Tag: Rage

Meditation 111 ~Braxton And Virgil, Positive~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Birthday Vigil. Level 4. 799 Days spent with me. May God have mercy on your soul… Anyway. Are there no presents? A freshly cut lawn and two full bowls of food and water. I ate the last of the Emergence Day cake. But Braxton And Virgil, Positive

Sunday, October 20, 2024

Meditation 111 ~Braxton And Virgil, Positive~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And before you forget, it’s not just any day. It’s Virgil’s birthday. A day that holds so much meaning and joy. (Laughs). So, can you try to be positive for his sake?

And to think you were sitting here wondering how to be positive for your own. Well, that ended as soon as you committed to getting up. And you’re still late getting started for today. And you have tears in your eyes. “Bright Light, Bright Light!” Who are you… Gizmo? Sigh. It could be from a lack of sleep or my actions last night. Mamimi Samejima…

There were “headlights” until 11:00 PM. And what time did you wake up this morning?

The very fact that you had to wake up at all is a cause for tears. Every week, I swear.

Braxton, though… Not one tear for him? Again, isn’t this Virgil’s day. Be proud, papa. Virgil’s made it to Level Four. Your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Everything Dies: Season One
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

One? Yeah, you’re still at one. But you have to keep reminding yourself about the one son you have left. 799 Days… That’s about two years and two months. When did Braxton become your son? It was the day the Olds got the new house, and you said, “Braxton, get in the car.” He’s been your Cerberus ever since. But even before then, you had a very positive vibe about him. Hell, Braxton was a Dire Wolf defending you from the Old Man as you spilled your B-positive blood all over or whatever your blood type is. Ask a Doc.

But once again, today is Virgil’s day. Do you remember what you did on his second or third birthday?Did you fail Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 14: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Or, more to the point, will you fail this week? Be grateful you still have a chance. But you’re not so positive you will. Virgil is much the same. He’s thankful to have his bed, a blanket, a chair, a loveseat, your bed, and comfy spots galore. But is he positive that you are the best thing he has going for him? Very doubtful. Hmm. I did clean up the yard. That was me, not you. I ate the last of the Emergence Day cake. I wondered why I suddenly had a craving last night.

However, Virgil has you now. What are you going to do? Sleep? Keep starting at Yuffie Kisaragi, all skeevy-like? Sing Happy Birthday before the annual birthday picture with Virgil. Uh, smile… Braxton And Virgil, Positive

1358 Days Without B III, Day 799 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 108 ~A Bargain Braxton… Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m reading a story I’d never share with B. And on Sundays, he knew to shut up so I could watch The Walking Dead. Could I give up the Dead for him? Sure. What about the WWE? Yep. Cheap, tawdry addictions for my son’s life? “A Bargain Braxton… Virgil”

Thursday, October 17, 2024

Meditation 108 ~A Bargain Braxton… Virgil~

1355 Days Without B III, Day 796 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Was my day exhausting? I’m sure. Humiliating? Of course. Am I being a meanie? Um…

I don’t like lying to you, B. If I hadn’t lied to you before, who knows? I would have seen you couldn’t handle my RAGE, and I could have gotten you help sooner. Now Virgil…

Virgil doesn’t deserve my WRATH. And I’m not that mean. If anything, I’m still grieving. From Sunday, January 31, 2021 to Thursday, October 17, 2024. And for the record, today is Sunday, October 13, 2024. Since we’re talking today, you know this week is Hell.

Braxton, every week without you feels… I don’t know. Bargain Basement Cheap. You’re bargaining with me to breathe for one more day. And in case you don’t get it (you were always so bright). Bargaining is the word for today. So, what brought this on?

Your guess is as good as mine. But while I was reading Everything Dies: Season One yesterday. I got to thinking. That’s never a good thing. Anyway, there’s The Five Stages of Grief, and so:

Denial: Your bed remains in the bedroom. Your food and meds are still on the counter after all these years. I haven’t changed the bedroom décor or thrown away clothes. It’s as if I’m still holding on to the hope that you’ll come back, refusing to accept the reality of your absence. But I know.

Anger: I hid my feelings, trying to shield you before your passing. I nearly punched out a manager after. You hadn’t been gone half an hour before your grandpa said to get a new “dog.” The anger I felt at that moment was overwhelming, a mix of grief and frustration at the insensitivity of others.

Bargaining: Why we’re here today.

Depression: Common as my anger

Acceptance: This will NEVER happen. The idea of accepting your absence feels like a betrayal, a denial of the love and bond we shared. How can I accept a world without you in it? NEVER!

I could continue always and forever, but the Day Job.

After you passed, I was a monk (Ha-Ha) for 161 days. And what was it that broke me, B III?

My love for you was so easily broken? Now, this isn’t about you. But I tell myself that I would do anything to have you back. And if I were to give up “adult situations…”

Braxton, “I don’t ever want to feel like I did that day.” Indifferent? Zombie-like? Worse?

RAGE, RAVISHMENT, REVOLVISION, the darkness, B. Everything Dies: Season One.

The things I desire, dictate upon the page and do are bargains. Being your Daddy. Braxton, that’s what cost me Everything. And I wonder if I’m failing to pay the cost or don’t want to. To exist? For Virgil? Forty years. A Bargain Braxton… Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 107 ~Braxton, Virgil, Dad’s BS~

WillLeave a comment

Even without a whole lot of food, toothpaste is still needed and plentiful. I was lucky to find fajita chicken, a bag of tortilla chips, some shredded cheese, and salsa. Wait? I’m supposed to be starving and celibate… Braxton, Virgil, Dad’s BS

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

Meditation 107 ~Braxton, Virgil, Dad’s BS~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And how is that sitting in bed today? Bothering to wake up. Opening my mouth. Taking a breath.

I’m sure Braxton would call it BS. Especially since he no longer breathes. One more reason I’m ashamed about today. Or should I say yesterday? Honestly, I’m such a Republican.

Not really, Inspector. EFF MAGA! But you know what I mean. I’m so ashamed about the past, but at least I have the stones to talk about it with you. What about Little Virgil, Echo?

Virgil and I don’t talk. Ever… However, I’ll ask him the same questions I once asked Braxton whenever I came back to the house. Manners Maketh Man. Right, dearest Echo.

“Just me, Baby V. Did you have a good day? Good day?” Ask Virgil how many times I’ve confused the letters V and B. It’s not funny. I know, Inspector.

The things that come out of my mouth. And what’s the last thing I’ve said to Virgil. I woke up at 3:48 AM because it wasn’t a good night. Only to say… well, the s-word and why. I’m talking to you at 8:54 AM, so I’m late. What was I doing last night besides trying to make chicken nachos? Inspector, I have a theory that Braxton was always eating because he didn’t want to tell me the truth. His full belly was pushing out sadness…

Eww! Was that a joke about Braxton’s bathroom breaks? I meant I’ve never seen Braxton sadder than when he had a full belly. His last days? When it was empty…

Braxton’s Euthanasia beats out any sins I’ve ever committed existence-wise.

But let’s talk about yesterday. There’s all my talk of making a better “life” that doesn’t mean anything. When I wake up to mornings like this, Inspector Echo. Wasting time.

I can talk about the blonde in the gold bikini that broke me after what? Three days? As the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” After I woke up my “Big Willy,” Inspector. Eww! And if it hadn’t been her, it would have been Cherry. Moaning, stroking.

Besides the stress from the Day Job, take a look around this place… “I got enemies, got a lot of enemies,” lots. “Many men. Many, many, many, many men.” Then there’s looking up bad guys. Like Isaku? My big mouth, Inspector. Dad’s BS, Braxton, Virgil

1354 Days Without B III, Day 795 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 104 ~That’s Braxton Line, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Whose Line Is It Anyway? I would be better off holding the line between my lips. Or the $300.00 worth of lines I wasted with “Outskirts Press.” Should I go all Wild ‘n Out and such? Every day, I live a LINE and cross one. That’s Braxton Line, Virgil.

Sunday, October 13, 2024

Meditation 104 ~That’s Braxton Line, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the only thing that separates us is today and yesterday. You were STUPID versus… are STUPID.

Oh, what a way to start a Sunday? Huh, with a STUPID line. But you can do so much worse.

Braxton is gone. And the world is a STUPIDER place without him. However, there’s you.

Yesterday, I told Lady Lunalesca I shouldn’t eat sour and sweet… More like spicy and sour foods before bed. I should also add this. Don’t read about zombies, either. Only it wasn’t the monsters that disturbed me. And you seemed okay, too… Edging after midnight.

‘You Are a Sad, Strange Little Man.” Or you will be. It’s only been six hours. But what about being a good one? What about B III? How about 2-V? They’re only a breath away.

A line on a sheet of paper. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Taking Kelsey by Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now, I could talk about how I stumbled last week, and how you might this week. Where’s your faith? It’s easy to feel like it left with Braxton, and you’re realizing that no one is listening to your prayers. It’s been six hours, and you’ve already stumbled on number six. You would have stumbled on number four if Virgil had not made his appearance. Number three is a tough one.

Instead, let’s talk about the boundaries that were crossed last night and are still bothering you. I know you were admiring some businesswoman’s “assets,” but you’re not that kind of person. That’s funny. You have more respect than that… Sigh.

Anyway, I was reading Everything Dies: Season One, and with what Adam tried to do to that little girl, Emily… And what Harley tried to do to Emily’s mother, Kristin. These lines… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Everything Dies: Season One
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Failing these things… which you will, is one thing. But what some men will do. The disgusting, depraved degenerates. You’re a bad man, but nothing on such a level (shudders).

We’re talking a few pages in a book full of zombies. While you’re writing “Sofía’s Nightmare,” that would get you banned quicker than P$rnHub. There are certain lines you don’t cross. And when they are… Well, you wonder why you rise every day, old man.

Throw The Covers, and there you go, crossing a line. Leaving this bedroom is another. Every door opened. The food from packages eaten. Seven out of the ten things in the search bar. Your stories and these words. Lines you shouldn’t cross. Why? Because FORTY sucks! That’s Braxton Line, Virgil

1351 Days Without B III, Day 792 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 101 ~Braxton The Professional, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Everyone Says Hi. But that’s the Day Job for ya. And it’s next week. After I wasted most of this week thinking someone fired me without telling me. Well, Braxton found new employment amongst the or at Hell’s Gates. “Braxton The Professional, Virgil.”

Thursday, October 10, 2024

Meditation 101 ~Braxton The Professional, Virgil~

1348 Days Without B III, Day 789 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Hopefully, it wasn’t a work day. Do they have jobs on The Rainbow Bridge, Braxton?

Are you giving Cerberus a break at the Gates of Hell? Ironic, isn’t it? I can’t REALLY say I’m in Hell because, according to my body, I am very much alive. And if I were with you, Braxton. You’d ensure I could never leave our “HOME” again. Never again. Professional.

Better a guard dog than a hitman, like Leon: The Professional. Again, “isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? When the truth is, I put you in the ground. Or rather in the oven… Ashes… Geez!

Braxton, I should not be making that type of joke as a particular type of person. No, not ever! Especially with “you know who” running for president. And the evil he and MAGA foster. Who do I think I am?

Whoever I am, whatever I am, it ain’t rich. And isn’t that what brings me to you today, my son? Oh, and I REALLY need to stop looking at those AI pictures of the senator…

Braxton, not that one. I mean Senator Padme Amidala. Before that, it was Kara from Detroit: Become Human. I am being gross and highly inappropriate. Uh, your aunt’s Yabbos… But it was Kara that broke me last night. Stress release after my Day Job order.

The schedule? Yeah, I got one for next week. Oh, the irony… (Rolls Eyes). They are the only ones I blame for your passing besides myself. And I feel good that I have that job…

Now that’s gross, evil, and rich rolled into one, Braxton.

I swear I woke up this morning after such and such a dream/nightmare… I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. It was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident all over again.

You weren’t protecting me from such dreams and disgusting behaviors. What? It’s not your job. And it’s not Virgil’s either, as he snores away at the foot of the bed. And of course, I’m FORTY!!! And the Day Job must pay me more to afford both hearth and home. My manhood, I know. Your Grandpa paid your food and medical bills before the Day Job?

