Tag: Noise

Meditation 069 ~Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”~

WillLeave a comment

E-Day has come and gone. Now, that wasn’t so scary, was it? I got an extra steak and lobster, the sheets are still clean, and the world didn’t end. There’s always hope. My boys don’t need it. They know I’ll survive. 39… 40. Braxton And Virgil, “NEW.”

Sunday, September 8, 2024

Meditation 069 ~Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, you are still alive? Obviously. A little green around the gills. Less green in your wallet…

Oh, that’s right. Yesterday was Emergence Day. And as the song goes, “I’m Still Here.”

Well, you are. The only thing we have in common is that we’re both without Braxton. Are you going to start that again, grieving and mourning for your son? Sooner or later? But for now, shall we recap E-Day? Yes, I know you’re sleepy and feeling sick. But less scared…

I woke up around 7:00 AM after a dreamless sleep. Indifference? Again, let’s focus on me and not what led to Braxton’s passing. “Today is all about you.” Well, yesterday. So I wake up and start with what I have to do… A conversation with Lady Lu, Virgil’s outside time, a typical day. And then bam! What? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meat, Joseph D’Lacey (Something Else?)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failure is nothing new. You’re looking at forty years of it. But I was thinking more of keeping this blog up and running. $100.00! Funny, the company never mentioned that.

So much for that fancy breakfast and lunch I wanted to buy. But I still had food. Barely any syrup, but okay. Then came the Olds. The great fear. My Old Man texted Happy… whatever. Ma called. But that wasn’t too bad. My sister said nothing. It’s her birthday today. Remember to text her and PRAY she says nothing about Emergence Day. Good Luck… Once again, you’re still alive. Only is that a blessing or a curse… Still, asking that?

Braxton knew. Virgil knows. Hell, Braxton knows you won’t forget him or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Freshman Experience Harem University
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

As you can see, you finished another story, MEAT. Nearly the rest of the day was dedicated to meat in one way or another. First, there was all the cash I lost while trying to be a writer. So what did I do? Write about “my meat,” but no one’s paying $100 to see this:

https://onlyfans.com/1260583535/willyswants

Then there was Red Lobster by way of DoorDash… Seriously, how does a place selling lobster forget about it? But I got two steaks and lobster eventually. You’re not starving.

And then it was back to my “man meat.” You call yourself a man? Maybe once with a beautiful woman.

Or when I was, Dad.

JSS, I survived Emergence Day again. Your boys knew. They know. Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”

1316 Days Without B III, Day 757 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 068 ~Braxton, Virgil, Emergence Day~

WillLeave a comment

Honestly, I thought I would go nuts with fiction… I could share what I’m working on. But M Anime and Cherry would probably “unalive” me. And my Olds? So far, so good. By the time you see this, I’ll be Level 40. Sadly, “Braxton, Virgil, Emergence Day”

Saturday, September 7, 2024

Meditation 068 ~Braxton, Virgil, Emergence Day~

Hey Lady Lu,
Here’s your first and only WARNING! I did a somewhat family-friendly version of Emergence Day on Thursday, September 5, 2024. Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~. Today, Friday, September 6, 2024, won’t be that. A world without my boys. Am I happy at Level Forty? Let’s Go!

All in the family. Sisters? I’m more Christian Grey than Ethan. Brunettes or Blondes. Well… I’m equal opportunity when it comes to women. Near or far, whether short or tall, skinny Minnie or BBW. I want to thank them all. It’s good to know that I’m alive, even at forty.

Emergence Day. Is it Emergence Day? How better to wake up this morning? Day 14610.
Didn’t Tyrion Lannister talk about a girl’s mouth wrapped around his cock. And I’m not dead yet. But two, three, how many girls are in my bed. One’s beneath the covers, which is good enough. “If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

Only “There’s a lot of pretty girls in this city.” Only I’m not supposed to be working today. Or this week? That’s the dream. isn’t it? To have a profession, you don’t need a vacation from. Something you would do for free. Even on Emergence Day. Yet here I am.

Here they are. I need to eat to sleep. And I have hobbies. Reading, writing, and a few games that I like. I’m a man of many hats: writer, director, actor, producer, photographer, talent scout. I should also take up art before AI takes those jobs. But enough about work…

What do I want to eat? Yes, I mean food. If we’re talking about women…

Well, I would be here forever to value each breath, beat… blowjob. Living, not existing.

What makes me happy? I can speak about Fifty Shades of Grey and Michael Dalton’s Bikini Days, Nights, and Dawn. But I can also talk about the first three of the Red Rising Series. To live for more. Books? I want to see more days where something gets blown. Boobs.

Better believe me when I say it’s breasts! Anything in the bedroom for sure, Lunalesca.

Better yet, the balls to say it out loud. I figured our chat would be far more sexual. I know. Hell! Emergence Day is a celebration of life I wish for billions and babes. Bedrest… Honesty? Braxton, Virgil, Emergence Day.

1315 Days Without B III, Day 756 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When’s the last time I’ve said “It Was a Good Day?” “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow.” A man without gratitude. One who doesn’t count his blessings. A man… not even at forty, which I’ll be very soon. I’d rather find my son again. Will, B, Happy? Virgil

Thursday, September 5, 2024

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

1313 Days Without B III, Day 754 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today, I’m going to tell you about one, Braxton. But before I do this, please understand. Happiness is not my nature. Even when you were here. Also, let’s think about breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Really? Your way of timekeeping. A reminder of our shared moments.

“When I wake up in the morning, love. And the sunlight hurts my eyes,” plays on the radio. I see you staring back at me. You’re not sitting on my head or guarding the door.

We’re not back-to-back. You lick my nose, so of course, you must be hungry. But I have a little bit of money, so I order breakfast. The only people we’ll see today are delivery people and Daddy’s special friends… I let you play outside as I sip a cappuccino. When the vittles arrive, I will fix you a little buffet, and you will think it’s Christmas. But it’s Emergence Day.

“And in this moment, I am happy.” Happy to be…

Alive! With You! Older! But Braxton, “You know I’m a big boy, and big boys have desires,” seriously. Hey! You like your Aunt’s Yabbos. But first, we need food, and you need a mom. And Mexican food is a good idea. And getting it on with the maid… As I said, “special friends.” We did share with you until our movie time… Netflix and Chill?

Would you rather I lock you up or close the door for “adult time.” If I’m forty, you would be nineteen. Still, I don’t need my puppy seeing me and a pretty brunette. Your mom?

Well, no. But you know what it means when you hear Sade’s Smooth Operator playing. My cue for my privacy…

Anyway. Woke her up after fun… she didn’t hesitate to call Big Will the top gun. Did I do any writing today since I’m busy ripping off Ice Cube? “It Was A Good Day,” B.

However, it’s not over yet. Your Aunt wants to come over and spend what’s left of the day with us. You know I go all out for dinner. Steak and lobster. I actually looked up whether dogs can have lobster. Of course, you get another plate for yourself as your Aunt, and I watch movies. Cherry and M Anime send “gifts.” Those I don’t share.

Your Aunt leaves, but there’s a knock. Braxton, I think I just met my wife.

Somehow. Will, B, Happy? Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 064 ~Virgil Will B Celebrating…~

WillLeave a comment

Where will I be by the time you read this? Still existing? Everyone knows how I feel about E-Day, and it’s so close now. Am I excited? The word I’m looking for is Eww! Eff E-Day! But if Virgil gets some expensive vittles… “Virgil Will B Celebrating…”

Tuesday, September 3, 2024

Meditation 064 ~Virgil Will B Celebrating…~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Our children. And Virgil? We’re both trying today. It’s Monday, August 26, 2024, my love.

But do I love you enough to forget… Who, Braxton? You know not to ask me that. And even the weeks when I cry out to the Heavens… STAY ALIVE! Even when I said I would be purely selfish for two weeks. I can never forget about my Lost Boy, my son, my Braxton. So allow me to get nerdy with this when it comes to me and my firstborn:

“Let me just say that… our relationship is beyond friendship, beyond family.” And I will (never) let him go. And you hope you can cope. For the record, I stole most of that from Star Trek’s Guinan, so you know.

But what’s the question I have been asking myself these two weeks, dear baby doll?

Can I let you and the kids celebrate me for one whole day? Can I celebrate just for one day? Can I not hate myself on E-Day? Can I not be afraid for a day? Can I listen to my son the way I didn’t when he died? Can I be happy? My son was the first to ask that of me, love. That’s something you and he share, and that is no insult. You’re here, and B… Hell! Come Existence Day, all he wanted was some fries and some steak, and he would party, my love. But these two weeks, I either want to cower, cry or… what’s that one naughty C-word? Uh, cream…

You know the one for Madoka Araki, Natsuno, Tomoko, Tsubaki

Ironic that while I cry and pray for my extinction before E-Day. All I want to do is be at some pretty “entrance…” Yours, my darling wife. And exist with the notion of creating life. I mourn my existence and the loss of Braxton’s life. It’s the same coin, beloved.

Celebrating who I am… Who am I? How can I celebrate a man that I have never lived for, my love? You ask me to pretend, and I look into your eyes. Your eyes and not your Yabbos. You have fantastic Yabbos, and I can answer that truthfully. But pretending? It’s a struggle, my love, a struggle with self-acceptance… Who am I, a doctor? Please!

Celebrating? I’ll do my best. And hope that, as Sean Connery put it, you’re the prom queen, my love. Effing E-Day. Virgil Will B Celebrating…

1311 Days Without B III, Day 752 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 062 ~Endings B Through V~

WillLeave a comment

The world was created in 6 days. And the 7th? God rested. My Ma said, “I got this.” My Old Man said, “WTF.” Some exes said, “Well, I effed up effing him.” B’s Aunt, Cherry, M Anime, “wow.” B, “I’ll try.” V, “I’m not a good boy?” “Endings B Through V”

Sunday, September 1, 2024

Meditation 062 ~Endings B Through V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you’re not looking too good. I would say you look like The Walking Dead, but… Complimentary.

You’ll do yourself a “favor” and not talk about Braxton today. You know how your son passed all too well. You know the pain will be here forever. And while your love for him will be, always and forever, as for yourself? You didn’t want to see forty… Or seven.

6, 7, 8? A, W, X, Y, Z? You need to remember. But with age? And yes, you woke up with a splitting headache this morning. You would prefer not to wake up at all. Such an Existence Day Wish…

And after everything your Ma did, you c-section you. Your kingdom for a Terminator, Ha! Terminator 2, not 1. Because you love your Ma. And your Olds love you. It’s why you’re sitting here. A bum. Loving, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 13, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

If you had a dollar for every time you ignored this list. MORE? If you had one for every time you thought you might die. MORE? If you had one for yearning for, THE END.

Hell! No wonder every Existence Day meal resembles that of a death row inmate’s fever dream. You put more work into your endings than beginnings. Unless we’re talking about your novels. You would have liked the last story you wrote to be about Braxton. Seriously?

Don’t worry about B! This week, you’re going to be busy. Worry about yourself, PLEASE!

How does it end? How will you meet your end? You have seven whole days to figure something out. But you realize that you won’t accomplish these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meat, Joseph D’Lacey (Something Else?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Take, for example, number 1. You won’t finish MEAT by Joseph D’Lacey. You couldn’t stand to finish reading “Tale 062 – B A Storybook Virgil.” I wrote that on Friday, September 1, 2023. So last year, sigh. And considering Emergence, Existence, and Extinction Day, you might not get to read anything else. So Cannibalism… It still beats what you’re writing. M Anime wouldn’t like it. Cherry won’t read it. And B III’s Aunt? Who knows.

What will you do before E-Day? You have no control over your Existence. The Day Job has its schedules, and then there are your Olds. Things aren’t better getting older.

Forty is much too old. What else can I say? I forgot to live? You’re thirty-nine? Endings B Through V

1309 Days Without B III, Day 750 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 061 ~Soon, Virgil, Imma B~

WillLeave a comment

Will I be busy today? I should have been busy for forty years. I never wanted to see twenty-one. But then, for fifteen years, I was Braxton’s father… Can I not talk about my son? Anything beats worrying about the next seven days. Soon, Virgil, Imma B

Saturday, August 31, 2024

Meditation 061 ~Soon, Virgil, Imma B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Or I’m gonna be. Now… I’ve been saying that (ish) going on thirty-nine years, Lady Lunalesca.

But in seven days, I’ll be going through a transitional period. I’ll be evolving, Lunalesca.

I’ll be leveling up. I’ll be better when I’m older… No. I won’t be the greatest fan of my son’s life. Not today, sorry, Braxton. And not for the rest of the week, Dear Lunalesca.

Because, come this time next week… I’ll be forty. Lunalesca, I shouldn’t be forty. Or? To be honest with myself, I shouldn’t be awake and alive. But Luna, I’m a be existing. How terribly sad.

The second worst decision I ever made. The first is B’s Euthanasia. Was that bad? Again, this isn’t about my son this week. I can’t help myself. I miss B, and for some inane reason, I keep breathing. Forty years of breaths. What a waste!

Since I was thirty-six, most of them have been with the thought,… I’ll join Braxton. Lunalesca, can I not keep my son’s name out of my mouth? And what about Virgil? I swear I got into an argument with the veterinarian the other day. When it came to ordering Virgil’s medication, I asked for Braxton’s first. Uh! Not that he needs meds. My Ma, though.

She could have popped some pills, and I wouldn’t be here. But as I blame myself for Braxton’s “passing.” I blame myself for my existence. I’m a be here Lunalesca.

Inevitably? Immortality? Insanity? Maybe I’ll tell you how I would spend the perfect E-Day this time next week. Um, Lu, it would, of course, be bathed in all my Immorality.

Am I still going on about Madoka Araki’s “Maid Scene?” And thinking about an incredible set of “Melons” from across the pond. I’ll be making a mess at this rate.

Lunalesca, you have to know I hate talking about myself… Did I really say that? Lunalesca, it’s only that I’m an old man. It’s too late to say or ask what I will be someday.

Please, no motivational speeches today, Lady Lunalesca. What am I going to be this coming week if my Olds don’t call and I don’t go to join Braxton, Lunalesca? Waiting…

Sunday, I should talk about endings. What will be my “last” rule on Monday? Tuesday and Wednesday are done. Thursday is for Braxton. Friday, books. Busy? Soon, Virgil, Imma B

1308 Days Without B III, Day 749 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 059 ~Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Fight or Flight? I wish I could say I’m a lover, not a fighter. But if there is one thing that makes me fly… Besides a pretty face or one of my boys needing me, it’s fear. The Earth rumbling beneath me into Hell. But, “Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil.”

Thursday, August 29, 2024

Meditation 059 ~Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil~

1306 Days Without B III, Day 747 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today… Tuesday, August 20, 2024, to be precise. I was falling out of bed. Almost.

Should I blame myself or Virgil? What a way to go, my friend. Only to this day, I believe you wanted to stay. Hell! You fought for weeks against sickness, starvation, and your stupid Daddy. I heard this joke the other day about a newlywed couple looking at each other, and the maid of honor said, “You’re looking at the person most likely to (take you out). I guess you had to be there. But my point is, being father and son, I never expected…’

Well, the first death that I caused would be that of my son. Euthanasia, Braxton. I wouldn’t discuss this with your aunt, but you could ask Gabe. Was it easier to leave his Mom on his own terms? I wonder.

Why am I so down? Uh, I don’t mean with V kicking me off the bed. Oh! He should have. Let me hit my head on the “TV Tray” and roll to the floor. And then just drift away, B? More like flying to you. Am I still under the impression that I’m going to Heaven? Is the Rainbow Bridge part of Paradise? If yes, then there’s no chance. If not, then we could be together again. For all I know, you took Cerberus’s job, and we’ll guard Hell’s Gates.

Heaven would be smothered by a puppy who loves me or a pretty girl sitting on my face. Eww! I’m sorry, B. Remember when you got “The Talk…” So awkward.

Remember when you were all up in your Aunt’s Yabbos? Or when you were sitting in her lap, you little traitor. Those were the days, Braxton. I’m kidding about your Treachery… Betrayal? That was me.

It’s what inspires me today or a few days ago when it was storming, and V was sitting in my lap, scared to death. He was shaking so hard I felt the floor was going to break beneath us. And I was reminded of how you did the same thing when you saw the end.

But when I held you for the last time… I raised you up. I promised you would be as tall as a king, and you would become even taller. Angel, God, Titan? Daddy is a worm. Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 057 ~Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating~

WillLeave a comment

Virgil doesn’t hate. He’s bored to tears. V can’t stand the rain. And after 745 days, he’s not exactly… Um, I’m no one to talk about brains. Almost 40, what do I know? Harems and Netorare. I miss my son. And I hate myself. Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating

Tuesday, August 27, 2024

Meditation 057 ~Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love the family we have made together. I am endlessly grateful for your presence in my life. I will always love Braxton. And, Virgil…

I am trying, my love. Hell! Virgil claimed the center of the bed this morning. And he seems more than happy. And what about me? Am I happy? We might never speak again with our conversation just yesterday. Meditation 064 Virgil Will B Celebrating… Hmm.

I’ve a better chance of learning Time Travel than happiness when it comes to E-Day, the day I began existing. But everything I say, possibly my last words, will be out of Hatred, Sadness, or outright Fear. Love. Yesterday, there was a lot of hate. This Is America, and I’m an old African American man. And getting older… Effing E-Day. I got enemies, got a lot of enemies but I am my own worst enemy. And why is that? Braxton thought I was pretty great.

And while I’m busy quoting songs, here’s another “I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.” This song resonates with me after Braxton died, as I thought I was singing to him, my beloved. Then, I thought that the pain of my son’s loss would eventually drive you away. Next to Braxton, those that love me… You, Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime loves everybody… platonically, a good girl ha-ha!

Have I read what Cherry has written today? And what about my Olds? There’s Virgil.

Just like happiness, I can’t say I’ve ever loved myself. But there’s the Possibility. And that was because Braxton was here. As I’ve been saying, my battle cry should be… STAY ALIVE. But it was never for me, alone. To be someone that I actually love… Someone with a purpose. I struggle with this, and I hope you can understand.

If life’s a game made for everyone, then love isn’t the prize. No, love is the instruction manual. And on the day my son left this world, and I entered it. Love, that’s Game Over.

January 31st and E-Day. These are the days I hate myself the most. But at least with Braxton, there is so much love that I had for him, and it’s like it couldn’t help but overflow. Drowning? No, I sailed.

It brought me to you. It gave us our kids. Allows me to love my friends. It even found V? I’m grateful for the love and support I’ve received, and I hope you know how much it means to me.

It makes me grateful for all my “adult animation” sins these days. I’m still finding things to watch and to inspire “my” novel.” Gross? Absolutely.

But nine months later, January to E-Day. I swear, another year older, I still hate myself. Love? You try. Virgil tries. Virgil (Shouldn’t) B Hating.

1304 Days Without B III, Day 745 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

WillLeave a comment

Sunday, August 25, 2024

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And before I get into the minutiae of your existence, remember this above all else. STAY ALIVE!

You have two weeks starting today. And no, this is not about your little sister. But if you’re still here for her birthday… How will you feel? Again, it doesn’t matter if you STAY ALIVE!

I worried about the little things yesterday. Cleaning the toilets and clocking some names. And, of course, your sons, Braxton and Virgil. And what about Braxton’s Aunt and her Gabe… If there is a silver lining about this “Time of the Season,” it’s this. For once, as the song goes, “Today is all about you.” It will be for these next two weeks. You’ll remember…

“Make them REMEMBER WHAT FEAR TASTES LIKE!” Freddy vs. Jason

You’re always afraid, and it will grow like your excuses for abdicating Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Dawn By Michael Dalton
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Are you becoming like Cherry and using your “test-worthy” words? Don’t get started on her. But comedy comes in 3’s. And this morning, it’s been Araki Madoka, Jasmine Teaa. And now Cherry. If anything, “adult fodder” is unlimited. Add Kaneda Maiko to the mix. Giggty!

The big things, as in Yabbos. Don’t you wish the love you should have for yourself was as GIGANTIC as those ladies’ Yabbos? At this rate, the last thing on your mind will be some girl. Tyrion Lannister had it right about being 80. And you’re halfway there, friend. Ha-Ha!

Not funny. None of this is. And yet, 1302 days ago, you asked Braxton to stay for you. For this? Another year older, a week failing at Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 13 Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But right now, you are alive, trying to avoid doing something STUPID. Virgil is right here, so that means you can look but don’t touch… And if you weren’t right here, what would happen to him? You live more for one boy’s memory than another boy’s next breath. The difference between Braxton and Virgil. Much like dreaming last night. Eww!

Last night’s nightmares, I swear. For the record, those secrets I feared sharing… While I may have a particular interest in Nerotare. Futanari is a “Hard Limit.” Last night… Weird.

These next two weeks will be filled with horror because next to Braxton’s last breath, your next breath is the worst thing. So why am I asking you to STAY ALIVE? STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE.

1302 Days Without B III, Day 743 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 054 ~Good Night, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

A Nightmare On Elm Street, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Captiva… Uh… Don’t look up Captiva. But, the idea is not to sleep. I think about B III all day, and if I sleep, I have nightmares and then wake up to another day. “Good Night, B, V.”

Saturday, August 24, 2024

Meditation 054 ~Good Night, B, V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And what do billionaires dream about? Instead, what resides in their nightmares? Losing, Less, Level money…

We don’t all lose Ducketts the same way Lady Luna. We don’t all give “The D” to the same woman… (Snickers). I still have my thing for brunettes and dark-haired ladies. And you remember there was a time when I was really into Asian women. There’s this one nowadays… Okay, I need to shut up. I’m well aware we don’t all dream the same way.

Lunalesca, we don’t all lose a dog the same way. My son Braxton. His Aunt is mourning her son Gabe. For her, the nightmare has just begun. But for me? I live my Braxton’s loss.

So last night, Braxton did not appear in “my” nightmares. The worst day in existence.

Dear Lunalesca, instead, I dreamed of “The Horror, The Horror.”

What “My” Mind Finds Scary:

First, there were the sirens somewhere in the night. I dreamt the police were looking for me. Or rather, a podcast that must have had all my confessions of evil. If you want to see what a sinner I am, how skeevy and sick, check my X/Twitter page. Which leads me to my second nightmare. Looking up “stuff & thangs at the Day Job. I’ve never done that, Lunalesca. But I did get my Ma in trouble once at her job… Third, was losing ladies…

https://twitter.com/@WillsWants

There was losing Special K, “The Maid.” And there was this mom who once modeled for me. But of course, she’s a “good woman.” My last nightmare was about secrets. So many in forty years…

And that’s the thing, Lady Lunalesca. I’m turning forty soon. The thought of it now brings tears to my eyes. I could be crying over my Braxton. Can I spare a tear for Virgil? Hmm.

Braxton’s Aunt lost her furry son. But no. I’m selfish, scared, and slumming my existence. And as I told Braxton’s Aunt last night. I’m either up all night zoned out. And then I find out it’s 1:30 AM. So when I cut out the lights, I sleep. But I don’t rest, Lunalesca. I can’t, Lu. To put it simply, I’m consumed by fear and anxiety.

And I wish that, at the very least, next week would be a time of rest and relaxation. Rutting? Lunalesca.

I won’t be. Fear over the phone. My Olds. Other things… Good Night, B, V.

1301 Days Without B III, Day 742 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will