Tag: Lonely

Journey 164 ~Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred~

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A coincidence today is day “1776” since my son Braxton got his ‘freedom’ from the mortal coil, and this might be the first time I mentioned ICE… I had a bad day. One day, I’ll tell you my story about Cho Hyun-ju. But Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred.

Friday, December 12, 2025

Journey 164 ~Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… When I should be reading the dictionary. Synonyms? I did text with ‘dictionary girl’ aka Cherry.

And reading her text has been about the only reading I’ve done this morning, Sophia.

Only I should be reading “Snowed In With Grumpy” by Olivia Noble. Kindle streak ok?

Or how about “Death By Sitting” by Carolyne H. Thompson? It could be propaganda or pose as the truth. Algorithms and AI are scary. But besides reading about my boys.

Braxton and Virgil are so small compared to the elephant in the room. My Humiliation?

Ok, long story short… The Termite Guy visited the other day, and on the scale of Humiliations Galore? Three out of Five. Last year was a Five-star humiliation, as the guy pointed out everything wrong. The year before the guy stole ‘was given’ a lost bow under the house. I didn’t yell or spread Fuckery!

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

That’s right, my lady, I said FUCKERY! You know how I feel about cursing; it’s crass. It does have a place, usually involving me on top of a “Pretty Woman.” Or I’ll “Regulate” and lay them bustas down. And waking up in the morning and asking myself why? Sophia, if you told me right now that I could lie down and wake up with Braxton…

The Rainbow Bridge? Virgil won’t see that for many years. Plus, I’m going to Hell! Honestly, my lady, I’m beginning to understand MAGA and the Cracker Hats. “Can’t nobody tell me nothing.” And I would rather die than treat anyone fairly, B III to 2-V.

Humiliation and STUPIDITY hurt that damn much. And they always show up. I swear, Sophia.

Yesterday, I read about a manager who wanted applicants to work a shift for free and got mad when someone said no. FDT slavery is over. United States History, right?

Humiliations Galore. Dreams are delayed, deferred, denied, or even dead.

Here are three for you since the Termite Guy wasn’t enough. I went to the food truck last night and got ignored for at least ten minutes. The guys speak Spanish. I was ready to call ICE. Whoa, that was low! Next, I had to talk to my Old Man, which will always and forever be humiliating. Today, I got yelled at on Whiteout Survival. No big deal, uh huh.

Meanwhile, what about Braxton’s book? I’m broke, and Virgil’s burdens. Beware, Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred.

1776 Days Without B III, Day 1217 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 163 ~To B Bugged Virgil~

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Would you call it courageous that I choose to stay here with Virgil and face the termite guy’s judgment rather than waste money at the movies, or let my father handle it? Is it crazy to think he’d bug the house? Hasn’t he ha-ha? “To B Bugged Virgil.”

Thursday, December 11, 2025

Journey 163 ~To B Bugged Virgil~

1775 Days Without B III, Day 1216 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The best part of my day, as it stands, I heard from your Favorite Girl.

It’s always nice to know that someone is wondering whether you’re dead or alive, B.

Honestly, that’s a short list: you, your Favorite Girl, and Virgil eventually… He doesn’t sit on my head as you did. But I still could barely breathe this morning. I know you don’t like me saying that. But I did feel sick this morning. And death’s right up there with my dollars and my d*ck. I know Braxton, Eww! You should see the videos of women calling their men Daddy in front of their kids. I’ve been watching far too many, if you ask me.

I woke up around one in the morning, having accomplished nothing. And now it’s ten-thirty and… Well, I’m sure you know what has me buggin’.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Effing Termite guy will be here around one this afternoon, your grandpa said. Or four. “It Doesn’t Matter.” I don’t have “The Rock’s” money or even Wyclef Jean’s. I’m effed.

And that is one of the things that bugs me the most, B III. I know I’m effed. Hell, me and 2-V are effed, and there is nothing I can do about it. Paranoia, Anxiety, and Humiliation are feasting on my brain. Did I really just say that? Mind, body, and soul B III. Heart…

I’m not MAGA! FDT! I’m not even a Planeteer… Captain Planet? Before your time, B.

Only I know I still have somewhat of a heart because I still care about SOME people and your puppy little brother. Virgil’s five ha-ha.

But today I might not make it past forty-one… (Cue Ben-Hur galley drums). What, you thought I had forgotten just because I’ve been on a Stephen King kick these days?

Honestly, every day feels like “The Long Walk,” and I am “The Running Man,” however.

Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere… ’cause there’s no one like you left
Carol Malone… Body Snatchers (1993)

That’s right, this is you and Virgil’s home, my son. And I’m sorry I have failed you all over again. The backyard fence has two holes. The shed door is chewed to Hell. Don’t ask me about under the house. The floor you once ran on is a mess: the baseboards, paint job, everything. But the wanna be Orkin man, my Old Man, and others feel like the invaders, an infestation. M Anime wouldn’t live here. To B Bugged Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 161 ~Braxton The Gifted, Virgil~

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My sons are gifts, but B is gone. My girl… excuse me, my woman. M Anime was a gift, but she’ll be getting married in January… And as for myself, at present… Well, I feel more depressed than like a rocket scientist. But, “Braxton The Gifted, Virgil”

Tuesday, December 9, 2025

Journey 161 ~Braxton The Gifted, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than Christmastime, ha! “Ooh, sugar pie, honey bunch. You know that I love you.”

‘Tis the season? What, you can love, get laid, and even lament on Christmas. Closer?

Honestly, “I Can’t Help Myself.” What, thinking about gifts for you, our two-legged children, and of course, there’s always Virgil and Braxton. I owe Braxton at least fifteen gifts—five birthdays, Christmases, and homecoming or Gotcha Day. I don’t remember when he hopped into the car, but I’ll never forget Sunday, January 31, 2021. Hell, maybe Gotcha Day could be May 1st. I’m sure I met B sometime in April. And how did I get on this when I’m supposed to be talking about the present? Well, my Christmas presents. Anyway, I THINK I want a breastplate like Maximus from “Gladiator.” But with a picture of both Braxton and Virgil.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

And as I walked with Virgil this afternoon, I thought that I want a “monitor belt” or a watch from The Long Walk to measure my walking speed. More like my running speed since I’m “The Running Man,” and all. And that leads me to a question. Safe and sound.

When’s the last time I got something silly? Something salty, saucy, and spicy? In other words, delicious. Oh, I go to the food truck once a week. And stories, either in salacious words or on the big screen. And if it doesn’t suck, what about sexy? Well, I have you.

Somehow, someway, I got you. But I’m a selfish, STUPID, SOB… sorry, Ma. I want… Everything! “The World, Chico, And Everything In It.” That’s me.

And yet I call my firstborn, my B, gifted. He treated every day as a gift. He had all the gifts. And to him, I was the greatest gift of all. Do I give myself too much credit, my love?

Two points make a line. Three points make a pattern. Braxton loved/loves me. And I convinced you to do the same. Well, that was more of a choice… Um, Sunday, August 24, 2025. And what about V and our two-legged children? I’m Daddy, always, forever.

But you know what would be a present, what would make me a good person, what would complete a pattern? If I loved myself. “What I Go To School For?” Busted, because I failed. But Braxton? Braxton The Gifted, Virgil1773 Days Without B III, Day 1214 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 158 ~To B Powerful, Virgil~

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Am I confusing POWER with FREEDOM? Despite how it looks, I don’t have much of them. The lights are on, I can get up if I want, and 2-V is breathing. He’s five. Talk to me when he’s B III’s age. Fifteen. And at my age, To Be Powerful, Virgil

Saturday, December 6, 2025

Journey 158 ~To B Powerful, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And if MAGA has taught me anything, it’s that money is POWER. Old white rich guy…

Also, a criminal, con man, who has no business being around children. FDT every day.

Hell, if God… whoever you hold that to be, let me switch places with Johnny Sins. I’ve really been into a particular Asian mom lately… But anyway, I still wouldn’t call it even with God. Because neither it nor I had the POWER to save my B. My Braxton, Lunalesca.

“That is strength, boy! That is power! What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste.”
Conan the Barbarian (1982)

“I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.”
Veronica Roth ― Divergent (2014)

And that is what brings me to you today? Not the two titans that are my boys, Braxton and Virgil? What about some Asian mom’s tits… Eww! I’m feeling particularly raunchy today, or am I just being a perv? A MILF, Alex Chen, Mai Shiranui, Misty Olszewski, and whoever else tickles my peach. Beats sitting in bed all day. POWER.

“I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

The power to walk from the bedroom to the den, Lady Lunalesca. Pathetic. Isn’t it? Lunalesca, if you want me to define it… Record scratch… Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation… Lying in bed playing Whiteout Survival at all hours. Drooling over some woman’s yabbos. Or crying “Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone.” Braxton, Virgil, or both. I’m not picky. As long as I’m not alone, Lunalesca. As long as someone is telling me what to do, making MAGA happy.

Lunalesca, “A MAN chooses, a SLAVE obeys.” Popular, Lunalesca… I want to be Powerful. But where does the power lie? How much time do you have? Isn’t it Ironic, Lu?

Again, two titans, tits/yabbos, time…

I could go into many other things, but it’s those three, like something Jigsaw concocted.

“Live or Die, Make your choice.” Or “Get busy living or get busy dying.” I continue “The Long Walk” with Virgil, or I’m “The Running Man,” looking to find my way to B III. And I have no POWER over that. And M Anime? “Stand by Me,” or more to the point, Lunalesca. Ruben sings “Lay By Me.” That’s the thing, everyone else has POWER.

Seriously, everyone else has the time in their minds. And you remember why I didn’t want to do Amazon. I don’t want to steal time, be STUPID with it, or be SCARED all of the time. Powerful, not to be afraid. To B Powerful, Virgil

1770 Days Without B III, Day 1211 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 157 ~Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story~

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I got up too late to read this morning. Liar! I read warnings on “Whiteout Survival,” and how little I helped. I should read how to get help for me, my mutt (good boy) V, and how much money it will cost. Writing Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story

Friday, December 5, 2025

Journey 157 ~Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Why, when reviews get way more views? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed…

I was DEAD to the world. Not even Genie is granting that wish. But anyway, Virgil was able to creep up beside me. And he didn’t even bother me for his morning walk, my lady.

He’s still waiting for me to turn the page. And I’m still waiting for someone to buy the book. Braxton’s book. Not that I’m bitching, begging, or bellyaching. Please understand.

Every day, I’m scared. And why amn’t I with MAGA and the effing Cracker Hats?

Honestly, I only hate my writing, worth, and whatever I choose to spend time on.

However, what does that mean for Virgil and Braxton, too? Raising my sons is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. And it “Hurts Like Hell” that “Nobody Knows” it, Sophia…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But me? Because the song lyrics aren’t helping either. And I want to say, unlike MAGA, Sophia, I do seek knowledge. Yeah, reading such knowledgeable titles as “Snowed in with Grumpy.” No offense to Olivia Noble. But remind me, Lady Sophia, I do need to read today. Last night I was far too busy writing to my son and some fans. Did I say that?

Seriously, with a world filled with liars, nobody bothers to read the truth. Because again… It Hurts Like Hell unless you put it to a nice beat, for example, FDT! I don’t have that Soph.

A beat, book, or the B-word… Please, 99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one. I mean my B III, my Braxton. There are no words.

“A man might be thought wealthy if someone were to draw the story of his deeds, that they may be remembered.”
Buliwyf, The 13th Warrior

Virgil feels the same way. “When Will My Life Begin?” Virgil only sings when I leave the house. And now his Dad is sitting here thinking about Rapunzel naked. Her and Mai Shiranui. I second Queen Ramonda when she said, “I think that one day, artificial intelligence is going to kill us all.” Or as Kanye West put it, “No one man should have all that power.” With a word, Sophia, anyone can augment reality to their choosing, my dear.

I should picture people buying books. How about Virgil inheriting Braxton’s dream? But what do I choose to do? Anything but write books and turn the page on my existence.

The best books… are those that tell you what you know already.
1984, George Orwell

I don’t want to see what happens. Except for two words… Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story

1769 Days Without B III, Day 1210 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 156 ~Braxton Is Off, Virgil~

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And we’re off… Any minute now… Getting off is the same as ever, but I’m wasting more time. Crying for B but making sure V’s ok. I go from magic glasses and college coeds to Christmas erotica. And then there’s the food truck. “Braxton Is Off, Virgil.”

Thursday, December 4, 2025

Journey 156 ~Braxton Is Off, Virgil~

1768 Days Without B III, Day 1209 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Braxton, I only lied to you when I was feeling some kind of way.

So, how am I feeling today? Well, I’m not Beau Williams, so I can’t say I’m “Feeling So Good Today?” Especially since I thought I had today off. I can’t afford to miss any more days. And I did have to talk to the GM today. Not like that! She asked about you, B III.

You’re not small talk, Braxton. But again, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t addicted to the misery. Grief, mourning… I get off on it. Not like that! How to function without it?

Honestly, that is what I’ve been thinking about all day, while not staying “home,” Braxton.

You’re not ready for “that” conversation, I wanted to tell the boss lady. But seriously…

I’d be off for real…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Well no! Because you know what I mean when I say I want to get off… I don’t mean get off my lap because I’m reading something not meant for you. “Snowed in with Grumpy.”

A woman and her cocoa-covered yabbos. I know B, Eww! Again, stories not for you.

Honestly, I remember when “We Were Young,” and you crept up and tried to steal my cocoa, and you burned yourself. You were off and running. Speaking of being off, I remember that after I would wake up from any given workday, I’d read, and that’s when you would go to sleep. Virgil is the same way… Kinda. He’s been off since he got here.

1209 days and he still doesn’t know what to do.

1768 days and I still don’t know what to do. All I know is that I was standing there in the middle of the Day Job, “The Bad Place,” you would snort. And I was wishing I was off, B. And I do mean off. The worst part of going to sleep isn’t the fact that I can’t rest. It’s the fact that every single day I wake up, I wish I didn’t. At best, it’s “The Long Walk” with Virgil, though I’m trying to make that more of a” Stand By Me” situation. But for weeks it’s been “The Running Man.” And why are my stalkers women? Boobs, Bosses, not babbling with M Anime. Missing her and you, B. Only, Braxton Is Off, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 154 ~Love B Later, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The things we forget about during the day. Good Night, Good Luck? More like goodbye to the penniless author… I checked. The horny dude? This morning eww! No, I am “The Walking Dead,” and I say goodbye and R.I.P. to me, but… Love B Later, Virgil.

Tuesday, December 2, 2025

Journey 154 ~Love B Later, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love you. I’ll see you later. But do I ever say goodbye? I’m Irish…

As in an Irish Goodbye. I only say goodbye to one person. You’re looking at him. A “crazy” thought, right? What about a sad one… Or two. I remember saying goodbye to Braxton on his literal deathbed. And I don’t remember saying it at all on Sunday, August 24, 2025. Only Alanah Rae in My Wife’s Hot Friend Vol. 12 Big Boob Edition. My love.

You know me. I’m the effing Sherlock Holmes of Adult Films. And I’m feeling… Gross.

Always in the mood for you, my beloved, but icky. Stress Release? Whatever for love?

Are we getting married again? Are you pregnant? V is “Safe and Sound,” thanks, Taylor.

My love, this is my third business week and possibly my last. Last week was…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Excruciating, emasculating, and freaking effed. Do you remember our wedding day, my love? Ok, you have lots of reasons to be mad at me, but please hear me out. I’ll never be a Christian man, but I do subscribe to that Bible verse, “Love is patient, love is kind,” etc.

Love is not STUPID, honestly, that my love is one of my greatest fears. Being STUPID. Because STUPIDITY kills, it’s what triggers my anxiety. And I love you and our family. I tell Virgil later because one day I may love him, not like Braxton, but with no less love.

“It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.”
The Merovingian, The Matrix Revolutions

“My will is stronger than my heart. Do you think I put so high a price on my feelings? They’ll pass. My will holds me to my course through life,”
Queen Guinevere, First Knight (1995)

Ahh! I understand how Guinevere felt about King Arthur in comparison to Lancelot in First Knight. I don’t love my work, but I say, “later.”

Or I don’t say anything at all. If you can’t say something nice and all that… But who do I say goodbye to? Me. And the thought that came over me today… Besides myself, eww!

Anyway, I thought about the times you had to do it. Again, like Lancelot asking Guinevere to forget who she was. When you covered your face with a veil, you were one woman, and when it was removed, you were my woman, my wife. You can be a monster… and I’m your “Savage,” thank you, Whethan. You’re strong, sexy, smart, and oh so sinful, lover.

However, with that, it takes only the thought of tomorrow, and I say goodbye to myself. Why? I’m Afraid! Always, Forever. Love B Later, Virgil.

1766 Days Without B III, Day 1207 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 151 ~Spell WORRY, B, V~

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“Analyze this, analyze this, analyze this…” I’m not Madonna, and I’m not good at spelling either. I have spell-check flag me for “analyze” daily. More so if I go into the Day Job on Wednesday and find out I effed up this week, hmm. Spell WORRY, B, V.

Saturday, November 29, 2025

Journey 151 ~Spell WORRY, B, V~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… I ain’t ashamed to say that with that amount of money I’d host some death games.

“The Long Walk,” “The Running Man…” and, Hell, just being alive like in Stand By Me seem like challenges. And if you’ve kept up, I’ve dragged Braxton and Virgil along.

Only not to my Momma’s house yesterday. Braxton wouldn’t have been welcomed. And Virgil was asked about. But why make him worry about my nephews? I’m too busy worrying about my Olds. Have I grown a heart? No, Braxton broke that when he left, Lu.

And M Anime made sure to grind on the pieces with her work boots after she, too, left me. Lunalesca. What about a spine? Did you hear me babbling, quibbling, and confessing to my boss on Wednesday? Spineless! This leads me to this coming Wednesday. Same sh*t, different day? Maybe…

“I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

If I still have sh*t, a boss, a Day Job. “Let That Hammer Fall.” Not for The Neville Brothers, but for my sons, my Braxton and Virgil. Still, I was too much of a coward to face Amazon for them. And what would I do for myself? I traded a Panic Attack for “Anxiety,” Luna.

And I expect that it will soon be replaced by Depression. And with that, even more worry, Lunalesca. Because what else am I qualified to do? I’m the whipping boy at the Day Job and make-believe I’m a writer. And I say often enough that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. But that takes a woman. And again, M Anime’s gone. And I wish I were being hunted, Lunalesca. Harem?

Augmented Reality? Artificial Intelligence. There are so many things I should be worried about, Lunalesca. And I wish I could go back to when it was as simple as a spelling test that I knew I was going to fail. I wish I could tell you that I was worried about the backyard fence that fell. Geez! Do you remember when that was the biggest thing, Lunalesca? The coming Winter? Without a Day Job, the cold never bothered me anyway.

I won’t be feeling much of it as long as my Olds are paying for their forty-one-year-old bum of a son. Do they worry? I worry? If only worry and happiness could switch places, Lu. Now ask me to spell, “OK.” Spell WORRY, B, V

1763 Days Without B III, Day 1204 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

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As the song goes, “Death Is Not The End.” I’m not a religious person. And I’m dumber than most. But I still talk to my firstborn son every week. And I have enough trauma from the Day Job that I’ll never forget that place. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

Friday, November 28, 2025

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Not a review? I’ve caught up a little on my reading. Day Job? That comes later.

But the FEAR is here. And what do I compare it to? Isn’t it Ironic, it feels like B… dying?

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Braxton, my son, is not a coward. That would be his scaredy-cat, skeevy, and STUPID father. Did I mention STUPID? Again, we’ll get to that Lady Sophia. But when did Braxton’s story end? Was it covered in syrup as he dug into “my” French Toast? Was it wrapped around my sister’s bedpost? How about when I told him to get in the car? His choice. Was it standing in front of me, teeth bared at his grandpa, ready to fight and die for me? Was it walking to his water bowl, trying to prove he was okay? Crawling into my lap? Looking into my eyes…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I swear I haven’t cried after losing M Anime three months ago. And the Day Job has me scared to death. But it takes Braxton to bring on the tears. His One Shining Moment, hmm.

But he only died once? Virgil and I… I named him after Virgil, of course, the man who guided Dante. Vivi was a black mage from Final Fantasy IX with a short lifespan. And Virgil’s already as white as a ghost… And he and I wake up thinking, why would we wake up? Effing dumb! It’s “Christmas Time in Hell.” Please don’t remind me. Tears?

Honestly, how will I pick out the Christmas Erotica I want to read? Didn’t I eff that tradition when MAGA took office? You remember Sophia:

  1. Brave New World
  2. 1984
  3. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  4. It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis
  5. WE by Yevgeny Zamyatin

A lot of good it did me. STUPID as I am, I didn’t understand my Ma asking me to come and pick up Virgil, and my Thanksgiving dinner. Yesterday, Thanksgiving was catered by the food truck up the street. And of course, all the stores were closed. And Black Friday!

I’m not walking into any store today. And I’m trying to understand the words “Unexcused Absence Exception” since I didn’t go into the Day Job this morning. But I did get all dolled up, and why? Broke, Fired, and Unemployed are words I know, Sophia.

Or do I? Panic Attack, Anxiety, how about love? Would I have done it for Braxton? What did Meatloaf sing:

That’s The End. Fatherhood. Manhood. Braxton. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

“And I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that
I won’t do that.”
Song by Meat Loaf ‧ 1993

1762 Days Without B III, Day 1203 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 149 ~Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club~

WillLeave a comment

Last week, I came up with four options. But even with calling in, Humiliations Galore. And I didn’t have a heart attack… I did have a Panic Attack. A little one. Speaking of which, now B III and 2-V have seen me like that. Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club.

Thursday, November 27, 2025

Journey 149 ~Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club~

1761 Days Without B III, Day 1202 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Food Day? Happy Turkey Day. Let’s hope grandma shows up with food…

Are you hungry, or is it just me? And no, that isn’t one of the H’s today, my little Braxton.

No, today I was thinking, in no particular order, Have, Heal, Help, and Heaven. And for that I needed a cult… Your Dad had to look up the 4-H club this morning, and what about yesterday? Whatever did I do yesterday? Well, if anything, your little brother V was happy.

There’s another H-word. We don’t do HAPPY in this household. But what about the 26th?

Okay. Do you remember me talking to Inspector Echo about flipping a coin? Heads, I go to the Day Job; tails, I stay with Virgil… Heads. Heads, I stay the whole day, or tails, I tell the ASM to her face, I can’t work. Heads. So you know what your Dad did, don’t you, B?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Coward that I am, I called in. And then what?

Not that son. I didn’t HAVE a good day. I didn’t HEAL. I might have HELPED the neighbor screw me over about the broken fence. Braxton, I dreamed of HEAVEN.

“I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. If I were to imagine Heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And he would be waiting for me there.”
― Cloud Atlas

Seriously, Braxton, is that where you are? Anytime I think about what lies across the Rainbow Bridge, I imagine food at the head, one of the sides, and the foot of the bed. And you’re waiting for me on that empty side, and I crawl up beside you. That’s heavenly.

Maybe it’s “Heavily” that I ask “pardon, goddess of the night.” Too much Shakespeare, huh, Braxton? My idea of Heaven.

Well, besides listening to Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon sing. I swear, Braxton, why do you have me thinking about Much Ado About Nothing” all of a sudden? B III.

Maybe you’re telling me to “Sigh No More?” We’ll see if I survive this week. I don’t know B, I just don’t know. And you know what’s effed up? When you “passed,” I didn’t take time off the Day Job. I didn’t miss a day. Hell! I waited till the end of that week to take you to the vet on that Friday. By Sunday… Anyway, I’m worried about Friday. And should I still have the Day Job on Wednesday? If I have it, if I help, not heal, or go to Heaven. Always a “Possibility.” Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad