Tag: Noise

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

WillLeave a comment

When did I last call Virgil a Good Boy/Good Puppy? Didn’t he just “GO” outside? If only I got paid for a bodily function… Eww! But I did make 12 bucks on OnlyFans. And 40 as the employee of the month. That’s not good… “Virgil, B Good, Only”

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Tale 348 ~Virgil, B Good, Only…~

1229 Days Without B III, Day 670 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? These past few days, for me. To quote a famous dog owner… Good Grief! Braxton.

I need you now more than ever. Only that’s a lie. Tomorrow is coming, B. Then the next day. And the day after, and the day after that. I should have followed you, like always. But knowing how bad I am on the inside – Anger, Depression, Yabbos, etc. And the outside isn’t any better, B. Cameras, mirrors, my eyes…

Remember your bath times, Braxton? I started handing you over to the groomers, not wanting to be mad at you. Those were the good times, Braxton. I recently came across a video of one of those baths. I cried. It’s amazing how much can change in just a few days.

One Thursday morning, you stopped crying, and I figured you needed a check-up, B III.

Then, on a Sunday afternoon, I hear the word Euthanasia, and my Old Man asks: “Are you getting a new dog?” That’s your grandpa for you, B. Oh! And that BBQ I went to on Sunday. I swear you wouldn’t have tolerated your cousins. But free food B III. Ha!

That was the only good financial decision I’ve made in quite a while. Did you see what I did yesterday? Or instead, what I didn’t do. Eww! But still ten bucks for a girl that’s not Cherry. Not even close.

Only she won’t be painting the town red. And I need new books. Ok, no, I don’t, but B III. You know, better than most.

It was good when we lied together, and I read “appropriate” stuff, Braxton. It’s one of the reasons you are so bright. Reading was/is Heaven. But seeing it? No! That was no good at all. Then again, how would I know? You could be hugged up by a girl with a “pretty face, a firm backside, and big (Yabbos) like casaba melons.” Yes, that’s from Coming To America, but still…

Braxton, that would be the “Good Life,” wouldn’t it? But M Anime, Cherry, your “honorary” aunt. Your Daddy is not a good person, B. I’m a very sad one. But for how much longer? Virgil is trying. He’s even back to sleeping in the bed with me. Virgil sees a Bad Moon Rising. Maybe he is courageous. Me? My Mood: Depressing. Virgil, B Good, Only…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 346 ~The B Keeper Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I think Braxton is trying to tell me something. I need to break in the new/old couch downstairs with a good movie. Of course, I didn’t buy it. My Olds decorating this house for a future I can’t see. And don’t want to. “The B Keeper Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Tale 346 ~The B Keeper Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I would “Dive for You.” What? Am I longing for a movie night with everything?

That movie is 2004’s Appleseed. Everything is about my little boy Braxton. But he’s not. Right? I have you babe, our babies, and business. My future is coming on. Our…

Yours and mine. But Braxton’s I keep. I don’t know what we’ll be doing tomorrow. Inevitably, though. Or at least it has been for at least 1227 days. I’ve found my way to my Braxton.

Love will find a way. As the song goes. And I do mean the Blessid Union of Souls version, Baby Doll. And not “The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride” edition. Wow! I’m really looking for a date night. “I Think I Love My Wife,” I’m kidding. I know. Like, I know I love B III.

Love, a future without him…

I’ve been thinking about the future a lot. Retirement? Don’t I wish. I’m nearly forty. Whenever I think about it, I immediately go back to my son. I know you don’t like me saying this, but the only thing I regret more than my birth is B’s passing. His euthanasia.

At least I didn’t have a say in birth. But ending Braxton… Ending everything, grieving.

“I’m Thinking of Ending Things.” I mean the movie. Not us, love. Always and forever.

But what does forever look like if you can stand me crying for my lost boy every few days. I was just talking about reading Hannah Bennett’s “The Survival Guide to Pet Loss” and Backyard Dungeon 11. To have all the time in the world.

“THEY,” say if you do what you love, then you’ll never work a day in your life. Sigh. First, I need to start living, but that’s another story. You’re my future, so I want to spend more time with you. If it isn’t sitting on the couch watching movies, it’s lying together as we listen to some 50’s apocalyptic pop. I don’t know how to sell a contradiction, right? Ha-Ha!

I want to keep writing books and making movies with beautiful women. And be somewhere between Hefner, Dennis Hof, and Jedediah the Terrible. Minus the criminality… A moral grey area

Beekeeping though? I’m not interested in the practice or the Jason Statham flick, The Beekeeper. But Braxton, you and our children, and Virgil buzzing around me. The B Keeper Virgil.

1227 Days Without B III, Day 668 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 344 ~That’ll B 666, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. I was done with God when Braxton died. Since Braxton’s gone, I’m not kneeling to my son. And Virgil wishes I was on the floor with him. Then there’s my Olds… Bend the knee. That’ll B 666, Virgil.

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Tale 344 ~That’ll B 666, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you don’t have the mark of the beast upside your forehead yet. And speaking of beast…

Braxton’s been gone for 1225 days. You don’t believe that Euthanasia is the “good death.” But compared to how you’re existing or only feeling right this second… You’d take it. That’s why your son was/is a better man. Because even in the end, all he wanted was to live. Braxton wanted to come home with you. Only he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. Ha!

Not cool. Not funny. Braxton died on a Sunday. And Virgil has met a milestone… Uh, you think so. Virgil has been here 666 days. He’s yet to become a beast or even your son.

And what about you? As hard as I am on you, do you really want to go “home” to those people? Better to stay and contemplate these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Survival Guide to Pet Loss: How to Manage Grief
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yet going home is not one of them. Do you remember 2023’s Christmas Day? No! You blocked that memory out as best you can. Humiliations Galore and whatnot, my dude.

Tomorrow will be full of them, so why ruin a perfectly good Sunday? Because Sundays have been different since Little Braxton’s passing. But it’s always been full of the dead.

Braxton knew every Sunday to shut up because of The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead. And speaking of the braindead, isn’t wrestling coming on tonight? Roxanne Perez’s fight and The Women’s North American Title match. (Cue Homer drooling). Seriously!

You’d give that up to go home, wherever that is to Braxton. And not to your Olds. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 11, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Do you stay or do you go? If the holy rollers are right, choosing between taking the mark of the beast or not is an easier decision. Again, you can always choose to join Braxton.

Last week, besides thinking of some Yabbos. I was thinking of joining my boy. Today? You won’t go that far. But do you stay sitting in bed and face the consequences of rejecting your Olds? Or do you fall deeper into your Depression and go? You could take Virgil Vivi.

Yeah, subject him to people. Indeed, what makes a monster, and what makes a man? A beast. Everyone wants to be a beast until it’s time to do what beasts do. And that’s… FIGURE IT OUT! That’ll B 666, Virgil

1225 Days Without B III, Day 666 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 343 ~Virgil, Better B Better~

WillLeave a comment

The last time, I was the “best” at something. I got $40.00! And I’m paid so little I didn’t notice it on the check. I didn’t know until the end of the month when I was told to sign the paperwork. To be a better Father, Friend… Virgil, Better B Better

Saturday, June 8, 2024

Tale 343 ~Virgil, Better B Better~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Finding out that poor people are getting money. Trump didn’t get elected. Riding to the Titanic…

In other words, I’m sad. I’m suffering from Bipolar Disorder… Where’d I get a PhD? Lunalesca, I’m a father still mourning and/or grieving my fur child. My son, my Braxton.

I’m sure there’s an explanation of the differences between mourning and grieving in many books on loss. But not in the Hannah Bennett title I finished this morning. And if you’re asking why I’m so late. It’s 9:40 AM. I woke up around 2:30ish with all the lights on. I’m still one of those Wake Up at 4:00 AM types. So, I finished Hannah’s book and then moved on to Logan Jacobs. Oh yeah! I’m on day one again after falling to some P.Y.T. Sigh.

As if (pulls out list) Night Elves, Half-Demons, Orcs, Goblins, Spirans, and Succubi are better.

Drama is one thing, but crazy is something else. I’m trying to keep that to a minimum, Lady Lunalesca. Save that to the fairytales. Yeah, Tinkerbelle… “Where Is My Mind?”

Lunalesca, it shouldn’t be in another book about crying over furry angels. And yes, I know you’re not Lady Sophia, “my librarian.” Today, I’m trying to figure out why I feel heartbroken again. It’s not like it ever stops. But I could handle it till a few days ago. Again, I’m reading about “pet loss,” but I’ve done that plenty of times. Nothing works. And as I’ve said, I’ve fallen asleep to find the house bathed in light. I’ve missed dinner at least twice. I find myself getting angry. RAGE

RAGE beats FEAR, no doubt. I keep reading about The Five Stages of Grief. Acceptance? Lunalesca, we’ve established I’ll never reach that. Tiptoeing with the idea, but as far as…

“May I Have This Dance?” Never, Lady Luna! I absolutely positively refuse. Not B III. I refuse to accept that he’s gone, that his memory is fading. With all my might, I will hold on to every precious memory, bark, and wag of his tail.

And that’s why Virgil Vivi is not better. Because I’m not better. The day I got him is coming up in a couple of months “Gotcha Day.” I still remember spotting the three black dots along Virgil’s back. The brown around his eyes, the color of Braxton’s coat. “Braxton’s bark” of, “I couldn’t make this more black and white. Bonus points for using puppy pads.

Lunalesca, I should be making Virgil’s life better. Braxton’s? My existence? Virgil, Better B Better

1224 Days Without B III, Day 665 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 341 ~Virgil, Braxton Begins To…~

WillLeave a comment

This is what you get when you stay wrapped in blankets. And the new guy, the new dog, follows suit. Uh? Virgil’s been here 663 Days. And I’ve mourned Braxton way more than that. Can Little B III ever enjoy peace? Which one? Virgil, Braxton Begins To…

Thursday, June 6, 2024

Tale 341 ~Virgil, Braxton Begins To…~

1222 Days Without B III, Day 663 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Even when I’m not at the Day Job. I plan on the day unraveling anyway.

Or is that just me climbing out of the blankets? To think, Braxton, I never noticed us growing older. I wasn’t old enough to keep up with you, though. And I’m much too old for…

Take your pick. I was talking to Dear Future Wife today. You know the mom you never got to meet. And it’s doubtful I’ve met her between Friday, May 24, 2024, and now, B III.

Anyway, I was talking to her. As usual, I asked her this question. ‘Where’d You Go?’ Not about her. And I know, Braxton, I should love her better. If I loved everyone the way I loved you… I think of who you became. And what I could become. Keep my eyes off the sky, right?

But anyway I was asking, where were you? It’s been 1222 days, and I can still see your Heaven, plain as day. It’s one big fluffy bed with all our snacks and fast food. Yummy!

Do forgive me, Braxton. It’s been a long day, and I haven’t eaten because… Existing… Always existing instead of living, and we’ll get to that, but anyway, Monsieur Baby B.

Heaven’s big bed will have more substantial food for you on one side. You know, like on the high holy days. There was Thanksgiving, E-Day, and Christmas. Your Birthday, Braxton. Now, the other side would have all the treats you were supposed to have. And whatever I gave you when taking your medications. You know it still irks me, B.

You were taking all these heart medications. But your kidneys had you jumping off the bed to everlasting sunshine. If you’re not eating in paradise, you’ve jumped off the foot of the bed, and you’re sunbathing. The Rainbow Bridge, Braxton?

When will I see you again? Will I ever? Only you’re asking when will I begin to live. And not just exist. The philosopher, professor, and my little praetorian guard. I know I read enough books while you slept. So yeah, you would be pretty smart now, my son. Ha-Ha.

Looks at my reading list…

When does Virgil begin his watch? When does ACCEPTANCE begin? NEVER! When do I stop asking for your wings and LIVE? It won’t be this week, Virgil, Braxton Begins To…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

WillLeave a comment

“I know you were right, I can’t be fixed.” Tell that to Virgil. He got stuck with broken me. Is it good that I’m nuts because he doesn’t have any? Jokes aren’t getting us any closer. And Braxton’s further away. Women… Ha-Ha. “Virgil, To B Apart”

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But those three little words, “I Love You,” are so far apart some days, love.

And I’m trying to figure out how to push them back together every day. Somehow. Taking Braxton’s ashes, with a bit of his fur and whatever else he left of himself, isn’t going to bring him back to me. Ladders can only go so high. Or how low I would have to go. That would be easier. But I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart. This mess

Those pieces are stopping me from finding the way to Hell. And looking into those pieces, do you know what I see? All the parts of this existence I love. Again, my love, I try.

But I’m no good with fixing things around the house. I couldn’t fix Braxton. What about our marriage? Not broken

Love has so many new parts now. Gigantic! A big, big love! Did I say that out loud? I can’t be that far gone when I want even more babies. If you’re up for that, my love. And isn’t that the whole point of existence? I believe that love is the answer. You know. Ha-Ha.

More to the point, the meaning of life… Seek out a kingdom “Worthy of Your Soul.” OK, I’ll turn the music off. But it’s a part of who I am. Only there are bigger parts. Um, well, you know that Baby Girl. OK, I’ll stop. But you would rather have me revved up than crying.

But I cried the whole time. Doesn’t matter had… relations.

Lies and jokes, my love…

I’m trying to find more parts of myself to help build us. And then there’s B III—boy, dog, son.

I want him to see from Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or wherever he ended up. My love, I need an existence so big that… What, he’ll find his way back? He’ll see my kept promise?

If I could love you, our family, and even Virgil so much, somehow, I could find my way into Heaven or build one for us. It takes so much. There are so many moving parts.

I have to get moving and start finding those parts. Lest Braxton and I, you and I, Virgil and I never find our way together. Humpty Dumpty. Fix. Even it out. Virgil, To B Apart

1220 Days Without B III, Day 661 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 337 ~Virgil, To B Quiet~

WillLeave a comment

Talking to myself today? I was much too tired earlier? I was at 3 AM with all the lights on and cut them off to wake up at 4. Virgil was silent the whole time. A quiet little life. My existing. That’s too much noise. Ask my son, B. Virgil, To B Quiet

Sunday, June 2, 2024

Tale 337 ~Virgil, To B Quiet~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you’re hoping to adopt Virgil’s stance on the matter. Not a sound or a sickening feeling.

And not one second to waste complaining. Make that this week’s goal. A wish right now… If you had one of those, it would be to bring Braxton back. ‘Had I known how to save a life?’ And what is Virgil? I won’t say I saved his life. No, far from it. But he is still here and quiet. What does that mean for me?

Well, he isn’t decorating the floor with all the rainbow colors. So yes, he’ll live. You could learn from him. That brings us to today. Yes, Braxton is still gone. But to learn from Virgil.

Keeping your mouth shut, 101.

And I’m sorry to say you’ve already failed. Or you will on Monday. Tuesday? Whatever.

It’s another sign of manhood. Producing children. The right to remain silent. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, OR…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 021, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But Virgil doesn’t have the “equipment.” He’ll never have to worry about being a pappy. And the right to remain silent only applies to particular men since “This Is America.” And I’m sorry I ended your streak regarding number four. Once looking at an Irish chick. Then there was Cherry’s melons (Homer drool). And Sophitia and Cassandra (Greek Women From The Soul Calibur Series). I can blame M Anime, Michael Dalton, and Eric Vall for those two blondes. The only time I go international. Entertainment…

This isn’t you complaining, though. I am telling you what I observed this week. Sigh.

Besides Virgil making all kinds of mess, I’m sure he only wants to feel better. So what about you? Virgil can’t tell you what he wants. What are your ideas? Ha-Ha! Besides, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Still Waiting To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re only trying to listen, which is harder than it looks. Please! Virgil is lying on his pillow, and you’re sitting in bed. One of you is learning from the other. Now, my little boy Braxton knew better. Little loudmouth.

So you want to hear Braxton’s voice again. Is that it? And what would he say about your existence? Would he be like the knights of old and say, “Never give up the quest.” Yourself? Honestly, you would prefer not to hear anything else ever again. “Mad World,” dreams in which you’re dying… But Virgil…

Whenever you leave, he cries. And that’s saying a lot. And you say far too much, so you need to publish a book. You’re not complaining but “observing” five months of making so much noise. Learn! Virgil, To B Quiet

1218 Days Without B III, Day 659 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 336 ~On Braxton’s Time, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A great man once said, “We live and die by time.” Another said, “I am a meat popsicle.” But who has time to watch movies? Listen to music? Read the works of Marcus Aurelius. And write my own manuscripts. I got my boys. On Braxton’s Time, Virgil.

Saturday, June 1, 2024

Tale 336 ~On Braxton’s Time, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Or I would be if I did everything I told Braxton about. 1217 Days? Geez, Louise!

Who am I talking to, Lady Lunalesca? Better yet, what am I trying to say? And do I have time to say it? Again, if I go back three years ago and some change. Change? I can’t forget about the money. Can I afford to say what I want to say? That’s the thing my son “B” is priceless. And the other one? What, “V?” He’s still waiting for his time to shine, Lady Lu.

Dime, Crime, Time. The rhyme…

But no, Lady Lunalesca, I’m not trying to be a rapper. A hip hop artist. What about a repairman? Between DISH Network and everything being broken around here… A veterinarian? Well, Virgil is alive, but not Braxton. An adult star? Please! Anything for a dime.

When “I need a dollar, dollar. Dollar, that’s what I need.” Whether rhyme or crime, I gotta get mine. So, what crimes have I committed so early in the day? Well, other than wasting time. And we’ll get to that, Lady Lunalesca. But there is one thing I’ll never forget.

My son is dead. Euthanasia.

One of the reasons I’m talking to you so early is that PetSmart opens at 9:00 a.m., and V needs food. Now, wasn’t I out yesterday? And I didn’t pick Virgil up any? THINK Man!

“Is it a Crime?” What, to be so lazy, a loser, and let’s not forget lewd. On “X” earlier, Lu…

I was looking up pictures of Sophitia from “Soul Calibur.” No time for adult passions.

Am I classifying myself as an adult? A great man once said, “I am a meat popsicle.” But this is not the time for jokes. The earlier I get to PetSmart, the less likely I’ll run into the people from whom I adopted Virgil. 658 Days of his life wasted with me. Times a beast.

Yesterday, that’s what popped into my head. The five months I’ve trashed coming into my fortieth year on this Earth. If my favorite number (snickers) is 15. That’s how old Braxton will always be. Then the worst number is 40. Time enough, at last, Lunalesca?

You’re asking me for what? I don’t know. If I could be a father again. A rich fiend. Have a family. On Braxton’s Time, Virgil.

1217 Days Without B III, Day 658 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 334 ~Buzzing B Because Virgil…~

WillLeave a comment

Summertime and the bugs are out. Please! Between watching Helldivers II because, uh… what money? V catching something and getting Down With The Sickness. Reading, “Meditations.” And my technical prowess. It’s all bugging me. Buzzing B Because Virgil…

Thursday, May 30, 2024

Tale 334 ~Buzzing B Because Virgil…~

1215 Days Without B III, Day 656 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how I am; I need a nap as soon as I get back.

And it’s only 9:30 AM. I swear, Braxton, the last few days have been like a constant irritation, a persistent annoyance, and a never-ending disturbance all at once. It’s been like a bee sting, a mosquito bite, and a butterfly flapping all at once. Am I being a tad overdramatic? Me! Sigh! I just can’t seem to catch a break.

Braxton, I’m trying not to complain. And if I told you the truth. All the things that are bothering me… Well, I’m trying not to reach for the buzzer to paradise. How about Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door? Gotta Knock a Little Harder. Me or Virgil? I don’t know anymore. But if anything, this is far from a land of milk and honey. Whatever V’s hacking.

I’ve been quite the busy bee cleaning up after him. What about my messes? Everything!

I think of you in the rare moments of peace when there’s a brief quiet between Virgil’s crying and coughing. Your words, sometimes comforting, sometimes biting, echo in my head. Am I blaming you for my reading Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations? Some of it is noise, and some is nothing, Ha-Ha. And then there’s what I need to hear. I’ve copied far too many quotes, Braxton.

Death by a thousand cuts. Or bites, whatever. Speaking of which, I should go and live outside right now. With Virgil being the way he is, your granddad, too. Are you out there, Little Braxton?

At least I wouldn’t be breaking anything else. And you know how I feel about being on my knees… Well, no! The only girl here you liked was your honorary aunt. She wouldn’t have minded. Looking at her, Cherry, M Anime, for a stepmom, Braxton…

Some girl that would rock me like a hurricane. A girl that is a hurricane. A Bullet With Butterfly Wings… I’m sorry for all the musical references. But again, Braxton, there’s so much noise. I thought I said I couldn’t hear you, and then you sent me such a title.

Yesterday, while at the Day Job, I was thinking about the worst sounds in existence. There’s the last breath you took. There’s every breath I take. It’s breathing, in general. Pretty much Then laughter. Let’s not forget making myself moan. But butterflies flapping their wings… Somewhere, one flapped, and Virgil caught a bug. I’m flipping through book pages. And what the Hell is that smell! It all bugs me. Without you… Buzzing B Because Virgil…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Tell me that I could have Braxton back, and what thing would I give up. The phone, my por… my relationship collection. How about having an Enormous… uh. Well, I’m sure the Future Wife would miss that. But They’ll B Things, Virgil

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I love you. Much like “I am happy.” Such words do not come cheap or…

At all. When was the last time I told Braxton I love him? I’ve been more inclined to talk about time travel. Today’s Tuesday, May 21, 2024. By now, it’s been 1213 days without him.

And how many days since there’s been no word about him? I’m sure I screwed up somewhere down the line. It’s why his bed, toys, bowls, medicine, and comfy spots remain. My son’s things. I’m still mad about the very floor he once walked. Flooded. I wore glasses that finally gave up the ghost and broke. So now it’s like I have to see things as brand new. Even the DISH Network service he watched is gone. Yet another humiliation.

Watching wrestling and “other” things. The secrets I’ve tried keeping.

Not that I miss Braxton. Or that Virgil and I haven’t bonded in 654 days. How about the fact that our marriage, my love…? You and me, always and forever. Nothing changes that. How about the fact that I miss my Braxton so much? It makes me want you more.

It’s Physical Touch, Touch Starvation, Touch Deprivation, or my favorite, “Skin Hunger.” But I’ve said, “Everybody know I’m a… monster.” Zombie from S. Wolf’s novel.

And I believe I’ve had a revelation, my love. You know the things I want to do to you, baby girl. “I Want’a Do Something Freaky To You.” That is a secret kept from Braxton.

I once heard that when you want knowledge, money, success, or whatever, as badly as you want air. It is then that you’ll have it.

Only I can’t imagine wanting anything more than my son back. And to lose everything that I have seen my son tirelessly defend. The fence, the house, all of my little Braxton’s things, my love.

It’s why I deny myself. Everything, old and new, borrowed and blue. Haven’t I been saying I don’t feel like much of a man lately? But I’m your man. Again, always and forever. My love.

But the present is the thing. Love is a gift. A thought of caring like, Happy Birthday Cherry! The things I wanted from her. What I want from you, love. And V. To be happy.

We get that ourselves. The thing is, my Braxton’s still gone. They’ll B Things, Virgil.

1213 Days Without B III, Day 654 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will