Tag: Noise

Meditation 094 ~Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort~

WillLeave a comment

Of all the psychiatrists I visited, no one had a couch. I never ended up on one. That type of healing was reserved for reading on the couch with B. Movie nights with his honorary aunt. And other films. Comfy spots. Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort.

Thursday, October 3, 2024

Meditation 094 ~Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort~

1341 Days Without B III, Day 782 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? And yes, I asked Virgil the same question. But, will I begin talking about you…

AGAIN! As we move further away from my Emergence Day. Or closer. It depends, B.

Like the difference between a couch and a loveseat. Seriously? I’m looking for comfy spots. And for the third day in a row… Sunday, September 29, 2024. I’ve made it to the Dining Room table once more. I’ve told several in the harem; this week will be worse, B III.

Excuse me, did I say worse? What I meant to say was, “more difficult.” I swear, Braxton, I miss talking about politics with you. Virgil can’t stand it. Is that why he cuddles up to me nightly and I finish everything or not during the day? I finally watch television.

Braxton, even if I sleep, I can never rest. You?

Well, not with me griping every day. I got a message from M Anime about her being a complaint on two legs. I’m a complaint on three. Eww! I know B III, I’m so sorry.

Thankfully, your Aunt, her girlfriend, and their fur buddy haven’t come to join you, B.

Only here I am, safe and sound, imagining new furniture for the Living Room, Braxton.

As if I do any Living. And what about Virgil? Even now, I’m still upset… Your Dad can hold a grudge, grief, and a groan when I hear you or Virgil walking around the corner when I thought I had some alone time. Again, Eww!

Awkward and uncomfortable, but consider this, Braxton. I have a choice. It’s either for my comfort or Virgil’s. I got around $150.00… So, still broke.

A little less than half must go to the bare minimum to keep me alive. So yeah, food. Here’s the choice: I can use the remaining funds to buy Virgil’s medication (Heartworm Prevention). However, I could buy a lifetime subscription to Balance for myself. After the 30th, the price hikes back up by hundreds. Virgil isn’t dying, and we’re talking one month. Medication’s late already.

It’s only by a few days. The answer is obvious. Buy the medication! Effing honestly. Only it’s the difference between being a Friend, Best Friend, and a Daddy. I understand.

The difference between a home, a threesome, or a harem. An orgy or a gang-bang. A couch, loveseat, and casting couch, Eww! Professional couch time, maybe. Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 092 ~Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know~

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The things I do in bed… Sleep and nearly push V on the floor. Before B, I had a few girls. No threesomes… MFF or backdoor. And being a Dad… I had to wait for my boys to get in trouble or feed them. Looking for a stepmom. “Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know”

Tuesday, October 1, 2024

Meditation 092 ~Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And yet our children ask, “Where do babies come from.” Or what their Daddy does?

And speaking of being a Dad. Am I going to go back to crying about B III? Or trying to figure out what Virgil’s problem is. Well, today is Friday, September 27, 2024. So no…

I’m not in a good mood, my love. I’m not in a bad one either. But more a secretive one.

And no, not dangerous. At least to no one but myself. I look at inflicting pain upon myself the same way I look at mourning my firstborn son. It’s always there. It’s better to hush.

Today, I couldn’t even tell Madam Justice everything for fear of some doctor asking me, “Am I A Psycho?” Uh? There are several GTA titles, Far Cry 5, and rooms in YoVille. Yes, you married a Gamer. At least part-time.

A writer, actor, director, producer, photographer, pimp, and overall FREAK. So this isn’t about my children with four legs or two. This is about you, me, and my current studies.

As in reading? Would you rather I talk about death, depression, or my sons, beloved. Again, I’m not in a positive mood. But being with you, my love, on this dark afternoon? I know plenty we could do, but I need a new book to read. More Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse.

It’s between Kelli Wolfe’s Devil’s Bargain or Taking Kelsey. As I was telling Lady Sophia, between being forty… Eww! And my latest reads. It’s been all Harems, Netorare, Blackmail, Age Gaps, and Breeding, amongst other things. This man’s “Freaky Deaky.”

Inevitably, I turn to you.

What do I want for our love life? What did I keep from Braxton for all those years? I didn’t have many girls with him around. Virgil cries when you and I need “adult time.”

Seriously! I remember when I was a boy peeping on “Skinemax.” Films like that “Married People, Single Sex” series. Or it could be as easy as this Instagram guy today:

Prayed to Venus for my wenus indeed. Did I ever mention I’ve got a thing for the witch look… Thank you, Willow Rosenberg, Tara MaClay, and Satan’s Sorority Girls. Love?

Such sinful things I want to do to you, that others do, and things I hope no one will know.

More in the name of love. Braxton, Virgil, Don’t Know.

1339 Days Without B III, Day 780 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

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A letter every Sunday to count up the week’s failures. Genius? But whoever called me that? Braxton thought I was for 15 years. But here I am at 40. And I knew better at 7. And isn’t 2V’s birthday soon? “Letters V. Numbers Braxton”

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you could be looking better. Living. Loving. Live, Laugh, Love… And other things you won’t read.

Like the two novels I wrote for Braxton? Remember, it’s still September. And “Today is all about you.” I know, I know! My former self talked to me about the music references, too. But between listening to your Braxton’s ghost. The pitter-patter of Virgil being allowed into the room after… Well, you know how most of these mornings begin… Uh…

Dammed for your son being gone. Damn! You had to wake up. DAAAAAMN! The girl you’re looking at is ten, even without double Ds. Or they’re even bigger Yabbos. Or…

And you see, that’s why “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Give yourself a break. At least it didn’t take you an hour to quit moaning. Thirty-Five minutes. Now Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“The Good Book” says it took God six days to create the Heavens and the Earth. So what? So, it was a standard workweek, and he got called in on a Saturday. No wonder “it’s” angry. And on the 7th, he rested and tried not to think about how, uh, yes, mistakes were made. Lots.

“There’s too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there’s not much love to go around.”
― Land of Confusion by Genesis

And here you are on your 7th day. Braxton breathed his last on a Sunday. Stop it! “It’s no surprise to me; I am my own worst enemy.” Stop it! And since “I got enemies, got a lot of enemies.” Seriously! “Many men wish death upon me.” You’re giving yourself far too much credit. It’s one of the reasons you have this list. To remember. Letters, Numbers Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The Letter is F. The Number is Zero or One. And to pour a little salt in the wound, this all started on Sunday, January 7, 2018, Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~. It reached this “version” on Sunday, January 28, 2018, Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~. I swear.

Seven years… If fifteen is your lucky number (Braxton’s Age). Then seven is… Stop It!

The critic is always saying I had to stay on topic. I’m sure you’ll hear that. But then again, with this week? The point is that it’s not letters/words or numbers today. It is about your actions, Will. They hold the power to change things.

But not sleeping, slapping the sausage, or salacious words. You must speak to your son.

And this letter? It’s not just another numbered failure. It’s a call to action. Please Act! Letters V. Numbers Braxton.

1337 Days Without B III, Day 778 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 089 ~That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil~

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I should make my bed because this isn’t my spot. I nearly push 2V off the edge when he’s here. And if I keep looking at some girl, I’ll have to do laundry. And if I wasn’t such a Lazy Ass, I could have a spot of my own. “That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil”

Saturday, September 28, 2024

Meditation 089 ~That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So I’ll have the maid clean up after Virgil. Just what I need… A maid fetish?

And here I go thinking about Madoka Araki from Discipline -The record of a Crusade-.

What, not my boys Braxton and Virgil? How about me as Emergence draws to a close? I can go back to something I said yesterday about not threatening Virgil. It’s only so many times I can wash the bed sheets when he decides to get sick. Hence, having a maid.

Lunalesca, Special K isn’t coming back. I know I can be a pain. And that is what brings you and me together today. As the song goes, “I’m just a sucker for pain.” Kinky, Lunalesca.

Today, as I was getting my rocks off,… more like edging to Madoka Araki, Jewel Staite, Special K, Cherry, a gymnast, etc.… There’s this question.

What is the difference between a kink and a fetish? As Forrest Gump said, “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is,” Lunalesca. Maybe not. I love you know who, though, Lunalesca.

Anyway, long story short, a kink is something you like to do. Roleplay, BDSM, Netorare? A fetish is something that must be present to achieve arousal, enjoyment, and satisfaction Lunalesca. And so, as I tried to distinguish between the two, I found an answer. Wow!

PAIN. Now, I can wax on poetically about my son. But again, Emergence month Lunalesca.

Let’s just say there’s a spot that such and such filled in life and in death, well there’s HIS spot on the floor, the nightstand, I still say HIS room.

But I can never find a spot to call my own, Luna. Like yesterday, I read downstairs because reading in bed or on the loveseat… It’s just not my spot. It shouldn’t be. Lazy Ass.

Lunalesca, if the critic wasn’t already not talking to me. More adult relations won’t help. But again, look at everything I’ve been reading. All the women are in some sort of pain, and the men… Who was it that said… “We fill each other’s holes.” Whether it be physically or otherwise. The pain is there, but it’s lessened. And there are spots to be happy.

Happy and at home… (Shudders). A spot to be seen, called smart, and be someone… Somewhere Only We Know? Braxton? Women? That’s Braxton’s Spot Virgil

1336 Days Without B III, Day 777 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 087 ~V To Talk Braxton~

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Most days, anything I say isn’t worth a text. I message B III’s Aunt. I’ve stopped asking M Anime to see her Yabbos… For the most part. And as long as I “heart” Cherry’s work… There are other buttons, Alarms, gates, and pants. V To Talk Braxton.

Thursday, September 26, 2024

Meditation 087 ~V To Talk Braxton~

1334 Days Without B III, Day 775 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m still in bed this afternoon, Saturday, September 21, 2024. Am I growing up yet?

You were much more of a man than me, B III. But alas, I’m too tired to cry. Terrified? Can I say I’m throwing a temper tantrum? My fortieth Emergence Day has come and gone.

Will I go back to crying about you at the end of the month? I don’t know, Little B. Inevitably, I will cry about you, B. Other than that… I can push buttons saying anything. That seems to be my theme for today. I’m having all sorts of trouble communicating.

Today, your Dad was busy with a little “Bump n’ Grind.” Eww! I’ll never forget having to warn you not to hump your toys in front of your aunt. Or get all up in her Yabbos. Like father, like son.

But again, this is supposed to be about me. And being a meanie to your little brother Virgil Vivi… There was a time I would sit with you in your room all day when you were sick or cuddle you. I just put up the gate today to quit Virgil from coloring the carpet again with his stomach stew. Again, Eww! Your Dad’s not great with language. Speaking my feelings

Braxton, it all goes back to the concept that everything I want is inane, insane, idiotic, or impossible. It’s better to stay quiet. But where did that get you? My indifference, trying to keep all that I am in check. I was scared to even text your grandma this afternoon. Somehow, I did it, Braxton.

But what about the rest of the world? It can’t be all about mourning you. Did I say that out loud? Okay, enough about you, Braxton. I really am trying. B for Braxton or Breath.

Other than my conversations with you, Braxton, the man in the mirror, and my “Harem.” What am I really trying to say? Well, son, that’s the thought that drives me mad as soon as I wake up every morning. Other than, “Why am I still breathing, dammit? Life sucks!” Indeed

I have OnlyFans, but that wouldn’t be feeding either of us, Braxton. My utter madness.

And what about my novels? I might as well sleep. I keep pushing these buttons for Yabbos, alarms, and Virgil. Push V To Talk Braxton.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 085 ~$150 Virgil Plus Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

V’s cute, BUT I can see why he needed a forever home. I’m very much the same. I can be “witty” occasionally, but home is one of those made-up words I hear like Birt… Emergence Day. And how much did I spend on it for me? $150 Virgil Plus Braxton.

Tuesday, September 24, 2024

Meditation 085 ~$150 Virgil Plus Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And I can “proudly” say I’ve never paid for anything more than an “Ecdysiast.” Seriously!

A Burlesque Queen? Some girl sans her clothing or artist, whether real, AI, or otherwise. Honestly! What a way to start off our conversation today. It’s Friday, September 20, 2024.

I could be crying over Braxton. I love my son. And what about Virgil? It must be love because I’m pushing him to the edge of the bed most days. Paying for cuddles. For love. I want to know how much my Old Man spent getting Braxton for my younger sister. But Virgil was $150.00. I am a “man” of my word. And what do I always say? A Man Provides. That always remains true.

Babydoll, what about you and our family? It is my job, duty, obligation, responsibility, honor, and everything else to make sure you want for nothing.

But what about me? Am I being selfish in saying that? And money and love… You have no idea how I’m trying not to burst into a tune from The Beatles or JLO, my darling.

Paying for love? Buying love? I should get a thesaurus first. I’m all for books on my tablet, but nothing beats a physical copy. It’s why I have a Study and not a Man Cave. Though we do have an entertainment room. And some things within my Study are somewhat questionable, baby girl. Which brings me to today’s musings. What do I want for myself?

The world mija and everything in it. Did I mention I’ve been appreciating the beauty of Latina culture lately? Maybe I miss M Anime, hmm?

Things I shouldn’t be telling you, my love, but you know your husband’s business dealings.

But what do I really want besides… well, it starts with a B and ends in III. Did I even talk about this on Emergence Day? I’m forty and already losing my memory. On Emergence Day itself, I got a steak and lobster dinner and cake. Then there’s you and what our kids got for me. And that’s what bothers me… Again, I should watch what I say, my love.

Communication has not been my strong suit these days. What I mean is I don’t deserve it. To be alive? I think of what could have happened to Virgil. $150.00 for his life. What’s my self-worth… $150 Virgil Plus Braxton

1332 Days Without B III, Day 773 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 083 ~Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton~

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Smooth Criminal… well, I’m not Mark Robinson or any Republican. I do happen to know a few Russians and Chinese people. And I’ve learned a bit about Crypto. Still, I know my worst two crimes. And I can dream up more. Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton.

Sunday, September 22, 2024

Meditation 083 ~Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you are not a caveman, cuck, or Smooth Criminal. But you dream you’re a Smooth Operator.

Please! It’s too early for music and too late to still be dreaming. And you or I had a doozy last night. It depends on when you or I entered REM sleep. Stop referencing music!

Seriously! You know that means “Rapid Eye Movement,” but that’s not the point. Did you forget you’re having trouble communicating this week? Emergence month sucks!

Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be crying over Braxton again soon. Or cleaning up Virgil’s mess.

But for now, remember the words of your “favorite” song… “All About You” I swear that song isn’t going anywhere. And some of it is in Portuguese. You don’t speak Spanish, either. “Mija?” M Anime would have a field day. Or Japanese. That brings us to today. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 7, Eric Vall (But One Book Ahead)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I’m sure you’ll enjoy failing yours as I have failed mine. The reading list changes… However, let’s talk about what dream had you saying, “You Shook Me All Night Long.”

(Rolls Eyes). You were hungry and decided you wanted pancakes. You went into the freezer and pulled out those frozen pancakes, but then you found that it was your father’s tablet with a picture of pancakes on it. There were two screens, and you broke one off. And cut the tablet like any type of food. Then, it was a picture of your father and your sister in broken chunks, and you ate the tablet. Uh, weird. But the only pain you felt was guilt.

You’ll need to think. Another excuse? Failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The guilt (sigh) is sticking with you right now. The idea and conceptualization of the composition “Is It A Crime” by Sade. I swear you’re filling your ears with everything.

Anyway, you’re thinking, what have you done lately that’s not criminal but feels that way? For starters, sitting in bed just wasting your existence. You’ve had forty Emergence Days thus far. What have you done with them? To have a million dollars in a year… Do you remember that motivation? And speaking of motivation, what about all the “bad” men you want to be? I remember a day or so ago, I found a few videos from that group, GDP.

Braxton’s young life, Yabbos, and yelling about money. Bad Guy, Duh. Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton.

1330 Days Without B III, Day 771 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 082 ~Braxton’s Sound Advice, Virgil~

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Advice to listen to… a great man said, “Make Your Bed.” When was the last time I did that? If I had, I wouldn’t be cleaning vomit off the bedroom floor from V. B knew better, even on his last days. Ahem, Emergence Day. Braxton’s Sound Advice, Virgil.

Saturday, September 21, 2024

Meditation 082 ~Braxton’s Sound Advice, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And “This Is America.” Money talks. But do I? To my sons, or “pretty, pretty girls.”

My longing to talk about my Braxton is like a broken record, especially after Emergence Day. It feels like an eternity since then. If only I had the means, Lady Lunalesca, ‘Every Day Will Be Like a Holiday.’ The music would drown out these thoughts.

But if I’m not listening to Childish Gambino or William Bell, how about Bobby Byrd… “Try It Again.” I broke my abstinence streak again, rattlingly off dirty, depraved, disgusting thoughts on a brunette. She can’t hear me. And neither can my pillow, Lady Lunalesca. But aren’t I the one that needs to listen… listen, hear, and understand? I do try.

But to who, what, and why? “It’s a wicked world that we live in.” Lunalesca?

Am I done with the radio yet? And there are only so many times I can listen to Succubus Lord, Satan’s Sorority Girls, or the Bikini Days series. And if it isn’t some work about girls sans clothes. Then I’m getting angry. For now, Lunalesca, all I can hear is the sound of my breathing.

Please! How is that different from any other day? When Virgil has me stressing out. Lunalesca, Virgil broke his streak of not getting sick on the carpet. He couldn’t warn me he was ill when we were outside mere minutes ago. I’m not a mind reader or a prophet, Lunalesca.

But according to a particular program, I could be a robot. It said “AI Generated Text.” Should I be flattered? I feel dead, not electronic.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had AI help when it comes to, let’s say, Sofía’s Nightmare. Not that I’ve been working on that these past few days. I’ve been listening to the demands of my Day Job. I swear, Lunalesca, we need a new plague. I listen to the absolute worst people.

I find myself among the worst people. And then there’s Ma. When I’m not succumbing to my body’s worst inclinations, I fall ill like Virgil. The thought of texting Ma about a bill ties my stomach in knots. Today is the day, isn’t it, Lunalesca? The day I prove to be her failure son… Again.

Lunalesca, as a forty-year-old, I have no wise words. Advice for my past or future self…
Braxton’s Sound Advice, Virgil

1329 Days Without B III, Day 770 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 080 ~Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time~

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What time is it? And would it matter where I am now? Oh, what? Am I going to blame it on the rain? Even Virgil is done as he lies here sleeping. And me? I’m older after Emergence Day. But B III was here for 15 years. “Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time”

Thursday, September 19, 2024

Meditation 080 ~Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time~

1327 Days Without B III, Day 768 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How about me? Me, Myself, And I. We’d talk after I was sad, mad, bad…

Ironic, isn’t it? It was when I felt nothing and became indifferent until your time came. Mourning? Morning? What day is it? Right now. It’s Friday, September 13, 2024, and it’s raining cats and dogs…

Braxton, it’s that time again when fear creeps in. It’s a feeling that never changes. Only the circumstances do. And today, as my ‘favorite’ song goes… ‘Today is all about you.’ Well, me, but you understand. If we had a song, Little B, it would be ‘Run Boy Run by Woodkid. Because that’s what it always felt like. You and me against the world, but we hadn’t the strength, but someday. Always, it was someday. Look at the time, Braxton.

No, I need to look. This is my time, month, and the meaning of Emergence Day… I swear B III… Your Dad came into the world a waste of time. A C-Section. Testament of laziness.

On my part, of course. I love your grandma. And I’m sure she believes it’s about time I grow up. “When will you grow?” I’m sure your stepmom is somewhere asking that while she waits for me. I’m forty, Braxton. Can you believe that? And yet I asked the question…

“When will you grow?” Because you were always a puppy to me until one day, inevitably, you weren’t anymore. Time Enough At Last… When I’d have wealth, women, war dog.

Braxton, I would be happy. Time to die or happiness?

What time is it now? Now, “I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!” Don’t I wish, B III.

You know I have yet to make an “Emergence Day” wish. But then again, I haven’t had a slice of cake yet. But by the time you get this, Braxton, who knows? Wishing for time!

Braxton, I always find myself wishing for your return. What have I been hoping for, really? Stuff & Thangs, but…

Braxton, it’s more time or money…. Time is money. And what have I been spending time on? Worrying about the fence. Ogling women who are nowhere near your stepmom… Eww! Dreaming of ways to make money since I’m always sleeping. But when I wake up… Git Up, Get Out, right? Maybe tomorrow we gon’ be alright. Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 078 ~Noises To B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Wednesday, September 4, 2024. Just make it past E-Day. Get past E-Day. “If you’re going through hell. Keep on going.” That was me and my B. “Run, boy, run.” But to be happy wherever… Not in the womb or pet hospital. But V’s here. Virgil’s Happy To B…

Tuesday, September 17, 2024

Meditation 078 ~Noises To B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? You’re my “Cheerleader.” My words of wisdom. Dare I say, my laugh track? Today’s laughter…

Wednesday, September 11, 2024, to be precise. Here I am talking to you while looking up Marilyn Monroe and Taylor Swift, amongst other women… Something I shouldn’t be confessing to you… You know my business. And business has been HARD. I don’t mean that in a good way. But when am I ever good? Being a good husband, father, lover.

Darling, while I love being yours, I miss when I only needed to be a Dad. Being Braxton’s father… No, I’m not going to go back to crying about him, at least not right away.

Emergence Day is still fresh on the brain. Noise was actually a good thing when it came to us. It keeps me from thinking of everything else. Today though… Laughter.

I’m not a comedian, clown, or customer. No, my name isn’t Carrie. “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” I’ve made it my business to know about a woman’s… Uh, C. And a man’s C… seriously censorship. And I’ve actually studied a bit on C… Let’s just say “Netorare” and move on. Is that funny? Some other men think so. But with everything I feel, see, and hear… Today, it was the hearing. I swear last night I was overjoyed at Kamala Harris laughing at Trump. But leave it to people… I don’t even laugh at myself, which is good, right? Then again, I should laugh to keep from crying. Again, this isn’t about my son.

Emergence Day. For hating it beloved, I keep mentioning it.

Braxton’s silence, his aunt’s, but not yours? Not that I’m blaming you. We have children and everything. I want them to enjoy themselves and to be happy for me. Seriously.

Today it was only those women. It’s one thing when I care what a woman thinks or sounds like in bed. But mindless, meaningless, and mean-spirited prattle, my dear love.

It gets to me sometimes. Not that I’m against joy. And you know, I could ramble on for a while about my views on jokes, just kidding, and being a jerk. But lover, please listen.

Braxton’s breathing. That’s something worth listening to. My love, the way our bodies “Collide” that’s music to my ears. Our kids opening books and behaving. Beautiful. Noises To B, Virgil.

1325 Days Without B III, Day 766 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will