What do I want to do for a living? I’m trying to figure it out, Braxton. I want to make you proud, but it takes work. I miss you, son. If the money is lousy, you can always come HOME. Yet, Braxton The Professional, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 100 ~Working For Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What do you want to be when you grow up? But I’m not finished growing. I believe in growth. Ok, I should cut the lawn. B wouldn’t put up with foolishness, my faking a life, and all my fears. Watching others eff? That’s not Working For Braxton, Virgil

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Meditation 100 ~Working For Braxton, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… It must suck, you know. Breathing. That’s the first thing that came to mind today. My Day Job?

Inspector Echo, we’ll get to that. But for now, shall I tell you the best job I ever had? Hmm?

Being Braxton’s Dad, of course. I will ask again. Now that Emergence Day is in the rearview, am I ready to start crying about Braxton again? I should return to reading about grieving fur buddies before December. Only I have gotten into reading about zombies.

It’s Halloween season. And speaking of scaredy cats. I would have invited Virgil to read with me, but I have known him for 788 days, and he has yet to relax. Inspector? Virgil is terrified.

Living in fear? No wonder the both of us are always so exhausted. Virgil’s fear has been a constant in my existence for 788 days, far longer than the usual acclimation period for new “pets,” which is 90 days. But Try 40 years of terror.

And before I forget. Virgil’s Birthday is coming up on the 20th. Will I still have my Day Job by then? Do I still have it today? How many times have I checked the schedule? The uncertainty is eating me up. Meat for the grinder.

Inspector, I was up at 3:00 AM on Monday and got fully dressed. “JIC’ Just In Case I got called for being late. Tuesday, I got up at the same time. And today? Well… It’s 6:35 AM, so I’m back to my regularly scheduled slothfulness. I’m waiting until Thursday, Inspector. Such anxiety about the future.

The fact that this is bothering me so much. I can’t enjoy the week. I had all this time. But, like Virgil, being afraid is an occupation in and of itself. The horror, the horror of living in constant fear and anxiety. But then, sigh…

Inspector, the living at all…

No wonder I was drawn to reading about the dead. This comes from the man who wants to make a living on his back… Preferably with some girl on top of me with a cracking set of melons, vying in ecstasy. Ah, Yabbos! Then again, to be behind the camera…

And while thinking about buttons, what about the story I’ve been working on, Inspector Echo? My Raison d’être and all that? I can’t say I’ve even begun Chapter Eight. Again, I was researching ideas, and that led me to Ashely Graham and Fiona Belli. BarbellSFM’s Mold videos and some other “sick” things. Dare I say Pestilence? Inspector, there’s having “WORK…”

That’s not a dirty word. Having it and not kills me. Working For Braxton, Virgil.

1347 Days Without B III, Day 788 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 097 ~Little Braxton, Virgil, Me~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve been reading short stories, counting up the small change, and seeing a little bit of trouble. Like I have no schedule for the Day Job. Little V needs his nails trimmed. And there’s been less B talk since Emergence Day. Little Braxton, Virgil, Me

Sunday, October 6, 2024

Meditation 097 ~Little Braxton, Virgil, Me~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And is there a reason you’re not a mother-effin’ starboy yet? Besides being 6:00 AM right now…

“You need a hero, look in the mirror, there go your hero”
Pray for Me

Really? The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar. You need the noise to compensate for the lack of it from your phone. Relax, it’s only been Widowmaker from Overwatch and your moans this morning. Beats groaning. With a little nostalgia for the things… girls you’ve never done.

Seriously, you’re pretty crass this morning. And judging from those Kendrick Lamar lyrics, you wanted to be positive. The lyrics came to mind at the Day Job, I swear. Hence, you’re not able to relax in bed right now. “Easy like Sunday mornin’,” I swear.

Braxton would have made it so. Are you going to cry about Little Braxton today? I cried twice yesterday, but neither time was about him. What about Virgil, then? And there’s always, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I wish I could say I worried about the little things… Oops! So now it’s your turn. It’s why you’re up so early. You were supposed to be up at 4:00 AM. Well, something was up plenty… Eww! Something big, all up in the Widowmaker’s guts. Big distractions like Piper Niven’s clothing. This is a big problem you have. Lust! Only there’s so much bigger.

Do you remember how I said your phone isn’t making any noise? Today, you’re listening for the Day Job schedule to drop. Were there no working hours FOUND for you? Have you been (gulp) FIRED? Is it yet another FAILURE of your manhood that you can’t work a phone. You’re a forty-year-old man looking to fail these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Taking Kelsey by Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So, if you aren’t going to let these little things crush you. Then why not have some big ideas? Right? No wonder your dreams have been filled with Piper Niven, Harmony Reigns, Estella Bathory, Cherry, etc. The “Skinny Minnies,” as Cherry calls them, get you into trouble. And that’s all you’ve been thinking about. And trouble has quite enticing figures.

Like falling in love with some petite brunette? Again, while I was at the Day Job. I thought about never falling in love. If you don’t get your schedule today… Where will you be when you have such thoughts. At the house with Virgil, who isn’t Braxton. Don’t be mean.

Such small words are mean. Be the bigger man. Eww, Advice! Little Braxton, Virgil, Me

1344 Days Without B III, Day 785 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 094 ~Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort~

WillLeave a comment

Of all the psychiatrists I visited, no one had a couch. I never ended up on one. That type of healing was reserved for reading on the couch with B. Movie nights with his honorary aunt. And other films. Comfy spots. Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort.

Thursday, October 3, 2024

Meditation 094 ~Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort~

1341 Days Without B III, Day 782 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? And yes, I asked Virgil the same question. But, will I begin talking about you…

AGAIN! As we move further away from my Emergence Day. Or closer. It depends, B.

Like the difference between a couch and a loveseat. Seriously? I’m looking for comfy spots. And for the third day in a row… Sunday, September 29, 2024. I’ve made it to the Dining Room table once more. I’ve told several in the harem; this week will be worse, B III.

Excuse me, did I say worse? What I meant to say was, “more difficult.” I swear, Braxton, I miss talking about politics with you. Virgil can’t stand it. Is that why he cuddles up to me nightly and I finish everything or not during the day? I finally watch television.

Braxton, even if I sleep, I can never rest. You?

Well, not with me griping every day. I got a message from M Anime about her being a complaint on two legs. I’m a complaint on three. Eww! I know B III, I’m so sorry.

Thankfully, your Aunt, her girlfriend, and their fur buddy haven’t come to join you, B.

Only here I am, safe and sound, imagining new furniture for the Living Room, Braxton.

As if I do any Living. And what about Virgil? Even now, I’m still upset… Your Dad can hold a grudge, grief, and a groan when I hear you or Virgil walking around the corner when I thought I had some alone time. Again, Eww!

Awkward and uncomfortable, but consider this, Braxton. I have a choice. It’s either for my comfort or Virgil’s. I got around $150.00… So, still broke.

A little less than half must go to the bare minimum to keep me alive. So yeah, food. Here’s the choice: I can use the remaining funds to buy Virgil’s medication (Heartworm Prevention). However, I could buy a lifetime subscription to Balance for myself. After the 30th, the price hikes back up by hundreds. Virgil isn’t dying, and we’re talking one month. Medication’s late already.

It’s only by a few days. The answer is obvious. Buy the medication! Effing honestly. Only it’s the difference between being a Friend, Best Friend, and a Daddy. I understand.

The difference between a home, a threesome, or a harem. An orgy or a gang-bang. A couch, loveseat, and casting couch, Eww! Professional couch time, maybe. Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 093 ~Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” School, the Day Job, this blog, OnlyFans, Substack, noveling, etc. What was my first impression of B? Am I back to talking about my son? Or my wayward loins. Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil.

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Meditation 093 ~Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Or I will, considering today is Saturday, September 28, 2024. I already talked to Dear Future Wife first.

And did I begin mourning over Braxton again on the 1st of tha Month? To sound like a particular political party… “I don’t recall.” Inspector Echo, of all the days I despise drawing breath… So, all of them? And twice for the Month of Emergence that just passed. Day one?

Something about the first of the Month always gets to me. A chance at a clean slate? Hell! Even Braxton passed on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Speaking of my firstborn, I’m still ashamed of what I thought Virgil would be like. My little boy B III returned from the dead… The guilt is overwhelming, Inspector.

The reincarnation of my son Braxton. Nope! I should go back and read some of those reincarnation titles. What am I reading? We’ll get there.

But first, there’s the fact that I have made it out of the bed twice, My Lady. 27th and 28th. Could this be the start of something? Do I hate my Day Job that much? As I’m talking to you now? Again, there was Dear Future Wife and Madam J. This week… Pray For Me.

Today is the first day of the rest of existence. I still wish I could be done with it all. Sometimes, and this is the best-case scenario, it’s as if I’m in the movies Groundhog Day and Happy Death Day. Somewhere in the middle would be Spontaneous, Tales of The Walking Dead Blair; Gina and Black Mirror’s White Christmas. The worst-case scenario is Hell. There’s no second chances. (Cough) GOP.

“There’s no escape. This is just some kinda loop, an eternal recurrence, a return to the very worst moment of your life over and over and over again.” The Mill

It’s why I like all “my” bills… Do I mean my Olds bills? Anyway, the ones I pay come on the first of the Month. Or as early as possible. And speaking of something… someone is “coming.” And having to pay. Well, Inspector, I’m reading Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe. Long story short, a young woman uses her body to buy protection for her and her little sister from zombies.

At the start of every month, I go all ixnay on the adult play. It’s also when I decide which OnlyFans girls, AI artists, and other card-taking Yabbos I don’t need to pay, Inspector Echo.

Yet, I always find some kink to replace them. Inspector Echo, there are never good hobbies. Or good choices. Waking up on time, three squares daily, and writing adult novels. It’s a constant struggle with personal decisions, Inspector. My mind.

Inspector, I survived Emergence Day, and I am now forty. Why? Braxton’s Second Chance, Virgil.

1340 Days Without B III, Day 781 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

A letter every Sunday to count up the week’s failures. Genius? But whoever called me that? Braxton thought I was for 15 years. But here I am at 40. And I knew better at 7. And isn’t 2V’s birthday soon? “Letters V. Numbers Braxton”

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you could be looking better. Living. Loving. Live, Laugh, Love… And other things you won’t read.

Like the two novels I wrote for Braxton? Remember, it’s still September. And “Today is all about you.” I know, I know! My former self talked to me about the music references, too. But between listening to your Braxton’s ghost. The pitter-patter of Virgil being allowed into the room after… Well, you know how most of these mornings begin… Uh…

Dammed for your son being gone. Damn! You had to wake up. DAAAAAMN! The girl you’re looking at is ten, even without double Ds. Or they’re even bigger Yabbos. Or…

And you see, that’s why “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Give yourself a break. At least it didn’t take you an hour to quit moaning. Thirty-Five minutes. Now Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“The Good Book” says it took God six days to create the Heavens and the Earth. So what? So, it was a standard workweek, and he got called in on a Saturday. No wonder “it’s” angry. And on the 7th, he rested and tried not to think about how, uh, yes, mistakes were made. Lots.

“There’s too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there’s not much love to go around.”
― Land of Confusion by Genesis

And here you are on your 7th day. Braxton breathed his last on a Sunday. Stop it! “It’s no surprise to me; I am my own worst enemy.” Stop it! And since “I got enemies, got a lot of enemies.” Seriously! “Many men wish death upon me.” You’re giving yourself far too much credit. It’s one of the reasons you have this list. To remember. Letters, Numbers Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The Letter is F. The Number is Zero or One. And to pour a little salt in the wound, this all started on Sunday, January 7, 2018, Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~. It reached this “version” on Sunday, January 28, 2018, Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~. I swear.

Seven years… If fifteen is your lucky number (Braxton’s Age). Then seven is… Stop It!

The critic is always saying I had to stay on topic. I’m sure you’ll hear that. But then again, with this week? The point is that it’s not letters/words or numbers today. It is about your actions, Will. They hold the power to change things.

But not sleeping, slapping the sausage, or salacious words. You must speak to your son.

And this letter? It’s not just another numbered failure. It’s a call to action. Please Act! Letters V. Numbers Braxton.

1337 Days Without B III, Day 778 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will