Tag: Broken

Journey 140 ~Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted~

WillLeave a comment

Do or do not, there is no try. Tried being a Dad. B III made it to 15. V hasn’t been 5 for a whole month. Tried being a boyfriend. M Anime left as I couldn’t afford two-legged babies. I would have tried. Tried like me? Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted

Tuesday, November 18, 2025

Journey 140 ~Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That’s it, or that’s it? I’m not a Beatle, though I’ve seen plenty flying around.

Beetles, bucks, and nice boobs, rather Yabbos. It’s hard to reject them, resist them, and remember them all. Braxton knows I tried… Or Lord knows I tried, —my Sweet Lord.

Love, I like the song, but don’t care much for the entity. I tried that, my father, high school, and while Braxton lay dying. And that’s how I feel today. Like I’m dying right here.

That’s not cool to tell you, is it? We could go around each other all day asking if love makes you feel dead or gets you through the day, “awake and alive.” Ah, Mr. Gabriel.

As in Peter Gabriel… As opposed to other “Silly Love Songs.” You’ve had enough, love?

I’m trying to give more. “I wish it from myself.”

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Songbird? The original Fleetwood Mac or Santana to Brittany from Glee? You know that makes me feel a particular kind of way, love. If anything gets me out of “Loser Like Me” ideas, it’s a lady like you and one of your lady friends. Too many harem books, my love?

You’ll be the only mother of my children. And yes, we should try for more. But if I ever get Jacob, Grayson, Eddie, or Ethan’s coin… All the haremlit. And I’m a good Dad. Sigh.

That, of course, goes for my furry boys as well, Braxton and Virgil. How can I be better for them? Virgil deserves better? And Braxton definitely knows I can be better. Real good. The best. Like I’m in “The Warriors.”

And this is where the rubber meets the road, my love. I have to learn to love myself. And that’s not me being negative again. It’s a fact. But I have an honest-to-Braxton question about that, my love. Where do I begin? Not only “Once In A Lifetime,” I ask myself, “Well, how did I get here?” “When Will My Life Begin?” You know, I’m trying… No, ever better beloved.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror.” Life is a series of tries, my love. But sometimes you can only try once and then… Well, we’re here. I have one wife. Always and forever.

That’s you. I’m telling the man in the mirror, that “I will TRY to FIX YOU.” Braxton Tried, Virgil Convicted.

“We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us.”
― Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die (1998)

1752 Days Without B III, Day 1193 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 138 ~It’ll B Done, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Even Jesus said, “It is finished.” Then again, what do I know? “War, war never changes?” I’ve done some pretty effed up things. And in the words of Rambo, “Nothing is over! Nothing!” And I’m not done. Braxton, Boobs, Books. It’ll B Done, Virgil.

Sunday, November 16, 2025

Journey 138 ~It’ll B Done, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I wish today’s question were this. Did ancient Egyptians use contractions? The Mummy? “The Mummy Returns?

I go to see one movie, and next thing you know, a bunch of other stuff comes out for sure.

Fifty bucks! Thirty-five for “The Running Man”: a small popcorn and a blue raspberry Icee. Ha! And another fifteen at the food truck. What is left for you? Apologies friend.

Honestly? The best favor I could’ve done you didn’t get done. More FEAR, less funds.

Seriously, you’re effed! But you have your sons, Braxton and Virgil, new sins, and sleep. Well, not today, since you still need to eat, which means a trip to the store is in order, friend. What have you been doing with all your time? Is “Whiteout Survival” that damn serious? Oh, and finishing Bikini Magic. Eight minutes. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Magic by Michael Dalton
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

You have to get back into the habit of being positive. Do you remember that game “Two Truths and a Lie?” You’re a positive person. You miss M Anime. And you’re not a good man. Too easy, but I am sorry I’m coming down on you. Twelve hours. Nothing done.

MAGA, the Cracker Hats, and the president are so much worse. FDT, always and forever.

You would be a much more benevolent ruler. Quite the pharaoh, if you will. And leave it to X\Twitter to show you that there are lines you won’t cross. Evils that must be opposed. And that’s why you’re looking at me and I at you. When, oh when, my lord?

Tomorrow, my “Sweet Lord?” You playing DJ? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING As Yet To Be Found
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You think the LOD won’t be letting you do that again. One more reason Monday is going to suck big time. You want it to be over and done with already. Hell, you wish it was done before we even met. That’s why you lounged around in bed. Again, Michael Dalton’s “Bikini Magic,” a full-out warring on the phone, and ten bucks on yabbos. Any yabbos, which is an effed up way to play people. You want to be done. E-Day, B’s passing, M’s leaving. And like I said yesterday, you’re standing, “Stand by Me.” You’re on “The Long Walk.” I get to sit down. Now you have to run. You’re “The Running Man” today.

Nothing is done! Until next week… It’ll B Done, Virgil

“Everything is done.”
Michael Townley

1750 Days Without B III, Day 1191 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 135 ~Braxton and Virgil Repair~

WillLeave a comment

The fix is in… Nope. Nothing is changing for me today. Well, other than having to break up a paycheck in two since I didn’t work this week. Breaking open a bag of dog food for V. And breaking the bank to see The Running Man. Braxton and Virgil Repair

Thursday, November 13, 2025

Journey 135 ~Braxton and Virgil Repair~

1747 Days Without B III, Day 1188 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine? Ahem. “There is no love here, and there is no pain. Every day…” Blah.

I do like that song “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” But I find myself wanting to shout that MAGA battle cry of “I don’t want reality!” And you remember, when I would come back from the Day Job, either we’d be too busy catching our breaths walking or stuffing our faces to talk. Then came napping, and then and only then could you “Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.” What sound am I running from today? All or none, pick one B III.

“When you’re too in love to let it go,” M Anime, you, V, the Man in the Mirror on Sunday.

I can’t fix this in 150 words or less. I’m sorry, B III. I ask others to allow me yaboos/boobs, so allow me to boo-hoo.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Today, I’m sad. Well, every day I’m sad, but I feel it more this morning. But how to fix it?

Even when Braxton was here and Virgil is here now, I didn’t know how. And maybe I should stop watching those, let’s say, “Alpha men” videos before bed, and dreaming? Honestly, Braxton, last night I had the most racist dreams, and I don’t know whether to blame MAGA or Tony Weaver Jr. It took me forever to find his name, B III. And why ha!

I only remember him screaming out, “GET SOME THERAPY.” Would that fix me, B III?

You didn’t know your Daddy back then. I was psychoanalyzed up the yin yang. And it didn’t take, B III.

I found courage with you; cash didn’t matter because it was you. And some P.Y.T.’s c*nt… Must I be so crass? What can I say, I’m feeling mean. Anyway, you like your favorite girl. And M Anime and I didn’t become a thing until four years after you left us.

So she’s more Virgil’s problem, and he can’t fix that. And nothing can fix me. Only that could be a lie. As I sit here thinking about going to see “The Running Man” tonight, B.

Yeah, you hated movie nights outside the house. Just me and your favorite girl. Jealous?

No, just hurting. “Guess we’re one in the same.” But you’re not broken anymore, Braxton.

I’m just broke—no hours for Braxton and Virgil Repair.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 133 ~Wars B Through V~

WillLeave a comment

I wanted to be a fighter pilot. I told my Ma that I wanted to be the Secretary of Defense. I said DEFENSE. I also wanted to be a wartime writer. I did a few weeks in the Navy. You live for the fight when that’s all that you’ve got. Wars B Through V

Tuesday, November 11, 2025

Journey 133 ~Wars B Through V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Like I know about World War I and II. Okay, at least two. American Education…

I know it’s Veterans’ Day, but as for my family… My Olds? Boys? Our Family… “A Small Talent For War?” And that’s what existence feels like, The Twilight Zone. In my heart, I long for peace. “Deep in the cell of my heart, I will feel so glad to go.” Go where you ask me? Anywhere there’s peace, my love. I stopped looking for “Love AND Happiness so long ago. What? Am I saying you don’t make me happy? The children? B III and 2-V?

Beloved, what I’m saying is that things like happiness, love, peace, freedom, etc, are worth fighting AND dying for. And I understand why men choose a blaze of glory. I save what I love, but I FEAR. Forget. I fight.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

“We’re going to win this war not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love!”
The Last Jedi

“Love Is A Long Road,” “Love Is A Battlefield,” and I wish I could believe like The Beatles that “All You Need Is Love,” and then I see what it takes to fight for it. “Angel With A Shotgun.” I’m lucky that I married you, right? “I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage. And you will be mine.” With our hands full, the kids can carry our happiness.

And who are we fighting? Directly, I would say MAGA, the Cracker Hats. FDT, always.”

But as Haymitch says, remember who the real enemy is—the loss of my mutt. Please, Braxton was a purebred Deer Head Chihuahua. Little Virgil lives with my misery. You?

Yes, you as well. I fight for the moment, love.

Dawn of the Dead’s Frank said, “You want… every… single second.” But there’s no shame in admitting this to you, my love. No negativity. Only the prayer like I’m Tupac.

“Heavenly Father, I’m a soldier, I’m gettin’ hotter
Cause the world’s getting colder, baby let me hold ya.”
‧ Tupac

But then the truth is “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier.” A brief stint in the Navy. Water…

If I knew that I could cry this much, I would have stayed. I could drown either way, my love. Hell! I could cause a wave or make us an island… MAGA, zombies, M Anime…

“Somewhere Only We Know,” to escape. Somewhere there is no FEAR, where I don’t feel like I’m fighting every day, and we can eff like bunnies. It’d give Braxton peace…

Seriously! Virgil fights doors. And me? Wars B Through V.

1745 Days Without B III, Day 1186 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 131 ~Tao Of B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Another early morning, another book. Three bucks for a thirty-page book? And how many books have I written about a woman taking her clothes off? What about B’s book? That was out in August, and here I have no Day Job hours or sales. Tao Of B, Virgil.

Sunday, November 9, 2025

Journey 131 ~Tao Of B, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Which reminds you, go and pick up some soap, have a shave, and forget who she is.

You know, the woman who has you looking up Taoism. Religion on a Sunday morning…

Before the Asian woman, it was “Polly & Her Boss,” because “Lord, Heaven’s above” you finish “Bikini Magic” by Michael Dalton. And Kelli Wolfe’s “Dark Desires” wasn’t available on Amazon this morning. It could be worse—nothing on pet bereavement.

Honestly, “I’m only human after all. Don’t put your blame on me,” or you today. Music and manuscripts, so “Just a day, just an ordinary day.” And you’re saying to yourself, “I’m just an ordinary human.” It’s some people you can’t say that to anymore, and I’m sorry about that. Not to sound psychotic but less people equals more peace. And with this coming week. Depression and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Polly & Her Boss (Collage Girl Erotica) by Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Oh, you’re going to need all of the words now, I must say. The song today is all about you.

As in “All About You” song by Jeymes Samuel. As if they’re ever going to let you control the speaker in the stockroom ever again with your playlist… Really, why is this at the forefront of your mind? Music is meant to bring you peace, except with other people, ha.

And that’s your problem. People? You are not one of the people. Even in this place, you were one person before Sunday, January 31, 2021. And then you became a different person—one before Saturday, August 13, 2022, and then another. Before Sunday, August 24, 2025… Now you’re different again.

And now you’re thinking about M Anime. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Magic by Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re existence is not natural or harmonious. “I’ve been let down. I’ve been turned around. I’ve been misused and so confused.” And you will be too. Even though you have no hours and all you have is Virgil. Not that you’re blaming him. He’s a good boy, little 2-V. But blocking out the noise, the tick of the clock, tiny bug feet, and tinkling finances. Even your motivations are sorely confused, you even have to toil, trust the process, or trust what will flow to you. A little bit of everything. Today, this week, what will you do, hmm? Chase the rabbits or grow the garden. Meditate better to Levitate with a woman or join Braxton. Tao Of B, Virgil

1743 Days Without B III, Day 1184 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 128 ~Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve forgotten what it’s like not to be tired. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to wake up without fear. And I forgot about happiness way before I turned Forty-One. But I remember I am alive. 2-V lives, and B showed me how to. Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil.

Thursday, November 6, 2025

Journey 128 ~Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil~

1740 Days Without B III, Day 1181 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine, you ask? Combine The Long Walk with losing M Anime, and what’s for dinner?

I saw the schedule for next week, so that last thing is going to be a B*tch. I remember when “Yorkie” Greta would come after you. Hungry Like The Wolf, my dear Mr. B III.

Today, as I fought low blood sugar at the Day Job, I thought about what we remember and what we forget. Yes, I mourn you every day. But what about M Anime? She was easy.

No, not like that. I mean, years of friendship and potentially making M your stepmom…

Thrown out like the trash. What made me so forgettable? And last night I repeated that prayer from Red Dawn. I wish I could forget being born. You wish I’d forget such an idea, but Depression over… 150-Word Cap. Sigh…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

“Memories of things that never happened. These are always the hardest to forget.”
Thomas Dolby

I wish I could forget the day you left B. Hell! I wish I could forget that whole damn week!

That’s not me being negative, but honest. Again, at the Day Job, there is a song that’s constantly playing. Pink and not Mariah Carey; Cover Me In Sunshine vs. All I Want For Christmas Is You. Cover Me In Sunshine is everything I want to remember about us, B III.

“Cover me in sunshine
Shower me with good times
Tell me that the world’s been spinning since the beginning
And everything will be alright.”
Pink

I want to remember how you lived, not just your last moments. Living, not dying.

Remember the Memories? Clone High was before your time, but I watched it with you.

Off topic, I know. But I want to remember hearing you when I found your little brother Virgil at PetSmart. He wants to remember me.

It’s one of the reasons Virgil has been so cuddly lately. And when he cries, I have to call to him to come into the room. I’m sure he still smells you, B. Your bed is still in your spot.

And what about my spot? Am I still “augmenting reality” seeing who I am? Really? Yesterday and today, my side hustle is making a little bit of change. Gentlemen, Braxton?

We were not. Again, honest. But you were/are a better man than me. Remember that!

Braxton, short of your life, I want to remember your courage. How to LIVE BRAVE!

Braxton, I want to remember what it was like to not be afraid. Forgetting FEAR? Honestly, “Gee, I’m not sure.” Yet, Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 126 ~B Over Soon, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ll get over you, I know I will. I’ve gotten past two months without my Ex. Yet I’m still standing over B’s ashes, stepping over his doggie gate, and stomping over the man I should be for him. Plus, what happened at the Day Job. B Over Soon, Virgil.

Tuesday, November 4, 2025

Journey 126 ~B Over Soon, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Yet as The Yayhoos sing, “Baby, I love you, just leave me the eff alone.”

I want it all to be over. The humiliations, horror, and happiness. A.K.A marriage, love?

No and never. “Goodness knows; you’re my honeysuckle rose.” I know music, my “Sweet Love.” I remember my words, always and forever. My body, back, and my brain, though… I swear, today was a long walk, “The Long Walk,” and I wanted to sit down.

I keep saying “Love Is A Long Road.” Love is also a verb. And I can only imagine how hard it’s been on you. In you? Hell, we have our kids to prove that while I continue to mourn my son, Braxton. And nearly pushed Virgil off the edge of the bed—too little fur.

And now I must get over this… 150-Word Depression Cap.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Over does not necessarily mean “The End”. “Death Is Not the End.” My Braxton lives.

“He Lives In You,” Like something out of The Lion King. But more to the tune of “Hungry Like The Wolf.” More and more hits, and we’ll get to what happened on the 3rd, love.

Because “Nothing is over! Nothing!” As John Rambo cried. My Braxton was a much braver man—a much braver dog. And I want to inspire Braxton’s brother Virgil in much the same way. But while I pushed him to the edge of the bed, he didn’t go over, my love.

He survived. I survived. “I’m still breathing! I’m Alive” as Sia belts out. Better her than the Foo Fighters and whatever that song was, Monday.

I was able to survive the humiliation of it. One more thing I need to add to the list of why I own my own business. “The Moondust.” One more piece of my new empire. Another jewel to the crown. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. I still can’t get over it ha!

Funny, I need to get over it. Like getting over what happened on Sunday, August 24, 2025, my love? Truth? You don’t get over things like that. Not E-Day, not Sunday, January 31, 2025. Saturday, August 13, 2022, Monday, November 3, 2025. You dig deeper.

Honestly, to get over the bombs, you have to wait until they stop falling like “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head.” B Over Soon, Virgil

1738 Days Without B III, Day 1179 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 124 ~When Braxton Shutdown, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I was on time today… 5 AM turns to 4 AM. I still got up late after reading around 80% of Backyard Dungeon 22. Does that shut down the series? The UK editions? I wish I could shut my eyes on a more permanent basis, but “When Braxton Shut Down, Virgil”

Sunday, November 2, 2025

Journey 124 ~When Braxton Shutdown, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I shut down an hour earlier… later… whatever. Daylight Saving Time ended. And you’re still annoyed.

An extra hour of sleep, and for what? A lie you didn’t have to tell. But you will finish “Backyard Dungeon 22” before the sun goes down today. And you’ll even order that Hot Honey Magnifico pizza. If you do something right for a change, but here you are. Please!

Yesterday was it, or sometime last week anyway, I was talking about the boys, bucks, and big boobs/yabbos. Do you have the bucks for pepperoni? Do you have the time?

That’s the thing about today. You’re so WOKE, and you’re “Wide Awake” to count fails.

Two so far, but again, you’ll finish Logan Jacobs’ book. But shutting down sounds nice. You’d join B but leave 2-V. That’s not right, and neither are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 22, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Let’s start with something small. “Your Eyes?” Wasn’t that one of Peter Gabriel’s best-known songs? But “This Is Your Life”, not Switchfoot’s… Okay, enough kidding. What you’re thinking is, you shouldn’t shut your eyes this afternoon. Always and forever, B.

Honestly, you knew just what to say. “Don’t Let Me Get Me,” as Pink sings. However, without an afternoon nap, you could open the fridge and find something for lunch. You could check and see if you have money for that pizza. The shower curtain opens to, you know that.

Because comedy comes in threes, you could finish Backyard Dungeon 22. There are also the book samples that have been tempting you. Read like you did when the boys rested with you. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING As Yet To Be Decided
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Open up your ears to the good rather than anything else. Books/audiobooks and music are meant to expand the world, not shield you from it… A time and a place. But you keep thinking about Neil Bimbeau’s “Magic Glasses.” See and hear good things, brother.

Honestly, open yourself up to more time. Anything and everything can shut down. But while you’re on your musical kick, “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’ slippin’ into the future.” Seal or the Steve Miller Band? One more thing you need to make time for, hmm?

A playlist for the Day Job, perhaps. Have faith. Better, have a heart. It did not shut down when Braxton left because Virgil is here. What was activated afterward? A soul? When Braxton Shutdown, Virgil

1736 Days Without B III, Day 1177 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 121 ~Braxton Says Boo Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What am I going as for Halloween? Someone the lady in the food truck likes. I spend $15.00 there weekly. Someone who can walk around the Day Job, dead to the world, without getting fired. Someone too low to be on the radar… “Braxton Says Boo Virgil.”

Thursday, October 30, 2025

Journey 121 ~Braxton Says Boo Virgil~

1733 Days Without B III, Day 1174 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What would make my day better? Braxton, I’m living as a zombie, not a ghost.

I ain’t afraid of no ghost. And that ain’t you, Braxton. You’ll always and forever be my son. Only you can’t have chocolate. Oh yeah, Halloween is tomorrow. Scary time!

Honestly, that’s the time between my eyes opening and closing 365 days of the year.

Seriously, it sucks living in FEAR, haven’t you heard? That’s what I’ve been thinking about all day. What have I heard? I miss hearing your nails tapping through the hall.

Braxton, I’ve been reading Backyard Dungeon 22… That’s as Halloweeny as I’m going to get. But I keep thinking about Neil Bimbeau’s The Magic Glasses books. And I keep hearing a voice saying, “You’re not that man.” I’m not a positive one either. But for Halloween, I have to be.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

So, how does one dress up as silence? I mean, you wear it well, Braxton… I didn’t mean that negatively. I was trying to make a joke. TikTok doesn’t get my jokes either, B III.

That’s why I was smart enough to ignore all the comments when I sent that photo of you and Virgil in the classroom. Again, being honest, I don’t think you and V were the issue.

I want to be as silent as my eyes or some woman’s rolling to the back of their head in the throes of passion. We’re speaking as men aren’t we B. “Ain’t even much a matter what happens tomorrow, “cause we men, ain’t we?” Shouldn’t we watch a horror movie?

Movie night? Where’s the candy?

As a matter of fact, where’s the doorbell? It will be a Silent Night for us and little 2-V, too.

The three of us value silence, especially when watching the 1989 film Glory. What about 2014’s Selma? I’m only thinking about quiet things to do on a Halloween night. This one’s long—every single night.

I appreciate the silence at my Day Job. And what about my other endeavors? Grok could silently “repair” itself and return to its normal state. I’ll lose myself again, but it’s better to type out words than talk to your brother. You know what I mean. I don’t want to scare Virgil. Just being me.

Silently, he’s started cuddling close. Silence looked best through your eyes, and I saw someone in them I didn’t hate anymore. Braxton Says Boo Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 119 ~Virgil Will B Patient~

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I’m waiting for the day they don’t call me Ma’am at the drive-thru. I wait for the food truck to get my order right. I wait for the day I’m respected at the Day Job. I wait for when I don’t miss my son so much. I wait for love. Virgil Will B Patient

Tuesday, October 28, 2025

Journey 119 ~Virgil Will B Patient~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I didn’t have to wish for that. It took me fifteen years to learn. And…

His name was Braxton. And he would be… well, he’ll always and forever be Braxton.

I sit here with you late on a Tuesday evening—you and Virgil. And I’ve had two thoughts, and you’re not going to like either of them. You’re patient, waiting for me to be better.

Anyway, the first was that I wish B III were here to talk to, as I’m getting my “Creed” on:

“I feel angry, I feel helpless
Want to change the world, yeah
I feel violent, I feel alone
Don’t try and change my mind, no.”

The second is when I woke, I had been dreaming about 1992’s Aladdin… Well, Jasmine. The three wishes, anyway. And I thought if I had them, I’d want my son back, my B III. I wish that you would Love Me Now. Who am I, John Legend? And I wish I were dea*… asleep. Permanently.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Patience, positive vibes, and points. My point is that the Genie couldn’t bring anyone back from the dead. He couldn’t make someone fall in love. And he couldn’t bring harm.

And yet I am a patient man. I am a forgiving one. So, I’ve been thinking about what Rick Grimes said before the all-out war with Negan and the Saviors. Wise and brave, my love:

“I don’t want to wait for it anymore. You don’t either… Yeah, I know. So we don’t have to wait for it. If we start tomorrow right now… with everything we’ve beaten, everything we’ve endured, everything we’ve risen above, everything we’ve become… If we start tomorrow right now… no matter what comes next… we’ve won. We’ve already won.”
Rick Grimes

And isn’t that something like what Pete McVries said to Ray Garraty? To come all this way and “choose love.” For the record, I’m still upset with the movie. That’s not being negative, it’s only a fact, my love. I wait for things, and in the end, I want to love them, but what happens next? “Last Of My Kind.”

And “You Don’t Know Me,” love. But we have a lifetime to learn, don’t we? And I “pray” our two-legged children are fast learners like my four-legged ones. Braxton. Virgil?

Honestly, how my little Virgil tries. And you? I remember everything, including Sunday, August 24, 2025. Who was it that said patience is a virtue? One day I’ll wake up forgiving myself for Sunday, January 31, 2021, E-Day, and that Sunday with you. Being patient.

These days, it gets harder, but resistance is acceptable; I can wait. I was watching something about the Borg and the Federation while I was waiting at the food truck.

However, “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever.” “Who Wants To Live Forever?” Love Is A Long Road. Virgil Will B Patient

1731 Days Without B III, Day 1172 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will