Tag: Broken

Meditation 248 ~B Excited Someday Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Chains and whips excite me… Well, it’s more like chains, ropes, scarves, and a big enough (boulder holder) to hold a wrist. But I’d give it all up to have B on his leash again. Or for my old glasses… Yesterday was exciting… “B Excited Someday Virgil”

Thursday, March 6, 2025

Meditation 248 ~B Excited Someday Virgil~

1495 Days Without B III, Day 936 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day is only beginning, and I’m already disappointed. But I’m not crying… Not yet.

Excited? Only when I’m scared. When I’m being scary or amid a sin, but what am I afraid of today? Other than that, I live in a world without my protector. Where are you, Braxton?

I’ve been saying that a lot these days, B; I live in a world, fill in the blank. Because, oh no, the world is a scary place. I’m sure I scared you plenty. But not to death. I don’t think.

Anyway, I do miss your eyes. Hell! I miss my eyes this morning. The last thing I want is to get out of bed and look at myself in the mirror. Especially after what happened yesterday… The day before. As long as I’m blindly giving away $55.00. Effing new glasses!

I would pay anything to have you back, my prince. But God’s Favorite Princess… slightly less. If Cherry ever agreed to show me her Yabbos… But I respect her… Anyway…

Yesterday, Braxton, I was busy trying to be scary. Maybe even a Karen. The excitement all started when I got a message about the new frames for my glasses. My first pair broke, which hurt because they were the last you saw me in. Then I got the brown ones in memory of you… somewhat. Yesterday, MyEyeDr broke those. And so I was in their office, yelling about getting a complimentary frame. I don’t like being angry or an ass. But they pushed me B.

Only everything was not awesome yesterday, and I was excited when it was all over.

Speaking of all over, I’m glad I didn’t… all over my sheets. I know. Eww! But that was more of a financial decision than one of testicular fortitude. I’m all for God’s Favorite Princess @Luxlo, but she isn’t your stepmom. M Anime? I haven’t heard from her in a bit.

And again, if it were Cherry… But I’m not thinking of her. More like I can’t get excited over her as Virgil is now lying at the foot of the bed. Excited, expecting, entertained, ha! All Virgil knows is when I return, or he steps into the room, life is… something. You were excited because your life is/was good with me in it. Maybe V or someone will feel that.

Me? B Excited Someday Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 246 ~Braxton’s Trust In V…~

WillLeave a comment

In God We Trust. No! But money talks to “God’s Favorite Princess”. Would I talk to her if I had a wife and kids? I got Braxton and Virgil, who have $66.50 each. Me? $39.00 for covered Yabbos. How did B live with my finances? Braxton’s Trust In V

Tuesday, March 4, 2025

Meditation 246 ~Braxton’s Trust In V…~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And I’ll love you even more in 5, 4, 3, 2… Time to love. Price?

Love can’t tell time. Love comes with no price tag. One day, it’s standing on my bed covered in syrupy goodness, showing me that the additional sausages aren’t real meat…

One of my best memories of Braxton. “Shoulda took a picture, Something I could keep. Buy a little frame, something cheap.” And no, I’m not crying as I remember, love.

Honestly, you wouldn’t mind. If it wasn’t for the love of my firstborn son… My trust in him. Honestly, it’s only something in my eye. I’ve told you the reasons I call Braxton pancake. One of them was after B ate my waffles. So I put my pancakes up high so Braxton couldn’t reach them. My mom said, “You sure love pancakes.” Then there’s you.

When I say, “I love you like pancakes.” Trust me, my love that is LOVE. Because I didn’t think I could love anything or anyone like I loved my son. You, our children, and Virgil.

Don’t I count Virgil Vivi as my son? I would share my pancakes with him if I wasn’t spending money like it’s going out of style. And what is that line from The Walking Dead?

Something to the tune of, When I was pouring the Bisquick, I was trying to make pancakes, ha-ha. And we made some good pancakes, or can I just call them the kids, like Braxton and Virgil. Only our two-legged children have trust funds. Daddy’s spending…

No matter how much money we have, I want more.

Because while “Lovin’ is what I got.” Loving you, our kids… yes, Virgil too. Braxton… Always and forever, I will remember you, I tell him with every beat of my heart. I swear, my love, even when I can’t get the words out. Quiet love is quite a love. Because…

Somehow, someday, the Man in the Mirror might think that a tiny bit of This Love, This Year’s Love, applies to him. That’s why I go back and forth between how loud… And how quiet love can be. And then it’s those in-between times… When Virgil Vivi is sound asleep.

When I need to watch God’s Favorite Princess @luxlo. Or when I finally breathe, dearest. To be here now… in love. Braxton’s Trust In V…

1493 Days Without B III, Day 934 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 244 ~Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Something went awry forty years ago when my Ma made her biggest life mistake. Quite awry four years ago when I watched my firstborn die. And this morning’s plans. Reading about harems, posting sexy cosplay, my writing… Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil

Sunday, March 2, 2025

Meditation 244 ~Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Do you have a plan? STAY ALIVE! For Braxton, for Virgil. And there are dragons to slay.

Or rather, “Never feel sorry for raising dragon slayers in a time when there are actual dragons.” That sounds like something you might tell two-legged daughters. But instead, you have four-legged sons. Well, B flies amongst the clouds. And V is still finding his paws.

How did we get here? Had I known how to save a life, things would be different, better, or anything other than this, but let’s talk about the worst plan I ever made. And yours.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
Robert Burns, To a Mouse

Four years ago, Braxton became ill. And after a difficult week at the Day Job, on Friday, January 29, 2021, I took Braxton to the doctor and got the news. On that Sunday, B died.

What did I do? Nothing! Compared to Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 9 ―
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This was my plan for the week and your plan for next week, DUH. So if I might give you some advice… First, you know the definition of insanity. It’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, so THEY say. So what will you do?

There’s a method to the madness… For example, if you had twelve disciples… He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. You would have six women and five men, and Braxton would make twelve. But there are seven days, and you tend to run things more like a harem. Four women: Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo, the Ladies Sophia, and Lunalesca.

There’s Braxton’s speaking. You speak, then talk to yourself. Too busy for Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Sunset: An Unconventional Romance
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Don’t you wish? While you have no plans in the Bible, it says, “Your old men will dream dreams.” Well, you’re older than me now by about nine hours. So what was your dream, hmm? Or should I still say my dream since it happened last night? Talk about violence:

Anyway, last night I was in Squid Game, and the game had me jumping from planet to planet and floating to What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. I imagine I lost the game because next, I’m in the Day Job breakroom being shot by The Frontman in the back. But I survived because I was wearing a bulletproof vest. Still, I was put in one of the crematoria ovens, but I wasn’t burned. Instead, I was dropped into a dark room where a firefight was being waged. A possible escape attempt was going on? I’m still in the green uniform. Then I’m given a gun, and I start fighting. There’s a building across from us, and I spot a sniper because of a green sight on the weapon. I dodge, but five more appear on my body, and I have no idea how to avoid them. And that’s where the dream ended. Oh my!

Don’t let your only plan be to do nothing. Like dinner? $200 refund? And there’s Virgil. Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil.

1491 Days Without B III, Day 932 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 241 ~Virgil’s Scared To B…~

WillLeave a comment

Last week, I told my son about being Safe and Sound. This week, I’m scared more now than ever. What about his little brother? He’s scared of his shadow… And of me… What have I done? Nothing. When there’s so much that scares you. Virgil’s Scared To B.

Thursday, February 27, 2025

Meditation 241 ~Virgil’s Scared To B…~

1488 Days Without B III, Day 929 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I didn’t get paid today, so I’m scared. But I’m alive, mathematically inclined, and more.

I am and will always be your father. But if I can only remember how, as I was telling the Man In The Mirror today, Sunday, February 23, 2025, after the 15th, things were meant to be getting better. For who, me? To think I was so scared for myself like I knew terror B.

I didn’t know FEAR until the veterinarian told me you were dying and there was nothing that could be done. And for two days… maybe… Friday afternoon, Saturday to Sunday.

“Stuff is getting better; stuff is getting better every day.”

That’s right out of the 1997 film The Postman. There was so much to be afraid of. I was scared of losing you. That God wasn’t listening. There could be a miracle I couldn’t afford.

And now I’m crying again…

It beats hiding in the bathroom or beating… something… Eww! Braxton, I watched you play with your toys all the time. And I asked you not to do that in front of your Aunt. Ha!

Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll lose the good memories of you. Or only the darkest echo.

B III, I need those memories more than ever. Anticipatory Grief, they call it. Right?

More like Anticipatory Screams waiting for the next horrible thing to happen to me, B.

Today, who knows? Sitting here at the Dining Room table, a part of the fence outside could fall. I read about Joy Reid getting effed by MSNBC. I’m contemplating something that happened in October 2024. Thanks, Norton, for making me remember what FEAR tastes like!

And what about Virgil? If B is for bravery, then V is for very scared. I swear I’ve never seen such a scared fur buddy. When you looked at me, I was the hero of the horror movie, and you trusted me to save you. I’m crying a lot today, Braxton. Seriously, I’ll quit it.

But with Virgil, at best, I’m a corpse, the walking dead, a ghost. Depression is a sickness, Braxton. But FEAR is worse. And in saying that, Virgil could see me as a villain. Why not?

What do I fear the most? There was losing you? Everyone, seeing the monster I am. And then there’s ignorance. To know I should be afraid, but what? Living, dying? Myself? Virgil’s Scared To B…

“I’d rather be afraid!” ― Casey from The Faculty (1998)

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 239 ~Lawn Night B, V~

WillLeave a comment

So one day, I’ll say the Neighbors Know My Name, and my wife will issue an apology. Ha-Ha! Or V will be having too much fun outside. Or my kids will come running before the street lights come on. Or I’ll become handier fixing things. Lawn Night B, V.

Tuesday, February 25, 2025

Meditation 239 ~Lawn Night B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Always and forever. But no, I’m not that old yet; confusing lawn and long, love.

It’s just my kids are out there. Our kids? But I will always love my lost little Braxton. And Virgil’s here… Nothing will spirit him away in the night. Am I old enough to tell kids to get off my lawn yet? With our billions, I intend to have security. I promised Braxton a yard so big a long time ago, my dear baby doll.

Virgil will someday guard it. If he’s anything like my firstborn son. He’ll be by my side as our two-legged progeny head out on first dates, to proms, and graduations. They will always have a home to return to everywhere they go. Sometimes, I forget about words like home. It means I want to be a better man, my love. After B and V… ha

I may not be the funniest or the handiest, but I am here for you in every way I can be my sweet baby doll.

This is why I’m standing out in the yard at 10 PM waiting for the repair guy, and I’m mad as Hell. I can think of other ways to spend our nights… If you catch my drift. Don’t worry; I’m getting to that. But allow me to be scared for the moment. I was afraid all of last week, and this one isn’t looking any better. It’s like going out drinking, clubbing, or some other nonsense. And I’ve had some bad nights, my love. And I survived. But why? I’m scared because I want to provide the best for us, and sometimes, I’m unsure if I’m doing enough. I try…

To create the Garden of Eden for you? You married me, so there isn’t much an apple can do. And as far as a serpent… I’m writing about mine or reading about Robyn with Grayson’s.

Agatha, Tasha, Julia, Fiona, Chrissy, Willow etc. Grayson has quite the harem in Satan’s Sorority Girls. I was reading #9. And speaking of what I’m reading, there is a book by Tillie Cole called Sick F*X. If I weren’t waiting for someone not worth our cash, I’d love to take you to the song “Dusk Till Dawn.” One of my favorite scenes of Tillie Cole’s…

Exhibitionism? Or relatively the risk of it. We could cuddle together on the beach, love. Right now? I would rather be in bed with you listening to The Quiet Storm now that I’m a grown man and know what that music means. All to wake up with you and listen to apocalyptic oldies. But tonight’s long. Lawn Night B, V

1486 Days Without B III, Day 927 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 237 ~Bury B, Belly V~

WillLeave a comment

I’m full of IT. But what IT is changes daily. This morning, IT was the spirit of FEAR. And while I am not a religious person, I remember singing God has not given us the spirit of fear. But my Little God died with an empty belly. Bury B, Belly V

Sunday, February 23, 2025

Meditation 237 ~Bury B, Belly V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Open your eyes. Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is strength. Deceiving, Dangerous, and disgusting words. So what’s worse?

You… You’re sorry to start the new week off so harshly. But with the way last week went, and here you are today. THEY say when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Right?

But not you. No! You look to what you have already survived, and upon seeing this, you float along. But it doesn’t stop your stomach from dropping. The horror, the horror, my friend. And there are much better books than “Heart of Darkness.” Are you going to compare Joseph Conrad to Eric Vall? Really!? For the last few days, it’s been all FEAR. Too Much!

It feels like you jinxed yourself. Starting on the 15th, things were supposed to get better. Somehow, someway. But looking at these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Season of Giving Harem University Book 4, Dirk Knight
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Doesn’t it make you sick? You’re sick, but not because of these things. It’s the more you know. And last week, that consisted of three things. Comedy comes in threes, so THEY say. And none of those had you rushing off to the bathroom. And today’s energy shot isn’t helping things. But what did you know? You’re wasting the week. Why? Because you’re alive, and B is gone. You’re not blaming him. Your son stopped eating. And you… Well, you can’t keep anything good down. Food in your belly, 2-V off the bed, etc., etc.

Only the bad things… The monster in your pants, dirty words in search bars. Keywords.

The dead rising isn’t good. Especially when you don’t look a thing like Jesus. Could he accomplish Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 9 ―
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I think he had greater concerns than yours. But what if he had a dog? Jesus had twelve dudes and a Naughty Girl. Are you listening to Beyoncé? Anything beats the beeps and boops, your bare feet hitting the floor, or busting on Cherry’s Yabbos. And M Anime got the outfit you sent her Yesterday. And now it’s The Beatles. What is wrong with you?

You’re not you when you’re hungry. But what about when you’re scared like you are. Fear comes in flavors, and none of them are good. And I understand I ain’t helping. I’d tell you to eat something, drink your water, and down a painkiller. Still, you wonder why… Braxton, Virgil, you? Bury B, Belly V

1484 Days Without B III, Day 925 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 234 ~We’ll B Safe, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton left me Safe and Sound… somewhat. My son saw me through the first Trump Presidency. And by the looks of things Virgil may become my “Dogmeat” leading me through the wasteland/commonwealth. But first, today. We’ll B Safe, Virgil

Thursday, February 20, 2025

Meditation 234 ~We’ll B Safe, Virgil~

1481 Days Without B III, Day 922 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What about a Lovely Day where Everything Is Awesome, without any Dumb Ways to Die?

Old age… Getting older wasn’t SAFE, Braxton. I wish I had told you that before.

“Immortality, take it, it’s yours!”

Immortal, that’s what you are. Well, according to me. It’s what you were supposed to be, Baby B. Did you even understand what was happening when your time came, Braxton?

All you wanted me to do was stop crying, which I am now. Because of you and what today’s about. What, am I giving life lessons now? Don’t people have visions and dreams? Dreams… When they’re hungry? I’m fasting, but not on purpose, so I must go out today. Sigh.

Before it’s not SAFE… There it is, Braxton. I don’t feel SAFE. I haven’t felt SAFE for the longest time, but yesterday pointed it out to me. The effing Wi-Fi!

What about the effing floor, sink, back porch, phone, bank account… Don’t Stop Me Now. Maybe if I go crazy, I’ll gain the courage to do something about it; that ain’t safe. I wouldn’t be joining you then if I went to Hell. For all I know, you’ve usurped Cerberus.

You protected me, Braxton. You kept me safe. And what about your little brother Virgil?

Again, the fact that he’s here means I’m still breathing; I’m Alive. Virgil is a miracle, I know, Braxton. Didn’t you ask me to acknowledge him? And yet, that’s one more reason I’m losing myself to the music today. Your music. Braxton’s Infinite Playlist. Awesome!

Because the world isn’t awesome, I don’t feel safe anymore. Rockwell said Somebody’s Watching Me. It’s like you’re still here, Braxton, watching over me. Right?

How many musical references is that? Eight? It’s confusing, Braxton. I don’t want to hear the phone alerting me to losing more money. Or that the battery’s dying. Wi-Fi… I don’t want to listen to the house crumbling all around me. Your home… Virgil’s running.

At the same time, I want the silence of sleep. The way my breath catches when I’m doing things, I hope you’re not watching from… Wherever you are. If I have food and water, I’m not talking to myself. But the truth is B, I don’t feel in charge. And V doesn’t feel SAFE. And he’s a reflection of me. If only I had a SAFE filled with cash… If only I wrote a book.
Finished? We’ll B Safe, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 232 ~Rooms B Through V~

WillLeave a comment

My biggest fear… Nope! I lost my son. But I fear drowning, too. With so many tears and how much rage? And with desires raining like humiliations galore. Uh, working? But fear. At least the house’s not flooding… Again. Rooms B Through V

Tuesday, February 18, 2025

Meditation 232 ~Rooms B Through V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And if only that love were as easy as saying, “Braxton, Virgil, and others, Bedtime!”

D.L. Hughley once warned that the kids would walk in on us. You realize that. It was something to that effect. And did I think of our two-legged children before Braxton or Virgil? If only you knew how I protected B III and 2-V. But today, “What About Us,” love.

No, that’s not the song I heard you singing around 2 AM this morning. And I won’t attribute this to my son. My love, this is all you. It was Lykke Li’s “I Follow Rivers.”

The song has been stuck in my head all morning, and I’m trying to figure out where I heard it. Besides your lovely voice, it was also in an episode of Glee I watched before.

But you? In my head?

“‘Tis you floating around my head, my Godqueen.”
― Clarence, The Book of Clarence (2024)

Do you consider that a miracle? Now, if you could only listen, hear, and understand. Dreams have meanings. I’m always saying that to M Anime. So what about that song? For a few days now, I have been cried out over Braxton. To go from his birthday on the 13th to a “Lovely Day” on the 14th. Joy and pain are like sunshine and rain. Right? It’s going from the day I first found love to honoring our passion for each other, my baby doll.

However, the problem remains that my heart is still broken. Again, there’s the song “I Follow Rivers.” You follow my tears, sweat, and blood down.

Down, down, down, into places you should not see. Do those places include where the Bisquick comes from and gave us our other kids? How many bedrooms do we have?

And I’ve said I’m more of a man for a Study rather than a Man Cave. But there’s also the Library, The Red Room or Black. There is the room, a temple to honor my Braxton. I wasn’t kidding when I said I would build that. And V may one day join him. 920 days.

Only the meaning of my dream. It is that the tears, desires, sweat, and toil you experience follow me. Overflowing. And I am like the ocean. You’re filling me up, blowing me up with your love. Rooms B Through V.

1479 Days Without B III, Day 920 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So why am I randy, passionate, hot, and bothered today… Well, a woman I like isn’t mad at me. Some dirtier thoughts got posted. And today is “The Cherry Collison.” Why think about “her” yabbos. I overthink everything else. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

Sunday, February 16, 2025

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And this is the age of Doublethink. So, how come I was not more of a rebel?

Because I overthink. As will you. As will all. See, it’s already started. But as always, we begin with Braxton. Have you figured out what took him from you yet? Seriously, my boy… My man. Technically, the Braxton mourning period is from the last week of January to the 13th of February. And between now and the third week of January 2026. If you live.

And even now, you don’t want that. But since you need to figure out why 2-V was crying… Um… I kicked him out because he wouldn’t stay put, and the storm was scaring him. And if he had been Braxton. Here we go again… AHEM. “And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.” Or how to do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Quickies! by Adriena Temple, 50 Flash Fiction Stories of Pure…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Overthinking should be on the list. Why? Because it’s causing you to write down questions you already know the answers to. This isn’t any of your Math classes looking for X. It’s about recognizing when you’re overthinking and stopping yourself from going down that path.

Anyway, why should overthinking be on the list? Yesterday? Yeah, I was all messed up regarding M Anime. But what did she say? She needed to catch five hours of sleep. Eff!!! If anything, you know all about getting some sleep. But to rest ever. I tried, you tried, SIGH.

Not when there are so many yabbos, your yogurt slinger, and your words, your words, your words, they have power. Your words have the power to change things. One of the guys on X/Twitter showed your ngl message about… nevermind.

Worry about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Season of Giving Harem University Book 4, Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Amongst other things… Terrible thing to live in fear, as Stephen King put it. Living?

Honestly, next to Braxton dying, you having to live is the worst. Ask Virgil someday.

Virgil is only a reflection of you? Hell! I’m a reflection of you and don’t know what to tell you. More like I don’t know how not to lie to you. Because again, I overthought everything, and now you have a whole week to. That’s right, you’re not working. ANY?

Honestly! What have you been doing since we’ve been having this conversation? At best, waiting for your tax refund… On a Sunday… And that’s only one more worry. Get up. That’s right. Cleaning, cooking, the cost of living, and your Cock-a-Doodle-Doo. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

1477 Days Without B III, Day 918 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 227 ~Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs~

WillLeave a comment

What hurts the most, E-Day or B’s Birthday? I’m too old. And the odds that Braxton could make it to twenty… But it was my plan. And how did I spend the day? B’s future stepmom may be my Valentine. Speaking of hearts… “Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs”

Thursday, February 13, 2025

Meditation 227 ~Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs~

1474 Days Without B III, Day 915 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? For a second, I figured I was gonna have (takes a breath) a Lovely Day.

After all, it is your birthday. Happy Birthday, Braxton Barks Bradford, B III, my son. Twenty is a big number, my beloved son. Should I say that I prefer fifteen? That’s how old you were when you left. But I was twenty when I met you, B. Then there’s money. The money needed for your heart condition. But in the end, it was your kidneys. Must we talk about this now? The fact that I didn’t buy your traditional birthday lunch. And with everything I’m going to spend between today and tomorrow. The fifteenth Braxton…

Will I stop crying over you? It’s been four years. And speaking of crying, I need to talk to your aunt. She has her tears. There’s Cherry and M Anime…

Cherry has a set of lungs on her, amongst other things… Seriously, Braxton, I should have gotten you one of those vests to be my emotional support pet. Would they let you in a gentlemen’s club then? You like women’s assets as much as I do. But what about Virgil?

That boy sure can howl. I don’t think he and I were crying about the same thing, though. I cry because you left. And if you had made it to twenty… I would have stuffed your belly with all-you-can-eat. I remember you had a bottomless stomach until your aunt made a cake. It was that good to you. I’d never seen you happier… Sadder. A decent memory. What about me? Selfish as always, but Braxton…

I did ask M Anime to be my Valentine. I get another chance at that. Do you remember how last year went down…? In flames. And again, how about the previous four years, B III.

You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration. I hear you, Braxton; save it for M Anime. Today and tomorrow, I’ll be lucky if I hear anything at all with Virgil’s barking. Don’t forget why I was so rushed to get back today. I forgot all about our annual birthday pic. I need to get on that, but I was busy getting on Reika Kurashiki. I’m scum.

Braxton, did somebody call me? A part of me, anyway. Heart, mind, and soul are my gifts to you. Happy Birthday. Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad