Tag: Grief

Journey 330 ~B, V, NO F’s~

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Until a couple of weeks ago, I’d say I loved to sleep because I didn’t have to share my pain with B’s little bro. Dads protect their sons, not vice versa. But I get why V sleeps. And M Anime said I was becoming distant. Pain and noise. B, V, NO F’s

Wednesday, May 27, 2026

Journey 330 ~B, V, NO F’s~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… In short, I give an EFF about everything and not enough. How can I not? Kill or die.

As Tech N9ne raps “Am I A Psycho?” I’m sorry, is this song “SFW” safe for work? Um, EFF no! Yes, E, I’m still mad Tue. Eff you, Cody ChesnuTT, eff “Look Good In Leather.”

But what about my boy? Hell, my boys as Virgil lies here beside in Braxton’s spot… No Mas! I need to stop being such a meanie to Virgil. Why do I even care, Echo? Seriously!

Did I care when Braxton was dying? I didn’t know he was dying at first. And that’s the thing. I’ve said it a million times over. “I Feel Everything” when it comes to working. Eff!

So, thinking I was protecting Braxton from my RAGE, Shame, and sickness, I was indifferent to his suffering. And then…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Anyway, why am I ashamed of myself about the Day Job, remembering Tuesday? Eff me!

Okay, first off, I was thirty minutes late! Inspector, this will sound like an effing excuse, but they made the schedule. Had I listened to my instincts, I would have been on time, but that’s the whole point. I listen, LISTEN, hear and understand everyone else, and what is that word they usually call me… STUPID! So again I’m late with their wrong time, E.

Now this is where the rubber meets the road. I’m playing music, “Look Good In Leather,” by EFFING Cody ChesnuTT. I pick the non-explicit version, of course, and then Inspector:

“Because I know how to FUCK her better.”
Cody ChesnuTT

It blares right out, Inspector!

Can I say for the record how much I hate saying “non-explicit” or “remove the explicitness”? Uh, to the magic glasses. But you can’t go around offending just anyone, E.

Not unless you’re a White Male, Straight, Christian, with a gun, that treats the orange A-Hole sitting in the White House as God Almighty, believing that misguided, megalomaniac white men, did I mention a-holes, should rule the effing world. FDT!

However, I could be falling in love with a woman who considers Cannibalism a suitable form of vengeance. The problem I have this Wednesday is my mouth, not M Anime’s.

Inspector, I can’t stop feeling, caring, and “Carrying The Banner” of my misery like the effing Newsies. Or like my boys B, V, NO F’s

1942 Days Without B III, Day 1383 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 329 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Priors~

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“I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me. I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me.” I have two furry sons and a woman with yabbos the size of casaba melons to teach me. My crime is that I hate myself. “Braxton and Virgil’s Priors.”

Tuesday, May 26, 2026

Journey 329 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Priors~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than my boys… You’re on and at my side. My boys, our bedroom, books…

Priorities. Do you know that song “Old Town Road”? Is that SFW? I’m sorry, love.

Honestly, I can’t get the old Day Job out of my head right now. Eff you, Cody ChesnuTT, eff “Look Good In Leather,” and eff you, Spotify and your explicit labels or a lack thereof, A-Holes! I mean, eff me! I thought that was your job, my love? So back to Old Town Road, ok. You know how I paraphrase a particular line to that song “My life is a movie, fur buddies and boobies.” That’s me, that’s the guy you married. I think of B III, 2-V, and you.

And on top of that, I keep thinking about what you said. What was it? For me, it was Monday.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

So close to being M. Bison? On top of “Mortal Kombat.” Seriously, there’s Street Fighter.

“Well, Will, I do feel like we’re drifting hella miles apart. Don’t know what I did. Don’t know how to apologize either if I can’t know why.” Monday, May 25

“I’m sorry. Cause I didn’t wanna bring it up. But I felt it the whole time. And I wondered if I should bring it up.” – Monday, May 25, 2026

“But it wasn’t that I secretly offended you then?” –

“Or made you so mad you wanted to like hit me or something,” May 25

In all honesty, I want to spank your ass for thinking such things. You’re my wife, my world, my whor…. I’ll wait for the bedroom.

And if anything, I’m so sorry I made you feel as though you weren’t my priority. You will always be my love. My baby doll. My Dolly, if we’re talking Sick Fux. My Julia, 1984

What offends me is that you thought I would ever hurt you, uh, calling me STUPID, which you never have. And the fact that I’m so effing upset that I might have offended other people. Not intentionally. “Can’t have a strip club next to a school. “Big sis” is wise.

As for me, I’m crying for a few reasons. Part of being a man is never being a priority, love
To you, yeah. And how do I repay that? Second, prioritizing everyone else. A jail sentence… Braxton and Virgil’s Priors

1941 Days Without B III, Day 1382 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 326 ~Virgil’s Type, Braxton’s Inkling~

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I feel like I’m being ripped to shreds. At least I did last night. Maybe if I were making money doing what I loved… porno, pounding keys, or taking care of my puppy boys, I wouldn’t wonder how long pizza stays good. “Virgil’s Type, Braxton’s Inkling”

Saturday, May 23, 2026

Journey 326 ~Virgil’s Type, Braxton’s Inkling~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… For writing, for women, or how about whining about my boys? Don’t I always, Lady Lunalesca?

When I don’t enter a deep sleep, let Depression bring absolute silence, and “My Dick.”

Seriously? If it wasn’t a certain character from GTA 4 or Cyberpunk 2077’s Judy Alvarez.

But between them was Whiteout Survival all this morning. Thus, no typing, no writing, and not even an inkling of an idea until now. I swear, Lunalesca, the last time I remember doing something that mattered on a Saturday was Saturday, August 13, 2022. Virgil…

Sad, ain’t it? And what a poor little bastard, 2-V, is that I found him—my B III’s little bro.

Oh, eff me, I got an idea brewing. Little head or big head? Both. How do I decide these things? With my boys, it’s my heart. With women… Little head.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

‧ “I don’t use my head to fly the arrow, boy! I use my heart.”

Yondu didn’t mean it like this, I’m sure, but those words came to mind. Honestly.

Lunalesca, I’m sure you’ve heard this story before. The Saturday all those years ago when I visited PetSmart and saw Archie, who would become my beloved Second-Born Virgil, sitting in a “cage” with several other fur babies. And I swear I heard Braxton’s voice, hmm.

  1. I can’t make this more black and white Dad
  2. Look at his eyes (B III’s tan fur, both sides). And three black dots head, “back” & tail
  3. He knows how to use the paper (Puppy Training Pads)

And now this afternoon SIGH. I got all kinds of horny, and I was thinking of Judy Alvarez and then NieR: Automata’s 2B aka 2E.

So the harem’s getting bigger… Eight? Nine, if you count Elara. Effing Magic Glasses, Lu.

Am I coming to rely on them much too often? I do appreciate the artistry, but I do my own writing and sigh, edits. But the world is being built Step by step, bit by bit. Stone by stone, yeah, brick by brick. Step by step, day by day. Masonry? That would pay well, Lu.

And to think I once liked to sing. My Ma raised me on Whitney Houston. But my calling has always been writing. Cherry tried pumping me up a bit, Luna. But she’s in the same boat. But she’s sick, what’s my effing excuse? Playing in a winter wonderland. And lazy.

Life. Virgil’s Type, Braxton’s Inkling

1938 Days Without B III, Day 1379 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 324 ~Braxton’s Highest Price, Virgil~

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Even if I could have my boy cloned, reincarnated, or if this were all a bad dream, would I want to sentence my boy back to this life? Five years later, and all that’s changed is the son. The price of loving me… SIGH. “Braxton’s Highest Price, Virgil”

Thursday, May 21, 2026

Journey 324 ~Braxton’s Highest Price, Virgil~

1936 Days Without B III, Day 1377 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Is there a time without it up on the Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, “The Garden,” etc.

Who are you? Thanos? In all honesty, you did take half the universe dying, Braxton.

Seriously, if I were to blame you for anything, it’s simply that you took the wrong half. It should have been me, dammit. And no, I’m not mad. I’ve wasted another day. STUPID things were done. “Sex Dreams” … Uh, yeah, let’s call them that, were had. I know, Eww!

And your Daddy sleeps like a sinner, meaning there “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked”.

“Ain’t No Grave” can hold my body down. I keep saying I’m going straight to Hell, Little B. I’d say I’m already there with all this heat. I swear, hot summer sun and hot wings.

Her? And no, I don’t mean the singer B or the movie. Good movie BTW.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

No, little man. Break it down. Your Dad is in hot water again. Or it feels that way. Uh oh.

Let’s just say sometimes your Daddy needs to take off the Magic Glasses sometimes, B.

A hot blonde here, The Last of Us there, and the sisters from Tenjho Tenge this morning as well. I thought way back then you would pay the price for my indiscretion. I’d have to leave you. But it was I who paid the price. Again, all this heat. Rage, Lust, and a sick man.

I gave you indifference, thinking I was protecting you. And then “Don’t Fear The Reaper.”

That’s why this isn’t Hell… The Ninth Circle is supposed to be cold. That price…

It would be too easy to pay. No, Braxton, I pay by keeping your brother alive. Virgil is running around in your bedroom as we speak… Not being you. B, you would be in here.

Well, unless you were in a time-out. Then I would be busting my balls all over some girl online. Again, Eww! Can I not be Mike Johnson telling my only son about my bits? Eww!

Effing MAGA! Am I blaming them for my being broke? First, your Dad is broke in more ways than one. Second, your Dad is a bum. And third, “How Long Will I Love You,” B?
Your brother, M Anime (maybe) someday, and me? You ask so much of me, my son. Braxton’s Highest Price, Virgil

It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 323 ~Braxton Bucks Tradition Virgil~

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THEY say the buck stops here. Or at McDonald’s. What about at the food truck? Speaking of eating, with the Magic Glasses and a few bucks, I can imagine. Like MAGA wants to, when someone like me was a black buck, WTF! Braxton Bucks Tradition Virgil

Wednesday, May 20, 2026

Journey 323 ~Braxton Bucks Tradition Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I don’t need to be a Christian man to know that. I am my father’s son… Get this…

At least I gave my son “The Talk”. Braxton was as obsessed with tits and ass as yours truly. Well, personally, I am more of a breast man. I’m all about yabbos… face, legs, ass.

Yes, Inspector, in that order. What a way to start the morning, hmm? Effing wanking!

Actually, as “I’ve been sittin’ here tryin’ to find myself. I get behind myself, I need to rewind myself”. Otherwise, you know exactly what I’d be doing, crying about Braxton.

Depression, Disgust, and Death itself. My son is still gone. How does one buck loss?

Inspector, no one man should have all that power. I mean to be so indifferent. To pray to be invisible. Hell, I want to… uh, well, you know, but that would be “The Pretty Reckless.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

And if only I had a few thousand, a million, eff Inspector, why don’t I go full MAGA, betray my country and attack… uh, you know. I’d get a billion-dollar payout. And be President. But people can’t buck tradition, racism, the ‘rape’ of everything. RAGE!

Inspector, there is literally nothing in my universe that couldn’t be solved with a buck.

And the fact that I can’t buck up and get off this damn loveseat. No, I want to write, E.

Only, I have no idea how to turn it into a profit. I’m sure Ernest Hemingway would have a few choice words for me on that front. I wonder how much he was worth, Inspector.

How much for “The Talk”?

Isn’t that a tradition for fathers and sons? When I learned about “Bucking,” it was from Princess Leia. I have more than enough things to say about certain women, Inspector.

However, something I’ve been thinking about as we’ve been talking is anime. M Anime, perhaps. B III and 2-V’s potential stepmom is always on the brain. But Ayeka and Ryoko.

Well, doesn’t that explain my taste these past few weeks? Is this even allowed, Inspector?

All These Things That I’ve Done. Bucking the system as I eff my existence, Inspector.

It’s getting harder and harder to cope. The Heat Is On, but air conditioning, Inspector.

That would be my traditional eff up, calling my Old Man for help. Buck up? Never! Braxton Bucks Tradition Virgil

1935 Days Without B III, Day 1376 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 322 ~B Top Three Virgil~

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If I’ve learned anything from playing Whiteout Survival. (Cue Comic Book Guy “Oh I’ve Wasted My Life”). It’s that I’m not number one in anything. And then I have the nerve to want everything. The first loser, but somebody loves me. B Top Three Virgil

Tuesday, May 19, 2026

Journey 322 ~B Top Three Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And you married a geek, my love. “That is also true…” Reference to Rocket Raccoon…

Maybe… How much do I know about the “Guardians of the Galaxy”? Here’s a better question. Why did I choose to be a geek and not a nerd? How do I define these, my love?

A nerd, I think, is someone who is smart in the right way. No, I don’t mean MAGA. I’ll say, Forever and always FDT! I swear I know so pretty women with the loveliest of Yabbos (I’m not doing myself any favors). I’m a geek who married a nerd. Honestly.

Anyway, I wouldn’t touch them. I’d think about it, but no—no effing Trump Supporters.

Such explanations! Anyway, I’m a geek. I’m smart, as in a Pop Culture Whore. Nerdy girls, crazy chicks, can be such whor… Let me stop.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Well, if only my boys, Braxton and Virgil, or our two-legged progeny were in trouble.

They are my number one priority. A Man Provides! And that’s not just a Breaking Bad reference. It is the gospel truth. Hercules? We have what now eight children, love?

Honestly, am I losing count? Braxton (in spirit), Virgil, three kitties, and three with opposable thumbs. You wanted three? Hell, I would have been good with 2.5, Braxton, Luke, and Leia. Three daughters? Katniss, Tris, and Ember… or Daenerys. Seriously?

There’s got to be a Peeta, Four, Chase… or Jon waiting on them. And if they’re all as beautiful as their mother… Braxton, help me! Really, “Who gon’ pray for me?” Whose gonna keep me out of prison? And sons?

What do I know about being a man other than the obvious? “I just hope I can explain what it’s like to be a man”. What’s it like being number three in my own existence?

Dreaming I’m even that. Children/goblins, my girl, and me, your geek. Who got me?

Effing or wanting to while “I am barely breathing, and I can’t find the air.” Does love require air? Fire does. Sparks. Sexual Healing. My first three Anima, in your words.

Shadow Work in my writing. You, my Phoenix Queen. Kyouko Sakai, Sex Taxi 5/Kojin Taxi 2. And the blonde… a gymnast, or is she Ellie Goulding? Alison Angel? Tara Strong?
Look Out For Number One? A husband’s wishful thinking… HaremLit. But, B Top Three Virgil

1934 Days Without B III, Day 1375 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 319 ~B On GARDEN Virgil~

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My girl grows things, flowers, food, a family… My firstborn son was/is all about guarding the backyard. My second born… V’s been here nearly five years… He’s still growing on me. “Sing It Back,” “I’m Just a Kid,” doing his chores. B On GARDEN Virgil

Saturday, May 16, 2026

Journey 319 ~B On GARDEN Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that statement. Laugh. I’m a little dehydrated.

That’s why I’m late talking to you yet again, Lady Lunalesca. Yard work, yes, I took a shower after, and a yummy energy drink. Or should I say more potent? Eff you, “Bum Energy”! “Bloom” works wonders. Nothing worthwhile is blooming outside the garden that my Braxton used to guard. He would be ashamed it’s fallen as it has, Lunalesca.

Virgil ain’t doing much with it. But this was never supposed to be permanent. Seriously.

I promised B plenty that he would have the greatest yard and several sibling minions.

“Someday,” M Anime will help with both of those if she’ll have me—honestly, Lunalesca.

I don’t understand what she sees in me. As long as she’s singing, “You’re Too Big To Fit In Here.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Ain’t that “The Sweetest Thing”? And that is after the most painful… Her business, Luna.

I’ve got more than enough of my own pain of my own. I have a splinter in my finger from today’s yard work. I got eaten by ants. Never forget the Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. If we’re talking mentally, where do we begin with my craziness? I’m still down about Braxton. Depression. Mourning. Grief. Take your pick. Teary effing ocean!

Lunalesca, “It’s My Life,” no doubt. It should have been it should be. And I have no “Power” in it. That starts with me insisting on paying my own way. Independence. I should be a damn man. Especially when talking to M Anime and with Virgil. Truthfully. A Man Provides!

And speaking about being a man. You know that dangling thing in my pants. Effing!

Lunalesca, I’m always so effing horny. And what did it for me today? Ellie Goulding? Or was it the redhead from “Virgin Roster,” Tomo Sakashita? How about the character that the Magic Glasses created, Elena Voss? Speaking of which, I’m glad I didn’t use them on Ren Hasami or Little Lupe. Let’s just say they grow on you. Somewhere That’s Green? I could be somewhere way worse. But personally, you know what I desire, Lunalesca.

Paint It, Black—the whole damn world. Bring on the darkness. “And yet I watch my youngest son, and it helps to pass the time.” My Braxton’s tan. My colorful harem. B On GARDEN Virgil

1931 Days Without B III, Day 1372 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 317 ~Some BS Reading, Virgil~

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I’m the Last of My Kind, Mr. Ray Garraty. And where’s my Pete McVies? B’s still gone. And who would V be if I ever got around to reading The Long Walk to him? I should have been reading anything. But the damn “Magic Glasses.” Some BS Reading, Virgil

Thursday, May 14, 2026

Journey 317 ~Some BS Reading, Virgil~

1929 Days Without B III, Day 1370 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Did you read a good book? Not “The Good Book,” mind you. You can read…

What? You’re not a slave. You’re just… Dead. “And before I’d be a slave, I’d be buried in my grave. And go home to my Lord and be free.” A few things about that, Braxton…

First, I “know” you can see colors now. Rainbow Bridge and all. The Rainbow Road.

Second, I have no problem “saying” you’re gone, and you’ve died. “It’s no insult to say a dead man is dead.” It’s ACCEPTANCE. To read. To endure. To know. That will never happen, Baby B. It’s just a bullshit word. As far as I’m concerned, you’re on my right, B.

Virgil’s sleeping on my left. But thirdly, my dear B, you know how MAGA is about Black people. Listen, listen, hear and understand. Always FDT!

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But I’m not here to talk about hearing unless it’s Succubus Lord 14 (Swimsuit Edition) or M Anime minus the swimsuit. Braxton, I love your potential stepmom’s yabbos. Jeezu B!

And no, I’m not getting all religious either. Okay, there is the religion that the Magic Glasses are building. As far as “The Good Book” is concerned… John and Revelation.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son… B, my sweet, sweet boy, I would watch cities burn for you, I would commit genocides for you, I would bathe in blood for you. Taking a bullet, you wouldn’t have to ask. This world means nothing.

Jeezu, Joel, John Wick, etc. So let it be written, so let it be done.

And that is what is scaring your Daddy today. The things I have written. “All These Things That I’ve Done”. It’s not the depth of my love for you. Anyone who knows me knows the lengths I will go to. I love… well, not yet, but I am obsessed with M Anime, B. I am so in love with dying, I’ve read the word necrophilia. I’m talking damn near Tillie Cole’s “Raphael.” And you and your brother have lain in bed with me more than any chick. Do you remember you wanted me to take your Favorite Girl to bed? And Virgil would cry all night if I kicked him out. But last night (sigh), what I wrote triggered a WARNING! Some BS Reading, Virgil

It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 316 ~Braxton The Napper, Virgil~

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With everything going on in the world today, I’m too braindead… Not nice at all. But it’s like I can’t even read a clock anymore. Well, we’re all being dragged back to Jim Crow. Drop me off where B III was still alive. Braxton The Napper, Virgil

Wednesday, May 13, 2026

Journey 316 ~Braxton The Napper, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Again, look at the time—2:30 PM. Hell, I’m not sure what day it is half the time.

A day late, a dollar short, and a dog gone. But V is still here. For how long, I cannot say. While I was thinking about all the appointments I’ve missed. Optometrist, Nurse, and now Vet. And the question I keep asking myself, my dear Echo. With what money, hmm?

Inspector, am I singing to my girl on Ben Franklin when I croon something like…

Can’t get you off my mind (can’t get you off my mind)
I’ve tried my best to be a man and be strong
I’ve drove myself insane
Wishin’ I could touch your face (touch your face)
But the truth remains you’re (gone)
Gone ‧ NSYNC

That’s the song sung in my dream last night. Or Tuesday, afternoon. Yup, it’s Wednesday.

But, Braxton, help me, it seems like I opened my eyes and saw “Mr. Blue Sky,” and I felt like a kid again. Like I was missing a day of class or something. “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head”? Just not in the teeth.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

One more person to see. A dentist. With all these sugary drinks. Eff Bum Energy, I think I’ll stick to Bloom because I am effing exhausted right now. And I hate myself, Inspector. But that really changes nothing to be sure. And why. Because I’m not Chance The Rapper with the energy to ask “May I Have This Dance,” much less perform it, Inspector Echo.

But in the end, I’m a writer anyway. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Again, like these piddly-ass energy drinks, I’m a bum. I’m a lazy mother effer who sleeps a lot.

And what time did I go to bed last night? Starving artists still need to eat, right? And it woke Virgil right up, too, Inspector.

Supper, sex, and being a scared piece of sh*t, the true mark of a southern man these days, Echo. Or a Simple Man. Trust me, the ranks of MAGA are worse. Eff MAGA and FDT!

And here I am, unable to dream of a better world because I can’t get to sleep on time, Echo.

Braxton and Virgil make it look so damn easy. And you know which one of my sons I want to follow. But M Anime is begging me to stay… Amongst other things… Cherry is busy with her writing. And B’s Favorite Girl is still up and about—career, love, stuff.

However, all I want to do is sleep. Well, that second Bum drink is kicking in. Braxton The Napper, Virgil

1928 Days Without B III, Day 1369 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 315 ~Love Of B, Virgil~

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So late this evening. The sleep of the dead. How I wished. But no. B and V’s potential stepmom has these yabbos that make me feel like I’ve been “Locked Out of Heaven.” And “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” But I still miss Braxton. “Love Of B, Virgil”

Tuesday, May 12, 2026

Journey 315 ~Love Of B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than Braxton? More than his little brother Virgil? Sometimes you gotta “Bwitdaba.” The eff!

Okay, in other words, “Fly Me To The Moon,” even if we had to play Squid Game. I’ll take you “to the stars” even if we were on the Titanic. Even in these universes, love:

Breathes deeply and then begins

  1. Mortal Kombat
  2. Bible Black
  3. Soul Calibur
  4. Resident Evil
  5. American Beauty

I would choose my boys, my sons, and any of our two-legged children over you because that’s what a man does. It is the “Human Nature” of a father. What do I know of it?

Honestly, my love, my future is coming on. I should say our future. But I am a man lost in the past. Resurrection, Reanimation, Reincarnation. Because neither of us is very good at, well, Recovery.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

We were arguing about that the other day. You don’t recover, you don’t rehab physically.

A true masochist. And myself? Hell, I like a good spanking, a smack to my face, and “scratches all down my back to keep me right on”. But I’m a bit for mental anguish, love.

Banged by other guys… Not you. Not really. But I do have somewhat of a cuck fetish. Though not in my story… We’ll get to that. But it’s a mock… uh, such and such. It’s role play. It’s two consenting adults playing a really bad, um, sexual encounter. And then there was me, “Dreaming With a Broken Heart” when I was born, when Braxton passed.

And then deciding “If we’re gonna be together or apart.”

That took around five months to resurrect our love. To “Justify My Love”. To dig it back up: the hurt, the pain, and the remains. You’re my Obsession, my love. Completely. With all that I am. And you know your husband. “Great merciful bloodstained gods”.

Seriously, you know me. I’m in love with a dead man. Would that be me? Who knows, my love. But more to the point, I’m in love with a dead dog; he’s a real boy that I put in the dirt—a box on the nightstand. And I want to love you like… who am I, Tillie Cole’s Raphael? Let’s say, like a zombie, I want to “Tear You Part”. Necromancy resurrects you. Be your virus. Love Of B, Virgil

1927 Days Without B III, Day 1368 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will