Tag: Death

Journey 051 ~Press B For Virgil~

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Words. I don’t know if Braxton ever understood a word I was saying. Virgil is scared of what I might say. I didn’t confuse him with B again, did I? And the woman I care for the most… next to my Ma. Hell! What do I say? “Press B For Virgil.”

Thursday, August 21, 2025

Journey 051 ~Press B For Virgil~

1663 Days Without B III, Day 1104 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day… All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied. Honestly?

I want to dance to “Simple Kind of Man” at my wedding. A Mother and Son dance with me and your grandma. And if I can satisfy you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime… Well, you can guess who the bride will be. Do I care for her, Braxton? Always.

Like I said to you all the time, “You and me always, and forever.” A song from Lynyrd Skynyrd and now The Wannadies. What’s wrong? Your Dad’s communication skills, Ha!

I haven’t communicated to the Carpenter Ant population that there kind ain’t welcome here. I swear I’m sounding like such a MAGA Cracker Hat. But I’ve only killed one today.

Ants Braxton, not people Ha-Ha.

And the day is still young. I could finally convince Virgil that he’s welcome here. He’s been here since Saturday, August 13, 2022. But he shakes, rattles, and rolls. Like father, like son. Does he ever talk to you when he’s all by his lonesome? How did I do this?

Braxton, how did I learn to speak your language? You had your four rules, and you lived by them for nearly sixteen years. And here I have the rest of my life. Or Existence, Braxton.

Bless you for reminding my son. I had to request time off for E-Day. Effing E-Day! The only good thing that ever happened on E-Day is meeting your Favorite Girl. I wish I could meet my Favorite Girl on E-Day.

You and Braxton’s stepmom, M Anime. That’s where my communication skills failed me, B. You weren’t the best at that either. Your Favorite Girl thought you wanted to eat her.

I wouldn’t mind eating your stepmom. I know B. Eww! You don’t want to hear that. But again, I’m not the best at communicating. You wanted to go home, and I sent you home. Your passing will always beat E-Day. Anyway, today your stepmom was sad, thinking I wanted her to go away, break up, end our friendship. With all the people in this world…

Braxton, I want her to be my always and forever. Dammit, I want to fill her up and name one of those two-leggeds after you. I want to tell her everything. Even more than you.

Really? Press B For Virgil

“Those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.” Jaxx, Play’d (2002)

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 050 ~Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil~

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When I would look into Braxton’s eyes, I saw the coolest guy ever. When I look into Virgil’s eyes, I see disappointment. It doesn’t help that he has Braxton’s color fur around them. And when I see myself? “Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil.”

Wednesday, August 20, 2025

Journey 050 ~Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… So why do I call out to my boys like this is Smallville? Somebody “Save Me!” “Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi, Inspector.

Because I’m not cool enough for The Simpsons. Are they still cool? How would I know working my 8-6 schedule in the Dining Room? For FREE! Sold any books, Inspector…

Only I’m not that guy. But I’m not blind either. I’m not making a wage. How much am I writing? And this damn back wall that I keep watching and worrying about. Oh my woman? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, is getting back to me, Inspector. Honestly, with everything we say to one another. So, Inspector, my message:

“I feel angry, I feel helpless
Want to change the world, yeah
I feel violent, I feel alone
Don’t try and change my mind, no”
One
Song by Creed (1997)

“Say what you need to say,” in my own words. While I still have eyes to see and hands to type. Both of them are burning. Chemicals, crying, and crumbling walls. It is a WAR.

And by the end of it, I’ll end up as an early Geordi La Forge. What? The Federation doesn’t require money, so I’ll be good. Not if my Old Man wrings my neck like Homer does Bart all of the time. Or not. I remember reading somewhere Homer had to stop doing that to Bart. My father is holds no inclinations. When he sees all that has happened, Dear Echo.

That’s why I feel like Alpha 5 from Power Rangers. Inspector “Back In The Day.”

“Back in the days when I was young I’m not a kid anymore.
But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.”
Back In The Day, Ahmad

Seriously, have you seen the calendar? M Anime was just telling me about her birthday.

E-Day is coming up so fast. Emergence Day. For me or the effing BUGS. Emergence, Existence, Extinction, and Evolution. FEAR is blinding me to everything.

Yet here I am despite everything. Honestly, I would rather give up because of “All the Small Things.” I’m not talking about my boys’ potential stepmom. Yes, those are yabbos.

But it’s more her words, Inspector, the small things that mean even, well, “Vis-a-vis, love.”
The idea that I could get her pregnant. If the house is still standing, that is, Inspector. She wants to plant seeds in more ways than one. And here I am poisoning B’s yard, myself.

Virgil is safe and sound. No little creepy crawlers. But he sees his papa panicking.

Problems surround us, and I can’t pay to fix anything. But I plug plenty of words into an AI, creating a world I’d rather see sometimes. Ay Caramba, Braxton, Virgil.

1662 Days Without B III, Day 1103 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 047 ~Virgil’s Hints To Braxton~

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Nothing’s changed. It was a Sunday when B died. M Anime says the song “Sunday Morning” makes her think of me. I’m testing my phone. I sent M Anime a video of baby chicks. I’m still testing bug poisons. No end in sight. Virgil’s Hints To Braxton.

Sunday, August 17, 2025

Journey 047 ~Virgil’s Hints To Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Wow! Can you be any more direct? “Soy Un Perdedor?” M Anime wouldn’t appreciate you thinking that.

Who? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. She thinks of you as her dear friend, a hell of a lover, and a good father, when you decide to Close Your Eyes And Wander as Ernie Halter sings. Though she’s more for getting her Kim Petras on. “Treat Me Like A S*ut”

Do you remember the last time Braxton was so direct? Saturday, August 13, 2022, right.

You were standing in PetSmart. A white Chihuahua mix with black spots went potty. Honestly.

Three furry black spots to be exact. Two patches of Braxton’s fur coloring around his eyes. It was like hearing the voice of Braxton himself. “I can’t make this anymore black and white, Daddy.” Thus, “Archie” became Virgil, watching you fail these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 18: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, I failed because this is the beginning of your week, and you’ve already failed.

Seriously, where are you today? You’re sitting at the Dining Room table, staring outside at the chewed-up shed, rushing to kill Carpenter Ants. Only two so far. Waking up? Breathing?

The fact that you have to tell yourself to keep breathing. Pretty awful sign, Fearing.

“Terrible thing to live in FEAR. Brooks Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won’t have to be afraid all the time.”
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Morgan Freeman may have said some things you disagree with, but he got this right on the money. Which is one more thing you should be direct about. You ain’t got no money, friend. Have you checked on Braxton’s book “My Turn To B III”? You look directly at that like people turn directly to Jesus, and where does that get you? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 19: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Goose Egg. Or like in Love of the Loveless, “Looking for and finding, Nothing.” Yet you believe. So did Sheriff Holston in “The Wool.” You continue “The Long Walk.” What is it with you and stories today? You were reading Backyard Dungeon 19. More HaremLit.

Actually, suppose anything is going to wear your eyes out. In that case, it will be staring out the back door, waiting, effing manifesting more problems. Speaking of manifesting, backdoors, and problems, there’s M Anime. How direct you were with her this morning. Why was that, hmm? Because you’re horny? Between crying, sweating, staring at M Anime’s yabbos, and the ending result. Don’t forget being covered in pesticides. Amazingly, this morning you aren’t headed directly to Braxton. Fears a sickness. But, Virgil’s Hints To Braxton.

1659 Days Without B III, Day 1100 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 046 ~Morning Moans B, V~

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I’m an Old Man. But that’s not why I’m moaning. “You Give Good Love” plays in the background, and my boys’ stepmom is in bed, but that’s not it either. I’m crying over Braxton? No. My Old Man kicked my ass? Not yet. No money? Soon. Morning Moans B, V

Saturday, August 16, 2025

Journey 046 ~Morning Moans B, V~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Eww! But I intend to be grosser today. And just because I plan doesn’t mean anything.

I do want to vomit. When I picked up BBQ the day that Braxton died. When I was picking a mess load of ticks of Virgil. When the floor was flooded, my Old Man had to have the whole thing ripped up. Looking at my bank account after the grocery store on Friday. I swear!

The Carpenter Ant invasion is just one more thing making me sick. Jinxing myself, Luna?

I’ll try not to. What if I went to the Tractor Supply and bought more poisons? I did shoot a video for Braxton and Virgil’s Potential Stepmom, M Anime. I’m a man of my word.

But in memory of my son, to have a future with M Anime. I’m sitting here moaning because of BUGS!

“We are going in with first wave. Means more bugs for us to kill. You smash the entire area. You kill anything that has more than two legs.”
Starship Troopers

Well, only when I look up from the keyboard. Shouldn’t I imagine you sitting across from me? You and I, my dear Lady Lunalesca, are enjoying our cappuccino as a “Troy” reaction video plays in the background. I miss the background, Luna. FEAR takes notice.

As Chad Kroeger sings, “I’m so high, I can hear Heaven.” But I’m no “Hero” Lunalesca.

Today, I swear I heard Braxton bawling that I, too, would bawl having to leave the bed and worry about… What I’m doing right now. Keep one eye on the sky, rather the wall.

“What do we do when we are awake?
Keep two eyes on the sky.
What do we do when we sleep?
Keep one eye on the sky.
What do we do when we see them?
Dig hard, dig deep, go for shelter, and never look back.”
Reign of Fire (2002)

The vociferous Virgil (that’s funny) is upstairs quaking in fear of the times I jump.

“Quarter (an ant)! Town council gives me a quarter (an ant). I’m going to be rich.”
― Disturbing Behavior (1998)

Lunalesca, I can’t help it. One more reason I ain’t a MAGA Cracker Hat. WAR!

War does not pay, or as a great man sang, “War, huh (good God, y’all). What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.” I’d tell you I’m a lover, not a fighter, Lunalesca. But that’s lying.

Besides being a father who loves his sons, can I be a man who loves his woman? I do try.

Hell! Do you remember when I was busy moaning over Cherry’s Yabbos? I still would. And now I have seen M Anime’s in all their glory. One more reason I’m late this morning, Lady Lunalesca. I was doing my best Clarence Carter impression, “I be strokin’.” And if somehow I survive this War and Emergence Day, Virgil will be outside wondering why his stepmom moans. Eww! Morning Moans B, V

1658 Days Without B III, Day 1099 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 044 ~Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope~

WillLeave a comment

When was my last truly peaceful sleep? Any afternoon when B sat at the corner of the bed, keeping my fears at bay. V tries. My last piece of… Um, my last woman. It was before B’s Favorite Girl got married. Such a time. Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope.

Thursday, August 14, 2025

Journey 044 ~Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope~

1656 Days Without B III, Day 1097 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, these days, feels like The Long Walk. That’s an appropriate book for you.

I wish I could have read it to you, Braxton. But have I even cried for you today, my friend?

I’m not sure. Let’s say I was leaking a different kind of fluid. First off, Eww! Secondly, no, I didn’t… Not really. You had your Favorite Girl with your Aunt. I have mine with you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. She was feeling pretty naughty when I got up.

I know, I know, B. Can I stop talking about Daddy things, and especially Aunts or ants, for real? My eyes are like a pair of aching feet. Say what now? Up and down from the buttons I press to the wall outside, looking for those buggy bastards to strike again. I swear B III.

“Just make this go away.”
“Just one more peaceful day.”
It’s Been Awhile by Staind

“Don’t look down
Don’t feast your eyes on the things that are on the ground
And if it gets hard to focus
When you’re driving almost at the speed of sound
Feeling nowhere bound
Remember what I told you, and don’t you dare look down.”
― David Ryan Harris (2003)

All I want, Braxton, all I need besides you, M Anime’s yabbos, or Coldplay’s Yellow.

“Your skin, oh yeah, your skin, and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so”
Yellow by Coldplay

Seriously, so I’m supposed to be Neo now? “The One.” Don’t forget, that was your name for a couple of days. You were my little Neo, well, my sister’s before you decided to jump onto the bed and dig into a plate of Waffles. Or was it French Toast? And then you became Little Pancake. I must be hungry. That bag of Cheetos from the Day Job has me ill.

“Deus Ex Machina: What do you want?
Neo: Peace.”
― From The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Honestly, your little brother pulls the same move. When I’m eating, he cuddles up with me with hope. “He’s My Son,” as Mark Schultz puts it. But that’s like comparing my sister and me to our Old Man. The Favorite.

I bet her house isn’t crumbling into pieces. And she’s not sitting somewhere watching for Carpenter Ants. Jeezu, am I right! No, I’m scared, I’m terrified. And I can hear you, Little B, Be Not So Fearful. Unfortunately, terrible nights lead to effing mornings breathing.

“Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me fly.
Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me shine”
― Jeymes Samuel

“Woke Up This Morning,” but I didn’t go all Tony Soprano. Again, I was staring at everybody else’s Yabbos, and then your stepmom sent some pictures sans her clothes and:

“So now, what should I do?
I’m strung out, addicted to you.
My body aches, now that you’re gone
My supply fell through.”
Akira Yamaoka

Pieces of the old me, Braxton. But I never liked who I was. Virgil and M Anime do try B.

But you were the wall, and I fell. I failed you. And now you’re my road of The Long Walk. I go, I crumble, wanting this. Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope.

“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me, and I walk alone.”
― Green Day

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 043 ~B’s Sense Wins Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The only real doctors I see annually are my Eye Doc and V’s vet, formerly B’s. And I see on this day, Saturday, August 13, 2022, I became a father to my secondborn. Virgil Vivi Bradford (Archie) aka 2-V. Yet nothing makes sense. B’s Sense Wins Virgil

Wednesday, August 13, 2025

Journey 043 ~B’s Sense Wins Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I got Virgil. Adopted, Rescued, Saved. That’s not a sin, though. No, the sin is I’m stuck here.

Inspector, I have so many sins. I “published” Braxton’s book “My Turn To B III.” X/Twitter has been reminding me more than Amazon. And that’s not reason enough for me to stay. To honor my firstborn son? It took an effing Carpenter Ant Invasion, Echo.

How many days have I been sitting at the Dining Room table losing this conflict?

Inspector, M Anime’s Birthday is coming up, and I have no money to get her anything. “I Got Nothing But Love For You Baby” The Carpenter Ant War, Inspector. Eff Me! And Eff MAGA and FDT! When was the last time I had a decent paycheck? Run to father? Eff!

Inspector, I’m a Dad, and today is Virgil’s Gotcha Day. So what did he get?

A dead man. We are The Walking Dead. And if Virgil wasn’t here? Touch, sight, taste, and sound. “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Inspector, considering my age, “it all was bullshi*t.”

You have FEAR to thank for that, Inspector. Do you remember what Four told Tris:

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.”
Divergent

Exactly Inspector. It’s what I wanted to explain to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, a few days ago. I’m up all night because besides her impressive Yabbos. FEAR.

I’m exhausted. I smell the chemicals in the air of all the poisons I’ve been using in the battles. Virgil could use a bath. I can spot an effing ant from yards away or a cracking foundation. I’m washing my hands. Can’t taste my food because of my stomach. Silence

How do I explain that to M Anime? B was telling me today, Monday, August 11, 2025, how I’m going mad. Duh! I believe my dead fur buddy is talking to me beyond the grave.

“And even though you passed. Going on four long years. Still waking up late at night, crying tears.” I shouldn’t be singing R. Kelly, but it’s true, Inspector. Terrified, Mourning.

M Anime can ask the simplest thing: How are you? How was your day? And I told her I could lie. Say I’m fine. That’s what men do, right? Because saying I’m Afraid today and tomorrow makes no sense. But being with her makes sense. Being with Braxton did. Being good to Virgil does. Loving myself? B’s Sense Wins Virgil.

“Inside of me
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
I’m only a man lookin’ for a dream
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hoo, hoo, hoo
It’s not easy to be me.”
Five For Fighting

1655 Days Without B III, Day 1096 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 040 ~Under B’s Eye Virgil~

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“You get a phone, you get a phone, everybody gets a phone,” my father said yesterday afternoon. So what have I seen on it? Where can I buy more Carpenter Ant poisons? Those baby chicks M Anime wants. Pictures of my furry boys. “Under B’s Eye Virgil.”

Sunday, August 10, 2025

Journey 040 ~Under B’s Eye Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… “Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving a signal? Do you copy me?” A song?

Really? You can’t see the song in your heart, the air in your lungs, or the courage in your loins. Can we talk about your balls and what you want M Anime to do to them later? Ha, your twig and berries! And on the subject of what you want in her mouth (rolls eyes), are you still eating? Today you saw your last Lucky Charms bar and ten sour candies. You must always protect your boys, Braxton and Virgil. Yeah, when Braxton was dying, he had stopped eating. And Virgil is only trying to impress. Being in bed beats everything else, I know. You were praying you wouldn’t have to rise, but Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, came a-calling. She doesn’t know about these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pledged To Him 4: (His Sorority Harem Book Four)… Bimbeau
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I am so sorry. Not for failing yet again. No! If you have one thing to do this week… WAR!

You have to win this war against the Carpenter Ant menace. That’s why you haven’t been eating too well this morning. Again, I am sorry. Caulk? But now you need a caulking gun, I swear to Braxton! You have something called Plastic Wood to “cover up” the damage. I got you more spray. And this morning, the porch is covered in Carpenter Ant corpses. To Hell with THEM!!! Do you remember what you’d tell B? You’re his human. His Dad.

“I’m your father. It is my job to protect you. It’s a job I refuse to quit, and at which I can’t afford to fail.” – Philip Banks, James Avery.

Speaking of being a father, did yours get you a new phone yesterday? And how did you repay him? Twenty-Four bucks? Failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 18: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

What would he think if he saw the chewed-up door to the shed and the cadre of weapons you’ve been using? Well, I’ve been. The most you’ve done is smash a fly. What, Ant adjacent!

What would M Anime think if she saw you today? The house is a mess, and you fear you can’t defend the rubble. Virgil is less dog and more scaredy-cat, like father, like son. But B III’s courage never failed. And now, can we not talk about your fur buddies when thinking about the woman you want to make their two-legged siblings with? M Anime.

Eyes On The Prize, man. Black Man. Writer. M Anime’s Man. Braxton and Virgil’s father. Me. Under B’s Eye Virgil.

1652 Days Without B III, Day 1093 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 039 ~Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil~

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“We are fighting a war. Our enemy is not human. And we are losing.” If I could tell my past self that, would I give up the nearly 16 years I had with B III? I didn’t learn his bravery or pass it on to his brother, 2-V. “Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil.”

Saturday, August 9, 2025

Journey 039 ~Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And if I were a MAGA Cracker Hat as well… What I’d do? Fumigate, Fornicate, Fail

Honestly, I don’t need a billion dollars for any of that. I failed my boy. I failed Braxton, Lunalesca. And what about his little brother Virgil? Another morning sleeping, Luna.

When it comes to fornicating? Well, Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, isn’t here yet. But I got caught up with Margaret Qualley in the film Sanctuary this morning.

“When I tell you. Not before. You’re gonna come inside me. But I want to tell you something first. I have an app on my phone, and it tells me when I’m ovulating. I’m ovulating right now. And when I tell you to come, you’re gonna come inside me. You’re gonna do it, and you’re gonna make me pregnant. And I’m gonna have the baby.”
Rebecca, Margaret Qualley, “Sanctuary” (2022)

Would M Anime ever say such a thing? To a man like me, that’s good for nothing that I can’t even capitalize on this moment. The thing that brings us together today, my dear Lu.

Fumigation? One more thing I’m failing at. It’s what had me rushing just minutes ago.

Last week, I told you what STUPID was. Today, let’s focus on being SCARED. FEAR.

EFFING FEAR! Every moment, every minute, and every muscle. Every day! I can tell you with utmost certainty that if it isn’t tears for Braxton, then the tears are for me. Even worse, Lunalesca. The tears are for fear. Tears For Fears… Not my favorite band, but Everybody Wants To Rule The World. Mad World, ain’t it. You know the line that explains my bed.

“And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had.”
Tears For Fears, Mad World

And how long will my bedroom remain a safe place when I can’t even defend Braxton’s yard or a little shed? The only reason I’m not crying right now is that I’m too sweaty and all of the chemicals I keep spraying. These EFFING CARPENTER ANTS! Braxton was one for inside or outside. Virgil thinks I’m going nuts. Idiot? Cowardly?

The virtues of being a Cracker Hat. I instead call myself a scared little boy than one of them Lunalesca. Is it time to call my Old Man and admit that his son has failed yet again? And I have no money. Every day it’s a new FEAR, and I’m drowning in it, Lunalesca. Breathe!

Carpenter Ants, Woodshed, Trash, Chemicals, Old Man, Money, My Book (My Turn To B III), Virgil’s Health, Norton, Day Job, Car, Phone, Neighbors, Time, Braxton. Lady Lunalesca, there is no ending to the FEAR. It’s The Long Walk, and I have to outlast everything, and for what? SPOILER: Ray Garraty survives. Lunalesca, Ray keeps walking.

I’m walking, I win, I wish. Ask, “What are ya buyin’?” Braxton’s Bravery 101 Virgil

1651 Days Without B III, Day 1092 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 037 ~Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Standing before God? Please! I’m pretty sure there isn’t one. And the only thing I’ve ‘manifested” besides bringing my boy back is B and V’s potential stepmom liking me. Having to face her, my boys, and the man in the mirror, Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil.

Thursday, August 7, 2025

Journey 037 ~Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil~

1649 Days Without B III, Day 1090 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Myself? I’ve cried. I didn’t get paid. Been humiliated. But allow me to be official:

To General Braxton Barks Bradford:
Here on the front lines… The Dining Room table overlooks the backyard. Our lines are holding steady. There has been no trace of the Carpenter Ant enemy in days, General. Though I am reluctant to claim victory. The Captain and I… Your little brother, Virgil.

We remain armed and ready to battle the invaders. Vigilant and prepared, all is stillness.

Yet the toll has been significant. A few inches of the shed door have been annihilated by the Carpenter Ant menace. Several more inches are heavily damaged. No casualties to report amongst the brave who fight to maintain your territory. Though both Virgil and I have received bites from our daily walks and skirmishes from those six-legged freaks, B III.

“We must meet the threat with our valor, our blood, indeed with our very lives to ensure that human (and dog) civilization, not insect, dominates this galaxy now and always!”
Sky Marshall Dienes, Starship Troopers

To Manager Braxton, Of Braxton’s Savings And Loans:
I know it’s been weeks since I made a deposit. It’s these times, Sir. And with the recent war effort… Not in Gaza, or the war the MAGA Cracker Hats have declared against the American people. I mean the war in “my” backyard, literally. Well my Olds backyard, anyway. The point is, I have been pouring resources into simply holding on B.

Much like Tom Waits singing you gotta “Hold On.” Or Luther from “Detroit Become Human,” I am holding on. And I ask for your patience and for your perseverance, Braxton.

Oh, you got to hold on, hold on
You gotta hold on
Take my hand, I’m standing right here, you gotta hold on
Tom Waits

“Hold on just a little while longer
Everything will be all right.”
Detroit Become Human

The strength you showed as you faced the end, Sunday, January 31, 2021. Your Euthanasia. I’m trying… be the body, not the shadow, hold space.

To Braxton, my firstborn son:
I would deny myself before I deny you anything. If you knew how many times I’ve sung the words of Mark Schultz’s song, He’s My Son. “Let me take his place somehow.” I would have taken your place, Braxton, without question. If anything, I should have followed “long ago, long ago, long ago.” You gave me nearly sixteen years of your life as a soldier, the one who held me accountable, and as my best friend. My little Braxton Barks.

Now I sacrifice everything for “family.” I care for you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. And keeping Virgil alive, cutting off subscriptions to save money. Effing WWE channel changes! Anyway, I sit before you today. Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 036 ~Braxton, Virgil, A Pa~

WillLeave a comment

I’m the “Last Of My Kind,” said no Ant ever. I haven’t seen one today with Virgil’s walk and all. But I’m not clapping for him or any victory. If I were a “strong survivor, a real provider… a Tru Rider,” for my boys’ stepmom. Braxton, Virgil, A Pa.

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

Journey 036 ~Braxton, Virgil, A Pa~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And I’m sure all of Hell is applauding. But as for my arrival. “How To Save A Life”

Virgil is still here. Well, I assume so. “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.” And today is Monday, August 4, 2025. But I’ve been living on Sunday, January 31, 2021. You know what the Klingons say, “Today is a good day to die.” But “Here I Am,” because I have to work. One day of the week… That’s rich. A blessing and a curse.

Inspector, if I were finishing Braxton’s book, “My Turn To B III.” But I want to give myself a round of applause for showing up late to sit at the dining room table. Seriously, Echo.

It’s not like I’m getting paid this week. More weapons in my war against the Carpenter, Ha. Ants, Jesus, whatever.

I haven’t seen a Carpenter Ant all day, but the day isn’t over yet. It’s 3:30 PM, meaning I should have been at the table at 1:00 PM. Too busy putting my digits around my “Enormous Pen*s” thank you Da Vinci’s Notebook. But the moment I clap my hands, E.

Victory? The wood is still destroyed. I can’t pay for that. How much did I spend to fight the good fight? I cut limbs from a tree. I sprayed chemicals until my arm twisted, Echo.

As for the GOOD Lord, “Footprints In The Sand,” indeed. My existence has been nothing but The Long Walk. Am I Ray Garraty? Braxton would be Pete McVries, while Virgil is Stebbins. Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom would be Jan then.

M Anime, my Jan, Julia, if we’re talking 1984. And with her mind, I could place her in any number of Hentai. She’s cheering me on, but she’s not clapping. Too much work to do.

“Him and I,” like the G-Eazy song. That’s what she wants from me. And afterward… Inspector, I can hear the clapping of a crowd. The future? Wedding, Kids, Fame, Fortune.

But “If Only for One Night,” there’s a different kind of clapping. And Virgil’s paws against the door; if no Ants have chewed through it. And Braxton covers his eyes.

Inspector, my Ma’s hands take care of my Grandma, and “Grandma’s Hands?” I should ask. And my hands. I’m not clapping or “Praying” like Kesha. For Braxton, Virgil, A Pa.

1648 Days Without B III, Day 1089 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will