shed was eaten. And now some guy is going to come in, saying “water damage” and “ants,” and give us our effing money.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

In my own home, no less. I would never call what I have here home. But Braxton defended that yard for years. And this is where Virgil stays. I don’t know if he considers this place home, but like me, at the Day Job/the Bad Place, according to Braxton. Virgil is here. And like the great Macaulay Culkin said, “This is my house. I have to defend it.”

He convinced Brenda Song to have his baby. As far as I’m concerned, the man’s a legend. Only I don’t have time to watch “Home Alone,” “Ali,” or “Accepted.” I’ll be humiliated.

Or “Busted” like the band, I swear their song “What I Go To School For” has been burrowing in my head for days, Inspector Echo.

Along with “School’s in Session” from the anime “GTO.” And speaking of anime that does nothing to get me anywhere. How’s M Anime? As far as I know, she’s still getting married into some harem, and I’m going to die alone. I saw this girl, and of course, she had a picture of herself and her man on her phone. My phone still shows Braxton’s last car ride and where Virgil sits… Should I survive tomorrow because I’ll have to call my Old Man, Inspector? I accept these hardships, but have never come to the ACCEPTANCE that this is my existence. And without my Braxton. Like “The Long Walk” and “The Running Man,” I make it to the next moment. Humiliation. Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil

1774 Days Without B III, Day 1215 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 161 ~Braxton The Gifted, Virgil~

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My sons are gifts, but B is gone. My girl… excuse me, my woman. M Anime was a gift, but she’ll be getting married in January… And as for myself, at present… Well, I feel more depressed than like a rocket scientist. But, “Braxton The Gifted, Virgil”

Tuesday, December 9, 2025

Journey 161 ~Braxton The Gifted, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than Christmastime, ha! “Ooh, sugar pie, honey bunch. You know that I love you.”

‘Tis the season? What, you can love, get laid, and even lament on Christmas. Closer?

Honestly, “I Can’t Help Myself.” What, thinking about gifts for you, our two-legged children, and of course, there’s always Virgil and Braxton. I owe Braxton at least fifteen gifts—five birthdays, Christmases, and homecoming or Gotcha Day. I don’t remember when he hopped into the car, but I’ll never forget Sunday, January 31, 2021. Hell, maybe Gotcha Day could be May 1st. I’m sure I met B sometime in April. And how did I get on this when I’m supposed to be talking about the present? Well, my Christmas presents. Anyway, I THINK I want a breastplate like Maximus from “Gladiator.” But with a picture of both Braxton and Virgil.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

And as I walked with Virgil this afternoon, I thought that I want a “monitor belt” or a watch from The Long Walk to measure my walking speed. More like my running speed since I’m “The Running Man,” and all. And that leads me to a question. Safe and sound.

When’s the last time I got something silly? Something salty, saucy, and spicy? In other words, delicious. Oh, I go to the food truck once a week. And stories, either in salacious words or on the big screen. And if it doesn’t suck, what about sexy? Well, I have you.

Somehow, someway, I got you. But I’m a selfish, STUPID, SOB… sorry, Ma. I want… Everything! “The World, Chico, And Everything In It.” That’s me.

And yet I call my firstborn, my B, gifted. He treated every day as a gift. He had all the gifts. And to him, I was the greatest gift of all. Do I give myself too much credit, my love?

Two points make a line. Three points make a pattern. Braxton loved/loves me. And I convinced you to do the same. Well, that was more of a choice… Um, Sunday, August 24, 2025. And what about V and our two-legged children? I’m Daddy, always, forever.

But you know what would be a present, what would make me a good person, what would complete a pattern? If I loved myself. “What I Go To School For?” Busted, because I failed. But Braxton? Braxton The Gifted, Virgil1773 Days Without B III, Day 1214 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 156 ~Braxton Is Off, Virgil~

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And we’re off… Any minute now… Getting off is the same as ever, but I’m wasting more time. Crying for B but making sure V’s ok. I go from magic glasses and college coeds to Christmas erotica. And then there’s the food truck. “Braxton Is Off, Virgil.”

Thursday, December 4, 2025

Journey 156 ~Braxton Is Off, Virgil~

1768 Days Without B III, Day 1209 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Braxton, I only lied to you when I was feeling some kind of way.

So, how am I feeling today? Well, I’m not Beau Williams, so I can’t say I’m “Feeling So Good Today?” Especially since I thought I had today off. I can’t afford to miss any more days. And I did have to talk to the GM today. Not like that! She asked about you, B III.

You’re not small talk, Braxton. But again, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t addicted to the misery. Grief, mourning… I get off on it. Not like that! How to function without it?

Honestly, that is what I’ve been thinking about all day, while not staying “home,” Braxton.

You’re not ready for “that” conversation, I wanted to tell the boss lady. But seriously…

I’d be off for real…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Well no! Because you know what I mean when I say I want to get off… I don’t mean get off my lap because I’m reading something not meant for you. “Snowed in with Grumpy.”

A woman and her cocoa-covered yabbos. I know B, Eww! Again, stories not for you.

Honestly, I remember when “We Were Young,” and you crept up and tried to steal my cocoa, and you burned yourself. You were off and running. Speaking of being off, I remember that after I would wake up from any given workday, I’d read, and that’s when you would go to sleep. Virgil is the same way… Kinda. He’s been off since he got here.

1209 days and he still doesn’t know what to do.

1768 days and I still don’t know what to do. All I know is that I was standing there in the middle of the Day Job, “The Bad Place,” you would snort. And I was wishing I was off, B. And I do mean off. The worst part of going to sleep isn’t the fact that I can’t rest. It’s the fact that every single day I wake up, I wish I didn’t. At best, it’s “The Long Walk” with Virgil, though I’m trying to make that more of a” Stand By Me” situation. But for weeks it’s been “The Running Man.” And why are my stalkers women? Boobs, Bosses, not babbling with M Anime. Missing her and you, B. Only, Braxton Is Off, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 155 ~B’s Are Threatening, Virgil~

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“It is an awesome feeling to know you are about to change someone’s life forever.” “Tomorrow When The War Began…” Sometimes it’s as simple a thing as walking into the Day Job. Or walking my youngest son, 2V. But always, “B’s Are Threatening, Virgil.”

Wednesday, December 3, 2025

Journey 155 ~B’s Are Threatening, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… If I lived in an Asian household? Maybe. I could be allergic. I’ve never been stung. Plan B…

If I were a motivational speaker, talking about Plan B. Will Smith said it distracts from Plan A. And Apollo Creed screamed in Rocky III, “THERE IS NO TOMORROW!” Echo.

M Anime didn’t want to hear about Plan B either, wanting babies. Lots of babies! Inspector, what about my babies, my boys, Braxton and Virgil? I start writing and… blah.

All these things are threats, Inspector Echo. But you know what wasn’t a threat? And I might be digging my own grave here, but the Day Job. What happened, Inspector?

Threats, fury, and a nine-to-five no longer? Nothing Echo. Not a damn thing. I mean…

Forgetfulness, indifference… the same typical humiliations. Nothing more or less.

Seriously, have you seen me these past three weeks, Inspector?

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

My sin is putting these days on the same level as losing Braxton. I watched him die for a little over a week. Though I didn’t notice until that Wednesday and by Sunday, January 31, 2025… That’s how the world’s been to me forever. To them, I’m all Linkin Park.

Inspector, “In The End,” it doesn’t even matter. I’m worrying about the Day Job, women, and my worrywart of a son, Virgil. Because again, my firstborn son, B III, is gone, and I’m still working at my Day Job. And that’s the insult, Echo. I blame myself and that place.

The Bad Place, Braxton thought of my Day Job. There was also the Kidney Failure. But no, I’m to blame and the Day Job. Euthanasia…

How can I put my child and the place that took him from me on the same level? How dare I, Echo? I’d be furious if I weren’t exhausted and disgusted. Stress relief? Uh eww!

So let’s say the Day Job isn’t in jeopardy. You play Butch, and I’ll be Marsellus Wallace, okay? No, The Long Walk, The Running Man references? “Pulp Fiction,” Inspector Echo.

What now? “Oh, that what now?” I can go back to worrying about watching wrestling. Do you remember me “stealing” Survivor Series: WarGames (2025)? I’ve gotten into this new game, Whiteout Survival, and in my state, on “My block, I’d never leave my block, my beep need me.” Then there’s “augmenting” AI. Terrible, Tempting, and Threatening. B’s Are Threatening, Virgil.

1767 Days Without B III, Day 1208 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 154 ~Love B Later, Virgil~

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The things we forget about during the day. Good Night, Good Luck? More like goodbye to the penniless author… I checked. The horny dude? This morning eww! No, I am “The Walking Dead,” and I say goodbye and R.I.P. to me, but… Love B Later, Virgil.

Tuesday, December 2, 2025

Journey 154 ~Love B Later, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love you. I’ll see you later. But do I ever say goodbye? I’m Irish…

As in an Irish Goodbye. I only say goodbye to one person. You’re looking at him. A “crazy” thought, right? What about a sad one… Or two. I remember saying goodbye to Braxton on his literal deathbed. And I don’t remember saying it at all on Sunday, August 24, 2025. Only Alanah Rae in My Wife’s Hot Friend Vol. 12 Big Boob Edition. My love.

You know me. I’m the effing Sherlock Holmes of Adult Films. And I’m feeling… Gross.

Always in the mood for you, my beloved, but icky. Stress Release? Whatever for love?

Are we getting married again? Are you pregnant? V is “Safe and Sound,” thanks, Taylor.

My love, this is my third business week and possibly my last. Last week was…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Excruciating, emasculating, and freaking effed. Do you remember our wedding day, my love? Ok, you have lots of reasons to be mad at me, but please hear me out. I’ll never be a Christian man, but I do subscribe to that Bible verse, “Love is patient, love is kind,” etc.

Love is not STUPID, honestly, that my love is one of my greatest fears. Being STUPID. Because STUPIDITY kills, it’s what triggers my anxiety. And I love you and our family. I tell Virgil later because one day I may love him, not like Braxton, but with no less love.

“It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.”
The Merovingian, The Matrix Revolutions

“My will is stronger than my heart. Do you think I put so high a price on my feelings? They’ll pass. My will holds me to my course through life,”
Queen Guinevere, First Knight (1995)

Ahh! I understand how Guinevere felt about King Arthur in comparison to Lancelot in First Knight. I don’t love my work, but I say, “later.”

Or I don’t say anything at all. If you can’t say something nice and all that… But who do I say goodbye to? Me. And the thought that came over me today… Besides myself, eww!

Anyway, I thought about the times you had to do it. Again, like Lancelot asking Guinevere to forget who she was. When you covered your face with a veil, you were one woman, and when it was removed, you were my woman, my wife. You can be a monster… and I’m your “Savage,” thank you, Whethan. You’re strong, sexy, smart, and oh so sinful, lover.

However, with that, it takes only the thought of tomorrow, and I say goodbye to myself. Why? I’m Afraid! Always, Forever. Love B Later, Virgil.

1766 Days Without B III, Day 1207 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 149 ~Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club~

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Last week, I came up with four options. But even with calling in, Humiliations Galore. And I didn’t have a heart attack… I did have a Panic Attack. A little one. Speaking of which, now B III and 2-V have seen me like that. Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club.

Thursday, November 27, 2025

Journey 149 ~Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club~

1761 Days Without B III, Day 1202 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Food Day? Happy Turkey Day. Let’s hope grandma shows up with food…

Are you hungry, or is it just me? And no, that isn’t one of the H’s today, my little Braxton.

No, today I was thinking, in no particular order, Have, Heal, Help, and Heaven. And for that I needed a cult… Your Dad had to look up the 4-H club this morning, and what about yesterday? Whatever did I do yesterday? Well, if anything, your little brother V was happy.

There’s another H-word. We don’t do HAPPY in this household. But what about the 26th?

Okay. Do you remember me talking to Inspector Echo about flipping a coin? Heads, I go to the Day Job; tails, I stay with Virgil… Heads. Heads, I stay the whole day, or tails, I tell the ASM to her face, I can’t work. Heads. So you know what your Dad did, don’t you, B?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Coward that I am, I called in. And then what?

Not that son. I didn’t HAVE a good day. I didn’t HEAL. I might have HELPED the neighbor screw me over about the broken fence. Braxton, I dreamed of HEAVEN.

“I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. If I were to imagine Heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And he would be waiting for me there.”
― Cloud Atlas

Seriously, Braxton, is that where you are? Anytime I think about what lies across the Rainbow Bridge, I imagine food at the head, one of the sides, and the foot of the bed. And you’re waiting for me on that empty side, and I crawl up beside you. That’s heavenly.

Maybe it’s “Heavily” that I ask “pardon, goddess of the night.” Too much Shakespeare, huh, Braxton? My idea of Heaven.

Well, besides listening to Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon sing. I swear, Braxton, why do you have me thinking about Much Ado About Nothing” all of a sudden? B III.

Maybe you’re telling me to “Sigh No More?” We’ll see if I survive this week. I don’t know B, I just don’t know. And you know what’s effed up? When you “passed,” I didn’t take time off the Day Job. I didn’t miss a day. Hell! I waited till the end of that week to take you to the vet on that Friday. By Sunday… Anyway, I’m worried about Friday. And should I still have the Day Job on Wednesday? If I have it, if I help, not heal, or go to Heaven. Always a “Possibility.” Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

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Here I am, this is me. And while Braxton and Virgil would “Stand By Me,” for “The Long Walk” I have to take today. I’ll still be “The Running Man.” Because I’m feeling more like Winston Smith and the rats… Room 101. Virgil, Braxton Calls It

Wednesday, November 26, 2025

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I could prattle on about the usual, but the main sin happens… Well, I have thirty minutes. Maybe.

Make the call. Make that change—literally, Inspector. I can go to the Day Job, what Braxton calls “The Bad Place,” and be a ‘better’ man, be belittled because of the Panic Attack that is happening, or just barf all over the place. Eww! I’m going to be sick, Echo.

I’m willing it. Hell! I was very much so with everything that happened yesterday, Echo.

I don’t have to do this… Make the call. I can’t go in. I CAN’T DO THIS. Make the call.

But if I make that call, it will change my existence. And what about Virgil? He needs to eat. I didn’t eat till midnight, being so sick. If I lose the Day Job, Virgil and I will both understand Braxton.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

Starvation? “Desperate for changing, starving for truth.” “Hanging By A Moment”

Inspector, indeed I am. I’ve said I’ll always choose the physical pain over any mental anguish. My Braxton was the same way. He would rather stay and wither away beside me than think about leaving me. And Virgil? Well, he’s in Braxton’s room, hiding?

Inspector, neither one of us wants to deal with our bosses. But if I don’t go today, what about Black Friday? Thanksgiving indeed. Did you see my last paycheck, Inspector?

Everything has taken a backseat to this moment. The back fence falling, being broke, not wanting to leave this bed. Even Braxton, which is the greatest sin of all, Inspector.

Forgetting my firstborn son? Never! Being sad or being SCARED?

I’ll take damn near anything over FEAR, which is why I’m right here, phone ready.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.”
Man in the Mirror, Song by Michael Jackson

Inspector, what should I do? I heard once that you should flip a coin. For the second, it’s in the air; you know what you truly want. Belly or head? Eww! I’m not in the least bit horny, but me being me, I was thinking about sex and/or a blowjob. But my belly says be sick and stay here. My head says, they’re looking for any excuse to fire you. Physical and mental seem to be together. I’m shaking, my stomach hurts, I’m sweating, and my mind is ripping apart knowing what this will all mean. “Panic Attack” Inspector Echo!

Seriously, am I calling or not? Virgil, Braxton Calls It.

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. I won’t do that.”
I’d Do Anything for Love

1760 Days Without B III, Day 1201 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 147 ~B’s An Option, Virgil~

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There was no option between Braxton and me but to love. Always and forever. Even when he was starving and couldn’t eat a thing, there was always his wanting to “Lay Be Me” like his name was Ruben. I’m “trying” not to join him. “B’s An Option, Virgil”

Tuesday, November 25, 2025

Journey 147 ~B’s An Option, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than my Braxton? What about my bed? Whether I have a billion or bucks.

I’ve made my decision. Today was a disaster. And dammit, I’m up. Not like that…

Honestly, I want to go back to sleep… Permanently with everything that has happened today.

Where do I even begin? How did I become HIS father? My firstborn son, Braxton Barks Bradford. How did I become your husband? And how about his and hers? Children?

Again, I return to where our marriage started to show “options.” Sunday, August 24, 2025. Hell, it was before that, Sunday, January 31, 2021. In August, we lost ourselves. In January, I lost HIM… Braxton.

Braxton, my firstborn, “My Sweet Lord,” and my everything until… You. And I made the same promise. Always and forever. Forever and Always. Then there are days like this. “Mama said there’ll be days like…”

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

This? My mama wasn’t like “The Man” from Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road.” “I’m Thinking of Ending Things” is a movie title and not an idea that drones on and on. Winston Smith, weighing his options and knowing the inevitable conclusion. Like him, all I have to do is “transfer to paper the interminable restless monologue that had been running inside his(my) head, literally for years.” That was never an option for me, either, my “Sweet Love.” Loving my boy, well, boys with Virgil. Our children. You. And since I first wrote my name, the written word. The only option for me has been loving myself.

Somehow, today I find myself hating myself even more than usual. Is that possible? Always.

Why is that, you ask?

Ask yourself why you are still “Dear Future Wife,” and here I am, forty-one, somehow. No, not somehow, the truth of the matter is your husband is C for Coward, D for Deviant, and F for Failure—a and B? Archie, Virgil’s “first” name. Braxton, my Ma named him, ha!

And what about E? Enough? That’s what I’m contemplating right this second because of “Tomorrow.” As Salif Keita sings, I don’t understand it, but it’s going to be sad, love. Braxton always knows about “The Bad Place.” Virgil cries for me. And tomorrow no one will “Stand By Me.” Not for The Long Walk I must endure. I’ll be “The Running Man” for sure. Panic Attacks aren’t optional, Depression, Anxiety, FEAR… B’s An Option, Virgil.

1759 Days Without B III, Day 1200 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 142 ~V Visits Because Braxton~

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I could find someone to cover… It’s the week of Black Friday. I could be a no-call, no-show. Of course, I’d call or go in and say I can’t. Humiliations Galore. I could have a heart attack from worrying about it, “Forty-One.” V Visits Because Braxton.

Thursday, November 20, 2025

Journey 142 ~V Visits Because Braxton~

1754 Days Without B III, Day 1195 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? There wasn’t a vet visit. The maid “Special K” didn’t come over. Your Favorite Girl?

You know the six months prior to her becoming your Favorite Girl. So much barking.

That’s what I’m going to do today, B III. I’m going bark, b*tch, and bu… Uh, TMI, my buddy. Sorry! And I did that over a pair of Asian girls I’ve been watching lately because…

Business, bucks, and who doesn’t like a good bukkake scene… Oh, that’s gross, I know.

But we men ain’t we B. We two, we three, counting your brother, Virgil. Who thankfully left me alone awhile… The food truck wasn’t here today. But what is here, my little one, is this. FEAR. I’m still freaking out. I believe in polite circles, it’s called a “Panic Attack.” So, not Braxton, I won’t be finding courage, and the crying is different—Daddy’s cowardice.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

It ain’t Depression. It’s FEAR. And I’m going to explain it like you were a person. Get it, B? Because people are STUPID. As Snake Plissken said, “Welcome to the Human Race.” B. And isn’t it IRONIC… don’t you think,” that it’s people I’m trying to avoid next week. So, am I going to tell you the story or not? I wish I weren’t so effing hungry, B III. Damn!

Ok, so next week I’m doing something called Return Drop. The critical part B, People.

I had a Panic Attack a few years back. You might have guessed, given that I came back to you early. Well, now it’s on the schedule. Black and white. Black Friday. No way out.

I have until Tuesday to escape my fate, Little B. Then I might be visiting unemployment because, as I was screaming at Inspector Echo yesterday. I CAN’T DO THIS! Braxton…

I’m afraid. I could always drop dead. You don’t know how often I wish for that. And yes, I know “it ain’t right, it ain’t right, it ain’t right, it isn’t right. That sht is wrong.” But I’m not the “Head of State” either. Someone who can be scared shtless, sinful, skeevy, STUPID, and proud of it. I’m only a scared man who’s been visiting his Day Job for over a decade. And I believe I’ll be coming home to Virgil next week without a paycheck. It’s called a Panic Attack. V Visits Because Braxton

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad