Tag: Writing

Meditation 058 ~Braxton And Virgil Call~

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What’s My Age Again? Thirty-Nine until E-Day. I wouldn’t have made it past seven if I had my way. A time way before the smartphones… Speaking of which, how old is my phone. It’s not like I get anything but bad news. I’d rather Braxton And Virgil Call

Wednesday, August 28, 2024

Meditation 058 ~Braxton And Virgil Call~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… According to “my” phone, at least. Who pays the bill? I restarted the timer of me “getting off…”

What? Yesterday, I was busy writing/stealing that scene from Episode Five of the series Discipline -The record of a Crusade- You know, the one of Madoka Araki. Why was that?

I’m staying alive!!! STAY ALIVE!!! My battle cry? The clarion call? A mandate from Heaven? Or wherever my Braxton resides after his passing. My son is asking me to wait to join him. And where’s Virgil? Well, he’s at the foot of the bed for now. This isn’t about him. But then again, yes, it is. Just because my boys don’t use phones doesn’t mean I don’t hear their voices. Yesterday, I got a call about Virgil. What about the call I’ve been dreading? I got a text from my Olds. It wasn’t about E-Day.

But E-Day, the day of my Emergence, Existence, and Extinction, is coming. It remains the second most horrific day in “my life.” But not yet…

My Olds informed me of some vote that was happening. And while I’m all for civic duty and whatnot, I want to hide out for the next two weeks. Even better, I wish I could just sleep through it all, like the song says, ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends.’ But no, I’m ‘awake and alive’ at this moment, sadly.

I wish I wasn’t, Inspector, my hand to God or Braxton. I would “happily” join the ranks of the dead rather than grow another year older. But haven’t I Echo? I’ve been saying for days now what rests in my head. It ain’t a brain. E-Day worries, women sans clothing.

Inspector? A silver lining? “Today is all about you.” Me…

By that I mean me. And who am I without a phone? Who are any of us, for that matter? I’m someone to Virgil because I got a call about picking up his medication yesterday. Inspector, I’m sitting here hoping “my” paycheck hits early so I can fetch those meds. Echo, it wouldn’t matter anyway because I won’t let Virgil follow Braxton… Not my call? I have to pick up food, so I already made myself sick with an energy shot, but the Day Job? Yeah, I got my schedule. My entire existence is run by the beeps and boops of the screen, Inspector. And if I wanted something for E-Day… Braxton returning… Joining him. Inspector “my” phone should Evolve. But, Braxton And Virgil Call.

1305 Days Without B III, Day 746 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

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Sunday, August 25, 2024

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And before I get into the minutiae of your existence, remember this above all else. STAY ALIVE!

You have two weeks starting today. And no, this is not about your little sister. But if you’re still here for her birthday… How will you feel? Again, it doesn’t matter if you STAY ALIVE!

I worried about the little things yesterday. Cleaning the toilets and clocking some names. And, of course, your sons, Braxton and Virgil. And what about Braxton’s Aunt and her Gabe… If there is a silver lining about this “Time of the Season,” it’s this. For once, as the song goes, “Today is all about you.” It will be for these next two weeks. You’ll remember…

“Make them REMEMBER WHAT FEAR TASTES LIKE!” Freddy vs. Jason

You’re always afraid, and it will grow like your excuses for abdicating Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Dawn By Michael Dalton
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Are you becoming like Cherry and using your “test-worthy” words? Don’t get started on her. But comedy comes in 3’s. And this morning, it’s been Araki Madoka, Jasmine Teaa. And now Cherry. If anything, “adult fodder” is unlimited. Add Kaneda Maiko to the mix. Giggty!

The big things, as in Yabbos. Don’t you wish the love you should have for yourself was as GIGANTIC as those ladies’ Yabbos? At this rate, the last thing on your mind will be some girl. Tyrion Lannister had it right about being 80. And you’re halfway there, friend. Ha-Ha!

Not funny. None of this is. And yet, 1302 days ago, you asked Braxton to stay for you. For this? Another year older, a week failing at Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 13 Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But right now, you are alive, trying to avoid doing something STUPID. Virgil is right here, so that means you can look but don’t touch… And if you weren’t right here, what would happen to him? You live more for one boy’s memory than another boy’s next breath. The difference between Braxton and Virgil. Much like dreaming last night. Eww!

Last night’s nightmares, I swear. For the record, those secrets I feared sharing… While I may have a particular interest in Nerotare. Futanari is a “Hard Limit.” Last night… Weird.

These next two weeks will be filled with horror because next to Braxton’s last breath, your next breath is the worst thing. So why am I asking you to STAY ALIVE? STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE.

1302 Days Without B III, Day 743 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 054 ~Good Night, B, V~

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A Nightmare On Elm Street, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Captiva… Uh… Don’t look up Captiva. But, the idea is not to sleep. I think about B III all day, and if I sleep, I have nightmares and then wake up to another day. “Good Night, B, V.”

Saturday, August 24, 2024

Meditation 054 ~Good Night, B, V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And what do billionaires dream about? Instead, what resides in their nightmares? Losing, Less, Level money…

We don’t all lose Ducketts the same way Lady Luna. We don’t all give “The D” to the same woman… (Snickers). I still have my thing for brunettes and dark-haired ladies. And you remember there was a time when I was really into Asian women. There’s this one nowadays… Okay, I need to shut up. I’m well aware we don’t all dream the same way.

Lunalesca, we don’t all lose a dog the same way. My son Braxton. His Aunt is mourning her son Gabe. For her, the nightmare has just begun. But for me? I live my Braxton’s loss.

So last night, Braxton did not appear in “my” nightmares. The worst day in existence.

Dear Lunalesca, instead, I dreamed of “The Horror, The Horror.”

What “My” Mind Finds Scary:

First, there were the sirens somewhere in the night. I dreamt the police were looking for me. Or rather, a podcast that must have had all my confessions of evil. If you want to see what a sinner I am, how skeevy and sick, check my X/Twitter page. Which leads me to my second nightmare. Looking up “stuff & thangs at the Day Job. I’ve never done that, Lunalesca. But I did get my Ma in trouble once at her job… Third, was losing ladies…

https://twitter.com/@WillsWants

There was losing Special K, “The Maid.” And there was this mom who once modeled for me. But of course, she’s a “good woman.” My last nightmare was about secrets. So many in forty years…

And that’s the thing, Lady Lunalesca. I’m turning forty soon. The thought of it now brings tears to my eyes. I could be crying over my Braxton. Can I spare a tear for Virgil? Hmm.

Braxton’s Aunt lost her furry son. But no. I’m selfish, scared, and slumming my existence. And as I told Braxton’s Aunt last night. I’m either up all night zoned out. And then I find out it’s 1:30 AM. So when I cut out the lights, I sleep. But I don’t rest, Lunalesca. I can’t, Lu. To put it simply, I’m consumed by fear and anxiety.

And I wish that, at the very least, next week would be a time of rest and relaxation. Rutting? Lunalesca.

I won’t be. Fear over the phone. My Olds. Other things… Good Night, B, V.

1301 Days Without B III, Day 742 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 053 ~Virgil’s So Random Braxton~

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Virgil’s random? Only when he decides to get sick. Or when he chooses what to decorate in what shade of sickness. Maybe it’s my mood. This is why I choose to read about other people’s moods. Nothing as dull as “Randomize…” Virgil’s So Random Braxton.

Friday, August 23, 2024

Meditation 053 ~Virgil’s So Random Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Uh… Do I have any of Virgil? He barked at a possum. He “handled” my nephews…

Virgil has been here 741 Days by the time you’re reading this, and I don’t have anything of note. Braxton has been gone 1300 Days, and he has two novels. God knows how many memories. And remind me to post on social media how long it’s been since he passed.

Nothing is random, My Lady. Everything is scheduled down to the minute. Or at least that’s true when I’ve downed an energy drink on a Sunday afternoon. Sunday, August 18, 2024, to be specific. And now the ideas are flowing in, especially with the schedule.

Sophia, I often find myself drawn to writing when I’m reminded of the day job. Braxton’s passing, random women, scenarios, urges, and, don’t forget, a book review. Andy Weir’s Randomize:

Randomize Something Cause I’m Bored

Three Stars… And one of those is purely off of reputation and “respect” for a friend. But did I like Randomize… It was short and wasn’t horrible. But pretty boring…

I’m no genius, but the technical babble was utterly random. That puts you in the shoes of the pretty clever casino owner. I suppose. That was the best part. But I don’t want to spoil it. But near the end, when he was matching wits with such and such. However, while I am a fan of life imitating art or vice versa, I would turn on the news. If I wanted to see or read something like this. My friends are tired enough. But if they need a sleeping aid…

I don’t like giving “bad” reviews because I have my writing, which is trash. And isn’t that a horrible thing to say with everything and everyone that inspires my writing? There’s, of course, my son. M Anime and Cherry. Many “pretty, pretty, pretty girls” like the song “Beast of Burden.”

What about those random thoughts of mine? Lupe Fuentes and Hannah Harper. And they’ll be more to incorporate into “my” story. Why? Because I can’t work on it right now.

The Day Job can be so random. I can say the same about sleep. I woke up at 3:30 AM today and couldn’t take a 20-minute nap. I’m too busy reading the calendar and so many books. A word… Forty. Eww! Virgil’s So Random Braxton.

1300 Days Without B III, Day 741 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 052 ~Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned~

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With some cash, I’d find myself a drug habit or drink. I know people who’ve escaped. My escape? My therapist son’s in a box. And my other family? The ones I dream of are out there or in a tissue. Eww! My “life.” “Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned”

Thursday, August 22, 2024

Meditation 052 ~Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned~

1299 Days Without B III, Day 740 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for my day… I wish I were stoned, sloshed, or sleeping like your brother.

Brother? How dare I? But it was only yesterday, Friday, August 16, 2024. I referred to Virgil as your little brother. A milestone? It beats a headstone. But then again, how’s Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever you are? I worry that I will join you there, B. Not yet…

We’re another day closer to E-Day, the day I met Existence. But I don’t want to talk about death. It’s not like you got a headstone. You’re in a box on the nightstand. How would I like my remains displayed?

Now, didn’t I just say we shouldn’t talk about death? But surviving your passing was a massive milestone for me. And here come the tears. But it beats the alternative. 161 days, Braxton, before I gave into my sin. Eww!

We shouldn’t talk about that either. But what about your little bro? Any milestones? Hmm? I bought a new rug and placed it under Virgil’s ‘training pad.’ Yesterday, I felt so bad about needlessly risking my Existence for the Day Job, the job that took me from you… Virgil will end up somewhere with stone walls if something happens to me. But he’s getting yet another sleep fix, B III.

He doesn’t want to interrupt us. Or just me? It’s not as if I’ve done anything to make my mark on the world. Even today. It would be one where you need to hang out in your room for a while. But I’m keeping myself together because Virgil is here. I’m lying against the pillow one more day, wasting away.

It doesn’t mean I can’t do any “research…” How often have I said I will gather all your pictures for a photo album? Since 2021. But somehow or another, the names of so many others:

  1. Sakura and Tsubaki Miyajima
  2. Reina and Reika Kurashiki
  3. Tomoko “A Mother’s Love”

I need to speak Dog more and less Japanese. Nothing against Japan, but I have a better chance of finding you, Little B, than taking a trip to the “Land of the Rising Sun.” Though I’ve been thinking a lot about the games I’ve never played. I’m wasting more money.

Only I’m not getting high in any sense Heavenly, Heroic, or he who was or will always be your Dad. Petrified. Braxton’s Headstone, Virgil’s Stoned

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 051 ~When B Provides, Virgil~

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Providing a peaceful sleep. A reason to be a Dad. Having two sons. A chance to not be skeevy. Not when Braxton was following me. And what did I provide, Braxton? A box… A room to stay in. Pretty girls. The one with his name. “When B Provides, Virgil”

Wednesday, August 21, 2024

Meditation 051 ~When B Provides, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Now… I am not a believer. I’ve traversed the spectrum of faith, from ‘professed’ Christian to agnostic, to atheist, and now, to a father. A daddy, my dear.

And ain’t nobody going to tell me that the soul of my son disappeared into the existence of nothingness. I may not talk to ‘God’ anymore since Braxton’s passing. But my boy is out there somewhere, and he’s not Virgil. I’m sorry. This is one more sin that I have been committing. I’m reading quotes from Pet Loss books. I’m reaching out to B’s Aunt.

Anyway, that means reviewing some titles on reincarnation and the like. I failed. Braxton? I survived fifteen years past my “due time,” proving my son never failed me. Braxton always provided for me. But that’s not the way of things.

Especially not now as I approach my fortieth E-Day. I should be ashamed. I AM.

But that shame comes in waves. However, it hit me harder yesterday evening, Dear Echo.

Was it looking at the last cupcakes I got from the Day Job? Free food is free food, Inspector Echo.

It could have been as I finished reading Bikini Dawn. I believe Ethan can finally say that he has a harem… Olivia, Lexie, and now Meredith. I thought Meredith would end up with Maddie, “Ethan’s Daughter.” There’s still 10% left Inspector Echo. Anything could happen.

How about when I was playing The Walking Dead: No Man’s Land. And I was looking at all my resources, which meant absolutely nothing. Not with me sitting here, Inspector.

Wasn’t it last year, the year before, I was telling Virgil I couldn’t save us…

Being a hero is one thing. But being a nearly forty-year-old man with nothing, Inspector. Being a provider is the bare minimum, and I can’t even do that. A strong survivor, a real provider, a Tru Rider… That’s me. Please! V has a comfy spot and a full bowl. I can cut up some rotisserie chicken and make a salad with a head of lettuce. More books. There’s always more.

What? I need another one about Yabbos. I’m writing one about Yabbos. Or at least looking up pictures, which is why I was looking up Mezzo Forte instead of writing something, Inspector. Braxton provided me inspiration to write about “better worlds.” Even if I sent him to his room Inspector.

Providing? That’s what men do. Myself? When B Provides, Virgil

1298 Days Without B III, Day 739 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 048 ~Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil~

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So what are my plans? I didn’t plan on sitting at the Dining Room table, but I am. I didn’t plan on finding an episode of an “anime.” But I did. I never planned on B III passing. Then there’s M Anime’s birthday. My E-Day… Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil.

Sunday, August 18, 2024

Meditation 048 ~Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And despite having no physical ailments at the moment other than being “aroused.” You’re not looking good.

Wow! What a way to start off such A Beautiful Morning friend. At least it’s not raining, so Virgil can go out. And hopefully, he won’t leave a mess in the house. I didn’t prepare you for that, sorry. What, buying more shrimp and some baby back ribs wasn’t enough? Probably not. And again, you have this ball of white fluff sleeping beside you. Sigh.

That only gives you more time to grapple with the loss of Braxton. Oh! And say Happy Birthday to M Anime. You wonder how old she is today. She’s somewhere in her late thirties. So, no wonder I’ve been into the “motherly collection” of adult entertainment lately. Seriously, big Yabbos!

But with Virgil here, you climbed out of bed and cried over Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown… Please Effing, Finish The Story!!!
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, that is a lie. A little after 7:00 AM, you were grappling with your upcoming E-Day. God, Forty! You need to make arrangements and plans. A dream would help. But Where Is My Mind?

Last night, I dreamed about a bag of luggage, a symbol of the baggage we carry… in life. Perhaps. You were halfway tempted to check the closet downstairs for the exact bag. Yeah, this morning hasn’t started off too well for you. Do they ever?

You wonder how Braxton did it. Like father, like son, B lived in “perpetual mourning.” That’s why his happiness, horn-dog attitude, and helpfulness were more… pronounced. I couldn’t take that from him, nor would I ever try. But I would walk in, and Braxton’s day?

Ruined? Again, that’s another lie. Like doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Dawn By Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

B mourned, but he made me better. He made the world a better place. He would bark out that the world better watch out for me. And for you? What is your plan this week?

Inevitable. Point, Blank, Period. Endure And Survive… You Are The Walking Dead. I’m sure Cherry asked herself why I went on a rant about Vampires and Zombies. And the Infected versus the Undead. Anyway, you make plans for a future you will never see. Braxton…

Braxton, your zombie apocalypse partner, is gone. And you can’t see past your next E-Day. Hell, you can’t see past Tsubaki Miyajima’s Yabbos. Or Jasmine Teaa’s, M Anime’s, or Cherry’s… You break, bury, and get better. Braxton believed you’d get better. Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil.

1295 Days Without B III, Day 736 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 047 ~Obsession Without B, Virgil~

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What do you call someone obsessed with sleep? Clinomania, Hypersomnia, Orthosomnia? And how about someone who is so in love with dying… Well, I’m not saying that word. Obsessed with Yabbos. Days of research. Obsession Without B, Virgil

Saturday, August 17, 2024

Meditation 047 ~Obsession Without B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So, “If I fall short. If I don’t make the grade…” Is that today’s song, Lunalesca?

Yesterday, it was “Love me when I’m gone.” Only the one who would do that has already passed. My son Braxton. “You always hurt the one you love,” right? Again, Braxton is in a box on the nightstand. But what about Virgil? Hell! What about me? I’m being a meanie. I’m consumed by guilt. Always…

How so? Again, it was yesterday. I was working with the Visual Lady. And while I’m ashamed of what I’ll do for a pretty face and a fantastic set of Yabbos, Melons, Milkers… I swear we’re going to get to those Lunalesca. Anyway, she wasn’t enough to make me risk my existence. But then I thought about my son. Falling and dying? I join B.

So I stood on those shelves at the Day Job hanging up the new signs, and ta-da … I LIVED!

Luna, I am not obsessed with life but with death. I need only wait until my fortieth E-Day, and I’m sure my Olds will oblige. Talk about my obsession with my approaching E-Day? No, this is more of a worry.

I’m obsessed with my son, sleep, and slumming it, says the “man” in the house his Olds paid for. I have yet to see the plethora of bills and the sins I indulge in Lunalesca.

Obsession? “I’m just a sucker for pain.” And let us remember the music, Lady Lunalesca. Only that has taken a backseat to everything else going on. Besides missing my boy and breaking a shelf, which would have sealed my doom, What about writing a book? I haven’t worked on Sofía’s Nightmare. In a traditional sense…

Copious Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights!

I swear Lunalesca, B reminds me of the strangest things. My son was/is a good man, but that didn’t stop him from cuddling up with his Aunt’s Yabbos. I’m sure he and Gabe have found some angels with nice pairs to cuddle up with and sleep. B III, watching today… I feel his absence keenly.

I hope he hasn’t been watching me for several days with what I’ve been up to lately… An Author’s Inspiration:

  1. Tomoko from Hajimete no Hitozuma: A Mother’s Love
  2. Saimin Seishidou The Case of Miyajima Tsubaki
  3. Alcina Dimitrescu Resident Evil
  4. Reina, Reika

What am I supposed to be obsessed with? Virgil wants to be a good boy? Braxton? Obsession Without B, Virgil.

1294 Days Without B III, Day 735 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 046 ~Braxton’s So GOLD Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ll scream “Virginia” for 3 reasons. One, I was watching Gettysburg (1993). I was a nine-year-old… The things they teach black kids… Eww! Second, the WF in Civil War (2024). Last, Morning Star, Virginia. Fantasies. But my “Braxton’s So GOLD Virgil.”

Friday, August 16, 2024

Meditation 046 ~Braxton’s So GOLD Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But not one of Olympic glory. So much for my patriotism, right? What about Morning Star?

A book like Morning Star makes me miss my son even more. I would talk to him, read, and even sing. Those were the days. But let’s stick with reading. Did Braxton help me pick books? His Dad’s bad habits…

According to 2019… Hell No! I was deep into my ‘Dom’ phase, except for a few self-help titles. It’s a regrettable phase, I admit. In 2020, I fell into ‘HaremLit’ and needed more help. Plus, I was busy trying to impress Cherry… Who am I kidding? I wanted to see her sans clothing. Her Yabbos…

B only saw January in 2021 before he made it to the top of the podium, if you know what I mean, my Lady. And afterward, my library got crazy. And 2022? Denial and Depression.

What’s with the time machine? It’s like I’m stuck in a loop, constantly revisiting the past through my reading and unable to move forward. Ever.

I said maybe… I want to satisfy you and everyone else since there will be no book review today, my Lady. Am I still stuck on Morning Star? The plight of the Golds, right, Sophia?

For the record, today is Saturday, August 10, 2024. Sophia, the last thing I’ve read…

Spoiler Alert 3, 2, 1…

Virginia/Mustang and Darrow/Reaper have a son!!! Virginia named him Pax…

Seriously, when did Virginia and Darrow get together? Before the Lion/Iron Rain? Like Starship Troopers says AHEM, “Would you like to know more?” I will finish the book after today or a few days, but I should have something new by next week. But as far as this story goes…

Again, Lady Sophia, I’m gross. Am I the only one to look up Virginia’s Yabbos?

A Gold girl and “I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me.” But to think I could have read this to my son. If I’m Darrow… (laughs hysterically). Braxton would be my Servo or Pax.

But enough about the book I’ve been slogging through, what about today, my dear Lady?

As I said earlier this morning, I usually waste money on food for myself. I bought Virgil’s life two years ago on Saturday, August 13, 2022. It wasn’t like I was a gold medal prize.

But today I spent money on more books. Let’s say with girls and Silver Foxes. I can’t review those. Such a sleazy mind… So, it’s The Call by Matt Shaw. It’s an effed-up read, I must say. The ways I spend ‘my gold.’ Braxton was/is priceless. Braxton’s So GOLD Virgil

1293 Days Without B III, Day 734 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 045 ~Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Whenever Braxton called me, it was something bad. But he was my protector, my praetorian, and he’ll always be my puppy. When it comes to women’s voices, they “remain my power, my pleasure, my pain.” And my voice? Sigh. Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton

Thursday, August 15, 2024

Meditation 045 ~Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton~

1292 Days Without B III, Day 733 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Are you comforting Gabe? Does he miss his mommy terribly? And as for your Aunt…

I’m feeling a bit lost, B. I should have reached out to you sooner. Yesterday? Today is Saturday, August 10, 2024. I should have spoken to you on Wednesday, January 27, 2021. Little B. Was that the last day you ate something? It could have been that Tuesday. That week…

Why did I bring this up today? No clue. I’m still embarrassed about talking to the woman who will never be your Ma. Words have power. I told you that often enough, didn’t I? Yeah… When I was sitting at the dining room table, I was writing but not eating.

Anyway, what was the question? Oh yeah, you and eating. This morning, after I downed an energy shot, I was ravenous. No, not again, Braxton.

But I woke up at 4:00 AM. And I needed anything to keep me awake. It’s going to be a long day. The day we’re speaking, and the day we’re at. I wanted to ask this. Why didn’t you tell me you were done eating. Only that’s a lie. I know. That Wednesday afternoon and all that night, you were restless and crying, and what was I doing. Yabbos weren’t involved. By Thursday, you were quiet, and I figured we’d see the vet that Friday. I can’t help but feel guilty about not realizing sooner.

I should have known. You were in my head and speaking through your eyes. Voices… There are so many in my head these days. I asked Luna if I was going crazy making up languages. Mourning, Moaning, Make Believe, Manuscripts

Mouths, Braxton. At this point… Sigh. I would send you to your room so I could be alone. I’m gross. But it’s about time to take Virgil outside before I spend money I don’t have so I can keep our mouths full. Sometimes, I feel Virgil Vivi was a mistake.

I know that’s mean, but I never tell Virgil that. But I’m not exactly talking about love either, B. 733 Days, and it’s still “Later V, Later Virgil.” Virgil howls when I leave, Braxton. It’s a constant reminder of the loneliness I feel without you.

Does he get sick on purpose? At least he’s hungry. As for myself? I always find something to moan about. Better it be food, money, or missing you, my little boy. Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad