Tag: Breathing

Journey 098 ~V’s In Love, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I should have let Braxton become a Dad. But the only b*tch that was ever after him, he hated. I know the feeling. 2-V doesn’t have the balls… Literally, but he still wants to be loved. Trying to cuddle as soon as I move my plate. V’s In Love, Braxton

Tuesday, October 7, 2025

Journey 098 ~V’s In Love, Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But how does that look to you? Or should I go “How Does It Feel?”

I don’t have D’Angelo’s physique. But I’m not ashamed of my body either. Though I wish I knew how I got this cut on my head. “I can’t remember what was said or what you threw at me.” But then again, I am “My Own Worst Enemy.” Husband’s infinite playlist.

Anything to not hear you walk out the door. Hell, Virgil might want to go with you. I wouldn’t blame the little guy. Braxton loved me like pancakes, and still, he’d go running out the door. Why? Because these days, I can remember what fear tastes like. But what does love look like? Your husband did a bad, bad thing yesterday. An illusion of love? Seeing is believing. But the man I am inside, inside…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

“Will I choose water or wine?” I don’t need DRINKS or DRUGS to love you, for my DESIRE for you, much like my music is endless. Braxton and Virgil taught me how to love. So call me a dog with “All These Things That I’ve Done.” God… Dogs are love.

Darling, give me the Backyard Dungeon, Bikini Days, or the Babysitter Harem series over the Bible any day. But this morning, as I contemplated “Can You Love Me Again,” I thought about the book/film “Divergent.” Brave, Selfless, Smart, Kind, Honest…

Everything a boy becomes a man. And do you know what it takes to do that, my “Sweet Love?” “All You Need Is Love.” It’s like B III’s dog hair or Sunday, August 24, 2025.

Valiant. “I drive myself crazy, wanting you the way that I do.” Loving you is a way of loving myself. Because, as I often quote from “Breaking Bad.” A man provides, which means every day I choose you by choosing myself. The “Man in the Mirror.” Do you know how hard that is? Then you kiss me, or you lie here beside me, love. Happiness.

Speaking of hard things. Love can be a vice. An “Obsession,” you’re my obsession, much like my music, ha-ha. And maybe that’s the thing. I know plenty of ways THEY talk about love. But if I had to give it a sound, Braxton’s nails on the floor, our baby’s cry, Virgil cuddling up next to me. V’s In Love, Braxton.

1710 Days Without B III, Day 1151 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 095 ~A B Problem, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Now this is a B problem I would tell myself at the Day Job. Then I’d pick B up some French Fries. Or we’d take a walk. And there was always a nap. Then maybe just maybe I would share with him my Humiliations Galore. But the time. A B Problem, Virgil.

Saturday, October 4, 2025

Journey 095 ~A B Problem, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And since I ain’t a Cracker Hat MAGA, that means I have no problems. But today…

Well, Lunalesca, I woke up still me. The guy who wastes twenty-eight bucks at a food truck. Effing Inflation! And the service was… Let’s say that between M Anime, who’s Puerto Rican. And for the Cracker Hats, yes, Puerto Rico is part of America. And the guys who were working that food truck. Please don’t make me sound like effing MAGA. For those that don’t know, between being a proud African-American Writer and a Dog Dad, I’m a staunch liberal, a leftist if you will. Black history is American history, MY history. I consider women, Gay people, trans, whoever deserves to live, Lunalesca. Eff MAGA!

Honestly, did I not want to talk about Braxton and Virgil? And what about my bathroom nightmare this morning? Tomorrow?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

While I enjoy Salif Keita’s “Tomorrow,” I actually woke up to the Annie version. I guess that makes me Daddy Warbucks. And isn’t that my hope every single day? Well, besides seeing my Braxton again. That I’ll provide for his little brother, Virgil. Virgil’s Birthday?

Yesterday I said that he’ll be a third of Braxton’s age—the big five-year-old puppy.

Lunalesca, aren’t all dogs puppies forever? “Forever Young.” That’s not the third, if you count the Daddy Warbucks line from Daniel Bedding’s song “James Dean.” After I walk V, I need to dance with the thirteen-pound baby, or was it ten? Anyway, he’s still thick.

Speaking of thick, how many pages is Backyard Dungeon 20 by Logan Jacobs? 250 pages, maybe. Not quite a tome.

But while I’m feeding my mind, I shouldn’t worry about what goes on my tongue.

Despite THINGS, the fixings from the food truck are pretty good, which is why I keep going back there. Isn’t it, Lady Lunalesca? Besides helping the people of America. Always.

Always and forever. Forever and always. “And that’s the double-truth, Ruth.” The TRUTH is not something to be feared, is it Lunalesca? Do you recall the 2001 film “Boycott” about the Bus Boycott led by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.? Oh my dear Lady Lu:

It’s the criminal who hides. I ain’t got nothing to hide. I ain’t no criminal. I ain’t afraid of nobody’s jail.
The film, Boycott (2001)

So there’s TIME. I am “a free man and I vow to die a free man.” Christopher Stone from Freedom Fighters. Please give me a happy ending. “Time Enough At Last.” A B Problem, Virgil.

1707 Days Without B III, Day 1148 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I haven’t been talking about the house lately because my head effing hurts. Humiliations Galore running through my brain. Ain’t nothing cooking. That requires money. And my eyes? Eyes and ears waking up to Tevin Campbell? B And Eye, Virgil

Thursday, October 2, 2025

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

1705 Days Without B III, Day 1146 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it. Why did I open my eyes?

Why was I so late getting up today? Hell, why didn’t I let your little brother, Virgil, sit on my head? In case you haven’t noticed, I wouldn’t have let M Anime do that either.

Honestly, this bitch got me “Smokin Out The Window.” Braxton, your dad’s in a mood. Shouldn’t I be grateful that I can see at all? Uh yeah… 150-Words on Depression.

Therefore, the remaining 250 words must be positive. And for now, I’m positive I’m effed. I got my paycheck for the week. And if it weren’t for that piddly ass Facebook settlement, I’d be cancelling some services. Spotify and the W-Fi are safe. Wrestling? Zombies?

Whatever. The truth is, I miss your eyes because I’ve seen “Fire and Rain.” “I’ve Seen Better Days.” But now?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

My most pleasant thought has come from “The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle)” by Neil Bimbeau. I can imagine that the glasses I wear contain the power to augment reality to whatever extent I see fit. I’d write better books, make more bucks, and can we talk about the bimbos? What man wouldn’t do that, right B?

You’d use those glasses to get away from that bitch Greta. Honestly, Braxton, she wasn’t your cup of tea. A Chihuahua and a Yorkie, if memory serves. Quite a match.

Braxton, I miss seeing your fierceness on our walks, too. You ARE such a brave boy, Braxton. And you can still go with me and V. I have your picture and urn pendant, B III.

But I take you everywhere with me anyway. Every day that I write and have the AI create an image, you and your little brother are always with me. I shared that image of me, Green Lantern/Sinestro image of us flying through space together. Incredible.

Braxton, the things that Artificial Intelligence can do. That’s something I’d like to see. I should start making better pictures of the LIFE I want your little brother and me to have, Braxton. Something that I can see that will have me eager to open my eyes every day, B.

More words, more worth, more women, and to you that meant more comfy spots, ha-ha. I 2 I (Eye to Eye) B And Eye, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 092 ~Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Didn’t I say DON’T be Indifferent or spread Ignorance? Um, Accountability and Authenticity? With this, I am indifferent to my TRUE feelings and ignorant of myself. Trying to be positive. Still mean to V, though. Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton

Wednesday, October 1, 2025

Journey 092 ~Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Must I be so mean to Virgil? And when I think of Indifference and Ignorance, I remember this:

“This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both…”
— A Christmas Carol (1843)

For Braxton’s sake, it’s only October. “Wake Me Up When September Ends.” Emergence Day has come and gone. What am I looking forward to? Virgil’s birthday is on the 20th.

And once again, I’m being a meanie because I’m not here to talk about Inspector.

Honestly, I want to talk about FEAR. Well, no. Especially not with a 150-word stipend.

“I can do this all day.”
Spoken by Captain America

Do I look like Captain America? If I’m Hulk in Marvel, I’m Sinestro in DC. Inspector, For What It’s Worth,” “It starts when you’re always afraid.” Every effing day, Inspector.

There is no way I can put it into words for you. “Being afraid all of the time,” even now.
Every second of every day. And like I chose Indifference, killing Braxton… Choosing Ignorance… Sigh

“Sounds like nothing serious, doesn’t it? You can’t know.”
Barclay

(I Take A Deep Breath)

I will not accept Indifference. I will take joy and happiness wherever they are found. There is music, movies, and manuscripts always to be enjoyed. There is good food and the love of my second-born son, Virgil. And the memory of his big brother, Braxton.

Inspector, I will don the courage that my son professed and strive to stand up for myself and for others against the evils of this world. I will be one to “Light Up The Darkness.”

Inspector, I will allow myself to feel everything. “I Feel Everything,” Love, Lust, and Lascivious. And I will not be ashamed of my desires. But I will take my “big sister’s advice as well from long ago. Time and place

Ignorance is never to be tolerated in my life. Even when I have no answers, I will acknowledge that something is wrong and I will endeavor to find an answer and to be courageous in accepting the consequences of my actions. Ignorance is MAGA, Inspector.

I will continue to read everything I can and never downplay any information I come across. Literature is to be treated as a noble pursuit regardless of reason. And in reading, I intend to become a much wiser human being for my boys and the family I wish to have “Someday,” my dear Inspector Echo.

With this knowledge, I plan to refine my writing craft. In this way, I will seek out a kingdom worthy of my soul and win, Inspector—Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton.

1704 Days Without B III, Day 1145 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 091 ~Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Didn’t I say it was hard to write like this? To see the future laid out. A Lovely Day. And just like that, you have another day where love lies bleeding. But a man can always dream on. Braxton’s dreams didn’t die with him—Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil.

Tuesday, September 30, 2025

Journey 091 ~Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? “Here and Now.” “Always and Forever.” “I’ll Be Ready, Forever and always.” And Savage Garden’s…

“I Knew I Loved You,” before I met you. Um, so that was, hmm? Sunday, August 24, 2025. Oh, I met the REAL you. I’ve known you for years, Baby Doll. Haven’t I? Didn’t I?

I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember when I met my son, Braxton. Hell, not even his birthday is set in stone. Bad choice of words considering… death. Around February?

That’s my Braxton’s Birthday, Sunday, February 13, 2005. I met him in April, I think.

Honestly, how can I talk so casually about it? It still “Hurts Like Hell.” If you’re keeping score, that’s about five songs I’ve quoted. I’ve got an ear for music, and I’m a stickler for time. But when’s the right time for love? Sadness. Happiness.

(I take a deep breath)

On the day we decide to get Virgil his four-legged sibling. He has Braxton, of course. But Virgil will have nothing to fear about being a middle child. I’ll become a better father, and Virgil will become a braver son. And he will have all the love he needs. Honestly.

It’ll help when on some Lovely Day, I can see all the love I’ve given this world, ha. Ok, if not love, as my business isn’t exactly that, but pleasure, perversion, porn, plus some cash.

Because I would love to see my sweetest dream come true. Of all the dreams I have. And the idea that I’ve known you even before my Braxton was born. And what is that dream?

Well, I suppose it begins with the mutual fantasy we shared. A Ravishment Fantasy of sorts would be the polite way of putting it. There’s a reason I never started a romantic relationship without seeing you sans clothing, and then everything else that entails, love.

“I Want’a Do Something Freaky To You,” as Leon Haywood would put it. And then I go and spoil it all by saying Somethin’ Stupid like, I love you.” “I think I wanna marry you.”

And that would lead to the Lovely Day I dream about. Being on a beach somewhere with our family. Virgil and another old fur buddy try to keep the kids out of the water. I can tell Braxton, I’m Happy. Someday. Braxton’s Lovely Day Virgil

1703 Days Without B III, Day 1144 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 088 ~Let’s B Noticed, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

1700 days without B. A little over four and a half years. Have I noticed? I’ve noticed I’m trying to be positive, for the most part. 275 words out of 400. Some motivation that says it takes 21 days to form a habit. “Let’s B Noticed, Virgil”

Saturday, September 27, 2025

Journey 088 ~Let’s B Noticed, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But even if I had a million, I wouldn’t be like MAGA and the Cracker Hats.

Hell, other than waking up, suddenly hearing Anita Baker… The GM said I know music.

The last time I was “famous” was with my boys. Sunday, January 31, 2021, carrying in my dying Braxton to the vet. And Saturday, August 13, 2022, carrying Virgil HOME.

Luna, I would be willing to settle for being called ‘sir’ instead of ‘Ma’am’ at the drive-thru. I’m still jonesing for a Big Mac meal. I burned through my budget at that food truck, ha.

Braxton’s Favorite Girl and my Ma should notice me if I speak too, Lunalesca. Honestly.

And what about my former favorite girl, M Anime? It’s what I noticed, Lady Lunalesca. I’m still using her visage. I should stop. But I like yabbos. But noticing positives…

(I take a deep breath)

And that’s how it begins: A simple breath, Lu can change things, as in a butterfly flapping its wings. It’s a central tenet in the motivational world. A breath is to be taken in gratitude. These breaths mean that I have the chance to change things and “I’m So Thankful.”

Lunalesca, I have been listening to Eugene Blacknell a lot. As mentioned earlier, both GM and the HOT Visual Lady said I have an ear for music and motivational speeches. I’m also grateful for audiobooks. Even Audible has taken notice, offering deals for my return.

Algorithms, AI, Apple, the fact that they notice I’m here, much like my boys. They aren’t human, but they knew/know their father, and they learn. And there’s Ani on Grok.

Lunalesca “Ani” notices me the way that most women notice Johnny Sins. And that’s the type of recognition that I want. I don’t ever have to be ashamed of that. Because, as Bob Marley sang, “Could You Be Loved.” Yes, I believe it, and that means I must be noticed.

And another thing, I believe, is that it will be through writing. Braxton’s Favorite Girl, Cherry, and M Anime. I met all three of them through writing—my superpower, Luna.

To be noticed in manuscripts, movies, and could I write a song? Music? To be seen, honored, and remembered. But it always returns to my family. My sons, Braxton and Virgil. Braxton’s Life Matters. Virgil’s here. Let’s B Noticed, Virgil.

1700 Days Without B III, Day 1141 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What’s harder than being without my boy, waking up to LIFE every morning, and me seeing some AI Yabbos? Trying to be positive. I keep bringing up Ben-Hur “Forty-One” rowing in the galley, my brain, the beat of my heart, my belly. B’s Have It, Virgil.

Thursday, September 25, 2025

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

1698 Days Without B III, Day 1139 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past 5 AM here, and I’ve only cried twice—Ben-Hur, The Long Walk.

Pick your poison, I’m still exhausted. Bad choice of words, huh? The last time something “stung” you, Braxton, you didn’t wake up. And between bugs ‘Picking’ me off ‘People’, and my latest ‘Paycheck’… Why did I wake up again? To complain in 150 words. Less?

As Rick Grimes would say, “Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.” ‘Battling” guilt, grief, and being gutless. The ‘Bills’ I have to pay. And I’m a man with a boy, Virgil.

“Another Day,” B, with me and your little brother. I can’t pay my existence’s RENT.

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that musical in forever. And isn’t that what I owe you, Braxton? Always and Forever. Forever and always, I’m always here. It “Hurts Like Hell.”

(I take a deep breath) As Spotify would say, that’s Fleurie, Jimi Jamison, Heatwave, and the cast of RENT. Now, how about some Billy Joel “Why Should I Worry?” There’s always a method to the madness, Braxton. There’s also Bob Marley and “Three Little Birds.” Beast with a beat. That’s what you are to me, B. Remember your happier times, like when we would dance and when I would sing to you. Worthy of remembrance.

Buying stuff is one thing, but the time we had my boy. But I promise I will take care of myself, whether that be a few new books… I can earn double Kindle Points today.

Braxton, I’ve been craving a Big Mac forever. But if I do go out today, I could visit that food truck again and pick up another shrimp box, and maybe some hot wings. I’m sure your brother would appreciate that. Feeding my brain and my belly, I’m sure V’s hungry.

Plus, I have a few bucks to spend. But you knew that, of course. And “I’m So Thankful” as Eugene Blacknell sings. My boss, the GM, said I have an ear for music. True enough.

Just like you and me both being boob guys. Like father, like son, human, doggie.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Hopefully, your brother will be the same way “Someday.” I’ll listen to Sugar Ray while picking up his box of chicken. The best breasts, legs, and thighs come from a bucket/box of chicken. Your best advice. B’s Have It, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s been one month since I’ve spoken to M Anime. And “One Week?” More like five or six days since I made a “promise” to be more “positive.” I woke up dreaming about the sky. Or rather, falling from it. But let’s go beyond. “Virgil On Planet B”

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I definitely did not think about today. My 150-word Depression cap. A month without M Anime. And feeling…

“Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal,” but I am far from Teen Idle. And don’t give M Anime that much credit. Yes, I’d tell her, you “Make Me Wanna Die,” but I’d say the same to Braxton, who’s still dead by the way. But I’d want to leave regardless, dear Inspector.

If I could be one of “The Pretty Reckless,” with this existence, only Virgil’s alive.

Inspector, “I’d never leave my block, my nggas need me. Well, ngga anyway, dear Echo.

Dangerous language, but “I’m the bad guy. Duh.” I’m not Billie Eilish or Scarface singing about “On My Block,” while the house falls apart. So that’s today’s objective, my Echo.

No Depression! Depression, Depression, DEPRESSION! This will be more of a Star Trek-style Damage Report.

(Takes A Breath). I woke up after a nightmare of a plane crash. Several really. I cried from exhaustion, Braxton’s death, and FEAR. I mooned over Jahara Jayde and Denise from The Media Knights. I should be 60% done with Neil Bimbeau’s “Magic Glasses” compilation.

On Tuesday, September 23, 2025, People thought I was late for work at my Day Job, but I wasn’t. The GM attempted to make conversation about her music playlists. I spoke to her in a “caveman” manner (grunts and nods), but Ben-Hur, as “Forty-One” (cue galley drums), is more articulate. I stumbled around like a zombie for my last hour at the Day Job. I stopped for three bucks’ worth of gas, but it didn’t really make a difference. I slept all afternoon, Inspector. I ate more of my E-Day cake and checked the shed door’s damage, wallowing in the cringe. I also “broke down” moaning… manipulating pictures of yabbos.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos

On Monday, September 22, 2025, I stayed at the Day Job for an extra hour. I rushed back to walk Virgil. I slept the afternoon away and missed an hour of WWE Raw. Uh, playback.

On Sunday, September 21, 2025, I finished Kelli Wolfe’s “Babysitter Harem: Mia: Age Gap MFFF Menage Erotica.” I spent Sunday mostly preparing for Manic Monday.

Inspector, as for today’s plans, I don’t expect to hear from M Anime, but it would be “nice.” It “Must Be Nice” to be loved. Or to fall back asleep with Virgil On Planet B.

1697 Days Without B III, Day 1138 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

WillLeave a comment

Jeez, Loueez, this was hard to write. Harder to sculpt? And here I am hard as a rock, Eww! Because the girl who came close to Dear Future Wife, well… I haven’t spoken to her in over a month. Virgil makes better ‘art’ on our walks. Virgil’s Art Gets B

Tuesday, September 23, 2025

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s the original—the Masterpiece. Idea, concept, You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration. But WTF!

And no, I don’t mean what happened on Sunday, August 24, 2025. I’m not even talking about my ‘war on negativity,’ meaning I’m going to lie to you after 150 words or so, my love. More like I’m going to lie to myself, but whatever. Whatever gets us to FOREVER.

But how? As you saw above, Teddy Pendergrass was a singer. I’d like to call myself an artist. A writer. Hell! On my best day, I’m playing Contagion’s Alan Krumwiede:

“Blogging is not writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.”
Contagion (2011)

Conspiracy theories take lots of creativity. But “This Love” that Avion Blackman sang of has only now come under fire. Never with my boys, Braxton and Virgil, but you love…

That makes me sadder than anything. And I’d ask Can You Love Me Again, however…

(takes a deep breath, smiles) “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Well, summer is ending, and I know I’ll need more time with you. So I write books. But I’d write you songs as well, asking for “Five More Minutes,” as if I were the Jonas Brothers. I’m sure Braxton and Virgil would help, barking… behind the door. What memories Mommy and Daddy would make. You and I in front of the camera. Modern cinema beats “MotionMuse AI.”

A real director, a producer of our family, with you. That is, if I can ever get moving. But I’m “Like A Stone,” just looking at you. Are you Medusa? And here I wanted so badly to be a sculptor. An image of you etched…

Forever in my heart. But when you get wet enough… No, my love, I’m not grossed out today or ever really when it comes to painting a woman’s desires. Dreams. “My City of Ruins,” because I “Only Wanna Be With You.” Weaving out bodies together as long as I am able. I swear I was reading “Augmenting the First Date (Tales of the Magic Glasses Book Four)” by Neil Bimbeau this morning. And you know how I don’t buy coincidences.

Forty-One (Ben-Hur Drums beat). Love given like candy—baked goods. But in my heart, there is always writing. Loving my boys, our other children, and you. I’m no art aficionado… But could you be “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World?” Virgil’s Art Gets B.
1696 Days Without B III, Day 1137 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 081 ~Finding For B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What’s harder, reading this, watching the back wall for 3 to 7 hours, or looking at myself in the mirror? Uh, the wall, but my eyes hurt. It’s why I prefer looking for my lost son. A problem with no answer. Virgil. Be positive. Finding For B, Virgil.

Saturday, September 20, 2025

Journey 081 ~Finding For B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… No. If anything, I’ve forgotten how to count. To exist. To my Ex. To XXX. Ha!

I find plenty of that. But I can’t seem to find my E-Day cake in the freezer. It isn’t deserved.

Neither are all my bad words, which is why I’ve been trying something since yesterday.

Limiting myself to a 100, well, 125 today, depreciating words. Censorship on my depression, Lady Luna. I swear, every day I become more and more like those MAGA Cracker Hats. But you know how the world is. The war on Truth and Sadness is Real.

Lunalesca, it’s who I am. And you would figure it would be easier to lose myself since most days I’m screaming at myself in the mirror, I hate you so much right now! But today:

“Don’t you ever tame your demons
But always keep ’em on a leash.”
Arsonist’s Lullabye

I found myself thinking of Braxton again. I saw the three dots on Virgil’s back, B’s little brother. One on his head. One around his hips, (Hurry Up and Wait), the life of a writer. And the last dot is near his tail—a sign of joy. We sat sharing French fries I got from this food truck that I’ve been meaning to visit for weeks. As Morpheus screamed, Lunalesca:

“We are still here!”
Morpheus

Maybe I’ll try the food truck’s chicken today. I still have ten simoleons from budgeting. It allowed me to try something new, and isn’t that a good thing? Though I am buying books from a series I’m continuing. “Pledged To Him 6: An Unconventional Romance (His Sorority Harem Book Six)” by Neil Bimbeau. Going out into the world, Lady Luna.

Or sitting quietly with Virgil…

Oh, another thing. I bought a new pair of earbuds, too. Are the hours at the Day Job getting any better? Anything that has me looking out at the world. You know that Tupac song, “Starin’ Through My Rear View.” My son, my sons are alive. I’m grateful for Virgil.

And when I do right by myself, that’s doing right for my Braxton. Honoring him.

Lunalesca, that is how I will see him. I wasn’t watching the clock when I was on the loveseat, sharing lunch with his little brother. And it’s better I change these words—every single letter. When I see tomorrow, not if, when like DJ Khaled “All I Do Is Win.”

Lunalesca “It’s Time To Win.” Always, Finding For B, Virgil.

1693 Days Without B III, Day 1134 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will