Tag: Writing

Meditation 359 ~B’s Are Helpful, Virgil~

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I can’t say I’m another worker bee in the hive. Despite working on a book, taking care of Braxton’s little brother, Virgil, or basically getting out of bed. But there’s a beautiful girl; I want to honor B. If I keep buzzing… “B’s Are Helpful, Virgil”

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

Meditation 359 ~B’s Are Helpful, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But is it helpful to be reminded of that today and every Sunday? The things I should do…

I should call Norton for one. I should be protecting myself. There are other jobs, Inspector. But instead, I’ll pop some painkillers. I could go all Lester Burman and say, “I was whacking off! That’s right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying ‘hi’ to my monster!” to some American Beauty. Choking the chicken to a Puerto Rican goddess. That would be Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. As long as Puerto Rico is still part of the U.S.A. Eff MAGA and FDT! I could also take a nap, Inspector Echo. However, the fact is that none of this would be helpful. I mourn Braxton.

Hell! I was editing Braxton’s book today, but how does that help? Bleeding, broken, broke.

I can read all about how if the bees go extinct, humanity is done. But what can I do, Echo?

I could have made B’s in school rather than D’s and F’s. Would my “life” be any better, Inspector? Could I have saved my Braxton? Or provide a better life for Little Virgil lying here. And what about any two-legged children that came along? Again, I think about M Anime. A woman who wants me, and I can’t even stand myself. My head hurts, Echo.

Braxton always had a way to make things better. At least less scary, Dear Inspector.

Didn’t I say FEAR is helpful? Currently, it’s overwhelming unless it’s going to take me to my boy. Death doesn’t scare me. But creating life.

M Anime called me a Demiurge yesterday. I always pictured myself more of a Necromancer type. But the knowledge that makes me feel good is a rarity. These days, most of what I know scares me. And then with the unknown, bullies, bills, bucks. But then there’s Boobs/yabbos, beauty, and always bed. These B’s are everywhere. Just like my boys

But then again, there’s no B in HELP, FEAR, or EXISTENCE because I failed, Inspector.

Life is “Bloodsport,” Inspector. But I’m not buff. “Where Is My Mind?” My brain. And again, the greatest B of them all. My son, my Braxton. This isn’t helpful, Inspector.

Breathing and buzzing. Yet hoping to sting M Anime her first time. Um, you know, me. B’s Are Helpful, Virgil.

1606 Days Without B III, Day 1047 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 356 ~Braxton IS WOKE, Virgil~

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My boys are from Mexico (originally). American citizens, but lacking opposable thumbs makes voting difficult. Their potential stepmom? I hope she stays safe. Should I hop the pond and visit Cherry? Escaping the Orange clown. “Braxton IS WOKE, Virgil”

Sunday, June 22, 2025

Meditation 356 ~Braxton IS WOKE, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I’m far from the one keeping you “awake and alive” In Your Eyes. Where is Braxton?

Easier question. Where is Virgil? You didn’t wake up crying thanks to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. But yes, you did cry a little later. But again, Virgil.

Well, he had breakfast and was in such a rush to get back to “your” room he promptly puked all over the carpet. Eww! “Better out than in, I always say.” But I’m not Shrek.

That’s like saying you aren’t Peter Gabriel. How about Post Malone or Swae Lee as in “Sunflower”? You’re thinking about songs to send, M Anime. Oh! Make sure you add Lonely No More to The Red Sash playlist. You care for her as I did. You knew Braxton for fifteen years. How about M Anime? Longer than Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Spring Break: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem, Dirk Knight
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 031, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 038 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This is one reason you’re WOKE. You have a firm grasp of history. If only firmer than that of you “choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying “hi” to (your) monster!” American Beauty? Don’t let MAGA hear you say that… Choking the chicken.

Your best friend is a black woman with a wife. M Anime’s your possible girlfriend and your boys’ potential stepmom, and she’s Puerto Rican, not that it matters to MAGA. And you like Cherry’s big melons, plus she’s English. And you could have a fantasy between M Anime and Cherry because you have nothing against lesbians. Progressive, liberal, leftist, democrat. Whatever! You’re WOKE. You don’t want to be WOKE… Excuse me, you don’t want to be awake. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING As yet to be determined
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 038, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Yeah, they still aren’t getting done. Hell! How many days have I missed? The 1600th day since Braxton departed. Juneteenth? And here I go, cursing you with one more day down of “Black and White People.” No, my friend, you have woken up today, and much like Ed Sheeran, you can sing out “I See Fire.” All thanks to that orange menace in the White House, Trump. FDT! Eff MAGA! Eff ICE! Eff all the people that continue to allow these atrocities, asinine tragedies, and these a**hole problems. What about you? Whose side you’d take.

If there is something good, “Somewhere Out There,” “Keep careful watch of my brothers’ souls.” Protect “your” women. And as for you? STAY ALIVE!” “STAY WOKE!” Braxton IS WOKE, Virgil

“All my life, I’ve lived by a code, and the code is simple: honor the gods, love your woman, and defend your country.”
Troy (2004)

1603 Days Without B III, Day 1044 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 355 ~V With Envy, Braxton~

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Ignorance is strength. But I wouldn’t dare call myself a wise man despite reading daily. I’ve been into 1984 lately, but I started “Seven Days in June.” My mind isn’t eased. My Virgil, Braxton, and how scared I am. I envy peace. V With Envy, Braxton.

Saturday, June 21, 2025

Meditation 355 ~V With Envy, Braxton~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Then why am I not HAPPY? FDT! Eff Elon Musk! Eff MAGA. Yet I am effed!

Effed enough that I was having nightmares about my piddly ass Day Job, Lady Luna.

Honestly, I thought I was late. I even woke up afterward and had to check the effing schedule. Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed or what? There’s the side where I could get a drink, Braxton might lick my nose, or I make a pretty, pretty girl all wet, Lu.

Instead, I’m usually sweating; if I’m lucky, I’ve had a “wet dream” about Braxton and Virgil’s M Anime… More on her later. Or I wake up in tears. And while I continue to mourn for my firstborn son, Braxton. It’s FEAR more than anything that brings me tears, Lady Lunalesca. Either that or effing exhaustion.

I know I should stop saying effing. I envy my second-born son, Virgil. He doesn’t have to worry about such a word. Because my boy’s a dog? What does he have to bellyache about? Oh, that’s right, Lady Lunalesca, he’s got no balls. That was not my doing, dear Lu.

I took him as is. Previously owned. This explains why he has no mind of his own. And when was this again? Saturday, August 13, 2022. Virgil’s Gotcha Day. I live on Sunday, January 31, 2021, between 3:30 to 4:00 PM. Braxton’s Last Ride, Lunalesca.

I envy both of my sons. Braxton, when he left my side for the Rainbow Bridge. And Virgil’s last few minutes behind a cage before I ruined his life forever.

“Forever and always, I’m always here.” I’m not Jimi Jamison, and this isn’t Baywatch. But “I’m Always Here” For M Anime? By the time my Boricua queen visits me, she won’t be anything like Kiriko Ragawa from “Depravity.” And me, the beefy Lifeguard lead… Ha!

That’s one more fantasy I have for M Anime and I. But how will I make it to December, Lady Lunalesca? I already can’t stand today when every moment is like I’m playing T.O.N.E.Z, “I’m ON THE RUN fam, all eyes on me. Either walk or fly. I’m ready to die,” hmm. And I wish I were still talking about M Anime. But Virgil somehow survives. He lives, going on 1043 Days. Envying such FEARFUL ignorance. V With Envy, Braxton.

1602 Days Without B III, Day 1043 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 354 ~B After Reading Virgil~

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I don’t want to read about clocks, account balances, or the latest scams. I don’t want to read about the fate of the U.S.A., what to fear, or if a text is legit. There’s writing the deeds of evil men or the loss of good boys. “B After Reading Virgil”

Friday, June 20, 2025

Meditation 354 ~B After Reading Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But I don’t wanna. What? Read, Write, Live. Today, I’m still “Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal.”

Well, more sick. I’m a forty-year-old man. But “I wish I’d been a wish I’d been a teen, Teen Idle.” A prom KING, for sure. But I continue writing and reading about a dead furry prince, my firstborn son Braxton. And Virgil, who is one accident away from “The End.”

Only I’m just getting started on Braxton’s novel “My Turn To B III.” Lo and behold, I made it to the Dining Room table yesterday and actually got through 5,000 words yesterday, my lady. 400 to Braxton and 4600 in memory of his life. Is there a sign that reads, The Rainbow Bridge, or do pets only infer that’s where they are? They see color and suddenly become literate as well. Our failures as humans.

This is why I see myself siding with MAGA. Eff No! FDT! But in the present moment, I wouldn’t mind living in Ray Bradbury’s “Fahrenheit 451” I want to see Bills, Buttons, and Billions burn. Because I got nothing. Nothing but words that I think will lead me to my…

There is no B in Salvation, Freedom, or P*ssy. I have Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom for that. And must I be so crass? Lady Sophia, I’m willing to read anything that doesn’t make me sick to my stomach. Only a few moments ago, when I should have gotten up, I was worried about the sound of the phone. Best friend or worse enemy. Everything.

I might as well participate in King’s “The Long Walk.”

The bank account. WARNING! Norton. WARNING! Virgil’s Health. WARNING. After?

Well, I can read about what I am. My boys’ potential stepmom, M Anime, pleads with me to accept that she thinks highly of me. I’m a great listener and kind, and I love my boys and pretty much all furry buddies; she’s crazy comfortable with me. We’re just alike.

Honestly, two halves of a soul. And yet she gives Kim Petras a run for her money. And I get to read about and write about Ariela, Ariella Ferrara, Destiny (Cuban Maid), and Violet Myers. They got nothing on my would-be very real girl. But I have words. The man I need to be is somewhere in the words. Having to B After Reading Virgil.

1601 Days Without B III, Day 1042 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 353 ~B’s Take Flight, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Am I allergic to bees? I’ve never been stung. Feeling petrified or in pain, and my “Enormous P.” It springs up, and I don’t know what to do. A lie. But I’d rather let it all go. But something is constantly raising me up. B’s Take Flight, Virgil.

Thursday, June 19, 2025

Meditation 353 ~B’s Take Flight, Virgil~

1600 Days Without B III, Day 1041 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I don’t know how I’m feeling right this second. You and Virgil’s potential stepmom texted…

But last night was pretty effing terrible! LANGUAGE! And no, not because of her, B. Honestly, Braxton, you hated… How can I put this? EVERYONE! But you want me happy.

How dare I ask you to bark out Third Eye Blind’s “I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend” Third Eye Blind? B III? I swear Braxton Barks the things I remember.

I don’t want to remember last night. Why? Well, I fell asleep soon after catching up with NXT. So, the lights were on, and a show was playing, and your little brother, Virgil, had “snuck up” beside me. So I’m turning the lights off at 1:00 AM. Then like Squid Game’s Seong Gi-hun, I listen, hear, and understand this thought… cue his face I’m Effed!

Next thing you know, I’m scared, sobbing, the effing screaming inside my effing head, B.

Yes, yes, LANGUAGE, but there’s a reason your ashes rest above all my miniature armory. At that moment, son, I was (Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal. I haven’t felt that close to you in a bit. And that’s what you were doing last night, biting me, pulling me away from that drawer. I swear I could hear the angel wings on your back, Little B.

But I also imagined your potential stepmom, M Anime. Lying there in the dark, I started compiling a playlist for her. “Ain’t Nobody” Chaka Khan! “Doin’ It.” “Footsteps in the Dark.” I know, Ew! Don’t you want siblings with two legs? And M Anime’s Yabbos…

But thinking about being the first man that will “sting” her, if you know what I mean. B, you don’t want to know. If I’m on top of her, I’m not falling into my grave. And thinking of her moaning, crying, and screaming. Somehow, it stopped my tossing and turning.

Virgil wakes me up, so I know I got some sleep. And next thing you know, I’m rushing him outside so he can go to the bathroom. If only Virgil were more like you, Braxton. Seriously, I still want to be like you. But I can’t hurt you, M Anime and V like that ever.

“What was it like, the luxury of not hurting?”
Seven Days in June, Tia Williams

Did you go to Heaven to hold me up? M Anime above me. Walking with Virgil. B’s Take Flight, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 352 ~Addicts Up, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve been addicted to many things in “my” life. My mattress, my mutts (Braxton Barks was purebred). Anyway, there are also melons. But what am I moaning about today? What am I addicted to? FEAR. So my boys rise. Ante Up. “Addicts Up, B, V.”

Wednesday, June 18, 2025

Meditation 352 ~Addicts Up, B, V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I called my boys “addicts,” as in druggies. If Braxton and Virgil are addicted to anything, it’s life.

Then why did B III have heart medication when he needed something for his kidneys?

Who knew? It took around $500 for the vets to figure that out. And on Sunday, January 31, 2021, my firstborn son was dead. Addicted to the misery, ain’t I, Inspector. And don’t even get me started on the money. My boys are priceless. But yes, I have been worried about money lately. My fault. But I was talking to B and V’s potential stepmom.

We spoke about feelings, and as always, the one that dominates me when I “Step Into A World” is FEAR. Maybe listening to KRS-One will stop me from screaming, Inspector.

My boy, my Braxton, is dead, euthanized. And then there’s Virgil puking up his meds.

What was it I said yesterday? As Blessid Union of Souls put it, “I Believe” love is the answer. My boys, the beauties in my life, and dammit, will I finish a book! I’m sleepy.

Inspector, I miss energy shots, but I’m still reeling from my last binge. I was taking one a day, and do I really need skull-splitting headaches, the soreness in every part of my body, and the sin of wasting time? Hell! The money would have me quit, Cold Turkey. SIGH.

Inspector, again, that has my stomach doing flip-flops. But while I’m FEARFUL of what’s going on inside my body, what about some online shenanigans. M Anime, she’s the potential stepmom, is worried about Google. Then there’s Norton, ISPs, and updates.

I don’t want to be awake to worry about any of this. I love sleep more than I love success, and that’s why I’m here. Sitting in bed naked because the only thing I succeed in is getting an erection. Ew. “Addicted To Love.” If you want to call it that, Inspector Echo. To her?

M Anime. You’re Goddamn Right! But someone said it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. So while I’m locked in… “Hopelessly Devoted.”

Between thinking of M Anime and Cherry together… Jane from SeeJaneGoTV showcases her incredible melons. And Jahara Jayde cosplaying as Rikku. I’m a “Creep” Inspector.

Addicted to my boys’ lives, life-givers, and would-be Milfs. My life? Addicts Up, B, V.

1599 Days Without B III, Day 1040 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 349 ~Down To V, Braxton~

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“Happy Father’s Day.” Braxton never said it, but I felt it. And Virgil? As I was off to have lunch with B’s Fav Gal and her wifey, I let the word love slip. Virgil’s my son, too. But what kind of father am I in that effort. Already Down To V, Braxton

Sunday, June 15, 2025

Meditation 349 ~Down To V, Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Happy Father’s Day. But I don’t see an A+, Dad. In fact, I’m all but approaching V.

And you? And U? Your week has only just begun, and what do you have to show for it, hmm? You, me, damn, forty years of predecessors can all sing the tune “We’ve Only Just Begun.” You couldn’t even get it up to eat a cereal bar and have a cup of cappuccino this morning. Do you even have cappuccino? My bad. I was out with B’s Fav Gal yesterday.

Honestly, I built up a lunch with her and her new wifey to be as bad as watching B die.

Yes, “Anxiety,” as Doechii put it. Nothing will ever be as bad as watching Braxton’s… Euthanasia, passing, homegoing? Braxton was home. Or at least that’s something daddies do. Build? A Man Provides… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 17, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 031 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And yet, I was having a hard enough time providing conversation with B’s Fav Gal.

Seriously, the lunch was good. And you have something to eat today. You’re welcome, ha!

How about, you’re welcome to put forth more of an effort. Because you’ll shut your eyes tonight and ask, “Well, how did I get here?” And that hurts more than looking at yourself and all the mean, moronic musings of who you were hours before. Same as it ever was.

Nine hours, to be exact. And don’t forget that at some point today, you have to talk to your Old Man. Will some forty-something so and so ever have to speak to you? Daddy? Braxton?

Kidney failure, fatigue, just effed up. Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Spring Break: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem, Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 031, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Why not add being the Daddy that Virgil deserves. Before you go off singing, you’re “The Only One For Me” to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. Why not tell her… Better show her SIGH “I can be the man you need me to be.” Someone you can be proud of.

Because you’re better than the orange that’s sitting in the Oval Office now. Always ‘FDT!”
The Founding Fathers. Eff the “NFFA” New Founding Fathers. Is there a Dad you respect? You feel such and such a way about yours. But you’re sitting here. Effing bum.

Being a father, to have little ones call you ‘Daddy,’ or again, the potential stepmom, M Anime, your 1984 Julia. “Once In A Lifetime,” A+ effort. Down To V, Braxton.

1596 Days Without B III, Day 1037 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

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Is there ever a time not to be afraid? If I were to join my firstborn son, but he bought me four years. When I’m asleep. But I’m usually answering my boys’ potential stepmom. Their stepmom? BEING with her, I’m not fearful. “Braxton Buys Time Virgil.”

Saturday, June 14, 2025

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I should have all the time in the world. Braxton’s Favorite Girl. M Anime

But Braxton and his little brother Virgil. The past and the present. But Braxton, Firstborn.

And I stole his life. Stop It! I got more than enough on my plate today. Soon to be literally.

Only, I want to focus on Sunday, January 31, 2021. 1595 Days ago. And I wish I could say that’s why I was crying today. The past few days, I’ve woken up in tears, Lunalesca.

Braxton’s passing shouldn’t serve as relief from that. Yet it buys me time every now and again, so I don’t dwell on life. When did I start referring to it as ‘life’ rather than ‘existence’?

Lady Lunalesca, most days, I would prefer neither. But who would remember my B III? And Virgil is here too.

This brings us to today. You wonder why I’ve been focused on George Orwell’s “1984.” M Anime, my Julia. And here, Lunalesca, I have created my Ministry of Love. Present.

“‘Julia! Julia! Julia, my love! Julia!'”
1984 by George Orwell

Someday, maybe. But that comes later. Today is the U.S. Army’s 250th Anniversary. It’s Trump’s Birthday. FDT!!! It’s No Kings Day. I wish I could get all political Luna, truly.

My present, though… I’m going to see Braxton’s Favorite Girl and her new pretty wife. Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And while she’s Braxton’s Favorite, his aunt, and damn near a sister to me. I’m afraid not of her but of everything. I’ve had 1595 Days to find courage.

Am I brave yet? Have I published a book? Did I make a buck? Nope!

My future, It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on… M Anime. Seriously Lunalesca! TMI!! But “She Drives Me Crazy” being so “Sexy.” What happened to the love songs?

There’s time to do it all, with my Day Job being what it is. And M Anime, aka Julia, aka Braxton, and Virgil’s potential stepmom; she’s working her heart out to come and visit me.

Braxton bought me time to find her. And who knows. Braxton could have wanted a human upgrade. I’ve said it before; I figured he would be reincarnated. He’s not Virgil.

Another Braxton in my future. If M Anime/Julia and I; if “We Found Love” in a hopeless place. That’s my present, hopeless. And to escape FEAR… Braxton Buys Time Virgil

1595 Days Without B III, Day 1036 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 347 ~It’ll B Written, Virgil~

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When I was a boy, I cried over everything. What am I now? Something, someone who is afraid all the time. My Braxton is still gone, but it wasn’t him or the book I was reading. Blasted allergies? Or what’s become of the U.S.A? It’ll B Written, Virgil.

Friday, June 13, 2025

Meditation 347 ~It’ll B Written, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Friday the 13th. Happy Friday the 13th, though we do get a couple. So much blood.

“Yes, there will be blood.”

I’m more a fan of John Kramer, aka Jigsaw, than Jason Voorhees. Jigsaw could explain why I was crying today? Then Jason has the whole John Wick thing going for him. A man/monster of focus, commitment, and sheer will. This “Will” doesn’t have that. Guts!

But I still have my son’s blood on my hands. My poor Braxton, my firstborn. With the stroke of a pen, I ended his life on the “day of our lord” Sunday, January 31, 2021.

Seriously, Sophia, they talk about how long it takes for serial killers to get going. Saturday, August 13, 2022, with another pen, I “rescued” Braxton’s little brother Virgil. “How to Save a Life?” Give me sweat, blood, and tears and not ink. That comes later.

FEAR of sweat, blood, and tears? I’m not a hard worker, hard enough, considering what I’ve accomplished today. “Here and Now,” it’ll be written that I was crying while reading.

Can’t I save the love songs for Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. Or shall I call her Julia from “1984.” My Lenina from “Brave New World.” Is she Lorinda from “It Can’t Happen Here?” How about I-330 from “We?” Where am I going with all this other than ideas of dystopian sex? I feel like Winston. I’m weak like Bernard but want to be the Savage. I want to write like Doremus. And I’m a victim, liar, traitor like D-503. A man, ha! All these books, Sophia, they’re all I have to make sense of my identity now. To alliveate the fears of…

A well-read something or other lying with M Anime, someday.

My Julia, as she told me this morning that when we meet for the first time, she should wear some blue coveralls and the red sash of “The Junior Anti-Sex League.” We make plans all the time in texts. All of it is designed to look like ink. Kindle books, love letters, coding, etc. Yet I can’t write out an honest answer. Why was I crying over a book, hm?

Sophia, the book was Spring Break: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem (Harem University Book 6) by Dirk Knight. No, I was not crying over that. Not even over Braxton.

FEAR grips me sometimes. Hell, like grief over my son always and forever. Writing life. Mine? What’s it saying? The End… It’ll B Written, Virgil

1594 Days Without B III, Day 1035 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

WillLeave a comment

B was grounded in the present. The warmth of Grandma’s Hands. My sister’s purse… No. And cuddled up to his Favorite Girl’s yabbos. Then I had to explain the birds and the bees jargon to him. Uh “D*cks and Vag*nas. Yet Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

Thursday, June 12, 2025

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

1593 Days Without B III, Day 1034 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sorry I’m late. My mind has been “Everything, Everywhere All at Once.” Movie references?

I’m late, and at the same time, it’s too early. But at least I haven’t been crying over you, B.

Not in this universe, at least. Half the time, I’m sweating up a storm. I have to walk your little brother. I’m worried about his health. Didn’t the Doc say that he’s okay? His teeth?

That’s another reason I’m sweating, “For The Love of Money.” And no, Braxton, I haven’t been around the Day Job all that much. But that doesn’t mean Virgil’s life has been any easier. The thoughts that must be running in your brother’s head. FEAR? Uncertainty? And if I told you everything that’s scaring me these days, my son. Again, Everything, Everywhere All at Once. We wouldn’t talk about your stepmom.

You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, that is. M Anime. But I might have to start calling her Julia. Do I know any women with that name? Cowboy Bebop codename Julia.

Honestly, Braxton, I’ve been thinking about Julia from George Orwell’s novel “1984.” She is my Julia, and I’m Winston Smith. Or at least I feel that way in body and spirit. But again, I’m not crying. If anything, I’m ready to leak a whole other bodily fluid. I know… Gross!

Not something you want to hear from your old man, your best friend. Your brother.

However, Braxton, your worst FEAR could be realized. Ain’t a woman alive that could take my Braxton’s place believe that. Dear Mama, more like Dear Braxton, always and forever son.

Then, why was I late? And what do I intend to do to make it right? I can’t fail again.

Nope! Let’s not go into the moral ambiguity of your Euthanasia, or I’ll start bawling.

Though, for the record, I’m sure there is a universe where you level twenty. Seriously? Braxton, I can see you watching over your siblings while Julia and I… Well, M Anime might not like me using that name, but I’m thinking about starting a playlist of all the songs she sends me. I’ll call it “The Red Sash” again from 1984. But my Julia, geez!

Building a life with her, with Virgil. A life where “I’ll always see you soar above the sky.” Faith Hill, Braxton? Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad