Tag: Sins

Journey 163 ~To B Bugged Virgil~

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Would you call it courageous that I choose to stay here with Virgil and face the termite guy’s judgment rather than waste money at the movies, or let my father handle it? Is it crazy to think he’d bug the house? Hasn’t he ha-ha? “To B Bugged Virgil.”

Thursday, December 11, 2025

Journey 163 ~To B Bugged Virgil~

1775 Days Without B III, Day 1216 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The best part of my day, as it stands, I heard from your Favorite Girl.

It’s always nice to know that someone is wondering whether you’re dead or alive, B.

Honestly, that’s a short list: you, your Favorite Girl, and Virgil eventually… He doesn’t sit on my head as you did. But I still could barely breathe this morning. I know you don’t like me saying that. But I did feel sick this morning. And death’s right up there with my dollars and my d*ck. I know Braxton, Eww! You should see the videos of women calling their men Daddy in front of their kids. I’ve been watching far too many, if you ask me.

I woke up around one in the morning, having accomplished nothing. And now it’s ten-thirty and… Well, I’m sure you know what has me buggin’.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Effing Termite guy will be here around one this afternoon, your grandpa said. Or four. “It Doesn’t Matter.” I don’t have “The Rock’s” money or even Wyclef Jean’s. I’m effed.

And that is one of the things that bugs me the most, B III. I know I’m effed. Hell, me and 2-V are effed, and there is nothing I can do about it. Paranoia, Anxiety, and Humiliation are feasting on my brain. Did I really just say that? Mind, body, and soul B III. Heart…

I’m not MAGA! FDT! I’m not even a Planeteer… Captain Planet? Before your time, B.

Only I know I still have somewhat of a heart because I still care about SOME people and your puppy little brother. Virgil’s five ha-ha.

But today I might not make it past forty-one… (Cue Ben-Hur galley drums). What, you thought I had forgotten just because I’ve been on a Stephen King kick these days?

Honestly, every day feels like “The Long Walk,” and I am “The Running Man,” however.

Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere… ’cause there’s no one like you left
Carol Malone… Body Snatchers (1993)

That’s right, this is you and Virgil’s home, my son. And I’m sorry I have failed you all over again. The backyard fence has two holes. The shed door is chewed to Hell. Don’t ask me about under the house. The floor you once ran on is a mess: the baseboards, paint job, everything. But the wanna be Orkin man, my Old Man, and others feel like the invaders, an infestation. M Anime wouldn’t live here. To B Bugged Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 162 ~Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Who wakes up saying, I will be humiliated today? I’m more like, why’s B gone, WTF, and where’s V? Well, he doesn’t have any bugs on him, but the backyard, the foundation, I’ll know tomorrow. Effing Termite Guy. “Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil.”

Wednesday, December 10, 2025

Journey 162 ~Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Do you remember the movie “Accepted?” Not to be confused with ACCEPTANCE. Do you remember TV at all?

Now, before I turn into a philosophical dipshit (I wish), let me address the elephant in the room. Not my boys? Again, I wish. But no Inspector Echo. Carpenter Ants!

Humiliations Galore are imminent “Tomorrow.” “Tomorrow, Koni Tomorrow. My Echo.

I miss watching TV. I still have it, but I’m only watching YouTube presently, Inspector.

Anyway, my humiliation… The Termite Inspector is coming, Inspector Echo. He’ll see where the Carpenter Ants won the war and then… and then? The Hell if I know, my dear.

The backyard is an effing mess. Two sides of the fence are down. The door to the shed was eaten. And now some guy is going to come in, saying “water damage” and “ants,” and give us our effing money.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

In my own home, no less. I would never call what I have here home. But Braxton defended that yard for years. And this is where Virgil stays. I don’t know if he considers this place home, but like me, at the Day Job/the Bad Place, according to Braxton. Virgil is here. And like the great Macaulay Culkin said, “This is my house. I have to defend it.”

He convinced Brenda Song to have his baby. As far as I’m concerned, the man’s a legend. Only I don’t have time to watch “Home Alone,” “Ali,” or “Accepted.” I’ll be humiliated.

Or “Busted” like the band, I swear their song “What I Go To School For” has been burrowing in my head for days, Inspector Echo.

Along with “School’s in Session” from the anime “GTO.” And speaking of anime that does nothing to get me anywhere. How’s M Anime? As far as I know, she’s still getting married into some harem, and I’m going to die alone. I saw this girl, and of course, she had a picture of herself and her man on her phone. My phone still shows Braxton’s last car ride and where Virgil sits… Should I survive tomorrow because I’ll have to call my Old Man, Inspector? I accept these hardships, but have never come to the ACCEPTANCE that this is my existence. And without my Braxton. Like “The Long Walk” and “The Running Man,” I make it to the next moment. Humiliation. Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil

1774 Days Without B III, Day 1215 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 159 ~Virgil, and B Days~

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Had a bad day again, and it’s only 11:30 AM. Hell, my bad days begin at midnight, and the best part of the day is usually somewhere between waking up at 2 AM and sleeping until I have to go to the Day Job. Everything else, my boys, Virgil, and B Days

Sunday, December 7, 2025

Journey 159 ~Virgil, and B Days~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Are you sure? You had a hard time reading this morning. That damn old, ornery, or ogling…

Well, a couple of hours ago, it was this office girl in the book “Shared At The Office” (Ganged for the First Time) by Chantelle Torres. Three guesses what that’s about. Four or five counting yabbos… You ain’t ever gonna change, which is why you’re effed for another week. Hell, at least you get to read before going to the Day Job. Yes, Day Job…

Speaking of having a Day Job, December 7, 1941, “a date which will live in infamy.” You had to say something, right? You ain’t MAGA or a STUPID Cracker Hat. It is what it is?

You hate that saying, but yeah, it’s history unless we’re talking about 1984. Ah, the books I once read. And the goals. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Shared At The Office, Ganged for the… by Chantelle Torres
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

As you can guess, Chantelle Torres’ book was not a Christmas Erotica. These B days. Honestly bad, busy, and busting… Eww! And don’t forget bawling my eyes out for my boys. One more day without Braxton. And like father, like son, Virgil and his “Anxiety.”

No, you won’t be playing Doechii at the Day Job. Sorry, I effed that up for you. And of course, you’ll be apologizing next week. But shouldn’t we always start with Braxton? The day he… passed away was a b*tch. And people think that of you. At least there’s people.

Broke with a Day Job, but at least you have it. That’s my big win for you, Mr. No Balls, ha! Augmenting realities, moments not days. Goals? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Snowed In With Grumpy, Silver…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

To be or not to be? That’s not really a question anymore because one more B comes calling, and that’s your belly. What are you doing for dinner tonight? Even now, you wish you could ask M Anime that. She was coming here seriously pre-breakup.

The 16th is Ma’s birthday. 24th is four months without M Anime. Christmas Eve, ouch! Then Christmas, New Year’s, and M is getting married in January, more like F Days.

Holidays and existence in general suck for three reasons: Funds, Family/Friends, and Fun. You have no money, B’s gone, V’s scared, and you’re your Olds bum. And fun… No joy, nothing jostling, presents, playing games, porno/erotica books, or jiggly yabbos.

Someday at Christmas can eff off. Virgil, and B Days

1771 Days Without B III, Day 1212 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 158 ~To B Powerful, Virgil~

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Am I confusing POWER with FREEDOM? Despite how it looks, I don’t have much of them. The lights are on, I can get up if I want, and 2-V is breathing. He’s five. Talk to me when he’s B III’s age. Fifteen. And at my age, To Be Powerful, Virgil

Saturday, December 6, 2025

Journey 158 ~To B Powerful, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And if MAGA has taught me anything, it’s that money is POWER. Old white rich guy…

Also, a criminal, con man, who has no business being around children. FDT every day.

Hell, if God… whoever you hold that to be, let me switch places with Johnny Sins. I’ve really been into a particular Asian mom lately… But anyway, I still wouldn’t call it even with God. Because neither it nor I had the POWER to save my B. My Braxton, Lunalesca.

“That is strength, boy! That is power! What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste.”
Conan the Barbarian (1982)

“I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.”
Veronica Roth ― Divergent (2014)

And that is what brings me to you today? Not the two titans that are my boys, Braxton and Virgil? What about some Asian mom’s tits… Eww! I’m feeling particularly raunchy today, or am I just being a perv? A MILF, Alex Chen, Mai Shiranui, Misty Olszewski, and whoever else tickles my peach. Beats sitting in bed all day. POWER.

“I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

The power to walk from the bedroom to the den, Lady Lunalesca. Pathetic. Isn’t it? Lunalesca, if you want me to define it… Record scratch… Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation… Lying in bed playing Whiteout Survival at all hours. Drooling over some woman’s yabbos. Or crying “Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone.” Braxton, Virgil, or both. I’m not picky. As long as I’m not alone, Lunalesca. As long as someone is telling me what to do, making MAGA happy.

Lunalesca, “A MAN chooses, a SLAVE obeys.” Popular, Lunalesca… I want to be Powerful. But where does the power lie? How much time do you have? Isn’t it Ironic, Lu?

Again, two titans, tits/yabbos, time…

I could go into many other things, but it’s those three, like something Jigsaw concocted.

“Live or Die, Make your choice.” Or “Get busy living or get busy dying.” I continue “The Long Walk” with Virgil, or I’m “The Running Man,” looking to find my way to B III. And I have no POWER over that. And M Anime? “Stand by Me,” or more to the point, Lunalesca. Ruben sings “Lay By Me.” That’s the thing, everyone else has POWER.

Seriously, everyone else has the time in their minds. And you remember why I didn’t want to do Amazon. I don’t want to steal time, be STUPID with it, or be SCARED all of the time. Powerful, not to be afraid. To B Powerful, Virgil

1770 Days Without B III, Day 1211 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 156 ~Braxton Is Off, Virgil~

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And we’re off… Any minute now… Getting off is the same as ever, but I’m wasting more time. Crying for B but making sure V’s ok. I go from magic glasses and college coeds to Christmas erotica. And then there’s the food truck. “Braxton Is Off, Virgil.”

Thursday, December 4, 2025

Journey 156 ~Braxton Is Off, Virgil~

1768 Days Without B III, Day 1209 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Braxton, I only lied to you when I was feeling some kind of way.

So, how am I feeling today? Well, I’m not Beau Williams, so I can’t say I’m “Feeling So Good Today?” Especially since I thought I had today off. I can’t afford to miss any more days. And I did have to talk to the GM today. Not like that! She asked about you, B III.

You’re not small talk, Braxton. But again, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t addicted to the misery. Grief, mourning… I get off on it. Not like that! How to function without it?

Honestly, that is what I’ve been thinking about all day, while not staying “home,” Braxton.

You’re not ready for “that” conversation, I wanted to tell the boss lady. But seriously…

I’d be off for real…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Well no! Because you know what I mean when I say I want to get off… I don’t mean get off my lap because I’m reading something not meant for you. “Snowed in with Grumpy.”

A woman and her cocoa-covered yabbos. I know B, Eww! Again, stories not for you.

Honestly, I remember when “We Were Young,” and you crept up and tried to steal my cocoa, and you burned yourself. You were off and running. Speaking of being off, I remember that after I would wake up from any given workday, I’d read, and that’s when you would go to sleep. Virgil is the same way… Kinda. He’s been off since he got here.

1209 days and he still doesn’t know what to do.

1768 days and I still don’t know what to do. All I know is that I was standing there in the middle of the Day Job, “The Bad Place,” you would snort. And I was wishing I was off, B. And I do mean off. The worst part of going to sleep isn’t the fact that I can’t rest. It’s the fact that every single day I wake up, I wish I didn’t. At best, it’s “The Long Walk” with Virgil, though I’m trying to make that more of a” Stand By Me” situation. But for weeks it’s been “The Running Man.” And why are my stalkers women? Boobs, Bosses, not babbling with M Anime. Missing her and you, B. Only, Braxton Is Off, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 155 ~B’s Are Threatening, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“It is an awesome feeling to know you are about to change someone’s life forever.” “Tomorrow When The War Began…” Sometimes it’s as simple a thing as walking into the Day Job. Or walking my youngest son, 2V. But always, “B’s Are Threatening, Virgil.”

Wednesday, December 3, 2025

Journey 155 ~B’s Are Threatening, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… If I lived in an Asian household? Maybe. I could be allergic. I’ve never been stung. Plan B…

If I were a motivational speaker, talking about Plan B. Will Smith said it distracts from Plan A. And Apollo Creed screamed in Rocky III, “THERE IS NO TOMORROW!” Echo.

M Anime didn’t want to hear about Plan B either, wanting babies. Lots of babies! Inspector, what about my babies, my boys, Braxton and Virgil? I start writing and… blah.

All these things are threats, Inspector Echo. But you know what wasn’t a threat? And I might be digging my own grave here, but the Day Job. What happened, Inspector?

Threats, fury, and a nine-to-five no longer? Nothing Echo. Not a damn thing. I mean…

Forgetfulness, indifference… the same typical humiliations. Nothing more or less.

Seriously, have you seen me these past three weeks, Inspector?

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

My sin is putting these days on the same level as losing Braxton. I watched him die for a little over a week. Though I didn’t notice until that Wednesday and by Sunday, January 31, 2025… That’s how the world’s been to me forever. To them, I’m all Linkin Park.

Inspector, “In The End,” it doesn’t even matter. I’m worrying about the Day Job, women, and my worrywart of a son, Virgil. Because again, my firstborn son, B III, is gone, and I’m still working at my Day Job. And that’s the insult, Echo. I blame myself and that place.

The Bad Place, Braxton thought of my Day Job. There was also the Kidney Failure. But no, I’m to blame and the Day Job. Euthanasia…

How can I put my child and the place that took him from me on the same level? How dare I, Echo? I’d be furious if I weren’t exhausted and disgusted. Stress relief? Uh eww!

So let’s say the Day Job isn’t in jeopardy. You play Butch, and I’ll be Marsellus Wallace, okay? No, The Long Walk, The Running Man references? “Pulp Fiction,” Inspector Echo.

What now? “Oh, that what now?” I can go back to worrying about watching wrestling. Do you remember me “stealing” Survivor Series: WarGames (2025)? I’ve gotten into this new game, Whiteout Survival, and in my state, on “My block, I’d never leave my block, my beep need me.” Then there’s “augmenting” AI. Terrible, Tempting, and Threatening. B’s Are Threatening, Virgil.

1767 Days Without B III, Day 1208 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 152 ~This B And Virgil~

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What did I say last week? And the week before that. And every week since… Hell, I can remember when I lost Braxton, broke up with M Anime, and had the worst day of my life. Because this B just ain’t no good. What will my bosses say? This B And Virgil

Sunday, November 30, 2025

Journey 152 ~This B And Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Because who else would I be talking to? All your bosses are women. M Anime? Uh well…

The only time you’d call her the “B-word” is during sexy time. She wanted to be all sorts of freaky in your bed. Not that you’ll ever know. Hell, even after three months, you’re still trying to figure out whose fault it was for your breakup. Your Brokenness, her wanting Babies, and have you counted Bucks? Can’t be too many of those left. Cowardice, dude!

Your cowardice! Because Braxton wasn’t a b*tch. He was only B. And little Virgil? Blah. Whatever he is, it’s better than you. And what about in three days? Wednesday’s coming.

And not in the hot as Hell sort of way with Jenna Ortega, you perv. Do you remember when that was your biggest concern? Because it’s never Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pledged To Him 6 His Sorority Harem by Neil Bimbeau
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But maybe you should be thinking about your future. You mean past this coming Wednesday. Because this B ain’t lying to you. But if it helps, I don’t know anything.

Honestly, I only THINK you’re effed. And much like MAGA and those Cracker Hats, I’m only right when I’m doing something very wrong. But again, what about your bosses, Braxton, and your other little boy? “Bye, Bye, Bye.” I wonder how they would have felt if you played NSYNC at the Day Job? Again, that’s the elephant in the room—the big b*tch, if you will. And I know you like that, Cherry, Momokun, Piper Niven, to name a few.

Seriously, you can name some BBW you want to do, but these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING As Yet To Be Found
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Although last night I did something that I thought was impossible. Well, to you anyway, considering you’re STUPID. Isn’t that a worse word than b*tch? Anyway, last night, I watched WWE Survivor Series: War Games. You know, as Wolverine said, “I’m Canadian,” according to the VPN. Yeah, you’ve used one before. You’re not some genius.

I know I’m not being very helpful. Am I getting you ready for Wednesday? That will be your win for the week. It’s something much better than saying you got to see half-naked women beat the crap out of each other. And what about reading about it… More Neil Bimbeau?

Or do you fall back on tradition with Christmastime Erotica? Just keep a Day Job for “This B And Virgil.”

1764 Days Without B III, Day 1205 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 151 ~Spell WORRY, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

“Analyze this, analyze this, analyze this…” I’m not Madonna, and I’m not good at spelling either. I have spell-check flag me for “analyze” daily. More so if I go into the Day Job on Wednesday and find out I effed up this week, hmm. Spell WORRY, B, V.

Saturday, November 29, 2025

Journey 151 ~Spell WORRY, B, V~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… I ain’t ashamed to say that with that amount of money I’d host some death games.

“The Long Walk,” “The Running Man…” and, Hell, just being alive like in Stand By Me seem like challenges. And if you’ve kept up, I’ve dragged Braxton and Virgil along.

Only not to my Momma’s house yesterday. Braxton wouldn’t have been welcomed. And Virgil was asked about. But why make him worry about my nephews? I’m too busy worrying about my Olds. Have I grown a heart? No, Braxton broke that when he left, Lu.

And M Anime made sure to grind on the pieces with her work boots after she, too, left me. Lunalesca. What about a spine? Did you hear me babbling, quibbling, and confessing to my boss on Wednesday? Spineless! This leads me to this coming Wednesday. Same sh*t, different day? Maybe…

“I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

If I still have sh*t, a boss, a Day Job. “Let That Hammer Fall.” Not for The Neville Brothers, but for my sons, my Braxton and Virgil. Still, I was too much of a coward to face Amazon for them. And what would I do for myself? I traded a Panic Attack for “Anxiety,” Luna.

And I expect that it will soon be replaced by Depression. And with that, even more worry, Lunalesca. Because what else am I qualified to do? I’m the whipping boy at the Day Job and make-believe I’m a writer. And I say often enough that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. But that takes a woman. And again, M Anime’s gone. And I wish I were being hunted, Lunalesca. Harem?

Augmented Reality? Artificial Intelligence. There are so many things I should be worried about, Lunalesca. And I wish I could go back to when it was as simple as a spelling test that I knew I was going to fail. I wish I could tell you that I was worried about the backyard fence that fell. Geez! Do you remember when that was the biggest thing, Lunalesca? The coming Winter? Without a Day Job, the cold never bothered me anyway.

I won’t be feeling much of it as long as my Olds are paying for their forty-one-year-old bum of a son. Do they worry? I worry? If only worry and happiness could switch places, Lu. Now ask me to spell, “OK.” Spell WORRY, B, V

1763 Days Without B III, Day 1204 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 149 ~Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club~

WillLeave a comment

Last week, I came up with four options. But even with calling in, Humiliations Galore. And I didn’t have a heart attack… I did have a Panic Attack. A little one. Speaking of which, now B III and 2-V have seen me like that. Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club.

Thursday, November 27, 2025

Journey 149 ~Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club~

1761 Days Without B III, Day 1202 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Food Day? Happy Turkey Day. Let’s hope grandma shows up with food…

Are you hungry, or is it just me? And no, that isn’t one of the H’s today, my little Braxton.

No, today I was thinking, in no particular order, Have, Heal, Help, and Heaven. And for that I needed a cult… Your Dad had to look up the 4-H club this morning, and what about yesterday? Whatever did I do yesterday? Well, if anything, your little brother V was happy.

There’s another H-word. We don’t do HAPPY in this household. But what about the 26th?

Okay. Do you remember me talking to Inspector Echo about flipping a coin? Heads, I go to the Day Job; tails, I stay with Virgil… Heads. Heads, I stay the whole day, or tails, I tell the ASM to her face, I can’t work. Heads. So you know what your Dad did, don’t you, B?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Coward that I am, I called in. And then what?

Not that son. I didn’t HAVE a good day. I didn’t HEAL. I might have HELPED the neighbor screw me over about the broken fence. Braxton, I dreamed of HEAVEN.

“I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. If I were to imagine Heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And he would be waiting for me there.”
― Cloud Atlas

Seriously, Braxton, is that where you are? Anytime I think about what lies across the Rainbow Bridge, I imagine food at the head, one of the sides, and the foot of the bed. And you’re waiting for me on that empty side, and I crawl up beside you. That’s heavenly.

Maybe it’s “Heavily” that I ask “pardon, goddess of the night.” Too much Shakespeare, huh, Braxton? My idea of Heaven.

Well, besides listening to Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon sing. I swear, Braxton, why do you have me thinking about Much Ado About Nothing” all of a sudden? B III.

Maybe you’re telling me to “Sigh No More?” We’ll see if I survive this week. I don’t know B, I just don’t know. And you know what’s effed up? When you “passed,” I didn’t take time off the Day Job. I didn’t miss a day. Hell! I waited till the end of that week to take you to the vet on that Friday. By Sunday… Anyway, I’m worried about Friday. And should I still have the Day Job on Wednesday? If I have it, if I help, not heal, or go to Heaven. Always a “Possibility.” Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

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Here I am, this is me. And while Braxton and Virgil would “Stand By Me,” for “The Long Walk” I have to take today. I’ll still be “The Running Man.” Because I’m feeling more like Winston Smith and the rats… Room 101. Virgil, Braxton Calls It

Wednesday, November 26, 2025

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I could prattle on about the usual, but the main sin happens… Well, I have thirty minutes. Maybe.

Make the call. Make that change—literally, Inspector. I can go to the Day Job, what Braxton calls “The Bad Place,” and be a ‘better’ man, be belittled because of the Panic Attack that is happening, or just barf all over the place. Eww! I’m going to be sick, Echo.

I’m willing it. Hell! I was very much so with everything that happened yesterday, Echo.

I don’t have to do this… Make the call. I can’t go in. I CAN’T DO THIS. Make the call.

But if I make that call, it will change my existence. And what about Virgil? He needs to eat. I didn’t eat till midnight, being so sick. If I lose the Day Job, Virgil and I will both understand Braxton.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

Starvation? “Desperate for changing, starving for truth.” “Hanging By A Moment”

Inspector, indeed I am. I’ve said I’ll always choose the physical pain over any mental anguish. My Braxton was the same way. He would rather stay and wither away beside me than think about leaving me. And Virgil? Well, he’s in Braxton’s room, hiding?

Inspector, neither one of us wants to deal with our bosses. But if I don’t go today, what about Black Friday? Thanksgiving indeed. Did you see my last paycheck, Inspector?

Everything has taken a backseat to this moment. The back fence falling, being broke, not wanting to leave this bed. Even Braxton, which is the greatest sin of all, Inspector.

Forgetting my firstborn son? Never! Being sad or being SCARED?

I’ll take damn near anything over FEAR, which is why I’m right here, phone ready.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.”
Man in the Mirror, Song by Michael Jackson

Inspector, what should I do? I heard once that you should flip a coin. For the second, it’s in the air; you know what you truly want. Belly or head? Eww! I’m not in the least bit horny, but me being me, I was thinking about sex and/or a blowjob. But my belly says be sick and stay here. My head says, they’re looking for any excuse to fire you. Physical and mental seem to be together. I’m shaking, my stomach hurts, I’m sweating, and my mind is ripping apart knowing what this will all mean. “Panic Attack” Inspector Echo!

Seriously, am I calling or not? Virgil, Braxton Calls It.

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. I won’t do that.”
I’d Do Anything for Love

1760 Days Without B III, Day 1201 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will