Tag: Past

Journey 058 ~Virgil’s Good Sense B~

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If I had any sense at all, I would admit “All These Things That I’ve Done” to B’s Grandpa. To think I told him about M Anime. But his son is still a loser. And speaking of kids, sadly, it won’t be with M Anime. If only I had “Virgil’s Good Sense, B.”

Thursday, August 28, 2025

Journey 058 ~Virgil’s Good Sense B~

1670 Days Without B III, Day 1111 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today is Monday, August 25, 2025, so you know how my day was. Humiliations Galore?

Around this time last week son, I was so worried about your potential… Nope, Braxton!

M Anime won’t be your stepmom. Do you remember when you and I had to have “The Talk?” You liked your Favorite Girl a little too much. I got two words for ya, “Red Rocket.”

Eww! Must your Dad be so gross today? At the moment your Daddy is out of tears, the toxins are still flowing, and toting your little brother Virgil around daily. But I don’t want to talk about why I’m still sitting at the Dining Room table. But three days, Braxton.

Honestly, I’m glad E-Day is still a ways off. But I’d also rather be with you. I know B III. Dangerous words, but there’s more.

It’s why I haven’t talked to M Anime yet. Hell! By the time you read this who knows. If you were here, I don’t think she would have gotten this far. You hated everybody, B.

Again, you had your Favorite Girl, your aunt, your grandma and even your grandpa. Uh.

Back to M Anime. Let’s pretend B that we’re sitting in bed and I’m finally explaining to you how my day was. How I wish we could go back to those days Braxton. Good days.

Anyway, “What do I tell you M Anime? The woman I was falling in love with woke up this morning to tell me it’s over. And why? Because she wants to have a family. Kids?”

Braxton, you didn’t have siblings.

Ahem… Virgil. I mean siblings, while you were bound to the mortal coil, Braxton. SIGH.

It didn’t make sense. You and I had each other, and that was enough. But for M, my B III. Why didn’t she say it? I get the sense that she’s lying. I’ve looked at myself in a mirror, B.

And there’s also all the cents that I’m missing in my bank account. But for M Anime. I think you would have liked her. I still do. If only I had you and Virgil’s good sense. You didn’t give your heart easily, and Virgil keeps his mouth shut. But me? I’ll never touch her, taste her, hear as she… Or smell her roses. And seeing her. Virgil’s Good Sense B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 057 ~Will’s Humiliation-wise B, V~

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Ali said, “Don’t count the days, make the days count.” But when “Every Day Is Exactly the Same?” My boy is still gone. E-Day is coming soon. And M Anime won’t be. Not for me anyway. Acceptance, age, “Just Another” girl? “Will’s Humiliation-wise B, V”

Wednesday, August 27, 2025

Journey 057 ~Will’s Humiliation-wise B, V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But I have also protected my sons, Braxton and Virgil. Well, love didn’t save Braxton. But humiliation-wise… Um?

That’s why we’re speaking today, my dear Echo. Monday, August 25, 2025, to be precise.

I’m sure the Day Job will have its “Humiliations Galore.” And Braxton is still ‘entombed.’ Forgive me, Echo, I’ve been watching a lot of reactions on The Mummy and The Mummy Returns while trying and failing to protect Braxton and Virgil’s yard. So, The Hom-Dai?

What else would my Old Man do to me after he sees what has become of this place? And even if I am entirely innocent, it’s the guilt. I don’t look forward to facing judgment.

And that is why I keep thinking about the worst day of my existence. The day I lost my son. Yet I protect his baby brother. Well, Virgil’s four now.

And what about me? “Forty-One?” NOT YET! But Inspector Echo E-Day is coming. It is!

I haven’t thought much about it. I intended to give you the complete history, Inspector…

But then M Anime on Sunday, August 24, 2025, said “I’m Thinking of Ending Things.” Please! She said it was over, and she’s marrying another man. I’m serious, Inspector Echo.

But we’re supposed to be talking about the second-worst day of existence. You, keeping score?

  1. The Day Braxton Died
  2. When I Was Born
  3. M Anime Leaving Me

I have no qualms about saying I wish I had never been born. If you ask me how I feel. These past few days, I’ve been Ben-Hur, Galley Slave Forty-One. Though MAGA prefers other slaves.

Anything to not talk about her, right? M Anime. I swear, the month of August, and Sundays in general, are no damn good. I effing started this blog because of some girl in August, and I don’t remember her name. But M Anime, Inspector, honestly?

Children? The more I think about it, the more I think she is lying. I’m not the best communicator, but last week, Journey 050, I said, “The idea that I could get her pregnant.” Uh…

She MIGHT have been the one, Inspector. The day she and I meet? Wedding Day? Meeting our first child. Instead, I get the third-worst day. And I’ll have to answer her. My boys needn’t worry. “I’ll Cover You,” I’ll tell them. Will’s Humiliation-wise B, V

1669 Days Without B III, Day 1110 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 054 ~E-Day, B III Virgil~

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I hate Sundays again. I don’t believe in God. But where did my B go? How’d I find an angel? Why am I fighting so hard to save the house? B’s on the Rainbow Bridge. I couldn’t build a Heaven for M Anime. Even the BUGS said Damn! “E-Day, B III Virgil.”

Sunday, August 24, 2025

Journey 054 ~E-Day, B III Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… You’ve looked way better, man. “What Do You Wanna Talk About?” E-Day, Happy Death Day, and TODAY!

We should start with B and V’s potential stepmom M Anime. Oh, she’s not anymore.

Effing hell you say! That’s the one thing I have over you today. I had her but we’ll get there. You have to start with the second worse day of your existence. Today’s pretty bad!

But what is E-Day? Some want to know. Um, artificial intelligence anyway but you know.

E-Day stands for Emergence Day. Following your ‘Rule of Three’ There is Emergence, Existence, and Extinction. There is also a newer ‘fourth’ for Evolution/Evolve, too.

Emergence Day much like BLM (Braxton’s Life Matters) was taken from pop culture. In this case the Gears Of War franchise to represent your Emergence from Hell. So yeah your birthday. Failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 19: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You’ll be failing them next week and then your successor will fail the next. Emergence?

It’s so close. And for the record, the worse day of existence will forever be, the day that Braxton died. And how many times must we go over that? Eff I’m beginning to believe even the BUGS are laying off the wall today. Give a broken hearted man some leeway.

Let’s continue talking about that man. Let’s talk about you. You could be “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” You don’t believe in God but the FACT that Braxton went to Heaven, that your body count is a dozen tops, and that you haven’t downed an acetaminophen bottle.

“If there’s a God up there
Somethin’ above
God, shine your light down here
Shine on the love
Love of the loveless”
Eels – 2003

Between Braxton’s Favorite Girl and Virgil needing a father. A Dad failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pledged To Him 5: An Unconventional Romance – Neil Bimbeau
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

That brings us to the third worse moment of existence, beating out getting the Day Job and the day you and Braxton fought your Old Man. That was love, Brotherhood.

However, M Anime… No longer the stepmom, the ‘sexy thing’ the would be your S*ut.

Harsh? You’d say all out of love but if you want to talk about harsh. “You wake up and suddenly you’re in love,” only for that woman not only to say it’s over but she’s getting married to someone else and why? She wants children. You! The man that treats Braxton and Virgil as such. Who screamed Fatherhood is the epitome of Manhood. Buying that?

Look at yourself. Your Ma ripped you out (C-Section). Emergence Day. E-Day, B III Virgil

“Your black, you’re poor, you’re ugly, you’re a (man), you’re nothing at all!”
The Color Purple

“Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one. That’s good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength.”
Ben-Hur (1959)

1666 Days Without B III, Day 1107 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 053 ~Don’t B Broke V~

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Today is not one to break routine. I read about naughty sorority girls. I got dressed. Sprayed and prayed the backyard. Took Virgil walking. Kept the creepy crawlers off him. Read about MAGA breaking the law. And what can I do? “Don’t B Broke V”

Saturday, August 23, 2025

Journey 053 ~Don’t B Broke V~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And if only Virgil had pants, I could carry more. Problems? Broken house, BUGS, bank account.

But not today, Lady Lu. No bellyaching today. Unless Maisie Williams, aka Arya Stark, k?

“What do we say to the God of Death? ”Not today.”
― Game Of Thrones

And with her, that’s on another level of bellyaching, if you get my meaning. Eww!

Lunalesca, sigh. The WWE’s Cody Rhodes would ask, “What do you want to talk about?”

Being broken? But in a good way? Because when you’re broken, all you can think about is how to fix it. And that’s what led me to a bit of a Revelation today. I read a sample of the book I wrote for Braxton yesterday, “My Turn To B III,” And you know these words:

“If life is a game, love is your instructions.”
― My Turn To B III

Money would fix every problem, but I have Virgil. Love!

“Fear is the heart of love. So I never went back.”
Death Cab for Cutie

“Fear doesn’t shut you down, it wakes you up.”
Divergent

“Believe in yourself, and create your own destiny. Don’t fear failure.”
Broken Promise (Dreams), Toonami

Yesterday was a bad day, Lady Lunalesca. My FEARS, GUILT, and SADNESS. It’s like that brick wall from The Women of Brewster Place. For the record, my lady, we must remember films and things like that. In particular, Black History and what’s right and wrong. Because for damn sure the MAGA, the Cracker Hat effers want to erase a people.

Anyway, I had to crack open the door and go outside. I had to break through whatever there was to go shopping. I feel like vomiting even now, but I break myself open. I eat.

Ain’t got no money and I still bought three new HaremLit books. Backyard Dungeon 20 by Logan Jacobs. Pledged To Him 5 by Neil Bimbeau and Michael Dalton’s Bikini Magic.

And speaking of breaking something open, there’s Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom M Anime. I know, I know, Lady Lunalesca. ‘The critic’ um Artificial Intelligence. It said I offer zero resolution. I show no happiness. And stop talking about Yabbos.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers. You see, Lunalesca, saying all that made me crack a smile.

And now I have to break through today. I have to break through many days until I make it to E-Day. And if I had to make a wish for that. I met Braxton’s Favorite Girl on one E-Day. I wish I could break into M Anime this one. But money. Don’t B Broke V.

1665 Days Without B III, Day 1106 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 051 ~Press B For Virgil~

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Words. I don’t know if Braxton ever understood a word I was saying. Virgil is scared of what I might say. I didn’t confuse him with B again, did I? And the woman I care for the most… next to my Ma. Hell! What do I say? “Press B For Virgil.”

Thursday, August 21, 2025

Journey 051 ~Press B For Virgil~

1663 Days Without B III, Day 1104 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day… All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied. Honestly?

I want to dance to “Simple Kind of Man” at my wedding. A Mother and Son dance with me and your grandma. And if I can satisfy you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime… Well, you can guess who the bride will be. Do I care for her, Braxton? Always.

Like I said to you all the time, “You and me always, and forever.” A song from Lynyrd Skynyrd and now The Wannadies. What’s wrong? Your Dad’s communication skills, Ha!

I haven’t communicated to the Carpenter Ant population that there kind ain’t welcome here. I swear I’m sounding like such a MAGA Cracker Hat. But I’ve only killed one today.

Ants Braxton, not people Ha-Ha.

And the day is still young. I could finally convince Virgil that he’s welcome here. He’s been here since Saturday, August 13, 2022. But he shakes, rattles, and rolls. Like father, like son. Does he ever talk to you when he’s all by his lonesome? How did I do this?

Braxton, how did I learn to speak your language? You had your four rules, and you lived by them for nearly sixteen years. And here I have the rest of my life. Or Existence, Braxton.

Bless you for reminding my son. I had to request time off for E-Day. Effing E-Day! The only good thing that ever happened on E-Day is meeting your Favorite Girl. I wish I could meet my Favorite Girl on E-Day.

You and Braxton’s stepmom, M Anime. That’s where my communication skills failed me, B. You weren’t the best at that either. Your Favorite Girl thought you wanted to eat her.

I wouldn’t mind eating your stepmom. I know B. Eww! You don’t want to hear that. But again, I’m not the best at communicating. You wanted to go home, and I sent you home. Your passing will always beat E-Day. Anyway, today your stepmom was sad, thinking I wanted her to go away, break up, end our friendship. With all the people in this world…

Braxton, I want her to be my always and forever. Dammit, I want to fill her up and name one of those two-leggeds after you. I want to tell her everything. Even more than you.

Really? Press B For Virgil

“Those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.” Jaxx, Play’d (2002)

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 050 ~Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When I would look into Braxton’s eyes, I saw the coolest guy ever. When I look into Virgil’s eyes, I see disappointment. It doesn’t help that he has Braxton’s color fur around them. And when I see myself? “Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil.”

Wednesday, August 20, 2025

Journey 050 ~Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… So why do I call out to my boys like this is Smallville? Somebody “Save Me!” “Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi, Inspector.

Because I’m not cool enough for The Simpsons. Are they still cool? How would I know working my 8-6 schedule in the Dining Room? For FREE! Sold any books, Inspector…

Only I’m not that guy. But I’m not blind either. I’m not making a wage. How much am I writing? And this damn back wall that I keep watching and worrying about. Oh my woman? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, is getting back to me, Inspector. Honestly, with everything we say to one another. So, Inspector, my message:

“I feel angry, I feel helpless
Want to change the world, yeah
I feel violent, I feel alone
Don’t try and change my mind, no”
One
Song by Creed (1997)

“Say what you need to say,” in my own words. While I still have eyes to see and hands to type. Both of them are burning. Chemicals, crying, and crumbling walls. It is a WAR.

And by the end of it, I’ll end up as an early Geordi La Forge. What? The Federation doesn’t require money, so I’ll be good. Not if my Old Man wrings my neck like Homer does Bart all of the time. Or not. I remember reading somewhere Homer had to stop doing that to Bart. My father is holds no inclinations. When he sees all that has happened, Dear Echo.

That’s why I feel like Alpha 5 from Power Rangers. Inspector “Back In The Day.”

“Back in the days when I was young I’m not a kid anymore.
But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.”
Back In The Day, Ahmad

Seriously, have you seen the calendar? M Anime was just telling me about her birthday.

E-Day is coming up so fast. Emergence Day. For me or the effing BUGS. Emergence, Existence, Extinction, and Evolution. FEAR is blinding me to everything.

Yet here I am despite everything. Honestly, I would rather give up because of “All the Small Things.” I’m not talking about my boys’ potential stepmom. Yes, those are yabbos.

But it’s more her words, Inspector, the small things that mean even, well, “Vis-a-vis, love.”
The idea that I could get her pregnant. If the house is still standing, that is, Inspector. She wants to plant seeds in more ways than one. And here I am poisoning B’s yard, myself.

Virgil is safe and sound. No little creepy crawlers. But he sees his papa panicking.

Problems surround us, and I can’t pay to fix anything. But I plug plenty of words into an AI, creating a world I’d rather see sometimes. Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil.

1662 Days Without B III, Day 1103 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 047 ~Virgil’s Hints To Braxton~

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Nothing’s changed. It was a Sunday when B died. M Anime says the song “Sunday Morning” makes her think of me. I’m testing my phone. I sent M Anime a video of baby chicks. I’m still testing bug poisons. No end in sight. Virgil’s Hints To Braxton.

Sunday, August 17, 2025

Journey 047 ~Virgil’s Hints To Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Wow! Can you be any more direct? “Soy Un Perdedor?” M Anime wouldn’t appreciate you thinking that.

Who? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. She thinks of you as her dear friend, a hell of a lover, and a good father, when you decide to Close Your Eyes And Wander as Ernie Halter sings. Though she’s more for getting her Kim Petras on. “Treat Me Like A S*ut”

Do you remember the last time Braxton was so direct? Saturday, August 13, 2022, right.

You were standing in PetSmart. A white Chihuahua mix with black spots went potty. Honestly.

Three furry black spots to be exact. Two patches of Braxton’s fur coloring around his eyes. It was like hearing the voice of Braxton himself. “I can’t make this anymore black and white, Daddy.” Thus, “Archie” became Virgil, watching you fail these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 18: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, I failed because this is the beginning of your week, and you’ve already failed.

Seriously, where are you today? You’re sitting at the Dining Room table, staring outside at the chewed-up shed, rushing to kill Carpenter Ants. Only two so far. Waking up? Breathing?

The fact that you have to tell yourself to keep breathing. Pretty awful sign, Fearing.

“Terrible thing to live in FEAR. Brooks Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won’t have to be afraid all the time.”
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Morgan Freeman may have said some things you disagree with, but he got this right on the money. Which is one more thing you should be direct about. You ain’t got no money, friend. Have you checked on Braxton’s book “My Turn To B III”? You look directly at that like people turn directly to Jesus, and where does that get you? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 19: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Goose Egg. Or like in Love of the Loveless, “Looking for and finding, Nothing.” Yet you believe. So did Sheriff Holston in “The Wool.” You continue “The Long Walk.” What is it with you and stories today? You were reading Backyard Dungeon 19. More HaremLit.

Actually, suppose anything is going to wear your eyes out. In that case, it will be staring out the back door, waiting, effing manifesting more problems. Speaking of manifesting, backdoors, and problems, there’s M Anime. How direct you were with her this morning. Why was that, hmm? Because you’re horny? Between crying, sweating, staring at M Anime’s yabbos, and the ending result. Don’t forget being covered in pesticides. Amazingly, this morning you aren’t headed directly to Braxton. Fears a sickness. But, Virgil’s Hints To Braxton.

1659 Days Without B III, Day 1100 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 046 ~Morning Moans B, V~

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I’m an Old Man. But that’s not why I’m moaning. “You Give Good Love” plays in the background, and my boys’ stepmom is in bed, but that’s not it either. I’m crying over Braxton? No. My Old Man kicked my ass? Not yet. No money? Soon. Morning Moans B, V

Saturday, August 16, 2025

Journey 046 ~Morning Moans B, V~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Eww! But I intend to be grosser today. And just because I plan doesn’t mean anything.

I do want to vomit. When I picked up BBQ the day that Braxton died. When I was picking a mess load of ticks of Virgil. When the floor was flooded, my Old Man had to have the whole thing ripped up. Looking at my bank account after the grocery store on Friday. I swear!

The Carpenter Ant invasion is just one more thing making me sick. Jinxing myself, Luna?

I’ll try not to. What if I went to the Tractor Supply and bought more poisons? I did shoot a video for Braxton and Virgil’s Potential Stepmom, M Anime. I’m a man of my word.

But in memory of my son, to have a future with M Anime. I’m sitting here moaning because of BUGS!

“We are going in with first wave. Means more bugs for us to kill. You smash the entire area. You kill anything that has more than two legs.”
Starship Troopers

Well, only when I look up from the keyboard. Shouldn’t I imagine you sitting across from me? You and I, my dear Lady Lunalesca, are enjoying our cappuccino as a “Troy” reaction video plays in the background. I miss the background, Luna. FEAR takes notice.

As Chad Kroeger sings, “I’m so high, I can hear Heaven.” But I’m no “Hero” Lunalesca.

Today, I swear I heard Braxton bawling that I, too, would bawl having to leave the bed and worry about… What I’m doing right now. Keep one eye on the sky, rather the wall.

“What do we do when we are awake?
Keep two eyes on the sky.
What do we do when we sleep?
Keep one eye on the sky.
What do we do when we see them?
Dig hard, dig deep, go for shelter, and never look back.”
Reign of Fire (2002)

The vociferous Virgil (that’s funny) is upstairs quaking in fear of the times I jump.

“Quarter (an ant)! Town council gives me a quarter (an ant). I’m going to be rich.”
― Disturbing Behavior (1998)

Lunalesca, I can’t help it. One more reason I ain’t a MAGA Cracker Hat. WAR!

War does not pay, or as a great man sang, “War, huh (good God, y’all). What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.” I’d tell you I’m a lover, not a fighter, Lunalesca. But that’s lying.

Besides being a father who loves his sons, can I be a man who loves his woman? I do try.

Hell! Do you remember when I was busy moaning over Cherry’s Yabbos? I still would. And now I have seen M Anime’s in all their glory. One more reason I’m late this morning, Lady Lunalesca. I was doing my best Clarence Carter impression, “I be strokin’.” And if somehow I survive this War and Emergence Day, Virgil will be outside wondering why his stepmom moans. Eww! Morning Moans B, V

1658 Days Without B III, Day 1099 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 044 ~Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope~

WillLeave a comment

When was my last truly peaceful sleep? Any afternoon when B sat at the corner of the bed, keeping my fears at bay. V tries. My last piece of… Um, my last woman. It was before B’s Favorite Girl got married. Such a time. Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope.

Thursday, August 14, 2025

Journey 044 ~Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope~

1656 Days Without B III, Day 1097 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, these days, feels like The Long Walk. That’s an appropriate book for you.

I wish I could have read it to you, Braxton. But have I even cried for you today, my friend?

I’m not sure. Let’s say I was leaking a different kind of fluid. First off, Eww! Secondly, no, I didn’t… Not really. You had your Favorite Girl with your Aunt. I have mine with you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. She was feeling pretty naughty when I got up.

I know, I know, B. Can I stop talking about Daddy things, and especially Aunts or ants, for real? My eyes are like a pair of aching feet. Say what now? Up and down from the buttons I press to the wall outside, looking for those buggy bastards to strike again. I swear B III.

“Just make this go away.”
“Just one more peaceful day.”
It’s Been Awhile by Staind

“Don’t look down
Don’t feast your eyes on the things that are on the ground
And if it gets hard to focus
When you’re driving almost at the speed of sound
Feeling nowhere bound
Remember what I told you, and don’t you dare look down.”
― David Ryan Harris (2003)

All I want, Braxton, all I need besides you, M Anime’s yabbos, or Coldplay’s Yellow.

“Your skin, oh yeah, your skin, and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so”
Yellow by Coldplay

Seriously, so I’m supposed to be Neo now? “The One.” Don’t forget, that was your name for a couple of days. You were my little Neo, well, my sister’s before you decided to jump onto the bed and dig into a plate of Waffles. Or was it French Toast? And then you became Little Pancake. I must be hungry. That bag of Cheetos from the Day Job has me ill.

“Deus Ex Machina: What do you want?
Neo: Peace.”
― From The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Honestly, your little brother pulls the same move. When I’m eating, he cuddles up with me with hope. “He’s My Son,” as Mark Schultz puts it. But that’s like comparing my sister and me to our Old Man. The Favorite.

I bet her house isn’t crumbling into pieces. And she’s not sitting somewhere watching for Carpenter Ants. Jeezu, am I right! No, I’m scared, I’m terrified. And I can hear you, Little B, Be Not So Fearful. Unfortunately, terrible nights lead to effing mornings breathing.

“Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me fly.
Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me shine”
― Jeymes Samuel

“Woke Up This Morning,” but I didn’t go all Tony Soprano. Again, I was staring at everybody else’s Yabbos, and then your stepmom sent some pictures sans her clothes and:

“So now, what should I do?
I’m strung out, addicted to you.
My body aches, now that you’re gone
My supply fell through.”
Akira Yamaoka

Pieces of the old me, Braxton. But I never liked who I was. Virgil and M Anime do try B.

But you were the wall, and I fell. I failed you. And now you’re my road of The Long Walk. I go, I crumble, wanting this. Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope.

“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me, and I walk alone.”
― Green Day

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 043 ~B’s Sense Wins Virgil~

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The only real doctors I see annually are my Eye Doc and V’s vet, formerly B’s. And I see on this day, Saturday, August 13, 2022, I became a father to my secondborn. Virgil Vivi Bradford (Archie) aka 2-V. Yet nothing makes sense. B’s Sense Wins Virgil

Wednesday, August 13, 2025

Journey 043 ~B’s Sense Wins Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I got Virgil. Adopted, Rescued, Saved. That’s not a sin, though. No, the sin is I’m stuck here.

Inspector, I have so many sins. I “published” Braxton’s book “My Turn To B III.” X/Twitter has been reminding me more than Amazon. And that’s not reason enough for me to stay. To honor my firstborn son? It took an effing Carpenter Ant Invasion, Echo.

How many days have I been sitting at the Dining Room table losing this conflict?

Inspector, M Anime’s Birthday is coming up, and I have no money to get her anything. “I Got Nothing But Love For You Baby” The Carpenter Ant War, Inspector. Eff Me! And Eff MAGA and FDT! When was the last time I had a decent paycheck? Run to father? Eff!

Inspector, I’m a Dad, and today is Virgil’s Gotcha Day. So what did he get?

A dead man. We are The Walking Dead. And if Virgil wasn’t here? Touch, sight, taste, and sound. “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Inspector, considering my age, “it all was bullshi*t.”

You have FEAR to thank for that, Inspector. Do you remember what Four told Tris:

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.”
Divergent

Exactly Inspector. It’s what I wanted to explain to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, a few days ago. I’m up all night because besides her impressive Yabbos. FEAR.

I’m exhausted. I smell the chemicals in the air of all the poisons I’ve been using in the battles. Virgil could use a bath. I can spot an effing ant from yards away or a cracking foundation. I’m washing my hands. Can’t taste my food because of my stomach. Silence

How do I explain that to M Anime? B was telling me today, Monday, August 11, 2025, how I’m going mad. Duh! I believe my dead fur buddy is talking to me beyond the grave.

“And even though you passed. Going on four long years. Still waking up late at night, crying tears.” I shouldn’t be singing R. Kelly, but it’s true, Inspector. Terrified, Mourning.

M Anime can ask the simplest thing: How are you? How was your day? And I told her I could lie. Say I’m fine. That’s what men do, right? Because saying I’m Afraid today and tomorrow makes no sense. But being with her makes sense. Being with Braxton did. Being good to Virgil does. Loving myself? B’s Sense Wins Virgil.

“Inside of me
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
I’m only a man lookin’ for a dream
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hoo, hoo, hoo
It’s not easy to be me.”
Five For Fighting

1655 Days Without B III, Day 1096 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will