Tag: Manhood

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

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Jeez, Loueez, this was hard to write. Harder to sculpt? And here I am hard as a rock, Eww! Because the girl who came close to Dear Future Wife, well… I haven’t spoken to her in over a month. Virgil makes better ‘art’ on our walks. Virgil’s Art Gets B

Tuesday, September 23, 2025

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s the original—the Masterpiece. Idea, concept, You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration. But WTF!

And no, I don’t mean what happened on Sunday, August 24, 2025. I’m not even talking about my ‘war on negativity,’ meaning I’m going to lie to you after 150 words or so, my love. More like I’m going to lie to myself, but whatever. Whatever gets us to FOREVER.

But how? As you saw above, Teddy Pendergrass was a singer. I’d like to call myself an artist. A writer. Hell! On my best day, I’m playing Contagion’s Alan Krumwiede:

“Blogging is not writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.”
Contagion (2011)

Conspiracy theories take lots of creativity. But “This Love” that Avion Blackman sang of has only now come under fire. Never with my boys, Braxton and Virgil, but you love…

That makes me sadder than anything. And I’d ask Can You Love Me Again, however…

(takes a deep breath, smiles) “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Well, summer is ending, and I know I’ll need more time with you. So I write books. But I’d write you songs as well, asking for “Five More Minutes,” as if I were the Jonas Brothers. I’m sure Braxton and Virgil would help, barking… behind the door. What memories Mommy and Daddy would make. You and I in front of the camera. Modern cinema beats “MotionMuse AI.”

A real director, a producer of our family, with you. That is, if I can ever get moving. But I’m “Like A Stone,” just looking at you. Are you Medusa? And here I wanted so badly to be a sculptor. An image of you etched…

Forever in my heart. But when you get wet enough… No, my love, I’m not grossed out today or ever really when it comes to painting a woman’s desires. Dreams. “My City of Ruins,” because I “Only Wanna Be With You.” Weaving out bodies together as long as I am able. I swear I was reading “Augmenting the First Date (Tales of the Magic Glasses Book Four)” by Neil Bimbeau this morning. And you know how I don’t buy coincidences.

Forty-One (Ben-Hur Drums beat). Love given like candy—baked goods. But in my heart, there is always writing. Loving my boys, our other children, and you. I’m no art aficionado… But could you be “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World?” Virgil’s Art Gets B.
1696 Days Without B III, Day 1137 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 083 ~To B On First~

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I’ve never been first in anything except being in the back of a girl’s car, and me putting on a condom for the first time as a cute brunette hopped on top of me. I always feel like I’m in the way. Baseball sucks, and now the WWE. But “To B On First.”

Monday, September 22, 2025

Journey 083 ~To B On First~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And “I’m ready to play today.” I know we weren’t really sports guys, except for the Olympics and wrestling.

Wrestlepalooza? That’s the most negative thing you’ll hear from me today, Daddy.

Wanting to play “Centerfield,” the John Fogerty song, not the actual position. Seriously.

I wasn’t one for chasing balls around. My little brother Virgil definitely won’t be either. The first athlete in our family. Nope! I wasn’t even the first dog. But I was… I am honored to be your firstborn son. And since you are my father, I hope you don’t mind…

You know the new rule for yourself, not to be so sad about me. About EVERTHING! Wrestlepalooza is one of many worries you have. I’m not here to add another.

Honestly, I’m not one for motivational barks either. “Everything Is Awesome!” No, Dad, but you are awesome. I love you.

I’m not the first one to say that… But you’ve been thinking about first or thirst. Can I say Eww! I’m not knocking your taste, Dad. There was my favorite girl, M Anime, and others.

We’ll get there. But what about the first time you were FREE, that you had no FEAR, and that you truly felt, this is FINE? Your senior year of high school, for a few minutes. Dad, I didn’t know you back then. I wasn’t even born. But you told me. That sitting on the foot of the bed, keeping you safe, was a taste of that. I’m the first LIFE to make you feel safe.

And you did the same. For fifteen years, you were my hero. Nothing has changed.

Ask Virgil? You might not have been the first to give him a home, but you were the first to make him a son, your child. Virgil of the House of Bradford, Braxton Barks Bradford. The Sons of Bradford. Hell! The Sons and Daughters, maybe. You weren’t M Anime’s first time, Eww! But you are the first who will cost her happiness, because I know the man you are, my father, the man you ought to be. Barking, “I think I like this little life.”

Someday, one day, day one, when will be the first day you meet the man I know, my father? I mean, not like that girl, your first time, seeing Tenchi Muyo or softcore porn. Loving yourself. To B On First.

“You really are a good dad.” I shrugged. “Have to be. He doesn’t have a mom.”
Babysitter Harem: Mia; Age Gap MFFF by Kelli Wolfe

“Is the father to be saved by the wounds of the son?”
― The Aeneid

1695 Days Without B III, Day 1136 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

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My best moments: Closing the door to the world. Covering myself in bed. Climbing out of my clothes… Um, Eww? Don’t we all? Better being here than being misplaced out there, existing. But my boys deserve freedom. People? Misplacing Braxton and Virgil.

Thursday, September 18, 2025

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

1691 Days Without B III, Day 1132 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Am I sure I don’t have to work today? Your grandpa isn’t coming over?

As always, I would rather give GRIEF a seat at my table than FEAR. My table, that’s funny. Does the table I’m not working at even have legs? It remains to be seen, Baby B.

I’m in no hurry to go downstairs. I’m an effing FREE man at “Forty-One” (Cue the Ben-Hur galley drums). But I told your grandpa once all I wanted was a room with a bath, a mini-fridge, a microwave, and a bed. Braxton, I have a whole house! Am I ungrateful?

Goodness, no! What I am doing is thinking—you and your little brother Virgil. Really?

Well, Braxton, I am imagining you lying beside me. Your brother is right here, sleeping.

So what exactly has been misplaced? I woke up. LIFE!

My entire damn existence! Excuse me, B. “Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.” Bullet with Butterfly Wings. I’m “In My Place,” Braxton—our place for a bit longer.

How long ago was it that Coldplay and a CEO cheating on his wife was the biggest thing B III? Have you seen what MAGA and the Cracker Hats have done? I swear, little Braxton.

But you and I were content in 2020 when everything was on lockdown. Good Times.

Everyone else was singing about “Hard Times,” like they were auditioning for the group Paramore. Speaking of which, the hot Visual Lady at the Day Job said I’m very eclectic.

My music, you know, Braxton. I should stop saying that.

My anything! What the eff belongs to me? Do you remember your grandpa buying you?

I’ll be sounding like a Cracker Hat in a minute because they tend to forget that owning someone’s life is wrong. And like them, they think they have misplaced what’s not theirs, my son. I’m no thief. I did steal your life and your brother’s. And again, your Dad’s what?

I gave my heart to M Anime, so I can’t say that it was misplaced. Now trust and coherent thought. I dropped those somewhere to keep a hold of my… Eww. All for Cherry’s t*ts.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Time misplaced, and I don’t need to go outside for that. I prefer “My Own Prison” and “Like A Stone” alone. Misplacing Braxton and Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 078 ~B Brave, V Valiant~

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My boys are braver than M Anime and I. Braxton and Virgil survived me… Well, Braxton did fifteen years anyway. And I’ve done forty-one years when it comes to my Old Man. I can’t talk to him, and M Anime wouldn’t speak to me. “B Brave, V Valiant”

Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Journey 078 ~B Brave, V Valiant~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I haven’t lived up to the expectations of my boys. Virgil? Valiant? Really? While we’re on the subject…

I’ve explained how Virgil got his name, 2-V. Virgil for Dante’s Guide through Hell, i.e., myself. It’s also for Virgil Hawkins a.k.a. Static, a superhero. His middle name comes from Vivi the Black Mage of Final Fantasy IX. It was almost Victor. He always wins.

However, the name 2-V comes from 2B/2E, the black and white protagonist of NieR: Automata. Again, another warrior. I’m no warrior, Echo. Nor am I a wizard or a writer.

Ha! Inspector, I don’t even bother to check my book’s standing with Amazon, “My Turn To B III.” That’s the lesser of many fears I have. Inspector, what’s the biggest? The one thing I want to be and the one who scares me the most. A father. My father. Inspector.

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Most of last week and this one has been readying for Thursday. I’m “Forty-One” dammit! As always, cue up the Ben-Hur drums of the galley slaves. The same boat, Inspector?

Nope. I feel like that child I was… Please, I’m still a child. Anyway, I’m sitting in my Olds car, going to get my ass beat for whatever. Today, it’s destroying the house they bought.

Well, not really. Bugs? Builders? A lack of BUCKS? Or me being the VILLAIN that I am, Echo. My attempts at violence. Or my lack of a voice. I’ve said nothing of all this, Echo.

Why? One would have to be brave and valiant. Super Mario? Inspector, Toad would say:

“Thank you (Will)! But our princess is in another castle!”

Anywhere but here. Something M Anime and I agree on.

How would I know? Next week marks a month since I last talked to her. I’m no Alpha. I’m not sure I’ll live to see next week. “Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow.”

“Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide an evil mind
Oh, be careful what you say
Or you’ll give yourself away
Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow.”
Secret Agent Man ― Johnny Rivers

Inspector, does this make me a “Secret Agent Man?” It makes me an “Ordinary Human.”

But “I want to be brave and selfless and intelligent and honest and kind.” Only I’m “Dead In The Water.” For those playing our home game, there’s “The Giver,” “Divergent,” and an Ellie Goulding reference all rolled together—the things I will miss, Inspector. STOP!

Thursday will come, and I owe B III and 2-V. Children owe parents nothing, Inspector. Braxton is owed all I am. But my Old Man… Gulp. B Brave, V Valiant

“Let me tell you something. I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you’re supposed to do! Because you brought me into this world. And from that day, you owed me everything you could ever do for me, like I will owe my son if I ever have another. But you don’t own me! You can’t tell me when or where I’m out of line, or try to get me to live my life according to your rules. You don’t even know what I am, Dad, you don’t know who I am. You don’t know how I feel, what I think. And if I tried to explain it the rest of your life you will never understand.”
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967)

1690 Days Without B III, Day 1131 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 077 ~Aisles B, V, M~

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Holding my boys’ leashes, holding my woman’s hand, holding my kids who can’t walk yet. Hell! I would settle for holding enough cash to afford a proper meal. But I’m busy holding all this FEAR because it’s not selling. Like my book ha… Aisles B, V, M.

Tuesday, September 16, 2025

Journey 077 ~Aisles B, V, M~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Enough to take “The Long Walk” down the aisle to wait for you. I’m waiting.

“I had hoped we could have made it [to] the altar.” M Anime, Aug 24th

You’re waiting. Still waiting for me to stop playing Charlie Kirk. You know, saying STUPID sh*t about… How do THEY say these days, being “unalived?” I wonder if Inspector Echo thinks that a sin. Why should I care? I’m not a religious man, my love.

Once upon a time, I was an Atheist. Then I became a father for the first time. B III’s dad.

And as I contemplate the things I need to buy to save my life. My Old Man called. But I’ve been thinking about places where I feel Braxton’s soul the most. One of those places is an aisle in PetSmart, next to Virgil’s food and Banfield, where Braxton passed away.

Love, I should have joined him and not just watched.

I watched and waited and walked that aisle alone, carrying what was left of existence. And you walked down the aisle with or without your father. I’ve forgotten, maybe.

Beloved, all I know is you were coming to claim what I had left. All that I was willing to give to you freely. Is it too much? Today is Friday, September 12, 2025. Effing heavy.

Darling, I’ve been weighed down in this chair all day long except for emergencies. Ha! Again with “The Long Walk.” “He just kept picking them up and laying them down.”

Our kids, my feet, and I want to say my FEAR. No FEAR is the one thing I don’t need to shop for today. It’s free, unlike me. I can’t.

“You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.”
Daniel 5:27, The Book of Daniel

Even when I sit down to watch a movie. I hated my childhood, but to be as carefree as a kid again, going to Video Express or Blockbuster. Am I showing my age, “Forty-One” ha!

“Ben-Hur,” “The Long Walk,” and, to add a movie to the list, “Exit 8.” I’m “The Lost Man.” And I look at you going down every aisle, hallway, and threshold, and I close my eyes and wonder. Are you the anomaly? Should I turn around and run away, my love?

“Give me one reason to stay here, and I’ll turn right back around.” It’s what you’re singing to me. And even if I found that reason, is it diapers, milk, and bread, or a drink? Myself? Aisles B, V, M.

1689 Days Without B III, Day 1130 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 076 ~B FUR And After~

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Four years ago, I knelt to my son Braxton, who loved me. Before August 24th, I imagined a girl going down on me. Most days, I’m trying to keep Virgil’s head above water. And I want to lie down and never rise again. Thinking about B FUR And After

Monday, September 15, 2025

Journey 076 ~B FUR And After~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… The one who watched you while you slept. Creepy. The one in your arms when “The Man Comes Around.”

That’ll be Thursday. But BEFORE that, “Why do you cry?” “We’re all gonna die.” Uh…

Why must I be all creepy this morning? I am my father’s son. From Johnny Cash to Sufjan Stevens, “Fourth Of July,” and the Commodores’ “Easy.” It isn’t Sunday morning.

Seriously, it’s Monday. That means you’re awake. “Dammit!” That’s the thought that crossed your mind first thing. And then came the water works. I know you’re not crying over Neil Bimbeau’s book. Oh yeah, that’s one of those you wouldn’t read out loud to me, Dad. So I’ll ask again, why do you cry? I wish it were all my fur flying in your eyes.

But you’re afraid. And you can’t stay in our room forever. Me protecting you, Dad.

“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”
― Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars

The things we forget. “He Lives In You.” No, not grandpa. While talking, Star Wars:

“I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”
Luke

Yes, we were a SITH household, only isn’t this what we did before battles, Daddy?

Honestly, we would listen to the words of the warriors, writers, and winners. Because that is what you are to me, Dad. Even if you don’t believe it about yourself, yes, I heard you on Sunday while you were writing. And these past few days, you’ve been “touring” the house, this ship like the Enterprise, as if it’s going down. Well, it’s not the Titanic.

“It’s something of a tradition, Guinan. A Captain touring the ship before a battle.”
“Oh, before a hopeless battle, if I remember the tradition correctly.”
“Not necessarily. Nelson toured the HMS Victory before Trafalgar.”
“Yes, but Nelson never returned from Trafalgar, did he?”
“No, but the battle was won.”
Captain Picard and Guinan, Star Trek

We’re amongst the stars, Daddy. And you fear that you’ll never reach me. And I fear you’ll arrive before I’m ready. I left before you were ready—humans and timing.

“Just go on dancing with me like this forever, and I’ll never tire. We’ll scrape our shoes on the stars and hang upside down from the moon.”
The Long Walk

Yes, Sunday has come and gone. I know how you feel about Sundays. “Bloody Sunday.”

“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am.”
Bible

And not just because of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon. I kept you company, Dad.

Sunday, January 31, 2021, I stayed with you as long as I could. Comforting, seriously.

Daddy, I still don’t know what to say about M Anime. It’s been three weeks without her already. Would it sound any better to say that you were crying over her? “Stephani’s Sunday Symphony” has been blaring ever since you rose this morning. And Virgil?

Daddy, my baby brother needs you. Not just this morning. And yes, even after Thursday.
So be brave, Daddy. You were before. And be there for me, Virgil, yourself, and SOMEONE. B FUR And After.

“And only Lord knows when I’m coming to the crossroads.
So I don’t fear sh*t but tomorrow.”
Sucker For Pain

“Hold out, and save yourselves for kinder days.”
The Aeneid

1688 Days Without B III, Day 1129 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 072 ~B’s A Choice Virgil~

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I never feared losing M Anime. What part of everything did I not understand? I FEAR everything. But I chose to love my boys. Braxton only needed to eat “my” breakfast, and Virgil went potty in the right area. Their choices. “B’s A Choice Virgil”

Thursday, September 11, 2025

Journey 072 ~B’s A Choice Virgil~

1684 Days Without B III, Day 1125 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Nobody had a good day on Tuesday, September 11, 2001. You weren’t here for that.

Plus, your Dad is a selfish S.O.B. and pretty sick too. And I choose to be sad for myself today.

Instead of worrying that “This Is America.” “While my students would rather watch TV. America. America!” To think I can barely remember what we called MAGA and Cracker Hats in those days. I thought I chose not to talk about this. And that is what today is about. Choice. While pissing my life away, I remembered. Braxton, my son, you were the best choice I ever made. Yeah, like I didn’t catch you eating Waffles, or was it French Toast on the bed one morning? Of all the days, I knew you were my son. And you never left me.

No. I let you go.

Or I didn’t, which is why I’m sitting here crying. Sadness over everything, Little B.

Because you know what I can’t control. The reason I’ve been sick since, what, July? It’s FEAR! I am scared with every single breath I take, Braxton. I effing miss you, B! If you were behind me, eff everyone and everything that sought to do you any harm, my son.

There’s only one person I wish harm to today. Dangerous words from Virgil’s father. It’s why “I’m Still Standing.” It’s why you led me to your little brother, to Virgil. But I could say I was lazy too. And Virgil had some understanding of using the training pads, so that was less work, Braxton. Speaking of work… Money over everything!

Headlines? Drake? Eww! This morning I was busy “dreaming” of a Milf and no, not the woman I wanted as your stepmom, M Anime. No, it was Mama Butler/Alice Butler. Braxton, I don’t choose which pair of yabbos gets me going on any waking morning.

Honestly, you don’t want to hear about Alice or M Anime for that matter. Seriously.

Braxton, every choice I make is wrong. And the only option that’s left… Acquire currency.

But that’s not a choice to live. That’s a decision to stay alive. I don’t want one, and I have to do the other for you and little bro. It’s like a multiple choice test, and I guess and fail. And people keep telling me to stop choosing B. To stop choosing you. Other classes.

There are the yabbo sizes of M Anime, Alice, and @SeeJaneGoTV. And measuring my BBC?

Way wrong answer! But so is FEAR. I’ll choose Sadness for $500. If it only paid… B’s A Choice Virgil.

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice”.
After Earth

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 071 ~R&R Braxton and Virgil~

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Ahh! R&R. The Red Ribbon Army? I hated my childhood but getting to kick back and relax watching some Dragon Ball. Now I’m “Forty-One” and the Anime/Hentai Princess I had is gone. B’s R.I.P. And V doesn’t relax. “R&R Braxton and Virgil”

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

Journey 071 ~R&R Braxton and Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… E-Day has come and gone, “Forty-One.” But like Ben-Hur there is no rest and relaxation to be had.

Hell! I haven’t even had any of “my” E-Day cake. Though last year, Inspector. Eww! Honestly the cake was good. I’m only talking about myself as seen here. Leave it to M Anime to make me feel rejected. Once upon a time I would have gone all Matchbox Twenty’s Mad Season on her. “I feel stupid. But I think I’ve been catching on. I feel ugly. But I know that I still turn you on.” Lusting after me? No! But isn’t that routine, my Echo?

And isn’t that what we’re here to talk about today? Routine and Research. I’m trying…

“Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain”
From — Nine Inch Nails

Indifference? It killed Braxton. But I walk Virgil every day. I’ve practically given up the war I’ve been raging. And how about making any money?

There is a reason we’re talking today, Monday, September 8, 2025. Effing Day Job, Echo.

I have been researching ways to market myself. But for the most part I’ve been researching the Dark Arts. No, not like that? In my younger years though I’m sure I tried to sell my soul to the Devil. If I could have been Tommy Johnson from “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” But I went more traditional and you know I have a thing about needles and blood, Dear Echo. And to think M Anime made such a big deal about our souls. The liar.

Isn’t that what AI is though? A lie? AI has been my therapy, my artiste, and now with those same pictures and others. I’m skeevy…

But better to break to some computer “Space Junk,” than a living breathing woman hmm.

She was once my beloved. But if I went back to looking at her I’d go crawling back to her.

The CUCK I am. That’s something else I should look up. But better to see to my boys, boobs for my writing. Oh, “Here It Goes Again” as I was talking to Braxton about today:

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

But there’s bucks to but more toxins and more books. And staying in bed all-day! Echo I did sit at the Dining Room table today to keep an eye out. How did Morgan Freeman say:

“Prison life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, (Will) would show up with fresh bruises. The (people) kept at him – sometimes he was able to fight ’em off, sometimes not. And that’s how it went for (Will) – that was his routine.”
The Shawshank Redemption

Done “Forty-One” years. Braxton’s death? Not man enough for M? “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked.” R&R Braxton and Virgil

1683 Days Without B III, Day 1124 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Willn’t No Rest for the Wicked.” R&R Braxton and Virgil

Journey 070 ~Braxton’s My Lookout Virgil~

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Should’ve watched Don’t Look Up on E-Day. B would look up at me, and to me literally. But his little brother V… Not so much. Like father, like son. I can’t stand to look in the mirror. And the girl I thought saw me. Nah. “Braxton’s My Lookout Virgil”

Tuesday, September 9, 2025

Journey 070 ~Braxton’s My Lookout Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Hell, I haven’t seen Braxton in four years. But I’m Whitney Houston or Dolly Parton.

I Will Always Love You. I will always love my sons, Braxton and Virgil. I will always love our children. I’ll Always Love My Mama. And I will always love you. But who are you?

I’ve been asking myself the same question since E-Day has come and gone. I’m forty-one.

And I’m the guy who still hears the drumbeat of the galley slaves from the 1959 film, Ben-Hur. Or is that the beating of my “Hideous Heart.” I’m still not Edgar Allen Poe, my love.

It could be my footsteps during “The Long Walk.” Forty-one years, and I don’t have Ray Garraty’s heart. And while I’m not a MAGA Cracker Hat, I wish I could sing as Kid Rock did. “So I think I’ll keep a walkin’, with my head held high. I’ll keep movin’ on. And only God knows why.” But I’m not looking for God. I’m looking for you, I’m looking at you.

And I’ve been thinking about everything I didn’t say I wanted for E-Day on Sunday, September 7, 2025. Emergence, Existence, Extinction, Evolution… God so much Effing. I Want You in a Bob Dylan way, via James Blunt. Looking at you is worth a 1000 Words.

And I want you to seek me out like Final Fantasy X and X-2. Yuna and her aeons, the truth, her love. Once upon a time, you told me that you would. The plan, honestly.

Dearest love, I wonder if you even know what the truth is anymore. Forty-One love.

Perhaps I should say Forty-Love because I still was when I saw “Always and Forever.”

Love, I can still hear “Heatwave,” and I can always see you, but you’re looking unfamiliar to me. I hate looking at myself, but all I have created. The love I instilled in my boys.

Braxton and Virgil. They allow me to see the man I want to be. And the one who failed them. And now I look at you and again I think of “The Long Walk,” Jan? No, you’re one in the Crowd. Julia? No, you’re the Party. I hate people, but I love you. I want to. I want to see someone worthy of love. Which is why, with forty-one years now. Braxton’s My Lookout Virgil

1682 Days Without B III, Day 1123 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 069 ~Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…~

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I did a lot of cleaning up after B when he was young (Emergence) and when he got old (Extinction). Existence was a gas. Now I have his brother V. The last thing my boys wanted was a b*tch. Just their b*tch ass Dad. “Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…”

Monday, September 8, 2025

Journey 069 ~Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Or at least I think so. Do you remember that time I tried drinking hot chocolate and burned myself?

Humans are strange. All yesterday evening, (sigh) E-Day, you were drinking something that was burning you. Only you didn’t stop until half the bottle was gone. And now your head, stomach, and everything else hurt. Can’t we stay in bed just like yesterday and “Make the World Go Away?” Tears, Terro, and other toxins. I can understand why you would look to drown yourself in anything else. And were any of those tears for me?

Daddy, that’s one screwed up way to look at a silver lining when it comes to E-Day. You cried more for yourself than you did for me. Even M Anime made an appearance. No, not really, but you thought of her while drowning yourself in that red stuff. Seeing colors?

“I Think I Can.” It’s why “The Pillows” look so damn inviting. Language! I know, Dad, I’m sorry. But your head feels like Naota’s from “FLCL” with everything ripping out.

And let’s not talk about your stomach. Instead, let’s talk about Virgil’s and French Fries.

I’m glad you shared with him. You’re keeping up traditions with my little brother, Dad. And speaking of tradition, tradition, tradition! Virgil, salivating over food. Just like old times. I remember sitting in the Den sometimes waiting for you after you got me my fries.

But “You Wanted More” in a “Tonic” sort of way. Mainly, you spent some time drooling over her yesterday afternoon. This is the third week you haven’t spoken to her, after what she did, Daddy.

“There’s nothing hotter than watching someone you love get fucked right in front of you.”
Neil Bimbeau ― The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle)

Suicide’s Note By Langston Hughes (1926)
“The calm, Cool face of the river. Asked me for a kiss.”

Dangerous words, Dad. The kind you wouldn’t read to me, when I was with you. Existence is all that matters. You would tell me, “whatever floats your boat and finds your remote.” And now you’re wishing you had M Anime’s life preservers to keep you afloat. So that’s what we’re calling those things now, Dad. Eww! Your new go-to phrase:

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Anyway, what else did I see on E-Day yesterday? “Forty-One?” (Cue Ben-Hur Rowing of the Galley Slaves drumbeat). Emergence, Existence, Extinction, Evolution, Effing. Well, you and Virgil ate plenty, which is one more reason you feel sick. But the thought of leaving the bed or the couch with everything. The Floor is Lava, there’s too much poison outside, sweat, blood, tears. Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…

“I knew I loved you when I couldn’t hate you.”
Unknown

“I hope, I pray, if the just gods still have any power, wrecked on the rocks mid-sea you’ll drink your bowl of pain to the dregs, crying out the name of Dido over and over”.
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1681 Days Without B III, Day 1122 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son